Guess what?

Go out and buy every copy that you can find.  For America.

Or for Canada.

Or for…wherever you live.

Seriously, you’re my only hope.

UPDATED:  Holy shit.  This is in People Magazine…

I suspected this is all just fever dreams from the coma I’m obviously in, but this pretty much proves it.  I’ll miss you all when I come out of this coma.

475 thoughts on “OMG IT’S HERE, YOU GUYS

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Awooooo!
    I’m very excited for you. Mine should be coming to the UK before too long – very much looking forward to it. 😀

  2. I am so very proud of you! Mine should arrive today and I can’t wait!

  3. I’m impatiently waiting for my NOOK to realize that your book is officially on sale and that it can change the status from “pre-ordered” to “reading”. more proof that the internet is becoming self aware and trying to take over the world!

  4. Woo!

    Available in the UK too – grabbing the Kindle edition right now. May have to get a hard copy too 🙂

  5. I’m buying two for Ireland.
    Because one isn’t enough to save this country.

  6. It’s ok Princess Leia-Jenny. . .Obi-Wan/your followers. . .are here to help!

  7. Come in! Finally it’s out! Congrats! Will absolutely grab a copy of that. The video is sickly awesome^^

  8. Bought it! Yay for the Kindle! Otherwise I would have had to wait a month for the stupid U.K. publishers to catch up.

  9. Mine has arrived via Kindle in Australia – perhaps I’m the first! See you at the Blue Willow in Houston next week – boob signing optional.

  10. Just waiting till I get home to download it to my nook. It’s been preordered for weeks!

  11. My bookplate got here on Monday, my book (fingers crossed!) gets here today – squee!!!

  12. Love your knock knock jokes! My copy just shipped and I got my signed book plate. Thanks for being so awesome!

  13. Why didn’t Amazon ship it so it would arrive today?!?!? I’ve got my nameplate and now I just need my book to put it in! Argh! I hate waiting!!!

  14. OMG. I’m stopping reading for the night but only because I’m crying from laughter, my battery is dying, and laughter is waking everyone else up, even the cat. I love the book it is even more awesome than I could of ever imagined. Thank you.

  15. I preordered a copy from B&N (and paid for it with Christmas lights – best payment method ever) so that should be coming this afternoon. However, I plan on being first in the store at my local Barnes & Noble. Not only will I take pics of the LPTNH display but I plan on making sure that the book is in a good location with great exposure. If this means shoving a Nora Roberts book over to the side, so be it…

    Then I will buy the first copy of the day and I shall dance jubilantly (in my head). Wish that I could be in NYC to see you and the very not empty card table that you will be sitting at. Have them set one up in the ladies as well, just in case. Have fun today!!

  16. Today is my daughter’s 3rd birthday. She also decided that, her birthday, she wanted to wake up at 4:30 am to watch a movie. The first thing I did was check to make sure the Kobo store had released it. I have good priorities. Now that I have my book, I’m going back to sleep. 🙂

  17. Stumbled into the bathroom to get ready for work at dark o’clock and grabbed the Kindle. Woke up SO fast when I realized that cause I prepaid for the book it SHOWED UP ON MY KINDLE THIS MORNING. It’s like it KNEW I was going to need something to wake me up today. And now I’m late for work. Gee thanks Jenny. (Actually seriously thanks – work stinks this week anyway!)

  18. Congratulations! I’ve got pre ordered copies coming for me and my bestie. Amazon and the delivery guys better be on pointe today. I’m quite certain there are at least a bazillion people who are counting on them not to screw it up. As of right now I still have faith in them. I mean, 5:30am may be a slightly unreasonable expected delivery time. They’ll get here. Right?

  19. This is one of those days I wish I was childless and unemployed so I could stay home and read your book without anyone bothering me. Congrats!

  20. That’s my favorite youtube video in the history of youtube videos. Totally made me laugh out loud. Which is an accomplishment at 5:00am. Jenny, you make the world more furiously happy. I asked for your book for my upcoming birthday. If I don’t get it for said birthday, I will buy it for my own damn self. Just so you know.

  21. Congratulations! I ordered it yesterday, couldn’t believe it’s available in Italy!

  22. Amazon says it’s “Shipping Soon.” I WANT IT NOW!!!! 🙂 Congrats and I’m sure your book tour will be a huge success!

  23. My husband Jay (who I call J for short) just caught me dancing with excitement in the kitchen. I have the name finally came!!!!!!!!

    I have vodka snow cones waiting for your masterpiece to arrive. Longest wait ever.

  24. Downloading from Audible right now! I can’t wait to hear your beautiful voice! Any drinking games I can prepare for? I hope I can drink every time you say fuck and be plastered.

  25. Furiously happy for you! Furiously happy for myself, too since I will soon be the proud owner of the best damn book ever written. Woooo!!!

  26. I’ve never been so glad to have a Kindle or be unemployed. Not only do I NOT have to schlep to a bookstore, I can spend all day reading the Gospel According to Bloggess. ALL DAY.

  27. Eeeeee!!!!! *runs through house flapping Muppet arms* Amazon had better be delivering that puppy today!

  28. I ordered it from Amazon in November. I got the book plate yesterday. Now all I need is a book to go with it.

  29. Eagerly awaiting my overseas pre-order!! Best news I’ve heard today 😀 Congrats on finally getting it out!

  30. Why oh why does the UK have to be so far away from Texas? (Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever had *that* emotion before…)
    Can’t wait for my copy to arrive. Will be keeping a proper British stiff upper lip until then.

  31. The library called today, I am first! Get to pick it up tomorrow.
    Wait, that would techincally be yesterday and today. Who gives a shit, I get to read your book!!!

    (This is the witchy Julie, in case the tag line/blog title didn’t give it away.)

    Congratulations, AGAIN!

  32. UPS man usually shows up here around 10:00 am, that’s when hang my “On a conference call” sign and shut my office door for the rest of the day.

  33. YAY…I woke up to find my “copy” on my Kindle!!!!

    I can’t wait to get started…no work will get done today… =/… = )

  34. Yay, book day! I have to wait until the Blue Willow signing to buy the book(can’t afford 2 copies). I will be paying full price which puts more money into the Mounted Animal Rescue Fund(that’s a thing, right?).

  35. My bookplate is sitting here awaiting the arrival of its master Hope the kids can make their own lunch (and dinner) today. Mama’s going to be reading.

    (and many, many congratulations!)

  36. So… umm… I’m totally saving my change so I can fly down to Miami for the day before my Birthday for the 5/4 signing in Coral Gables. If there’s not a photo op and a signed book in my hands by the time I go home, I may or may not cry. It’s (almost) my Birthday and I’ll cry if I want to? Can’t wait to get my hands on a copy so I can actually read it before meeting you!

  37. I bought mine. I’m also buying another for a giveaway winner. (Sorry, you missed my repeated tweets to come over and win…)


  38. Woo hoo! Mine was delivered to my Kindle at 12:30 a.m.! Work? What work? This day should be a holiday.

  39. My schedule today has an hour blocked off to specifically go buy your book.

    You are going to be on the NYT best seller list FOR SURE! Congrats! You made it!

  40. Seriously considering uploading it to my Nook right now because I can’t wait two and half more hours for the mail to come. Decisions, decisions…

  41. I got the bookplate yesterday. I have to admit that when I saw the Penquin return address, I thought maybe (in a very small portion of my heart that thinks I can write) that one manuscript that never got a response…oh well. Heehee…Can’t wait to get the shipping notice. Cause I got myself a hard copy AND a signed bookplate!

  42. I’m already devouring it on my Kindle. Just finished the part with the cow and your arm.
    And … is it wrong, that I kinda want a magic squirrel now?

  43. Got mind via Kindle this morning. After some confusion about my credit card payment. WTF AMAZON! It’s the same card you didn’t have an issue with last week. Several minutes and some harsh language later and BINGO!

  44. I’ve been checking my PO Box mail everyday for about two weeks hoping that it would arrive early.
    Today, I didn’t check. 🙁
    I’m gonna leave super early for work tomorrow and hope that somehow, even though it only just came out, that’ll be in my mailbox through some kind of time travel/magic/jetson type travel tube thing, given im on the otherwise of the world.
    And now I’ll stop.

  45. I can’t buy it until this evening but that’s because I’m on a train to NYC to meet you at the Barnes & Noble on E 86th St! It will be worth the wait…

  46. Mine was delivered to my kindle this morning. EEEEEEEEEE! And I was really excited a few days ago when I got my book plate. Thanks Jenny!

  47. Just got the email from Barnes and Noble that it’s ready to download for my NOOK! I pre-ordered and have been waiting ever so patiently! CAN’T WAIT TO GET HOME! CONGRATS!!!!!!

