Oh. What?

In the last week ten people have sent me this article because it “made them think of me” and they thought it might be helpful for my health. The article starts with “A dose of parasitic whipworms cured monkeys with chronic diarrhea.

So, yeah.

In their defense, the article does quickly move to the fact that the sick-monkey worms were also helpful for auto-immune diseases and I do have two of those, so fair enough.  In related news that is not quite as funny as diarrhea-monkey worms, my rheumatoid arthritis has gotten much better in the last year because I started taking a monthly “injectable tumor necrosis factor blocker“, which sounds like it would be awesome because it’s a “tumor blocker” but the side effect is that it can give you extra cancer, which is just rude.  Also, it can kill you and it makes your urine weird.  Surprisingly, I am not being paid for this endorsement.

In other not-funny-but-possibly-needed news, I have lost 30 pounds, but in my defense (because I don’t take compliments well) it’s mainly because depression makes me unhungry.  So, thank you for the sweet comments about the weight loss but it’s actually just because I’m too crazy to eat properly so I feel like I shouldn’t be allowed to benefit from those compliments.  And also I’m still technically overweight so I’m still allowed to make fat jokes.  I just wanted to clarify.

Also, I had something really funny to add here but I can’t write it because Victor said it felt vaguely racist and so I called my friend to ask her if she thought it was racist and then Victor was all “You’re calling your black friend to ask if something is racist?  THAT IS TOTALLY RACIST” but technically I was going to call all of my black friends and do a poll, but then I got distracted and now I can’t remember what the joke was.  Way to ruin it for everyone, Victor.

156 thoughts on “Oh. What?

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Weight loss counts, no matter how you did it, even if you used tape worms. Rejoice in any little thing you like!

  2. My depression made me gain 30 lbs in 3 months last year, and has made me have almost nothing this week besides coffee and cigarettes. Basically, depression hates my digestive system.

  3. Dear Jenny,
    I found your book on the shelf next to Fifty Shades of Grey in the airport, while on the way to my husbands brothers wedding. I love your views on life and I nearly wet myself when I read the story of your father and the squirrel puppet. You are brilliant, and funny, and you need to keep doing what you’re doing, if only so I can live vicariously through you.
    Love Mi

  4. Thanks, Victor. I also once lost a great deal of weight from stress and depression….everyone thought I was dying but were afraid to come right out and ask.

  5. I think you are allowed to benefit from any compliments you like, actually.
    And I would *love* to see all products endorsed with such honesty. Wouldn’t it make adverts so much more interesting? (at least for a bit)

  6. So, against my better judgement I clicked over for the monkey diarrhea thing, and my eyeballs can’t seem to get past the sentence that begins with “Loke’s interest in whipworms was stoked by…”

    I can just hear him saying, “Dude! The whipworms got me all STOKED and shit!”

    I’m sure it’s a very scientific article, however.

  7. Hugs to you. Depression is hard, regardless. I wish I had something funny to say…which, I could cut and paste your funny words…but, that would be old news to you. Thanks for giving the world your light, even when it is hard to see past your nose.

  8. I don’t know, any article about parasitic whipworms, monkeys, and diarrhea just begs to be read, in my opinion, if only to find out how it all ends.

  9. Man, all I got for losing weight without trying was a stupid new diet from my GI with a bunch of foods I”m supposed to avoid that my body apparently can’t digest well. Sadly, some of my main food groups are on the list, like mushrooms and onions. I really miss onions.

  10. You need to learn to eat your emotions! So much better for you than not eating. 😉 In other news, the next time I am admitted to the hospital for a colitis flare I will ask about the monkey worms!

  11. Depression and anxiety has made me gain about 15 kg in the past 2-3 years. Or maybe it was all those fat-bastard cakes. Anywho…

  12. I heard a report on the radio about how parasitic worms can help auto-immune disease (I too have RA), but I think I’ll skip that. I get the heebies from just seeing a worm after a rain storm.
    The tnf blocker has been very helpful to me as well.
    And darn if depression doesn’t have its positive side effects!
    Thanks for keeping me laughing, even on the not-so-good days.

