Feeling a bit like death warmed over

Hi.

I’m not quite myself this week.

I’m right in the middle of one of those weird depression weeks that alternates between a series of anxiety attacks and self-loathing mixed with not being able to do anything productive so I’m taking the day off to take your advice and watch episodes of Sherlock and Downton Abbey.  I’m dragging myself to the doctor today but I’m sort of an empty well so nothing funny today.  I do, however, have a picture for you that my friend Maile took of me a few weeks ago that seems somehow fitting.  Victor thinks it looks like I’m slacking off again.  I think I more like a disturbed crime scene.  I think that says a lot about Victor and I.

PS.  I’ll be back to myself any day now.  Promise.  No worries.  And remember, if you’re feeling this too, depression lies.  Keep fighting the good fight.  You’re worth it.

See you on the other side.

460 thoughts on “Feeling a bit like death warmed over

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Love the makeup.

    If you don’t absolutely love Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman by the time Sherlock is over, I will be sad.

  2. But death warmed over is so in vogue right now! I’m sorry, maybe not. Maybe it’s death slightly chilled? Death at room temperature? Whatever, you make it look good.

  3. I woke up in a very meh place, too, and I’ve been zinging off the walls the past week with anxiety. I’m going to do something nice for me today, too. Feel better.

  4. You are so incredibly beautiful inside and out. Can’t wait to see you again on the other side. 🙂 Hang in there, Jenny.

  5. 1. Feel better soon, Jenny. Don’t forget to take your own advice-your depression is just as much of a liar as mine is!
    2. I LOVE THOSE STOCKINGS OH MY GOD

  6. awww honey, xoxoxoxoxox….. i’m trying essential oils now, did you know they ‘speak’ right to the primitive part of your brain?

  7. I hear you, Jenny. Depression lies. I struggle with it, too. And I just started blogging about it – partially inspired by you. So thanks. And feel better soon.

  8. Hang in there. Recognizing you’re in a bad place and knowing that you’ll move out of it soon are good signs!

  9. Death warmed over, but glamorous! Best wishes that you’re back to feeling good soon. I’m so grateful that your writing has helped me muddle through some of those times. I wish there was something I could do to give back to you. Fondly.

  10. to me, seems like you’re making an artistic statement ala Cindy Sherman. her work was ambiguous too. so either way you make a beautiful (corpse)/(slacker). it’s good to smile at death when you feel depressed. give a little homecoming queen wave and smile.

  11. Those are such beautiful pictures.

    I really hope you feel better soon. Your strength is really inspiring.
    When I feel down, my boyfriend and I like to turn on It’s Always Sunny In Philidelphia. Honestly though, we turn on It’s Always Sunny in any situation.

  12. I woke up this morning feeling like I should really stay under the covers and hide all day. My anxiety is just pounding away at me … that feeling like I can’t succeed because it’s all too much so I’m failing everyone and going down in flames of non-glory etc etc etc. It’s so awful. Anyway, sending you a hug and glad you are doing a bit of self-care.

  13. It will be okay. I am glad you are calling depression out on its lies. I am proud of you for recognizing it! Sending you love and hugs! Get with Juanita and “raise the roof” in the bathroom! God bless you, Jenny….maybe you should do what several of my friends and I do when depression starts to overwhelm us….We read your blogs 😉 Nothing like a downed chicken to brighten your spirits. HUGS to you!

  14. All you need is some sheet metal in those photos somewhere and you have a perfect steampunk setup. I hope you get to feeling better. Sherlock sounds perfect. I also recommend reading “The Tea Rose.” But that’s only because I’m reading it and can barely put it down, even to read your blog.

  15. Hi Jenny. This last couple of weeks have been very hard on me. Therapy has been throwing up a lot of stuff that’s left me quite depressed and anxious so thanks for reminding me that depression lies. I needed that today. I hope you feel better soon.

  16. Seems fitting that I read this in my therapists waiting room. Seems to be going around. Wishing you good thoughts!

  17. Feel better!

    Also, careful with watching Downton Abbey. It’s *amazing* but seriously it prevented me from even attempting to be productive until I had seen it all. It’ a truly amazing show. Enjoy it!

  18. There must be something in the air. I so know what you mean. But you will have so much awesomeness in store for you with Sherlock and Downton Abbey. Sherlock and the Dowager Countess have smugness in spades, but they are awesome.

    Cheer up, buttercup. There are better days ahead for both of us. Depression is a bitch, and we all have our down days, but here’s to getting back into the swing of making depression YOUR bitch.

    Serenity to you, my dear.

  19. It DEFINITELY looks like a crime scene, especially with those black boots there. I’ll keep it short. You’re awesome. I love you. Feel better. We’re standing behind you (in a supportive way, not in a “look out! They’re behind you!” way).

  20. Love the photos. How did you manage to get your feet way over there? That may be why you’re not feeling so hot today.

  21. I’ll tell you what I do. I watch George Lopez. Non stop on YOutube. Watching him laugh at his insanely dysfunctional childhood reminds me that laughter has saved me before, and if you can laugh at it, you can pull through.

    These 3 are my favorite George Lopez: I hope they leave you short of breath and cackling and clapping in a very good way. I love you, Jenny.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aVWvYgxX6E&feature=related

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVjLuL3vijY&feature=endscreen

  22. I made the mistake of getting out of my routine for a few days and FORGETTING to take my antidepressants. Hoo boy! Thankfully I realized it fairly quickly.

    ::hugs::

  23. Here is my happy to give you today. This weekend my design for a custom traveling red dress came to me. It will be amazing and wonderful, but I will want to send you a private email to correspond about it.

    Hang in there girl! I am fighting some depression this week too!

  24. I don’t know that those pictures look like you’re slacking off OR a crime scene…I think they’re just awesome. My compliments to Maile, as well. 🙂

  25. Sorry to hear you’re in a funk. Been there, done that, and HATE IT. Glad you’re seeing your doc and glad that you have this big community to hold you up!!

  26. I feel that way sometimes too. Just looking at that red dress brightens my days though. Love the stockings. Sexxaaay.

  27. Jenny!

    1) You look stunning & the dress is magical

    2) Hormones are chemicals and chemical are assholes. This is why I rarely take advice from my bleach and try and not let my freakisly low levels of seratonin tell me that I’m going to cause some sort of natural disaster that exclusively wipes out orphans. The bleach is easier to ignore though because it isn’t in my head. And it isn’t threatening orphans.

    But you always get through and we love you regardless of what conversation your chemicals are having with you.

  28. You are such a beautiful lady! I adore the second picture. Feel better soon.

  29. I know what you mean with the depression. I’ve just gotten through one of my “spells.” I also have chronic fatigue syndrome so that kind of adds to it. I go through it though and I know you will too. Depression is a bitch and I kicked her ass! You can do it too.

  30. March sucks the big one. I don’t ever suffer much from depression, but I really struggled through the month. And Sherlock is our newest obsession.

  31. Ugh. My entire last week was one major depression lie….. Mother fuck it’s hard to get out sometimes.

    xo. ps I love the top pic.

    djw

  32. It might help to listen to a bit of Dr. Pants…. because, really…. songs about Donuts and John Cusack.

    Here’s the thing, though… you don’t NEED to be funny for me to adore you. I know I am not alone in loving Jenny, the Bloggess, both bright and dark. I would rather you at least come and post glam-death pics on your dark days than have you paste a fake smile on your face and pretend that everything is sunshine and lollipops when you’re just not feelin’ it.

    We’ll be waiting with open arms on the other side.

  33. You are doing the right thing by taking care of you today! It’s okay to check out very so often and veg. I do the same thing when my anxiety gets too high. Sometimes my anxiety makes no sense…it is just there and there is nothing I can do to get rid of it other than to watch a good movie or show. Usually I pick something that will make me cry that way it forces me to release the bottled up feelings that are causing my anxiety. We won’t just be waiting for you on the other side, we are with you in the trenches! Hugs.

  34. Love the photos; you look so beautiful! Even in the death scene, which totally LOOKS like a death scene (Victor’s clearly on crack). Sorry you’ve been captured by the funk again. Hang in there! We’re waiting for you on the other side!

