If it's Thursday this must be Blogworld

Last night’s New Jersey signing was wonderful and supportive and as a special surprise the super-sweet Rosie O’Donnell showed up and did my introduction!

She is more awesome than cheese and I owe her a pony, or at least a small burrito.

Tonight I’m doing the keynote address at Blogworld and I’m a nervous wreck and can’t be expect to write properly, so I’m continuing my week of shit-you-probably-never-read-because-I-wrote-it-many-years-ago.

And now…a rerun about why Morgan Freeman and I are in a fight:

Dear Morgan Freeman:

What. the. fuck?

I’ve been rocking the cat-on-the-head look since January 2010 and then “suddenly” you show up on the scene with a cat on your head and expect me to believe it’s just a coincidence?  No, Morgan Freeman. No one is falling for this. Stop with all the lies.

Me, circa six weeks before you, Morgan Freeman.

This is exactly like that time that that German princess tried to steal my look and we had to get the king and Hitler involved except this is way worse because we’re both Americans, Morgan Freeman.  We’re on the same team, Morgan Freeman. And this hurts way more than the princess thing because I thought we had something special.  Remember?  Nine years ago at the Houston airport when I got lost and so did you and we both turned around at the same time and almost ran into each other and you gave me this look like “Hi.  I’m Morgan Freeman and I’m lost too.  We’re in this together, my friend.  Fight the good fight, little ninja” and then we totally had this moment that one of us never forgot that and it stayed in her heart as a special little bond until YOU TOTALLY FUCKED ME?  And yes, I realize that I might be overreacting but it doesn’t change the hurt, Morgan Freeman.  It’s lingering.  And painful.  All that goodwill you built up?  Gone. I can’t even watch any Morgan Freeman movies anymore.  Or movies narrated by you.  Which is pretty much every movie ever made.  Awesome.  Now I never get to go to the movies again.  Nice job, Morgan Freeman.  You just ruined the entire film industry.


That-girl-at-the-airport-that-one-time-who-was-wearing-a-grey-t-shirt, I think

Updated:  Okay, so apparently people have been wearing cats on their heads since Victorian times…


…but that doesn’t really count because I know from experience that balancing a dead cat on your head is super easy but balancing a live cat is a fucking talent so it’s not even close to the same thing, you guys.  Plus, now that I think about it, it’s possible that the cat on Morgan Freeman’s head is dead too, which actually makes this whole debacle even worse because Morgan Freeman is one of the most talented actors of our time yet he killed a cat just so that a photoshoot would go a little easier?*  Way to phone it in, Morgan Freeman. You’re dead to me.

*I don’t actually know for sure that Morgan Freeman killed a cat.   But he probably did.**  I mean, he doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would kill a cat but he also doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would steal an old friend’s cat-head portrait idea either so I think all bets are off now.

**When I said that Morgan Freeman “probably killed a cat” I really meant that Morgan Freeman “may or may not have killed a cat”.  Obviously I don’t really have any way of knowing that.  He may have just paid someone else to kill the cat.  All I really know is that a cat is dead and that it’s Morgan Freeman’s fault.***

***Allegedly.  Which in this case means “based on facts I may have made up or dreamt”.  I’m sorry.  A lot of this is just the hurt talking.

You broke my heart, Morgan Freeman.

UPDATED X 2: My friend Bekka defends Morgan Freeman using this video as evidence that possibly Morgan Freeman is the victim here: “Sometimes cats just want to be on your head and there’s nothing you can do about it, EVEN IF YOU HAVE A GUN. Cats just don’t respect authority.”  Not buying it, Bekka.  Morgan Freeman knows exactly what he’s doing.

158 thoughts on “If it's Thursday this must be Blogworld

Read comments below or add one.

  1. You’ve lost me big time with all this – but there’s no doubt about that this tradition of wearing cats on heads is something delicious. Glad everything went well in NY and so fun to see you with Rosie O’Donnell!

  2. You would think Morgan Freeman, should he choose to have a cat on his head, would find a bigger one. I can barely see it. There’s no missing the cat on your head

  3. I actually remember this one. And remember being so disillusioned by Morgan Freeman’s thievery.

  4. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
    Morgan Freeman wants to be like you because he likes you, not because he wants to take anything away from you or hurt your feelings. Now you kids head over to Madison WI and I will buy you both some ice cream and we can all be friends again. I will even get you a bandaid if you stub your toe, because sometimes that happens.

