Last week I wrote that I had something to share that I thought was funny, but that I wasn’t certain if I could write about it because I wasn’t sure if it was racist or not, and so I asked a black friend and she said it was fine, but then I thought I needed to ask some more black friends but two of them didn’t respond to me and then I got bored. Then my original friend who was all “It’s not racist. White people are allowed to like Snoop Dogg too” saw that I’d totally wimped out of writing the post in the first place and so she just left the comment: “Chicken“. And she was right. So instead I wrote into “Yo, Is This Racist?” to ask that guy his opinon since he’s an expert but he’s not responding to me. Probably because he’s racist. That was a joke. More likely it’s in his spam folder. Maybe both. Regardless, I felt very stupid and somewhat cowardly about not publishing the post, and so I thought I’d post it now because technically it’s like I’m encouraging the necessary and on-going conversation about race-issues. Also, this lead-up is way too long and makes this whole post a bit anti-climatic. I apologize for that and also for possibly being accidentally racist. I assure you that my next post will be back to non-offensive topics like dog rape and making fun of ugly babies. Turn away now if you are only here for ugly babies.
Someone sent me a link to gizoogle, which is much like if my friend Snoop Dogg was reinterpreting the internet. Also, can you call someone your “friend” if you once spent a lot of time hanging out with his wax sculpture? I say “yes”. This is my wiki-page reinterpreted by gizoogle. It is awesome.
“Right back up in your motherfucking ass” is my new auto-signature.
273 thoughts on “It’s probably not racist. Or possibly it’s racist to assume it might be racist. I’m sort of fucked either way.”
Read comments below or add one.
…I heart you so hard.
You are how I find all of the cool stuff on the internet…
I don’t think it’s that racist… maybe a little… Mostly, I just don’t understand what I read so I really don’t know if it was racist or not. But hey, yay for courage and making people recognize race issues (even though race issues suck).
That is hilarious! Bahaha. Now I’m never going to get that line out of my head.
PS. I want to be on your list of black people to ask for advice in the future.
Excuse me… I’m going to be interneting for a while.
I might never use main google again…
I don’t need a rap name, but if I ever did, it would be Raisin Scrilla.
AMAZING – nuff said.
I so wanna be you when I grow up.
NO. This is amazing. AMAZING.
Coz that shit is FOSHIZZLE!
Not a single ugly baby was insulted in this post.
BRING OUT THE UNFORTUNATE BABIES.
(side note, where in the hell do you find this stuff??)
So frakking awesome.
Sometimes things are racist, but sometimes they are also fucking hilarious. And hilarious trumps racist every time. Every single time.
I’m pretty sure “Right back up in your mothefucking ass” is going to replace “in bed” as a postscript to fortune cookie fortunes now.
Was it racist of me to Gizoogle this post?
“Jizzifer”??? Is that the only part making anyone else uncomfortable?
Holy shizzle that be amazing.
Because you can NEVER go wrong with, “Right back up in yo motherfuckin’ ass.”
Notice I corrected you Jenny?
Jesus, you are SO white.
Wait… is THAT racist?
This is so fucking awesome! I fucking love you.
I am laughing so fuckizzle hard! Right back up in yo mothafuckin azz.
Hhahahahahaha!!!! Now that’s some funny shit right there.
And my well-intentioned and somewhat connected cousin was just advising me that I’d never make any money with my blog unless I stopped motherfucking cussin’ in my writing. Hah! Right back up in HIS motherfuckin’ ass! (He’d probably like that, too, being gay and all. There. Now your blog is racist and is also offensive to homosexuals. You’re welcome.)
Wait, what?? You’re on Forbes Top 100 List for Booty? Then WHERE’S MY BOOTY, dammit? I demand some booty. Or at least a snuggle.
this is funny as hell….race issue do suck but it is all over everywhere….
If this is racist, then I should just never talk ever.
However, a friend of mine once wrote an essay where he talked about the origins of rap, historically speaking, and the teacher wrote “That’s racist” on his paper. Clearly, society is a bit confused.
The Bloggess? Racist? No way Jose…
WOW Jenny, I didn’t know you were such a RACIST. You should apologize but I’m not sure to whom!
Foshizzle Jahnizzle! I gots the arthrizzle to-right up in ma mutherfuckin sciatashizzle nervizzle! Lol
I think “Right back up in your motherfucking ass” would be a lovely sentiment on one of your greeting cards…
i love you. you make me happy. thanks for always always always being honest about ugly babies. right back up in your motherfucking ass! <3
Jizzifer? That is the only part I’d be offended by. Jizz? Ew.
There is so much right with this it is hard to pick just one thing.
Pretty sure I will never be calling it anything other than Da Huffington Post ever again. Just sayin’ yo.
Signature line alone is fucking phenomenal. Word.
I am in tears over here…..of laughter, not because I thought this post was racist or offensive or anything. 😉
I love yo muthafuckin ass, Biatch. Completely awesome.
But, see, by posting this (and I vote for NOT racist), you will find out if it is racist or not. And then if it IS racist, you can use it as a fine example of what white-people-who-don’t-understand-when-things-are-racist-and-when-things-are-not should not do or say and you will be helping so many of us who are in that boat with you.
Thank you for this learning opportunity.
Right back up in your motherfucking ass atchya (which is like “right back atchya” only with your motherfucking ass in the way)
I am half-Black and half-White so I’m only half-offended at this. The other half of me thinks it’s fucking hilarious but I wouldn’t trust that half too much since that side has the Nazis if you go back a generation or two. Although, to their credit, they were also spies for the French Resistance and one ended up executed by Hitler for that bomb plot gone wrong; talk about a big FAIL. (I’m not making any of this shit up, btw.) You know, if more people would just have interracial kids this shit could be solved in a couple of generations; then no one could get offended at ANYTHING because we’d all in the shit together. That’s probably close to the truth now as it is but there are some people so invested in being able to check off one fucking box on a census….I guess they like living in boxes. But foshizzle, Jizzle, at least yo ass HAS a wikipizzle page. You be famous, biatch! How can I get me one of those? Can I be, like, in yo ONTOORODGE or some shit? When we goin’ on tour?
