Can you carry an alligator on a plane? Answer: I still don’t entirely know.

If you follow me on twitter then you already know that yesterday I bought and smuggled a dead alligator onto a plane so you can just skip the next paragraph and go straight to the money-shot below.

If you missed it, I’ll just sum up by saying that if you ask twitter if it’s legal to carry a smallish sort of taxidermied alligator onto a plane with you, most people will say “Um, no.  You aren’t even allowed to bring breast milk on a plane.”  Then you’ll point out that the alligator is at least 50 years old, is wearing clothes and is missing a hand and some of them will change their mind but most will still insist he’ll be considered a weapon.  Then you’ll say “I can’t imagine anyone seriously thinking I’d try to take over a plane using only a tiny, clothed alligator as a weapon” and everyone on twitter will like “Really? Have you even met you?  Because that sounds exactly like something you’d do.”  And they had a point.  But what I learned is that if you carry your alligator through the airport with confidence, no one ever questions you. Probably because you’re holding an alligator.

I call him "Jean-Louis". Victor is not a fan. Probably because he had to share the window seat. And because I'm already making plans to buy him a tiny pirate suit. And a hook for his missing hand. And a saucy little pony-tail. Victor: "This dead alligator is a damn money pit." Oh my God, if I had a nickel for every time someone said that to me.

195 thoughts on “Can you carry an alligator on a plane? Answer: I still don’t entirely know.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. It must be the beret. Nobody is scared of anyone in a beret. Except I’m scared of mimes. They wear berets. Maybe Jean-Louis was a mime when he was alive. Kinda sucks that he lost a hand. He was a half-effective mime.

  2. He speaks in a gravely French accent, am I right? Because that’s what I’m hearing in my head: “I am a jaunty stuffed al-E-GAY-tor! Oui oui!” Like that.

  3. Times sure have changed.

    Years ago, I asked a friend why she had a taxidermied cobra covered with dust and hair under her bed. It was because her best friend had brought it from Texas, ON A PLANE, and she didn’t have the heart to throw it away. It, too, had some of its poor old carcass cracked off. But you used to be able to just take dead animals on planes with no problem.

    It wasn’t wearing any clothes, though. Maybe that ups the ante.

  4. As I posted this, a few more comments came in, and they all mentioned the state of your alligator’s non-nakedness as an issue. I think we’ve nailed the crux of the problem here. Strip that ‘gator naked and take him to the airport, see what happens. I think it’s safe to say you’ll be pleasantly surprised!

  5. So, as a crafty bitch, may I please request Jean-Louis’s measurements? Surely, I could come up with something awesome (after April 18th because I work in a tax firm and they’re totally trying to kill me) but I’d hate for it to be glaringly out of scale.

  6. I’ve never seen anything even remotely as interesting on a flight.

    Ow. I think I sprained my Grammar gland.

  7. You didn’t say it was wearing a hat… That changes everything.
    Seriously, this does seem like the kind of thing that would confuse the TSA.
    Thanks for posting pictures!

  8. If you can’t spend your disposable income on costumes for a small taxidermied alligator, then what else is money FOR? Honestly, it’s self-explanatory.

  9. His full name is clearly Jean-Louis Valjean, and he is starring in an updated version of Les Miserables, coming home from the revolution minus his hand, his sweater tattered in the foxholes as he dodged enemy fire. And here, on the plane, he is singing, tenderly “Bring Him Home.” Godspeed, Jean-Louis.

  10. Victor’s just jealous because he doesn’t have the option of having a hook for a hand…or a jaunty beret. He’s mad because he looks like a freakin’ mummy in all that Ace bandage, his arm looks HUGE!!! Poor Victor…

  11. I agree about the French accent thing. He looks like he’d say, “Oh, cheri! Breeng me your cheeeldren so that I may dine opon zer ‘ands.”

  12. Aww, he’s totally adorable! If you go to Build-a-Bear you can buy a thing you can record a message on to go inside a stuffed animal. While this might stretch Build-a-Bear’s definition of “stuffed animal,” I can’t think of a better place to jam one of those. Preferably with a recording of someone saying something obscure and creepy.

  13. Most importantly, does he have a Twitter account yet?

    (And I think the store where you purchased Jean-Louis made a slight error in the authenticity of his attire. I thought it was common knowledge that alligators prefer Tam O’Shanter caps?)