  35. I Only wish I could write something that would make you smile. It’s like I owe you about a trillion smiles, and a lot of inappropriately laughing while at work. Would a doodled robot help?

  36. So, understand the feeling. Undercovers now with no desire to interact with anyone. Know it will pass just take one day at a time. Wish other’s knew like all here.

  37. Take that time. I was all down and anxious this past week. Sucks. But I’m on the upswing today – sunny day plus good music plus child in good mood = happier mom. Keep fighting the good fight and all that jazz 😉

  38. Though I appreciate that folks are telling you to feel better soon, I hope that we all recognize that this is not the same as a cold. It is hopeful and enlightening that you are at least aware at some level that this is a temporary state and you will come out OK on the other side. Just know that you have millions on your side–rooting for you. Fight it! You can do it! We love you and your writing, and you make all of our lives better just by being you.

  39. ya know what? I love you whether you’re depressed, happy or whatever. You really inspire me. As someone who also has anxiety attacks and depression, all I can say is hang in there. at some point, some time it will be better.

    Take some time for yourself and dont feel under any pressure. just chill and know that you mean a lot to sooooo many people!

    we love you jenny! xxxx

  40. “if you’re feeling this too, depression lies. Keep fighting the good fight. You’re worth it.”

    Oh Jenny, I truly needed to read this, particularly this morning. I am (hit me powerful hard last night), but I know I’ll get better. Here’s hoping you bounce back quickly.

    Ah, sometimes you come across exactly what you needed to see, at exactly the right time. I love synchronicity. Thank you.

  41. I can feel depression coming on like a storm cloud rolling in. You hear the storm warnings on the radio and know you better get back to the house before it hits. Once you’re safe inside, you can ride out the storm. I handle it just like you. And I can’t think of a better way to ride out the storm than Downtown Abbey! Hang in there blogess 🙂

  42. What beautiful pictures! The second one is perfect. Take good care of yourself and feel better. We’ll be waiting here for you whenever you’re ready. You were the inspiration for me to start my own blog to deal with my own depression and anxiety. I will always be grateful. xoxo

  43. Those pictures are positively stunning. Good luck with your journey, we will indeed see you on the other side. <3

  44. Thank you for the reminder that depression lies. I spent an hour crying in my closet last night because of those lies, and almost forgot that they were complete crap. (I know, the closet thing is weird. But small spaces feel safer when I’m having a bad night.)

    Anyway, this post was exactly what I needed today. Thank you.

  45. You don’t have to be riotously entertaining everyday. we will love you anyway you come at us. emotional honesty goes a long way in my book…even further than funny stuffed weasels and nathan fillion. be kind to yourself.

  46. I know the feeling, but it’ll always pass no matter how crippling it seems at the time. Take it easy, enjoy Sherlock, and I hope you’re feeling happy again soon. Beautiful pics, by the way. 🙂

  47. Your frank honesty about your depression and anxiety has been so eye opening for me. I hope you can feel better soon.

  48. I think you look happily and thoroughly ravished in the first picture. The boots look like the only thing you bothered to take off first. In the second picture, you’re off to your next adventure, you mysterious, gorgeous, mythical creature, you.

    Personally, I’m off to buy a “depression is a lying bastard” shirt, because having come out the other side recently, I am very, very aware of how different and wonderful the world is when the bastard finally gives up and leaves you alone for a while.

  49. Depression does lie, but the internet doesn’t. Well, the internet does lie, sometimes, but not us! We don’t lie. Actually, I don’t these people, so I don’t know if they lie or not.
    Now’s the time I wish someone would show me something shiny so I can escape this circular logic.

  50. “And remember, if you’re feeling this too, depression lies. ”
    So very, very true, and something my family reminds me of from time to time. Hang in there.

  51. “Depression lies” has become a new mantra for me. *hugs* I’m sorry things are down for you right now. Good luck!

  52. Sending spoons and feel betters and sunshine and rain and twine and order yourself some lollipops from mihow on etsy… They always cheer Eustice and I up.

  53. I’m sorry that depression bastard is harrassing you again. It’s a shitlick, no doubt about it. When he’s done with you, he’ll likely come after me like a fat kid on a Smartie (but that’s not a slight against fat kids or Smarties, I am the biggest defender of both!) But that may be a Canadian reference, so I’ll leave off now.

    You’ll be back to your zombie-ass-kicking-taxidermy-obsessed beautiful self in no time at all. I just know it.

    Now, I’m off to try to figure out how to prepare this fucking cauliflower so my kids will eat it for dinner tonight without all the usual retching and barfing sounds. Ya, I have problems, I know it. Sweet Jesus.

  54. Depression sucks harder than… something that sucks really hard. (Sorry, my analogies are really awful before my second cup of coffee.) Be well.

  55. Sorry to hear you’re going through a bad time. Enjoy Sherlock; if you have season two maybe best not to watch the last episode in your current condition.

  56. Damn hot pics! Reminds me of the Who Killed Amanda Palmer book. Keep yer chin up and come back to us soon! Love you!

  57. Luck of the best sort! Good mojo! Etc.! Those are good shows, my remedy is kuhrazy japanese dramas, but not everyone’s up for subtitles when in a depressive slump. Also, Emily Dickinson.

  58. That is absolutely a crime scene. And where does Victor get off saying you’re slacking? You just published a BOOK. That seems like a time for celebration, not work. Please.

    Depression is a lying son of a bitch. I cycle into it about every other minute. Just enjoy television and tell Victor he should know the drill by now. :o)

    Chelle

  59. Jenny- hang in there. I bet your brain is totally freaking out about the book/book tour etc….your life is undergoing an enormous change. It’s not everyday that a girl gets her book published.

    Hugs
    Beth

  60. Sherlock is amazing, I hope you thoroughly enjoy it! I cannot comment on Downton Abbey personally, but if Penny Arcade liked it (and they did) then I might be able to endorse that as well.

  61. I am not depressed, but I am going though a lot of bad stuff at the moment. So even though my bad feelings are actually telling the truth, I keep saying to myself ‘depression is a lying bastard’ (thanks Jenny) because no matter what, going out and doing the things I love, and being social, is way better than hiding in bed in the dark feeling bad. So I wish you the strength to do that too. For me sports are the key to happiness, especially sports in nature; running and mountain biking, its just hard to feel bad whizzing down a forest trial on my bike.

  62. I know exactly how you feel. Actually, it’s a comfort to read this right now, because I haven’t been doing well lately. But you know what, you’re right–depression lies! Despair will fade. We are loved and wanted. See you soon!

  63. I think you look awesome in that outfit. Particularly love the gloves. Feel better soon {gentle hugs}

  64. If you like Sherlock & DA, I also recommend Murdoch Mysteries (think steampunk CSI in Victorian Toronto). The first season is available to stream on Netflix, and three more seasons are on DVD. High five for morale!

  65. You never have to apologize to us for anything, least of all not having a funny day. The laughs are nice, but just traveling along with you is what we care about, laughs or not.
    xo from the far north

  66. I’ve been going through something similar, which is odd since we had such GORGEOUS weather last week. Here’s hoping that all of us in the funk get out of it quickly! And I agree with you…picture looks like a crime scene.

  67. Jenny,
    You’re beautiful. Keep you’re chin up.
    We’ll be right here waiting patiently for when you’re feeling more like yourself again.

  68. The Death Warmed Over look will get you into People’s 100 most beautiful people issue. Not a bad gig, doesn’t necessarily pay a ton of cash but it is good for dating. Don’t tell Victor that.

  69. We’ll see you on the other side of it. Also, I love the wig, it looks really natural – not super-fake-shiny like so many of them tend to. Because in reality no one’s hair is THAT shiny! Your outfit looks like Steampunk crossed with Day of the Dead. awesome.

  70. Hooray for you for speaking out on the importance of self care, Jenny. You are a model for all of us who visit this place from time to time. Also, the pics rock!

  71. If it helps, here’s a picture of Matt Damon wearing a Christmas sweater:

    http://themonstersflashlight.wordpress.com/2012/03/26/???/

    Oh, and there’s a picture of your book.

