It can’t *not* be shared

in Random Crap
Awesome.

I get lots of weird/awesome/ vaguely questionable stuff in the mail, but every once in awhile something comes in that I just have to share.

This is one of those times.

This a taxidermied mouse made by my friend Heather (a fabulous funeral director) of Mortuary Report.  

Victor: Wow.  That dead mouse looks just like you.  It’s like your friend has been spying on you.

me: Especially the tube-top with no pants.

Victor:  Exactly.

me:  We really need to get blinds up.

(The mouse in the back is Hamlet Von Schnitzel and he’s under glass because he broke his legs when he was doing a photo shoot in New York.)

PS.  As requested this weekend from 8 million people (8 million = more than 4)…Lean into the weird T-shirts.  (Alternate version.)

PS.  There’s some awkward empty white space here.  I am going to fill it with a video of Mister Rogers flipping everyone I don’t like off.  I recommend.

214 thoughts on “It can’t *not* be shared”

Read comments below or add one.

  8. The teensie curlers! I love it! And “photo shoot” huh? Just remember Hamlet, once it’s on the internet, it’s forever…

  10. I came across a David Sedaris essay on buying a mounted owl. Thought of you, of course.

    Loved that line when I read it. Very pleased to see you put it on a shirt!

  11. That’s awesome! And I think I need I need better friends as I’ve never been gifted myself in taxidermied mouse form.

  13. My head might explode from the awesomeness. I just can’t chose a favorite- Bloggess Mouse or Juanita Weasel. It’s just too much!

  14. The only thing I’ve been sent in the mail recently was a “Deepest Condolences” card from my grandmother telling me how sorry she is to have lost me to a life of sin.

    Want to trade?

  20. This has to be the greatest addition to your collection yet! I especially love she is standing on what looks like dice that says “Precious Marvel.” How awesome is that?

  23. Wait!! your friend Heather is a funeral director at a funeral home for mice? Is she allowed to do that with corpses? Does this mean that somewhere there is a little mouse family with a huge taxidermied human who used to be someones uncle Herbert or something sitting in the corner of their little mouse living room? And apparently, co-enzyme Q10 is good for building bone strength, but I don’t know if it works on dead mice, I will have to read the label on the bottle and get back to you on that one…

  33. She is missing the bottle of Xanax in her side pocket. Oh wait, maybe she stores them in her hair dryer. A very smart and endearing mouse. Your friend is a genius.

  34. I never thought I would feel such warm/fuzzy/cute feelings about taxidermied animals until I started reading this blog.

  35. (YOU ROCK SO HARD! Thank you for fixing my oopsie doo.)
    ((another horrid side effect of no caffeine. I say things like “oopsie doo”))
    (((Fuck)))

  38. She’s a Precious Marvel….

    sorry to hear Hamlet Von Schnitzel broke his legs in the line of duty

  39. That’s just awesome! I wish people would send me taxidermied (I know that’s not a word… I have spell check!) in the mail… I would love to get odd and weird things via post!

  42. That is the coolest mouse ever!! How great is it to inspire people to make taxidermied mice based on you?!?!

  72. Yah, it’s cool, but can she make one out of Peeps that looks just as good? Ha, didn’t think so! <3

  74. Oh, Hamlet Von Schnitzel. This is the risk you run when you follow your dreams to New York. You might see the lights of Broadway but it’s far more likely that you’ll just get your legs broken by the mob. (I assume the mob was involved in his injury.)

  75. You have some fucking awesome friends! She does look just like you! Where the hell does one find such tiny hair rollers and blow dryer, anyway? I don’t think she’s wearing a tube top, I think maybe she’s wrapped in a towel. Absolutely adorable! I never thought I’d say that about a taxidermied rodent, ever.

  77. That is ADORABLE! That’s kind of amazing.

    In other news, I had seen a tweet from Anne Wheaton talking about dog vomit. When I saw this post, saying “I can’t not share,” I was convinced it was going to be a puddle of vomit with googley eyes. Then, I realized she doesn’t blog and you don’t have dogs. Also, that you’re two different people.

    Here’s the moral of the story, kids: wait to Twitter until after the caffeine.

  79. But poor Hamlet Von Schnitzel is now separated from his love by a terrible force field!! Look at how his little hand is beating against the glass as he shouts out to her like Dustin Hoffman at the end of the Graduate. So maybe little miss mousey should be called Elaine?

  81. I bet that is something you never imagined your husband saying out of love, “wow, that dead mouse looks just like you.”

