It would be awesome if at the end of “Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys” (when all the misfit toys are being parachuted out of Santa’s sleigh into children’s chimneys) for the last toy to be all “Oh, and also we all have contagious anthrax”. Because if *I* ran into a bunch of toys that were forcibly isolated in a siberian island my first thought would be “leper colony”. Or “convicts”, maybe. Also, I would be pissed if santa sent me some kinda fucked-up, possibly-plague-riddled toy train with square wheels that’s been laying in the frozen tundra for years. That’s like the shittiest gift ever. Plus, all the other toys got umbrellas to help them land softly but they just pushed that bird toy out with no umbrella at all which seems fine until you remember that the bird was a misfit BECAUSE HE CAN’T FLY. I’d like to think that about 10 seconds after the credits roll Santa is all “…oh. shit.” And also, a bird that swims isn’t really a “misfit”. It’s a duck.
PS. This post would have been better if I’d written it before Christmas when it was still seasonal or possibly just not written at all. Victor says it’s more of the latter.
PPS. Remember that dolly that “can even say how-do-you-do”? What was her problem? She looked perfectly fine from the outside so why the hell was she a misfit? My guess? Vagina Dentata.