  14. I’ve totally brought breast milk on a plane before. It’s the only thing my alligator will drink…

  15. I know it’s a gator, but does it remind anyone else of that dancing/singing alien from Spaceballs?
    “Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal….”

    Yeah, next time do that!

  16. (Sweaty, cigarette breath, French guy voice) Aah yes, my cheri. Jean-Louis loves the way your milky-white skin glistens in the rays of dee sun through dee window, dee lusciousness of your lips and the curve of your breasts in your sweater. You are like a fine wine. You must be appreciated and treasured. You are meant to be enjoyed with a very rare steak and savored with every bite. **obnoxious French guy laugh*

  17. I have heard from a friend that it is also completely illegal to have sex with an alligator on an airplane. Don’t ask me how I heard that, just know it. Know. It.

    My friend said he’s going to test out the FAA’s crocodile-fucking policy next. My friend is really crazy. I’ve heard.

  18. Why is he a Money Pit? does he ask Victor for money so that he may sit by the window? I’m SURE the Alligator doesn’t care if you buy his pirate clothes or Space Suits from a second hand Alligator store! PLUS, since he has a lost limb that just SAVES money. You can’t go wrong with that.

  19. I think victor is jealous you are buying Jean Louis a hook and he gets the shaft. Maybe matching pirate outfits are in order. I’d give you $.11 again to set that up.

  20. I never doubted for a second that you couldn’t carry that on board. I mean, how many dead alligators have actually been convicted of hijacking and blowing up planes? Just the fact that somehow, in western North Carolina, you found a fully dressed alligator is impressive. (i know shit cuz i live in NC too and i’ve NEVER seen a fully dressed alligator…even with both hands)

    And, are you sure it’s not a crocodile…cuz they kinda look similar?

  21. I once had someone bring me a stuffed, lacquered frog from Mexico, but your alligator is much, much cooler!!

  22. Jean-Louis is not a money pit. He is a pirate & pirates take your money. Duh. Maybe Victor needs to do some wiki reading on pirates. :p

  23. So let me get this straight: Francophile alligator = legitimate traveling companion. Breastmilk = possible terrorist threat. Glad to clear that up.

    Also, does Jean-Louis moonlight at Walt Disney World? Possibly at the Port Orleans French Quarter Resort? I swear I’ve seen him there before.

  24. Try Lowe’s for the pirate hook. I saw a pink flamingo in a pirate suit with a hook for one of it’s feet yesterday.

  25. Yeeps! I mentioned to you a few months back that we had a briefcase-and-bowtie gator of our own and now we’ve GOT to get these two together for a playdate. Problem is Herbert is totally afraid of flying. They get all uppity about his alligator skin briefcase at security and when he has to remove his hat they laugh at his bald patch. TSA bastards don’t realize alligators don’t have hair but somehow their ignorance still hurts. Herbert’s sensitive like that.
    [ Tagged you in my facebook pic of Herbert. ]

  26. Your tweeting of your alligator smuggling was the only thing that got me through a rather vicious hangover. Thank you for being you.

  27. Yeah, in my mind I was pretty sure I was going to see you doing this:

    But was pleasantly surprised. PS: Do you think his hand is some old lady’s coin purse somewhere? I’m so sad he’s stubby and think he definitely needs a hook hand. Or maybe a whisk hand. Then you could put him to work in the kitchen.

  28. OMG…my family has a house at the bay and Jean-Louis’ twin sits on a shelf by the front door. That thing used to scare the shit out of me when I was little. Then his tail fell off and someone used duct tape to put it back on, so he’s not quite as bad ass and scary as he once was. I can’t believe I never thought of knitting something for him to cover up the duct tape. That must be so embarrasing for him. Next time I’m there I’ll take a picture.

  29. like previous comments mention, if you had said he was wearing a beret twitter would have had a different answer. no one’s afraid of the french. sorry, but it’s true.

    ALSO. i too hope he has a french accent.

  30. PS, your site is so totally boss that it opens that youtube without redirecting to another page. I am dazed with the shock of your awesomeness.

  31. i think they all felt bad cuz he’s missing a hand so they let you slide. then there’s the beret. no on can be bad in a beret. i mean the guardian angels wear berets right.

  32. Like Dawn and some others have mentioned, he totally looks like he’s singing. I’m pretty sure he’s doing a show tune, but it’s hard to tell without a visible jazz hand. He also may be channeling Jesus at the moment he gives it up on the cross.

