Huh. Well, that was…unexpected.

I just got a surprising friend-request on facebook.  From my stuffed monkey.

The internet’s a weird place, y’all.

UPDATED:  Please stop emailing me to ask me to approve your friend request to Copernicus.  I swear to God that’s not me or Victor and I honestly have no clue who it is.  Judging from the disturbing -yet vaguely cheery- updates, it might actually be the real Copernicus.  Stranger things have happened.

220 thoughts on “Huh. Well, that was…unexpected.

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  1. Maybe he really is a zombie monkey who is starting to plot against you in his sleep. Or maybe it was your husband who wants to convince you that the monkey is, in fact, evil so that you will get rid of him.

    Either way.. watch your back 😉

  2. Well, you knew he was going to get up to trouble, so this really ought not to have surprised you much.

  3. I went to search for the FB page to check him out and I can’t find him. Copernicus has somehow BLOCKED me! How could he?

  4. I just went to look at the past post about it and saw the card. Holy crap I haven’t laughed that hard. All that’s missing is you…and part of my face. LOVE IT.

  5. As if Copernicus wasn’t scary enough on his own, now he’s actually come to cyber life????

    The bigger question here is… why did he wait until he already had 111 friends to send you a request?

  6. So what you’re saying is that your monkey is going apeshit crazy on the internet and you have done nothing to stop him???? What’s next? Some freaking giant metal chicken having it’s own Facebook page? WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?

  7. That explains the message on my machine asking if I “knew AAAhhaaahahh your OOOOooh Address EEEEEEee.” Seemed suspicious. Really wish I hadn’t given it to him now.
    Whelp, live and learn!

  8. The fact that Copernicus is on Facebook doesn’t surprise me at all… it’s the 324 unanswered friend requests…

    Oh, wait, not that either.

  9. holy crap you have 324 friend requests. i shall henceforth stop pouting that you did not respond immediately to my friend request. being famous and fantastic must get tiring.

  10. That is the best/worst thing I’ve seen all day. Also, disappointed/relieved that I have not been similarly requested. Going to go laugh/cry now.

  11. Hey, I’m one of those friend requests!

    Also, if someone took my idea and put their own words in his mouth, I would not be happy.

  12. This totally explains why Beyonce keeps poking me. I’m all, “Dude, seriously, poking? Really? Totally passe.” But I give her a pass. Because she is an inanimate metal chicken.

  13. Yeah, it was obvious from the beginning of your relationship that that monkey would be up to no good. Just never realized he would be so adept at social media. Is he tweeting, too? Hey! Maybe HE can get Nathan Fillion’s pic with twine. I mean, he is a blood thirsty murderous monkey. I think that would be all the persuasion that NF would need, n’est pas?

  14. Copernicus tells me that he doesn’t like being referred to as an Object d’ Art on his Facebook Page. It’s obvious he isn’t an Object d’ Art, or else he wouldn’t have his own Facebook Page. He says this insult puts him in a murderous mood. I’d be careful of him if I was you!

  15. I like how Facebook says be sure that you know Copernicus Thehomicidalmonkey BEFORE you friend him. As though anyone can *actually* know the workings of a HOMICIDAL monkey.

  16. See, this is exactly the sort of thing that people on Google+ are missing out on because of their “must be an actual person and use your real name” policy. The Social Security Administration barely adheres to that line, yet Google feels strongly on the subject.

  17. Search for Thehomicidalmonkey… there are surprisingly few ppl with that last name.

  18. I do have a ton of outstanding friend requests, but that’s only because I keep hitting my limit and then Facebook freezes my friend-approving ability. Then I have to wait for people to drop me before I can go in and accept more. But if it makes you feel any better, I don’t use facebook for anything other than checking on Beyonce’s page and posting links to here. Seriously, you are not missing anything, as all of the people who have dropped me can attest to.

    Also, I did friend Copernicus because I was afraid not to. And I have absolutely no idea who’s behind it, so friend at your own risk.

  19. Now, do you catagorize that as flatery? Or stepping on toes? :0
    Beyonce’ does have her own FB page. Don’t know that it was created by Jenny either. Flatery it is. :0)

    Personally, I think the monkey hands got mad you dispelled their mysteriousness and plan to take it out on the stuffed hugger. Either way, be carefull. They throw poo when they’re mad. Not.. that.. the hands have a butt.