  48. I <3 you, Jenny Lawson.

    And I don't mean that in any kind of awkward, creepy, lecherous or otherwise inappropriate way. I also don't mean that I like you less than the number 3. You just rock.

    I'mma head to the book store today and say, "Knock, knock, motherfuckers. Where's Jenny's book?"

  49. Bought your book first thing this morning. I have barely started and am laughing so loud my dog is frightened! So funny and a terrific way to start the day!

  50. Congratulations, Lady, you certainly spent a lifetime earning it

  51. My copy came through iTunes at 11:20pm EST…so much for getting any kind of sleep. I’m half way through this incredibly heart wrenching, hilarious book. My fuckery is seeming oh so boring compared to the fabulous Mz. Lawson. Thank you so much for this labor of love, give Victor a huge hug cause he deserves one as well.

  52. Oh the joy this morning while watching my Kindle download your book. I honestly wish I had called in sick to work today so that I can read it all today. Shhh, don’t say anything . . . I’m trying to read as much as I can while at the office today.

  53. Amazon has already told me it has been shipped and should be here today or tomorrow. Still haven’t gotten the plate-thingy, but I don’t care as long as my book gets here. Soon!

  54. hmm would it be OK to take it along to the visitation I have to go to tonight? I mean they did put my B-I-L in his fav jersey so giggling in the corner reading my book should be OK, right?

  55. Just finished it. Awesome! I laughed so hard I CRIED and woke up a random child! And I just can’t wait to torture my honey by reading excerpts. He was (is) a YR too.

  56. And…bought! Just sad that I can’t make it into the city to see you tonight!!!

    Now I just have to convince my husband that it is perfectly acceptable to read at the zoo today, lol.

  57. Bookplate is stuck to the back of my Kindle and I await seeing it in my Library! WOOT WOOT! Let the crazy commence!

  58. AHHHHHHHHHHH! Jenny! This is all so exciting! I might pass ou

  59. So excited! I got my book plate in the mail on Friday and have been dying to get the actual book. Congratulations!

  60. So excited! I pre ordered a LONG time ago and your book
    Will be at my door TODAY!!!!

  61. That means mine will arrive today!!!! Then I can put my exceptionally awesome autographed bookplate in it, and I’ll have something to read that will get me through my grueling treadmill time!!! I’m so excited for you! WOOHOOO !!!

  62. Woke up this morning to an email letting me know that my e-copy was downloaded to my Nook while I slept! Heading out on my lunch break to buy hard copies for all of my friends. Congratulations!!

  63. Jenny, I hope you read this comment. People Magazine, holy wow.

    I was thinking about you since your Amelia post on Oprah’s site.

    I was thinking how much you would have missed if you wouldn’t have found that bravery to fight for yourself.

    I think of all I’ve missed b/c of my anxiety.

    But I’m going to push myself by saying Jenny is my Amelia.

    Thank you.

    Life, it shouldn’t be missed.

  64. I woke up to a WONDERFUL surprise! My copy arrived sometime in the night to my Kindle. I can barely contain my excitement. Now to try and read at work and NOT get fired….oh whatever, work shmerk.

  65. It was like christmas on my kindle this morning! The book was on it!!! Can’t wait to read it! CONGRATS!

  66. Bookplate is patiently awaiting the Amazon delivery man, though if it shows up faster on my Kindle, I may support the economy and buy it there, too!
    You are TRULY, reallysweartogodnoreallyImeanit TRULY an inspiration. BRAVO!!!!!!!

  67. I pre-ordered it a month ago… I’m reading it right now… at work.. I couldn’t. Wait. So far, it’s FUCKING fabulous. <3

  68. What a journey this has been, I got my book plate and am eagerly awaiting my book. Congratulations!!!!

  69. Mine popped onto my Kindle just after midnight. Happy birthday to me!

  70. Downloading to e-reader, because I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE BOOKSTORE TO OPEN..

  71. Jenny, you deserve this and SO much more. So, so, so proud of you! Congratulations! I predict this will be on the Best Seller list very soon.


  72. When the door bell on the video went, my dog started barking her head off…so I played it a couple more times just for kicks. Knock Knock Motherfucker!

  73. I’m going to buy my copy this week and put food out for the kids and husband in a giant bowl. They are on their own for chow while I read this.

  74. Congrats! My wife’s been saying she wants a copy for a while now. I guess it’s time we ordered one.

  75. I woke up at 2:00 am to start reading it. Not sure what that says about me but I’m pretty sure you should take it as a compliment! So far I’ve almost peed my pants 4 times.

  76. I was so happy when I got an email from Amazon telling me they had delivered my pre-ordered copy of your book! And then they didn’t send it…. And it was after midnight so I went to sleep but figured out how to manually send it myself this morning. I was cracking up just reading your intro so I’ll have to leave this at home or I will get nothing done at work today. I’m going to buy copies and send them to all my family.
    I love you Jen!

  77. Can’t wait to read it. I know it is going to be wonderful! Congrats! Also- I loved the pics of the alligators that you recently got as a gift- they are super duper cute. Congrats again!

  78. I can’t actually watch that video at work because it’s blocked but I’m sure it’s amazeballs!! WHOOP!!

  79. Congratulations! I am super stoked to get my copy & drink it in…yes of course I will have a vodka tonic with it, or a Captain…oh hell, both! You’re a rockstar, you keep me entertained and for that, I will follow you endlessly!

  80. 4 stars in People! HOLY CRAP!!!!!!! AMAZEBALLS! Congrats to you Jenny! Can’t wait to read it.

  81. I’m waiting for Amazon to get off their butts and ship mine. I’m beyond excited. My signed bookplate arrived last week. I can’t wait to stick it in!! (Did that sound gross?)

  82. I’m perched at the door, ever so impatiently, waiting for the delivery man.

  83. Mine arrived YESTERDAY! It was all I could do NOT to tear into it right away. It’s end-of-the -semester crunch time, so all fun must wait until exams are graded. Phooey.


  84. I got my email that says “your order has shipped.” I need to clean my house so I don’t feel so guilty reading it this weekend… or maybe I won’t. I only recently found your blog. So glad I did. You might just make my childhood look normal. Or not. Would be a tough task. At least we’d be kindred spirits and you’d be the funny I wish I’d gained from my childhood.

  85. I am going crazy waiting for my pre-ordered book to arrive!!!!! So freaking happy for you. I really wish I could be in NY tonight but it just isn’t gonna work out. So much love to you, and much success!! xoxoxo

  86. Mine is scheduled for delivery today. Look out police officer trying to meet you quota, I am on a mission to get home ASAP after work 😀

  87. Your book is a bestseller BEFORE it is released. You are way past needing us. But we’re here anyway, because you. complete. us. and we are all doing our own personal happy dances for you, in cubicles and kitchens across America. *slow clap*

  88. Got the book plate on Saturday, and Amazon just emailed me yesterday to say the book is coming to my house! Thinking of staying home from work till it arrives… THANKS for enriching my life, JL! Love love love.

  89. Finally got off my butt and ordered it, and cannot WAIT to receive it – I’m in Aus, so should arrive in time for my birthday in May. Well done, your writing is a hoot AND passionate, you are worthy of so much praise for even attempting this. As a fellow rheumy, I adore your efforts. xxxx

  90. Omigosh omigosh. Woke this AM to message from Amazon that my Kindle preorder was fulfilled. LOOKIT THIS, I HAVE IT! So psyched and can’t wait to get home from my stupid job – which I guess did techically allow me to BUY the book so it can’t be all bad – so I can read it!

    Have fun at the book signings. Can’t get to NYC today (again with the job) but my thoughts are with you!

  91. So excited for you! I will always always remember you whenever I hear the phrase, “Knock, knock, Motherfucker.” Be proud! Thanks for sharing your insanity with the world. I have laughed out loud many times due only to you. And I can’t WAIT for my book to come in!!! Congrats, Jenny! (You look SO much sweeter than you write. hahahaha)

  92. I got my bookplate yesterday and now I’m just waiting to get my book in today so I can stick it in upside down somewhere. I am so excited I can’t sleep and I really need to. I am three days into a depressive phase and looking forward to being furiously happy in short order even if my brain hates me and is a lying bastard. <3

  93. Mine has been pre-ordered for months and Amazon has yet to ship it out… This is ridiculous. The estimated delivery date is between the 20th-23rd. I’m too impatient for all this waiting. I’m an American, damn it. I require instant gratification. I may just give in and order a kindle version, too… We’ll see.