  13. So infecting yourself with whipworms may regulate your auto-immune system. The downside is you are infected with whipworms. On the one hand, you have a possible treatment (emphasis on “possible”). On the other intestine, you have whipworms. You definitely have whipworms. In your gut. What was the name of that tumor blocker again?

  14. I can always ask MY black friends if it’s racist, that way it won’t come off as racist, and we can stick other questions in there. For instance, I needed to ask them if it was okay to wear an afro wig tomorrow night anyway. They are surprisingly unfazed by my stupid questions.

    And also, you looked really great last weekend. All-round. Even under the table (Sorry I unknowingly walked back there while you were hiding. I felt like a jerk for interrupting.)

  15. Anywho depression also makes me really forgetful. So what was supposed to come after dot dot dot was I’m trying to take walks while the sun is still up, damn you 20 something degree tilt of the earth. Supposedly that worKs just as well as SSRI.

  16. So….I have chronic IBS…I’ve tried EVERY TREATMENT KNOWN TO MANKIND….but…w.o.r.m.s.????
    Scuse me – I had to go to the bathroom just thinking about putting those into me ON PURPOSE!!
    NopeNopeNope!!!

  17. So how did you get so lucky that depression helps you lose weight? It makes me eat and therefore gain weight which truly sucks. I’ve gotta get outta my funk or my ass will stop fitting into my clothes and I can’t afford to buy a new wardrobe right now.
    On the flip side, parasitic worms….funny as hell!

  18. I was just diagnosed with c.diff. they give you two treatments for this. Antibiotics, and a fecal transplant. Yes, putting other peoples shit up my ass will cure it because my shit is inadequate. Really. FECAL TRANSPLANT. Maybe you can do that instead of whipworms andvwe will both be cured. And be like shit sisters.
    FYI, they want $1300 to put the shit up my ass. I was like, does someone have to die like forva liver or something?” And they say oh no, your husband would be the donor.
    Fuckity fuck what?? I pay you $1300 for something I have to hear and smell like clockwork every morning?
    So yeah. C. Diff. Cured by fecal transplants. I’ll do it if you will. Maybe Victor has Super Shit too.

  19. Mood disorders are fun. Like when your doctor puts you on Phentermine to counteract the Seroquel and Lorazepam to calm down the jitters from the Phentermine and Wellbutrin to counteract the depression from the negative voices in your head that you take Topamax to silence.

    But worms are NOT the way to go, just because they’re gross. I know, because I had a cat puke up a gutful of tapeworms once. I was a teenager at the time and he always officially became my cat whenever cleanup was required, but when I saw that the pile of vomit was writhing, I screamed and ran out of the room. My mother yelled at me, but I still don’t feel any guilt about it.

    None of that really had anything to do with you, because everything is always about me, and I don’t think they’ve invented a pill for that yet. But you really are the best! Somewhere, you get through to me.

  20. Maybe Victor has parasitic monkey worm envy. Or maybe he needs them to kill that bug that crawled up past his sphincter. And losing weight, even due to depression, is a good thing. Unless it’s due to starvation and you live on another continent. Oh crap I’m wandering into racism, too. That dang Victor.

  21. I’ve been experiencing the kind of depression that usually pushes women into the arms of strange men but since I’m married to the love of my life, strange men are not at all an option. So I eat whatever comfort food my heart desires and savor every fatty, sugary, creamy bite. Until I no longer have the need for comfort. I’m sorry the depression is causing to not eat, I hope your depression causes you to crave healthy food. Can you imagine? I’m so depressed! Can someone please bring me some carrots and celery? Kale I must have kale to ease the pain inside of me!

  22. I think I need some of those parasitic worms. I’m sure they can be ordered from Gilt Group or Haute Look, right? Along with the pink ostrich Hermes Birkin bag they had on there for $53,000. I’ve been on a Vegan diet for three weeks and haven’t lost a pound. So yesterday I put gravy on absolutely everything and ate all the chocolate covered caramels out of the 2lb. box of See’s candies my sister sent.

  23. As a fat chick on anti-depressants, let me say: take the weight loss however it comes!! Best to ya, and thanks for keeping me smiling through my tears even as you are doing the same. 😀

  24. I want you to feel better 🙁 And so I am going to beat a dead horse and suggest again that you hook up with a naturopath and check into maybe that you have adrenal fatigue. And you might have some food intolerances that fuck with your body chemistry in a way that affects your mood. For example, gluten makes me *seem* psychotic…which I’m technically not. Since I stopped eating gluten, I no longer act psychotic. I have other examples, too…but I’m already overstepping boundaries by pushing this idea again.