  5. Yes it’s obvious that he also stole the video at the end of your post. All of this stealing is probably leftover from when he was in prison with Tim Robbins. Tim was innocent, of course, as we all know, but Morgan was totally a low-down, dirty, cat-photo-and-video stealing criminal. I’m pretty sure that’s why he was in prison. If I’m remembering the plot correctly.

  6. You’ll be fine at Blogworld. If you want, I’ll see if I can get the Gaithersburg Police to come to NYC and escort you on stage.

  7. That Morgan Freeman and the cats on his head. Totally ruined The Shawshank Redemption.

    Best of luck for Blogworld.

  8. If you can’t get a photograph of Nathan Fillon holding twine…maybe he’d consent to pose with a cat on his head? That evidently is all the rage…
    Good luck with the talk – fight down that fear!

  9. I am not the kind of person who would normally quote Lee Bailey’s Eurweb.com as saying:

    *Actor Morgan Freeman may be rocking the cradle again, according to Bossip.

    “The legendary 74-year-old actor who was creepily dating his 29-year-old stepdaughter, E’Dena Hines, reportedly got tired of the young thing and moved on to a new girl who is reportedly Filipino.”

    At least I was not that kind of person until I learned about Morgan’s plagiaristic cat-on-the-head number. That changed me.

    Because of THAT, I think we should also include the second paragraph of the above mentioned story:

    “The couple, which has been together for a decade now, may not be together after Freeman was spotted kissing a young thing in a restaurant in California.”

    Still, even though Morgan totally deserves WHATEVER, we should probably not link to the story.

    Well maybe a little bit.

  10. I have always really adored Rosie O’Donnell. I think she means to do good things in the world and I’m glad you got to meet her!

  11. Rosie introducing you is awesome!! Balancing a full grown cat on your head takes talent. I agree there. Did you notice that Morgan was only balancing a kitten? I bet that it doesn’t take near the talent to balance a kitten. 😀

  12. Hey babe, barring complications (and I know there are always complications, but not today, bad-luck fairy, OK?) I will BE THERE tonight, because my BEA badge gets me into BlogWorld keynote speech – so look for me in the crowd and pretend we’re back in the bathroom at BlogHer hanging out and having fun and ignore the rest of the zombies in the room, OK? Love you.

  13. “She is more awesome than cheese”

    Let’s not get crazy. More awesome than feta cheese? I think not. No offense to Rosie (who I’m sure is more awesome than most cheeses, even a nice sharp provolone) but feta is in a class by itself.

    And Morgan Freeman is officially on my shit list. Has anyone seen my shitlist? Its’s a piece of paper with “Morgan Freeman” written on it.

  14. It really is shocking how low Morgan Freeman has fallen, what with all the cat killing and idea stealing.

  15. Those photos are amazing! Only slightly less amazing than the reading last night. Thanks so much for stopping in to our suburban dystopia. It was a fun night!

  16. I love that in the Victorian photo, the woman is wearing a choker with the word “PUSS” encrusted in rhinestones.

  17. Did you hear about the guy in Holland who loved his cat so much that when it died, he had it stuffed and turned into a cat helicopter? That actually flies. You guys need to meet.

  18. You’ll do brilliantly at Blogworld. Just imagine the audience as all Morgan Freemans with cats on their heads.

  19. Are kittens the new prosthetic foreheads I keep hearing so much about?

    “Everybody wants prosthetic
    Foreheads on their real heads”
    /They Might Be Giants

  20. meanwhile. . . there’s some guy making RC Airplanes out of dead cats. Which sort of parallels your point. Who can’t make a radio controlled airplane out of a dead cat? You want to impress me? Make a radio controlled airplane out of a LIVING cat. Like a . . . cyborg cat plane. THAT is art.

    Meanwhile. . . you still blog? I thought you just went city to city in ever-complexier patterns attempting to hit every city BUT Pittsburgh on your book tour.

  21. Now I totally want to put my cat on my head. Except that she is like way too fat and would probably break my neck. And she doesn’t really like me. And she still has all her claws so that would not end well. But other than that, yeah, cat on the head would be sweet.

  22. I’m 95% sure that a small burrito is the ultimate gift for sealing eternal friendship. I hope Rosie appreciates such a grand gesture.
    I’ll be honest with you, I’m pretty sure Morgan owes you a minimum of three burritos for stealing your creative juices.

    also: I’M SO PROUD OF YOUR FACE. (and the rest of you, too.)