    Lock your bathroom door. Just to be safe.

  20. Oh. See, that’s the kind of friend I actually want to have on FB. So sweet that you brought Copernicus into your life and let him have a FB account.

  21. See now… this is clearly all a misunderstanding. Someone *meant* to wish for a ‘sock monkey’ for her 3rd wish but it came out sounding like “stalk monkey” – ergo, you are now being stalked by your own monkey. If I remember the story right, you have 2 wishes left for the monkey’s paw to work it’s mayhem. Right?

  22. OK, so today was rough after a bout with the neverending stomach virus, but not only was I pleasantly surprised that my work’s modesty filter let me view this page, I was pleasantly surprised to find Copernicus with his own FB page. You should totally get him on that Fillion/Twine thing– if anyone can get results, it’s a homicidal monkey!

  23. I’m guessing you have rights to that photo… you could always just report them and have it taken down… then make a true Copernicus page. Just sayin.

  24. To whoever did this, BRAVO! Brilliant! I still find the monkey disturbing nightmare material, but this made me laugh out loud.

  25. That only goes to prove that what goes around comes around. Unless your monkey gets around (which it appears he does).

  26. Is friending him kind of like that old adage…keep your friends close, and your homocidal monkeys even closer?

    And can he be hired out, you know for a *job*?

  27. Oh – that’s just freakin’ *awesome*! I haven’t been friended by any of my animals – stuffed or otherwise.

  28. So does accepting the request make you next on his list of souls to steal?

    This may be a moot point if, like me, you’ve already sold your soul. Copernicus may just have to talk to someone….else about whether or not my soul is available.

    Great, one more thing to worry about.

    Shit.

    *makes note to ignore all friend requests from monkeys, just in case*

  29. Our friend Harry Howard has friend requested Copernicus. I think you would enjoy his page as well. He also goes by hairy harry and attends lots of events……lol. Currently sporting a moustache.

  30. Wait…what? Homicidal monkey with acne has more friends than I do?? I’m totally changing my profile picture to one where I’m holding a bloody cleaver and my hair’s been ‘styled’ with a blender.

  31. I have to say…I’m confused. He looks like a pet in the Zombie Army of the Zombie Apocalypse… and yet you <3 him.

    I <3 him too…only because I love house stuff that looks like it will come to life and kill you.

  32. I had to friend request Copernicus. On a side note I had to explain a reference to “knock, knock mutherfucker” that I made in an email to a couple of friends, which got me reading thru the last couple month’s worth of postings and I have come to the conclusion that you are seriously one of the funniest human beings alive!

  33. Huh, never knew facebook put a limit on friends. Bloggess Jenny has 5001 friends, apparently, you’re not allowed to make anymore friends..lol.

  34. Ummmm, I’m concerned about the fact that no one is taking responsibility for *being* Copernicus on FB….. Did you ask Laura??!! I’m a little creeped out & I’m not sure why. It’s not like he has access to MY child…. 😉

    Kim

  35. I recently found your blog and thing you are the funniest fucking chick ever. Like…seriously. The very first post I saw was “Knock Knock MotherFucker” about your fantastic Beyonce and from then on you had me like jugged wine. Which is to say they should seriously make straws long enough so I can just drink my wine straight out of the jug rather than wasting a glass and that way I can sit here longer and catch up on all of your posts.
    You rock. Oh and I don’t think Copernicus lost some of his face accidentally. I’m fairly sure he got into a fight with a Ninja. and won. Or James Garfield which would explain his loss of hair as well.

  36. There would only be an issue with creative rights if this person is anyone other than the real Copernicus. So far he’s violent but funny, so I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt. Friend him at your own risk.

  37. When I first read this I laughed hysterically. Someone made a Fb page for that horrible creature! What could be funnier!

    Then I actually read Copernicus’ stati and now I just want to vomit. The internet’s not just a weird place, it’s also a place where creepers can hide their…predilictions behind a stuffed monkey. Seriously have you read that stuff? What sick person thinks that is humor? When Copernicus was just a creepy strangling monkey- that was humor. Now that I know he stabs people to death in his house and has a hard time cleaning their organs out of the garbage disposal…I….erm…

    Maybe I shouldn’t say anymore…he might find me.

