Put me on Pintrest, bitches. My nails look FABULOUS.

in Random Crap

Conversation between Victor and me:

Victor:

Me:

I was the only one laughing.

230 thoughts on “Put me on Pintrest, bitches. My nails look FABULOUS.”

Read comments below or add one.

  3. I don’t get the whole Doctor Who thing, but that’s probably because I’ve never seen it. However, I can thoroughly enjoy a cat with painted nails. Thanks for this.

  13. We’re laughing too here – husband and son are re-watching (yet again) last night’s Dr Who Series 7 2nd episode…

  15. My husband just refused to help me paint the cat’s toenails. He’s no fun at all. Jerk.

  16. Wonderful! (I suspect that TARDIS’s may have evolved from Schroedingers cats, too)

    PS – are they softpaws or actual nail polish?

  22. This is awesome. Plus I’m extra impressed at your ability to put polish on a cat. If I tried that, there’d be blood and polish smears everywhere…. (my blood, not the cat’s!)

  27. I also have Tardis blue on my toenails! I like it. Perhaps Hunter S. Tomcat is actually a Schroedinger’s cat who both is and is not there-due to time travel, of course.

  33. Are those plastic nails they call soft paws? They look awesome, maybe he can be the poster cat for them…..

  39. PSA time for a sec…

    The fine feline is modeling Soft Claws or Nail Caps, not paint. They’re little plastic caps that you glue on over the nails. That way your own Hunter S. Tomcat wannabe can’t scratch up the house (or your face) but will still be fully weaponized.

    They come in all kinds of fab colors (and several brands). So if you’ve got a dagger footed feline, don’t lose the claws…just cover ’em up and give kitty a makeover!

  44. Not to mention the TARDIS-blue pants the ginger cat is resting on (he’s ginger!!!).

    What problem is that? I don’t see any problem. Geronimo! (Next time put him in a bow tie and fez.)

  46. But the Doctor (10th) is NOT a cat person. Not a fan. Which is his only fault in my book. (Nurse Nun cats ruin EVERYTHING!)
    Smith as 11? Perhaps he is. This needs to be discussed in an future episode.
    Oh Mr. Moffat…

  48. Seriously, I may have to sign up for Twitter just to keep up with your antics. <3 it!!!

  52. I don’t have a cat…:( But I have bunnies! But they don’t let me touch their feet, it takes the two of us just to cut their claws, and I panic the whole time….I’m going to make a fantastic mother!

  53. Kat said: “I’m extra impressed at your ability to put polish on a cat. If I tried that, there’d be blood and polish smears everywhere…”

    Kitty Xanax FTW!

    ~EdT.

  57. I love the SoftPaws! I have sets in green, red & a gold sparkle just waiting for the Christmas season. Totally the best thing ever.

    And a little PSA of my own – please don’t ever have a cat de-clawed. Many vets won’t do it anymore because it’s so cruel to the animal. The only way to “declaw” a cat is to amputate their toes at the first joint, just the same way to ensure that a person’s fingernails never grow back is to amputate the tips of the fingers. If you wouldn’t want this done to you, then please don’t do it to your cat.

  61. That’s awesome! Why more people in the US don’t watch Doctor Who is beyond me. Improve your lives, people!

  63. I love this :]

    My boyfriend bought me a stuffed pig the other day and after watching the next epidose of Doctor Who, I decided her name had to be Oswin.

  64. My kitties came to me sans claws but I have heard good things about the nail caps and would go that route should I ever adopt/rescue a fully-armed feline.

    Hunter S. Thomcat is stylin’! And, Jenny, I assure you that while you may have been the only one in your house to laugh, the Internet is giggling right along with you!

    As always, thanks for brightening my day. That Hunter is a handsome specimen of felinity!

  71. Don’t put nail polish on your pets! They are a product called Soft Paws – not polish!

    That being said…super cute. My Kitty has super-kitten strength and just pulls them off 🙁

  75. I recently started watching Doctor Who and I’m an addict. (On the 3rd season now.)

    I’ve noticed myself opening locks with my keys & wishing I had a sonic screwdriver instead.

    Is there a Doctor Who Anonymous meeting?

  82. Hilarious and it kind of fits with my most recent blog post if only because mine has an artist sketch of Cheetara from the Thundercats and of my favourite Doctor from Doctor Who!