  25. Every time my anxiety goes off the rails I lose like 10+ pounds. I definitely do not recommend that particular weight loss program.

  26. The last 25lbs I’ve lost were more from being too busy to eat breakfast AND too lazy to pack a lunch, and less actually effort. I feel just as “Eh… don’t complement me on that…” about it.

  27. Please, please, please get yourself checked for Celiac disease. It is an autoimmune disease that causes other autoimmune diseases and several things you have said make me think you probably have it. If you do have it, it’s actually a good thing, sort of, because you may get relief from some of your other issues (and not just autoimmune issues) just by changing your diet…

    (It is estimated that 1 in 100 people have this, and 90% of them don’t know it…)

  28. Note to self: Do not read articles mentioned by Jenny before dinner. Or after dinner. Maybe I’ll just never eat again. That should stop the weight gain. Maybe. But my life doesn’t work like that. Way to go, life.

  29. Glad yo know I’m not the only one who runs vaguely racist stuff by a black friend before posting it. I do that too. Doug makes fun of me for it; but he was business major from NJ so what does he know?

  30. I wish I had unhungry depression. I have eat-until-sick depression. Like, my mouth is a black hole depression. Eh, you get the picture. Depression sucks but I still want to congratulate you, so there.

  31. Glad to hear the RA is getting better, Jenny. I am seeing improvement in the Myasthenia Gravis I was diagnosed with earlier this year, although I now have to use a wheelchair to get around (the muscles that are used in breathing were affected by the MG, which makes walking any sort of distance very difficult indeed.) I’m still trying to figure out this “medicine that will cure you, but might give you a fatal cancer” thing out myself.

    Happy Thanksgiving!
    ~EdT.

  32. Yah..when I have drastic weight loss and I get compliments, throwing out the “Oh this? Stress and depression diet. Works wonders, but I don’t recommend it. I’d rather be fat and happy”. Shuts people up pretty quickly. I suppose I should just smile and say thanks!

  33. There is an episode of radiolab about parasites where a guy cures his insane allergies using worms. It is really gross and really cool!

  34. Oh, Jenny– I’m so fucking happy to hear that SOMEONE other than me stops eating when they get depressed. When I mention this to any friend, many look at me as if they WISH they would catch my depression so they could toss off a few pounds. It doesn’t quite go that way, my friends, you have to add to it a few things:
    -A total lack of wanting to take care of yourself
    -Developing fabulous hibernation skills (very helpful in the snowy states)
    -Having your world drop any semblance of color of life.

    I love my friends, really I do, but I get so angry(at least I’m feeling something!) when they toss the “I wish I’d get depressed so I could drop 15 pounds, too” out at me.
    So glad I’m not alone. Thank you yet again, Jenny.

  35. At least people mean well. And their good intentions led to another kick-ass post, so you’ve got that going for you…
    In other news, my career still sucks, so you can always take comfort in the fact that someone else is feeling worse than you…

  36. I am here to tell you, as one of the blacks, that it was probably racist but also probably funny as hell. I mean first you were talking about porchmonkeys, and then…Oh. Wait…

  37. Depression makes me unhungry too. Unfortunately, it makes my metabolism think I’m stranded after a plane crash with nothing to eat but toothpaste, snow, and (eventually) Ed Asner (No, not THAT way). So I always get even bigger. If you think of a normal metabolism as a talent, you can still take credit for the loss. I know I would. Well. I would want to anyway.

  38. I can relate with the depression. I lost 30 lbs during it and people keep saying I look great. Well, it wasn’t fun getting here 🙁

  39. damn that Victor and I agree with the others, why can’t I get the lose weight depression instead of the mac & cheese +20# kind!

  40. Having chronic I-wish-I-was-dead-itis myself I’ve actually seen the worms reports before. If only they had a type that took care of fibromyalgia. I FINALLY found a med (or perhaps the combination of all FIVE meds) that was helping a little….. and then I blew up like a whale and was so swollen I looked like I’d had ridiculous amounts of botox. Doens’t matter if I eat or not, the meds have packed on 50 pounds. Then people have the gall to say “if you’d lose weight….”