  38. Facebook let’s anyone on there these days….monkeys, cats, I bet giant metal chickens will be next!

    I mean who the hell want’s to join a page dedicated completely and totally to Oliver Garden Breadsticks? That’s just bullshit! Come ON people! Bread is a carb, you can’t eat carbs these days….

  39. You have hit a whole different level of fame when people start posing (posting?) on facebook as your decrepit taxidermy monkey. I’m totally in awe. I couldn’t even get the local creepy women’s underwear stealer that was running rampant through these parts to attempt to snatch my lady garments. I even hang them on the clothes line….. Maybe I should remove my NRA sticker from my truck, which is parked in front of my house… Hmm?

  40. I strongly suspect this post was more to show off how many friend requests you have pending. ;p

    Now to go find Copernicus’ page and friend him…

  41. That is waaaaaaay to freakin awesome!

    I went and found his page even before I was through all the comments! I wish I had a monkey as cool as yours!

  42. Yes! YES! My voodoo ritual worked!

    Granted, my left flipper has now shrunk considerably, but everything has a price, I guess… wait, that’s just an optical illusion due to my right flipper having more muscle tone thanks to internet porn? Meh, you take the good from the bad.

  43. Copernicus reminds me of a creepy short story I had to read in high school titled “The Monkey’s Paw”. With that box of monkey hands your friend gave you, I sure hope you haven’t been making any wishes and interfering with fate!

  44. I was going to say something witty about how I thought stuffed monkey was a euphemism for something, but then I got distracted by the 3 messages, 96 notifications, and 324 friend requests at the top of the page in your picture. Those little red flags are the bane of my existence. If I had to face those ridiculous numbers on Facebook every day, I’d be forced to take drastic measures…possibly involving the enlistment of a homicidal monkey.

  45. That’s disturbing. Really disturbing. As for your Facebook friend limits, perhaps you should create a public page like you did for Beyonce? Just a thought.

    (There is one. It’s under “thebloggess”, I think? I didn’t realize there was a limit on personal pages when I started, and then when I hit the limit I didn’t want to just delete my personal page so now I have both. ~ Jenny)

  46. Well if I can be friends with a friends cat, why can’t I be a stuffed monkeys friend.

  47. That demonic monkey (or whoever is speaking for him) is funny, but not very good at math. A three day weekend has 50% more stabbing time than a regular two day weekend, not 33%.

    I wouldn’t recommend letting him do your taxes.

  48. Please will you set up a proper page for Copernicus? He has too many friends according to Facebook, so I couldn’t even send a friend request!

  49. Well, at least if it’s not you posting as Copernicus, Beyonce won’t be feeling like the overlooked stepchild of the family.

  50. Oh God, don’t ever Google Image yourself. I made the mistake of doing this the other day, and apparently I’m less 30-year-old WASP and more Ecuadorian “Negro Mama.” Holy shit, identity crisis. Decidedly NOT a good kind of weird.

  51. Very cool. My Troll has been wanting a FB Page of his own…I told him no…now he has an arguing point, lol.

  52. I’m sorry but what stranger things have happened? What exactly has happened that’s stranger than a stuffed monkey named Copernicus setting up his own facebook page and happily sending out friend requests?

    (You’re new here, aren’t you? ~ Jenny)

  53. You can absolutely never trust the monkeys. But you can’t really blame him either, since he is denied the love of Victor. He’s just trying to fill the void. Poor nasty, creepy monkey.

  54. The only reason it WOULDN’T be Copernicus is because it would be hard to type with his murderous, raging hands. Theoretically he could be typing with his tail. Yes, it is definitely him.

  55. I’m surprised at how good that homicidal monkey is at percentages. I think buying Copernicus is the best $7 you ever spent.

  56. What I think is really happening here is that you started the page and this is a brilliant form of performance art. Now that I’ve lied to myself I can sleep at night.

    OR Victor started it for your next Anniversary present! 15 is giant metal chicken and 16 is homicidal monkey facebook page!

  57. He is totally going to mate with Beyonce. They’re gonna do it like the forced frog blow job, only this time with a chicken. Cuz Copernicus is down with that. And how the fuck does your satanic stuffed monkey that nobody wanted and discarded in the thrift store have more FB friends than I do?

  58. I think Willam Shatner is behind Copernicus Thehomocidalmonkey’s facebook page. He’s setting up a twitter acct. for him next.