  23. You have have have to see this. Cats…helicopters…together in harmony.

    PS: I’m sorry, but this can’t be unseen. Especially after watching it 10 times.

  24. he probably narrated shawshank redemption with a cat on his head *disillusioned*… where’s my cat?…. where’s my head?

  25. How much fun is that?! Getting to meet Rosie…

    On a sad note… I kinda wish my company still managed BlogWorld because that means I’ll have a chance to meet you in the bathroom and give you some awesomely random “pep talk” before your keynote address and we’d laugh and possibly cry and then you’d go kick ass and I’d buy you lots of wine afterwards…

    PS…. Just finished your book (I originally was going to use it to unwind after the convention I manage finished, while on a beach in Mexico, but then my grandma had a stroke and passed away so I used your book (and my anti-anxiety and depression meds) to help me laugh again. It was perfect and I am so thankful for your book because it helped me realize that there are other people in the world that had my kind of “normal” childhood filled with taxidermy, growing up in the middle of nowhere (Google McCook, TX), and knowing the sheer panic that was about to ensure when you realized your dad was trying to quietly sneak up on you… 🙂 Love you and thank you for being you! 🙂

  26. Morgan Freeman can be a douche. Sometimes, he doesn’t like driving little old women around OR helping Batman. One time he thought he was God which is ridiculous because God doesn’t like to wear white – soft shades of green and blue are more his style. That’s what I heard anyway.

  27. I think Morgan Freeman could pull off a honey badger on his head. Then read some Julius Caesar.

  28. If I could stop laughing I’d have a better comment. But not right now. ROTFL
    So instead…I say keep rockin’ your style Jenny. These celebs are always trying to capture the new “now’ look to get them noticed. Clearly, they go to the source. We know what’s up. Totally.

  29. So, Morgan just called. You may owe him an apology. He was all hurt. He remembers the airport incident too, thought there was this magic ninja bond. He was all “If she wants to sport a cat on the head, I will show my support and do it too.” Imitation is flattery, they say.

    Although, if you ask me, your cat is clearly bigger. Yep.

  30. Keep rockin’ your style Jenny. These celebs are always looking for the new “now” look. Ha! wanna be trend setters….Pffft! Clearly, they go to the source. We totally know what’s up.

  31. Oh. My. God. Rosie O’Donnell is to me as Tina Fey is to you… my envy just hit the roof… Screw Morgan Freeman and his cat! You met Rosie O!!!! luvluvluvluvluvluv!

  32. Rosie is more awesome than cheese? Wow! I can’t even imagine.

    I recently wrote a story about loving cheese and the secret worldwide sisterhood of cheese lovers.


    My friend Priya suggested we all get membership cards made of cheese. Perhaps you’d like in?

    PS- You rock the cat-on-head look. All the others are just wanna-bes.

  33. Hate to break it to you, but that picture first appeared on the internet in November 2009. I think the actual photo is older than that though, I can’t remember the name of the photographer.
    Looks like he just beat you to it!

  34. I now believe everyone should have a photo taken of them with a live cat or kitten on their head. You look like you’re having way more fun than Morgan Freeman and the Victorian Lady.

    You will be awesome tonight and I wish I could sneak into the place to hear you speak,

    You need to do another signing in New York. Pretty Please

  35. Love the cat on the head thing!
    I am more disturbed about you and rosie however….. Dont let that silly has been bitch steal your power, she is a vampire has been and looking for a way to get center stage again. Dont let her use you to get there.

    (Thanks, but I found her very nice and generous. 🙂 ~ Jenny)

  36. That’s where we’ve gone wrong in life: we have only Shoulder Cats, not Head Cats. They are alive, in their defense.

    But did you see the YouTube vid of the taxidermied cat made into a cow-buzzing helicopter???? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGcMVuOw35k

    ROSIE! So jealous. That’s all.

  37. You know what is really cool about you? You have crippling anxiety, and nasty depression yet you are going to be the keynote address at Blogworld! You refuse to just lie back and just take it. Ok, that sounds kind of dirty but you know what I mean. You don’t let this stuff stop you from living your life. I am pretty proud of you.

