Conversation with Victor and me watching tv:
Andrew Zimmern on Bizarre Foods: What’s really nice about this dish is that the sauce is subtle and doesn’t overwhelm the taste of the bull penis.
Victor: Yeah, you really want to be careful not to overwhelm that dick in your mouth.
me: Aaand we’ll add this to the long list of things I never thought I’d hear come out of your mouth.
Victor: You can’t blog this.
me: Why would I blog this?
125 thoughts on “I also pointed out that that was the tiniest bull penis I’d ever seen and Victor implied that I was “just spoiled”. I’m not entirely sure how to take that one.”
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And yet again, you rock.
and this is why I love you
One for the list of things never to come out of one’s mouth, and one for things that should never go into one’s mouth.
On a related note, remember that show Fear Factor? The episode where they made the contestants eat Bull Testicles, I remember thinking “It wouldn’t be so bad if they deep fried them instead of boiled them. Everything tastes awesome deep-fried. I bet even Bull Testicles would too.”
I now have to clean nose snorted Dr. Pepper from my computer screen.
I find bull penis a tad on the salty side. I much prefer my husband’s. Wait, what?
You can post ANYTHING on a blog, Victor. Particularly this one.
I am sending my husband to your house for
“interesting conversation studies”.
Please do not return him until he can have one…thank you
The Man loves that ridiculous show. I watch it while making horrid facial expressions and covering my eyes. My favorite is when he eats rancid things… like duck eggs that have been rotting in some vile liquid for 10 years to the point where the shell has turned into a gelatinous substance that can be eaten right along with the inner part. And he’s all “the texture is a little off putting, but the taste really isn’t half-bad” and then I vomit.
If “bull penis” is on the menu, I think I’ll be fasting. I’m all in favor of trying new foods but I draw the line at any menu item with the word “penis” or “testicles” involved. Also, nothing involving “placenta” sounds at all appetizing.
And yet… we seem to have no trouble eating the “breasts” of critters…. Hmmmm….
I hope someone out there Googles “how not to overwhelm the taste of penis” and gets this post.
You are my hero.
–>I’ve never been happier that you’re Not a food blogger.
Bull penis or boiled peanuts? Always depends on the accent. And what show was that? Was there a special prize if someone could take the whole thing? Ohmyfuckinggodthat’ssickbeyondlongjohnhenry. I have a bull penis walking stick — WALKING STICK — on my Christmas list. I’m short an will probably have to grasp it by the shaft.
Going to puke now.
I’d like to hear a little more about other things you never thought you’d hear Victor say. Just me, then?
Iphone fails me again. Tyireverse for show info. Recommence puking.
He knew the risks when he spoke those words out loud.
Silly man. Doesn’t he know everything is a blogging opportunity. 🙂
Really, the question is “Why *wouldn’t* you blog this”?
maybe Victor just meant there are a lot of pages, of paper, that need collating. And that they may need people to complete their volunteer hours. After that, you’ll have more perspective in regards to what constitutes, a lot.
I love you, Jenny.
Thank you for sharing your interesting conversations. They lead me to read them out loud to my boys and we all laugh and it’s almost like we can have an interesting conversation in absentia… you’re almost like Amy Grant on 3 wishes where you just roam around giving people things they want – except you just share laughter. Which is like way better anyway. Besides, you have more personality in James Garfield’s left eye than Amy Grant has in like her entire twiggy little too many curls cascading body.
Wow I digress and this comment has now become longer than the original post. I really need to learn to edit.
Oh, My, Goodness … thanks for that!
or maybe I should read the post, as opposed to just the title, before I comment. Boy is my face red.
It’s important to know whether you were wearing the “I’m blogging this” tee shirt at the time of this conversation…it makes all the difference in the world. On a totally unrelated note…poor Victor.
He probably doesn’t even realize that the whole point of that conversation is to blog it. Silly, silly Victor.