    It’s from La Linterna Del Monstro, which is one of my favorite blogs, even though “la linterna del monstro” is impossible to Google with the spell-check on.

    Of course, when I’m depressed, I like to read your blog, but that may not help you.

    If nothing cheers you up, then watch Charles in Charge, the best television show of all time.

  72. I read this today, from the beat poet Gregory Corso:

    “Standing on a street corner waiting for no one is power.”

    It’s kind of what you’re doing, in a way, by waiting for this to pass, no?

  73. You are an inspiration, even when depressed – sometimes, ESPECIALLY when depressed. Remember, it always passes if you can just wait it out…….

  74. I’m fighting along with you. Remember to look for the good & flip off the bad thoughts….

  75. And by the by, the picture just makes it apparent that you have amazing, porcelain-like skin. Jesus, lady. You look like a beautiful china doll (I mean, one who’s appearing in a crime scene from a Gothic novel, but whatever.)

  76. Must be something in the moon or the water, because I’m fighting the Meh, too. I feel anxious, angry, and worthless, even as I count the good things on both hands. At least I’m not alone. I know you’ll be back in balance soon, just as I know that I WILL find my balance.

  77. I fight that feeling almost every day. In fact, I am at this very moment in a major battle between giving up the day to sitting in front of the TV and being productive with a very important project. ehh…

  78. Been on the road for work this week and spent the better part of last night crying in my hotel room and watching Marcel the Shell on youtube while power slamming a cocktail of Zoloft and a McDonald’s Shamrock Shake. Depression sucks turtle scrotums…you are not alone.

  79. I know how you feel. I get knocked down by depression too, but more so by anxiety. I’ll take depression over anxiety any day…well not that I want either of them. I mean who would, right?

  80. Those are some AWESOME pics, Go Maille! Also, you are a goddess, Jenny!

    You’re going to love the hell out of Sherlock and Downton Abbey. Good luck on avoiding falling in love with cousin Matthew and Sherlock (though I’m more of a Watson girl, myself) … BTW, Team Mary all the way! Sybill is awesome too, but Edith is a conniving bitch!

    Anywho, enjoy your escapism. We love you and will be here when you come back out the other side (or if you need us)

  81. First – the picture is awesome – you look like a rock star. Second – you rock – depression LIES and is so uber full of shit for making you feel this way. Somewhere in your brain, tuck it away that you rock, and you’ve created this awesome crew of people who all think you rock too. F*ck depression – you are amazing.

  82. Just remind yourself that you are amazing and funny, that you have a book coming out in less than a month that so many like myself can’t wait to have in their hot little hands. You have a gift and gifted people are sometimes troubled but you have done so much for others and if all we can give back is our love and care for you then you have it gladly. We will all be waiting for you on the other side cheering you on!

  83. Jenny – All kidding aside, I think it’s beautiful that when you are suffering, you still reach out to other people to make them feel better. I love you for this. Take care of yourself. <3

  84. Perhaps your husband’s opinion of your photo reflects his fear of losing you to the depression monster. That photo was a work of pure art that brought pleasure to me. You can’t do a work that beautiful while slacking off. Fight the depression beast with whatever works. Survive first, you can always get rehab and therapy later.

  85. Oh Bloggess, Goddess of the Intertubes, the pics are amazing. You look beautiful. Keep on fighting the good fight. A day without Jenny is a day completely without everything so thank you for taking the time to post a little something something for us.

  86. I get like this a lot, too. It’s the days that I get out of bed and take a shower only because I have a husband and little girl to take care of that I know I’m not doing so well. Because if I was alone I wouldn’t bother getting out of bed. I’m doing better right now, and it might have to do with some new meds and a new doctor, but either way, I’ll take it. Hugs to you. I’ll be waiting on the other side.

  87. The 2nd picture reminds me of Mindy Gledhill’s album cover for Anchor. You should look at it. It’s lovely. *hugs*

  88. I suffer from depression and anxiety too. I’m also a therapist! Hah! My advice to you is don’t stop talking about it. Talk to us, Victor, your therapist, your cat, Copernicus. Anyone or thing who will sit still long enough. If you talk long enough you can conquer it. And it helps the rest of us along the way too.

    Oh, and you are so right, it LIES!!!!

    Love you.

  89. Sherlock and Downton Abbey!!!! You’ll feel better, for sure. Sending good thoughts you’re way, hope you get out of the funk very soon.

  90. Feel better soon!

    You bring us so much…thank you. Enjoy your “me” time.

  91. I’m in the same boat this week and bailing like crazy. Thanks for the reminder about the lies. It helps, no matter how many times I read it.

  92. Love the photo!

    Sherlock will cheer you up with his ascerbic wit. I love me some Sherlock. Then switch to Downton Abbey for some good old fashioned pearl clutching. You’ll need tissues. These blue bloods just can’t seem to get it together!!

  93. God, could you BE any more whimsical in those pictures!?

    I hope things will turn around soon.
    May your day and week be full of whimsy! (And sexiness.)

  94. You are so beautiful, and I am so inspired by your openness regarding mental illness! Also, thanks for the response regarding the bookplate! I am still waiting anxiously for it to arrive. Not too much longer!

  95. me too. Except I have to go in and have meetings and not curl up fetal in the corner because that’s bad for business. 🙁

  96. Those photos are lovely. And I hope your depression leaves you quickly. I know what it’s like. Just hang in there. Hopefully Sherlock and Downton will help ease the pain a bit.

  97. Everyone I know had a horrible week (health and happiness way low) and we were commenting that it was weird we all had a lousy week and had all our medical issues flair up. Some freaky planet alignment? Is this how the world actually ends in 2012? With a crampy whimper?

    Good call taking the time off and I’m glad others recommended Sherlock to you because I thought you would like it too. I’m going to take the day off too: go to the library to get a bunch of Mrs. Jeffries mysteries and load up on the sweet potato tots at Sonic.

    Viva la Rest!

  98. I love you so much. This is why: I love that you are depressed (no, not that, wait for it-) and you talk about it. I love that you say Depression LIES because I’ve never thought of it that way, and you’re absolutely right. It does. (Fucking depression) and I love that you said, “See you on the other side” because man, that’s so true. I’m also a fucking depressive, in the middle of switching medications and it SUCKS. For the record, Wellbutrin might make sex better but I am having anger issues that I never had on the SSRIs. I feel like the hulk. (cue sad hulk music) I’ll see YOU on the other side!

  99. I hope it passes quickly. I hope that you soon feel as awesome as you are. I hope the voices here that tell you you’re amazing help, even a little bit, to drown out that lying SOB depression.

  100. I don’t know what else to say except that I hope you’re feeling better soon. No one can be funny all the time. It has to be harder to keep up when a person is as brilliantly funny as you are. You take care of you and your legion of fans will wait patiently for you feel like yourself again. 🙂

  101. Look for the sunshine, sunshine is good for you, it always lifts my mood. Get better soon! You are so beautiful! Love the pictures!

  102. Jenny, we’ve never met … but yet I feel that I know you well enough to tell you that I love you. Not in a creepy I-want-to-wear-your-skin kind of way either. You are a powerful voice for those of us with anxiety and depression and I wish you a quick path back to *you*. XOXO

  103. Beautiful photos of a beautiful lady. Like many others, I have suffered depression most of my life. With some anxiety attacks thrown in as well. So I completely understand. Feel better. ?

  104. Depression is a yella-bellied low-down dirty-rotten no-good very-bad carpet-bagging mother-fucking twat-waffle.

  105. thank you so much for these words: “And remember, if you’re feeling this too, depression lies. Keep fighting the good fight. You’re worth it.” I really, really needed to hear them today.
    Hope you are rising to the surface. xoxo

  106. Sherlock and Downton Abbey are both awesome shows, but I’m not sure they are good for making you feel better about things. I recommend Cougar Town (ignore the name, it’s about friends hanging out and drinking wine) for cheering up.

  107. Sherlock is amazing! I hope you will love it and it will cheer you up. If that doesn’t work then Google SuperWhoLock, or just WhoLock and bask in the amazing creativeness of other peoples brains.

