Strange bedfellows

in Random Crap, weekly reruns

Hunter S. Thomcat often drags Hailey’s stuffed animals onto the couch to cuddle them.  Today I walked in to find Copernicus the homicidal monkey with his mealy fists wrapped around Hunter’s neck:

A monkey has murdered my cat.

Then I poked Hunter and he was still alive and seemed pissed when I tried to rescue him, so instead I just reminded him where the knife drawer was and he looked at me like I was totally overreacting.

"Don't judge us."

Sometimes you just have to lean into the weird.

************

In unrelated news, it’s time for the weekly wrap up.

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

This week’s wrap-up sponsored by The non-girlfriend, a hilarious and often times confusing cautionary tale.  She was MIA for awhile, but as she deftly puts it:  “The bitch is back“.

162 thoughts on “Strange bedfellows”

Read comments below or add one.

  4. OMG, when you were worried Hunter S. Thomcat was conspiring with Copernicus to kill you, YOU WERE RIGHT! Hunter S. is learning the ropes from the master. I don’t think you should ever sleep again in your house. If you do, you may wake up DEAD! And if you wake up dead, then you’re a zombie! Oh my god. I’m so sorry.

  6. OMG, Copernicus is where Hunter learned how to “hug” you…it’s a trap!

  11. Oh gods the Who ending. It wrapped up what the series ending didn’t and while the series ending didn’t phase me, that short video did. *bawls like I’m 3* Thanks for letting me know about it, lord knows BBC isnt the best at informing those of us across the pond of things of that nature.

  12. Don’t worry–I’m sure Hunter S. Thomcat subdued Copernicus’s homicidal tendencies with a plethora of drugs before any snuggling commenced.

  16. I can only imaging that HST’s namesake also woke up to a homicidal taxidermied monkey at least once, so in all honestly, when you named him that I am really thinking you were just asking for this to happen.

    Seriously, a “Just lean into the weird” needs to be a T-shirt, bumper sticker and coffee mug. I’ll take three.

  17. The Weeping Angel cosplay is one of my favorite things ever, and, someday, I will make one of my very own.

    My favorite part of Cookie Monster Batman: “Hey, watch this: COOKIE!!!”

    LOLOLOL

    Good things. Good stuff. Regarding the unorthodox kitty love, we’re all fighting for equality, here. What a kitty and his stuffed pal do on their own time is their business. As long as they’re not leaving random bits of stuffing all over the place, I call it a win.

  19. Are you sure Victor isn’t just trying to fuck with with your head??? It seem like a small jump from keeping track of huge cocks to arranging a tryst with your small loved ones. Hmmm…

  22. Oh gosh. I thought you showed me a picture of a dead (non-stuffed) cat. Nice to know it was a living cat and a dead (stuffed and homicidal) monkey.

  23. I love your cat! Seriously, HST has to be the coolest cat ever. My cats, Bosco as Bocephas, are jealous of him.

  27. Hilariously adorable! I’d be concerned about them plotting the demise of the household, however. That’s only if Copernicus can operate the tools necessary to feed Hunter S. Tomcat, though; otherwise you’re probably safe.

    (Sidenote: rereading the Copernicus origin story, I’ve come to realize just how often people look at me after I’ve said something and ask “What is WRONG with you?”)

  29. He’s so lucky to have a family that respects his right to love whomever (or whatever) however he wants…even if it is a homicidal monkey.

  32. There is definitely some conspiring going on there…that look you got says it all. I am surprised, though, that HST didn’t pretend a bit more that he was in danger so as not to give it away that they are plotting against you…hmmm.

  33. omg, that cat was meant for your family. and i guess now that i think about it, the monkey must be meant for the cat.

  35. My five year old just walked past, looked at the pictured and cooed, “Aw, look at the kitty. He loves the scary monkey.” And then walked off like it was absolutely nothing.

    Meanwhile, now I’m concerned that my son’s in on the conspiracy too.

  36. Remember, a hug is just a strangle you haven’t finished yet. Or, it’s a homicidal monkey getting it on with a deranged kitten. Either way it’s a win win.