  38. I love that the victorian lady is wearing a choker that says PUSS on it.

  39. I think to make up for his past thievery – Mr. Freeman should agree to narrate your next promo video. That way, you’ll have Wil collating paper, Neil & Amanda acting cool, Rosie mis-naming you all to the soothing baritone voice of God, sorry, Morgan Freeman. YOU WILL OWN THE INTERNET with that video. At least the parts not already owned by LOLcats and Honey Badgers. And since you are such a cat supporter, I’ll bet the LOLcats would be onboard with ya. And has noted above – honey badgers just don’t give a shit.

  40. Put on your cat hats, errybody and take the crazytrain to awesometown. Toot toot motherfuckahs.

  41. I love that your blog has more tangents than a Wikipedia article. I find myself starting out on one post, then 45 minutes later, I’m still on the couch re-reading hilarious escapades involving Tim Gunn and William Shatner. And now I totally want a pair of glittery jellies! I seriously have to go charge my phone now.

  42. Recently, I pondered aloud in front of my husband, “I wonder if Morgan Freeman really sounds that awesome in everyday conversation.” To which he replied, “Oh, he does.” I was like, “WTF? How would you know?” I thought he was joking, but he has met Morgan Freeman. On multiple occasions. He was a customer at the tiny drive-though photo processing lab in Tuscaloosa, AL, where my husband worked. Apparently, the first time he came through he had a driver and my husband was really confused when the person driving the car pulled through so that the back window of the car was next to the drive-through. Then, on taking his order, he asked for a contact number and good ole Morgan gave him a “bitch, please” look. He knew not to ask Morgan for his number on future visits. We were dating at the time, and have been married almost 8 years, and he has just recently shared this story with me. Men. /csb

  43. I know how you can get him back: next time you run into Morgan Freeman at the airport, tell him that you loved him in Pulp Fiction as John Travolta’s sidekick. Then watch as the tears stream down his cheeks.

    The RB

  44. So… I totally met you last night! You signed my book “To Valerie aka ZombieSlayer … CONSTANT VIGILANCE! ”

    I think that you wrote that because you know we are both uber prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse… or because I asked you to… One or both of those.





  45. OMG!! I seriously love the video!!! Thank you to your friend Bekka! I am sitting at my work laughing, probably making everyone think I am crazier than they already believe, or maybe just as crazy as they believe I don’t know lol thank you for ending my week with a laugh! Jenny I adore you!

  46. Lets see…. Today is Thursday so that makes tomorrow…… Caturday? No… that’s not right…. Monday? No…. WAIT! THAT MAKES TOMORROW FRIDAY! And just my luck, I’m traveling to Boston tomorrow! *SQUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE* FAN EXCITEMENT!!!!

    *PHEW* Ok Plaid, calm down, it’s gonna be ok. Just 32 more hours till the awesome arrives…


  47. I should never read your blog after drinking too much coffee. Or with a live cat on my head. Not that I would have a dead cat on my head. For any reason.

    I hope my friend who wants me to cat-sit is fully aware of all this.

  48. In MF’s defense, it IS possible that he didn’t know there was a cat on his head. Look at that hair – very plausible that he didn’t know a kitten was creeping up there. He was concentrating on his classic pose for the camera while this cat saw the opportunity for a great sneaky photo bomb.

    I don’t particularly care for cats but I can tell there’s something different about this one. It uses it’s sneakiness for good. Pure photo bombing good.

  49. I totally blame the cat… if I were small enough to crawl into Morgan Freeman’s hair, I TOTALLY WOULD. His voice makes me feel safe.

  50. Okay seriously… Your the only one doing it right… by right.. I mean the towel… because well… kitty litter paw… yikes.

  51. Just wanted to point out that, wow, in the photo of you with Rosie — you’re looking beautiful.

  52. A++ on the Rosie intro, lady!! That’s awesome!!!!!

    For the record, the cat on your head is much less creepy/much more cute than the one on Morgan Freeman’s.

  53. You look completely adorbs in the photo with Rosie — like you’re just happy as shit and can’t believe it. Perfect. And really needed the re-play of the Morgan Freeman/cat-on-head. So funny and put me right where I needed to be to face this day.

  54. I’m making a sign to carry around with me always, that way I don’t have to keep telling people because it would just get tiresome:

    “Rosie O’Donnell introduced the Bloggess who follows me on Twitter”

    See? Famous by osmosis. Kinda. Probably.

  55. And of course you can’t see your clothes in your cat-on-the-head pict so it looks like you’re nekkid. And you’re brushing your teeth. It’s multi-tasking!

