UPDATED: There is something wrong with me

True story:  One of my friends talks about spending all of his weekly bonus money on filo and I was all “That’s awesome.”  Because I love pastries.  And it’s relieving to me to know that I’m not the only one buying impulse carbs but then this week he was all “Like the new jacket?  It’s filo.”  And I was all “How are they making jackets out of pastry dough?  Is this like when hemp wasn’t just for smoking anymore?  Because I’m confused.”  Then my friend was all “No.  FILA, dumbass.  It’s a brand name.  You thought I was spending all my extra money on bread?” and yeah, I did.  BECAUSE THAT’S THE KIND OF WORLD I WANT TO LIVE IN.

Also, now I’m hungry for filo bread.

Fuck.

**********

This is where I would normally put the weekly wrap-up but I’m still recovering from touring so I haven’t really done anything worth writing about, so instead I’m doing a reverse shit-I-did-this-week by telling you what I plan to do next week.  Yay!  Everyone loses.

Next Tuesday we’re going to start to discuss the first few chapters of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened in a live book club where you can be drunk, home and in your pajamas.  It will be awesome.  Or a complete clusterfuck.  Either way it will be interesting.  We’re going to start off over on this page but if it crashes we’ll move over to twitter.  If that doesn’t work we’ll look into something else.  (UPDATED:  We’ve already moved to something else.  See the bottom of this post.)  Then ever day that week from 7-8pm central we’ll talk about the chapters until we devolve into absurdity.  To get things started for those of you who haven’t bought, borrowed or stolen the book yet I did a quick reading last night of the Introduction and chapter 1.  It’s a titch cursey so you’ve been warned.

Also, all the pictures (and more) from the book for those of you with the audio version:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/thebloggess/collections/

This reverse-weekly-wrap-up was sponsored by Dashing Bee, an online consignment store for adorable children’s clothes, gear, toys and more.  Also they have really cute clothes that you can use to dress up your Cabbage Patch Kids and they really need to start marketing that.  That is an untapped market, Dashing Bee. 

UPDATED:  I’m moving the book club over the goodreads.  It’s easy to join and is free and won’t crash my system since it’s not on my blog.  Yay for all of those things.  Click here to join in.

101 thoughts on “UPDATED: There is something wrong with me

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Queen Ladyfinger von Dusseldorf & I are giddy with excitement over Tuesday’s bookclub meeting. Snickerdoodles and vodka slushies!

    Happy Father’s Day to Victor & your dad!

  2. Firstly, “Then ever day that week from 7-8pm central we’ll talk about the chapters until we devolve into absurdity.” Wait. You mean we won’t be STARTING in absurdity? I think, then, I’ve signed up for the wrong book club.

    Secondthly, only a titch cursey?

    Thirth. Yeah, that jacket totally should have been flakey pastry instead of shiny nylon or what-have-you.

  3. I can’t wait!! And on a side note, your friend was totally buying filo and was embarrassed by it and so made up a story about Fila. 🙂

  4. I can’t wait! And who wouldn’t want a filo jacket? If the weather warms up and you’re hungry, you can have a snack and you don’t have to carry a jacket around with you all day.

  5. If I bought a filo jacket, I’d have to have the purse, shoes and accessorizing necklaces to go with it! Then I’d be spiffy enough to go visit the Prada. Oh wait – that’s Prado. Yeah, that’s it … a Spanish museum FILLED WITH HANDBAGS….

  6. OMG, LOL! Reading your book had me snort laughing and crying all at the same time. My husband kept giving me dirty looks (probably because it was like 1 in the morning and he had the gall to be sleeping). Hearing you read out loud was just as great. I’m gonna have to go re-read again to get ready for book club Tuesday. I’m not sure if my stomach muscles are up for this again.

  7. I didn’t notice the double chin, but if you’re self-conscious about it I would totally endorse you reading the rest of the book in your wolf outfit.

  8. I am on p. 150! I did not get to see you at Printers Row because I was there on Sunday instead of Saturday. Sorry. I hope you had fun! I will try to be drunk and in PJs by Tuesday night. I am starting now.

  9. and I’ve been waiting for your comments on the taxidermied cat helicopter with bated breath…

  10. Just in case, I’m gonna aim for home, drunk and in pajamas rather than ” where you can be drunk, home and in your pajamas.” Because I’d hate getting drunk at a bar, risk driving home DWI, and possibly not making it home (or the store, where I’d have to buy pajamas). I don’t actually own pajamas. Also, I haven’t been intoxicated since maybe 1990! Not to mention, after Friday’s fender-bender putting the cherry on the proverbial pile of shit that is my life at the moment, I don’t think I’ll be driving anytime soon – last two anxiety ridden nights since have been, well, a nightmare. Anyway, totally looking forward to book club night.