I hope the bull penis was served with a side of Rocky Mountain oysters. Wouldn’t want any part going to waste, now would we?
And I thought -I- was having an interesting week, what with the not coming in until six am.
And Victor may have the largest ego in all of Texas.
Oh, I forgot to ask… What, exactly, would we have to do to see that list of things you never thought would come out of his mouth?
Please share the entire list. Victor deserves all kinds of public humiliation. There’s no way I could ever feel pity for someone who ruined our chance of seeing you accept an award in a panda costume.
On a related note: Did you ever think to check if his nifty little story is actually true? I mean, anyone can fake a broken arm in MEXICO. Is there any photographic evidence?
If Andrew Zimmern is willing to eat bull penis, do you think his next episode will feature cream of cow vagina?
Victor sounds like my husband: Always wanting me to edit out all the good stuff out of a potential blog post which = no fun. 🙂
Personally, I wouldn’t even dream of serving bull penis without a side of donkey balls…garnished with Gorilla pubes.
i wasn’t going to comment, because it’s pretty much all been said. but gd, how could i not comment on never overwhelming the dick in your mouth? i’ve never had a dick in my mouth i DIDN’T overwhelm.
Don’t husbands realise what they’ve gotten themselves in for when their wife is a blogger?
Why wouldn’t you blog that? I mean, really, it would be wrong to keep that little nugget all to yourself!
Oh My God I spit cinnabread all over my computer. Please have Victor come and clean it up for me. tx
How weird. This morning I was watching a rerun of Top Chef Masters and Andrew Zimmern was the guest judge. Even weirder is the fact that they were eating something called a geoduck (pronounced ‘gooey-duck’) that looks a whole lot like a penis. The chef cooking it even mentioned having to “remove the foreskin” before adding it to the dish.
Imagine my surprise when I googled geoduck and it turns out to be a goddamned clam. Bastards.
“Subtle” “taste” and “bull penis” should really never go together in a sentence. And I have more….
I am feeling a bit blue because just two days after I wrote to you and poetically requested (i.e. begged in the most dignified fashion that I could muster up) to be added to your blogroll, you completely deleted it. I am trying not to take this personally. OMG! Are you telling me that I suck? Don’t answer that.
I admit that after years of being married to my Sweet Babou, bull wieners just don’t impress me anymore. You pretty much have to go to marine mammals to get my attention.
So I laughed so hard, I started coughing, cause it’s allergy season here and all. And my kid (who is 5) asked why. There was no appropriate response. Thank you.
Guessing we are not still talking about taxidermied stuff? Just had a brain storm, though….bull penis jerky. You could market the hell out of that.
oh wow. I actually have no words. Except that I adore you.
This is among the best conversations ever.
And how could you not blog it. You should have been wearing the “I’m blogging all of this” shirt. As a disclaimer.
I believe Victor may be right…dick should never be overwhelmed…under any circumstances. I wonder how deeply this has been considered or how often. ; )
BTW, the Basque restaurants around here serve tongue…I wonder if it can be overwhelmed?
I showed this to my boyfriend and told him we needed to have more conversations like this, and his response was the same as when I told him we needed to accidentally kidnap a group of midgets.
What am I going to do with him? <Just imagine that in italics.
It’s like he doesn’t even know you.
Really he has only himself to blame…
This difference between your husband and mine? My husband would like me to blog more of the things that randomly fall out of his mouth.
i just peed my pants.
How can Victor want to deny us happiness? What is wrong with him?!?!?!
For this post, Victor rocks! You’ve gotta love all of the wonderful things that come out of a husband’s mouth.
I read this to my husband and he said,
“What do you mean ‘no’?” I asked.
“No, this doesn’t change any of my recent vetoes on blog pieces you still aren’t allowed to write.”
You totally rule in your house or Victor doesn’t actually read anything you write. Or both.
Seriously?? How long has Victor been married to you? He should know better by now.