  84. those claw covers are the best! Have been using them on all our cats for a number of years, and they save our furniture, plus the kitties look so festive. The blue ones were esp. lovely on Willow’s dark Siamese paws.

  85. Bahahahahaha! I was laughing and my husband asked for the joke. When I told him, his response was: I don’t get it.

    Sigh. They will never understand how awesome that is

  87. Ha! Poor HST, his claws are all malfunctioning. How will he ever get his curtain shredding, leg climbing and sofa fluffing done? Those claw caps are brilliant right up to the point when you get the cat that considers them the best snack ever.

  90. That is the only thing that could make me regret having mine declawed.
    HST looks very hip and dashing.

  95. I have been “owned” by 4 orange tabbies…2 currently…love, love, love this cat of yours!!! 😉

  100. I bought some blue fingernail polish and I am going to paint my nails for the first time in YEARS!

    Whovians Unite!!!

  102. *laughs hysterically, so hysterically in fact that she is in danger of hurting herself and needs to see a Doctor immediately. Preferably Ten* 🙂

  105. Awesome! Plus, the one thing I remember from art class in junior high is that blue and orange are complimentary colors! They are the perfect together! 🙂

  107. I’m curious as to how you got a cat with moves like HST to sit still long enough to paint said nails. I tried to vacuum my blind cat once; it didn’t turn out like it does on “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” It was more suited for an episode of “American Horror Story,” or at least my blog: http://wp.me/pAnf0-5i

  110. Wife is an inveterate Whovian; I’m not (something like the reverse of Leno’s Law of the Three Stooges). Kudos on the Softpaws, though. And God help us, foo’baww season has begun, so the Tiger WILL have it playing for the next four months.

  112. I vacuum my blind cat all the time! He loves it and comes running over when he hears it start up. The trick though is to keep fingers over the nozzle so the suction isn’t too strong.

    Here’s my boy…threelivesdown.org

    Dear Bloggess, could you perhaps post something that indicates Hunter has on nail caps and that painting your cat is not safe? Some nail polishes have substances that would not be good for a kitty to swallow. Even though it’s been said in the comments, I’m still seeing people commenting about nail polish and it worries me.

  113. (Btw…there ARE nail polishes that are safe and made for pets, but they are really more suited to dogs)

  118. Lovin’ it!!

    Blue + Orange = complimentary colour…

    It’a so cute how he’s holding his paws so you can admire his mani…

  119. In the second picture he’s kind of staring at his nails like “Damn! I AM fabulous…”

  122. How did you…? What are the…?

    Is it… like, cat gloves? Or a cat manicure?

    I’m so confused. But impressed with HST’s modeling skillz, as usual. He brings the sexy.

  128. My cat would legit claw my face off if I even attempted to paint her nails. However, I am very much jealous of the Tardis blue!!

  130. I don’t watch Doctor Who, so I don’t really get it. But it still made me laugh because OMG THE KITTY HAS PRETTY BLUE NAILS.

  131. are those the little claw covers that are supposed to keep you from having to declaw him? you will have to follow up on this because I want to know 2 things: 1. if they work, and 2. did you do the install yourself, and oh hell, 3. are you maimed as a result of said installation of blue claw covers??

  134. That color of blue is actually the color for Interstitial Cystitis, and this month is IC Awareness Month so it is apropos for HTC to go blue to help spread the word for awareness. So he can be DR Who fan as well as a socially conscious kitty. Love it

  137. A cat as a companion?
    That could work…
    Moving on: you recently wrote about your soul-crushing depression… You want to talk depression? My book barely has a PULSE, never mind still being on the NYT list after 4 months! NO ONE outside of my little home in the Niagara region gives a fuck about my work; of course, I know they have no reason to in the first place, but COME ON! “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” describes my entire writing career so far…
    I tell you what, Bloggess, I have a proposal for you: come up with some kind of crazy stunt for me to pull – short of breaking any laws, I’ll do WHATEVER you want – and I’ll do it, providing you review my book and give me your honest opinion and a blurb.
    I don’t expect you’ll see this or respond, but if you do, get creative and give The Hook a challenge worthy of the reward, okay?
    P.S. I’m going to repeat this message, as I’m sure you don’t have the time to actually read every comment. Hopefully, sooner or later, I’ll make contact and we can talk business.
    Talk to you soon, I hope!