  33. I think you’re wearing off on me, because my first thought was “How much hair do you need? Cause I’ll totally cut a shank off mine for the alligator.”

  34. Wait – nursing mothers aren’t allowed to fly unless they leave their breasts at home? That can’t be right!

    Et Jean-Louis est très mignon, bien que court.

  35. The last time I flew, I think (not sure—was on lots of drugs) I sat next to that exact alligator but he was flying alone and wearing a business suit.

    Is that Victor’s bandaged arm in the photo?

  36. So clearly the solution to Victor’s problems is to open your very own taxidermied animal museum. It would generate its own income, and you could buy as many as you wanted and write them off on your taxes. Then you could have a side business where you opened a sweatshop to sew tiny little outfits for the squirrels and alligators and bigger ones for the boars and such.

  37. I think you had better buy Victor a matching hook for that broken arm. He and the alligator (which in my mind is named Allie Gay Tor) could hold hooks as they skip down the street singing something from Les Mis.

  38. I am so jealous. About 4 years ago my husband and I were in Florida and we were bargaining with a guy in a shop for a little alligator very similar to that one but it had two hands and also it was naked. We regret to this day that we didn’t buy it. We talk about it all the time. So maybe tell that to Victor and he’ll appreciate it. Better to have a money pit alligator than a lifetime of regret.

  39. It would have been insane if you hadn’t gotten him. How fucking precious! Please let him do a guest post. I bet he’d be as randomly awesome as a paralegal.

  40. He’s totally going to be a French pirate. And he does speak and a raspy French accent and is quite a lady-killer. He totally hit on the lady sitting next to me on the plane. She was unsettled but slightly charmed. True story.

  41. Jenny, seriously. No self-respecting french alligator would be caught dead (hehehe) with a ponytail. What are you thinking?? He does however need a thin little handlebar mustache, so he can twist the end with his hook…

  42. Look, I’m thrilled that you were able to secretly terrorize the plane with a preserved French amputee alligator. But where is my Nathan Fillion twine photo which I paid 11 cents for? WHERE?

  43. I can vouch from experience that, as long as you walk with confidence, you can also carry a baby ferret through a busy supermarket while doing your grocery shopping without anybody seeming to care.

  44. Oh Jenny, you are a star. I don’t know from where you get your ideas but they are golden. You have quite the dead animal menagerie. Kudos.

  45. My search stats indicated that people were coming to my blog to find out whether you can take grapefruit on a plane, so I researched it. The answer is yes, you can take fruit on a plane (although it has to be x-rayed). So for next time (there will be a next time, right? I mean, you can’t just fly off somewhere and leave him home), just argue that alligator is a fruit. But don’t try to hide him inside a watermelon, because they’ll find him when they x-ray it.

  46. I can’t help but notice the non-alligator being in the photograph is clearly a mummy. How did you get a mummy through security, Jenny?

  47. He’s ADORABLE! I saw your Tweets yesterday (I was “supposed” to be doing poop patrol in my yard, so please keep it to yourself that I was lurking on Twitter instead) and had imagined him . . . ugly. He’s actually quite charming. I will never doubt you again.

  48. Can we pause and direct our attention slightly north of here to Mario’s comment (#68)? Because that’s *extremely* funny shizz and in this crowd, that’s saying A LOT. And p.s. ComLuv is messing with me and won’t share the title of my last post with you. Maybe you could get Jean-Louis to bite of ComLuv’s hand for me. Thank you.

  49. Maybe it’s ’cause of how small he is…I had this image in my mind of you carrying at least 2-feet worth of alligator through the airport. They probably mistook him for a children’s toy. A vaguely creepy, deformed, broken and dangerous children’s toy.

  50. Could it be that people thought you’d adopted him?

    You how you tell kids that it’s rude to stare at disfigured people (and those Mexican midgets from the porno’s), well maybe it’s like that… maybe you WERE seen by a lot of people but nobody wanted to be caught staring in case it was your adopted son Jean-Louis. And if you were carrying it nonchalantly and talking to it, then even more so… they probably pitied you, the judgy bastards!

  51. I did see this on Twitter and it made me wonder if my toddler would be considered a “weapon” and not able to board a plane due to his sharp teeth. Glad to see your alligator was able to make it home with you.