Obviously Victor doesn’t get it after all this time. His loss.
Chicken Consigliere you are brilliant! Bull penis jerky FTW!
Bwahahahahaha…each time I read one of these type of posts, my girl crush on you gets bigger and bigger.
I just told my mom “and please stop licking people’s noses” which is something I thought I’d never have to say either.
I’m sorry but making that comment and then saying “don’t blog it” is like throwing a steak to a pack of hungry dogs and telling them not to eat it. Not gonna happen.
Of all the penises available to put into mouths, the bull penis does seem to be the most delicately flavored, so it is a legitimate concern…now the chupacabra, THAT sucker can stand up to anything you smother it with!
Totally googled it like Annadanna (from Canada) said…you’re the top four results. Technology never seizes to impress me.
Omg…I would comment, but I can’t stop cackling. Sounds like you need to finish the meal off with some Rocky Mountain Oysters.
Doesn’t penis come with its own sauce anyway?
Somehow the males in my house didn’t find this post – and the comments – quite as hysterical as I did. Their loss. You rock, girl!
Steph, you totally ruined my late night snack with that comment. Still, funny!
Steph, thank G*d I didn’t have the fettucini alfredo I planned for dinner…
When dried, they are called pizzle sticks and you find them in the doggie snack section of your local pet store. They have some that are, I kid you not, THREE FEET LONG. You can also get them in the less intimidating foot longs, but they are so skinny and pathetic looking that you get why they removed them from the poor animal. I picture all those unhappy bulls, squatting on bags of frozen peas out in the meadow…
I love that if a guy puts a human penis in his mouth on TV, people are all “zomg, teh gay!”, but if it is a bull penis, that’s just basic cable.
Oh my god, my husband will NOT SHUT UP so I can read all these comments. He’s had plenty of time to tell me about his day already; I DON’T CARE what happened when he went to Dawanatra Whoever’s house to measure it for carpet. . . This is much more important. WHY CAN’T HE UNDERSTAND THIS???
Jodee, I appreciated your comment. That is all.
I named my second child Bull Penis so he wouldn’t get beaten up in middle school.
I also googled, “How to not overwhelm the taste of penis.” Sure enough, your blog pops up as the top 5 results. This is great!
If Nathon Fillion won’t post next to yarn, perhaps he’d be more willing to pose sexily with some bull penis. I’d vote for that
So, ya. This totally makes me wish I had blogged about a little convo I had with my hubby this evening:
Me (after discovering he had “accidentally” ereased our kid competition pics of his phone because he was playing with it): I think you play with that more than you play with yourself. Or is it a tie?
Him (after a long pause because he was seriously thinking about it): It’s a tie.
Me: Really? I think you play with your phone more.
Him: Ya. But only because I can’t just whip my dick out at work.
Him: Not that I WOULD! Or would WANT to…. just sayin’.
Me (after regaining my composure): I sooooo should blog about this.
Him: You WOULDN’T!!!
Me (not realizing Ms. Bloggess was probably posting about her hubby’s strange dick comment at that exact moment): Ya, you’re right. I probably won’t.
*cue creepy twilight music* I soooo should post it now. hehehehehehehehehehe
but why WOULDn’t you blog this?
Omg. This conversation, or one scarily like it comes around just about every night at my house. Usually by the time I get around to my daily post I’ve forgotten which ridiculous thing I was going to write about. I think our husbands bait us just to see what we’ll say about them! 🙂
Love your blog!
Exactly how did you hide the blog and wicked sense of humor before you got married? Victor always seems so surprised by both, I can only guess you hid them until after the wedding.
I just thought you’d like to know that your blog posts have been influencing my hormonally-fueled second trimester dreams. My husband got so mad at me when I had that dream about Wil Wheaton fondling me that I just can’t imagine what his reaction will be when the bull penis shows up. So thanks, Jenny. 🙂
You know, a lot of those bull penises make their own sauce.