  94. This must be some fever dream! I just got my email confirmation that your book is on its way to my house! SOOOO excited to review it on my website! :oD

  95. I’m going to be checking the mail daily until I get it. Hopefully it will come today, but I think it might just be shipping today. 🙁 I’m so happy for you, though! Having a book out is huge. I just wish I could make it to your New York book tour stop. I hope it’s amazing, and I hope you sign a lot of boobs!

  96. This couldn’t happen to a kinder, more generous person. Enjoy every minute of this success — we are all so happy for you!

  97. Well, if we _are_ all part of your coma dream, may I say with all sincerity that I hope you never wake up! At least, not until I’ve finished your book.

    …and seen all of the Hunger Games Movies.

    …and been to Madagascar

    …and had a light lunch with Felicia Day

    …so yeah, don’t wake up.

  98. Your book arrived on my Kindle this morning!! I left my Kindle at home on purpose since I’m at work and I’m supposed to be working on reports & stuff. Good intentions and all that, but then I remembered that I can just click over to Amazon and read it from there….

  99. I had to put the book down to go to bed since I work, but I woke the dog up a couple times. Unlocked for me at 1234 am, and I went to sleep at 3. I had just made it to the proposal when I fell asleep.

    It’s been great.

  100. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, congratulations!!!! My bookplate came last week (I did a little happy dance and immediately sent a photo of it – the bookplate, not the happy dance – to my boyfriend) and my book will be here soooooooooooooon! Go you!! 🙂

  101. Just cancelled my order for the paperback, which wouldn’t arrive for another month!

    Ordered the Kindle version instead, which is now sitting on my desk. 🙂


  103. Can hardly wait for my copy to arrive. Pre-ordered it ages ago. Amazing that you are having so much success just by being you. Congrats! Awoooooooooo!

  104. I’m loitering near the mailbox all day while trying to decide which will go best with your book…red or white because I’m definitely hiding in my room with a glass (bottle) of wine and your book tonight!

  105. I got the notice yesterday that Amazon was shipping my copy! CAN.NOT.WAIT only I don’t think mine will end up on the doorstep quite like yours did…..KNOCK, KNOCK!!!!! ROFLMAO!!!

  106. I’m so pumped! My copy shipped this morning!

    My mom, sister and I can’t wait. We would have bought three copies but we are kinda poor.

    But this one copy will be LOVED. Not like that…okay, maybe like that. Just a little.

  107. This book cannot arrive at my door soon enough!!!!!! I am so excited for you!!! And I received my bookplate on Saturday!!!!!

  108. Yay, grats Jenny! It got a good review in People, too (apparently)!

    I have my Kindle edition as on 12:15 this morning, and I’m waiting for my physical copy to arrive today, I’m way excited. 😀

  109. i cannot wait until i get it when i come home!! i am so reading it today. 🙂

  110. So excited and Happy for YOU! Perhaps even enough to leave the house and go to the bookstore! I like to pick “my copy” from the selection on the actual bookshelf.

  111. I eagerly downloaded my pre-ordered copy to my Kindle first thing this morning. (Never did figure out how to get my free bookplate, what a bummer.) I’ve read a couple of chapters already — while sitting out on my screen porch — and I think my neighbors are wondering why I’m laughing hysterically when I’m clearly alone.

  112. Yay! *does happy dance* That means that in about 6 weeks’ time it’ll be in my mail box way up here in my land of faraway(I know this isn’t a real word, but it ought to be, cause it sort of says it all, right?) That is when I’ll be doing the furiously happy dance 🙂

  113. At 8:40 last night someone pounded on my door. It was a delivery guy and he handed me your book. It was so weird (the delivery not the book). Then, once I started reading, I was delighted to find the book was just as full of delightful weirdness as the late-night delivery!

  114. So so happy for you! And for me! Cuz I preordered and it is supposed to arrive today! And my sister totally loves me more because I bought her your book for her birthday! And, we’re both coming to see you in Fairview for the boob signing!

  115. This post just made me cry. I just feel so proud of you. I know that’s weird and stalker-ish, but this is AWESOMESAUCE!

  116. Got my copy yesterday (and my book plate a few days ago). Started it yesterday. Awesome. So far, only one question: Did you dad actually have Irritable Bowel Syndrome, or did he just eat too much roadkill?

  117. Woot! Woot! Congratulations! I just bought and downloaded to my Kindle. I can’t wait to start reading!

  118. Giant shit-eating grin came across my face this morning when I saw the Amazon preorder receipt show up in my inbox!! Clearing my afternoon so that I can consume this all in one day!

  119. I already devoured it. Finished on Monday My husband kept wondering why I kept laughing, he was trying to figure out what the hell I was reading.

    So I read him parts, and HE died laughing.
    Planning on buying a copy for a wedding gift.


  120. I KNOW! I got the notice this morning letting me know my nook book has arrived!! Now I just have to plow through my not-Bloggess-book and move on!

  121. Congratulations! I was late to work because I couldn’t stop reading it this morning. Thanks for that, I think.
    So wish I could come to a signing. Meanwhile, I have my signed note (thanks) and I’ll just have to tape it to my kindle. Enjoy this moment, you deserve it!!!

  122. So, if I were to order this, do you think the delivery guy would ring my doorbell and say “knock knock, motherfucker”? You should get your own army of delivery people to do just that. But, I might ask my librarian to say it when I check the book out…

  123. My phone chirped in the middle of the night to let me know my Amazon order had posted – so awesome when i remembered what the hell that was about. Turned on the light and read ’til daylight.

  124. Woke up this morning to find an email from BN…. Who doesn’t love waking up to an auto download of the Blogess on their Nook? Congrats Jenny and thanks for all of the laughs!

  125. Go Bloggess! Big congrats – can’t wait to listen to the audio version (I think I saw something about an audio version anyway – if not – there should be one!)

  126. One of my (many) life plans is to write really cheesy raunchy romance novels, but I’d have to do it under a pseudonym. Way to write a book that you want to claim as your own!

  127. I was so excited this morning as your where waiting in my kindle to be downloaded!! Cannot wait to read it!

  128. My Grama is sending mine as soon as it arrives at her house (though I told her to read it first). This means it should arrive just in time for my finals to be over. Reading it right away + not failing my stupid expensive classes= awesome sauce.

  129. Am I the only one who got an empty envelope from Penguin Publishing that should have contained a nameplate? Probably, sounds about like my luck.

  130. You had me at page 1.
    Go Jenny! World domination next (if the Zombies don’t interfere. Fucking zombies.”

  131. I pre-ordered a copy – hope it comes today!!!

    I never did order a book plate, but I’d like one. Is it too late for that?

  132. I GOT MY SIGNED BOOKPLATE!!!! Woooooo hooooo! I can’t wait for the actual book. I may just hyperventilate and pass out. I’m so happy for you Jenny!

    PS I loved the CNN interview and how clueless the interviewer was about what you do.

  133. I cannot wait until my book arrives! I’ve lost count how many times I’ve looked at the tracking information, silently willing it to update. You deserve all the recognition – you are amazing!

  134. It’s on it’s way and coming with me on my birthday cruise to Bermuda. Weeeeee!

  135. I thought we were doing it for the puppies?

    Congrats!!! I can’t wait for my copy!!!!!

  136. My husband received his bookplate in the mail the other day and was absolutely giddy over it. I think he’s been hanging out at home so he doesn’t miss the actual delivery of the book! We are both huge fans, but I think YOU are his celebrity crush! Thank you for adding your unique brand of humor to our lives. Keep on living the life!

  137. I preordered my Kindle version and will down load it to my kindle tonight. I have already plannned on reading it next weekend whilst sitting beside the pool at at the hotel in Las Vegas, sipping some exotic drink from a pineapple. Cheers

  138. I started reading my Kindle version this morning on the subway and almost missed my stop. Which is particularly ridiculous since it’s GRAND CENTRAL STATION. So wonderful! I may have to stop even pretending to work today so I can keep reading.

    Congratulations on publication day!

  139. Already reading my Kindle version! I love it and you are awesome. But we knew that. Congratulations!


  140. Congratulations! I’m expecting my copy to be waiting by my front door when I get home from work. I will lovingly affix the signed book plate, and clasp the book to my bosom, sighing happily.

  141. I woke up to a “shipped” email from Indigo Book. Soooooo excited and so excited for you!!!!

  142. Already reading my Kindle version! I love it and you are awesome. But we knew that. Congratulations!


  143. Awesome work Jenny! I have so thoroughly enjoyed it and will be telling my friends to buy copies anywhere they can! I am doing my Canadian duty! 😀

  144. Awww….I’m so happy this day is finally here! I’m waiting for my book to arrive and then quickly packing it in my carry on for my flight to the states next month! It’s been my sole ray of light at the end of this dark tunnel that has been my life the past 2 months (my life’s not bad, but getting ready to move a family plus 2 cats from Japan to Maryland is overwhelming). This book is my reward for not going to jail!!
    Congrats on the big day!!