Haha!! This…is awesome… and yeah…the dude prob IS racist 😀
p.s. Btw, this is Alejandra, from Musings in Red. I’ve split my old blog into two: an inspirational blog, “Parasol Dreams”, and THIS book review blog.
I’ve been dying to have a blog officially dedicated to JUST book reviews for quite a while, so I’m quite excited about this! 🙂
And the reason I’m boring you with all this information is that I’m just letting all the blogs I follow know about my new blog name so that they don’t think I’ve abandoned them. Or that I died. Or some other tragical thing like that. 🙂
Only thing I gotta say is I love you. A lot.
I’m black and it’s not racist. I’m also an English Major and it’s an abomination on the English language. It pained me to read it. I mean it was funny but why would you do that to words?
That shit be straight up trippin’, yo.
~The Whitest Girl, Ever.
I wasn’t sure if you had arrived yet, but now that you’ve been immortalized in Ebonics, you have. Fo’ muthafuckin’ shizzle. I mean, screw the book. This is sick. And by sick I mean dope. And by dope I mean ill. And by ill I mean… what we’re we talking about? Oh, right. Cross stitching.
Is it racist that I didn’t understand a lot of it? That might have been the slowest I’ve ever read a paragraph… 🙂
-Shout Out for keepin’ shit real up in here!
I don’t think its racist because I had to read it 4 times to gain its meaning. I’m pretty sure I forgot who’s president.
I’m too white. Absolutely hilarious.
! luvz it!
I KNEW IT!!!!! I KNEW that “chicken” comment was your friend bustin your ass!!!!!! LMFAO! And I dont know if its racist or not but I’m one who tends to find racist shit funny anyways. loves you means it!!!!!!
Not racist. There. I’ve done my black person rescue mission of the week. Exhausting.
Ahahahah, this is what it said when I went to facebook:
“Update Yo Crazy-Ass Browser
You’re rockin a wizzy browser dat isn’t supported by Facebizzle.
To git a mo’ betta experience, go ta one of these cribs n’ git tha sickest fuckin version of yo’ preferred browser:”
I read this while walking down the hall at MD Anderson and now everyone wants to know what’s so fucking funny about cancer. No one actually asked, but they looked at me weird.
I don’t think that’s racist, but I sure as hell don’t want any Jizzifer right up my motha fuckin ass, yo! You’ve got to take a girl to dinner or something first!
I thank you for linking that, because if you hadn’t I would never have gotten to read the following on my blog-
“Itz a phat muthafuckin thang I be aiiight enough just totin it around n’ enjoyin itz squishabilitizzle, cuz I be not shizzle what tha fuck else can be done wit just 30 yardz of bulky weight yarn.”
And THAT is funny shit.
If it makes you feel any better/worse, I occasionally say “Word to me” to my children.
Can I please be on your “Black People To Call To Vet Out Racist Shit” list in the future? Because I would totally be honored. And no…this isn’t racist. Not to me, anyway….
Oh. Em. Gee. That is not racist – that is an excellent example of wonderful. “Biatch is dopest known for her irreverent writin style”. Why do I feel that irreverent needs to be translated?
OMG…. according to gizoogle.net on one of my profiles…. instead of being “Education Support Staff”…. I am now “Ejaculation Support Staff”.
I am dying laughing over here.
I don’t think you’re truly friends with someone UNTIL you hang out with a wax version of them.
““Right back up in your motherfucking ass” is my new auto-signature.” – Damn, better change mine then…
I can’t tell if its racist becuse it’s so up in my ass motherfucking funny. And victor discouraged you from posting this? Never trust his judgement.
I don’t think that was racist at all. You were writing as if you were Snoop. You could do another one where you were writing as Shakespeare or John Wayne, they have a certain style to their language too. That’s how I see it anyway. Forizzle Thou Pilgrim.
I’ve fallen in love with the internet again. Bless your motherfucking ass.
When I gizoogled myself, the first thing that popped up was “My fuckin ass hurts.”
I think I might be in love with this.
I feel like it’s not racist, because it’s sort of making fun of Snoop Dogg specifically, not black people or even rappers in general.
But I really, really want to know more about Leila’s family tree. Wowza.
I need to steal that line I don’t know where I would put it, or what I would do with it. Hilarious!
LOL <3 i don't think it was racist, just hilarious!
I call shenanigans!! Jenny you did NOT grow up in the deep south without developing a sincere sense of racist/not racist. Who or what is making you feel modest about your southern sense of decency?
Totally not racist. And on an unrelated note, I’m re-doing my bio.
The part that gets me is “Biatch suffers from fheumatoid arthritis, OCD, depression, n’ a anxiety disorder.
So. Confused. But I laughed.
I laughed so hard I almost peed. This is good. Too good.
Toia, I am an English professor, and I thank you.
You make me yearn for many things. Now it’s a Wikipedia page so I can have a Wikipizzle page. And an autosignature.
My favorite part? “Autobibliography”
i am in muthafuckin love. oh, and why does snoop dogg use an umbrella? FO DRIZZLE.
How do I snicker in Snoop-dog-eze?
That is like trying to read Lolzpeak, except that there are no cats…and it might be a little racist; it is hard to tell.
I’m pretty much 100% fo shizzle this isn’t racist.
May have peed a little from laughing so hard, just sayin’.
P.S. My husband didn’t find it as funny either.
Um, this is all sorts of fabulous as the first thing that came up for me was “Likes to watch aiiight pornos,” when interpreting my writer’s profile for another site. I say nothing about pornos in said profile, but don’t care as THAT will now be my signature for everything.
Also, can I just say that magic needs to happen so we can upvote comments on your blog, and somehow merge my weird interest in reddit and you? Cause also, Toia’s comment needs to be paraded down the street. Yes, what DID words do to deserve this??? That said, it made me cringe less than your average written piece on the internet: numbers instead of letters, abbreviations up the wazoo, and enough gross misspellings to make your 3rd grade teacher cry.
Now get off my lawn.
And you now have the name for your NEXT next book “Accidental Racist” – fo shizzle.
Am I the only fan of The Bloggess who thinks whoever wrote it is turning her/himself inside out trying too hard to be funny, so it turns out to not be very funny?
Sho’ muthafucka shi’…. i wanna muthafuckin wikipizzle page. Tha’s when a bitch knows she’s MADE it, fo’ shizz.