    Now THAT is true love.

  82. So I’m at the register ringing up this girl’s purchases, and I ask her “is that a real mouse?” And she’s all “uh, yeah”. And I’m like ” DO YOU READ THE BLOGGESS?!!” And she starts laughing, “actually this is for her!” Way to go, Heather! I knew she would turn out awesome! Jennifer, bringing our world just a little bit closer together.

  86. That is adorable.

    Also, I just fvcking choked on my gum because of that Mr. Rogers video. Holy fvcksticks is that hilarious.

  88. OMG. The Bloggess for Prez. I’d love to see you at a debate and your mousey friends with you at the podium. Of course, the podiums would be in a giant bathroom. 😉

    Can’t believe Fred Rogers put the eff you right out there for the kids!

  97. Mr Rogers middle finger is my phone wallpaper.
    I’m disappointed to realize it was not a malicious flip off.
    I will continue to regard it as such to please myself.

  99. I would rather see a Bloggess Mouse than the decapitated (except for a whisker pad on the right) young wild mouse that I came upon yesterday morning in the living room. I need to pay attention. When the cats stare at something that long (heat vent), there’s going to be a carcass somewhere.
    The feral cats outside thanked me for the snack.

  105. As a fellow miniaturist I would LOVE to do this mousie to scale (although not in my preferred 1:48″ )but 1:12″ would be awesome. Thank you for sharing!

  106. I wish I got your mail for like a month. I don’t think I could handle it for longer than that, because I don’t have enough room in my house, but a month would be cool. Or land me in the psych ward. Either way, it would not be boring.

  108. thank you for Mister Rogers…it’s funny how something so simple is so freakin funny!

  110. The mouse is so cute, a perfect gift for you. You have awesome friends. (Not to denigrate my friends. They’re awesome too.)

  111. Love it…..I mean, *her.* I’m pretty sure you’ve already arranged to have yourself taxidermied after…..well, you know. Am I right?

  112. LOVE the new mouse “bloggess!”
    The video totally cracked me up. I loved Mr. Rogers as a kid.

  113. I have been begging for one or more of my friends to pitch in and buy me this uber fabulous pegasis taxidermy mouse. She is beautimouse and I would name her Francine, but nobody loves me enough for a dead animal to show up on their credit card statement. I am quite jealous.

  118. Did you check out Heather’s Expelliarmouse? He’s so cute, although I don’t think I could spend $100 on him . . .

  123. I found a flat dead mouse in the bottom of my trash can Monday. I thought of you.
    I asked my husband “do you know why there is a flat dead mouse in the trash?” and then I laughed my crazy laugh.

  126. Looks like Zazzle made a grammatical oopsie on your “alternate” lean into the weird shirt: they moved the “just” to the wrong spot!

    “Sometimes you just have to lean into the weird” is what it’s supposed to say (pretty funny, too).

    Unfortunately, it says: “Sometimes you have to just lean into the weird”, which does not quite make sense!

  128. I went back to read the post about Hamlet Van Schnitzel–how he broke his legs at the photo shoot, but no . . . so either this is a result of your mild ADD or mine. And I was treated to my favorite Bloggess sentence beginning of all time, “In all fairness . . . always leads to an ROFL kind of denouement.

  129. I have never seen so many taxidermied animals before following your blog! This one is absolutely adorable however! Love it!

  131. She is adorable! You have a very thoughtful friend. I think that’s because you are so engaging yourself that you draw nice people to you (see James Garfield’s Christmas miracle). You are a national treasure.

  133. To everyone wondering about the dice the Jennymouse is standing on, those are called Haikubes, and they are pretty awesome. My dad gave me a set for Christmas. What you do is roll ’em all, and make a haiku out of the results. I actually got “for science” as two of mine, so they might be psychic.

    Anyway, that is an awesome present; I’d say better than the Haikubes, but I don’t think I’d like a taxidermied mouse under any circumstances. That’s just me.

  137. Mini Bloggess! That’s awesome. It’s amazing how well your friends know you. I agree with Mayor Gia this is the first step toward a Bloggess Doll 🙂

  139. My friends send knitted scarves. I’ve NEVER received anything dead and stuffed. I have to get my own.

    BTW, would you like a stuff javelina? I shot it myself. I didn’t do the taxidermy, though.

  140. I still remember the days when girls wearing tube tops was a major perk of going to high school. It’s hard to describe the Christmas-Eve-like anticipation of spending each day just a school prank away from getting to see the boobies of gals my own age.