  38. In terms of pictures of cats hugging homicidal stuffed monkeys, that has to be the cutest one I’ve seen all week.

  39. Well shit. Your cat has a better manicure than I do. Also, I’m glad that I wasn’t the only one who thought he was getting tips from Copernicus on how to strangle. It seems he’s not done with his lessons. I’d watch that cat the next time he gets all huggy.

  40. the “don’t judge us” photo is the best! I felt their bleary-eyed, mellow outrage at your interruption. next time at least knock first!

  41. Um… and where does one find such a wonderful couch? And how, exactly, did you get your husband to agree to it? Any advice would be appreciated!

    (I spotted it on the side of the road. It’s actually a chaise. I stuck it in my office because it didn’t match anything else in the house. ~ Jenny)

  42. I think this whole little scenario is a plant. Part of your dastardly plan to turn all of into cat-lovers. I… Will NOT… be swayed… ARGHHH

  44. i *told* you he was getting lessons from copernicus!! watch yourself, jenny. homicidal cats aren’t unheard of…lol

  48. The cat-monkey love is just too cute 🙂

    That costume is OUTRAGEOUS. Whoa. And the ad for the Cookie Monster video was even funnier than the video! I always LOVE your round-ups 🙂

  52. bless you for posting the Doctor Who P.S.
    You are always doing things like this to prove you are the the fantasticly cool woman I think you are

  53. Oh. My. Noodles. That weeping angel costume is indeed the best halloween costume EVER. And probably the scariest, simply because you’d actually expect it to be a statue!

  54. Oh. My. Noodles. That weeping angel costume is really the best ever! And probably the scariest too, simply because you wouldn’t expect it to be a person! It looks so life-like, er, I mean, not.

  56. I just want to know who put the blue nail polish on Hunter (but I could be hallucinating).
    Also – zomg. The Doctor Who ending <3

  57. Hunter’s nails are blue. Is that some kind of lids to protect the environment from his lethal scratching ?

    (Yep. Soft paw caps. ~ Jenny)

  59. Sometimes a kitty just needs a cuddle to make the world better. Don’t we all? *sigh*

  61. You told Hunter where the knife drawer is?! Why are you encouraging his homicidal tendencies?

  62. As long as you are not making a connection between the male of the species and their predeliction for handling the monkeys nuts – that’s all I have to say

  68. How do you go rescue such a rad cat? All my cats bite me or shit in my closet. And don’t you dare tell me it’s me man, that will hurt too much.

  70. Um, maybe Hunter S Thomcat was asking for advice from Copernicus since his desire to strangle you when sleeping wasn’t going his way. Or maybe I should have kept that thought to myself. Sorry about that. Here’s hoping Copernicus had laryngitis!! 😉

  72. I once found my cat humping my Victoria’s Secret blush brush. I had to buy a new one by the time he was finished- it was all dread locky and gnarled to the bejesus. Dick.

  75. Interestingly, my Max E Cat also has an infatuation with stuffed animals etc. On any given day, I will come home to find a number of tee-shirts, stuffed animals, blankets, pillows and other soft things in my foyer. Every once in a while he mixes it up by leaving something on the floor in front of my bedroom door in the middle of the night…pretty sure that is solely because he enjoys hearing me shriek with terror with I step on something that starts talking to me while I’m on my way to the bathroom at 3AM.

  77. I LOVE HST. I’m so jealous. I have two cats- both females. And they’re both bitches. Granted we found them both as little itty bitty kittens half starved, but really can you sit on my lap for a minute. Do you have to growl when I want to cuddle. REALLY!

  78. Evil woman for posting that Dr. Who video. I’m crying now. I’m glad you posted it, too. What happened to Brian was a huge dangling thread for the show.

  81. Oh, boy….now my seven year old wants a Copernicus to sleep in her room with her cats.

    The girl cat already drools all over Uggs while having a mating ritual with them in the night..*Almost* worse than pee–it’s all gushy!!!

    I’d hate to see the humping and drooling all over a monkey. Victor would have to lend me that burlap sack he wanted Copernicus in! I’ll just live vicariously through your pics!!