  108. Beautiful Pictures! I’m having that kind of week too. It’s nice to know i’m not the only one but I sincerely wish it wasn’t you. Why cant it be the people who truly deserve to feel crappy that do, instead of people who are made of pure awesomeness like yourself. Thank you for being so amazing.

  109. Everytime I hit one of my depression-periods, I remind myself that it is worth it. All the doubt, self-loathing and pointless tears are well worth the joy I have in my life. It does not help on the depression-part but it is nice to remind myself. Because I know it is true.

    Here is a picture of twine in all the colours of the rainbow: http://in.all.biz/img/in/catalog/227708.jpeg

  110. I’m trying to remind myself that it is worth it.. that I’m worth it. It didn’t help me get up in time to get the bus for school so I’m going to work on being productive at home.

  111. I know how you feel. I’m hibernating today instead of going to my brother-in-law’s wake. My husband has given me dispensation, so I don’t feel as guilty as I would normally. Your mantra of “depression is a liar” has helped me immensely, and I will count on it again today. Hope we both rise up soon.

  112. I adore the second photo, with the parasol. In my head, we’re looking at the most stylish, deranged (in a good way!), and furiously alive fairy godmother EVER, as she skips away to find more interesting mischief.

    ???

  113. When I get depressed I overdose on kosher dill pickles, which I suppose is better than alcohol or pain meds.

    And not for nothing, but when I saw the pictures, I immediately thought of David Caruso ripping off his dark glasses and saying something like “Looks like she’s been Freshly Pressed.” (I just realized non WordPress.com bloggers wont get that joke.)

  114. Depression is a filthy little liar… That’s a great way to put it. You put a smile on my face even when you don’t try!

  115. Gorgeous pictures! I wish I had your lips. (No, not in a jar on my shelf.) Here’s hoping you get past this bout quickly. I discovered today that the Lego Alien Conquest stuff is twisted and fun and belongs in my office. Legos make much better.

    Seriously… take very good care of you. And if we can do anything, let us know. You certainly brighten our days enough to deserve a whole lot back.

  116. Get better soon. And before you watch “Sherlock”, google “Benedict Cumberbatch looks like an otter.” After that, he won’t actually stop looking like an otter to you. You won’t be able to unsee the otter.

  117. I know you already know this, honey, but it bears reminding:

    It’s perfectly normal to fall into a trough after something exciting has happened–
    ie: Your book arriving.

    Totally normal–even folks *without* depression do this to a certain extent.

    You’ll get through this, Jenny.
    You will, you will.

    *love*

  118. Definitely crime scene. Nobody would be caught dead slacking off in that awesome dress. See what I did there? Feel better!

  119. Sherlock and Downton Abbey are both freakin’ fantastic! And once you’ve googled”otters who look like Benedict Cumberbatch,” try “badgers who look like Martin Freeman.” Equally awesome.

  120. That second photo reminds me of the movie “King of Hearts.” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_of_Hearts_(1966_film) I get the Disney reference too. “King of Hearts” is a charming satire along the lines of “Harold and Maude” Here is the Netflix link, but is appears not to be available. http://movies.netflix.com/Movie/King-of-Hearts/60020247

    The price for Amazon must be a typo. http://www.amazon.com/King-Hearts-Alan-Bates/dp/B000059H9D For $129.99 the shipping should be free!

  121. I spent all last week in the depressed/self-loathing/anxiety state.
    I think I’m out of it now, but God that was hard.
    “See you on the other side” is a great thing to say for that.
    Hold on and see you on the other side!

  122. I hope things get better soon.
    And I love that photo of you- it does have a certain crimescene ness to it. Have you seen Amanda Palmer & Neil Gaiman’s book ‘Who Killed Amanda Palmer?’ that picture reminds me of the book (in a good way)

  123. Because of you, I finally went to the Dr. and told him about my depression. What a weight that has been lifted…we’re working on it together to get me through. Jenny, every body needs some down time, including you. Enjoy a couple of days of just chilling and watching some PBS. I heart you!

  124. Jenny, I am SO with you on this. I finally got brave enough last week to go to the doctor, tell him that my anti-depressants aren’t working any more, and am starting a new cocktail of Prozac and Wellbutrin. With fingers crossed. And toes.

    Feel better. (I know that you will, but I also know how it feels to wait and wonder how much longer this will last.)

  125. Your so beautiful and gorgeous your pictures are like crime scene…Thanks for sharing…

  126. *hugs you*

    March is a rough time for anyone with depression and/or it’s bitchy sidekick anxiety. I’ve been riding that down, down roller coaster, so I feel your pain. I’d really just like to crawl into a hole and pull it over me. To not stress and freak about what I can’t change right now.

    Anyway, we both know the lies, and we both know that eventually there’s light, but in the meantime it sucks. And May is on its way and for the 15th year in a row, somewhere between March and May I will be sucker-punched by the loss of my son. I know it’s coming. I never know when exactly, and I never recognize it straight off. At any rate…ride it out. Try not to listen to the lies. It’s hard. They’re loud.

    But I’m louder.

  127. If you can get it Dr Horrible’s Sing Along has always been a mood lifter for me. It alleviates the depression somewhat anyway.

    If that actually is a crime scene maybe Castle & Det Beckett will come investigate? Make sure you have a ball of twine in your hand when they do

  128. Definitely the crime scene photo. Awesome dress, awesome lace gloves. Hang in there, kiddo, it gets better. (22 wonderful years on antidepressants here.)

  129. this post made me tear up. i’m feeling the exact same way here lately and it gets so damn hard dealing with it. i hate that you are going through it too but its nice knowing that i’m not alone in feeling crazy.
    thanks for helping in the way that only you can

  130. I’ve been feeling pretty crappy too lately. Well not as pretty as you but in a tie re: the crappy part. And although I wouldn’t wish this feeling on ANYONE (not even my ex), thanks for sharing. It helps a little to know that I’m not alone in the depths of doom.

    PS. Doom is an asshole.

  131. You are brave and beautiful! You are an amazing advocate even on your darker days. Take care of you, and I personally think Downton Abbey can make everything better. (in the words of my department chair, “LOVE Matthew he’s such a dish!”)

    Many many hugs to you.

  132. I hope the funk you’re in funks off soon.
    It’s no fun, especially because you know what’s happening and you just have to work through it. Stupid brains! Sometimes I think the zombies just want to help us.

  133. Just went through an episode like that myself. Hope you feel better quickly. Depression sucks majorly. We keep fighting the fight. And? That was a hot crime scene photo.

  134. You’re right babe; depression is a dirty bitch. My dad and I made up a name for her. It’s the name he wanted to give me when I was born, but luckily didn’t as my mother won out (as usual). It’s Elspeth. No, I didn’t sneeze. That’s the real name. And so Elspeth, the smelly pirate hooker, comes to visit but she is not permitted permanent residence.

    It’s been a rough month for me, too. And every time I read about you trying to fight off your own personal demons, I feel like I’m more okay. And I tell Elspeth to hit the road. Keep on keepin’ on, Bloggess.

  135. I hope tomorrow is a better day. Spend some time doing what you enjoy with you who enjoy. If you need some time to hide in the bathroom, take it.

  136. The pictures are gorgeous. You look like a cross between a Tim Burton movie and a Tom Petty video. You and Johnny Depp are the only two people I know who have ever accomplished both so you two are now tied in my world. (Higher praise I cannot give.)

    Concerning the blues, I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope lighter times are headed your way very soon. If it helps you at all, please know that you just prompted me to take a very big step in my life and make a meaningful phone call I should have made years ago. Thanks, Jenny. This is the kind of stuff you make happen when you open up. Hugs.

  137. I’m having a similar day today. It’s all I can do to stay alive today. I’ll be thinking of you.

  138. Do you know why I love this blog? Well, aside from the prolific use of dirty language and strange pictures of dead animals frozen in time of course. Because you are honest, and couragous, and strong… even when you feel like you aren’t. Those pictures are stunning and you are stronger than you realize. We’ll see you on the other side, but we’ll also stick around with you right through the darkness.

