Truth in advertising. (Warning: If taxidermy creeps you out you probably shouldn't be here at all.)

me:  ARGH.

Victor:  What are you complaining about-OH HOLY GOD, tell me you didn’t just buy that.

me:  Worse.  I was just outbid on it.

Not many dead, octogenarian half-rabbits can pull off such a seductive pose.

That’s right.  It’s a rabbit head sewn on a human body.  I bid on it because it’s awesome and also because of the description:

“…and the foot is missing/Her right hand has no fingers…found this in a box in the roof/  With the foxs.”

It’s like Sylvia Plath wrote this shit, y’all.  

PS.  I found this right afterward because ebay is like this dick friend who is all “Hey, you like fucked-up shit?  LOOK AT THIS FUCKED UP SHIT, YO.”

Sir, your squirrel is neither "flying", nor should it be classified as "new". Don't be an asshole.

I’m pretty sure this is the exact opposite of truth in advertising.

244 thoughts on “Truth in advertising. (Warning: If taxidermy creeps you out you probably shouldn't be here at all.)

Read comments below or add one.

  1. HOW DO YOU FIND THIS STUFF? It’s my ambition in life to live in a dark house full of weird taxidermy and fairy lights. I told this to mt media studies teacher, and now he won’t talk to me.

  2. My best friend sends me shit like that allllll of the time. She has a “fucked up browser” that she only uses to look at stuff that she doesn’t want anyone else to see. I’m not sure why she would hide this from everyone else, but then send me a link to open on the only browser I have, but she does.

    For the record, you cannot stab out your mind’s eye. I tried.

  3. The things you can find on ebay…looks like my kind of world. I never even knew. Guess I know where I’ll be buying next years Christmas presents.

  4. That flying squirrel is nowhere NEAR as f’ed up as the amputee bunny lady. Ebay dropped the ball on that one.

  5. I am flabbergasted someone other than you would want this. It seems tailor made for you. But being outbid shocks the snot out of me!

  6. That’s it. Next time I am bored at work I am going to search ebay for taxidermied things. Then if I win something I will bring it to work.

  7. I read “With the foxs” as code for “What the fuck” at first. Because that’s exactly what I would think if I found a seductive half doll/half dead rabbit randomly in a box in MY roof. Just after “SCORE” and right before “do I need an exorcist?”

  8. I’m pretty sure the ‘New’ describes how recently this no-longer-flying squirrel was found. Or not. I really have no clue. That ad is just falsely silly.

  9. ..and still I can’t get anyone to buy my daughter’s old Little Tykes kitchen set. WTF.

    Maybe I should dress up a dead mouse as Alice and pose her at the stove.

  10. If you’re interested, the exterminator comes tomorrow to evict a family of squatters (no I don’t mean my in-laws).

  11. oh, that first one is obviously meant for you! I’m sorry. Also, that Victor says Holy God cracked me up.

    And that squirrel is definitely neither new nor flying. You can tell you are in your wheelhouse here.

    I adore you. I don’t think anyone else could make me interested in dead animals. I’m not sure that’s sounding like quite the compliment I mean it to be.

    Shutting up now.

  12. What amazes me is that someone was paying $119 for it! The right foot is missing and the right hand has no fingers? Sounds like a rabbit head mob hit to me.

  13. You are a terrible influence because now I wan to go surfing on -bay just to see what aweful things I can find. Thanks for that! Just…thanks.

  14. There are times I think “we could totally be friends, that Bloggess and I” (and I might think it in the creepy internet stalker way.) But, like, you know… then I see a rat head or whatever the fuck on a barbie body, and then I’m like… “maybe she’s too, um… cool for me. And popular. Yes. That’s it. I’m outclassed.”

    Now, if you could find me an owl in spectacles or an awesome hat, I would call it Horny McHooters and we could all be friends for life. (I stalked this to you on twitter already, but did you reply? DID YOU!? No. Like you’re too busy for my random creepy tweets or something. Whatever.)