  11. Just finished your book – LOVED IT!!!! One of the most hilarious books I’ve ever read. I’m new to reading your blog, but I’m hooked now – I need my daily bloggess fix to make me laugh!

  12. I think I’ve read a total of 3 chapters out loud to my husband so far. And I’m quite proud of my narrating skills. I feel like he really gets the full experience. I’m pretty good at acting out weird. It comes naturally for me.

  13. Well, since I couldn’t find a jacket made of filo for lunch, I’m eating french fries instead. Oh, and burgers. But mainly french fries.

  14. I’m a little bit devastated that I won’t be able to join your book club each night, but I’m going to try to attend at least some of them. With the time difference (stupid time zones) it’ll be 2am where I am but I’ll try because I love you and how else will we become best friends if I don’t show up?

    Yea for book clubs and books called Let’s Pretend This Never Happened!!!!

  15. I’m sure the virtual book-club-reading-discussion will be great! I own a copy of your book but don’t have it in my hands yet 🙂 Can’t wait! And I totally would have thought the same thing about filo lol

  16. True story my friend sister says to her “I have a new bag it’s Guess.” My friend, “You know I don’t know any clothing brands how am I supposed to guess?” Her sister, “No idiot it is Guess.” My friend, “I told you I don’t know.” This conversation went on way too long.

  17. I’m meant to be filling in a sleep diary this week so it could be interesting explaining to my therapist why I ‘had’ to stay up till 2am to be part of an online bookclub

  18. I love hearing you read your own chapters. I am stoked about the book club. Filo dough is much more interesting and worthwhile than Fila, which costs dough.

  19. Wait… Book Club starts on THIS Tuesday, June 19th? or NEXT Tuesday June 26th? I find that some people use these word differently and it always confuses me. (YAY! I already have my book!)

    (The 19th ~ Jenny)

  20. Just bought your book yesterday and haven’t been able to put it down since. I’m enjoying both the hilarity of it all and the honesty that pervades your writing. And to think, I thought I was the only one who frequently had to deal with the term “nervous stomach” as a child. I love your book so much!

  21. My 84-year-old father has my copy of your book right now and he’s not parting with it. So I’ll just have to listen quietly (yeah right) while the rest of you talk…..

  22. I…uh..have the same problem. Fila? Can’t give two shits. Filo? Yes please. I might go have filo right now in fact. And by right now I mean later today.

  23. I’m sorry, but does anyone know what time in UK this will be..will set alarm if its in early hours whatever. It’s looking like the highlight of my week!

  24. Fila? I remember that brand being popular in the 1980s, or maybe even the late ’70s. But it seems like a strange thing for a 21st-century person to covet. I’m with you… I’ll take pastry over a retro-brand jacket any day.

    Hey, maybe you can call your friend on his/her rotary phone and offer to look out for any Members Only jackets that you might encounter out on tour, in case the friend wants to blow money on those, too!

  25. I just found out in other countries, Ah-DEE-das (addias) is pronounced AH-dee-das. Now I can’t decide whether to pronounce it like a dumb american or pronounce it correctly and sound like a douchebag. Any help appreciated.

  26. Why would your friend want to dress like a tennis player when he can dress in light and flaky pastry?

    I have a cure for your webcam induced double chin – sit below the camera, so that you have to look up at it. Much more flattering. Of course, I’m the girl whose avatar everywhere is a picture of the back of my head, so maybe you shouldn’t pay much attention to me.

  27. Amy: Don’t be a douchebag! Unless you’re practicing for a trip to Germany or something, Ah-DEE-das is want you want to say in the good ‘ol USA.

    Bonus true content: Adidas was founded by two brothers, Adi and Rudolf Dassler. The company was known as Dassler, until 20 some years later when Rudolf left to form his own shoe company, which is the present-day Puma. Adi then changed the name of his company to Adidas.

    As far as I know, there is no truth to the rumor that Fila was founded by a guy who hates pastry dough.

  28. I love this Idea of a bookclub! One of my favorite bumper stickers is: My bookclub can drink your bookclub under the table! Alas, I won’t be here this week to join in the fun. Can’t wait til next week’s meeting!

  29. I think we should have a buffet and online book club and only serve food wrapped in filo. I will bring the Bree with apples and the Rueben roll ups. Who’s bringing the pigs in the blanket and the dessert pizza?

  30. I just used phyllo (filo) in 2 recipes last night! Alli for the WIN! Meet ya on Tuesday! You’ll recognize me; I’ll be the one who’s drunk!

  31. So there’s something wrong with me, because I thought he mean Filo like Filofax. And that he was spending all of his extra money on being organized.

    Now I want a Filofax. And some Greek pastry. I want both.

    Damn.