  139. Love you lots! beautiful picture!!! I just ordered your book and can’t wait to get it

  140. Depression is a lying bastard; I know from personal experience. Finally on the upside of 6 months of the worst depression I’ve ever felt. Feel better soon. Tell that depression to fuck off, every chance you get.

  141. Aw! I’m sorry your depression is being a jerk right now… =o/ Just keep swimming! =o)
    Anywho… just wanted to say that those pics are beautiful, absolutely love the dress, huge fan of the strawberry-blonde, and I adore your amazing, porcelain skin!

  142. That dress is stunning! I also highly recommend that you add some Poirot into your viewing rotation. Seasons 1-6 are available on Amazon streaming (whatever it’s called) and some of them are free if you have the Prime membership. There’s something about that little Belgian that just makes the world better!

  143. Sometimes, the only thing that gets me through is hearing your words… “Depression Lies.” I tell myself it’s ok to lie in bed & cry & watch Lost Girl, because it’s better than what depression tells me.

    Thanks for always making me feel less alone.

  144. Right here.

    Right now… I needed to hear this. My husband was wounded in Afghanistan, and it’s been hellish lately. Hearing someone say Depression Lies just validated that its ok, and that we can make it.

    Thank you from a Marine Corps family.

    Depression: rye poser of 2012. Or, the other white meat, whichever rolls off your tongue better. 😉

  145. Warmed over death looks good on you. Also, red dresses, tiny hats and parasols. Obviously. I love ya more than my luggage and hope you make it to the other side sooner than soon. And me too, of course.

  146. Hang in there, lovey. You’re gorgeous in those pictures! Where did you get your amazing stockings? And are they comfortable? (Relatively, I mean. They ARE stockings, after all, not lounge pants.) I hope you feel better soon. I nearly freaked out and started screaming with anxiety in a Sam’s Club Sunday. We all feel your pain!

  147. Depression is a lying turd, plain and simple. You can’t believe a single word it says, including “and” and “the.” I remember spending one entire day sitting on the floor of the bathroom next to the claw-footed tub, fighting to find a reason to come out. And eventually I did. And it got better.

    I’m sending you virtual nachos to enjoy with your DVD watching. But keep an eye on Ferris Mewler – I think he’ll try to make off with them.

  148. You’re superwoman. Honest.
    Take a deep breath. Acknowledge it and allow it to pass. Like a police car that is speeding by you on the motorway. It’s not there to stay, it’s on it’s way somewhere else. You’ll hear it’s sirens but not for long. And then you can continue your journey at your own pace.

    Xxxx

  149. You are beautiful and funny and awesome.
    Been feeling like you. Sucks, it is spring & would like to be filled with joy & happiness!
    Hang in there baby, Friday’s coming 😉

  150. I needed this today, thank you for posting. As always, you know just what to say and how to reach your readers. I hope you feel sunny again soon 🙂

  151. I hope you’re feeling better soon – and I hope Sherlock Holmes helps because it’s pretty awesome!

  152. Yeah, the trip sucks. But its easier when you have company. Love, love the pics. And the dress. Wish I could find one in green.

  153. As a fellow victim of depression, I sympathize with you. I hope you feel better soon. Would you like to come and play with my donkeys? Going outside and hanging with them, my horses and my goats usually helps me.

  154. Waiting for you to come back to life.
    I don’t know if it helps you but being reminded I’m loved helps shake depression’s grip a little. So yes, you are very loved and you make things more bearable.

  155. Depression is a lying bastard. I’m sending you e-hugs and e-cupcakes.

    I also want to thank you. I started reading your blog a little while ago while I was in the middle of going through my own depression. Seeing you write about it really helped me get the guts to talk to my own family about my issues. I just wanted to let you know you helped me.

  156. Depression lies. It does, right? You said it does. I believe in you. Depression lies.
    You keep me somewhat sane in the middle of depressionattacks.
    Thank you.

  157. I know what you mean. When I get like this, I watch episodes of Miami Ink. Seeing Ami James’s hotness takes my mind off a lot of things. 🙂

    Feel better soon, Jenny.

  158. I just finished the last of Downton Abbey last night and was depressed there were no more to watch. So be warned, it may not help you feel better.

  159. I totally understand how you’re feeling…take some time and it’s ok to not be funny once in a while =) Oh and to take time to have marathons of your favorite tv shows/movies =)

  160. Yep. Depression lies. and lows. But you still look like you, so I’m here to reaffirm that even though you might not feel like yourself, you still are – and I know a little something about not being yourself, so take that as an expert’s opinion.

    I’m also here to tell you that we love you and will wait for you to come out of the bathroom. For whatever reason you’re in there. THAT’s how much we love you.

  161. This photoshoot looks amazing. You look amazing. Love the style of it all, and it really was an appropriate representation of those kinds of feelings. Today has been a rough one here too. Yikes.

  162. Dangit, Jenny, you just made me cry. In public. You’re in trouble! I hope you and I both come out the other side soon! I have declared war on depression. Thanks for giving me ammunition to fight!

  163. I’ve always been too shy to comment, but I will overcome my usual reticence for this.
    Feel better, Jenny. You are an awesome lady 🙂

  164. You know that commercial for anti depressants where the woman has a blobby depression buddy that follows her around? Well, I hate that commercial. If I was able to fully form my depression into an animate object I’d give it gentials that I could kick with sharply pointed boots. Or, at the very least, shins. Blobby buddys are solely reserved for happy things like Schmoo, Gloop, and Gleep.

    See you on the other side – I’ll man the bar and the glitter.

  165. I hope this comes out right…I just wanted to say THANK YOU for sharing your days like these. I have been in therapy for almost 5 years now to deal with major depression, anxiety issues, OCD, and PTSD all stemming from a sexual assault 23 years ago.

    One of my biggest hurdles has been how alone I feel in my fight to overcome all of this. Seeing posts like this, knowing that there are others out there (especially a strong, intelligent, kind, and funny woman I look up to) dealing with the same things, feeling the same things I feel gives me so much HOPE that I too can fight through this. It makes me feel less alone. It gives me strength to get back into my therapists office and face my demons head on.

    You don’t know me and we have never met, but you are a role-model for me. You help me to see the finish line, even if I won’t reach it for years…you remind me it is there. On my bad days I now can say “Depression lies”, and it becomes my battle cry to push through the worst of it.

    This too shall pass. *hugs*

  166. I go through the same things. ((hugs)) from strangers! And I was just walking around in my circus outfit thinking of the good ol’ days…. I LOVE the pics!

  167. Right there with ya, sista! I was just saying to my husband that I feel sad today. He asked why. “No reason, just don’t feel right.” I’m blaming it on the ghost:) You should too! Enjoy some R&R.

  168. And remember, if you’re feeling this too, depression lies. Keep fighting the good fight. You’re worth it.

    Thank you for this. I’ve been incredibly off today, and this right here? This helped. I realize that when any of us gets depressed, we think we’re the only one in the world ever to have this happens and it feels that way quite often. As much as it sucks that you’re depressed, too, it helps to know that I’m not the only one going through it.

    You are awesome. I am awesome. We’re not all the way awesome today, but we will be once again. OH YES WE WILL.

  169. As your resident Catholic religious nut reader, I am contractually obliged to suggest that at least part of what you’re experiencing is spiritual attack, because the devil knows that you’re about to have a bestselling book that’s going to make a lot of people feel more alive, and he hates that kind of thing.

    I’ll pray a decade of the Rosary for the intention that you feel better soon, whatever the cause.

  170. hope to see you soon on the other side. It DOES look like a disturbed (and rather pretty) crime scene. LOVE the dress.

    if you don’t mind, move over and hand some popcorn. after celebrating the end of my last job am kind of staring into the abyss that comes with being a freelancer…

    (are capitals even MORE annoying when you are down?)

  171. Thank you very much for being so honest about your off days…. you’re extraordinarily inspiring.
    Remember the hope that all those red dresses stand for, see you on the other side soon

  172. OK, first of all, have you seen yourself in that dress…girl, you are one hot mama. I’m getting a whole reverse Wizard of Oz thing thing with the red dress and the black witchy shoes in the corner of the pic. We all have bad days/weeks/months…you are AWESOME!! I mean HELLO…. you have book coming out next month, woo hoo. Plus, a loving husband, a daughter that clearly adores you. Deep breaths, this too shall pass. Good Luck!