  15. AMC has created a show about taxidermy called IMMORTALIZED. It begins on Thursday, February 14th.

    About the Show
    AMC’s unscripted series brings viewers into the captivating and provocative world of creative and competitive taxidermy. Immortalized explores the passionate detail and artistic expression that goes into creating this compelling art. Each episode will feature one of four highly regarded “Immortalizers” facing off against a “Challenger” in a competition. Their task is to create a piece to be judged on three criteria: originality, craftsmanship and interpretation of the designated theme. Whether the artists are known for their classic or rogue creations, each week they will work to perfect this centuries-old art form in an unprecedented battle. “No Guts, All Glory.” Premieres Thu., Feb. 14 at 10/9c, only on AMC.

    http://www.amctv.com/shows/immortalized

  16. Is that a rabbit head sewn onto a Barbie body? I approve because 1) an actual human body would be just…creepy (and really, far too large, unless someone found a Pygmy) and 2) let’s be honest: Barbie could use a better face.

    And a sandwich.

  17. outbid… I am speechless… Well I was until I saw what should have been labeled “NON” FLYING SQUIRREL
    Carrie from Just Mildly Medicated

  18. I read dick friend as dick-friend, and had a surprised moment wondering if Victor was ok with that.

  19. Am I the only person hoping you get a box very soon and it has sexy rabbit head lady stored near the foxes in it, sent from a fan?!?!
    And that flying squirrel was totally used! Actually I’m pretty sure it was an abusive relationship and there should be an investigation into it’s death. It’s quite suspicious.
    RIP poor little abused and used flying squirrel. We only wish you really were still new.

  20. So, would ebay be a good place to find a lightly used taxidermied hermaphrodite pigmy marmoset dressed as a tranny hooker with potential reanimation properties?
    ASKING FOR A FRIEND.

  21. If it wasn’t for you, I would have NO idea what weird and interesting things are out there just waiting to be found … after seeing the rabbit lady, I’m trying to decide if this is a good thing lol!

  22. I never use eBay and had no idea it could provide such entertainment. The next time I need to buy a brand spanking new dead flying squirrel I know where to look.

  23. I can’t stop staring at the mutant Rabbit/Barbie. It reminds me of the Rat King in The Nutcracker. Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like the fucking Rat King.

  24. I hope the seller found that as he was packing to move out of his obviously cursed dwelling. Why else would that be in your attic! It’s a good thing you were outbid-there’s bad mojo there!!

  25. I’m trying to figure out who in the hell sews a rabbit head on a body. It’s like Beatrix Potter meets a serial killer – or something like that. How big is that thing? I’m just really freaked out by this human bodied rabbit. I have nightmare material for months now. Thanks a fucking lot! :o)

  26. So you are planning on watching the new AMC show Immortalized right. They have one episode up on the AMC website now. Nothing like a taxidermy game show to make a girls day.

  27. There’s a market on Ebay for dead animals? Sweeeeeet my Hubby just found his new part time job! ( he’s a hunter and we live on a rural road with..well…road kill.) He doesn’t pilfer places for them or anything….thought I should clarify, but maybe should have stopped after the sweet part. hhmm…

  28. Ok I can’t resist..Who sells this shit!! I have Ebay account and inquiring minds want to know, because this was just too damn ridiculous not to look, lol!!

  29. So is the non-flying flying squirrel alive or dead? If it is dead, is it taxidermied? What is its name? That guy needs to get his shit together or he’ll never become an ebay millionaire.

  30. So disturbing! I don’t even want to know the psychoanalysis of the person who outbid you!

  31. Outbid on leg-less, finger-less rabbit headed barbie to a tune of 120 dollars? Is there a market I’m missing? I would like to buy some financial derivatives on this.

  32. Oh…please tell me you still have a chance to score those mythical foxs…or is it the mythical foxs…or a mythical foxs…or a farthing of foxs…cannot keep them straight…stupid grammer!

  33. I REJECT this post entirely…because of the lady-rabbit-head-with-missing-fingers-and-and-and — WHO THE HELL *DOES* THAT?!?!?