I’m bewildered the biographer did not comment on your love of taxidermy and giant metal chickens.
First off – that’s freaking hilarious.
Second off – you’ve inspired my writing. 🙂
(not this blog per-say, but you know, your blog in general…still a pretty good blog though… <3 )
“Right up in your muthafuckin ass” could be printed on the receipt from your store, right next to “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine”.
In my book I have a Air Quotes racist End Air Quotes sentence that my editor removed. It’s about Asians and it’s ACCURATE so I put it back in. And no it’s not about driving. (that’s probably racist)
I have one more editor to sneak the line by and if they take it out I’m taking all the books and spending Christmas writing the line in by hand in every single one. Obviously editors are unaware of the phrase “it’s funny because it’s true.”
That’s not racist, it’s AMAZING! Right back in yo mutha#@&$ ass!
So, I Gizoogled my blog and this gem occurred:
“I be straight-up buckwild cuz Jenny Lawson (aka Da Bloggess) done cooked up tha announcement dat her ass is hittin dat shizzle on her second book, muthafucka! I straight-up adored her first book so I’m straight-up lookin forward ta tha freshly smoked up one (although it’s release date is Spring 2014).”
And THAT made me happy… fo’shizzle!
I see inspiration for a new line of merchandise for your Zazzle store (or could it be renamed Zizzle?). And just in time for the holidays. Bonus!
I just have to say that my favorite comment was from the person who was not offended as a black woman, but was horribly offended as an English major. Nice! 🙂
Also, one of my friends recently had an ugly baby and will not stop posting pictures on Facebook. I want to say “She looks just like you” but if she is aware that the baby is ugly, I could get in real trouble. I’m thinking “Don’t worry, she’ll grow into it” is probably not right either.
I don’t think it’s racist but I do think it’s corny as hell. If whomever wrote that is black (doubtful), s/he should have their black card snatched…post haste! I’m ashamed, and not for the reasons I “should” be! lol
So…. your blog post about being maybe racist through gizoogle……. “Last week I wrote dat I had some shiznit ta share dat I thought was funny yo, but dat I wasn’t certain if I could write bout it cuz I wasn’t shizzle if it was racist and not, n’ so I axed a black playa n’ her ass holla’d it was fine yo, but then I thought I needed ta ask some mo’ black playaz but two of em didn’t respond ta mah crazy ass n’ then I gotz buggin out. Then mah original gangsta playa whoz ass was all “It’s not racist. White gangstas is allowed ta like Snoop Ta Tha D-O-Double-Gizzle too” saw dat I’d straight-up wimped up of writin tha post up in tha straight-up original gangsta place n’ so her ass just left tha comment: “Chicken“. And her ass was muthafuckin right. So instead I wrote tha fuck into “Yo, Is This Racist?” ta ask dat playa his opinon since he’s a expert but he’s not respondin ta me. Probably cuz he’s racist. That was a joke. Mo’ likely it’s up in his spam folda. Maybe both. Regardless, I felt straight-up stupid n’ somewhat cowardly bout not publishin tha post, n’ so I thought I’d post it now cuz technically it’s like I’m encouraging tha necessary n’ on-goin conversation bout race-issues. Also, dis lead-up is way too long n’ makes dis whole post a bit anti-climatic. I apologize fo’ dat n’ also fo’ possibly bein accidentally racist. I assure yo ass dat mah next post is ghon be back ta non-bitch ass topics like dawg rape n’ bustin fun of ugly babies. Turn away now if yo ass is only here fo’ ugly babies.
Someone busted mah crazy ass a link to gizoogle, which is much like if mah playa Snoop Ta Tha D-O-Double-Gizzle was reinterpretin tha internizzle. Also, can yo ass call some muthafucka yo’ “playa” if yo ass once spent a shitload of time hangin up wit his wax sculpture, biatch? I say “yes”. This is mah wiki-page reinterpreted by gizoogle. It is phat.”
Kind of amazing
This works much the same way the old Shizzolator* used to.
* old and now-disappeared, apparently – was fun, though.
That was truly terrifying. Not racist… Just terrifying. I could hardly understand a single word! Scary.
This post brought to you by the letter “Z”.
Jenny, I love you.
Wow, that’s hilarious 🙂
Contemplating naming my next kid Jizzifer.
Racist would be, “Isn’t it so weird/funny/stupid how The Blacks all talk like this all the time? *That’s* the reason they’re all so poor and in jail all the time.”
This is simply comedy based on the eccentricities/attention-getting mechanisms of one person (and perhaps some of his admirers).
But you already knew all that, right?
What’s still got me going is “Wikipizzle.” Wait until someone decides to look up the word “pizzle…” (Now that I think about it, a Wikipizzle site might be a handy thing for those of us looking for something to do some Saturday night…)
I’ve never seen a mental illness described in such a cool manner before :]
Definitely awesome, only a tad racist. If you chose to see it that way!
Off to gizoogle something…
Annnnnd now I will be on Gizoogle for like 3 hours tonight. Thanks.
And this gem is from my blog. It makes me feel as though my usual content is completely substandard and unimaginative:
“Got any weird habits, biatch? …Secret habits, biatch? …Habitz dat make you feel like a freak, biatch?
Yeah… mah crazy ass too. I think our crazy-ass asses all do. (At least I hope other gangstas besides mah crazy ass do, and I’m bout to embarrass myself somethin’ fierce.) But I straight-up think our crazy-ass asses all have at least one weird habit, it’s just dat no muthafucka wantz every last muthafuckin muthafucka ta think they’re crazy, so our crazy-ass asses generally try ta keep our loony secretz under wraps.”
Only white people worry about things being racist. That was awesome! I want to gizoogle my life!
Oh dear gods, I couldn’t stop laughing. I went and tranzizzled the blurbs/praise for my books page on my blog, too.
“Katje’s characta pimpment is dunkadelic. Biatch feedz details bout tha charactas (and there is a shitload of em yo, but don’t let dat intimidate you!) up in just big-ass enough doses ta keep yo ass on yo’ toes. Just when yo ass think yo ass know one of tha characters…some freshly smoked up piece of deetz is busted out dat chizzlez what tha fuck yo ass thought yo ass knew.”
I think from now on, when people ask why they should buy Bellica, I’m just going to say “‘Cause my characta pimpment is dunkadelic, yo!”
