She’s so mine it’s kind of painful. For both of us.

in Random Crap

This week I went to Hailey’s school to see her 2nd grade Thanksgiving poetry reading.  She did wonderfully, but my proudest moment came when Hailey and her class were doing “Five Little Pilgrims” and she proudly raised her hand over her head to act out the “Two Little Pilgrims” part.

Yes. She's doing exactly what you think she's doing.
Seriously. It went on FOREVER. And it was AWESOME.

When I asked her about it later she explained that she was using her second finger to really drive home the point.

I assured her that she had succeeded.

PS.  I’ve blurred out the other kids on purpose.  You are welcome, other parents.

PPS.  There’s a lot of weird white space here so I’m going to fill it with this video that renews my faith in humanity:

184 thoughts on “She’s so mine it’s kind of painful. For both of us.”

Read comments below or add one.

  12. Thanksgiving = Turkey. Turkey = Bird. Children being mildly inappropriate = Awesome. Today, I’m thankful for Hailey.

  14. hee hee- it is moments like this that must make you so proud. My daughters did something similar and I blushed with pride 😉 Fuckin’ eh mofo’s!!!!

  19. How do you explain to a kid that that isn’t something to do without making it more likely that they’ll use it regularly?

    I haven’t figured that out yet either.

  20. I only wish my kids were this awesome.

    P.S. The blurred out children make me feel like I did acid.

  22. People from Pakistan use their middle finger to point. I always have to stifle a laugh when my father-in-law does it.

  23. I think I might start emphasizing my point that way to various people in my life: certain clients, my boss…

    I loved the bear video. So many levels of awesome.

    Happy Thanksgiving, Bloggess Family!

  24. That’s your girl! I am pretty addicted to the f-word but my youngest daughter rejected it’s use all through high school. Thanks to my early work, she now has the ability to swear like a sailor – that’s my girl!

  30. okay, that mama bear must have been freaking. out. worried. I would’ve been! great video… and great picture of Hailey flipping off the crowd… did everyone snicker?

  31. I adore kids…they are my daily entertainment. That’s really the only reason I had them. That and someone has to do the laundry.

  35. How proud are you right now? I know you’ve been in the throes of depression recently, but just remember why “The Big Guy” put you here and you’ll be fine.
    When all is said and done, she’s going to kick ass and take names – just like her creator.
    Great job so far, Bloggess.

  37. Fantastic!!!
    Huh…can you send her to my house, maybe she can convince my 8yo that when we move back to the US next month, he really is no longer allowed to refer to erasers as rubbers????
    Or not.

  38. Aww!! The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!!! Truly Jenny style!! I’ve been reading you for almost 4 years, and I do love you!! You crack me up, make me smile, and yes, I have cried also. I even posted the UpWorthy video that had you in it on my Facebook, stating my favorite blogger Jenny was in it!! My other favorite is Matt Logelin, however besides the point. I’m gonna ask my husband if I can order your book for my birthday that’s coming up as a great present to myself!!!

  40. I imagine if I was that mama bear, what I would be saying to my damn kids who got themselves stuck in a dumpster. Thank goodness for the kind people who thought to offer them a ladder. Brilliant!

  42. One of my kids used that as his pointer finger FOR YEARS. Public school finally broke him from that.

  43. Hailey dances to no ones tune but her own, just like her mom. I’d seen the bears before; but I could watch that 100 times. It’s so nice when man actually does something great for wildlife.

  45. Bear rescue for the win! LOVE this video! Oh, and your kid’s adorable, of course. I’d totally put a ladder in a dumpster for her any day.

  49. Fantastic! I’d be too scared of the bears to try to get that close! But I’m glad someone was brave enough to! And she [Hailey] is your mirror image! (not the bear)..

  50. My son, 5 at the time, was disciplined at school for pointing with his middle finger in the lunchroom. His mother knew that at 5 pointing with your middle is developmentally acceptable and that it’s a great teachable moment. The people that are actually trained in shaping children? Sent him to the office with no explanation. Shockingly, it appears Texas teachers are more enlightened!

  52. It makes perfect sense. Second finger for the second pilgrim. I hope no one got excited. That would just confuse her.
    The bears video restores my faith in human kind.

  55. My little sister pointed with her middle finger growing up. She said it was because it’s the longest finger, and it was perfectly logical in her mind. Kind of smart, really. Any chance that excuse will work for me at age 35?

