I read lots of blogs. I laugh and/or cry at them. I write long, thought-out, vaguely-witty comments. I fill out my email address and blog url and name above the lengthy comment and hit “submit comment”. I wait several impatient seconds while your blog thinks. Your blog shows me my comment and asks me if I really want to submit this or if I’d like to change up some shit first. I start to second-guess myself but then I soldier on, hitting the “No, I totally want to submit this comment because why else would I have hit ‘submit comment’ and I’d appreciate it if you’d stop questioning me because it’s making me paranoid thankyouverymuch” button. Your blog thinks again for a few seconds. My comment pops up underneath all of your other comments along with my picture (hi, me) and I feel very grown-up and technologically savvy. Then I hit the “back” button to return to your homepage but one quarter of a millisecond before I let go of the back button your page flashes with a “Oh, and don’t forget to write these blurry words and/or do some math for us first to prove you’re not a robot or else your comment won’t actually be submitted. We apparently have a lot of problems with robots. I’m sure you understand” and I scream “NOOOOOOOOOOO!” and everything moves in slow motion as I try to find a way to stop time but it doesn’t work and the page flashes back to a now-totally-blank comment box. I try to go forward. Nothing. I try to go back. Nothing.
I bang my head against the keyboard and cry a little. I have no idea what I’d written in my now-erased comment and now I’ve also forgotten what the post was about and where I live.
I fill out my name, email and url again.
In the comment box I simply write “lol”, and vaguely hope that this wasn’t a post about how your grandparents just died.
I vow to never, ever do this again.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
This week’s Shit-I-did-when-I-wasn’t-here is a bit short since I’m a titch distracted with terrifying deadlines but it’s still totally worth it. Probably.
What you missed on Ill-Advised:
- Nothing. That’s how behind I am.
What you missed on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:
What you missed on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a complete douche-canoe):
What you missed in my shop (tentatively named “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- “Be nice or I will stab you” mousepad. See description.
What you missed on the internets:
- I think they kind of had to include me since I work there, but whatever. I’ll take it.
- I asked everyone on twitter to give me an insult that’s better than “cock-knocker”. This one topped them all.
This week on Shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
- Simple dog goes for a joyride
- Guide to making people feel old.
- They never have this song on Karaoke. But they should.
This week’s wrap-up is sponsored by my gorgeous friend, Scarlett Cherry, who just finished up her Labor of Love album, which would make a kick-ass mother’s day gift, and will probably make you cry (in a good way) if you just had a baby. It rocks. You can check out the video here or buy it on itunes. I recommend.