Yes. Because preserving the taste of the bull penis should always be priority #1. Learned that on Day 1 of cooking school. No really.
Surely a better question would be why *wouldn’t* you blog this?
You have all the lawyers in your state paid off so Victor can’t divorce you, don’t you?!
Hi! I saw this over on the Cheezeburgah site and thought of you and the on-going (I hope!) quest for a photo of Nathan Fillion with twine. It’s on-going, right? Gee, I hate to take away from the bull penis conversation’s importance, but it’s Nathan Fillion we’re talking about. I wonder if he would ever eat bull penis. There. Tied it together.
In any case, this photo has him wearing a ridonk hat and holding a light saber. Someone got him to do that. Or he came up with it himself, which is better. Anyway, contrary to its categorization, not demotivational but very very motivational. Happy Sunday and this is a real and safe link, I pinky swear! Laters!
Many years ago, my uncle accidentally bought bull testicles [because who hasn’t that happened to?] and my family ended up having a big old party to eat them.
My family drank a lot.
Does Victor mutter, “kiss of death” often? Maybe he has it tatooed somewhere??
So you’re on my very short blogroll (I’m choosy you know) and I saw this an JUST KNEW I HAD TO READ IT RIGHT AWAY, and I was right. As usual. Maybe you could put me on your blogroll? I’ve noticed your bar is set way lower than mine. Regarding quantity, not quality. Crap. *note to self. I really shouldn’t reply unless I’ve been drinking*
We live not too far from a true Asian grocery- the kind where the BBQ ducks still have their heads on. At that market, the raw bull penis, called “pizzel”, is sold curled up in a tray.
They try to make it look like sausage, but everyone in the know knows just what it is; especially since it’s sold right next to the goat testicles.
Knowing that you’re always thirsty for knowledge I just thought I’d share that.
I WAS looking forward to going out tonight for dinner @steph and @nicole: The fetuccine alfredo sauce comment is pure genius but I may never be able to eat it again. We’re going to an Italian restaurant tonight.I know what I am NOT ordering. Do you think if i asked if they had bull penis on the menu they would take me seriously?
Owwwww, I should really stop reading your blog when I have gallbladder pain! I laugh really and and then I hurt worse. Stupid gallbladder, limiting my Jenny access.
I knew there was a reason I joined the bloggess’ army. She WINS in so many way.
Did you know that Rasputin’s legenday penis is (probably, according to urban legend) on display in the Russian Museum of Erotica in St. Petersburg?
True story. (again: maybe). Legend has it that his Russian assassins severed it on their fourth failed assassination attempt, and apparently it fell into the hands of museum curators who wisely considered it a fitting historical relic worthy of display. Anyway this doesn’t have much to do with bull peen, but I thought it was a story you might enjoy knowing.
(PS: google image search “rasputin’s penis” at your own risk. It is definitely NSFW. Unless you work as a penis-embalmer).
Holy crap, I think this might be THE funniest post I’ve ever read here. Which, considering the length, is rather proof that size doesn’t matter.
I can’t count the number of conversation in our house that tend this way. We are a punchline kind of group.
Andi should know if this part of the country, they DO fry bull balls and call them “Rocky Mountain Oysters” or “Bull Fries”. Never had one, never will. Strangely enough, it is usually tough guy cowboys who eat them (*snicker*).
I prefer whale’s vagina.
Whoever allowed him to use “subtle” and “bull penis” in the same sentence should be injured. Or hugged and applauded, I’m not sure which.
Interesting…you really have no filter on your blog do you? My problem is that my husband is bigger than me and my kids are meaner and faster and I’m pretty sure they’d fucking kill me If I started writing all their shit down!
By the way…what channel was that? Id really like the recipe for my mother in law…
victor does realize it was his fault right? I mean, if he hadn’t *said it* you would have never actually blogged this! (I say we stick to that story)
Honestly…How would you NOT blog that? He should know better than to say anything… lol!