Also my face hurts from the mirth. Thank you, Jenny. This is fantabulous.
Totally not racist but I read each line with a swag and rock to hit the refrain. It was very funny.
And here I was, sitting around when I’m supposed to be writing, wondering what I would use to procrastinate tonight. Thank you, oh Bloggess. Thank you right back up in your mothefucking ass.
Your name is Jizzifer… hahahahaha! Your nickname would go from Jen to Jizz. Absolutely. Priceless.
First-it is NOT racist. I’m Southern and know racism when I see it.
Second-I am so envious that Snoop Dog is your “friend”.
Third-Raht back at ya, Mothahfuckah!
I freaking love you. That is all.
Fo shiz, up da spout.
BAHAHA!! I Searched my site and here is what I got LMAO
Findin tha dopest deals up in stores n’ online ta make da most thugged-out of yo’ scrilla. Coupon Match-ups fo’ stores up in tha Central Florida area.
I laughed so hard I’m hurting LOL Thank You 🙂
A hilarious read to accompany sipping my gin and juice. It was a lovely distraction because honestly I was just sitting here with my mind on my money and my money on my mind. Peace out Jizzifer.
You’ve whitened up the phrase. “Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.” That is the true travesty here. Can’t us white people leave anything purely black?
I’m fairly certain I’m an excellent judge in such matters as my BFF, GFunk (that’s not actually his name, I just like to call him that because it pisses him off. Because I’m white, not because it’s annoying) is black. That’s how these things work, right?
Not racist at all. (Says the suburban white lady)
Pretty sure it would be ” right back up yo mutharfuckin azz” the “in” is unnecessary. Not racist in my opinion, but not so funny either (as in I didn’t laugh)
Will you be introducing yourself in the future as Jizzifer? Because that would be awesome!! Hilarious!!
I dunno if “Jizzifer” was the best name option…
Oh no. All potential for productivity this week has been destroyed. MUST GIZOOGLE EVERYTHING.
From Out Here in the Whitebread Honky Vanilla Mayonnaise Suburbs of Chicago:
1) It’s probably racist.
2) I can’t stop laughing.
3) GOD, I’m a Bad Person.
According to a gizoogle search on the Higgs Bosun… it was only found after them scientist dudes got down to bizness and built a banging particle accelerator…. I have no words…. but my evening is sorted if insomnia kicks in!!
I hate when people stop payin my muthafuckin ass.
This is so funny yo!
You should try reading the news with gizoogle. I was trippin yo!
**White girl trying to speak gizoogle!! 🙂
Apparently you can be racist without even knowing it when you don’t actually know all of the racial slurs out there. I have a story about having a monkey on my porch that got me in all sorts of hot water with people thinking I’m a crazy, racist bitch when really, I just like monkey statues and have a porch. Some people ruin it for everyone…
da bomb yo!
I wanna see what AmishPedia’s entry for you sez.
AmishPedia. Nobody expects AmishPedia!
I want you for Christmas! I need a talking Jenny Lawson keychain, i believe a rabbit foot would be appropriate.
You’re book (which I have bought and read and then forced my entire family to read because it’s so fucking funny and a little bit sad) made the New York Times Bestseller list on my 21’st birthday, so I’m pretty sure we’re now sisters. Or at least best friends.
I expect you to comply with the terms and agreements that you did not sign when agreeing upon this friendship/sistership (that’s a word). This includes, but is not limited to, acknowledging my existence. Also, I have a tiny chicken sculpture (that I may or may not have made in art class in middle school), so I think that really drives home the point. Yup.
Keep on keepin’ on mah sistah!
If this is racist, then I’m going to hell because I love gizoogle as if it was my own.
I think the term “racist” is highly over used in the sense that not enough people look at intent along with the words and tone. It takes all 3, if you ask me. Though I will admit there is exception. If you are looking to degrade someone based on race, then yes you are racist. You however, dear Jenny, don’t seem to give a flyin’ fuck about a person’s race as long as they willing to laugh at your jokes. That makes you a comedian. A highly paranoid comedian, at that. But then we knew that, yes? So what you have to ask yourself is, would Snoop Dogg laugh at this post? And with your classic Jenny delivery, incapacity at malice, and over abundance in clueless sweetness, yes Jenny, I do believe he’d laugh his ass off.
And thank you kindly for aiding in showing me my own site in a new light.
I am currently having “Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass” needlepointed on a pillow for my Mother-In-Lizzle. Merry Fuckin’ Chrizzle, my nizzle!!
I don’t think it’s racist. I think it’s street.
Also, how cool does it make it sound to have RA, OCD, Depression, and anxiety???
Not racist. I felt like I was reading something my (extremely white) brother wrote. (Thank goodness he is the only person in my family who communicates like that, because it is exhausting to interpret.)
I just wanted to point out that your nickname, according to Wikipizzle, would be Jizz. And that is for to laugh.
Now I know where I need to go whenever I need a good laugh…well, besides your blog. Right back up in your motherfucking ass, of course. 😉
I have been reading your blog for ages and JUST realized that you are from my old stomping grounds. You are totally the coolest thing to come out of that crazy ol’ town… Go Rams! 😉
Fo shizzle my nizzle, this is dope. Yo. In your your muthafuckin ass. Or was it up your ass? I can’t remember. Nope, not racist. Just funny.
You go, Juiceful Mom Blogger!
Hahaha can’t stop laughing.
Fo shizzle my wizzle!!!
I like the Dope Mom/Wack Mom title for your column.
My son is black and white and when I sent him the link to Stuff White People Like and asked him what he thought of it he said he liked about 50% of it. So that’s his sense of humor. He was raised on Peter, Paul & Mary and Sly & the Family Stone, Taj Mahal and Judy Collins. So there’s that. He took me to get an MRI today because I was looped on Xanax and when we got back I about fell down getting back in the house and he said “is this what you were like during the ’60’s?” and I said “I just barely remember the ’60’s dude.” So when I bounce things off him about whether or not something is racist he looks at me as if I have 3 heads and says “you’re as good a judge of that as I am you big goober.”
Wow! I’m so white that I couldn’t follow most of that.
Racist? No. 101% pure awesomeness? Straight up, dogg.