    Almost as fun as the day the English teacher lost her shit because the first Farrah poster had come out, and was posted on the glass in the yearbook room next door to us, and each time she tried to show us a movie, all the guys’ head immediately swiveled ninety degrees to greet this latest avatar of the goddess.

    Good times, good times.

  142. Damn–I was all set to buy a “Lean into the weird” t-shirt, but if it doesn’t feature a pic of Hunter cuddling Copernicus, what’s the point?

  144. I always wear a corset with no pants! On a serious note… thank you for always brightening my day with your stories!

  146. I love the little Bloggette. But honestly, I’m still a little bowled over by Mr. Rogers flipping me off. NO. DOUBLE FLIPPING ME OFF. I needed that.

  148. Why, oh WHY, do you continually make me cry with laughter while simultaneously snorting wine out of my nose? Why?!

  149. fabumouse! love him. her? and mister rogers giving the bird? oh em gee. i can’t get enough of that. and what’s the like twirly thing he does during “run away???” i’m dying. and the kids? holy crap. where did those kids come from and can i change mine in for them??? they are like frighteningly nice stepford children and i want them.

  150. I’d rather pictured you as a flying squirrel of sorts…hmmm…guess you never can tell these days!

    Oh! And in a rather brilliant moment today, I thought of a fabulous title 2.0 for your slutty costume post…why? because I think about you all the time…CREEEEEEPY….I digress…Are you ready for this? You’d better be because it’s about to happen with or without your consent:

    Whore-loween.

    You see?! GENIUS!

    Somebody fucking hire me?!

  151. The thing about tube tops is that they’re uncomfortable with pants on. The other thing about tube tops is that they’re uncomfortable without pants on.

  152. Also, apparently, I’m not as much of a genius as previously assumed…went back to look at the comments on said costume post, and realized people had already stolen my idea!!!! I fail!

  153. Oh how I love this!

    But a tube top and no pants? That’s … *bold* … if not a little breezy.

  154. I’m loving the “precious” and “marvel” die that Mouse-You is standing on. What are you going to name her?

  155. don’t leave me hanging! how did Hamlet Von Schnitzel break his legs during the photo shoot? it was that dick on the plane, wasn’t it…

  156. My favorite part of that video was the little kids flipping shit off after he flipped them off.

  164. It must be amazing to have such amazing friends. So, now the very important question of what her name shall be? Please tell us, we’re on tenterhooks here.

  167. I hate that now I want dead stuffed mice. Actually, I lean towards Octopi, which I think, in the right hands, could make adorable dead things. Think of all the possibilities with 8 pose-able arms…

  175. LOVE the mouse – so awesome.

    I bought myself a t-shirt – the perfect thing to wear to the next sci-fi convention I go to! Yay!

  181. Scrolling down, I totally thought the mouse legs ended in giant blocks of cheese or something. Personally, I think a mouse with cheese feet would be kind of awesome, but not accurate.

    Unless there’s something we don’t know.

  182. Jenny – she is FAB-U-LOUS!
    I am a first-time comment-leaver but long time reader! I LOVE your blog!
    I still go up to my husband when he is in a bad mood and say, “Knock, knock mother fucker!”
    Gets a smile everytime!
    Of course, it helps that I do it while wearing a tank top without pants. : )

  183. I would never think of you as being mousy. Never.
    That’s pretty extreme though – a mouse taxidermied to look like you. You know you’ve made it, girl!
    Kiran

  185. I followed the link about Hamlet Von Schnitzel breaking his legs in New York when he was there for a photo shoot. The post was a hoot, but it didn’t explain how he broke his legs. Is that classified information?

  186. I love you. I really really do. But this right here? This is where you and I have a parting of ways. Not as in I am never coming to your blog again…but as in this shit is not at all cute and it scares the bejesus out of me.

    I hate mice. I don’t care if they’re alive, dead, taxidermied, or Mickey Mouse’d. I just want them to be NOT AROUND ME. Since I live on the East Coast and we’ve been visited with cooler weather, the mice that normally hang out in my back forest decide – EVERY YEAR at this time – that its time to stop camping and move back indoors. Meaning my basement, and up the walls to the cozy condo with fireplace that I call my stove, where they take great joy in peeking out from UNDER it or climbing up the back to do shit like JUMP INTO THE GREASE CAN I KEEP NEXT TO THE STOVE. TWO STUPID FUCKING MICE DID THIS. AND THEN, THEY WERE TOO GREASY TO CLIMB OUT. And I am not gonna lie to you – after I screamed and shrieked and basically tried not to have a coronary, my two children came, sat me down, told me to calm down, that they would take care of me and the mice.