  52. Haha I guess you grew up with taxidermied animals so this is a actually really normal for you even though it isn’t for most people (me included). Super cute though. And love the idea of making the non-hand a hook! Hilarious.

  53. i’m pretty sure there is a loop-hole that as long as said thing is in a beret…you can totally bring it on a plane

  54. I recently saw a pile of taxidermied alligator heads while on vacation, but I wasn’t sure how to get them home without ending up with crushed dried alligator bits in my suitcase mixed with my “unmentionables”. Now it turns out I could have just carried it on??? Another missed opportunity.

    I expect great things from Jean-Louis.

  55. I told you that you could do it! If anyone ever stops you from bringing any animal/type on a plane, you just say, “I’m mentally unstable and this is my comfort animal.” A few years ago, someone brought a LIVE PIG on a plane.

    It sat first class too.

    True Story.

  56. Did you ask him how he lost his hand and he was all “My dove, zat is a ztory for anozher day, but I weel say, you should ‘ave seen zee othere guy!” then threw his little head back and laughed and laughed…?

  57. Victor’s just jealous that J.L. one-upped his broken arm with a missing hand. Chop off Victor’s hand, then it will be an even playing field and they can bond.

  58. I’m concerned about the quality of taxidermied animals that you’ve run into lately. Seriously? One hand? A broken tail? Do the taxidermists of the world have no pride in their work anymore? At least this poor gator has you to put things to right with a hook and a costume change.

  59. There’s a roadside museum not so far from here that has stuffed gophers that are dressed and on display. You and Jean Louis should come for a visit and check it out. Maybe see if you can buy a one handed gopher named Wayne.

    Bringing both back and forth over the borders might be a problem though. Bring a double stroller so you can pass them off as your mutant children. Or maybe you could get a gopher dressed as a Mountie and handcuff him and Jean Louis together and claim Wayne is escorting a wanted criminal back for trial. Oooo… what d’ya think Jean Louis did?

  60. There’s nothing better than a money pit dead alligator…unless it’s a pirate money pit alligator. I can’t wait to see him looking like Captain Jack Sparrow. But I can’t wait to see most things looking like Captain Jack Sparrow so my vote probably doesn’t count.

  61. Omfg. Google that question – Can I carry an alligator on a plane? – and see the shit that comes up. wtf

  62. This is why I don’t take planes I don’t need the stress of trying to figure out if I can take a dead alligator or say a shank onto a plane.

    You should have told them that he was your service animal…you know..for comfort or something, your old deformed service animal.

  63. Coolest alligator ever — is it the post? No, it’s something about the beret. It makes it look French and, let’s face it, the French beat out all other nationalities at saying ‘eff you’ to the world. I bet the hand is missing because he was giving someone the finger and they snapped it off.

  64. I think the more pressing question is “why wouldn’t you take a well-dress alligator on a plane?”

  65. I think the real question here is “Does James Garfield have a Twitter, yet?” Let’s not get ahead of ourselves giving Jean-Louis a Twitter before James Garfield gets one. It’s all about the priorities, people! (Not that I don’t love Jean-Louis, I’ve just known James Garfield longer.)

  66. The airline was probably just happy it wasn’t a screaming child or or going to complain about the body scan!

  67. He is adorable!!! As long as you feed your money pit breastmilk, you can bring both on the plane. Just explain, its all he’ll eat and he is fed on demand. I’d like to see them argue with that!

  68. Remember the Kewpie Doll craze? When every single girl you knew were knitting something for theirs and you left out because you could not even tie a bow tie without using up the entire row? Oh, not your childhood? Nevertheless remember the Kewpie Dolls? THIS, I am calling it now, will create a craze amongst your devoted readers who are etsy-level crafty (I am guessing the % to be around 60%?) to create outfits for Jean-Louis.

    I think you should declare that Jean-Louis does not mind cross-dress. This will guarantee maximum creativity in this brand new trend.

    Now I am going to sit down and wait for the fashion show to begin.

  69. Now you have to find a tiny stuffed parrot – to put on his shoulder when he is wearing his pirate outfit… Victor is right – the alligator IS a money-pit!

  70. That is the most impossibly cute tiny french taxidermied alligator I have ever seen. He made my day! I’m pretty sure it’s his jaunty beret that totally magnifies his cuteness. Although, if pirate Jean-Louis gets an eye patch I may die.

  71. I think you may be turning into the Janitor from Scrubs. Only madder.
    Which is a great compliment, as far as I’m concerned. Carry on.

