All this is true. In my head. At the time.

Things I think when I’m sitting alone in my car in the driveway, crying while belting out Total Eclipse of the Heart at the top of my lungs:

I should totally be on American Idol.

The Glee version of this song is so much better than the original.

I should probably go back on my meds.

(Only one of these is actually a legitimate statement.)

112 replies. read them below or add one

  1. You’re right . You should totally be on American Idol. (LEGITIMATE STATEMENT)

  2. I as well think you should go on American Idol. (Oh, did I not pick the right one?)

  3. I choose #2. Am I right?

  4. 4
    The Queen of....

    I agree, the Glee version IS totally better than the original.

    You shouldn’t make fun of meds like that, though. Meds help out many people. Just because you are the picture of mental health and together-ness, doesn’t give you leave to mock those who need a hand up from psychology. Geez.

  5. 1.) I would totally vote for you REGARDLESS of what you sound like.
    2.) I assume you’ve seen this?

    Kelly recently posted A Craigslist Missed Connection ad to myself.

  6. It’s scary how alike we are. Really. That first sentence is me, only the songs are “The Story” and “Need You Now”… My husband may threaten divorce soon if I don’t change the soundtrack. (Apparently he — and the entire building — can hear the choruses when I’m in the shower.)

    I’m actually on new meds, of a sort, and the show I lean towards now is “The Voice”… Other than that, however… Hugs to you from a fellow panic-attack/depression sufferer. ^_^

    Kella recently posted On the plus side- at least the rodents aren’t armed….

  7. totally have that song stuck in my head now. which is much better than the theme tune to cat in the hat – so, thanks.

  8. “The Queen of “obviously has never read your blog.

  9. I have indeed had that moment only it usually takes place in the shower or the seclusion of my bedroom. See I have a new beetle, all windows, no privacy.

  10. Well obviously #1 is the legit statement, no?

    Natalie recently posted It’s NIAW And It’s Complicated….

  11. the glee version of a lot of songs is better. They didn’t have auto-tune in the 80’s. or the 90’s. Also I would 100% tune in to see you on American Idol. I would even vote for you, and I have never voted on American Idol before.

    tova recently posted National ADD robot awareness day.

  12. Bonnie Tyler was one spooky looking chick! Legitimacy is overrated- we go with all 3.

  13. yeah, but where the fuck is the spam? exactly.

    RNTgirl Kirsten recently posted puffer fish walks into a bookstore.

  14. Shit, now “turn around bright eyes” is stuck in my head … and it has been joined by “Holding out for a Hero” including the video the way I would have done it. In my version the guys were totally nekkid.

    I miss the 80’s. My hair was awesome.

    Betty Fokker recently posted Wendy Apple and Deanna Stepp are asshats.

  15. I’d vote for you all the way. We already know what your singing voice sounds like (or, at least, I do, because I creeped all over your Youtube account) and you could get pretty far.

    Sarah Elizabeth recently posted Why Applying For Jobs Is A Really Weird Experience.

  16. Things *I’m* thinking in that exact same situation:

    I should totally be on Canadian Idol.

    This song should have been in the twilight movies.

    My meds aren’t strong enough.

    Annadanna (from Canada) recently posted Shitionary - UPDATED.

  17. Total Eclipse of the Heart = video genius.
    Total Eclipse of the Heart – Literal Version = video mega genius

    (What comes above genius? Alien Brain Overlord?)

    Alexis recently posted Helping Your Baby Welcome Baby 2- Sibling Transition.

  18. Bonnie Bloggess

    mrtl recently posted Extremes of Patience.

  19. There is no version of Total Eclipse of the Heart, or of you, that I don’t adore.

    Marinka recently posted I Don’t Know What To Believe.

  20. We all should be on Idol.

    Fiona recently posted Easter Long Weekend- Newcastle.

  21. Could be worse. At least it wasn’t “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now”.

    Steve recently posted 264 Misquotes and Mischief.

  22. If you were on American Idol and managed to get to Hollywood you would totally win because you have an army large enough to beat out the fans of any *actual* contestants before you even show up. I guess what I’m saying is: don’t audition for American Idol unless you actually want to win and be a pop star, which will require a lot of being social and performing in front of people and there will be articles in the tabloids about your crippling Xanax addiction and how it’s ruining your career and also about how you spent four hours locked in a bathroom with a bottle of wine instead of performing your concert like you were supposed to.