    Shove it.

  41. I’m sure I read about them using whipworm eggs to treat chronic autoimmune disorders in Nottingham in the UK 6-7 years ago, let alone in monkeys!

  42. Errr, well I guess it’s nice for people to be thinking of you? I hope your depression starts to get better soon…stupid illness, messing everything up.

  43. it’s ok jenny.. i lost 25 pounds when i had to have unexpected surgery this august. i either couldn’t eat, or what i did eat, just went thru me.. so it was all not by my efforts. i ended up gaining almost 10 of it back since then.. damit. i do hope to go back to losing again.. on purpose, but i don’t care to find another illness to make me do it. including parasitic worms. *shudder* i don’t take compliments well either. ever. and depression for me.. was lay on the couch & cry depression. don’t think i thought of food one way or the other. i didn’t gain or lose weight, so i guess food was ‘status quo’ for me.

  44. Are you sure the worm treatment was a recent not a hysterical…er historical article? Great post by you though, had me rolling. I wish you better health.

  45. I keep reading about hookworms for my R.A., but the thought of walking barefoot through infested poo just killed it for me!

  46. Way to go VICTOR! And I can totally relate about the weight loss w/ the depression because I have recently done that myself…I don’t even know how many pounds it’s been but let’s just say I started the summer two sizes bigger than I am now. People are all “You look like you’ve lost weight!” “You’re looking great!” yet they are ignorant of the fact that I really haven’t eaten for two days because I can’t drag my sorry ass far enough out of bed to make it to the kitchen. But thanks anyway…sort of…

  47. My husband and son have psoriasis and give themselves weekly Enbrel injections, which is great for the psoriasis and DH’s psoriatic arthritis but one of the side effects is DEATH* so I keep a close eye on both of them.

    * Enbrel turns down** the immune system, which is why it works for an autoimmune disease but is also why it can KILL YOU.
    ** This is a technical term.

  48. Cathy with c diff. Have the fecal transplant. My sister suffered through antibiotics and then steroids with her c diff. She had to go on disability. Her doc told her nobody in town did fecal transplants so she did her own with her boyfriend’s poo. She is an RN. She said it wasn’t something she’d want to repeat but she wished she’d known about it 18 months earlier. The antibiotics and steroids made her case worse.

  49. I’m depressed that 9 other people mail you about whip worms. BTW, you cannot see the worms, it is microscopic eggs and in a capsule or something. It is the pig whip worm, Trichuris suis, which dies off in humans in a couple of weeks. I think that is so they can charge your for another dose.

  50. Dear Lord. Of all of the things he doesn’t sensor I would absolutely LOVE to hear the thing he did! WAY TO RUIN IT VICTOR!

  51. Where is there a better place for inappropriate things if not on the internet? Wasn’t that why it was invented? Dammit Victor…

  52. You always manage to make me laugh, no matter how bad my day has been.

    You are very lucky, most of us eat MORE when we are depressed. A good friend of mine, who lives in Louisiana (I live in Arizona) and I are dieting together, and have a joint blog so that we can cheer each other on and maybe even be a little competitive. (I think the loser should fly the winner out to see her. What do you think?)

    And quite frankly, a dose of “parasitic whipworms” sounds damn tasty if it will help my condition. You DID say they were INGESTED, right? Wait, it cured the diarrhea, so perhaps it’s a suppository?

    No wonder you on’t have an appetite *laugh*

  53. Okay, so no parasitic whipworms here but if you get a chance, check out Dr. Swingle, Vancouver, BC. He deals with brain waves and trains them to be “non-depressed” (that’s my interpretation, anyway). My sister in law went for treatments, is now off her antidepressants and feeling so much better. She goes back now and then for a ” tweak” but otherwise is able to function and cope with stuff. It’s a new therapy but definitely worth investigating. Very non-invasive and minimal side effects save for some funky dreams.

  54. Just once, can one of my meds’ side effects be: “May cause unrelenting sexiness, rapid weight loss, and sculpted abs”??