  173. Depression does LIE! You hit it on the nose! And for the record, so does Mania! Hope you’re hanging in there – the more we talk about it the less power it has! Although, some days it’s nice to claim “mental disorder” isn’t it? 😉 Thanks for all you do!

  174. Hang in there, darlin’. At least you didn’t kill your sucky computer in frustration like I did today. Now I have to do everything from my iPhone, and the iPhone keyboard sucks. Good thing is now I’m forced to finally get rid of my crappy pc laptop and go back to Mac. So I’m telling myself I’m winning. You tell yourself that too. I mean that you’re winning, not me, tho it would be great if you told me I’m winning too.

  175. You make this world a safe place for me to confess things like how I only get my hair cut twice a year because that is how often I visit my hometown and can see the woman who has cut my hair for 25 years. I’ve lived 8 hours away for 10 years, know a couple of good stylists, and yet my hair grows wild. On the upside, I’m able to donate my hair evey few years.
    This year I missed my Christmas haircut. I’m looking a little like a troll doll. So, I have an appointment with my local friend’s salon next Tuesday. The fact that I called a person to schedule this is in and of itself a big step. I’m kind of freaked out about next week. It’s only hair! I’m only taking an inch off! I need a paper bag!
    God help me if I keep going gray because the thought of picking a hair dye color makes me break into a sweat.
    Anyway, thanks for letting me share my crazy. Thanks for making a little crazy seem a lot awesome. Thanks for cheering me up even when you are down.
    Feel better soon! We miss you bunches.

  176. DEPRESSION IS A LYING BASTARD!!! We love you, Jenny. You’ll make it through this.

    BTW, the pictures? Absolutely gorgeous.

  177. Best wishes on feeling better soon. In case you need to hear it today, I think you’re amazing and your writing and humor are often the brightest parts of my day.

    Killer photos, BTW.

  178. From strength to strength, Jenny. We’re right behind you with ALL our hand on your back to keep you going forward.

  179. Love to you, Jenny. I’m so sorry that you are battling this.
    If you can, go and pet a pony. But make sure that it is a friendly, non-biting pony. I gave mine baths the other day and brushed some winter hair off of them and I couldn’t help but smile. Cuz they’re PONIES. I’m gritting my teeth thinking about it. They were actually fighting for my attention, which was a nice change since my family usually ignores me.
    If that doens’t work, may I suggest Reality TV? You are bound to feel better about yourself after watching those train wrecks.
    Take care of yourself. We all love you so much. You should know that.

  180. I am sorry to hear that you are struggling.

    Please know that you mean so much to so many.

  181. Depression lies. This statement keeps me holding on, even if its just barely by my fingertips. Thank you for sharing. Keep holding on. I will if you will.

  182. I totally thought “CSI scene” when I saw the picture. So ya, I’m with you on this one. Feel better soon.

  183. I just have two things to say to you:
    1. Remember, we love you heaps!
    2. Those pictures are gorgeous!

    Hope you feel better soon, thinking of you and sending you hugs in the meantime!

  184. Such a short post but such a strong, positive message.

    “…depression lies. Keep fighting the good fight. You’re worth it.”

    Indeed. You, dear Jenny, are so very worth it. Sending cyber-hugs and happy wishes your way.

  185. I do not think you look like you’re slacking, nor like a crime scene. I think you look peaceful and content.
    Enjoy your British dramas! And when you’re done we can lament how very few episodes are in a series, and how long until the the next one airs/is released (…not that I recently ran out of Downton…).

    P.S. I think you’re one of the bravest people I’ve never met.

  186. I’m feeling the depression, too. Stress dreams all night. My fish died this morning. I cried in the shower. I couldn’t think well enough to work. All I really did today was watch all the episodes of GCB. I skipped exercise. I cried again when my 6-year-old daughter brought me a picture she drew of my fish. Perhaps it’s time to find a shrink? I just need a few days to snap out of this funk.

    Thanks for the article… It helps.

  187. My five year old (off school sick) spotted your photo and has now asked for a dress like yours.

    I hope you feel better, sooner.

  188. here’s a poem for you:
    Little Bo Peep lost her contraceptive
    and doesn’t know where to find it
    Little Boy Blue hid it in his shoe
    because he’s so nasty minded
    Blue and Peep went up a steep
    hill to get some action
    Peep dropped down to the ground
    she wanted the satisfaction
    Mary, Mary, not-so-contrary
    entered the action there
    with her, Blue, and Peep
    there was no time for sleep
    ’til Jack came for his share
    Now this group of four
    couldn’t ask for more
    SEX at no extra cost!
    They laid and played and contracted AIDS
    now all their lives are lost

    Moral: Cap’n Condom sez, “bag that bugger!”

  189. You are loved, dear Jenny. You are loved when you make us laugh and you are loved when you are openly honest about your struggles. I too have a personal relationship with depression. What I tell myself is that I have survived this before and will make it through once again. Take the best care of yourself as you can, accept those hands reaching out for you to help you through the trenches and survive until you can thrive again.

  190. so, i hope this might bring you a smile. after reading about your red dress campaign, i wanted to do something similar. So, (I’m an athletic trainer at a community college in NJ) I got my female athletes together and we organized a prom dress drive and give away event. We are planning to give away over 200 dresses this friday and saturday to girls who might not otherwise be able to afford to go to the prom. Everybody deserves to feel beautiful, and hopefully we make that easier this year. just a heads up, red seems to be the color of the season. 🙂

  191. Three things:
    1) Those pictures are GORGEOUS.
    2) Can’t wait to hear what you thought of Sherlock!
    3) This is the important one: the other day I took a bit of a dive into the hole, as you call it. I just burst into tears for no reason and couldn’t stop and I kept thinking that I should just give up and die because there was no point to me at all.

    And then I remembered you saying that depression lies.

    I pretty much held on to just that. That one tiny thing that made all the difference this time. I am bipolar, so the highs are really high, and the lows are really low. When the lows hit they hit fast and hard and sometimes they stick around and sometimes they just leave as fast as they came. But when I’m in that low bit… I don’t remember that. I need something to hold on to. And this time it was you. So thank you for that. And know that I’ll be thinking of you the next few days. <3

  192. Totally looks like a crime scene! A beautiful yet tragic crime scene, especially with the boots in the picture.

    You take such beautiful pictures! And that dress! Amazing. 🙂

    I am sorry your sadness has taken over for a short time but like you said it will pass and depression is a lying bitch, a lying bitch on her period no less! Don’t listen to her. Hormonal lying bitch!

    Remember we love you! MUAH!

  193. I fight it everyday! I suffer from depression and soical anxiety in a big way so i know what the ups and downs r like. My dr says i’ve gotta learn to ride the wave and stop fighting it so much. But how do u ride it when u’ve been fighting it all ur life. Jenny i love that u actually talk about it, it makes me feel less crazy (or more but execpted). I hope u feel like urself soon hun and take care! (((((hugs)))))
    Ps ur pics r beautiful as u r inside and out!

  194. I wish I had something funny to say to help you ride out the yucks but I’ve been living there for the last few weeks.

    I can say that you’re awesome and I appreciate you being so honest. I have a hard time admitting my struggles to others. You inspire me.

  195. I feel your pain. I hope things start to look up soon. I think those “in between” weeks are the worst. Keep fighting the good fight 🙂

  196. Thanks for being you – never stop, you are an inspiration (both to stay strong and to keep up my overactive imagination).

  197. It amazes me how many of you will click on the link to my blog, just because I post a comment on here. It seems the comment can be anything, and some people will still check to see what kind of bullshit I’m spouting. Thanks, because I really do appreciate it. Anyhow, please get feeling better soon, Jenny. I know a little about being depressed, and I know how depressing it is when depression hits. Maybe if I design a fart whistle it will cheer you up.