  72. Your alligator needs a clock, a big ticking one like in Peter Pan. Excepting he’s rocking a beret so you should get him a big round one on a chain like Flavor Flav.

    Oh my god. Parachute Pants. A tiny alligator with a big clock and parachute pants. If anyone can make this happen it is you!

  73. Fuck the guy with the twine, I want a picture of James Franco holding your alligator–ideally whilst wearing a matching beret.

  74. I wonder if he was friends with the old fur wraps that still had fox faces on them? They would be terribly intimidated by Jean-Louis. Or maybe not. I mean, once you’ve been skinned, flattened, and forced to lay around on the shoulders of a dusty old dame, Jean-Louis may be your new best friend. I can hear their tiny voices, “Monsieur, please, help me. Get me out of here. I can’t stand the club smoke anymore.”

  75. Maybe Victor is jealous that he can’t carry the same look as well. Promise you’ll post him with the pirate outfit…. 🙂

  76. Okay, this settles it. I’ve been holding out against twitter–just one more thing to prevent me from doing more responsible things, I’m sure–but dammit, I’m missing out. I *need* to know these things. Crucial information about security regs regarding taxidermied bereted alligator air travel such as this must be kept constantly up-to-date.

  77. Victor should not have to SHARE the window seat, he should have given it up to poor handicaped Jean Louis! His seat I mean, not anything else get your mind out of the gutter people!

  78. Apparently confidence is key. Yay for airlines and their naive belief that you wouldn’t take over a plane with an alligator!

  79. This little guy is much smaller than I had envisioned him. I was curious how security had let you “just walk through” with a 6ft long alligator…

  80. Crap forgot to mention –

    It’s something of a mystery to me, why you are able to take a stuffed alligator onto an aircraft… but not gravy.
    The signs specifically says “Gravy” but has no mention of stuffing or even cranberry sauce… so I can only assume they have something against gravy. You’re not supposed to buy or fly with gravy… if you do… the terrorist win!

    Glad gators aren’t gravy.

  81. As a child we would abduct tiny lizards from Florida on vacation and hide them in our luggage to take home. I believe we thought we’d raise large communes of them in Chicago and they would get as big as our rats so we could stage lizard v rat fights.
    We’d always forget about them when we got home and find their dried up carcasses in our clothing the next summer.
    If I would’ve kept them, they may have looked quite fetching in a fez.

  82. It would have been awesome if they had told you they just needed to confirm he was, indeed, deceased before letting you board.

  83. Does anyone know what happened to his hand? Seems like he might have chewed it off trying to escape the captor who dressed him like Donald duck. Oh the Donald Duck look always gives me the heebie jeebies.

    Tim- If your are looking for discussions on size, I think the bull penis blog might be more to your liking. No! wait! (Its too cruel. I don’t even know you.)

  84. Please say he has a twin! My daughter’s 2nd birthday is coming up and since I’m such an awesome parent, I think a taxidermied alligator would be perfect for my little girl. Or it could be one of those presents where I could “give” it to her but I can just keep it.

  85. please tell me you see the irony in dressing a tiny alligator in a pirate’s costume with a hook for a hand…come on!!! PETER PAN! The croc (alligator…same thing) tormented Hook, who wore a pirate suit….and had a hook for a hand…. 🙂 ta-da!

  86. Did he come so snazzily dressed or did you buy him his European ensemble and dress him accordingly?

    Methinks you are on the verge of starting a new trend. Before we know it, we’ll see celebrities carrying dressed-up taxidermied animals instead of the dressed-up chihuaha’s. Personally, I think it’s an improvement.

  87. I followed this whole saga on Twitter – and spent the whole time wondering where in the hell did you find a dead taxidermied (yes, that IS a word spell-check!) alligator, who is apparently dressed as a French person, in North Carolina??? Really? I’ve been here for about 13 years and I’ve never seen one of these!

  88. I’m not sure why, but even on the SHITTIEST day of the week, your fucking insane blog makes me feel at least 60% less stabby, and that really is enough to get me by. So, thanks to the tune of great big gorgeous truckloads of taxidermied animals with variously jaunty headgear.

  89. so when are yoi guing to have shirts for sale with him on them.. id so buy one I can picture him in a pirate outfit saying “give me all your booty” I LOVE HIM!