  56. Reminds me of the way I learned some swear words. I knew that ‘suck’ was a bad word, some in my kindergarden mind, I thought I would try to get away with saying that rhymed with it. Shortly after I said “duck” did I get into trouble.

  61. Isn’t it AWESOME when you child does something that proves to the world – they are MINE. I absolutely love it when my son has those moments. They always make me so proud. Happy Thanksgiving.
    Malia just posted Good Grief (on loss of her cat) at http://blog.maliamartin.com/

  64. Obviously, she’s making a statement about the horrible atrocities against Native Americans when the pilgrims stole their land, raped their women and then as a final cruel slap to the face, Cher took their outfits. OH THE HUMANITY! Happy Thanksgiving, Hailey and Jen! Oh, and Victor.

  65. Just think how she’ll love it in 10 years when you show this photo off to her first date! -) Kidding aside, she’s lovely, and she looks so grown up for 7!

    I loved that bear video when I first saw it.

  66. Between Hailey and the bear video we have much to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving, Lawson’s!

  70. 1) Fight The Power.
    2) @RachRiot: uh-huh.

    Happy Thanksgiving, all … and hug your loved-ones.
    Life’s too short to not tell the people you care about most
    how much they mean to you.

  71. Way better than having the daughter who picks her nose at every single presentation or program. That would be me.

  72. YES!!! And if my son did that, his grandmother would throw all kinds of evil guilty crap on him for it. Meanwhile I’d laugh and give him a high-five and then say “don’t do that again, alright?”

  74. Thank you for this…. have had major stress/anxiety for weeks now and this made me laugh so hard. Tears relieve some stress but laughter is much better!

  78. She is beautiful! And SO MANY THANKS for the bear video….my faith in humanity was in dire need of a rescue right about now.

  82. Be proud: that’s a girl who had a well-thought-out and acceptable reason for flipping off a room full of parents, and WHO CAN ARGUE WITH THAT? No one.

    Hailey is most awesome.

  84. I laughed so hard one morning when my 12 month old step son held his middle finger up to his dad for a good 10 seconds. I know it meant nothing to him but it was awesome for me.

  85. REally enjoyed this video on facebook yesterday ~ nice people truely are out there! Happy Thanksgiving 🙂 Light and Love

  89. Boy uses his middle finger to point at everything. I think they may be a match made in heaven. Imagine them shopping at Target together.

  92. Jenny, keeping the snark alive, one generation at a time. Between Hailey and my two daughters…this world will be juuuuuust fine! HAPPY GOBBLE GOBBLE! Love you!

  94. Thank you for proving my kids aren’t the only ones who would give an audience the finger 🙂 <3

  97. THIS just made my day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a rocky start but now I am grinning ear to ear. Enjoy your day!!!

  100. Last night my ten year old decided to screw with me by hiding his Pillow Pet in my bed so I’d wake up and have a Corleone-sized heart attack when I found a horse’s head on my pillow. Well plauyed, young Fredo. . .you have made The Family proud.

  101. Your daughter is AWESOME! (Was there an audible gasp when other parents saw her second finger? :))
    PS: My mother-in-law wants to read your book. She asked to borrow my copy, but I told my husband I can’t let her borrow it knowing she’ll be reading some of those things. They’re hilarious things, but things I don’t want to admit that my MIL knows about. (Also – I ADORED your book – couldn’t put it down and now I won’t share it!)

  104. Hmm semsing a theme here – turned the radio on as I was reading this and the discusion is on fuzzing things out in pictures – namely fingers. Is someone trying to tell me something??

  106. Your daughter? Awesome! The bear rescue? Awesomer! (sorry, but there were three bear cubs and only one little girl. The bear cubs win)

  108. This is the child I wish I had had the cojones to be when I was her age. Love it! Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends, from Canada (where, astonishingly, it is November and still warm).

  109. Your daughter’s behavior is basically one of the reasons that I spent four extremely painful, loss-filled years trying to get pregnant. We need to ensure that there’s another generation ready to give major holidays and all our family and friends the middle finger through song and interpretive dance 😉 Your daughter is obviously awesome. I hope my peanut turns out equally funny and mildly offensive…then I’ll know my work here is done.