  145. Mine is being delivered by Amazon today, if it doesn’t get there I’m taking someone’s head off at Amazon. BTW, offer still stands, let me know if you want to go to Disney. We’ll go on a slow day!

  146. Can’t wait!! Mine is on its way! See ya Friday night, near San Francisco! I’ll also be bringing my stolen bible from the hotel in which I’ll be staying!!

  147. OK – I am not waiting for the hard copy to come to my door. I’m going to order it for my Kindle RIGHT NOW. It’s probably just as well anyway. The hard copy is going to my mom, and I’d hate to have jam, ketchup and coffee stains all over it before she got it.

    Congratulations, Jenny! I am so happy for you!

  148. It is wonderful to see that you’re being acknowledged for being you.

    It gives me hope that one day I may do the same.

    Congrats, Jenny. You deserve to be furiously happy. Whether it’s on CNN or in a bathroom.

  149. It was on my Kindle when I woke up today!!! Happy Happy Happy!!! Cant wait! … I didnt get my bookplate… or an invisible book plate… and your not coming anywhere close enough to me to sign my Hoo Hahs….. Im thinking of throwing a tea party and breaking up with you when you dont show up…

  150. Delivery status……out for delivery 6:20am………hopefully will have it by noon….

  151. I GOT MY COPY YESTERDAY!! Started reading it this morning before work and have already laughed out loud! I can’t wait to get home and finish reading and am really wondering why I didn’t bring it to work with me and just read all day long…I guess people would ask questions if I was laughing to myself all day.

  152. How exciting, Jenny! Fabulous review in People, perfect book trailer, and even before I read it, I know it’s a dynamite book. Can’t wait to get it!

    There’s no better medicine for RA or depression than sheer, blissful, utterly happy exhilaration! 😀


  153. Look at you in People. I also heard you were in O magazine as well. Heading out to buy your book today. Congratulations! You are a inspiration to bloggers everywhere.

  154. It downloaded to my Kindle this morning, which is a damn good thing because I just finished all three Hunger Games books and was in need of something to read. I owe an apology to my fellow riders of the Red Line train this morning – I had trouble stifling my giggles and now they all think I’m weird. Also? I have a photo of my sister and me as little tots, posing next to my dad and a strung-up deer he shot and had “cleaned”. He must have been so proud. *gag*

  155. WooHoo!! Congratulations! You deserve all the success! I can’t wait for the UPS man to get here with my copy. There will be no productivity at work today!

  156. Just sent it to my Kindle. Unfortunately my kindle is at home. I think I should leave work soon.


  157. Thought you’d like to know: my audiobook arrived in my mailbox in Canada yesterday.

    Loving it!

  158. Woo hoo Jenny! Congrat’s! My bookplate arrived but the book won’t be here until Friday and People won’t be out until Thursday here. It’s a conspiracy I tell you! Screw it, I’m downloading the digital version today, I can’t wait! So wish I could get to one of your book signings. You, totally rock it all.

  159. Congratulations Jenny!

    Good luck on your book tour. I hope you have everything in place that will help you personally during your tour.

  160. I already read an advance copy thanks to a bookstore-workin’ friend, but I’m still gonna go out at lunch today and buy the real deal. Whoo-hoo! Congrats on the excess of awesomeness!

  161. Can I have it the giant cardboard display when your tour is done? There are so many wonderfully naughty things I’d do to that mouse.

    Like cut him out and chase my cats around. Why? What did you think I meant. Sickos, all of you. Cheese and crackers people!!!

  162. You’re also in this month’s “O” Magazine (Oprah)! My copy of the book gets here today! Eeeeeek! Congratulations!

  163. Im so excited to get back from classes and open the copy thats sitting on my porch! Congrats and thank you for making me laugh so hard that I cry and don’t get any work done!

  164. Really annoyed at Amazon…I preordered in February and they are saying my book has not shipped yet and should be expected anytime next week between Monday and Friday. Why did I pre-order it? Tempted to cancel the order and buy the kindle version, but then what will I do with my awesome autographed name plate?

  165. Downloaded it as soon as it was available…iBooks beat out Amazon; those morons still had it for pre-order! I stayed up too late reading and hyperventilating. Your book almost caused an asthma attack. Good job!

  166. I was SOOOOOO EXCITED to get my downloard today! Congratulations Jenny! Ur pure awesomeness! So believe it gurl!

  167. Mine just showed up at my front door! (I’m pretty sure I heard the Amazon delivery guy said, “Knock, Knock, Motherfucker.” under his breath as he dropped it off!)

  168. Your pic, name, and whole shootin’ match is above and way bigger than Glenn Close, _but still on the same page_. Chew on that for a little bit. 🙂

    Glad you’re enjoying the fun!!

  169. I was taking a “break” at work, and got busted because I couldn’t stop laughing. I’m like 10 pages in, and about to tell my boss that I don’t care it’s tax day, I have WAY more important things to do than file tax returns! Love it so far, and if I can just make it through today, I bet I finish it before bed tonight.

  170. I got my shipping notice from Amazon yesterday, mine will be here today!! I see a very unproductive afternoon in my future 🙂

  171. I’m having a crappy depression day, but smiled when I saw the email from Yahoo saying they sent your book to my Kindle. Can’t wait for the work day to end!

  172. Dear Jenny,
    I think I just strained a muscle on my right side because there are plumbers at my house, and I was trying to laugh quietly at Stanley, the Magical Talking Squirrel chapter. Now my problem is this: I really want to read that chapter to my husband, but he will only indulge me like that, if I first indulge his desire to get some bookie…and I am afraid it’s going to hurt because of the strained muscle. Now what?

    P.S. You and your book are the most awesome person/thing combination ever.

  173. Congrats to you. Nice to see you make some change for being totally AWESOME!! I look forward to getting a copy and helping you accumulate some wealth. lol

  174. I downloaded it onto my Kindle Fire @ work and now I can’t stop reading it. I’ve got the kindle hidden under a mound of paperwork I’m suppose to be doing because that’s what I’m paid to do but I can’t stop reading your book because it’s hysterical and makes my jacked-up childhood seem so freaking normal.

  175. Finally, the day I dubbed Best Book Day Ever has arrived. Soon I will have yours and the newest volume of Walking Dead. See, when my husband preordered your book for me he also purchased Walking Dead Volume 15 except he didn’t check the shipping option that sends items as they are ready and instead left the group my items into as few packages as possible option checked which resulted in us having to wait for your book before getting Walking Dead. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy and so disappointed at the same time regarding the purchase of books. Now that your book is officially out, I’m just happy because both will be waiting at home when I get off work. Best book day ever!

  176. I’m so excited for you!
    It’s not a dream, it’s a dream come true, there’s a big difference there.
    Love the knock knock video.

    P.S.: Can’t wait to get my copy, which according to Amazon, should be here next week.

  177. I am SO excited to pick up your book today from my local Target, using a gift card (since my employment situation has been SO horrendous that I don’t even have pocket money to spend on myself and YOU)… is there any way to get a signed bookplate, with evidence that I own the book “now”?

    You inspire me, Jenny. I refer ALL of my Facebook friends to you on a constant basis. I can’t wait for everyone in the world to know you and love you, but from afar, so they don’t kick your anxiety disorder into gear or anything.

  178. Congratulations! I recently finished the book (I won a proof copy from your publisher), and I loved it. You owe me 3.2 pairs of new underwear, btw (from peeing in them, obviously).

    First stop, People Magazine. Next stop, NYT Bestseller List – Nonfiction!

  179. So exciting! Congratulations! You deserve all this and more – your writing is some of the funniest I’ve ever read. I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: thank you for sharing your special brand of weirdness with the rest of us. I can always count on you to put a smile on my face!

  180. Wow. I hope the book I ordered a THOUSAND YEARS AGO isn’t as big as the one at your door. Otherwise, my postal person will go postal and also get a hernia. I’m SO excited to get this book. Congratulations on all the great press on your 10 year effort. You are amazeballs!

  181. I purchased and it should be waiting on my Kindle when I get home! Excited to read!

  182. AAAAARRRRGGGGG! Mine won’t be here until Friday, April 20th! Because I live in Bumfuck, Egypt!!!!! I ordered a “real” book instead of the Nook version, so I could put my bookplate in it. I was so excited when I got that in the mail last week:) Can’t wait!

  183. Vodka snow cones!!! Yummmmmm
    Got my copy through iBooks and can’t wait to start reading. I will see you in Miami and my best friends will be at the B&N in NYC tonight, so you will definitely NOT be at the table alone 😉
    Congratulations and thank you!