  55. Simponi has worked really well on my RA. I have to take it with methotrexate unfortunately. Been symptom free, mostly, for about six months. Reoccurring UTIs have been my only side effect so far.

    Good luck with your RA, it’s a bitch of a disease.

  56. Having had ulcerative colitis for over thirty years, I had heard of the worm treatment. And if I got bad enough, as gross as it seems, I would eat the damn worms. Just pass the salt and pepper.

  57. Oh my freaking god! If someone sent me an article on parasitic monkey worms, I would have to get a restraining order. And, as usual, Victor is wrong! I seek advice from people of color all the time, because otherwise I wouldn’t have a clue about KPOP.

  58. Fear not Jenny, I know where that weight you lost is……it has made its way across the oceans to me and is now residing on my backside. You can have it back whenever you wish – no problems. Seriously, keep well kid and damn the worms.

  59. I don’t understand – if you don’t ask your black friends if something’s racist, how will you ever know? What, is Victor one of those “Just don’t say it at all” kind of people? How are you ever supposed to learn?

    A discussion group I belong to on Facebook had a racial draft (ala Dave Chappelle Comedy Central), and I had to go and join Team B because all the really cool people were there. As a member of Team B (for black, of course), I learned that I am supposed to give all uses of the word black (or blackish) racial overtones. So, this post is really appropriate on Black Friday!

  60. So several years ago at the age of 40 I decided I didn’t like plain socks any more and I went out and bought a bunch of cutsy pre-teen socks with little animals and other designs on them. (I think this was my pre-midlife crisis.) I happily wore the cutest ones and went to work showing them off to my co-workers. I showed them to my friend Marilyn and she just looked at my socks with monkey faces on them and looked at me and said “It’s a good thing I know you just don’t think that way. You may not want to go running around showing these off to other African Americans. They may think you are trying to hint at something bad.” As I looked at my friend in absolute horror, I told her that I showed them to Kim another African American co-worker. Marilyn just looked at me, shook her head slowly, started laughing, then told me I was lucky I was still in one piece. I asked if I should apologize to Kim and she told me to just stop while the stopping was good. Sometimes you need to be able to go to your friends to check and see if you are an idiot. It can save you from blithely losing a limb. (Marilyn still laughs at me anytime the topic of socks comes up in conversation.)

  61. Next time, you could post it and say you’re asking for opinions as to whether or not it’s racist. That way no one is racist because it’s only a poll, but everyone gets to know the joke.

  62. I am a little in love with the fact that Victor told you not to be potentially racist and We’re All Mad At VICTOR!

  63. Well darn. I want to know what it was. Thanks a lot Victor. =/

    In other news, I don’t care if you don’t take compliments well. If you feel better losing the weight, good for you! If not, well then you can just ignore that, I guess. And yay for not being in as much pain and stuff!

  64. Yeah I lost all of my baby weight in less than two weeks because the pills I couldn’t take while pregnant either weren’t working yet or needed to be adjusted because my crazy changed I guess. So I lose a ton of weight and fit in my regular clothes again which is good but then my friends who just had babies all hate me fore losing weight so quickly so now I’m MORE depressed. But since my bipolar meds are off I’m also really manic so while I’m not eating I’m also running around the house wrapping Christmas gifts and obessing over where the packing tape is, which I feel is a valid calorie burner.

  65. Gosh, Victor! I used to think you were cool. Now I never will again! YOU RUINED MY LIFE! Ok. In fairness, I’m sure I’ll ake it. But, we don’t KNOW that for sure. It cold be the very thing I need to know to save my life from a serial killer someday. And now I won’t have the knowledge, and I’ll die. Good one, Victor. My blood is [hypothetically] on your hands.

    And now my boyfriend thinks I’m crazy. Even better. Why he didn’t know that months ago is beyond me, but still! Your fault again! You should be ashamed! He was my last defense against the serial killer. It’s final. I’m going to die now. Thanks a lot, Victor!

  66. Hahaha….I am so jealous of you! I kind of do the opposite when I am depress….I turn to food like its the little piece of wood drifting in the endless sea of sadness….

  67. If my doctor said to me, “Let’s put some whip worms in your stomach. You’ll feel MUCH better.” I’d have to take another look at his medical degree to make sure it wasn’t written in crayon.