  32. My husband just fell asleep while you were reading. I don’t know if you should take that as a compliment or a diss. Was your voice too comforting perhaps? There was no way it was out of boredom…we were just watching Star Trek circa 1966. =p

  33. Okay…I can’t wait. I hope I can participate on work time. I will be there…at work…all week during that time. I’ll have to be sneaky or at least quick with the “oh, I’m researching for a program” story. I’ll figure it out. Either way, I’m going to have to claw someone to get the computer time at the end of the day for work. It makes sense if you’re in my head…if not…well…I’m sure I fit in. 😉

  34. There’s one in every crowd, and here goes. Filo are thin flaky pastry sheets….which you know…but filo bread? Sounds delish but have never seen film made into bread. Jackets? Yes. Bread? Don’t think so. Any time you need a food consultant, I’m here for you. I’m actually about to make a filo dress now, inspired by your story. Oh, the places we could go with filo dough clothing.

  35. Wait… Forget the FILA and the filo (well, except that I love filo, although I usually spell it phyllo)… What’s this WEEKLY BONUS stuff? I never got a weekly bonus. Or an annual bonus, either, for that matter, but at least I knew they existed. For some people. But WEEKLY?

  36. Now that I’ve been drinking, and Father’s Day has brought forth some of the stepkids (thus freeing me for a few, discreet, sympathetic to “you’re-not-my-mom” moments away in order to actually watch the videos), I realize that your book reads EXACTLY the same backwards & upside down as it does the other way around. Somewhere, I’m sure, members of Led Zepplin (or Danzig, even) are writhing in envy.

    Also, I always thought Fila was pronounced “Fee-la”. Some sort of French or Spanish influence on me, I guess. Queen Ladyfinger von Dusseldorf shakes her head at me sadly.

  37. I read the first line as being about someone spending all his money on Fimo. I could go along with the joke about how it made you think of pastry, but I got really confused about why anyone would want to make a jacket out of bakeable modeling clay.

  38. I apologize in advance for my drunk comments about your book, which I keep by my bedside. I’ve also already picked out my pj’s for this event. Because it’s brilliant.

  39. The fact that the video records in mirror image is really fucking with me because it looks like you’re reading in Chinese. Not the language, the fact that they start their books at the back and from the right.
    I think.
    I know you read sentences right to left.
    Oh hell nevermind. It’s just weird.

  40. Yay! I was so excited with the 7-8 time slot, put the kids down and join in. Then I remembered we live in Autralia, snap looks like I will join in at 6 am and hope the kids sleep in! Looking forward to it!

  41. I would rather have a phyllo jacket than a Fila one.

    Would you consider reading an excerpt from the Bible for the book club? Because something tells me you’d make that shit funnier than its supposed to be and then we’d all go to hell. Yay!

  42. Actually? That is how the Zombie Apocalypse is ushered in – through filo jackets. Because wearing a filo jacket is an OPEN INVITATION to snack on a person, which, as we all know, inevitably leads to the post-industrial hostile wilderness that is the Zombie Apocalypse.

  43. Well, I gotta work Tues night (damn sick people with broken bones and stuff) so I won’t be able to attend but I’m sending my pony, Butters Butterton, in my place.

    And where does this guy work that he gets a weekly bonus??? They ain’t paying that in healthcare!!

  44. At first I was thinking “Filo – isn’t that a craft clay for making beads?” Turns out the clay is called Fimo. According to Google, Filo is slang for “First In Last Out.” Oh and I’m currently working on increasing my alcohol tolerance which may have something to do with my Fimo/FILO/filo confusion.

  45. Videos totally made my day! I can’t wait to get my copy of the book so I can be a full member of the Book Club. My pony and I are psyched!

  46. I’m totally re-reading the book. So I’m refreshed. Also, because my memory may be a little shoddy from all the alcohol.

    Whatever.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

  47. Hi Jenny, I’m sure you’ve received the Beautiful Blogger Award many times before. Here’s once more. You make the world a better place with your humor, honesty and humanitarianism (ALL the Hs are well covered) . Simply said, you make the world more beautiful by being you. I love that we live in a world where I can offer you such a thing, and would be honored if you accept it. If you decide to participate you can find out what to do here: http://nurturingandnature.com/2012/06/17/beautiful-blogger/

  48. This reminds me of the time my Mom used to read to us before bed. Except that this book IS oh so much better than anything Dr. Seuss could come up with! Big love to you, Jenny!

