May 2011 – The Bloggess

I’m Jenny from the future. It looks bleak, y’all.

Whispered conversation I had with Victor as we were watching the movie previews before Pirates of the Caribbean, part eleventy-thousand: me: Wait. Cars 2? Aren’t we already on, like, Cars 4? And hasn’t Puss in Boots already been done too? These previews are confusing the shit out of me. Victor: I have no idea, butContinue reading “I’m Jenny from the future. It looks bleak, y’all.”

In Memoriam

Two year ago today I was catapulted off of the USS Nimitz in an experience that forever changed the way I look at our service men and women. I know I write ridiculous nonsense but today I salute the brave men and women who fought, and who fight, and who gave their lives in theContinue reading “In Memoriam”

I’m also getting a lot of spam insults from foreign robots. Which is sad, because this is probably going to put a lot of local trolls out of business.

Actual comment I just got: “Your site looks very interesting to me. I found it doing a search for butt hairy woman.” For the love of God, let that be spam. **** And now, this week’s Shit-I-did-when-I-wasn’t-here: (Illustration courtesy of the lovely @MissMortis) What you missed on Ill-Advised: Lesson 17: Maids. Not Murders. What you missed on GoodContinue reading “I’m also getting a lot of spam insults from foreign robots. Which is sad, because this is probably going to put a lot of local trolls out of business.”

Sometimes I suspect people are fucking with me on purpose

It’s hard not to be a little bit offended by the hundreds of pitches I get offering me diet pills and lipo coupons, but I just ignore them and add them to my list of people to kick in the groin if I ever meet them in real life. The pitches are often insulting, butContinue reading “Sometimes I suspect people are fucking with me on purpose”

I just paid to have someone beat me up

I just had my first ever Swedish massage and it was awesome, except for the parts when I thought I was going to be murdered. Halfway through the guy told me to “smell” I was all “What?” and I opened my eyes and his hands were over my face like he was just about toContinue reading “I just paid to have someone beat me up”

FINALLY, CDC.

If you strive for constant vigilance the way I (and most of the readers of this blog) do then you are already aware that the Center for Disease Control has finally released recommendations on how to prepare yourself for the zombie apocalypse. Most of their tips are fairly good but their list of suggested suppliesContinue reading “FINALLY, CDC.”