Now I’m off to gizoogle Elmo, Martha Stewart, Sarah Palin and of course, the most gangsta cat of all, Jesus. Because I’ve only peed myself laughing once today and I have a quota to fill. I also need to fill out an application to change my driver’s license from “Jennifer” to “Jizzifer”.
Right back up in yo muthafuckin’ ass!
Snoop Dogg (Lion) actually lives 3 houses down from me. Is it racist that I call him the neighborhood drug dealer? Or is it racist that I watched from behind my curtain when the SWAT team battered down his door, and I laughed when he was trying to pull his cool, low-ridin’ pants up with his hands cuffed behind his back?
All I can say about it now is “right back up in his muthafuckin’ ass.” Doin’ it Snoop Doggy style.
Another great post. Love your humor. You coo’.
OMG, I am so referring to you from now on as Jizzifer. THAT IS THE MOST AWESOMELY AWKWARDLY STUPENDOUS NAME EVER.
…..I need to get another cat, just so that I can name it Jizzifer and call for it from the back porch. “JIZZIFER! HERE, PUSSY PUSSY PUSSY!” My life would, I think, be near completion.
I’m just sitting here fucking cackling oh my god.
I could only get through part of that before my bad grammar radar started flipping out …although it’s not as bad as some of the stuff my cousin posts on Facebook that I really can’t interpret. And that’s not racist because he’s my cousin, duh. Here is an actual post of his as an example:
“Here Drnk wit ma GPa enjoyn dis lovely day n da weather havn a gewd time jamen out”
…WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!
I don’t think this is any less or more offensive than your usual posts. In fact it’s kinda average on the offensive scale. You probably shouldn’t try reinventing yourself as a rapper any time soon, though.
Keep it fly, J-dawg.
This is honestly the BEST thing you could have ever opened my eyes to. No shit. I’ve spent the last 40 minutes using the translator to read random articles…best one so far? The CNN review of Liz&Dick.
Usin Lohan ta portray Dame Taylor is “not a kindnizz ta dat playette, whoz ass fails ta serve up tha kind of breakall up in performizzle dat augurs a comeback … Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch aint ridiculous up in tha role, n’ her eyes do look violet yo, but her ass is oddly passive, chillstruttin all up in scenes dat call fo’ bona n’ caprice.” Bowla as Burton, meanwhile, offers a “pallid impersonation.”
I am in love, and I thank you <3
Not racist. But since I normally just go by Jenn instead of Jennifer I’m totally shortening my name to “Jizz”….Holla!
I love you, but the dog rape comment made me want to puke.
Any rape joke makes me die a little inside. I’m a little surprised that you’d even put it on your blog.
I know I am being overly sensitive, but I can’t seem to help myself when it comes to this subject.
Baaaaahahahahaha! I didn’t even make it past jizzifer… Yes, I do have the mind of a twelve year old boy. But I still win because no one has ever used jizz for part of my name.. *snort* jizz….
You always be da bitch. =) Is it racist for people to create sites that do that? Now I wanna go check gizoogle out!
Oh my god that is hilarious…thank you for sharing that with us…
And don’t worry it’s not racist…I think…anyway I was wondering if you’d seen this on tumblr by any chance?
It made me laugh so maybe it’ll do the same for you 😀
I’m British, and to me it doesn’t look racist. Don’t all you Americans, whether black or white, speak like that?
(for the non-initiated: BRITISH IRONY ALERT….)
OOOO!!! Have you seen this?: http://lorizzle.nl/
Beats the socks off of Latin.
I know this is slightly unrelated, but if you DO spent most of your time making fun of ugly babies, then I think you need this: http://uglyrenaissancebabies.tumblr.com/
Not gonna say what I thought of when I saw your name there….
“Right back up in your motherfucking ass” – A Snoop Dogg line for the Dr DRE song “Still D.R.E.” from the album “2001” (1999).
Learn you some, yo!
Whatever else you might say about his profile of Yo, it appears well-researched. I knew from reading you about the anxiety & RA, but OCD? Antyone who collects exquisite stuffed animals AND owns a Giant Metal Chicken named Beyonce can’t be That OCD! Oh, and Right back in Yo mutherfuckin’ Ass. ‘Nuff said.
I gizoogled “cars” and the search results came back for “hoopties.” Even the movies Cars and Cars 2 are Hoopties and Hoopties 2. Just awesome.
Just did it with my own blog and clicked onto yours!
This is SOOOOOO cooolll! and reminds me SO much of Nancy W. Kappes….<3 May her soul rest in peace.
Totally not racist. And this is da bomb fah shizzle my nizzle.
I feel like renaming you “Jizzifer” is sexist in some way-so you can always say you’re a victim of sexism if someone tries to call you racist.
I’m tempted to use Gizoogle for “Geoffrey Chaucer Hath a Blog”… but I’m afraid of the results.
If you don’t put:
Beotch raised scrilla fo’ strugglin crews
..on your tombstone, I think we will all be very disappointed.
Not that you’ll know or anything, being dead and all.
Stayin trizzapped in gizoogle n’ peepin dis joint bout dat joint is mizzakin me gizziggle, J. Fo real.
I went to http://www.gizoogle.net and entered my own name.
“Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Software programmer ta pay tha bills, stained glass artist ta feed tha soul, book reader, dawg luddr, bird watcher, sci-fi hustla fo’ realz. Arizizzlea …”
No idea what “Arizizzlea ” means. Hopefully something good. Yo.
I find neither the website nor linking to it racist. Calvin Broadus (Snoop Dogg) is a singer, lyricist, writer, actor, and general entertainer. He has also invented his own rather unique brand of slang. Many people are highly entertained by Mr. Broadus. Others are slightly entertained. Still other people find him somewhat annoying, and others find him highly offensive. The EXACT same can be said of Jenny Lawson. The linked website is, I think, a loving homage to Mr. Broadus’s slang, exactly as it claims to be. As a result some will be highly entertained, others less so, and others annoyed or offended by it. As would be true of any homage work to Mr. Broadus or Ms. Lawson.