    What you’re missing in Texas: it was 98 degrees yesterday and is expecting to be again today. 😛 New Jersey is probably far greener. Last time I flew over, on my way to Somewhere Else, all of Texas was brown and spontaneously combusting but New Jersey looked like an oasis of green.

  56. I love you, Jenny. You make me feel like I’m not alone in this world 🙂

  57. Way to get busy plagiarizing, Morgan Freeman! I am totally Team Lawson and down on Team Freeman. I smell a Zazzle tee. You’re welcome.

  58. Would Morgan Freeman make you feel better if he sent you a pic of himself holding twine? Or collating paper?

  59. I wonder if Morgan Freeman ALSO forgot the moment we had years ago during the tour of the Constitution around the world. Or the Declaration of Independence. It matters not. It was precious founding documents, Morgan, and me.

    If he doesn’t remember, then I am officially Team Blogess on this one.

  60. I live in Halifax Canada, but my parents who live in New Jersey went out to the signing in Mont Claire. They don’t really know who you are, but now my Dad wont send me the book because he’s too busy Dad-cackling while reading it. Thank you for doing this tour, signing my book, and taking a picture with my mom!

  61. I want so much, SO MUCH, to be supportive here, Jenny, but I’m torn. I’m afraid I’m going to have to go against the great flow of Bloggess support here. I adore Morgan Freeman and think he looks damn cute with a cat on his head. Not that you don’t…but when you think about it, he has far less time to be here on earth wearing cats atop his head than you. You’ll be here long enough to wear several generations of cats on your head. But Morgan won’t. So I say, why not let Morgan have his cat hat day in the sun? 😀

  62. If you’ve ever seen Morgan Freeman’s performance as Fast Black in “Street Smart”, you’d know that he has a penchant for hostile duplicity. (reference this clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJ8OJp0X2y4&feature=relmfu

    Given that, I would advise to just let Mr. Freeman do what Mr. Freeman does. I can hear him validating a dead cat on his head with his soothing, easy-going voice: “What, this cat? Oh….why, sure. He’s dead. And I killed him. Leastways I had it done. And he SURE IS dead. And he’s not the only one. Oh, no sir. Why, I got….3, maybe 4 dozen of ’em….some in the basement, some under the stairs. Killed ’em all. Eat ’em too. Wanna know why? Because they’re nutritious. Sure….stringy and hard to pluck, but nutritious and good for you. (long pause) Now…we won’t be needing to have this talk again, now will we?……Good…..that’s good.” (/morgan freeman voice in your head.)

    At that point, the best thing to say is just “Hello, Mr. Freeman. Gee….you sure do look keen with that ol’ cat on your head.”

  63. I can’t believe the policeman continued writing that ticket. The driver should have gotten a freebie considering that cop was getting that free pussy all over his head.

    Can I hit “Enter” without editing my vulgarity? I DON’T KNOW!

  64. It takes extreme talent to wear a cat on one’s head, and appear calm and relaxed…Every time I have had a cat on my head, it has been unplanned, at least on my part, and I am positive I did not appear calm during the activity.

  65. OMG, I love Morgan Freeman and will sad to have to stop being his friend for plagaristic reasons. On a different note, I laughed so loudly some one from down the hall came into my office to make sure I hadn’t hurt myself. So thanks!

  66. I went to see you last night! Rosie’s introduction was funny but you were AWESOME!! Thanks for stopping in NJ!!!

  67. You were totally amazing last night so I’m sure you’ll be equally as fabulous tonight! Ms.O’Donnell was an added surprise, I sat next to her….you can boast with pride that you made her laugh so hard she was snorting! Seriously, I probably peed myself….<3

  68. I don’t have a cat – my husband and child are allergic. But I do have a dog. Do you think I could still participate in this fabulous trend? He’s a rather large dog though. I can hear the neighbours now, “oh look, she has a boxer on her head. Her neck must be so strong!” And it would be true and perhaps my neck would be as large as one on a pro football player. Which seems kind of yucky actually. Maybe I will have to settle for just letting the dog lay on my pillow when he’s cold instead of yelling at him and shoving him over onto my husband’s side of the bed. Not as great a fashion statement at all though. Morgan Freeman would never copy that one. 🙁

  69. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! That’s so awesome that Rosie came to see you! You are BIG-TIME. (you already knew that).

    Oh and yeah, WTF Morgan Freeman? You’re so totally in the right on this one.