  139. While my daughter is riding in Cycle Oregon, I am cat sitting her baby. Should I paint the cat’s nails as a delightful surprise for my daughter when she gets home?

  140. I stared at this for a little while, and then reluctantly entertained the suggestion that this may actually be your cat. And if it is, YOU GO GIRL!

  141. Not the only one; that is awesome-sauce. Now tell me how I can get my own ginger moggy to sit still enough to receive a blue peticure of his own!

  143. Hunter looks perfectly fine with his manicure. How did you ever manage that? My girls go insane whenever i try to groom them. Just to apply flea treatment, i have to buy a fresh box of band-aids and order a few pints of b-neg from the blood bank.

  144. I so did that last year around Christmas to my ginger Theodore Maxwell Duncan. Same Tardis blue and all. I wish I could share the picture because it’s so cute. I also wish he would still let me put them on him, but alas, he is huge now.

  146. I just foisted a new kitten on my future son in law. He’s still trying to impress us so he was trapped. I’m crafty like that.

  148. I am loving how he is “holding” his paws for the second photo….clearly he is a natural in front of the camera. Katie Couric is going to ask the two of you to interview again when she sees this!

  153. i was the only one laughing in my house too. my husband just doesn’t get it. sigh.

  154. LOL Love it I put pink Softpaws on my Cat Sam when she was little in that scratchy phase. much easier then painting and she got new colors every 2 months

  157. I want to know how you got him to stay still long enough to do that, much less long enough to dry…xoxo

  160. I’m a veterinary technician, and we sell softpaws…most people choose the clears, but i recently sold this same color to a couple, and they said “now he can have TARDIS blue toes! whoo!!”…they seemed WAY too excited. i’ve never seen Dr. Who (unfortunately- i’m told i’d LOVE it!), so i didn’t get it..but they were ECSTATIC!

  161. I wondered who purchased nail paint for their animals (PiggyPaint has a line of Puppy Paint, also for cats).
    Now I know! And I love it. However, my cats are too old and grouchy.

  164. Totally awesome! I would have laughed with you. Victor just doesn’t understand. Which is sad. Give him a hug from me. Pat his head. Tell him it’s ok, you still love him. Then paint HIS toenails Tardis blue!

  166. Please stop saying “between Victor and I”. It’s “between Victor and me”. Common mistake. And I correct you with much love.

    Helpful hint – if the pronoun comes in at the beginning of a sentence, use I (subjective). If the pronoun is in the middle or end, use me (objective). Also helpful if in the middle/at the end of a sentence – example – …bought a gift for Karen and I. Take out the “Karen and” – …bought a gift for I – not correct. ….bought a gift for me – correct.

  167. My cat was on my lap when these pics popped up on my screen. I think he immediately thought about my huge nail polish collection and my very real obsession with all things nail polish/nail art because he literally took off running across the house. That’s okay though. The only reason I haven’t painted his claws ’til now is because he’s a boy. But you, Jenny, you’ve now given me permission. 🙂

  168. I’m impressed that Victor knows Tardis blue, given that particular shade was a problem earlier in the week.

    I love that goofy HST almost as much as much as my own otter-wannabe.

  170. Bewdiful! Reminds me when I painted my pup’s nails metallic blue while she was sleeping in front of the heater. :o)

  173. I received a post today on FB that tomorrow September 10 (or today depending on your time zone) is Suicide Awareness Day. Please write the word LOVE on your wrist or wear yellow to show your support. I posted a picture of the post I received and a picture of my wrist with the word love written on it on my blog page. I will also be sharing on Twitter.

  174. Ha loving it. I have 4 dogs, at a guess 2 of them would let me paint their nails.

    I may go home and try it….cue Hubby thinking I have lost my mind and it might not be a good idea to marry me after all.

  175. I officially love you. You’re so very smart to love cats and Doctor Who. By the way, you really need to get that Tardis dress…I’m sure you know which one I’m talking about. Maybe for Haley? Also, please tell HST that I think he would look splendid in a red fez and bow tie.

  176. My kitty wears hot pink softclaws! Not so much for fashion, but so it’s easier to tell when one’s fallen off and needs replacing. I used to use the clear ones, but when the curtains mysteriously began shredding, I realized something had to be done.