The only aspect of this that could be considered racially offensive is an assertion that Mr. Broadus represents ANYONE other than himself or those who actively claim him to be their representative. Mr. Broadus does not represent African Americans, any more than Jenny Lawson represents white people. Many people reading this website (myself included) would say Jenny Lawson represents us. Not because of her race, but because of her writing and humor. We identify with her and are entertained by her, and it has nothing to do with the color of her skin. Similarly Mr. Broadus entertains many people and I am certain many identify with him, and presumably they do so for the same reasons I identify with Ms. Lawson. It IS racist to argue that African Americans identify with Mr. Broadus because of the color of their skin, just as it would be racist to argue that I identify with Ms. Lawson because of her skin color. It is not racist to be amused by either of them. It is also not racist to think either one of them are offensive or unfunny. That is a matter of taste.
Umm, totally what the guy above me said. Actually I was just going to comment on the Jizz thing but I’m not sure I can follow that act…
Hilarious!!! I’m pretty sure that “right back up in yo
muthafuckin’ ass”….will be a bumper sticker in your stuff by the end of the week!!’
Right back up in your motherfucking ass is LEGIT. i might have to start saying that…all the time.
Just read my resume via gizoogle, hilarious!
Makes me think of Avenue Q… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RovF1zsDoeM
I’m white and I totally like Snoop…although I don’t get the whole Snoop Lion thing. He will forever be Snoop D-oh-double-gee in my heart of hearts.
As it should be. (Your sign off I mean)
I love this. The best part was using it to look up actual websites. I “gizoogled” my own website and I have had a BLAST reading what it changed all of my posts too. Seriously… this made my day!
I like what David Cutler in comment 175 (http://thebloggess.com/2012/11/its-probably-not-racist-or-possibly-its-racist-to-assume-it-might-be-racist-im-sort-of-fucked-either-way/#comment-230841) said.
Gizoogle is blocked by my workplace’s security settings. Not sure if it’s because they think it’s racist, or because it uses the “F” word so much.
I wish I could “like” some of these comments. Thats when I realize I spend too much fucking time on Facebook. And I thought I cut back on that shit, foshizzle. Anyhow, you are not racist. The fact that you THOUGHT about it shows some sensitivity, but fuck, can’t we have some fun? As someone else said, if you said or thought or assumed that all people talked like this, then that would be some real BAD shit, fo’shizzle. But you don’t. Like someone ELSE said (my ass is too lazy to scroll), I’m Black and an English major. I writes shits. I love the English language. It’s beautiful.
If it has anything to do with Snoop Dog it is not racist, since he is sort of like Switzerland in that he is a neutral race space, I feel. Also, you didn’t write that thing from Wikipizzie, right? It’s not racist to post it, it’s more like publicity for yourself and them. BAM! You’re a goddamn publicist. Who knew? Anyway, I think it’s fabulous.
And btw, I know Switzerland isn’t technically a “race space”, I was making a comparison between both Switzerland and Snoop Dog’s abilities to be neutral in general, in case anyone asks.
I gizoogled my blog and pulled out this from my last entry:
Jon: I don’t mind commentz bout footbizzle durin tha game usually. But when itz a intense game, itz less funny.
Me: I be showin a interest!
Jon: Itz like, if up in tha middle of labor while yo ass was pushin wit Ethan I axed “When do lactation begin?” It would be hard fo’ yo ass ta muthafuckin respond.
Me: Do yo ass mean like when yo ass kept yawnin while I was up in labor?
Jon: Well, I was up fo’ three days straight!
Me: SO WAS I!!!!!!!
Jon: I ludd yo ass fo’sho. Yo Ass say weird thangs.
Me: yo ass ludd dat shit. I be unpredictable.
Jon: I’d go wit unstable yo, but unpredictable works too.
This absolutely made my day. Forizzle.
OMG!! This is the funniest shit I’ve seen in years – I translated my husband’s business website on Gizoogle and fell out of my chair laughing. Holy shit, I can’t breathe… Thank you for posting this!!!!
Makes me want to toss back a 40.
Damn it all, i can’t even make THAT sound racist. I’m a fraud.
It is awesome. Not racist. It is “street-ist.” if that is such a thing.
I did not come here for the ugly babies. I came here for the spastic kitten. But whatevs. I like the translation bit. Funny.
I Gizoogled “purple drink” then immediately felt racist…but then white people are also allowed to like purple drinks so it’s okay….but then I Gizoogled “purple drank”…I think I might’ve taken a step back on that one.
I’m not sure about your new name. Jizzifer sounds like a porn star name or something.
Gizoogle is my new home page. I just gizoogled “spaghetti” and it is AWESOME!
This is brilliant. My favorite bit: Bitch suffers from rheumatoid arthritis. I have no idea why, but that made you sound even cooler. If possible.
Does your autosignature also state your name as “Jizzifer?”
My Brown friend (she told me she’s not black) said that it’s not racist…and she knows a lot of racists. So your cool!
The only part I didn’t understand was “Right back up in your motherfucking ass.” What the hell does that mean? Do you mean it was in my ass, it came out, and you are putting it back in? Is this about sex or poop?
Ah… those of us of *cough* a certain age will remember a little program for the Apple II called “Jive”, which did much the same thing… except instead of using “Right back up in your MFA”, it sprinkled the phrase “Slap my ‘Fro!!!” in all over the place.
It was funny then, too.
Bwahahaha! So glad you posted. Who wants to waste time reading only things that are for-sure appropriate? BO-RING. Good choice. Fo-shizzle.
Thanks Jizzifer, now I be like yo an waz up and ya’ll be trippin. I be illin and can’t stop. This autocorrect crap can go up yo mutherfuckin ass
Jizzifer! OMG. You have the best porn star name…you know…if you ever feel like taking your career in that direction…
I just discovered this yesterday! Biatch is fo shizzle. yo.
And now I’ve gizoogled your entire blog so I can read it like this. Thank you for the hours of time I will doubtless be wasting!
I’m just glad you translated that auto-signature to White People Tongue. Because I couldn’t understand it in the Gizoogle Wiki entry.
I am reading How to Be Black by Baratunde Thurston so that qualifies me to answer your question. I’m black and I’m not offended by the post or your fake association with Snoop Dogg. I will namedrop you at the next Big Black Family Reunion. You’re welcome.
this is even better than setting my Facebook language to English-Pirate.
Omg. Fun! I just Gizoogled myself.