  184. Very excited for you! You’re living the dream!! Can’t wait to read it. Really hope you enjoy your tour – HAVE FUN!!

  185. YAY! I got my book today from Amazon 😀

    Also already go my lovely signed bookplate – Thanks Jenny!… Dumb question, where’s the best place to put a bookplate? Inside front cover? Back Cover? Middle of page 52?

  186. I got a receipt from Amazon today! I better go turn the WiFi on my Kindle!!!

  187. Mr. Amazing just told me i was so excited it was like a holiday… seriously?? Since he isnt as excited as I am… Im not buying him a copy…. Im going to buy a copy for someone who would appreciate it on my site

  188. That would be surreal. I would suggest just start wearing sunglasses in all your pics, you know, because I’ve heard fame’s a mess. Congrats!

  189. Amazon has told me it should arrive today. . . My book plate arrived last week which has only made the anticipation that more intense.

  190. Oh, and you should have warned me that the first video started with a door bell….because my dogs just flipped the EFF out and ran to the door frantically.

  191. I am literally on my way out the door RIGHT NOW to buy every copy in sight!! Or, just one, both because I’m poor and because I want the book burners to have at least a few available to them… if it’s gonna fuel a fire, IT’LL BE A DAMN BIG FIRE.

  192. I can’t remember the last time I have been this excited to see the mail man. Seriously, he’s a dick. And he smells funny, like whiskey and cheese before noon, funny.
    Anyways, HELL YES on being in People!! That must put the surr in surreal. Or something like that. 😀

  193. I started reading this last night before bed. When I got to the list of things your father said versus what they actually meant I tried to read it to my husband and literally could not even speak – I was laughing so hard I was crying! And those turkeys….OMG!

  194. So I have already bought the kindle version and the audio version. I guess I should buy the paper version as well. Congrats on your success so well deserved, and profound gratitude for the way you have touched so many lives!

  195. My amazon pre-order just arrived. Jenny, IT IS BEAUTIFUL. You should be so proud. I can’t wait to read it!

  196. Received the email late last night from Amazon that mine shipped. This must all be so surreal!!

  197. I preordered the Kindle edition, so when I turned on my Kindle this morning…there it was! Like Santa had delivered it overnight! And since my son is home sick from school, I’m home from work and get to start reading. Thank you 102 degree fever!

  198. Got my book today! Found my signed bookplate the other day (I’m pretty sure my husband was hiding it from me…) But I can’t post the photo on your fb page 🙁 I made a Jean Louise bookmark!

  199. I want to get to NYC today, but I can’t make it. I just wanted to tell you that I think you are the most awesomesauce in the whole universe and I can’t wait for my book to arrive today. Thanks for being you!

  200. I got your book in the mail today! I’m at work, but I read the introduction really quickly – LOVE LOVE LOVE how you so accurately and cheekily remind people of the process of hilarity and offense. Congratulations!

  201. I have it loaded on my Kindle app for iPad…can’t wait to start reading! Except I have a Masters paper to write about e-books and publishers… wait I must. ARGHHHHH!!!!!

  202. I was Sooooooo excited when the ebook magically appeared on my Kindle at midnight!!!

  203. Im currently stalking the front desk at work waiting for the UPS guy to show and give me my copy. Im so excited. I might have mentioned it to my husband about 7 times already.

  204. I actually stayed up late just so my Kindle could download the book the instant it became available. It was at 12:06 a.m., so my congrats to Amazon for being so quick — they clearly knew how many of us there are who were about to chew our nails off waiting for this HILARIOUS and WONDERFUL book! And now back to reading — I mean, what’s important?

    And I put my book plate on the back of my Kindle for now since I didn’t get a hard copy. Yet. I’m sure it’ll unpeel nicely when the time comes. 🙂

  205. Hahahaha I love their description of you ” She was sort of unstable but in a “At least I remember how pants work”, kind of way. We all do so love you Jenny. Congrats and I know you will be #1 on the best sellers list this week for sure.

  206. Checking online now to see if my local bookstore has it, and I am going to get it. 🙂 I like to buy local which is why I did not preorder online.
    By the by, that inset of you is adorable.

  207. Got my bookplate and am impatiently awaiting the book to be shipped from Amazon. If I knew where their distribution center was, I’d go pick it up myself! 🙂 So excited. Congrats Jenny!

  208. I got my book plate in the mail yesterday. The book is supposed to arrive today. Can’t wait!!!

  209. UPS guy just delivered it from amazon! YES!!!!
    Bookplate in, time to read. Furiously happy!

  210. Funny — I didn’t recognize your picture. Then I realized it’s because you’re not in curlers.

  211. I was very very excited when it magically appeared on my Kindle – yay! And I was planning to save it until I really needed cheering up…. and as it turns out, this morning I got turned down for a job I thought was in the bag. So I’m ready to read it now – cheering up, here I come! (PS Thanks.)

  212. I got a nice surprise on my Kindle this morning! I read the first couple of chapters while waiting in line for lunch.

    First up, let me congratulate whatever person (or possibly AI) that translated text to Kindle so that the footnotes were clickable. That is super awesome. When I read a footnote heavy book without clickable notes, I have to page forward to the note and then painsakingly page back, which is so annoying that I don’t do it. So I usually just read them stacked at the end of the chapter or book and wonder what in hell they related to.

    But most of all, I found what I think is a typo. But it is so unintentionally hilarious that it is better mistyped. (Or more likely, misconverted to Kindle). And if you did this on purpose, then I salute your clever wordplay.

    In I Was A Three Year Old Arsonist, you talk about being in line at the liquor store and wanting to talk about childhoods. Here’s the quote: “Childhood trauma seems like the natural choice, since it’s the reason why most us are in line there to be gin with.” Be gin? Not begin? I think this is a conversion issue with the Kindle because I’ve seen some of these word breaks before, and since “be” and “gin” are both words it doesn’t show up in a spelling check. But since it’s about being in line at the liquor store, and you just mentioned gin a couple pages back, it is all the more funny. The line itself is funny, but the typo is even funnier.

    Either it’s unintended hilarity or intentional wordplay, but either way my fellow lunch-line mates now think I’m weird. Apparantly, busting a gut laughing over seemingly nothing is frowned upon. Who knew? Thanks, Bloggess!

  213. I got the people magazine before I checked my email with your updated blog post. I felt ridiculously cool when I got to the book section. I even said “RIGHT ON, I know about this kick-ass book already People Magazine!” I feel I’m at the point where I will start walking around bragging about you being in People Magazine as if I know you personally.

  214. I had to work really late last night and I was busily working on my last email for the night, when I received a confirmation of a purchase on Amazon. I thought rather irritatedly that it was probably my Kindle ordering Omaha Steaks again. I was DELIGHTED to find out it was your book, ready and waiting for me on my Kindle! I didn’t get to sleep for a couple hours later, and I cannot wait until I can’t quit this work stuff and read some more.

  215. Bought it, for Minnesota and Target. Taking it on a quilt retreat, should be fun!

  216. My copy is sitting on a mail truck somewhere in town enjoying a tour of the city. Sad thing is the mail isn’t delivered to my house until 5pm. Wonder if I can bribe the postal people into telling me which mail truck it’s on? I’d use threats, but they don’t call it “going postal” for nothing. Cupcakes? Alcohol? Hmm.

  217. I bought it for America. And for the Philippines. Because you really need to conquer the Asian market.

    Also, please see if your people can get you into Star or the Inquirer. If it’s not in either of those publications, my parents won’t buy it.


  218. My Kindle downloaded it this morning! Just in time for my bus ride to work where I sometimes encounter creepy hobo types who want to talk to me. Reading your book should send a clear message that I’m fucking busy here and NO I don’t want to talk about your gin shortage problems!!!

    LOVING it so far!!!

  219. My copy just arrived in the mail! My productivity level just plummeted to zero. Goodbye research paper.

  220. Amazon is torturing the early pre-orderers, evidently. Curse you Amazon!
    I squeed like teenage fangirl when I got the bookplate Saturday.
    Hamlet appears to be dotting the “j”, and it’s totally awesome.

  221. Boswell books just called and says my copy is in. Got my bookplate yesterday, so I am all set.

    Also, I sent the word up the chain of command to lay off The Bloggess in the Zompocalypse.

    Unless, of course, you are badmouthing zombies in the book, in which case all bets are off.

  222. I got an excited call this morning from my partner, announcing that her final surprise Xmas present for me had arrived — your book! Then I got to surprise her by telling her that I’d preordered a copy for myself. So now we have 2. Who to gift the magical extra copy to?…..