  111. Wonderful, she definitely is yours.

    small problem though, namely the attached video. See, normaly I use the internet as a mean of recalibrating my LACK of faith in humanity, and you go post something that throws things all out of whack again. It’s like a trip to Walmart and not seeing any back boobs

  112. I can “bearly” stand that video. It does renew your faith in the humans though.

  114. Brilliant, thank you. I got to see the first graders sing about turkeys today, a similar kind of thing. They sang about how delicious they are, warms the heart of a vegetarian mother. I just felt glad my son didn’t pick his nose on stage.

  115. This video only proves that you totally watched the Bear Enema recommendation from Google. How else would you have gotten here? So, Google was totally spot on.

  117. You child is awesome (and adorable, but that goes without saying). How did you not die laughing? See, there’s hope for the next generation after all.

  119. Your daughter is so stinkin’ cute, Jenny that I seriously hope no one would be offended at that!! And if anyone is stupid enough to be offended, well, I learned long ago that you can’t fix stupid, to quote Ron White. 😀

    The bear video is awesome. The first time I saw it I wondered what on earth was going on, but George Takei posted it, so I knew it had to be something awesome. Thank you for posting so I could force my hubby and kids to watch it. 😀

  120. So proud of (1) your daughter (no DNA test needed) and her driving the point home, and of the people in the pickup truck helping a mother bear rescue her three cubs. Sometimes humans are okay after all. To everyone, a contented Thanksgiving holiday, plus pie.

  126. My daughter and I were recently being asked the random questions at the back of one of those diary of a wimpy kid books, you know the ones, really quite fun for adults and kids.. Anyway the question was *what would you do if you had a tail?*
    To which we both replied.. At the same time *whip people with it*
    I love her insanely, she is 9. ^_*

  134. Just when I had resigned myself to give up on mankind and contemplate becoming a hermit or avant-garde recluse, you go and point out that there are some people in the world who deserve better than to be lumped in with the rest.

    A big bear hug to the Bear Rescuers!

    Brought a tear to my eye and a weird tight feeling in my chest … but that might just be the tacos …

  140. When I was a little kid, we used to do that routine as well!! Eventually, my mom had to tell me to stop when I when put my middle finger up in public.

  143. That video removed my faith in humanity. I was in Ruidoso a couple weeks ago. A woman working at one of the many shit shops there told me this beautiful story about her friend the trash collector who rescued bear cubs from a dumpster while momma bear waited silently and sweetly. I’m thinking she (the shitshopkeeper) saw this video and made up a story to tell naive Texans. She lied. I’m kind of shattered after watching it.

  145. There’s something about a kid harnessing her middle finger in all earnestness in the middle of a speech which makes me stay up at night laughing. 😛 😀 Seriously…Hailey…you are BEYOND cool!!

  146. I have to confess, I haven’t been able to play “Where is Thumbkin?” with a straight face since I learned what that gesture meant. I always feel kind of dirty teaching the song to my children.

  147. I watched that video about five times in a row when it first appeared in my Facebook feed. Made me want to go out and do some bear rescuing!

  148. I really adore the conviction she has…equal parts tenacity and parts stickin’ too it (or if you will stickin it to something). She is totally awesome. My daughter is awesome too. Isn’t it great to see glimmers of ourselves in their unique little personalities?

  149. Your kid is awesome. And so innocent.
    UNLESS…she really knew what it meant but was doing it to be sneaky for some reason? In which case, you should probably be very proud of her for being smart enough to use her innocence like that.

  153. Holy shit! That woman had balls of STEEL! I did that with a friend this summer to save a baby racoon and when the thing hissed at me I ran away (I was holding the flashlight) leaving my friend alone standing in the dumpster, in pitch dark with a pissed off raccoon. (my friend had to use a container to physically take it out because it looked listless

  154. Gotta LUV it!!! Kids are so awesome. Never know what to expect. Even more AWESOME is that she actually thought it through first!!! NICE!!!

    Power to the Pilgrims!!!

  156. I LOVE this Child. Fantastic!
    Later today, if anyone says anything I do not like at the thanksgiving dinner table, I’m doing the 2 little pilgrims, Hailey style.
    And I love your book and your Blog.
    And bears.
    And people who give a shit about bears.

  159. Oh, what a delight it was to find all this stuff from you on a Thanksgiving morning! Great catch up. (When I was a little girl I pointed with “that finger” until I was told it was bad. Didn’t understand that until high school!)

    Hope you and Victor and Hailey are having a wonderful holiday! (As long as the turkey didn’t escape.)