  70. I’m a new subscriber to your blog. This one gave me a big grin. I needed one, so thank you.

  71. Hilarious! But you know what the new challenge is now, right? It’s getting a picture of *Rosie O’Donnell* with a cat on her head.

    Good luck at BlogWorld!

  72. Jenny – you’re a pretty cool cat, but take it easy on Easy Reader !

    my dad once had a cat on his pants. he was standing and Oona [as in Charlie Chaplin’s wife] just crawled up his ‘trunk’ and clung in a very hang-in-there-from-the-70s-poster kind of way.

    and once she sat on my head. but there’s not photogenic proof.

  73. Dear Jenny,

    Can I be your new best friend? I’d send you a picture of me with a cat on my head but my cat weighs like 16 freaking pounds and she said she’d kill me if I touched her. I could instead send you a picture of me after 26 hours of no sleep because I thought I was still young enough to be a rocker.

    Morgan Freeman is a bum. That’s not a real cat either. It’s a Facinator that he put on all wrong. I know this stuff because I just watched the 6 days of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee.

  74. I’d have to look long and hard (heh heh..I said “long and hard”) but I know that, somewhere, I have a photo of me taken about seven or eight years ago with a black cat on top of my head. She was in heat at the time and apparently the only thing that satisfied her sexual desires was climbing on top of peoples’ heads and yowling. She was a weird cat.

  75. Jealous that you saw Morgan Freeman in person
    Jealous that you are not allergic to cats
    Jealous that your pet will sit on your head
    Jealous that you look so cute when brushing your teeth
    Jealous that you make me jealous
    Jealous that you make me say jealous so much, the word jealous starts to sound kinda yucky, like gelatinous. How can jelly take such a wrong turn? So disappointing.
    Oh, and jealous that you need glasses and that they look fucking adorable on you.
    Best of luck, you keynote addresser, you. How can you go wrong if your cat will sit on your head (jealous)

  76. I have a cat who tries to climb me like Everest every time I bend over to do something. It’s the pits trying to explain to everyone how I get these scratches all over my neck, chest, and shoulders. I do have to say that getting a cat on my head is quite easy. However, getting him off is a delicate matter indeed! Ever wear a live cat necklace? Well, that’s what I get every time I try to forcibly remove him. OUCH!

  77. I’m pretty sure Kim Cattrall is a vampire/zombie/immortal being a la Nic Cage….Isn’t that her in the Victorian times with a cat on her head?

  78. I’ve had a bad feeling about Morgan Freeman since he got put away for life years ago for murder and then met up with his prison-escapee buddy on a beach in Zihuatanejo as if that murder never even happened! I mean, what’s up with that?

  79. Its the famous kat-man-hair-du from that one city that I can never quite remember the name of…hmmmm

  80. Sorry to tell you this Jenny, but Cat on the Head is so 2011. I know you’ve been rocking the look for awhile, but now that Morgan’s doing it, it’s kind of jumped the shark, so you need to move on. You are queen of the trends, and so much better than this, so just build yourself a zen garden and let it go.

    And Morgan? Frankly, I am not impressed. If you were rocking a dachshund or small hamster on your head. I might sit up and take notice, but a kitten. Pleeeeze….

  81. I tried to watch that video in the Updated x 2 and my work browser blocked it for being “tasteless and offensive.” Now I REALLY want to see it.

  82. My 6 year-old son just walked by and said, to the picture of Morgan Freeman, “Who’s the cat?’ I’m not sure if he meant Morgan Freeman or the actual cat, but he was also holding a banana to his ear at the same time and followed that question with, “I’m calling my lawyer.” Busted, Morgan Freeman. Busted.

  83. So, I guess what you are saying is that Morgan Freeman doesn’t have just any cat on his head, he actually has Schrödinger’s Cat on his head….

    I would certainly consider it a superposition for the cat to be on his head, but since you have no way of knowing if it is alive or dead, then there are two senses of superposition there.

    Must he fall off for the wave function to collapse?????

  84. Morgan Freeman clearly wants to be just like you. Its obvious. No one should believe anything otherwise.

  85. Wow. . .Rosie O’Donnell. . .the woman who on national television accused the U.S. Government of being the perpetrators behind 9/11. First PETA, now this. . .

    I’ve got to say, I’m more than a little disappointed.

  86. Aww. This post is making me all verklempt because it was shiny new right around the time I found your blog, and I’ve been silently stalking you ever since. Good luck with keynote, hope someone finds you and brings boxed wine!