As Rorschach might say, “Hrrrmmm”
not sure I’d want to be called Jizz, though… just sayin
Holy crap, I just used gizoogle AND Wikipedia together. Funniest explanation ever. You should totally try that.
You can totally call him your friend!! I spent an entire day hanging out with my famous ‘friends’ in New York.. One of which was Snoop…he sends his love, mofo. 😉
Okay, I haven’t gotten anything else done in the last two hours since I found this. So wrong, yet so funny.
Oh, sweety. That’s not racist. Its misogynistic.
I think I’m in love with David Cutler now.
I thought all Texans carry guns, so say what you like and shoot the mothafuckas who take issue with you, simple ….
Jizzifer Lawson sounds like some sort of ejaculation problem, lol. I love it.
I’m going to put everything through Gizoogle before I send out my Christmas cards this year, especially the one to my MIL. Should be fun.
Oh god, I plugged your website into the search bar and it translated the whole damn thing down to Hailey in The Five Little Pilgrims and now my coworkers are wondering why I’m crying. I can’t breathe from trying to hold in the giggles. I know Victor will not approve.
This is possibly my favorite thing ever.
I foresee it taking up most of day tomorrow.
Dying laughing. Tears ROLLING DOWN MY FACE.
fo’ shizzle that aint racist yo. In these parts more white boyz is gonna bust out like dat then anyone right back in your mutthafukin ass
Remember the 90’s when all suburban and small town white kids talked like this? Better recognize.
OMG, try plugging THIS in: http://shakespeare.mit.edu/romeo_juliet/romeo_juliet.2.2.html
But, soft, muthafucka! what tha fuck light all up in yonder window breaks?
It is tha eastside, n’ Juliet is tha sun.
Arise, fair sun, n’ bust a cap up in tha envious moon,
lmfao at your name, “jizzifer”
Hahahaha, that’s almost as funny as my life is sad. Now I have to go and punch my balls for laughing at such racism.
That be some hystericizzle shit!
I feel like making a Wikipedia page about myself to see what it would look like if I ran it through this site. I may change my mind. This is probably my second drink talking.
Oh my gosh, I am so happy I found you. Not in a stalker kind of way though. And I didn’t really find YOU, I found your website. I can thank Pinterest for that.
Not racist. Bigger issue is your nickname would be Jizz. Or Jizzen.
Seems like they should have done something to your picture, added gold teeth or something.
I don’t think i ever want to use normal google again
That is hilarious, so so funny…I mean, terribly racist. Bad girl. Shame on you, Jizzifer!
Ima go gizoogle my white a$$ now and I’ll sees what I sees.
Was the Wax Snoop holding a big ole doobie?
I NEED to find a way to work Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass into a conversation. Thank you for introducing all of us to gizoogle. I looked up my site and got this result for a recent post:
Show of hands, how tha fuck nuff of yo ass knew there was a Cirque du Soleil porno comin up up in December before yo ass started hearin bout tha China Glaze tie-in collection? I certainly didn’t. Though now dat I do know bout tha porno, itz currently tied wit Da Hobbit fo’ mah Christmas Dizzle porno outing. Please smoke up tha followin press release from China Glaze n’ Ardell:
I’m sure my husband would really enjoy a porno outing for Christmas.
No, not racist. Not unless one is going to try to argue that Snoop Dogg’s speech pattern is genetic in origin.
In This Century: people who no longer know what racism is, because the word has been so debased and redefined as to be virtually content-free in common parlance.
Gizoogle… what a concept.
Now you just need to get Snoop to take a picture holding some string or sumpin… he seems like the type to go for it… c’mon Snoop, get into the fray!!! lol
Yo, you the shizz, Jenny Lawson. Lawsbians everywhere love you real hard!
I can’t think of anything to comment – David Cutler totally wins on commenting on this post.
Okay, this made me laugh, as did all the comments. I hope that doesn’t mean I have a racist sense of humor. Seriously. That would concern me greatly!
Had you been seriously worried this was racist you wouldn’t have published it. Always, I look at the intent and the intent here doesn’t strike me as being or wanting to be racist. Unlike one of your commentators, I don’t believe we have become de-sensitised to racism, I think we have become so OVERLY-sensitised in all sort of political correctness that we fail to let common sense lead us.
The only ‘ism’ which has caused me pause is the sycophancy-ism in some of the commentary, and I’m not even sure that’s a word. (Wonder if I can be torched for making up words?)
Keep doing your thing honestly and with integrity and you’ll always be okay. HMS
That is fucking awesome and anyone that says otherwise is racist. Or just stupid. Carry on with yo bad self.
Dude! I am so going to that site! Fo Shizzle!
I have to agree with everyone above. It was hilarious indeed.
And I didn’t know something like gizoogle existed!
I read my blog through that site and laughed my ass off. I don’t think it is racist at all. It is not being cruel or degrading to anyone…it is just funny. It is like using Pirate speak on Facebook…haha.
I am planning to totally write a post about that sight…I think it is pretty amazing how they coded it to figure out where to put in the colloquialisms so it still makes sense…well done by the creators for sure.
Thanks for finding yet another great site to use for fun on the Internet! You are my hero….LOL!
Jizzi…right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Eww and ouch but damn funny.
(Disclaimer: I’m letting this comment stand, but please be aware that this is an unverified charity and there are rumors that it may be a giant scam. Donating to the ASPCA might be a lot safer. Also, I was referring to dog who are rapists. And that’s a sentence I never thought I’d have to write. ~Jenny)
I’ve enjoyed your blog for a long time, but today I read something that wasn’t funny. I get that your comment about dog-rape being a non-offensive topic was said sarcastically but it happens and it’s HORRIFYING. If you want to see the results of the topic you’ve joked about just go to Facebook, find Eagles’ Den Rescue and read about Gabe. LOOK at the photos of this dog. And then make a donation for his treatment. His pain is not a joke. Read his story below:
AN EXTRA SPECIAL POST! PLEASE SHARE FOR HELP!
Hello Rescue Angels,
My name is Gabe and I am a Chocolate Lab. I am estimated to be less than a year old and I was just given the name Gabriel today. I was named after the Archangel Gabr
iel, but you can call me Gabe for short. Right now I am really skeptical about angels. I have met a few in the last 24 hours. I have met people who are kind and gentle, and who are trying very hard to ease my pain. And I have a lot of pain right now. In fact, pain is all I have ever known so I am one of those fur kids looking for a first chance. I suppose yesterday was what you would consider my “Re-Birth Day.” Because yesterday is when I was saved from a kind of hell no living creature should be forced to endure.