  68. Mix depression with just about anything and it results in toxic waste. period. Add years of clinical serious depression to cancer treatment and let the fun begin. My friends and family, no matter what, want what is best but no one really knows for sure. Everyone and Every treatment is different. I fired my last oncologist because she said I had to come of my medication that has kept me mentally balanced and alive for the last 10 years – but to her me taking this anti – cancer drug that has side effects of suicide has a higher percentage of non re-occurance of cancer. When I asked if people died because they put a gun in their mouth – does THAT count as a non-cancer related death stat? SHE did not have any answer. Just dont die on thier watch. There is always more to the story and always more to the WHOLE patient. At your worst and most vulnerable you have to fight for what you feel your body needs. Scary as hell. after a while you just gotta go with your gut. Your quality of life is the business of you and your family and friends that love and care for you. Just saying

  69. Firstly; nice going, Victor..! (I’m not racist; I believe in hating everyone equally..)

    Secondly; I think I would still have opted for the surgery if offered the whipworms as an alternative (I suffered from Crohn’s Disease in the now dim & distant past. Though, if you can get past the varying levels of constant pain, it does keep your weight down..!)

  70. I love when I tell my mother I’ve been too anxious to eat. She says “Oh! That’s great! Keep it up.” Hope you die of starvation, too, Mom, Loveyabyeee.

  71. Parasitic whipworms? Sounds like a great Christmas gift for one particular, um, nemesis I know. But I suppose if I could order some and send them to him he’d never read the directions. Cause, you know, he’s a guy.

    Unless they’d survive a swim in cheap beer first. Then he wouldn’t need any directions. Hmmmm.

  72. dying. love the tumor blocker. like the depression meds that “can cause suicidal thoughts.” WTF??? i wish they would just say, “these meds will help you. or, you’ll die. but, at least if you die it will be quick?” seriously, people.

  73. How many diarrhea-monkey worms and injectable tumor blockers does it take to cure a Bloggess? There’s gotta be a non-racist joke in their somewhere. I’ll wait patiently until you find one Victor-approved. Or slide one past him that is vile and inappropriate.

  74. Another commenter here suggested getting checked for Celiac disease if you haven’t already – just wanted to second that comment! Celiac and RA are closely related autoimmune diseases and sometimes occur simultaneously. We’ve recently discovered that both of these run in our family after my sister was diagnosed with Celiac and everyone else started getting themselves checked. Turns out we have a couple cases of Celiac and a couple cases of RA in the family, all of which are being greatly helped by a strictly gluten-free diet.

  75. I wish my depression was hunger-free! I have fat depression. Now I’m depressed because I have depression envy. And because I’m fat.

  76. So frustrating with meds. More times than not, we suffer more from the meds than we do the illness that we are treating. I’m always amused at the commercial with the long lists of possible side effects, including death, that some pleasant sounding person is telling us about in a tone that makes it sound like this are benefits we are receiving.

  77. Hmmmm… I see that the aforementioned “black friend” is calling you out. Not only that, YOU ARE AGREEING WITH HER.

    Ms. Lawson, pardon me, but i do I think your pants on fire.

  78. (did she give you the go-ahead? does that make it a conclusive poll? can we hear it, ma? can we, can we, can we?)

    (She did give me the go-ahead but I’m still a bit worried so I’m doing a full poll. ~ Jenny)

  79. I know it is wrong to be jealous about it but I am so jealous that you stop eating when you are depressed, because I eat everything when I am depressed.

  80. Pffffffffttttttttt! Take the compliments and be proud…. Loosing weigh is a real withy process….. Feel better and I gave an extra prayer of thanks for you and your humor this Thanksgiving.

  81. Thanks to your tweet I found the wikipedia entry for “fecal bacteriotherapy.” Apparently poop transplants can also be used to help constipation. How is adding more poop to that scenario helpful? And what doctor had a patient who was constipated, and thought to him/herself “Hmm…I bet if we took a healthy person’s poop…and use it to give the constipated person an enema…no more constipation”?

  82. Hmmmm…mild depression (also stress and anxiety) makes me eat more. Maybe I’m not depressed enough…

    And thanks for ruining the joke, Victor!