    *checks clock*
    *sees that it is currently happy hour SOMEWHERE*
    *opens tequila*

  34. Perhaps, Victor was actually bidding against you, and it is your Valentine’s gift!?
    Or a fan is sending it to you…. I mean, that rabbit/human pretty much screams your name.

    Also, I’m really curious about this box that was found “in” the roof with the foxes. As though they have also tamed a troop of “foxen” (that one is for you), but they keep theirs in their roof.

  35. yes, taxidermy creeps me out, but i love your posts a lot. so, this is the place for me? god, who could not love the half human half rabbit? and he found it in a box “in” the roof? shit. with the “foxs”? better shit could not be MADE UP.

  36. So I want to know more about the foxes….is he selling them as well? Are they attached to human body parts? You really do need to research this stuff better.

    (I checked. There are no foxes for sale and he doesn’t mention them anywhere else. It’s sort of insane. ~Jenny)

  37. Thanks to my ex-husband, the most disturbing part of this post is the grammar and punctuation in the ad…

  38. Hey, we get flying squirrels in our attic every autumn. The cats loved it: hunting season! in the house! Eventually we would find a dead, desiccated flying squirrel or three under the couch or some such place. Let me know if you want me to save you one. Free for the shipping.

  39. Thank you, for making me laugh out loud. I’m wondering if the blog post I put up today will make anyone laugh out loud!

    Kelley
    Kdiaries.com

  40. So this is only tangentially related, but have you seen the new YouTube series The Brain Scoop? You should watch because it’s delightful, but the point is that every time I watch it, I think about you . . . which sounds creepy typed out like that, but it’s because of the taxidermy so it totally makes sense.

  41. OMG! ROTFLMAO!!

    You can’t make this shit up!

    It also cannot be UNSEEN!

    And for #33…Sign up your dad to participate in that show! But you’ll have to put a notice in your blog so all of us can watch it.

  42. lmao thank goodness for you! On the worst of depressed days you make me laugh like a jackass

  43. Is it wrong that I find the first one fascintating, but the second one is just sad. That person’s an asshole. He needs to taxidermy that little squirrel STAT!!!

  44. I bet you could find a couple of little, brightly coloured rabbits’ feet and sew them on like fuzzy slipperas. Maybe one of the missing foot and the other beside the intact foot….as though it was kicked off in the height of bunny passion. That would certainly add a bit of dash and dishabille to the scene, dontcha think?

  45. Sylvia Plath, indeed! (I’m so giggling right now, which is pretty wrong because there really isn’t anything funny about poor Sylvia…except in this situation as pertains to the gentleman’s eBay poetry).

    Give that thing a Disney Barbie princess dress and you could sell the characters to Disney for a new, hit movie with songs and a love interest. I’ll bet Disney animators could come up with a killer storyline complete with foxs in the roof and probably an awesome flying squirrel love interest.

  46. It’s really such a shame that foxs don’t play more nicely with their toys.. spoiled, I say.

  47. I’m confused as to whether she is confusing the word “roof” with “storage shed” or “Foxs” with “rats.” Or maybe she lives in an underground bunker. In that case, maybe the roof with foxes is preferable to the closet with moles. Do moles eat dead rat/dolls? Either way, it sounds like it was written by the same people who write the Nigerian Prince e-mails.

  48. The truly sad thing about the squirrel? He died before he could finish his math homework. He probably took one look at the textbook and keeled over right there on the paper. He was all excited to use his new yellow ruler, too. Then he saw the equations. So sad. So sad. This eBay auction is living (as in, “dead”) proof that math can be fucking lethal.

  49. Who looks at a dead rabbit and thinks “Damn, it would look good on a decrepit doll body. Let me get my sewing shit out. I have work to do.” It was probably’s some family’s beloved pet frankensteined with their most beloved toy.

  50. You’ve seen The Brain Scoop, right? It’s a web series about real-life employee of a The Philip L. Wright Zoological Museum, who pretty much just shows us all the stuffed animals and preserved skins in their collection. The girl is adorable, and there are some great lines:

    “So you can get moldy monkeys. That happened. Once.”