  160. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family, Jen. It should be a good one, as I doubt anyone would know as much about stuffing turkeys as you do – but don’t let Victor dress it. He’ll probably use too much lipstick.

  161. Trust me, the pride you feel today will still be there years from now. My daughter had a “that’s my girl” moment when she was 3 and it is still so awesome when she’s 28! Great moment!

  166. i grew up in ruidoso!!! prettiest small town in new mexico, although stupid people that visit/move there from the flatlands are the reason the bears get stuck in dumpsters. it is so “cute” to feed the bear and the deer so you can get s closer look, then the poor things become dependent on it and seek it out. a bear locked itself into a small sedan by my dads cabin and destroyed the car from the inside out. the fish and game department had to put the bear down because it was a ‘menace’. believe me, once you have lived with bears in the your immediate vicinity, you do not want to attract them to you!

  170. It’s like 6 degrees of Jenny Lawson…I posted that same video to my facebook page right before you posted it to your blog. It’s like your my friend and you don’t even know it (which sounds wierd, I know, but I am a sorta nice person). Also, just fyi, after I read your blog, I start to try to channel your wit. Not so much on purpose, it just happens. My husband usually ends up saying “huh?”, but that’s ok. Thanks for being so damn funny despite all you go through. You make me laugh out loud all the time and there is truly no better gift.

  172. She is really taking on the role of the Native American and pointing out what they really thought of the white man. The school should be thankful that Hailey was trying to show a true representation of the native’s feelings at the time. It’s all good.

  173. Both you and wil wheaton had “i love my kids” blog posts and it totally makes me happy.

    Also my coworker rescued a baby racoon in almost the same way at our work. He said it ran to him and raised up his hands to pick it up out of the dumpster because it was so scared, but he instead put a little ladder to let it climb out on its own. And the thing shot out like a bolt and ran into the nearby bushes.

  175. I mailed your book to my new best friend because I knew she would laugh even harder than I did. My mom is also next in line to borrow my copy of your book… and not only because I opened a box labeled “Lea’s Childhood” to find the staples that were used in the cesarean. Of course I thought of you.

  176. Your daughter is absolutely adorable! I hope my nephews choose to make their point while holding their index finger in the air. My 1 1/2 year old nephew currently nods with an expression that says, “Indubitably, my dear Watson.” You are a lucky mom!

    Also, the bear video was delightful!

  177. The finger didn’t strike me so much as how BEAUTIFUL she looks in these photos. Don’t you think so? I mean angelic and gorgeous and all that. Not that being smart and brave isn’t something, too, but I’m still always struck by beauty.

  179. That is fantastic. From now on if I get called out on giving the finger to somebody, I’m just going to say, “What? I want to be the second pilgrim. Obviously,” and then give them a look that tells them exactly what kind of filthy minded moron I think they are.

  180. My wife, being a photographer, catches a lot of accidental birds being flown by children. I’m still trying to talk her into making a coffee table book out of it. How awesome would that be. I mean she has model releases for all of her customers, it would be awesome. Who wouldn’t buy it?

  182. It is sooooo cute when they have their first public swear! And you were there to witness it! I’ll never forget when my younger sister told our asshole neighbor lady that my mom said she was a horse’s ass. Ah, memories.

  183. My daughter did that when she got to “there was 1 in the bed” during her kindergarten graduation. So funny!

  184. I’ve been away for a long time and catching up on blogs now…. wow, just wow… and wow again. I can’t stop laughing! This has so much wonderfulness about it I can’t take it! “Drive home the point!” Amazing!

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It's like I'm stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

MY INSTAGRAM

Hailey and their sweetheart attempting to keep the HOA from sending me nasty letters about Bone Crawford still being up in December.
New Braunfels first Ren Faire feels like a hit. Also, I want a miniature cow.
Headed to the New Braunfels Renaissance Faire. If you happen to see Santa this morning say hi to my dad, who stayed up all night sewing jingle bells to his pants.
This month’s book club picks are The Wildest Sun by @ashalemmieauthor and Where the Dead Wait by @av_wilkes.

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Scaredy Cat Travels: Traveling the world with the worst carry-on anxiety.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

Sarah Linn on Medium: Humorist or unstable person with an internet connection? You decide.

Uncommon Creatures Digital Portraits: Animal art inspired by Earth’s most magical creatures. Got your own beloved pet you’d like to memorialize? Have no fear… let me turn your fur-baby into a work of art.

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

%d