    My 2 kids are 8 & 5.

    Fucking SAD, huh? They managed to put the top on the can, dump said can into a shopping bag, and while we were out on errands we dropped off our “package” into a garbage can. One FAR AWAY FROM MY HOUSE.

    I did the putting it in the garbage part. That was my only contribution to this whole drama. That and the sound effects of shrieking and pure hysteria.

    So no, lovey, I love you dearly, but the mice need to be killed for a second time.

    Mice. (shudder)

  187. Just got my library copy of your book (can’t afford to buy) after waiting SO LONG.
    It’s wonderful.
    Thank you.
    🙂

  188. I feel like it should be some kind of tradition to send people weird versions of themselves so they can see how others see them. Clearly people see you as completely awesome. I think if someone tried to represent me it would just be a tub of icecream wearing sweatpants. Not as awesome…

  189. I completely forgot how fricking hilarious that hotel-night-before-the-photo-shoot blog post was. I just about died (again) laughing at my desk right now. In other news, “Lean into the weird” is going to be my new life motto.

  196. Mouse Bloggess is awesome. She belongs in her own space on your page so everyone who comes here can be amazed. Kudos to the friend!

  201. This was on cnn today. It’s you!!! You’ve got to click on the link- it shows the taxidermy mouse passed out from a martini with a book. SO you.

    “The work of a group of artists, the Morbid Anatomy Library collects curiosities of many kinds. Among the eye-catchers: instances of anthropmorphic taxidermy, the resurrected Victorian craft of dressing dead animals in adorable little outfits and posing them in human activities.”

  204. Unicorn Meant can be bought on Amazon. Thought you’d want to know. I would have just bought it and shipped to you, but I have no idea what your address is so….

    Frequently Bought Together
    Canned Unicorn Meat + Maybe You Touched Your Genitals Hand Sanitizer
    Price For Both: $12.39

    These items are shipped from and sold by different sellers. Show details
    Buy the selected items together

    This item: Canned Unicorn Meat by ThinkGeek $9.99
    Maybe You Touched Your Genitals Hand Sanitizer by Blue Q $2.40

    Product Description
    No foolin’ – Unicorn meat is real! Excellent source of sparkles! Rick Bite Unicorns, as we all know, frolic all over the world, pooping rainbows and marshmallows wherever they go. What you don’t know is that when unicorns reach the end of their lifespan, they are drawn to County Meath, Ireland. The Sisters at Radiant Farms have dedicated their lives to nursing these elegant creatures through their final days. Taking a cue from the Kobe beef industry, they massage each unicorn’s coat with Guinness daily and fatten them on a diet comprised entirely of candy corn. As the unicorn ages, its meat becomes fatty and marbled and the living bone in the horn loses density in a process much like osteoporosis. The horn’s outer layer of keratin begins to develop a flavor very similar to candied almonds. Blending the crushed unicorn horn into the meat adds delightful, crispy flavor notes in each bite. We are confident you will find a world of bewilderment in every mouthful of scrumptious unicorn meat. Tasty Magical Beast Diagram Parts Unfortunately, due to restrictions on the importation of mythical processed meatstuff, we are unable to bring you Canned Unicorn Meat in the way the Sisters of Radiant Farms intended. When you open your can, you will find one tiny unicorn which has been appropriately sliced into its main cuts of meat. Simply use your Growth Ray to re-embiggen the unicorn before skinning it and processing its flesh. Or if you’re lazy, just bring it to your local Mad Scientist-Butcher. He’ll know what to do.
    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004CRYE2C/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B004CRYE2C&linkCode=as2&tag=iloco0b-20

  207. I never thought I would be a fan of taxidermy, then you came into my life. I LOVE this mouse, you have awesome friends. Can I be your friend? Also, it’s my day off and I have to go into work, I was bummed. Then you shared Mr. Rogers flipping everyone off and suddenly, life is too good to be believed.

  209. Did you see this one (see picture 4) from the Morbid Anatomy Library?
    http://www.cnn.com/2012/10/18/travel/seven-gross-places-america/index.html?hpt=hp_bn10

    I quote: “The work of a group of artists, the Morbid Anatomy Library collects curiosities of many kinds. Among the eye-catchers: instances of anthropmorphic taxidermy, the resurrected Victorian craft of dressing dead animals in adorable little outfits and posing them in human activities.”

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