    Rachael recently posted Easter Dildos Jesus would be so proud.

  23. Where was Glee when these songs were produced in the first place? I meant…harmonies. Hello. somuchbetter.

    Jessica recently posted uninspired- tabula rasa.

  24. I’m having the same fucking day except…I HATE THAT SONG! also, i can’t decide whether to be s spiteful, vindictive bitch or not right now…

    Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) recently posted In which i’m in a foul mood.

  25. I had a similar moment just 20 minutes ago. My poor children had to listen to my heartfelt rendition of Tom Petty’s “Wild Flowers”. I totally nailed it. I also agree about the Glee version.

    Nicole recently posted Reflections of a Grumpy Mother.

  26. I sit in my car and belt out I Need A Hero. But I don’t cry. I think naughty thoughts about David Beckham.

    Sarcasm in Action recently posted Apparently- Im in the Minority on this One.

  27. I would vote for you on American Idol, regardless of what you sound like. 🙂

    Johi recently posted More Incredible Fashion With Thing 1.

  28. Dear Jenny,

    If a crazed guy in a black mobcar SUV passes you on the road sweetly crooning away with a voice like a strangled harpy to The Beatles’ Eight Days A Week…

    …it totally wasn’t me.

    But if it was me (WHICH IT’S NOT), you’re totally welcome to assume I am on some awesome drugs I am on the cast of Glee.



    Tony Hunt recently posted A fresh look on Jury Duty.

  29. Wow. Thanks for bringing up a song (what, from the 80s?) that I TRULY, DEEPLY HATE.

    Overwrought male/female duets MAKE me nuts. Hate them all. Maybe I should listen to the glee version just to get that nasty scratchy old version out. =) Now that is a song that needed remaking.

    “Turn around bright eyes.”



    Great to picture, tho’ (you in car belting it out and weeping). =)

    biobabbler recently posted another gift! fairy moth!.

  30. Please audition for American Idol. Tell Ryan Seacrest about your collection of creepy Japanese dolls and novelty taxidermy and you’re GOLDEN.

    Do it for for the folks on Twitter. Puh-leeeeeeze?

    Chelsie recently posted A to Z and everything you didn’t want to know about me.

  31. The general opinion is that you should TOTALLY be on American Idol!

    When your on American Idol will you do me a favor and make out with Steven Tyler and report back? I have this feeling that it would be like kissing cow hide and I need conformation.

    p.s. When I sit in my car and cry I listen to Lisa Lobe’s “Stay” so…

  32. I would propose that anybody capable of hearing that song and NOT signing along at the top of their lungs is either on FAR too many meds or utterly dead inside.

  33. Although it’s a different song this is how I picture you singing Bonnie Tyler

    latenac recently posted Mud Season Planning.

  34. easily one of my fave 80’s songs . of course, i heard and fell in love with the 90’s remake first. was it by nicki french?

    totes had the single on cassette. remember those days? .99¢ for a two sided cassette single? the ‘premium’ ones were $1.29. like stupid mariah carey.

    dumb beaver.

    steph gas recently posted having a house husband.

  35. I think these comments just proved that the American Idol voting process is flawed. That said, I admit I’d vote for you too.

    Brenna recently posted Its White Trash Wednesday- yall!.

  36. 36
    Crazy Wienerdog Lady

    FIRST TIME COMMENTER!!!!! I’m having to ration my meds since I lost my job Tuesday……NOT a good time for me to be watching this Little House on the Prairie! *SOB SOB SOB*

  37. It’s far better than giving an extra loud rendition of “You Can Take This Job and Shove It” at the company townhall meeting 🙂

    EdT. recently posted I’ll never be able to participate in Lemonade Day again.

  38. I love how everyone turns it into a guessing game. Even though there isn’t a (known) prize… Still, I pick #1!

    Brandy recently posted Themed Thursday- Zombies Part 2.

  39. #2!

    Glee has made all us musical theatre kids seem less loserish and thus should be honoured regularly.

    Ousted P recently posted Three Things That Are Maybe Not Really Related.