  90. I have a taxidermied (taxidermy-ed?) caiman who’s legs have come off… but I still have all the parts. I’d be happy to send you whatever missing parts you need, but you have to cherish it for me, because the caiman has been a big part of my life (it was sitting on an ever-changing pile of junk in the garage by the back door to my childhood home, so I saw it every day when I got home from school).
    Okay, I don’t really “have” it, because it’s now in the closet of my old bedroom at my mom’s house in Michigan, and I currently live in Colorado. Also, I can’t really ask her to ship it, because if my brother finds out that I’m just giving away our family heirlooms he’d kill me. But if you can wait until I go back to Michigan for a visit over Thanksgiving, THEN I can ship it to you. And it will be our secret.

  91. I saw him and immediately thought, “OMG he’s so cute!” Which makes me realize your blog has taken over my brain. Never leave us.

  92. How can you tell he is at least 50? We watch the TV show Swamp People and if they ever pulled a 50 year old gator out of the bayou, this size, wearing this outfit…well, it would be a whole different ball game.

  93. I’ve been tuned into this dilemma since yesterday, and I have to say: I’m pleased as punch to know that it turned out OK.

  94. I love you, every time I am having a shitty day, which lately, has been always, I come here and laugh and it’s all better! Then I have few margaritas and IT’S EVEN BETTER.

  95. It really was because it just wasn’t worth the effort to argue with a woman who would who have the balls to bring it on the plane…and I still <3 U 🙂

  96. I have to stop reading your posts just before I post… always makes me feel too mature, and there is just something wrong with that…

  97. Wow. Just….wow. I was totally gonna say that he looks like a Jean-Michel and then BAM! YOU SAID HIS NAME WAS JEAN-MICHEL! Son nom est Jean-Michel. If only he was wearing a black/white striped tee. Wouldn’t he make a great mime? I’d love to know his back story. Like, how did he lose the hand/paw/claw? Brothers? Sisters? How was it for him growing up? He looks more like a caiman than an alligator. I wonder if the *milkman* was a caiman?

  98. I personally would like a taxidermied ferret. In a tutu, with a sombrero. She could date Capt. Frenchie the Allie Gay Tor. 🙂 My husband is terrified of taxidermy, this could be fun…. lol

  99. Yes, he looks French. Not many are afraid of the French. You could probably dress just about anything up in a beret and get it through security.

  100. Never tried to smuggle on a dead, taxidermied and be-outfitted alligator, but I did learn once that a 10-pound statue of The Morrigan (ancient goddess of vengeance and protector of women) in your carry-on will get you THE LOOK in the x-ray line.

  101. Sometimes I try to imagine the faces of people the first time they visit your home.

    I wonder if carrying a tiny, clothed alligator on a plane ensures no weird people will sit next to you or if it means only the weirdest possible people will sit next to you.

  102. I haven’t set foot on a plane in over 25 years. But you’ve given me the confidence that when I do, it’s ok to take a taxidermied animal. Now I just need to wait for one of the neighbour’s cats to suffer an unfortunate heart attack..

  103. I hope all of the terrorists who read your blog aren’t out killing innocent pigmy alligators and then chopping off their dead arms, stuffing them and dressing them like Monet because YOU HAVE JUST TOLD THEM HOW TO SMUGGLE THESE WEAPONS ONTO PLANES. I mean, that would suck.

  104. Is he French or is he Cajun? Personally, I think he’s Cajun just because I don’t think there are many alligator in France. I’m picturing Gambit (from X-men) as an alligator but that may just be from playing Marvel video games this week. I’m unemployed so I’m trying to get 100% on my games.

  105. I’m surprised the airlines didn’t make you buy a seat for him. But I think he’s quite cute. Love the kicky beret! It’s kind of like having a Barbie doll for grownups. I’m going to look for one for myself now.

  106. On a vacation to New Orleans, I met many alligators. Captain Reggie, a toothless marvel from the swamp people, took me on a boat tour of the bayou. The alligators loved marshmallows, and when Captain Reggie threw one into the water, alligators swarmed our boat. But they had no interest in tearing us limb from limb! They were just jonesing for that sweet, sweet mallow.

    You should give your little friend a marshmallow. Maybe impale it on the end of his stump, so he looks like he’s holding it. Yum.

  107. This is precisely how I plan to get my large dog onto a plane with me. I dress him in boys clothes and when security tries to tell me I can’t bring him on I burst into tears and yell “why? You think my son’s ugly? Are you discriminating against us because he’s got a hair condition????”
    I think a pirate costume is exactly what the alligator needs. It’ll make him feel better for missing a hand.