  177. A great start to my Monday – Hunter in Tardis blue and the hope that maybe the good Dr. will come and whisk me away to 5:00p Friday. . .

  178. Softpaws are awesome! Thankfully I’ve now trained the little bastard so I don’t have to use them anymore, but cats Hunter’s age are a little to bratty to be trusted to keep to the training.

  181. SWEET! I saw a girl at the Y who was wearing a shirt that said “I *heart heart* Gallifrey.” I told her I loved her shirt and she said, “Hooray! Someone who knows! Being a Doctor Who fan is like being part of a secret club.” Then she showed me her TARDIS tattoo on her wrist. Kick ass.

  182. I’ve always wanted to paint my cats toenails but thought it would be dangerous for her. Let me know if HST gets a little wacky. Otherwise, hot pink nails for my kitty kitty!

  183. Pukey and Whiny (our cats) aren’t so much into painty naily or touchie feelie, they’re more into scratchy bitey bleedy so this wouldn’t fly. Kudos to you though.

  184. Love the color. I am amazed HST sat still long enough to have his nails painted. Kudos. Hmm. I wonder if either of my dogs would allow it?

  187. I’ve been seriously debating on buying Link (our cat) some Green (he is named after the Legends of Zelda character, afterall) claw caps. Please let me know how they work out for you, as far as entertainment and actual usefulness, too. 🙂

  191. I’m just going to sit here with my mouth agape at the realization that you both managed to paint a cat’s toenails and get the cat to “pose pretty” for photos. This is strong Kung Fu.

  192. My sis put pink caps on her boy cat, Randy’s toenails. He looks a lot like HST. Mostly it’s because we like to humiliate them with feminine touches. They also love to wear perfume. And get red lipstick kisses on their heads. And wear princess costumes. Especially after they got neutered.

  193. Love the manicure! I could not get those to stay on my little Stormageddon though! How did you get Hunter S. Tomcat to keep his on!?

  194. My little girl Chubbs is currently rocking hot pink. In fact, I regularly lie to her father and tell him the PetSmart is sold of of clear and other colors that could save him a little bit of dignity and allow him to keep his man-card. Watching him manhandle Chubbs and glue hot pink nails on her really makes my life about a billion times better. Whatever, he owes me for making me watch football. You know, instead of shows with real historical significance, like Dr. Who.

  196. Curiously, HST looks very calm about the whole thing. He’s not pulling one of his Kray-Z-Kat faces (which I love) or posing all angular with legs in every direction. In fact, he looks rather pleased about his blue nails. Perhaps he’s trying to shift his career from roles befitting that Carrot Top guy who used to run around in commercials about how to make public telephone calls in the pre-cellphone days to more serious roles for a method, character actor who digs deep to make an emotional connection with his pedicure? Either way I’m looking forward to seeing both of you on tv on Thursday.

  197. Chester Copperpot, who is a gigantic 9-year old version of HST, just got soft paws and he hates them. I even got clear ones so he could maintain his badass catitude but as soon as I get them on the bastard plucks them off and spits them at me. It didn’t matter when we lived in a shoe box and our furniture consisted of a futon and IKEA chairs.

  198. I used to put purple SoftPaws on Tobias. He was very metro!

    He also learned very quickly that NOT clawing the door frames meant he didn’t have to wear them!

  199. Well you’re not the only one laughing now. I think it is hilarious. I just got a new kitty from the shelter this weekend. She is the most gorgeous jet black so of course I had to get her sparkly pink nail covers. After what she did to the laundry basket this morning, they are going on today.

    Hooray for kitty manicures!

  200. The look on HST’s face is priceless. He’s all, “Bicker about this Doctor Whosit all you want. I KNOW I am working these nails, baby. Fabulosity ahead — watch out!”

  202. I’m laughing too, lady…and contemplating wrestling my ancient grouchcat to the ground to attempt the same…

  203. Back up this monkey train… is there really a nail polish color in honor of the best blue box ever in existance? Please tell me where because I am sitting in my car, with the car running waiting to find out where I need to drive to find it. I’m willing to cross state or international borders.

    Also, I blame you for my obsession with Doctor Who. You and Christopher Eccleston. And David Tennant to a lesser degree.