  83. If you have two auto-immune diseases, shouldn’t they cancel each other out? It only seems fair that somehow your various illnesses should hold each other in check.

  84. You are worth the compliments, even if you are crazy (your words, not mine). You always make me smile and laugh (in fact I almost got into trouble at work when I was belly laughing at your daughters finger raised high and proud the other day!!) Congrats on the weight loss and thanks for the laughs 🙂

  85. To be fair I also have Hashimotos and celiac. So I guess it’s autoimmune jackpot in this house. He just get the “good” aka cancer causing scary drugs

  86. You should call your black friend who ALSO has an autoimmune disease to share the monkey article with them and then casually be all “Oh hey one of my friends who I’m pretty sure is totally racist told me this joke and I wanted to tell you so you could also hear how racist it is and how it totally wasn’t MY joke, but really I just called to tell you about the monkey article.”

    That will be so smooth. They’ll never know your true intentions, AND you’ll get their honest opinion about the joke. BONUS! As you would say, “You’re welcome.”

  87. Congrats on the weight loss even if it is depression induced…weight loss (as long as it is not anorexia/bulimia induced) is still a good thing. Your “tumor blocker” sounds like it would be on one of the commercials I see on my grandma’s tv when she is watching TVLand (which seems to be marketed to the elderly, and the infirmed), and I am sure the side effects list would be scary as hell.

  88. Ah, that’s because it’s not a tumor blocker, but a tumor Necrosis blocker. Necrosis means something like ‘killing of cells’. So it blocks your immune system from killing tumor cells. It also blocks other things your immune system does, like in your case the attacking of various innocent tissues, wich is why it helps you.

  89. I actually read up on those worms because they are supposed to help with allergies. But I think they would have to put me in a medically induced coma to tolerate knowing there were worms inside me.

  90. I have the fat depression…the only thing that keeps me from exploding from fat is that my anxiety kicks in when I run low on food and need to go to the grocery store. I HATE going to the grocery store, or shopping anywhere for that matter. Unfortunately I don’t loose weight very fast, ever, so I just get hungry enough to go to the local fast food drive-thru and come home again. I need to have skinny depression because I need to loose, oh, say about 100 FUCKING POUNDS, but noooo…I have FAT DEPRESSION…and I can’t loose an ounce…I also have thyroid issues without medication to boost it, so that pie I ate on Thanksgiving is gonna stick around for a while…a long while…

    I wish I was manic….but I’m not bipolar…just depressed….

    Feel better, Jenny…take the weight loss any way you can…fat is not good…ever.

  91. Just had to comment even though this is not really the “proper” spot on your website.
    I literally just finished reading your book today. One of my FB friends posted that it was
    a “LOL” funny book and I had to check it out. First off, I will say that I’m usually a “true
    crime” type of girl but your book was the best thing I have read, I can honestly say, EVER.
    I laughed my A*S off from the start and found so much in your book I could relate to. When
    I reached the chapter that touched on your anxiety disorder, I truly could feel what you’ve
    gone through. I am 36 right now and have had Panic Disorder and OCD from my early 20’s.
    All I can say is, I have months on end that I feel pretty darn good, but then, BAM, one crazy
    panic attack and it’ll take me awhile to feel confident again. I am recommending your book
    to pretty much everyone I know and just want to say how happy I am I decided to read your book.
    Best wishes always, Becky

  92. Wait! Hold up! Stop the freakin presses!!! There is a direct line to thebloggess that appearantly like at least a dozen ppl have it?

  93. Medicine is always fun. My favorite was after I had my thyroid out because of thyroid cancer. I go in for an ablation, which is basically radiation that targets any leftover parts of thyroid (did you know thyroid tissue can travel throughout your body?) Yea. They come into the room dressed in hazmat gear, holding a solid metal tube with tongs. They open the tube and dump out some pills, which they then hand to my non-hazmat geared self and inform me I am meant to swallow it.

  94. I take Simponi too! Thank goodness for that stuff. I’ve tried other injections (Enbrel and Cimzia), but Simponi has done wonders for me. Way better than all the others. No injection site reactions, no weird side affects. I don’t know about the worms though…those don’t really sound like a good time.