  223. I started reading it this morning and LOVE it!!! I guess I just have to be careful where I am reading or people are going to wonder why I am laughing hysterically.

  224. So very excited for you, but now the rest of the world can know what the internet already knew… Your awesomeness knows no bounds. You ROCK!!!

  225. I attempted to buy it at Target, but there was just a big empty shelf where they used to be. Apparently, I’m not the only one around here who wanted it. Bloody hell.

  226. Thank you for reminding me – I just ordered a copy. 2 day delivery, since I am impatient – ever since you let us read an excerpt. Now, start working on the sequel – as I know we will all want more, once we finish reading.

  227. Congratulations!!!

    Super Duper Congratulations!!

    No really,


  228. Omg Omg Omg!!! My copy is “Out for Delivery” right now!!! The end of my work day CANNOT come soon enough!!! I’ve had the shittiest last two days, and I’m so happy to finally have huge laughs to look forward to. Thank you so much Jenny for opening up and being you. You’re very much appreciated. 🙂

  229. My library had best hurry. Else I’ll be the last in the know. Will.! hehe
    Congrats on the article…next stop, talk shows! (Oh please, do @craigyferg and give the robot’s voice my number! 😀

  230. Super STOKED for your book to arrived at home. I ready to read!!! 😀 CONGRATS!!

  231. I have this story that I tell about my childhood and living in the closet (not the metaphorical closet I mean a real closet with no windows). I was however allowed to paint it any color I wanted (pink, in case you were curious).

    I use this to explain to people that I am not normal and I have good reasons.

    I just read about your magical squirrel. After I stopped laughing I revisited my pink closet. Now I have always known that my childhood, while not typical, wasn’t that bad but it has now been put into perspective.

    Thank you!

  232. For first time in ages, was glad to wake up at 1:30 AM with insomnia – your book was FINALLY in my kindle. Read from 1:30 to 4:30 and finished it off during lunch, when the hardcover arrived at work. I have 4 more being sent to people who could use a good laugh. LOVE IT. LOVE BLOG. Thank you so much for all you do to spread furious happiness.
    If I ever wake up fully, I’ll try to get up to your signing and buy another one or two at B&N.

  233. I ordered my Kindle edition as soon as I woke up today! Already giggling out loud when I should be working..oops. Congratulations!

  234. Ahhhhhhh! So exciting! And the pic in People is absolutely beautiful!!!! CONGRATS!

  235. Hey, Jenny!

    Big fat huge gigantic high five to you on getting the book out, in People, in the waiting rooms of family therapists everywhere, on the lips of the reading public! I could not be more thoroughly delighted for you.


  236. Just arrived in my library today! I’ve cataloged it and it is now shelved with the new books under B LAWSON. Yay!

  237. This morning when I woke at 5 AM to make a good breakfast for my daughter taking end of course exams I made it a point to turn on my kindle and force it to download the book I have been waiting for! Then I get to work with the full intention of reading the book and these MORONS expect me to actually WORK!

    WTF IDIOTS! I have to read the book of the most functionally dysfunctional awesome person on the freaking planet!


    I love you Jenny! I promise to start reading as soon as these idiots leave me alone! I have end put an electronic bookmark in my book about Henry the 8th because you are so very much cooler!

  238. Do you ever worry that you talk about your book too much? Because you shouldn’t. Worry I mean. Because none of us can get enough of it. Seriously. I love hearing about it and your success makes me incredibly happy and your book is hilarious. I was just thinking that maybe the thought might cross your mind, “am I talking about this book too much” and then answer is “No” and also “I want you to sign my boobs so come to Atlanta.”

    Maybe just one boob.

    Love it!


  239. I’m soooo torn. I want the hardback, but then I have to wait. Whereas, I can just download it to my Nook in two seconds.

    Decisions, decisions…

  240. I’m anxiously awaiting mine! It won’t get here til next week though, stupid APO address. I might have to get it on Kindle too!

  241. Sweet! You got mentioned as the same page as Michael Weatherly! He’s hot, your book is hot… It’s like a full page of hotness!

  242. Happy release day! UPS should be dropping my copy off any time today. Can’t wait to read it!

  243. I wouldn’t ever admit this out loud, however for you my dear Ms. Lawson, I will endeavour – I screamed like a child when I saw my book plate came in the mail.

    What do you suppose will happen when the actual book arrives?

  244. I am so excited to read it! The book just arrived at the perfect time when I am twitching with nervousness, need a distraction, and have read all my other favorite books 86 times so they no longer distract me well. You are my hero!

  245. OMG, your book has me in tears (the good kind). I never heard of Wall Texas, and I have lived in this great state my whole life. In fact, I once had to take a trip to San Angelo for my daughter’s Volleyball State play offs, and when folks asked where the hell that was, I would say if you picked the middle of nowhere in Texas, that’s where it would be. I now stand corrected, it is most definitely Wall, Tx

    This explains a lot, I think I get you now 🙂

    Love your blog and your BOOK!!!
    Still trying to figure out what to do with that signed book sticker you sent, I use my iPad to read books. Will have to think of clever uses….

  246. Favorite line so far (I just started the book): Unless they’re gay. They have gun armories.
    I am probably going to get fired for reading this on my Kindle at work. I can’t wait to get the book is it true if you lick the pages there are drugs in some sections? Just something I heard, or just made up.

  247. Good God Jenny! I just spent 5 min calming my dog the frick down cause he heard the door bell and went APE-SHIT. Sheesh! Warn a girl.

  248. Thank you for writing a book. I had to deal with a bunch of people today who, for lack of a better term, can only be described as douche canoes. To reward myself for not ending up in jail for homicide, I am spending the afternoon reading your book and drinking beer.

  249. My kindle version was available yesterday. I began reading last night. Laughing so much doesn’t help me go to sleep. May have to start reading during work. If I get fired its totally your fault.

  250. Going to stop at the Targets today. I’m going to buy your book, and sneak copies of it in other peoples’ carts. (because that is the right thing to do.)

  251. I got my book! I got my book! The UPS guy just came! I need to go read it… bye!

  252. Dear
    Thank you for delivering Jenny Lawson’s new book today. Next time I order a book, could ya not fuck up the dust cover before I have even opened it up? It’s called bubble wrap you jackasses. This book is going to be a collectors item- I have a bookplate that no else does, some Penguin guys sent it to me . My copy was exclusively signed by Jenny Lawson herself….in blood.

    OK Amazon, I guess I will just “…Pretend This Never Happened.”

    Hugs & stuff,

  253. Just got an email from Amazon telling me mine is on the way (I might have peed a little!) and Saturday I received my signature plate! SOOOO EXCITED!

  254. The UPS man just brought me my copy. I met him at the door, I was so excited (for the book, not the UPS guy)! Can’t wait to get started reading.

  255. I just got an email saying that my copy has been shipped! Congratulations, and I am looking forward to reading it!

  256. So excited for you! I work at B&N and was so excited to put it out this morning. As soon as I can come up with an appropriate, work friendly blurb, it’s going directly on my Staff Reccomendation. I was lucky enough to get an advanced reader copy and, oh man. I laughed. I cried (from laughing). I thought I was going to choke to death (from laughing). I still can’t think of the phrase “deer sweater” without losing it, and the squirrel puppets at work are all named Stanley now.

  257. So the other day I checked my mail and had this little envelope with a picture of a penguin on it. I recognized it as a publisher’s logo and for a second thought, “Holy shit, I’ve been discovered!” Because we all know how publishers like to browse the internet looking for blogs that never get updated, then offer that author a book deal. So I opened the envelope, and there was the tiniest slip of paper inside that might have been a multi-thousand dollar advance. But it wasn’t. “Hmm, I thought, why did J. Lawson sign a sticker with Shakespearean mouse on it and send it to my house?” And then I remembered and rejoiced. Way better than a check for $10,000. Seriously.

    The end.

  258. I GOT IT, I GOT IT, AND YES I AM YELLING!!!! Sending husband off to work and curling up with my book!

  259. I am so stopping after work to get it. For Canada. Can’t wait!! screw going to the gym – this is so much better!

  260. I literally bought it at midnight tonight on my Nook and already have three of my friends wanting to read it. I was getting a lot of strange looks, because apparently most people DON’T giggle near-constantly during math class. Who knew?

  261. I’ve never been happier to live with my UPS guy! He just told me he delivered it at home!!! YAY!!!


    Super happy for you but not Amazon. So excited to get home only to find out Amazon JUST SHIPPED MY ORDER TODAY!