  206. If those are what I think they are, good luck with keeping them on. They may have improved them since we last tried them, but I think our cat Snowball (all white with blue nails) kept them on maybe a week. We would find the little caps all over the house, and he was intent on showing his rage, on all of our furniture, when he got them all off. He wasn’t ever one to scratch anyone, my mom just didn’t like the results of his “making bread” on blankets/pillows/couch cushions, so she thought the caps would be the perfect solution.

    On our next cat, Emma, we went the “inhumane” route and had her front paws declawed when she was fixed. It didn’t seem to bother her because she used her teeth and back claws like mortal weapons. She would always scratch at the cabinets like she was sharpening her non-existent front claws while giving you murder eyes….she pretty much always had murder eyes though, she was a Maine Coon. The top cushions on our couch have little holes everywhere from her leaping on it from the counter and trying to “stick” the landing like she was going for Olympic gold. It scares me to think of what damage she would have caused if she had her front claws.

  207. So, did it work? Are they still on, or did he chew them off right away? How did you get them on? Did you have someone hold him down or sedate him? I’ve wanted to use those little claw covers for a while, especially because my 7-year-old really likes picking up my not-so-thrilled-to-be-anywhere-near-kids cats. Give us an update on how well they work! Enquiring minds want to know. Alternate tactic: Do it for the poor, sad, scratch-encrusted children, Jenny.

  209. I read you once, it was the giant rooster story. Laughed my ass off.

    I’m adding you to my favorites, because anyone with a TARDIS phone skin (I have one too!) and a cat with TARDIS blue nails, is bookmark worthy.

    How do you feel about Rush? Neil, Geddy or Alex?

  212. Ok stay with me on this … There is an old British series called To The Manor Born. It is running, again, on our local PBS. Episode one, at the very end in the manor’s study, there is a lamp. A lamp that has a base that is held up by a STUFFED ALLIGATOR! What? Yes, all your little friends were some kind of fashionable trend to have animals hold lamps in stately British homes! Check out this clip at about 6:26. Gosh I hope you read this. I was soooo excited.

  215. Is it wrong to have a goal as a writer to write an episode of Dr. Who?

    I think there’s a market for makeup in colours like Tardis blue and Star Trek Captain red. Why doesn’t that exist yet?

  216. I bought TARDIS blue nail polish for myself to mark Season 7, so I see nothing strange about this at all. It’s going to be hard to top the scene with the Doctor, Rory and Brian riding a dinosaur who’s chasing a ball like a Labrador retriever. I mean, you just know the Doctor’s been waiting his whole life to ride a dinosaur.

  218. Jenny Lawson, does the metric tonnage of your greatness ever feel like a burden to you? Because to me and to many others, you light up the sky, and star-stuff is dense and heavy. Thank you for carrying the torch. Thank you for being the torch.

  219. I am glad I am not the only one who has thought of doing this. But how do I keep future-cat from retracting his claws while they are wet and getting them forever glued inside his paws with nailpolish. That is what I fear will happen!

  221. YAY SOFTPAWS!

    For those readers contemplating painting their pets’ nails – DON’T! Buy these – http://www.softpaws.com/
    I didn’t know they come in sparkly colors now. So awesome. I’ve never tried them, I just clip, but I hear they are awesome (like Jenny)!

    Hunter S. Thomcat – STYLIN’

  223. Let me also say to never, EVER declaw cats. It’s a horrible thing to do and it leaves them totally defenseless if they get outside. Not wild about putting polish on a cat, either, but the soft paws is a cool idea – one of my cats makes a “sticking” sound with every footfall because she’s too crazy to let me clip her claws!

  225. adorable 🙂 I am guessing those are the things to keep the cat from clawing the crap out of everything?? I never got brave enough to try. I figured there would be tons of bloodshed, and rubber cat claw covers glued to me when I got finished.

  228. I love Soft Paws! We have black and white cats, orange is fab this time of year.

    But…. since our household is also Whovian… TARDIS Blue is a fave as well. 🙂

    I really, really hope that some posters go back and read the full thread of comments before thinking that you actually painted HST’s nails with real polish. I have one cat that will keep them on the entire life of the caps and one that Houdini’s herself out of them in a day (but she also doesn’t scratch the furniture). /lucky

  230. Thank you, Jenny, for “keeping it real” and encouraging the rest of us to do likewise.

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