Yesterday an animal control officer found me wandering about, hurt and afraid. He immediately carried me to the local shelter and told the shelter manager that he had a dog that was hurt and maybe had been struck by a car. The first thing they saw was the sad face I have always worn. And they saw the fear in my eyes as humans came near. I was checked over but there was no sign of trauma that being struck by a car would have caused. Still, I was in a lot of pain. I yelped and cried when touched and they searched for the source of my misery. They immediately noticed the knot at the top of my tail indicating a break.
Once they knew there was a definite problem they carried me to a wonderful person named “Vet.” That is when my horrible secret was exposed. Vet examined me really well and found the terrible bruising and the source of my pain. They learned why I wear this sad look and why I fear humans. The exam revealed a multitude of problems. The problems led to one conclusion. Only one thing could have caused my misery. I have been repeatedly sodomized by a human. Like Charity, Hope and Faith, I am a victim of rape. And I am learning this is not MY SHAMEFUL SECRET as I have believed for my entire life. This is a HUMAN’S SHAME! This human that claimed to love me and share their life with me has caused me so much pain.
My case is most likely NOT like Faith’s, Hope’s, and Charity’s. Even though this horrible abuse began while I am a young boy, it was not done by someone breeding dogs to fight. This was done by another type of sick, perverted human that thinks it is ok to “love” your dog. They call it love. I call it misery and pain. Each time he would come for me and I would scream with pain he ignored my cries. Now I suffer in silence and I need a voice – your voice. And now – after so many nights of agony and wanting to die – I finally want to live. And I need your help for that too.
Right now I am in really bad shape. I am in a lot of pain. The people that I have met in the last 24 hours are fighting for my right to live now. My tail is broken right at the top where the person who was raping me grabbed it and used it for leverage as he sodomized me. I am terribly impacted and my bottom is so bruised I cannot work to help myself go to the bathroom. I am in terrible pain. It hurts to walk. When I walk I urinate uncontrollably. When anyone touches me on my sides or near my bottom I yelp in pain. For the first time ever, my screams have been heard There is most likely a lot of nerve damage. The people caring for me heard about Charity, Hope and Faith and called their people for help in understanding this terrible thing that has happened to me. Right now what must be done is to treat the problems that are immediate. They also must run all the necessary tests so I can live. It is going to be a very long road to recovery and I am told I cannot make it without help. I am very afraid, but I can be brave if I know I will never be hurt this way again.
So I am coming to you and asking for your help. Eagle’s Den Rescue has said they will help. I need to be with the vet so she can determine all of the problems I have. We do not know where this journey will take us but I do know that there are people standing with me that are willing to fight for me. Right now I am receiving antibiotics, prednisone and pain relief. Tomorrow is a new day and I hope the sun will shine for me – for the first time ever.
Will you help me? Please share my story far and wide. Pray for me. And donations are desperately needed for my medical care. Please help me if you can.
You can leave a donation for me at Pay Pal via email@example.com.
Or a direct link to the Eagle’s Den Pay Pal account:
OR My special Chip In:
I appreciate you reading this and caring about me. I am thankful for any help you can give. I hope I can live. And I hope I can finally have a home where the words: I LOVE MY DOG mean belly rubs and ear scratches and not rape.
If you love your fur kid, could you give him an extra belly rub tonight for me… I have never had that. If you wish on a star tonight, MAKE A WISH FOR ME. If you say a prayer tonight, SAY ONE FOR ME. If you shed a tear tonight, SHED ONE FOR ME and all the others like me who are in harm’s way. And if you share a fur kid’s story tonight, PLEASE SHARE MINE.
One day I will be ready for a loving home. If you can be that soft heart for me you can start the application process now: KAT_EDR@LIVE.COM to request an application.
With hope for a better world tomorrow where Love does not come with such a high price,
I feel like it is wrong of me on many different levels but I can NOT stop laughing.
Huh. Evidently I swear so much in my posts/on Twitter that there was very little divergence from the google result and the gizoogle result.
Which I count as a motherfucking win.
And now I will only be reading your blog through Gizoogle. Winning!
Oh. My. God.
This is the most fun I’ve had on the internet in quite some time. This is one of my favorite finds:
“It’s a single-servin wine. But it’s up in a puddin cup wit a foil top cuz apparently screw tops is too classy now, nahmeean, biatch? I gotz it fo’ 99 centz all up in tha gas station. I aint talkin’ bout chicken n’ gravy biatch. All of dis is true.”
So I went to gizoogle and gizoogled water. The second link was: HowStuffWorks “How tha fuck Water Works.” It was hysterical. The wikipizzle entry was pretty frickin entertaining too.
From one cracka to onother – that was great. We should all talk like that one day out of the year. Everyone would feel so much better because we would be laughing all day. Except for the people who thought it was racist. They probably wouldn’t laugh.
Biatch wrote an autobibiliography, huh? Nice.
I need an auto-signature…
This is borderline amazing. Love.
PS – I didn’t read through all of the 200+ comments ahead of mine, but actual Wikipedia says pizzle is the old english word for penis. Just sayin
That made me cry laughing…..now I hurt.
I wish I could be a dope. I’m not really sure what that means but it sounds cool and so not suburban mom blogger just trying to fit in with her puffy Banana Republic shirt from the clearance rack.
Fuckin’ racist! Imma burn yo’ book!
I downloaded your audiobook ages ago and have finished it at least 4 times. May the cosmos reveal more amazing and quirky people like you. Gushy fan- Stef
I’m about as white as they get, and can’t help myself but to talk in Snoop dee oh double gee lingo now and again. Mostly just to throw people off gaurd.
This is so freaking funny! I am so sad that gizoogle is blocked at my work, but I will hit that shizit when I get home! Thanks Jenny!
Fo shizzle my nizzle…
Too racist. Reversed. Right?
Great post as always!!!
“I aint talkin’ bout chicken n’ gravy biatch. “
How did I just find this now? Amusing as hell, and still relevant 10 years later.