    PS. Kick some book tour ass

  263. TWO copies on my doorstep, PLUS the audio book — my sister-in-law bought one for me, also. Can’t wait to read it.

  264. Got my bookplate, waiting for arrival of book, love you to death. But only in LA are they charging twenty bucks to come see you. I gotta get out of this place…

  265. If this is a coma dream, then many of us are inexplicably in the same coma. On behalf of the others, we respectfully request you not come out of it, lest we be stuck here by ourselves with one less witty voice to help us through.

  266. Got it on my kindle yesterday at the stroke of east coast midnight!
    Have since had Kindle stolen by mother.

    Will think of the proper place to put my signed bookplate next. <3 You're 'mazing.

    Also! TO ANYONE READING THIS! WHAT IS AN APPROPRIATE GIFT FOR MY FATHER as a thank you for… Well. Never doing any of the things in this book? Appreciate that they shaped you but our car hit a cat once when I was fifteen and I cried for a day i think… Everything… You wrote about in here would have ruined me.

  267. Yeah-YUH!
    Unfortunately I am not bright enough to know that pre-ordering means they SHIP it on the release date. Three.More.Days.

  268. DUDE! Just finished your book and it was completely. Made. Of. Awesome. Hillariousness! Laughed my butt off! In public even! Your writing is a perfect trifecta of funny, fabulous and tucked up; in the best possible interpretation of that left handed compliment 😀 Thank you!

  269. Just got notice from that my book has shipped… whoot! I will be the coolest kid in this hick town…

  270. I have only just finished the introduction and I’m already crying from laughing and realized that if I read this on the train ride to work tomorrow I will probably be taken away in a straight jacket. Totally worth it though, plus more quiet time for reading the book!

  271. Just got an email from Amazon my book has been shipped should have it this week!

  272. I’m so f-n mad and pissed and bummed and depressed and any more adjectives you all can think of to add to this. I went to Target today to buy the book and I couldn’t find it anywhere and there was no one to ask either. I guess it was Karma for not ordering from you in the first place Jenny. I’m sorry. Anyway, I also had a chance to go to B&N but I decided Sunday (not remembering the book was out on Tuesday until yesterday) that I was not going to go to the event (not related to your book unfortunately). Anyway, to make a long post shorter, I am still feeling crappy because I had a crappy day AND I didn’t get to buy your book. But you have saved the day as usual Jenny because when I came here to post all that I saw the boobie mushroom post and that was so funny it cheered me right up. Thank you Jenny. Thank you for continuing to do an awesome job of making me smile even when you are not really here but on tour. Would you consider coming to PA?

  273. It’s amazing. You’re amazing! I received my notecard yesterday, and the book today! I can’t wait to be exhausted and mindless tomorrow at work because I spent all night reading your book.

  274. Loving the book so far! I am way past Snausages. Although, oddly now I feel like I want a snack…

  275. Your book sat for about an hour in its neat Amazon packaging before I realized it was probably YOUR BOOK waiting for me. 7 hours and 120 pages in, I have to tell you that my hubby asked me to go to another room because my laughing was distracting him. You are hilarious, this book will be gifted to many people in my life. Just a little thanks for being awesome.

    P.S. Please come to Denver on a book tour, I will be there to embarrass people through my devotion to your hilarity.

  276. I’m only seven pages in, and I’m already cracking up. Well done!
    (My only real goal for the night is to NOT keep myself up all night reading. No offense, but I only slept for about 2 hours yesterday.)
    All bets are off tomorrow night, though!

  277. You should have a copy of your book at the book signings for all your fans to sign for you. Like comments, but in terrible handwriting.

  278. I was very excited today to power up my Kindle so I could receive your book! Of course, I’m at a hotel for a conference (remember how you scheduled your NY book tour date purposefully so that I couldn’t attend?!) so I had to wait until the end of the day to read it. But then I took my Kindle to the hotel gym, figuring at least it would help me get through my torturous half hour on the bike. My first emotion whilst reading your book was shame, as I laughed inappropriately loud in this public place and may have spit on the machine in the process while an elderly man (in white shorts and knee high socks) scowled at me. My second emotion was sadness as I realized my bike ride was coming to an end and I would have to put the book away for at least 2 minutes while I returned to my room. Kudos to you, as it is the first time in history that anyone was sad to see their stationary bike ride come to an end, and you should totally put that factoid in the sequel. I will accept either an autographed copy of said sequel or US $1Million as fair compensation for my contribution.

  279. You’re becoming super famous, which is awesome because you’re hilarious. I hope Book People has some copies left when I go by to buy mine. Prolly not going to the book signing though, I suspect it will extremely crowded and crowds freak me out. But I’ll be there in spirit wishing you well.

  280. I’ve been reading it all night and I keep getting looks from my husband every time I literally laugh out loud, he has now told me to put it down after laughing so hard I keep waking him up. Hilarious!!! So worth the wait!

  281. I only just started reading your book, but it so hilarious! Hope you are having fun on the book tour! Thanks for the laughs!

    I was so surprised, I let out a little giggle!
    I have pretty much read the entire thing already. It’s awesome.
    The chapter about the beyonce chicken made me laugh so hard I drooled on myself. True story.

    Well played, Jenny.

  283. Totally pre-ordered a copy for me and for my lovely ex-Houstonite friend Ellen who also loves critters and dressed-up dead critters. (Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you Houston people?) Didn’t tell her I was sending it neither. Got a text when she got home and found your book as a surprise on her doorstep. There were happy noises in text followed by movies of her petting a baby squirrel. A BABY SQUIRREL.

    Oh, wait. What? Book? Oh, yes. I found the dedication K-Mart story to be exceptionally poignant. I cried.

    I also cackled aloud to the first two chapters (well, the second chapter and that first one that didn’t really count, I guess), prompting husband to ask, “What’s so funny?” I would read the passages.

    “Oh. I don’t get her. She’s not that funny.”

    I would establish a rule that husbands just don’t get it (lumping Derek and Victor together into the case study group that therefore proves the rule for ALL husbands) except then I remember that I am Derek’s husband…and that’s when my argument falls apart.

    Anyhoo. I am SO happy this book is here, and I’ve already read way more of it than that Palahniuk thing I started two years ago. I would take this on my roadtrip to Denver but a) I’m apparently driving the first leg and 2) I would throw up all over our friend’s gigantic truck I get so carsick. (Don’t worry — I’d hold the book high enough to avoid vom.)

    Oh, and the tour totally needs to move inward. Apparently, I need more roadtrips, but Dallas is the closest and that’s still like 10-11 hours. What about Des Moines? Omaha? Tulsa? I think there’s a nice book section of the Wal-Mart in El Dorado, Kansas that I could make it to while dropping in to pick up bait.

  284. So happy for you hon- you must be exploding on the inside! (Ok, if it was me, I wouldn’t just be exploding on the inside, but, whatever).

    Take a deep breath, hold it for a second….and then totally freaking REVEL in the awesomeness of your big day!

  285. I downloaded the book from Barnes and Noble at 8am this morning and have about 80 pages left. After having to work all day and sit through a meeting. Seriously can’t put it down. And I’ve already talked three people into buying it. It’s completely awesome.

  286. Well my copy arrived today and I wish I could say I love it but, my teenager snatched it out of my hands and has been reading it. So I will say, instead, that I am sure I WILL love it. What I for sure love is the fact that my teen, who has been a little depressed and kind of in a bad place for the last week or two, has spent the last two hours laughing out loud with tears running down her face (seriously, she almost just threw up a little bit laughing). I haven’t heard her laugh like this in, gosh, I don’t even know how long. Ages. So I don’t even care what’s in the pages, just, thanks for that. Thanks for the laughing. I’m so grateful. <3

  287. I pre-ordered the hard copy and just bought the Kindle version because it’s taking too long for the book to arrive. Yes, I love you that much. SQUEEEE!!

  288. Sooo I totally just got your book & I’m going to read it aloud to my family. And by that I mean I will wear a cape, reading very loudly to my dog whilst my boyfriend tries to ignore me, in vain, in his computer room. While I prance and vehemently about the living room. It. Will. Be. GLORIOUS!

    Cyber hugs (which now a-days might mean I just raped you- sorry.)

  289. Hi Jen,

    So I picked up a few copies on Amazon, one for me, one for mum, one for a friend, but then my partner split up with me; so now I have several copies of your book in transit to my exes house. I’m really hoping that he doesn’t set fire to the package, I think that there should be some sort of insurance policy on Amazon for that, ‘act of vengeful ex,’ it could cover ‘act of vomit-y elderly cat’ as well, because I think that he would think it was creepy if I camped out on his front porch for a week with a fire extinguisher, and you just can’t stop 16 year old cat from eating grass.