  87. Cats are soooo much better on heads than dogs. My dog just wants to chase things. And I was very sad to hear about Morgan Freeman because I thought that would mean I would have to stop watching Star Wars because he was Darth Vader’s voice until my husband reminded me that it was JAMES EARL JONES, so then I said, “I mean, Lando Calrissian” and he sighed and told me that was BILLY DEE WILLIAMS, so I get to watch Star Wars but not Batman but I’m not liking the new Batman series anyway because Christian Bale is such a loose cannon. Whew! Long run-on sentence and maybe too much wine.

  88. So basically, after reading your post and all the comments, the only think I can come up with is that I think Google McCook would make an excellent alias.

  89. OMG I love this post. Even if it is old. I adore it. I also loved the book. Thank you for making me pee myself on an airplane, crammed into a tiny Barbie seat next to some tight lipped woman who looked distressed to be near me. OK, here is something that came on my facebook page today and given the theme of cats, death and so forth, it seemed fitting: http://youtu.be/6c4nZJ4ryFE


  90. I’m very sorry to hear about this feud between you and Morgan Freeman. I hope you two are able to patch things up one day. And when you do, can you please get Morgan Freeman to do a dramatic reading of your Copernicus post? Because I’m pretty sure Morgan Freeman saying, “A hug is like a strangle you haven’t finished yet” would really just be the greatest thing to ever happen in the history of the world.

  91. How about a cat on your back while you’re using the toilet? I’m pretty sure I have a monopoly on that particular image. Eat your heart out, Morgan Freeman.

  92. I just introduced a friend who does not normally read blogs to your blog. We are at work….i can no longer get her off your site. I guess the Bloggess will be our new favourite topic of conversation.

  93. You are really going to have to work on your Morgan Freeman voice if you’re gonna win this battle. I mean, the man married his step granddaughter and I can’t stop loving him.

    I have a theory that his voice actually hypnotizing. But like… LEGIT! Which is probably why I fucking LOVE VISA CARDS!!!




  94. I actually admire anyone who can wear a cat on their head, no matter who did it first (and I choose to believe Morgan Freeman is emulating you, not stealing from you — whoever made the LOL Morgan Freeman may be stealing from you, though).

    By the way, it has occurred to me recently that the term “small burrito” is an oxymoron (I, too, am a native of the Southwest), and only Americans can take something which is by its very definition SMALL and make so enormous that there can actually be something called a “small burrito.”

  95. I think it’s time to set a new standard in headgear. One that …The Late… Morgan Freeman cannot possibly top.
    I’m thinking puppies. Make it happen, Jenny!

  96. That’s it, he’s dead to me as well, as dead as the kitten. Allegedly.

  97. Being a dog person I’ve never had a cat on my head; and I don’t think my 70 lb Siberian would stay up there. But it’s an interesting look for sure.Congratulations on being the keynote. I’m sure you knocked them dead.

  98. Hey! Using your cat to hold your towel turban together was a great idea! Mine drives me crazy, because if I tip my head just a little bit the wrong way, the whole thing unwinds and flops off my head. Using the cat to hold things together up there is brilliant! I think that Morgan Freeman just didn’t understand where you were coming from with this. I mean, despite starring in Robin Hood with Kevin Costner, he just doesn’t strike me as a towel turban type of guy. Maybe this was just one of those cases where men are from Mars, and cats are from… uh… Just where DID cats come from anyway??? Hey! Maybe that cat is actually using its secret mind control powers on Morgan Freeman, so IT’S NOT HIS FAULT! I guess it was lucky that you were wearing that turban, otherwise maybe your cat would have been able to take over your mind too. ‘Scuse me now, I need to go practice wearing my towel turban. My cat’s started giving me some funny looks…

  99. Well, in all fairness, it looks like Morgan Freeman has a kitten on his head, and they are MUCH easier to balance than a full grown catzilla like yours, so you still take the cake in awesomeness for accomplishing such a daring feat!

    Also, I have to say, Rosie O’Donnell!?! How cool is that!

  100. Jenny… I’m ridiculously afraid of cats. But the Victorian era cat? Hilarious!

    And Rosie… ? She got to meet you? Awesome! 🙂

    Last but not least… absolutely love the Kelly Vivanco image in your sidebar.

    Great seeing you at Mom2. Hope the book signings have been awesome!