    Jillian Todd Portrait Couture–Beauty Photography

  82. After I left for college, my dog would wait at my bedroom door to be let in at bedtime. When she saw I wasn’t there, she would take one of my stuffed animals to cuddle with, too.

  83. “Sometimes you just have to lean into the weird” is going to be my new, life-affirming mantra. And I’d love it on a shirt in your “5 grams of Uncut Cocaine” store. I’d buy seven. Or three and wash them. Or seven, maybe I’d get a mass quantity discount.

  89. Awwww, Hunter just wants someone to hug. Even if it is a murderous stuffed monkey.

  90. When I need a hug from a strange, partially decomposed, scary as hell stuffed toy, I prefer it be a homicidal monkey.

  94. This is too cute – thank you for sharing!

    (One of my cats matches Hunter S. Thomcat – orange boy cats are funny guys!)

  97. I’d sleep with one eye open. Before when HST would hug you, it just looked like a harmless hug.

    Now that he’s getting lessons from Copernicus I’d start to worry about the future hugs you receive.

  99. Oh I need a shirt too and why dont I have insanely cute cats like that. They only kill the kiddos stuffed animals and leave a trail of them all over the house. I dont know how Victor managed to rescue the perfect cat for you but he did. Please please more HST more more more

  100. Of all the cats in the world, it is truly fitting that Hunter would end up with you. You guys are just MADE for each other. Any cat that can appreciate Copernicus’s hugs is a cat worthy of ruling the Lawson household, and clearly Hunter has accepted his position with enthusiasm!

  104. This may be a stupid question, but uh, is our little Hunter wearing nailpolish? I can’t even get my boys to sit for the nails to be cut. You must be some crazy saint among cat hypnotists….because, though he’s capable of it with his crazy brain, I just don’t think it was his idea…

  105. Um, went to your pinterest link. Sunday is now just a memory! Thanks for the wonderful distraction.

  110. Thank you for posting the “For after you’ve watched the last Doctor Who…” link I would not have seen it otherwise.

  111. HST and Copernicus look adorable having their little huggy session! I guess evil monkeys need love, too. And you send me on crazy, meandering, winding Bloggess rabbit trails that, literally, can last for hours. I was working, trying to finish up prior to Dead People Returning To My Screen. No idea if I’ll finish on time now. Can’t miss the Dead People. Work gets the bump! It’s seriously all your fault, though.

  112. “Sometimes you just have to lean into the weird.”

    This is a universal truth. Thank you for the reminder.

  113. Not to bring it down, but I had to take two Xanax tonight and dealing with MS. Just trying to make it through. Having a hard time.

  115. I’m having so much stress right now. Haven’t found enjoyment in anything, I had to force myself to read your blog, and I’m glad I did. You always cheer me up!! Kthxbi!

  116. He has the same look of enjoyment on his face that my cats have when they are rubbing their butts on their giant teddy bear cushion. I try to ignore the fact that they clearly enjoy the feel of it’s fur on their pussycat toilet parts but make sure that I wash and air it once a week…(the teddy cushion, not the cat’s toilet parts).

  117. I’m so _not_ a cat person, but the pictures of HST hugging Copernicus are so sweet that they totally made me want a cat… I’m not sure what this says about me.

  121. I love your “I’m a bad influence on cats” picture! And Homewood Public Library was the first place I ever worked! You should come meet that awesome cat and then I could meet you too…

  122. Agreeing with those that love the “Sometimes you just have to lean into the weird”. It would make a cool mantra.

    And the pictures are over the top cute.

  124. Seriously. “Sometimes you just have to lean into the weird.” NEEDS to be on a tshirt in your store.

  125. Weird leaning is a hobby of mine, in addition making macaroni jewelry that none of my coworkers will buy. And that cat is precious. So is that dead stuffed monkey.

  130. What Gadiac and Jess said. That’s coming from a woman who for years drove a van with vanity plates that read “WEERD” and whose email address is “@weirdness.com”. Which is why I am SO stealing “Sometimes you just have to lean into the weird.” It’s just too fucking perfect.