  108. Everyone knows that dead clothed alligators are actually sex toys not weapons. The folks in the airport–TOTALLY JEALOUS OF YOU.

  109. Is that alligator dressed entirely in red and white? Because if so you realize he’s not just an alligator, he’s Santa-gator. Which in French makes him Petite Papa-gator Noel.

  110. The hook on the missing hand is kind of ironic. Isn’t that why Captain Hook was Captain Hook? Because the alligator took off his hand? I guess Hamurabi’s law applies, an eye for an eye. Or in this case and hand/hook for a hand/hook.

  111. “Alligator on a plane”.. is that some sort of euphemism for a short armed person who cannot reach the luggage bins? Cause that’s just wrong. I don’t think you’d need to carry them on at all. It’s likely they could walk onto the plane just like everyone else.

  112. Damn, woman, you just made my day.

    Thank god my daughter is asleep – if she saw that shit, she’d want one too. And we have enough weird shit around here as it is.

  113. Well of course the TSA would let that alligator through! Look at the name, and that hat, and it’s obvious why: because the damn thing is French! And we all know that the French don’t pose a threat to anybody!

    ~EdT. (who actually has some French blood in his ancestry, somewhere.)

  114. No no no, you can totally take breast milk on a plane. It’s the only liquid you can have that can exceed the 3oz container limit!
    Speaking of containers, is this alligator hollow? Because I think if it is you should fill it with something. Probably not breast milk. I was thinking more like vodka. Shots out of a dead alligator would really be something. Until you got wasted and accidentally bit yourself. With the alligator’s teeth.

  115. So speechless… You have a way of rendering me speechless…people say that is impossible…well done!

  116. Going with the French pirate motif was a stroke of brilliance. NO one suspects the French of ever harboring takeover plans.

    It IS hard to say “ARRRRRRGH” with a French accent, though….

    When he’s not out hijacking planes, he’ll be great company for the tuskered pig…

  117. Woke up at 4am because I have to have laser surgery for my eye (narrow angled glaucoma) and it hurts like a bitch. Have had it done about 100 times. I’m so glad I found the most recent blog, it will give me something to smile about when my head is getting hammered. Just a thought, how about a small pipe for Jean-Louis, in keeping with the French theme or maybe a baguette?

  118. I bet they didn’t say “please remove all alligators from your tray tables and prepare for landing”. He looks like he is thrilled. You have good taste…I think he is adorable!

  119. I so would rather have a dead alligator sitting next to me on a plane than my obnoxiously SNORING husband. I LOVE the name Jean-Louis. It needs it’s on fan page and Twitter!!!

  120. w…t..f.. lol.
    I think the best thing I’ve done, was run across your blog, then find you on twitter, because you are a never ending source of entertainment.

  121. heh heh, hee hee, HAHAHAHAHAHA. then I got told to keep it down (oops). love it! doing anything you shouldn’t be with enough confidence usually works….more than a few swapped seat at concerts to show for that one!

  122. I am sure you have to be aware of the irony involved with buying your tiny stuffed alligator a hook for its missing hand. Although I do suppose technically that was a crocodile, not an alligator, but still! (I vote yes for doing it, btw.)

  123. I was searching about alligators and this website came up. Just so you know.. I went alligator hunting, killed an alligator, put it in my carry on, and got on the plane with no problems. I went through security with a dead alligator stuffed in my bag and had no problems. Sans the cute hat.

  124. I wish I was kidding when I say this, but am afraid it’s 100% the truth. In 2007 I brought (some would say “smuggled”) a dead, fetal llama from Bolivia into the US. In my pants. Because no one knew if it was legal or not, and I’d rather just put it in my pants than answer questions.

    True story.

  125. OMG, I know this is old, but I’m suddenly reminded of the story an acquaintance of mine told. He’d gone to Disney to do some work and as a side-trip stopped by an alligator farm to … well, pick up an alligator. The gator was dead, and frozen. The trip of getting to the gator farm was wonderful, and then he described trying to fit the whole alligator into the duffle bag he’d brought, but it wouldn’t fit. It was too big!

    So apparently, the punch line to his story’s question, “How do you get an alligator onto an airplane?” was “Cut it in half and put it in a duffle bag.”

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