  101. Nice pix huh! Maybe Morgan freeman wants to be like you, a trend sitter! Lol! So what’s with that black cat anyway?

  102. No kitty at my house to put on my head….although I could borrow one. We have like 5 or 6 that hang out in my front flower beds all the time so I could totally tame one and try this feat. Still don’t know why these kitties like to live in my flower beds. I mean, like don’t they have homes or something? They go somewhere to eat and stuff, cause they sure ain’t skinny kitties. One orange one is FAT!

  103. I’ve totally missed NY AND NJ and I think I may have died a little inside. It was my goal to make it there to see you but, alas, I’m super poor and couldn’t do it. I was really hoping to say “Thank you” in person and give you a huge hug and tell you exactly how you have helped to make my world a better place for me and my girls but, I won’t be able to do that since now the time has passed and no one has invented a time machine yet. But, when that time machine is invented, I will totally be there to meet you and do all of the aforementioned stuff that I just typed. I’m totally bummed. I hope your tour is going well and that’s super cool about meeting Rosie. Had I been able to be there, I too could have met the great Rosie O’Donnell. Once again, totally bummed. SOMEONE INVENT A DAMN TIME MACHINE ALREADY!!!

  104. That cat on Morgan Freeman’s head looks kind of evil to me. Your cat is way cuter! While it’s really cool having a cat on your head and all that and everything but have you ever had a cat that has FLEAS on your head? A 25 pound cat with fleas who may or may not have been altered? Now THAT is really something! (Not that I’ve ever tried that because I’m not a copy cat like Morgan Freeman and I would never ever steal your cat on the head idea ever. ) Morgan’s just a copy cat!

  105. Dear Big kitty who owns the Bloggessess ,
    I didn’t realize I was copying you, but heads are SUCH a cool place to sit on your human!

    with love and respects,
    Kitten that owns Morgan Freeman

  106. Sorry Bloggess. Sorry Morgan. I was wearing a live cat on my head back in 1947. I got ringworm.

  107. I got to know..how come you can go to the OLD State I use to visit and do a book signing, but you can’t come to Seattle where people read all the time and we are awesome with coffee houses and it rains xanax here? What is your problem with SEATTLE??? I’m taking my book back and selling my Kindle where there is a copy on there too and getting a new Kindle. Seattle people can be so mean…I need to go outside and throw my head back and let it rain xanax in my mouth.

  108. Victorian cats look evil. Evil and dead. Was there taxidermy back in those days? Well, there must have been, because castles are always decorated with boars’ heads and other hunting trophies. So I’m guessing the Queen there was not really wearing a cat, but an ethically sourced, died-of-natural-causes, environmentally-responsibly taxidermied cat-hat.

  109. Bitch stole your look.

    (And here I mean Rosie O’Donnell with the glasses just like Lisa Loeb, not Morgan Freeman who, come on, frankly improved your look. The man looks good with a kitten on his head.)

  110. I’m probably not the only one to see this, but I can’t read 146 comments in one lunch break, and as much as I love you I can’t dedicate more than one break to a single post (one post per break max), WHAT DOES THAT VICTORIAN LADY’S NECKLACE SAY?
    Here are my guesses:

    Since there is a dead cat on her head I think I’ll go with Pussy.
    Any chance we can get Victorian style chokers that say Pussy on them from your store? Maybe with a kitty charm?

  111. If a burro is a donkey, then a burrito must be a little donkey, in which case a small burrito would be a TEENSY donkey. Are you getting Rosie a teensy donkey? I bet she would love that.

  112. So I’m assuming that there is an antique “PUSS” or “PUSSY” choker floating around somewhere in this world. Dibs.

  113. Does anyone else notice that the victorian woman’s necklace says p*ssy on it..?

  114. I believe my pancake predates your cat. Not literally, not in the “cat on the head” sense, but figuratively, as in the “here’s something that makes no sense, to go along with your lack of sense…”

    The bunny’s name, by the way, is Oolong. He’s dead. He’s since been replaced by Yuebing.

    No, not the Captain of the Loveboat (though yes, he, too, is dead [I stand corrected: He’s not dead, but he might as well be]).

    I know you, I could already see where you were going with that one.



  115. SO I was randomly piteresting and found a picasso painting of a lady with a cat on her head from like 1904. It was so weird and it was beckoning me to be reported as some sort of copyright theft that I had to actually overcome my fear of being judged and share it as a comment since I couldnt find a way to e mail you

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