    And you HAD to post the Doctor Who unshot ending, didn’t you? You knew damned good and well it would make me get all weepy at work. And it did.

  133. I dunno…I think we should have all seen that coming. At least a mile away. HST + Copernicus = Total Sense.

    And yay! Pipsqueak, the LPTNH-loving cat! I think it’s so neat you linked that! (and commented on it)

  135. My cat, Meownce Knowles has a bizarre propensity for snuggling with my son’s underwear. Hey, love is love. As long as they don’t name they’re baby Blue Ivy, who am I to judge?

  137. What a couple! If only they could fornicate. Can you say superhero baby? The Incredible Monkey-Cat or Anthropoid-Feline-Man? Just sayin’. The world needs a new superhero.

    The RB

  139. Oh dear, all I said was “look! Ginger cat!!” To my fat cat & now I think I need new curtains & possibly glass for the living room window…

  140. That is amazing. My cat, Labamba, likes to carry cabbage patch dolls around the house. He also takes their pants off. Labamba and HST would probably be best friends. They would bond over their inappropriate love of stuffed things.

  142. alright, jenny. let’s really talk about why HST’s nails are painted a new color every time we see him 😉

  143. As I meandered the internets today, I came across a link that I *thought* said “Hunter S. Thomcat shaves Johnny Depp’s head” and I clicked, because I thought “I wonder if the Bloggess knows her cat is out prowling the streets, shaving celebrity heads”. But then, it turned out to be Hunter S. *Thompson*, and not the cat at all. Which makes more sense, now that I think about it.

    http://imgur.com/OeJ9L

  144. oh, the love a cat and her dead monkey, or a dead monkey and her cat, or, hell, I don’t even know, but they do make a really lovely couple

  145. We have a crazy polydactyl tabby who enjoys dragging stuffed animals around the house as well. (No children here yet, but one is due November 21st. Yes, we are a grown couple with stuffed animals.) I think she considers them her prey, though, because once she has carried them to whatever spot is appropriate in her odd little mind, she sits there and yowls over them until we praise her.

    At any rate, that is the cutest homicidal couple ever.

  146. I’d look into your state’s inter-species relations laws, but if all checks out, I say let the cat and monkey canoodle!

  147. HST rocks….he seriously rocks! Also this – “Sometimes you just have to lean into the weird” is now my new life motto! Screw everything else!

  148. How would you feel if someone wrote fanfiction about you? Just curious…totally not happening. Don’t know what you’re talking about. Oh look, is that Beyonce?

  150. When are you creating A HUG IS LIKE A STRANGLE YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED YET cards? I ask because Sweetest Day is coming up on the 20th and I have nothing to give my husband. As you are in Texas, you may not know about Sweetest Day because it really is a Great Lakes region kind of holiday. It’s like a low key October Valentine’s Day.

  151. On Saturday, I took a bunch of supplies to our local humane society, and I was watching the kitties play in the cat playroom… there was a little orange tabby polydactyl kitten. For reals! I wanted to bring him home with me, but I also like to breathe.

  152. Thank you. I met you in MA during a book signing and told you that you helped me realize that what I am feeling is not normal; that the darkness will fade, my teacup will spin around again. I come here to realize that. I am glad you are here.

  154. Damn cat got the jump on me. Next time he pulls this shit, he’s gonna end up stuffed, right next to Hamlet Von Schnitzel and the new Bloggess Mouse.

  158. Oh my. I was bawling like an infant curled into a ball on the couch with a blanket wrapped around me at the end of the last episode of Dr. Who. I think that was bittersweet. I’m bawling again…but I like “hearing” of Amy and Rory having a life and being happy. I hate waiting for Christmas :grrr:

  160. Oh my, I had dachshund and a cat that had a very special relationship. My female dachshund used to hump my incredibly vocal male cat. It was a unique sound I will never forget, and I still get asked to perform my imitation of it at parties. Not sure what this has to do with your cat and the evil monkey, but I suppose I am just saying at least his partner is quiet 🙂

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