  40. I think it is perfectly understandable why you’d cry while stuck in a car having to listen to Total Eclipse of the Heart, I would too. I too would also need medication after an incident like that. Or sleep.

    …oh wait, you were singing along. ‘Scuse while I attempt to cure my ‘footnmouth’ disease and learn how to read.

    (Truly hoping you get whatever help you need to make things bearable again!)

    (Not Quite) Clinically Dead recently posted Youd Think I Wrote a Final for Sex Ed.

  41. How can any of you HATE that song?!?! It’s 80’s GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!! And you also have my vote as soon as you announce your spot on American Idol…. 🙂

  42. I love Total Eclipse of the Heart. I can’t even. <3

    This is my first time commenting after months of reading and i had to do it.

  43. All the above comments stating that the commenter would absolutely vote for you on American Idol are simply serving to prove my point. Don’t do it if you don’t want the over-analyzed non-private life of a pop star, Jenny! YOU STILL HAVE TIME TO SAY NO!

    (Also, I would totally vote for you.)

    Rachael recently posted Easter Dildos Jesus would be so proud.

  44. I’m just glad I’m not the only one who sings this song in his car. Dunno if you’ve heard the ‘Dan Band’ version?
    I highly recommend it. (Not kid friendly)

    Tim recently posted Offending great nations- before most people even have breakfast!.

  45. the legitimate statement being the very first one?
    “things i think when i’m ….” 😉

  46. Um, you certainly do belong on AI, as a judge. I’m pretty sure AI hasn’t fully considered the demographical landslide booking you as a judge would mean. Seriously, why has this not been considered?

    Hey American Idol? THEBLOGGESSASJUDGE!!!!

    Do I smell a Twitter campaign in the making here?

  47. is it sad that i now prefer the glee version of MANY songs?? especially those from the 80s?

  48. I have an entire fucking playlist (titled “crylist”) for this exact purpose. In the midst of a cry session I’ve driven all the way to Wyoming (I live south of Denver) and it was all ok until I realized I was cried out and still had like 130 miles to get home…

    Blogmuse recently posted Dogs- cats- and relations Oh my!.

  49. Friends don’t let friends belt Bonnie Tyler alone. I sure wish I lived near your driveway.

  50. Holy shit! I do this all the time! Holler!!!

    MG recently posted Email Etiquette.

  51. Can you please go on survivor and pick your 1 item to be your laptop so you can send tweets of what you want and we will have it airdropped and send a butler and a construction crew and stuff and they will be like WTF jenny? and you will be, I didn’t freaking bring it? it fell on your damn island with my name on it, clearly god sent it so shut up.

  52. When I need to cry I just watch Johnny Rambo break down at the end of First Blood. Gets me every time.

    Fred Miller recently posted Listen to the Beaver.

  53. You need to listen to a different song! Maybe…I would walk five hundred miles. Sometimes we have to force ourselves to change the soundtrack. You need to get out one of your ‘stuffed’ friends, put on a wig, and engage in a battle of the wits with Victor.
    In all seriousness, I hope you are all sunshine soon…best to you.

    Jeane recently posted Reading Style.

  54. Ooh I totally had flashbacks of 1993, my 1981 Monte Carlo (with t-tops, cuz dat’s how I roll), and a red silk shirt that most likely had keg beer spilled all over it. Are you taking requests? I have a compulsion to listen to Air Supply now.

    Kelly recently posted Fuck you- Mother Nature.

  55. I haven’t belted that out in a while. Been bleting out “My Heart Will Go On” and genuinely hating myself for it.

    "Susan Says..." recently posted Life in the Ladies Room.

  56. Every now and then I fall apart..

  57. The Glee version does totally rock as do you!!!!

  58. I’m going to go with Glee. Mostly because a lot of their covers are better than the originals. Plus, the teacher is hot. I think he is my age, which actually makes me a little sad. Huh.

    I, too, should go back on my meds. Or on American Idol. Oooh or on America’s Got Talent, because those people totally don’t. What were we talking about again??

  59. Awesomeness! And this is my personal favorite rendition:

  60. We all know a little Judy Garland trail mix could be a legitimate choice here…just saying. Honestly, I could probably use some…

  61. Can you imagine how ratings would rise if you did Idol? Even I’d try and watch from another country.

    Veronica recently posted No thankyou- I don’t want chocolate for breakfast.