  198. Omg, you look so much like the girls from the recent Castle episode about the fairy tale killer! Did you see that one? The killer dolled them all up with makeup and such to look like different fairy tale ladies. So damn good! You’re Sleeping Beauty!! Creepy and gorgeous photo!!

    Figures you would be a corpse in a Nathan Fillion show…betcha he wouldn’t bring any damn twine to the crime scene either!

  199. Depression might lie, but my dad would be so mad at me if I did. So nothing but the truth here, lady: We don’t know each other, but I look forward to reading your ramblings and insights on this blog. I think you’re pretty fantastic. Just in general.

  200. I’m fairly new to your blog (found it via Wil Weaton’s Twitter….W00T!), and I just wanted to tell you that you are FANTASTIC! I can’t wait to read more of your posts. I read the Beyonce thing and thought, “Wow. I want to be friends with this person! She is the greatest thing to happen to the internet! EVER!!”. Also, now seems like a good time to add that I am in no way a stalker.
    You are right, depression does lie. And if it was ever able to manifest itself into a tangible object, that object would deserve to be beaten to within an inch of its life. Then carefully nursed back to health so that it could be beaten severely once again.

  201. My condolences. I just came out of a bad bout myself. I have lots of suggestions, the kind Depression likes to scoff at and ignore, so I’ll just stick to empathy. For what it’s worth, lots of people think you’re neat for being exactly who you are. Today that’s depressed. Yep, we’re still here. That’s one hook you can let yourself off.

  202. Ugh, I know that feeling… And you are so right. DEPRESSION LIES.
    But, even when in the depths and telling myself that? I still believe some of the things it says. For a while at least.
    Take care.

  203. Yes, my dear, depression lies. It also sucks, but not in a good way. Thinking of you…

  204. Take care Jenny. Your ability to accessorize in your red dress photos is always really intriguing to see – I love the little top hat to pieces, and I think you might be the only person I’ve ever seen pull one off!

  205. Wow! Amazing to hear someone describe so perfectly what I am experiencing right now. It’s really hard to get through these periods when there is such major self-criticism when we can ne so smart and confident at other times.

  206. Thank you for this. I am always inspired by your kindness. Keep fighting the good fight. <3

  207. last week I was so anxiety ridden I felt like ants were crawling under my skin and were going to walk away it… this week is better, things are calmer (and I still have my skin, sorry Copernicus). I know you’ll soon feel better too, maybe a little hug will help 😉

  208. Please fight the fight!

    It is a lot of pressure to always feel like you have to entertain, but I appreciate you being honest with us, and I hope there are people who seek help because of your honesty.

    I am an educator, and from now until the end of school, it is chaos. The dangling carrot for me right now is waiting to receive your book in the mail…because after I read the excerpt, I laughed until I cried..in a totally good way.

    My sister and I just started reading your blog and we sit together with our laptops and read and laugh together! You are the glue that is holding not 1 educator, but 2 together!!! And that, my lady, is what is educating our children!!

    Hang tough!

  209. some nights i am scared of the thoughts that come to my mind. I’m not sure I would ever act on them, I’m too much of a wuss, but the idea of self harm is in my head everyday. everyday.

    I’m not sure why i’m writing it here. maybe because I don’t have anyone to talk about it to. Maybe because I feel like if its out in the universe its off my chest and not so scary.

    its scary to feel alone. but in this place i feel like there is a community and someone who understands.

    thank you for being here and for being a voice for those of us who aren’t strong enough to use our own.

  210. Sometimes it helps to lay in a shady spot outside with a cat. The cat may choose to knead your stomach or to lick the crusty snail trail of dried tears off the side of your face. Once he’s satisfied that you are on the mend, he’ll pick a spot on you to take a nap that will make it impossible to get up- or he may try to protect you from your hair. You never know. Cats are funny like that. Maybe the moral of the story is don’t let an unlicensed cat treat you. I don’t know – whatever it is, hang in there. I hope you feel better. Me and a gazillion other fans will be here when you are ready.

  211. Sending you good thoughts. Been there. Know the other side is waiting; it just seems to take forever to arrive.

    The photos are just stunning. The colors pop so beautifully.

  212. Thanks for telling the truth about depression, and for keeping us in the loop so we could tell you we love you and we’ll be rooting for you and counting the days till you come back with your stories, your wit, your compassion and your love. XO

  213. I just got over one of those weeks. They suck. Also, I love both of those photos. They are wonderful!

  214. Feel better soon! I’m hitting a rut too. I love this dress by the way, is it available?

  215. You know what? I always thought I had anxiety, depression, and ADHD because that’s what I was diagnosed. But recently I was diagnosed bipolar. Everything just fits in better that way. I’m not saying you’re bipolar, but it might be worth looking into. I was raised in a family of mental health professionals, so I’m kind of in this world a lot. Keep fighting.

  216. Jenny, you look absolutely amazing in your pictures. I realize they were taken before that sneaky bastard Depression hit you…but that guy’s an lying asshole. I hope you can dump his ass quick, but we’re here and behind you 100%. Keep fighting back. You’re worth it. Hugs and love to you, Grand Master Ninja. 🙂

  217. Hang in there! The pictures are beautiful.
    Glad you’re taking some time out to be extra nice to yourself. You deserve it.

  218. Jenny,
    You are amazing. You truly are. Thank you so much for simply being you. In good times and bad. I have had one heck of a week myself, full of so many ups and downs I should win a prize for world’s best roller coaster. Really. Last week on Tuesday during what was supposed to be a normal annual physical with my doctor I was diagnosed as being diabetic. I was devastated. I was enraged. I was scared. I cried. I screamed. And then I had to find a way to laugh. I have gone through this up and down so many times in the last week. I have hid in my bed under my blanket and simply bawled.

    Keep going girl. I love you. I have never met you, but I wish I could. I can’t wait to read your book next month. You can do this. I can do this. We can do this.

  219. Nice to know I’m not the only one feeling like an empty well. Loved the phrase. Thanks for being so encouraging when you’re down there too.

  220. Jenny, we all go through highs and lows in a week. It is a true testament to your character that you can continue to write, make jokes and look super fabulous in those photos on a day/week that you’re not feeling quite up to par. Thanks for your randomness, raw honesty and hilarity. 🙂

    ps – I am loving my Beyonce stick puppet. She spends her days adorning my ruler. Except when I need it. Then the bitch gets stuck to the wall.

  221. Watching the 90’s version of Dark Shadows always works for us. It will capture the grayish, depressive feelings in a way considering it is vampire drama that was intended to be dark and edgy…. however, time has made it pretty humorous. Barnabas is always all ticked off and is like, “Huh-WHAAAAAAATTTT!!!!!!!”

  222. Depression is one lying bitchy bastard and I hate it. Anxiety is just the icing on the cake. I’ve been having issues for a while now too. But I finally made myself an appointment for the doc for Friday. Simply having made the appointment makes me feel slightly uplifted and like maybe I’ll be able to get something to make myself not feel paralyzed all the time with fear and self-loathing. I hope you get out of your funk. I hope I get out of mine too. And everyone else out there too struggling with it all… I hope we can all be un-funky together.

  223. “PS. I’ll be back to myself any day now.” Um….the promise of some cheery norm.

    From what I can see over the time I have read your space, you are back to ‘yourself’. The part that’s not so Sister Sledge, good times, granted, but still you.

    Keep keeping it authentic.

  224. What, exactly, does that pic say about you and Victor? 🙂 Feel better soon. Spring’s here! Or Autumn, depending on where you live …

  225. I’m sorry you’re not having a good week. Depression sucks.

    On the bright side, the pictures are gorgeous! Where is the dress from?

  226. You are beautiful. Like a misplaced circus preformer (that’s a huge compliment. Not an insult.).
    I love that dress! The gloves! The hat! Its so surreal! One day I hope to fit in a dress like that and walk around looking like the circus left me behind. (Dream big right)
    Anyways. You reminded me of a really cool/creepy music video from a band called Poets Of The Fall. The song Carnival Of Rust is haunting and awesome and full of forgoten circus people. (Actually I always thought all their music should be the sound track to all of the Twilight movies. They kinda fit together. I could be insane mmm )

    Anyways. I’m rambling. BOOYAH!