  59. Did you check with Hailey? She’s your daughter after all. She could just be trying to help you out. Remember kids are way more saavy than most of us give them credit for these days. I’m sure she’s wise beyond her years.

  60. Okay, I’m sorry, but this has to be you, because otherwise you wouldn’t be able to get a screen capture that showed friend requests. Someone has probably already said this in all of these comments, but I didn’t have time to read them. That doesn’t mean I don’t love it. 😉

  61. Gah… Premature entry (that’s what she said). Perturbed, if someone is pulling the monkey out from under you. Impressed if it’s the actual monkey

  62. Well, that got me to thinking. I went and grabbed “the wifely person” as a FB page. I don’t want anyone else masquerading as me. I mean, my life is so stupendously spectacular, right? Everybody wants to be me! (where have I heard that before?) No, no they don’t. Unless they really want to. And then they can come here and pitch in with the chores.

    Any takers? Oh, well. Back to the dishes.

  63. Well darn, he’s too popular to jump on the creepy bandwagon, “too many friend requests”…

    busy monkey!

  64. Facebook says, “Sorry, this user already has too many friend requests.” Suddenly I’m feeling unloved… is Copernicus on Twitter?

  65. That is a little creepy. Cool, but odd. I love it!! Yes I would be afraid to NOT friend him. Who ever set that up should do an interview with you or something, that would be great. I didnt think there could be two people as twistedly great as you. . . I am loving it.

  66. Beyonce, Copernicus. and James Garfield all have Facebook pages, and more friends than me. And none of them want to be my friend. It’s pretty sad that I can’t even make imaginary friends.

  67. Three day weekend? This is a British Copernicus. Perhaps a cousin? Unless you guys had a Monday off work as well this week…

    I shall immediately set to the streets with a butterfly net and a magnifying glass and see if I can catch him.

  68. I’m not convinced…..any blackouts recently? Are you mixing Ambien and wine? Have you spent time with any hypnotherapists recently? I blame zombies. They know more than they’re saying……

  69. I think he was “animated” just to establish reasonable doubt at the future murder trial. Not sure who the victim will be, but if I was in your household, I’d be watching my back.

  70. @Jonah Gibson, my (admittedly rudimentary) understanding of dermatology leads me to believe that you must actually have skin in order to have acne. I think you’re going to have to re-think you diagnosis =)

  71. This is rather odd, if you had nothing to do with it. Almost like a party that you sense is going to start turning really weird in an hour. That’s when I usually leave.

  72. And now Copernicus has about 2000 friends. That’s a gain of about 1900 since you posted this. WOW. That’s insane. Of course, I’ve got a pending request in there as well.

  73. First of all, damn you got a lot of friend requests. Geez!!! This is someone I need to be friends with. If I hurt someone, I can always say the monkey made me do it.

    Peace, Love and Chocolates,
    Tiffany

  74. And now Copernicus has almost 2,000 friends? It would be very funny if it weren’t so creepy. I’d lock down your computer when you go to sleep….

  75. My guess is it’s the first person who commented on his page…someone named Lindsay Hawn Barker…either way a creepily obsessed fan…haha.

  76. You know, the more I look at this, the more I think you are just showing off there’s 300 of us you decided you didn’t want to be facebook friends with Jenny…. I think I’m on to youuuuuu

  77. I got onto his friends list! He is even more creepy now.. My boyfriend saw my new addition and was like “….the eff?” I kinda like him. He should be like flat stanley and visit the world. I’d take him in fo sho!

  78. I thought Copernicus would be older. I mean, based on his published birthdate we could have gone to school together. You know, had I gone to school in a jungle filled with other monkeys. Thank God I’m aging better than this guy.

  79. Nice. Your monkey has more FB friends than I do. If you need me, I’ll be over in the corner, weeping. (not really. I kind of hate FB anyway)

  80. First of all, I bet she’s sick of hearing about our infatuation with her monkey, and secondly, yes, he’s gone. And so is my reason for living. I sure fell fast and hard for the psychotic little primate! At least we still have our Jenny – the goddess, I mean bloggess, who inspires such wonderfulness!

  81. Yes, it’s really me — feel free to email me at copernicusthm@gmail.com.

    Sadly, the stick-in-the-muds at FB disabled my account today. They have a very strict policy of only allowing “real” people with “real” accounts. This totally sucks, if for no other reason than I wish I could get all those status updates.