  62. Meds = over-rated (he says wild-eyed and laughing maniacally after getting just two hours of sleep for each of the past nights)

    The Queer Next Door recently posted Dallas &amp Chris.

  63. Though I loved total eclipse of the heart and Bonnie, I do not heart her voice nor the sad video that accompanied the song.

    I vote for Glee. Don’t hate me….

    Theresa recently posted All done Pig.

  64. I’m picking #1. Did I win the picture of Bonnie Tyler next to a coat rack? YESSSSSSHHHH!!!!!

    Renee recently posted I need clothes that actually fit well Please.

  65. I bet you could win American Idol. But I do love james…

  66. 66

    Glee’s version *was* awesome…Except for that Jesse kid… He was a douche.

  67. I cant tell if “the Queen of..” either is trying for sarcasm, in which case it is very much lost on me, or hasnt read your blog ever…

    You should definitely go for American Idol!!!!!! It would be amazing!!!!

    DarkPinkSide recently posted Go or no cancer and the drag.

  68. I’m just always so confused by that powder keg thing. I’ve never actually seen a powder keg and don’t understand how it gives off sparks. What kind of powder is it? Why is it in a keg? Can you snort it?

    Bejewell recently posted How I Accidentally Fired Myself.

  69. It’s funny that the last time we talked you were going off meds and now I am doing the same. Got off one without problem and am working on the second. A strange adventure into confusion. Maybe next time we talk we’ll be on American idol.

    Michael Kimber recently posted Veruca Salt Sells Viagra to Her Parents The Joys of Being 21.

  70. I think I should be on American Idol too.

  71. I am medicated and just want to say that I’m sorry other people are thinking you are bashing for talking about meds, but I found your post funny!

  72. I would totally vote for you on American Idol even if you were awful.

    But you would have to call me to tell me when to vote because I *seriously* don’t watch the show. I’ve never seen a single episode (a fact I am proud of).

    Brooke Farmer recently posted I am seriously a gigantic nerd.

  73. I’m not singing “Total Eclipse Of My Meds.” Thanks…

  74. ^^ That should be NOW singing…. I’m going to look for the meds.

  75. I’m putting my money on the parenthetical.

    Pablo recently posted “Soulers” Demand Proof of Obama’s Soul.

  76. Nowhere else would you sing the words “powder keg”, am I right?

    Dani recently posted Disconnected.

  77. Do you use your cell phone as a microphone?? I do. Also, I too should probably go back on my meds …. or drink more.

    Holly B recently posted My Snatch Does Not Appreciate This People!.

  78. if the truth doesn’t involve you being on American Idol, then I don’t want to know the truth

    flutter recently posted fatty fatty 2×4.

  79. Lately, I’ve been belting out S&M by Rihanna whenever I’m in the car. Without the tears though. I’ve been trying to do it when the kids are *not* in the car. Kind of think that doesn’t scream the right message.

    Amanda recently posted Saturday Night’s Adventure.

  80. Totally out of the question! If you were a real pop star you wouldn’t have time to entertain me with your blogging. I thought Glee’s cover of ‘Fireworks’ was a exponentially better than Katy Perry’s bcs I could actually understand the words.

  81. Totally think that all three statements are true and you are just messing with us, of course I don’t watch either American Idol or Glee….although if you were on either of them, i’d watch. I think they would finally be interesting.

    I totally sing along to any song I partly know the words to…I think it drives the boy nuts. But I really don’t care. I’ll belt out ‘Holding out for a hero’ with you…got it on my iPod and everything

  82. a) you’re already OUR American Idol, you don’t even need to sing; actually don’t sing.
    b) if you need to be on meds, stay on them (I’m on Fibromyalgia drugs and anxiety meds when I need them)
    c) totally love the Glee version and that my daughter sings the Barbra Streisand song so not knowing it is Barbra’s song.
    d) have a good weekend, friend.

    Laurie F. recently posted Being A Mom With A Chronic Illness ChronicBabe carnival.

  83. It’s amazing how many times “Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake comes on the radio around here. And how I will totally call a friend put the phone down and just start wailing it out in it’s entirety while she is presumably listening or at the very least I am leaving her a horribly long voicemail message.