  49. I’m having surgery tomorrow and will hopefully be drugged up on good drugs Tuesday night still. However, I get the feeling that my drugged upness won’t be an issue. If I can remember, I hope to join you!! I still don’t have a copy of the book because I HAD to find out how the Fallen series ended. I’m pathetic, I know. I WILL read it the next time I have some spending money! I might make my book club read it, actually. 🙂

  50. I was explaining Bloggess Lore to some friends today while we were in the waiting room at the ER and they pulled up this post on a phone and read it. I think they’re hooked now. I feel like I’ve done something good for the world. Or maybe it was just getting someone else addicted. Either way, one of them ended up with a serious pastry craving for several hours after reading this entry.

  51. Seriously, this, and you, might just be the reason al gore invented the interwebs. I had so much fun listening to you read your own words. I am thinking you might like to write your blog and then just record yourself every single time for my enjoyment…what is that selfish? Whatevs, my magical, invisible, phantom pony, Sacajawea bea arther and I will be hanging with the book club, we might be too intimidated to as anything but we’ll be there
    Jww

  52. What I want to know is, what’s wrong with your friend?? Surely everyone wants to live in the kind of world where spending all your extra money on filo pastry is normal. In fact, no, you shouldn’t have to spend all your money on it! In the perfect world pastries would rain from the sky for FREE and they’d be full of cheese and spinach and mushrooms and whatever else you wish for because that’s how rain-pastry works. Like manna from heaven but more delicious because it’s full of warm puffy buttery goodness. And it has negative calories. And you have lots of money left to buy shoes. That’s the kind of world I want to live in.

  53. Shitsnacks!

    I tilted the time converter thingee trying to figure out when your Tuesday nightia in New Zealand.

    To play it safe I’m going to stay drunk and on the internets for the next 48 hours. It is the only totally professional badass thing to do.

    Totally ready to rocknreview.

  54. joined motherfucka`s…. I look forward to it.

    btw… i read the section about the OCD raccoon to my dad while he was waiting for galbladder surgery and it totally made him laugh.. but in a painful way… only cuz he was waiting for surgery… then my 12yo nephew stole my kindle and read the first 4 chapters of your book.

  55. I was very distracted while listening to you read the book. Why? Because all I kept thinking was wtf!!! I want a mirror image book too!!!!!!! See you Tuesday. 🙂 can’t wait to revisit this. Even if I *don’t * have a mirror image book. Or socks.

  56. Ok, not entirely relevant, but was the video image flipped? It was bugging me the whole time because the thick part of the book and the thin, chapter one-y part of the book seemed like they should be been reversed. Am I just nuts?

    (It’s reversed. You’re totally not going crazy. ~ Jenny)

  57. I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with squandering your earnings on pastry. Especially not filo pastry, that stuff rocks.
    I like the idea of this virtual, roaming bookclub. It’s like the ones I have in real life. We start off somewhere like a cafe or restaurant. Then we move onto a bar. Then onto a slightly noisier bar. Then before you know it we’re at 6am and it dawns on me that I’m passed out in a gutter 10 miles from the middle of anywhere.
    (My drinking club has a bit of a book problem)

  58. I loved your audio book, especially the bonus chapter. It funny, you sound absolutely nothing like I imagined. You have a nice voice, but not at all what I pictured.

  59. FILA as in, the soccer brand? From like, the ’80s?

    I think we need some more information about this jacket.

  60. I don’t see how I can participate in this. . . BUT I am currently reading your book. I’m about 100 pages in, but I suspect you’ll catch me up at some point. I’ll check out the goodreads club, since I’m already on there.

  61. I could totally see how someone could spend all his bonus money on filo. He could make a lot of spanakopita. Or baklava. I’d rather have those than Fila, any day.

  62. Hhhhmm 7pm central on Tuesday night is 8am Wednesday morning for me. As much as I would like to join the chat drunk and in my pj’s, I will sadly be driving to work :(. Cheers all!

  63. What’s really weird is, since the video is mirror imaged, that I’m seeing you the way you see you when you do your hair/ makeup/check your teeth for lettuce etc. It’s like I’m behind your eyeballs. Now I’m wondering if I’m just a figment of your imagination.

    Nope. I guess not. Since I don’t think figments ever have to pee and I do…

  64. Does the book your reading, read from right to left? Like back to front? or is it some sort of weird video crap I cannot seem to figure out?

  65. I just laughed so hard I almost choked. Love the filo story. My kids were concerned as to why I was laughing so hard because apparently this is a rare occurrence around here lately. But now I can read your book and laugh all day long.

  66. Just finished your book. Can’t tell you how much I identified with it! Now I read the title again and I am obsessing – what if the shit that felt so real was the NOT TRUE part? Then we don’t really have all this crap in common after all…..

  67. I thought it was pronounced Fee-LA…but whatever. I’m no fashion maven (and it’s quite obvious your friend is not either) Maybe you should suggest to your friend that he should save his money, forego the FILA jacket and simply dig out his old Members Only jacket & bring that dashing style back. Same diff, right?

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