  227. That sort of week here, too. Keep keeping on, gorgeous. Thanks for sharing your heart (and taxidermied menagerie. Which would be a great band name. Called it!)

  228. I come here when I feel like ur feeling, and you always make me feel better..I wish I could give some of that back…I don’t know if you even get to read all of these, but I didn’t believe depression was a lying bastard until about 4 weeks ago…That was 20 years of my life thinking I was broken and damaged and wasting oxygen. I still get overwhelmed, but just the fact that I actually know when that bastard is fucking with me finally helps. It took 20 years to see the light, but now that I have….It was worth the wait. Just breathe, hunny. There is a little bit of silence, a little bit of peace in the spaces after you breathe in, and before you breathe out. Try to live in those spaces til you feel better. I’ll be there, too.
    “I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map
    And knew that somehow I could find my way back
    Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
    So I stayed in the darkness with you”
    Florence + The Machine

  229. I know how you feel, depression is a goddamn asswagon. Take a day to do what you want. Cuddle with Ferris Mewler and tell copernicus that the ‘hug’ isn’t nessicary. KEEP STRONG YOU AMAZING WOMAN!!!

  230. i would give you all the choclate the world had to offer, or at leat all the ahlloween candy.
    But my personal experience hath shown eating your feelings and moods does not work

    hopefully better drugs/ treatments are on your horizon
    until then know there are people who understand, and know that what works for one person will not work for somone else, so all advice can be taken with half a grain of salt.

    which means
    OH
    YOU Might be able to eat your feelings!!!

  231. It seems to be the plight of the seriously funny and talented that depression keeps its talons in deep. You know what the other side looks like and we’re all happy that you always make it back over. <3

  232. Jenny, if I had millions waiting for my next blog, a book about to launch and an upcoming book tour, I’d be under the covers, curled in a ball and weeping. You are so strong. We’ll all be waiting on the other side.

  233. Hang in there, hope you have a better tomorrow! Take care.

    P.S. LOVE those pictures the dress is Awesome, but I think that is because the person in it is awesome too!

  234. Fight the good fight, Jenny. No one who’s really on your side expects you to be “on” all the time. Or even half the time, if we’re being realistic.

    You’re so clever and funny that it’s easy to forget that you struggle. It’s ok to remind us.

    You make me laugh like a goddamn hyena sometimes, and it does keep me coming back, but it’s your honesty and willingness to share that is what I CONNECT with.

    I hope the responses you receive help keep you afloat while you do the real work, the work no one wants to know about.

  235. You need to watch this…it WILL make you feel better – even for just a minute. As you already know, one minute turns into another and before you know it – those lies won’t hold you and you will be smiling and singing about the dinosaurs. Hug to you – thanks for making me smile every day!

    http://theoatmeal.com/pterodactyl_video

  236. Sorry you are feeling crappy – may you get to the other side soon.

    Love, love, love the pictures! But where’s the smoking gun?

  237. Nothing wrong with taking some personal days, especially if you aren’t feeling like yourself. Which kind of makes them un-personal days if I think about it. But then again, I don’t think that’s covered in most work environments, so you just keep doing what you’re doing.

    Hope those dark clouds are blown away by a happy wind soon!

    The End

  238. I think, & my husband accused me last night of self-sabotage. I’m trying to get better with therapy. I had this incredibly freeing feeling all weekend after my therapy session on Friday. Then lashed out at him last night. Anyway, I woke up feeling less stabby and vulnerable today. I hope you wake up hopeful and sarcastic and funny. Much love to you, Jenny.

  239. I feel you. Depression is loudly whispering (okay, maybe screaming is more accurate but loudly whispering sounds more fancy :-)) in my ears right now. And you are right, Depression is a lying bastard. Sending you positive juju from Atlanta!

  240. I know just where you are. That awful black cloud that makes it hard to see anything around you. Everybody does seem to think that we’re slacking off, especially on the days when it’s too much work to get out of bed to do anything, even get something to eat or drink. It’s so hard for people outside of it to understand that just breathing is too much work. Just being awake. Basic things like going pee require an act of will just to get out of the bed.

    And then the shame spiral takes hold and we start to suspect that maybe they’re right. Maybe it is just mind over matter. Maybe we are lazy. We still can’t get up, though. We get further and further down into that hole, pulling us in until that black cloud has become a cyclone with no escape.

    The good news, and you know this, is that it does get better. You are not alone. You are loved not only by your family but by thousands of total strangers. Keep fighting against the dark. Sometimes your light is the only thing that helps us see. Maybe we can be the light for you.

    Love you, sincerely. I don’t throw those words around lightly. ((hugs))

    ps Come to Nashville sometime so we can find a honky tonk bathroom to hang out in.

  241. So on Monday mornings some friends and I play Star Wars Mad Libs (because why wouldn’t we) and this week , through the magic of Mad Libs, we had an entire story about Emporer Beyonce the Giant Chicken and Darth Schnozzlesticks. Thought that might make you smile a little.

  242. You may not know, Ms. Jenny Lawson, that you have saved lives by exposing the lies told by depression. That disease has a life of its own. It’s nothing like high blood pressure or arthritis – it is a coward that strikes when we are weakest. It is a liar and a thief. It is patient, waiting until we are vulnerable to emerge from the dark and strike.

    And you have shown that to the world.

  243. Those are really wonderful photos.

    Thank you for the reminder that depression lies. You are so right. I hope that you are feeling better.

  244. Been living with depression and the crap that goes with it since 1983. There are some days when I just want to jump off the merry-go-round because I have had enough. But I just keep going. I am glad you recognize the off days and you do somehting about them. Keep writing. It’s keeping us all sane.

  245. I have been dealing with the same thing for the past week on and off. I just keep telling myself it will pass and so I know it will pass for you too. The best part about this blog is it makes me realize I am not the only one who deals with this, especially reading through the comments.
    Hope you feel better soon.

  246. Depression is a dick.

    You are gorgeous/funny/awesome/etc. though, so don’t let depression’s dickiness get to you. 🙂

  247. Depression is an asshole. Thank you for blogging, even when you’re not funny. It’s always a high point of the day.

  248. Thank you. I needed to read this today. I had an anxiety attack earlier and haven’t had a clear head since a couple of hours ago. Just thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking… lots of negative thoughts… lots of anxiety… lots of pressure and stress… my health took a bit of a dive recently and the depression is only making things worse. And to say I’m exhausted after today’s episode would be saying the least.

    I used to be a completely happy person, a person who didn’t over think things, a person who didn’t start dwelling in darkness when I was on my own for a while. For the most part people have been supportive but sadly a lot of people play doctor or therapist and think they know what’s best for you even though they don’t understand the full scale of depression. I had somebody tell me that I said the same thing to them months ago. And…? If depression was something I could rid myself of with the snap of my fingers, hell, I’d snap my fingers right off!

    Anyway, I just wanted to say to anybody out there dealing with this depression bastard, we will be okay. Think about it… when we were born, we weren’t born depressed. It’s only as we start getting older, that some of us start spending more time in our own heads and a lot of the time we think unrealistic and exaggerated thoughts. If you know why you’re depressed, think to yourself, “Am I really alone in this? Do I honestly believe there aren’t other people out there today feeling exactly the same way I do?”

    Jenny, you have lots of people who adore you and admire you. Thanks for being real and thank you for helping those of us suffering deal with it together.

  249. Millions of hugs, a properly made cup of tea, a foot rub, and some peace and quiet are my wishes for you.

    Depression lies. Hang in there.

  250. Thank you for being so honest and open about your struggles with depression. I’ve recently been diagnosed with it myself, and reading your blog has given me a lot of strength and encouragement. It seems so trite to say something like “hang in there,” but I hope that your time in the hole is brief. Hold onto the fact that you are beautiful and truly loved.

  251. You’re awesome (PS: The pictures are FANTASTIC)! And if you LOVE Sherlock series 1, series 2 comes out in the U.S. in May.

    Can’t wait for your book to come out. I’m itching to get it in my hands.

  252. Shaking Big Shiny Silver Poms Poms of support for you! Adore you and your awesome pictures…