  95. Since the filter between your brain and mouth/fingers is clearly broken it’s nice that Victor acts in some fashion as that filter. My wife acts as my filter. Shit gets real when she’s not around. It’s a wonder I’m alive.

  96. O.M.G. I love you. Thanks for making me smile on a Monday.
    p.s. I tell everyone to read your book; I’m sure they are sick of me, but &^% ’em.

  97. Yep, the GI docs in the clinic where I work are starting up a new whip worm research study for Crohn’s this month. Luckily, I’m currently not in a flare for my colitis. Not that I qualify, besides being on an anti-TNF injection myself (starts w/ an “H”). At least that seems to be working for me.
    Also, working in a GI clinic, we’ve been doing fecal transplants around here. Seems to be an actual help to folks with chronic C. diff. Icky. We had to buy a blender specifically to blend up the donor poop so you can put it back up someone’s behind. Like a reverse colonoscopy.

  98. Re: losing weight–I’ve been on Ritalin for years, which dramatically increases my already-persistent tendency to forget to eat entirely. I’ve been known to go weeks at a time subsisting on ~1 meal a day (my best estimate is that monday-friday [I don’t take my meds on the weekend] I ingest approximately 500 calories per day on average).

    So yeah, I know all about forgetting to eat. Yesterday it took me until 11 pm to realize that my persistent stomach ache was because I HADN’T EATEN ANYTHING ALL DAY. You have my sympathy.

  99. Have you considered eliminating wheat from your diet? I have less problems with inflammation without it. Have you seen the book Wheat Belly? Very interesting, even if a tad preachy. I’d recommend checking it out. Can’t hurt, right?

  100. So… I’m a long time reader and I generally don’t believe in commenting… BUT I’m pretty sure the universe would kill me if I didn’t just jump in and say that research article was published by a grad student in my lab! Vicarious fame on this blog = Potentially the highest point in my graduate career? Maybe…

  101. Glad to see that there are others who are jealous of your skinny depression.
    Also glad that there are others with your skinny depression.
    We are not alone.
    Have you listened to The Mental Illness Happy Hour?
    Good stuff, every week.
    http://www.mentalpod.com
    Paul has a running bit about the good things about depression and one of them is “never having to diet.”

  102. Awww, I thought we were taking the same tumour-blocker-that-gives-you-tumours, but alas we are not. I’m getting my tumours from Orencia, thankyouverymuch.

  103. Oddly enough, this reminds me of the time I went to Victoria’s Secret and was in the dressing room trying on bras. Another customer came in to try some on because she had lost a bunch of weight. The saleswoman – being a good saleswoman – noted that that was wonderful for her, and how had she lost it? The customer’s reply? “Oh, I’ve been really depressed.” That pretty much shut up the saleswoman.

  104. Yep, have lost so much weight since my ex-bf lovingly dumped me almost two years ago (week before Valentine’s the mean arse shit). I shut people up when they ask me if I’ve been on a diet (or have a terminal illness/bulimia/anorexia) by saying “nope I’m just miserable” that, and his way of showing his affection was feeding me lots of food which was fine for his naturally skinny arse, but not so great for my had-two-kids-and-in-my-forties stomach.

    Love your blog, my amazing sister put me onto it.

  105. So I’m finally catching up on reading your blog (I’ve loved you ever since Beyonce), which is why I’m commenting on a November post in March. Anyway, my company makes Simponi and I actually worked on the product submission. I’m really happy that it’s working for you, I know how awful RA can be and it makes me feel pretty good that my work is helping someone who I admire so much. Also, just to make you feel better, it’s more likely you’ll get into a bus accident then develop cancer from your RA treatment. Keep up the hilarious work!

  106. BTdubs, my company recently published your book and I haven’t had a chance to read it yet, but I’ve leafed through, and giggled, and then HOLY CRAP WE HAVE THE SAME DISEASE! Don’t TNF inhibitors blow chunks? Sure, they help you not feel like your body is about to self-destruct all the time, but they HURT when you inject them and they sound so very cancer-y. If it’s any help, I’ve noticed that when my RA is active, I’m much, much more prone to depression than at times when it’s in remission. Just something to keep in mind that might help the feeling of being crazy seem a little more manageable. Maybe?

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