    Thanks for being so fantastically fabulous, you give this fellow anxiety-sufferer hope and giggles. xo

  290. I asked my wife if I should send a copy to my mother. She said, “God, no. She’s old. She might die.” So, Amazon one click. Done.

  291. I got mine yesterday and I was so excited I just couldn’t contain myself. Read the first 5 chapters and it of coarse was hysterical. I would have ready more but I have a business and 4 children. Just so you know I have not had time to read a book in years so that says something right there. There was no signature plate thingy but I will forgive you this time 😛 Ha ha. Congrats to you and thank you for doing what you do. It helps me get through the day 🙂

  292. My copy landed yesterday. Awesome! Just a few pages in and I love it. Great stuff, thank you.

  293. Loved the book. Can’t wait to read it again.

    PS. I still think we might be related.
    PPS. Can’t wait for book two

  294. My copy was waiting for me at home. HILARIOUS! What a brazen bee-otch you are… out there being yourself. GOOD FOR YOU, JENNY! Loving this and so appreciate the chance to laugh so much before bedtime… and any other time I pick it up. Yay!!

  295. Wait… You’re #4 too. How strange. Apparently it picks up the different formats as different books. Which means if you add them together, you’re WAY out front of everyone else 🙂

    And you’re #24 on the overall Best Sellers.

    and it’s just dawned on me that if it was MY book, i’d be haunting the bestseller’s lists and wouldn’t need anyone telling me in the blog comments. So I’ll hush now 🙂

    Enjoy the wild ride that is your life.

  296. First of all: Four stars from People? You. Have. Arrived. Just please never become such a huge celebrity that they do a feature on you and then two issues later, we have to read reader’s letters about it. Those are perhaps the most disturbing glimpses into the psyches of the most banal beings on the planet. These people actually take the time to write things like, “I have always loved Melissa Gilbert and knowing how her fond memories of Michael Landon have helped her through tough itmes, I can now die in peace.”

    Second: My book is currently in transit, specifically in Jessup, Maryland. Perhaps you passed it in the airport. Try to add some podunk places to your book tour so some of us who don’t live in the big city can come gape at you!

  297. yayyayayayayayayayayayyayayayyyyyy congratulations 🙂 so happy so happy happy day happy life 🙂 you are amazing 🙂 thank you for everything.

  298. OH HOLY SHIT!!!

    So I am halfway through your book (which I received yesterday morning) and just got to the OD’d on laxatives story… I was snorting, tears rolling down my cheeks, and nearly peed. You really need to warn people before those ones!! Well done, Jenny, I can’t wait to finish the rest of the book (probably tonight). 🙂 It’s full of awesome!

  299. Okay, so you totally don’t know me, and you will likely never get a chance to read this comment because you’re super busy and this is like the bajillionth comment on this post alone, and well, the whole thing may seem kinda odd. As an aside, I accidentally just typed “busty” instead of busy. I have no idea if you fit that description or not, and I really don’t wanna creep you out so I’ll just leave it alone. Except to say that having read another recent post, I DO know that your yard has a totally nice mushroom rack.

    In any event, I just wanted to drop by to let you know that I’ve just received my copy of your book and I am very excited about the whole thing. Before even reading a page, I am all at once excited for you and proud of you and happy for you and I am so very much looking forward to finding out just how screwed up you really are.

    Because even though it’s been 10+ years of a lot of hell to get you to this point, and you have all kinds of terrifying experiences coming up with book tour and media stuff, you totally fucking did this. You did it. And dammit, it serves as some kind of example that I might be able to get off my ass and do it too. So thanks, Jenny. Seriously, thank you.

  300. I’m waiting impatiently for my book to arrive. I got my bookplate already and it was the most amazing thing ever to arrive in the mail. I wish I could have made it to NY to catch you on your book tour!

  301. Got home late last night and had your book waiting for me at the door! Would not allow myself to read more than the first few pages because I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop and would be up all night reading it. Jenny, you seriously missed a joint marketing/packaging opportunity. This book REALLY should have come packaged with a pack of adult diapers. Gonna have to buy some before I read any more of it, because I suspect that laughing until I pee would not be a good thing for my sofa. Maybe I’ll just read it on the toilet instead.

    SPOILER ALERT—-People, Do not read this comment if you haven’t read at least through the first chapter yet….

    I won’t give any spoilers here other than to say that I was already a laughing wreck but then I just lost it altogether when you said you grew up a poor black girl in New York….. (Steve Martin, aka The Jerk, should be so proud of this reference!)

  302. Can we make this the “Comment of the Day”:

    “I suspected this is all just fever dreams from the coma I’m obviously in, but this pretty much proves it. I’ll miss you all when I come out of this coma.”

    I quoted you in my blog, hope that’s okay… So happy for you.

  303. Oh, and I LOVE Amy’s suggestion here that you have the fans at your book signings sign a book for you!

  304. I had to stop reading last night cause I was choking on my spit & couldn’t breathe I was laughing so hard. That’s right, you, attempted murder, right here.
    I also agree with above that you should add some podunk towns, or at least the Inland NW, to your book tour so I can come gape at you too.

  305. i received my bookplate last week.
    i received my book yesterday.
    i will buy the people magazine (sure to become a collector’s item) today.
    though the value of such things would surely go up if you croaked, please don’t; we already lost dick clark (though he’s been dead for years… ba dump bump, chhhhhh) and i haven’t finished the book yet.
    congratulations for being fucking awesome. a close friend of mine speaks of tribes that we all find ourselves gravitating to; methinks you are one of my tribe. 🙂

  306. I love Felicia Day so much….

    You’ve come a long way, Jenny, and I’m so happy to have known you briefly (and mostly through my mom) and so happy that you have had this success! True story…your old boss’ boss (I.H.) called my mom on the phone this weekend to tell her that you were on CNN telling the presidential candidates that they needed to be more concerned about something to do with zombies. And it blew her mind. But then my mom explained it all to her and she was very impressed with you, too. Congratulations & great work!

  307. B&N said mine is on its way. Best I can tell that’s about 3.89 stars there, Sistah, it’s been nice knowin’ ya.


  308. P.S. If I signed your book I would say “Your a really cool girl. Wish I got to know you better. Good luck in 8th grade.”

  309. Just have to say – I started reading your book yesterday. I’m only on #3 on the list of “Things Most People Have Never Experienced or Could Have Even Possibly Imagined but That Totally Happened to Me” and already I’ve nearly given myself a hernia from laughing so hard. In fact, I can’t read this book in public, because trying to contain the full-on belly laugh is just too difficult. I just wanted to say that you’re my hero.

  310. YAYAYAYAYAY! My ebook was available on Monday and I got my actual book on Tuesday – love the end paper!

    Sadly, I never got my bookplate.


  311. I’m on page 53 and I’m already laughing out loud. My coworkers are starting to think I’m a little crazy. And yes, I’m reading your book at work. It’s ok, my work is cool like that.

    Don’t mind me, the crazy lady laughing in her cubicle.

  312. Oooh, I’ve been away all week sans internettiness and come back to an email from Amazon telling my my copy is on its way – woooooot! Can’t wait.

  313. Just bought your book. It’d had better be funny or ADIOS MUTHERFUCKER!
    J/k, but I really hopes it’s as entertaining as your blog….

  314. I just got your book today! I pre-ordered it so that it would be signed, but it wasnt. Nevertheless, i am so excited to read it! The blurbs on the back alone were cracking me up! Congrats! Thanks for the blessed hours of entertainment.

  315. You are amazing and incredible and inspiring. I bought your freaking book in NOVEMBER! But I didn’t have the foresight to order the Kindle version so it’s stuck in USPS hell. I literally cannot WAIT to read it!

  316. Lovin It!
    I wanted to give you the link to my website. I developed a product for a friend who was having dicomfort when she was breastfeeding. Well, word got around that it was working great for her and was born. Come see what the buzz is about 🙂

  317. YES! my copy from amazon arrived yesterday and I’m already 100 pages into it. I’ve laughed/cried til i couldn’t see straight.
    I’m making my mom read this as soon as I’m done with it.
    congrats Jenny!

  318. Okay, it’s taking me forever to read your book, even though I spend every spare minute I have locked away from my children trying to read it. The reason for my difficult progression? I keep giggling so hard I can’t breathe. Who else could be so charming, so hilarious, and so dangerous at the same time but you? Seriously, I love you. (Too creepy? Sorry.)

  319. I didn’t heed your warning about the high school chapter. I’m totally having horrible flashbacks…and using the word “totally” a lot.

  320. So I just played the video and at the doorbell sound, my 13+ year old dog jumped straight up from a sound sleep in full on barking mode. I think I heard something snap. Warn a body before randomly doorbelling, Jenny. You can break a dog like that.

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