    A Vapid Blonde recently posted Awkward Girl Goes To A Smoked Barbecue Dinner With Real Live People.

  84. In my youth I performed a lyrical ballet piece to Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse Of The Heart.” Why yes, this involved overly dramatic reaching and also leg warmers. Why do you ask?

    Angela@beggingtheanswer recently posted Lions Eat Zebras- Unless The Zebras Can Guess Their Names Or Something Like That Jerks.

  85. You’re off your meds, obviously.

    But DON’T go back on until after you record youself and post it here. Do we not deserve that much?
    If yes; do it.
    If no; do it anyway.

    If I Were God... recently posted Tease Me on Tuesday.

  86. Oh oh! I know which statement it is! The one where you go on American Idol. It’s the only way I’ll ever watch the show. Please don’t disappoint us 🙂

    Dr. Cynicism recently posted When the cats away- Dr C will play or wallow in indolence and idiocy.

  87. Since this post is in the category of random crap, I’m going to add a totally random comment here – but I just read a sentence that I thought you might love:

    “The corpse is watched continually day and night until the funeral to prevent cats and dogs from running beneath or jumping over, in which case it would come back to life as a zombie.”

    -from Private Prayers and Public Parades–Exploring the Religious Life of Taipei by Mark Caltonhill

    Yup, I know it’s random, but it’s 10:30 on a Friday night in Taiwan, and I’m reading about traditional burial practices – did you know you had an expat fan in Taiwan? I’ve got all my friends hooked on the Randall videos, btw.


  88. Man, I love that song! And my vote is for thought #2. That is the factual statement.

    Sarah recently posted Happy Easter!.

  89. The Glee versions are always better. But possibly only because of their flamboyant costumes…

    CatZila recently posted Liam Saw Jesus at Craker Barrel.

  90. I think The Weed is a genius. I would even watch network TV again just to see what you would do to J-L0. I recommend you ask her if she can spell “rinocerus”. This sends people into a tailspin when I do it in the middle of heated arguments. WINK WINK!

    momiss recently posted OK- so I watched the wedding.

  91. I think you should be on Idol too…especially if you aren’t on your meds.

  92. I confess that I am still trying to figure out the deep meaning of that song.

    Mary recently posted Heart Wine Stopper.

  93. Almost all of my coworkers at some point have given me that ‘what the fuck is wrong with you’ look for singing this at my desk at some point ever since Glee remade it. Maybe it was because I was in a ballet tutu like Rachel, but I tend to believe it is because they are racist douche canoes.

    John B recently posted where boredom goes to die.

  94. Have been lurking since Xmas, but thought I’d briefly uncloak to answer a question – like anyone really wants to know the answer.

    Among other things, a powder keg was used to hold the black powder on naval warships for their cannons. Sparks ignite the powder to fire the cannon. Living in a powder keg means living in an unstable and volatile place that is ready to explode. And giving off sparks – that’s normal right? Especially in that situation.

    I cut my teeth on Horatio Hornblower and am deep into the Temeraire series right now – Hornblower with dragons.

    Sarah Laurenson recently posted Friends Dont Let Friends.

  95. i want to truly thank you for being willing to sing in your car, for being willing to talk about it, because when i dance to “Bat Out of Hell” in my apartment, i might be able to feel just a little bit amazing now.

  96. Even on my meds I sing the shit out of that song in my car where nobody else can hear me. I turn the music up so loud I drown myself out because I sing that badly. Still, it feels good. Glee songs are just better for some reason.

  97. Having just come out of “withdrawl” mode from my Zoloft (aka the pills that contain my crazy for the public’s sake), I recommend getting back on your meds.

    The other stuff is totally legitimate.

  98. We all sound better in the car then we do in the shower. I think, to avoid a William Hung, I would see if Victors willing to back you before trying out.

  99. Turn around Bright Eyes. Every now and then I fall apart too…in the car…singing old 80’s songs…and crying.

    Meds and margaritas, that’s what you need, but mix wisely!

    SisterMerryHellish recently posted Yadda- Yadda- Yadda…What Happens When I Leave Them Unsupervised.

  100. All the best people sing in their cars. The Glee version IS better. And if you can sing in the car and it makes you happy…maybe you don’t need the meds anymore 🙂

    DameMeow recently posted British Royalty – Queen Mary – Never Before Seen Pics.