Well, the nuances of penis flavor are all well and good, but what about the savory nature of testicles?
I’ve seen that episode twice now; I can’t seem to look away from the peniseses on TV when they’re being all sauced-up and eaten, and stuff. It’s educational, really.
I’m glad you decide to keep Victor around. LOL.
p.s. I do hope he’s recovering well. Otherwise I can’t imagine what a pain he could be for you at home…. ^_^
You are so fucking brilliant. Never stop!!!
Coming from a gay dude, the best I can say is “wow…”
I think it’s totally obvious that you spoiled!!! Remember the giant bull penises we ate this weekend??? AZ just doesn’t know a proper bull penis when he sees it … However, I did have a dream two weeks ago where I was totally dating him, tried to tell my girlfriends about it (they didn’t know who he was!!!!! WTF???), then found a horrible picture of him in People and had to lie and say it was absolutely not him that I was dream-dating. But really, I think he’s pretty hot. Probably because he can be a real asshole.
That’s what all the girls tell me not to overwhelm the ole mouth
So are you saying the bull’s penis was underwhelming? I take it this had nothing to do with the sauce,,,
lol I just had the “bull penis” discussion with hubby! We’ve both been to Korea, Japan and China, so I’m pretty sure at least one of us has had it at some time or other. Oddly it was probably not the grossest “mouth feel” of the trip! 🙂
I really need to know what kind of sauce you would use that WOULD overcome the taste of bull penis. ‘Cause I’m pretty sure that would be my foremost goal if I had to eat it.
Is he still on pain meds for the arm because it sounds like he doesn’t know you at all!
3 out of 4 heifers disagree with the ‘subtle sauce’ comment.
All I know is that when I find a man convinced that he is well endowed, I do NOTHING to discourage his belief. It’s the only thing that seems to give them self esteem. And we are supposed to be the weaker sex. HA
I’m into using the whole animal and all that, but seriously, the twig and berries of any critter gracing the table is useful to me only as a snack for the dog. Just sayin’.
I didn’t have your email, so here you are, you inspired this:
Thanks for making my Monday a bit more giggly!
I assume he just likes to say “you can’t blog this.” for fun. Perhaps as some sort of an ironic/futile game?
That’s better than Mother Angelica discussing her favorite “ejaculations.”
I really hate when the “special sauce” overwhelms the taste of the penis.
Sometimes the smallest can be the most direct, accurate and satisfying.
Add that to the ever-growing list of ways in which blogging is like sex.
If anyone knows how to *not* have bizarre conversations while watching Bizarre Foods then I need to know about it!
So this sauce… not a translucent, white and slightly salty sauce, was it?
Yeah, we talk about penis a lot at our house, as well.
You’ve never heard of ‘prairie oysters’?
They’re not really oysters.
I agree with the Rev. on this one. Victor has to invoke the “no blog” rule before speaking if he has a shot ata ll of not having us giggle.
I think MRTL also had a good point. I mean, accents can really confuse people sometimes, that’s all.
It’s a rule of thumb. Someone says ‘You can’t blog this’ automatically you’re writing it in your head. It’s like he practically gave permission for this himself!
OMG woman! You kill me! You absolutely kill me!
I love that someone else has such a high disregard for their significant other’s privacy.
I just have to say that this shit made me laugh out loud tonight. And this is exactly what I needed today after feeling like I was losing my shit in a downward spiral of crazy. Thank you!
I just saw this show on the Discovery Channel and with your love of stuffed alligators, squirrels and James Garfield, I just had to share it with you – http://dsc.discovery.com/tv/oddities/ – you may have already seen it, but if not, you should!
I named my second child Bull Penis so he wouldn’t get beaten up in middle school. Stupid gallbladder, limiting my Jenny access.
Hahaha, that is all….. 🙂 🙂