    If I started a twitter account, would anyone be interested? It would take some re-training to channel Copernicus in 140 characters, but it should be fun, and they’re not so dickish about things as FB apparently is.

    If anyone has any ideas on how I could export all those status updates, email me . If you’d like to to follow me on Twitter, I’m going to be @Copernicus_THM. Hope to see you there, and spread the word, since I can’t log in to FB anymore.

    Jenny was right, as always — Facebook are assholes.

  82. Monkeys are not to be trusted. Ever. Next thing you know, he’s going to steal your identity. He’s going to take a vacation in Fiji and charge it all to your Mastercard. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

  83. I had a facebook friend post that her life was complete because Copernicus accepted her friend request. She’s not someone I speak to often, but that post alone was enough to give me a whole new respect for her.

    Copernicus *brings people together*

  84. Gah! I just went looking for Perny (my cutesy nickname, perfect for a homicidal monkey) only to find he’s gone. Foiled by the FB police…. fuckers.

    Yes, yes, I will gladly follow your homicidal tweets, Copernicus!

  85. I just got my Copernicus cards in the mail from zazzle, I LOVE them. However now my husband is all like who the eff did I marry and are you going to stab me in my sleep. What a baby.

  86. First, I’d like to apologize to Jenny for hijacking her post/comments, but I’m only posting this here to help Copernicus avoid many multiple e-mails and get stabbier. Why doesn’t he change his Facebook to a page rather than a person, like the one Beyonce has? I don’t think Facebook’s too concerned about that. Hell, if metal chickens get to have a page, homicidal monkeys should, too. I mean, it’s people! Copernicus is made out of PEOPLE!

  87. I’m happy to see that Copernicus finally surfaced; but bummed that FB closed his account. I think he should file suit. They didn’t harass the Bronx zoo cobra like that. Her page is still up I think.

  88. Why is it that every time I read one of your posts, (especially the original monkey one and Beyonce) I laugh so hard I have tears running down my face?

    And there I go again….. I’m desperately trying not to wake up my kid…

  89. The poor monkey is just misunderstood and trying to get his name out there as a real good fella. Poor baby he is so sweet and just wants a hug………

  90. I don’t want to be friends with Copernicus. I don’t want to give him any inroads into my life at all. BTW, do you pronounce it BLOGGess or BloggESS? I need to know.

    (I can’t entirely blame you. Also – ACTress, MISTress, BLOGGess. ~ Jenny)

  91. I agree with Sarah, while I am sure most of Jenny’s rabid (or T-virus zombie infected) fans are grrrrr8 people, why would anyone open up their personal information to whoever created that profile

  92. Swarley — understandable (though I swear I’m totally harmless). But now with the “Page” instead of an actual account, you can like Copernicus without giving me any access to your profile. Win-win!

  93. I’m not sure we should friend him…maybe it’s his way of making a hit list. Or, it could be considered the actual mark of the Beast. Copernicus as the anti-christ? I think so! Watch out!

  94. What’s creepier? (Creepiest???)
    1. That I checked out your monkey’s page (um…that sounds wrong)
    2. That there were 666 people who liked the page (not kidding)
    3. That I “liked” it just to make sure it didn’t stay 666?

  95. I think the fact that there are over 300 friend requests I’m your inbix is amazing!

    Erin
    Norman, ok

  96. I may be missing the point you, but wouldn’t a 3-day weekend mean 50% more stabbing time? Maybe Copernicus is so murderous because of how much he got made fun of in math class.

  97. Also, my cat’s name is Copernicus, and *he* has a FB page, and he thinks it would be hilarious to be friends with the stabby Copernicus because they could get up to all sorts of hijinks, and then someone would yell “Copernicus” and no one would no which one, and it would be some of a homicidal/criminal mastermind version of the Patty Duke show.

  98. Wow…you better sleep with one eye open. I hope you accepted the friend request. Better to be his friend, than to piss him off. And maybe change the password on your computer. How did he know it anyway?

  99. Great, that monkey has more Facebook friends than I do… Well. I have been humbled. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to request this monkey to be my friend on Facebook…

  100. Holy hell, Copernicus has a twin. I just saw him in a scene from Nanny McFee where the dad is in the kids bedroom. I almost spit my coffee out.

  101. I sent it a friend request, just in case it has demonic powers. I mean, based on his published birthdate we could have gone to school together. And none of them want to be my friend.

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