  101. Everything is better on Glee. In fact maybe Glee and AI should somehow merge into one glittery musical.

    There is something very glamorous about the concept of going med free. Most times when I try it I end up picking out my eyelashes one by one and feeling super healthy about it. Or crying in my car and making grandiose plans to run a marathon.

    That Uncomfortable Itch recently posted Jesus Juice.

  102. Hmmmm, it’s interesting how there’s a pretty equal split between people who LOVE that song and people who HATE it, no one in the middle though. In an unrelated note I just realized the the word love has an equal number of letters typed by each hand, as does hand. Great, now I’m going to be thinking about that all day.

    Jodi recently posted Um- GuysThe First Amendment Is Not Optional.

  103. 103

    What? No one has mentioned the version by Hurra Torpedo, Iceland’s most beloved appliance-playing band?! Check this out:
    I would rank it up there with “mullet with headlights”

  104. Why not try? Worth a shot. Just make sure to bring enough “poison” mugs and pics of Wil Weaton coallating to bribe the judges. Oh! And take James Garfield with you and tell them about his journey to saint-hood, how he only needs one more miracle and how they can help by getting you on the show and turning a blind eye as we all vote you to very top! Not that I’m saying you COULDNT do it on your own, because I wouldn’t actually say that… true or not. *ahem* But I’d vote! Hell, I’d even watch the show, and THAT is saying a lot considering I’m not fan. Although, I do admit I watch the try outs from time to time just to witness the insanity that comes in the form of individuals that THINK they can sing… uh. ya. But I’m sure YOU’RE fantastic! *whistles* But that doesn’t matter. I’d still vote! And I’d make stickers that say “I Voted for the Bloggess” and wear them all over my body and….


    We all feel overwhelmed (and sometimes fuckin’ fantastic) when off our meds. I just lose my mind and rattle on and on.

    Forgive me.

    But I’d vote! :0)

    Tracey recently posted Happy Earth Day!!.

  105. No way I could be on Idol- Steven Tyler freaks me the faulk out. 60 year old men ogling underage girls gives me the creeps in a major way. But if Simon came back, then I am in. Otherwise, maybe I’d go on the Voice.

    LA Juice recently posted Celebrities riding in Jaguars- Princess Diana Edition.

  106. you had me at Total Eclipse of the heart, OMG

    I need meds too!!!

    Luff ya

    knows not what I do.. recently posted Sedation Dentistry- what a Thriller….

  107. Never heard the glee version, but I’ve got the original on a bloody 45 rpm single, that’s VINYL, DUDES!!! And it’s the piano that makes it memorable, because both it and “I Need a Hero” were written by Jim Steinman, who only had one hit on his own (Rock and Roll Dreams Come Through) but slammed home a whole string of them for everyone from Barry Manilow (Read ‘Em and Weep) to Meatloaf (the entire Bat Out of Hell album). You can tell it’s a Steinman song from the piano, no matter who recorded it.

  108. i secretly tell myself what a great singer I am as well. Except I don’t believe a fucking word i say.

  109. “The Glee version of this song is so much better than the original.”

    This is heresy.

    Charley Kane recently posted Fur is wrong.

  110. this blog is so much fun!!!
    you should definatelly be on American Idol!

    mominrome recently posted Starting point.

  111. I dunno about glee having a better version of total eclipse. I’m rather attached to the bonnie tylor version. and of course the literal version. I was up in Canada last week and trying to watch television was surreal. Ironside. All in the Family. Some movie in black and white where the parents were driving around with an infant bouncing on mama’s knee totally unrestrained. and glee. oh, and the Cannucks playing hockey.. Glee just didn’t do it for me. Some boy was singing some show tune with this high girlish voice and I just didn’t understand why the jocks weren’t beating the living crap out of him. Maybe I missed something major. Maybe I always will…

    kettletop recently posted People spend their days plotting and scheming and planningIn the end it’s all the sameA hole.

  112. My friend, Chad, dropped me off at the airport once and because this was pre-9/11, he could park at the curb to unload my stuff, and so he opened all his doors and blasted “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” while we worked and Goodbyed. It continues to be one of the best moments of my life.

    Margaret Goerig recently posted It’s officially no longer Thursday anywhere else in the world.

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