    “We also have an entire moose. And we have a horse in here. And probably about two bison. And it’s also where we keep our filing cabinet. So it’s our office.”

    “We also call it the Overflow Skull Storage Room.”

    “Seriously, if you want to watch an orgy on campus, it is in here.

  51. It’s like Beatrix Potter’s cute little world was attacked by zombies! How do you find this crazy stuff?!

  52. I’m starting to feel as though Ebay might need to consider look a little closer at its users….like, you can’t use Ebay until after your background check and retina scan.

  53. There’s a business in town here called Alive Again Taxidermy. The visual image that name gives me always creeps me out. Now, combined with that Thumper/Barbie hybrid, I’m going to have nightmares for months.

  54. I’m dying over Victor’s comment and then your response…hilarious! And the description of the rabbit with the missing foot & fingers seriously kills me!

  55. You know, Jenny, far be it for me agree with Victor here because I kind of dig the creepy taxidermy, but…(and I might be going out on a limb here) wouldn’t it be more cost effective at this point to make your own taxidermed (is that even a word?) animals in stead of bidding on them on Ebay? I’m betting that you picked up some mad skills growing up and could whip up your own rabbit woman hybrid easy peasy. And then, you could sell your own creations on Ebay. Everyone would be clamoring for a Jenny Original!

  56. My husband does a little taxidermy. I found myself yelling “Don’t you dare thaw out that animals and skin it until after our sons birthday party!” And I then thought “I bet not many people have said that. Well, maybe Jenny Lawson’s mom has said something similar.”

  57. Perhaps “new” means the same as “gently-used iPod” when it’s broken with a cracked screen… Bastards.

    Am I the only one a little freaked out he’s on his back? Why couldn’t they put him in a fun action pose, like holding a light saber. That’s a squirrel I would buy.

  58. Jenny, I adore you and will be re-reading your book once my mom finds it and returns it to me, but thank you for making my obsession with Thor look semi-rational. 🙂

  59. Franken-rabbit? Flying Squirrels who don’t? Pft!
    I’m far too concerned that someone who can spell ‘anthropomorphic’ also typed “seen”, “foxs” and did not once use a single little full-stop!

    Here’s some, pass them on ……………………………………………………………………………………………….

  60. My favorite part is that the arms and legs have been “seen” on with blue thread. Those foxes sure are sly making it up to the roof and all! Ha!

    Amy*

  61. I think it is awesome and cute. Reminds me of the Peter Rabbit tales. But maybe I too am just messed up since I did grow up with a family that kept rattlers and crows in the freezer and animal hides in the yard.

  62. My sister’s dog recently ate a bunny and then threw up its head. Maybe, instead of being grossed out, she should have attached the head onto a doll. It seems as though her dog was trying to help her.

  63. I…I don’t….I don’t really have words.
    Someone paid a lot of money for a bunny head on a 80% doll body. Why so much?
    And…what if that “flying” squirrel isn’t really taxidermied? He doesn’t look like it. He looks like he was stomped. And brought in. And you will get a stinky package in the mail if you buy him.

    NEW. He’s NEW. WHUT.

  64. “In the box with the foxs” killed me. I spit tea. I just want to spend like 10 minutes in your brain. That’d probably be enough to scare me away…

  65. My nieces plan to have be taxidermied (is that a word) when I die. They want to run wires through my body so they can move me around and put me in different poses. They love me…a lot.

  66. It’ll probably be beneficial to you to not buy it in the long run, as the seller CLEARLY doesn’t know that the plural of “fox” is “foxen.”

  67. Ok then…
    I’m just gonna slide this dish under your door. Look, you’ll like it. It’s a valium burrito, your favorite. Oh, wait – that burrito’s mine, but if you want, I’ll try to rustle up some Judy Garland trail mix. *whispers* …I’ll just let myself out…

  68. are the foxes anthropomorpic things too?! is this seller selling the foxes? Why are the foxes so briefly mentioned and then left to be forgotten?

  69. So if eBay had actual editors (which they clearly do not), or rejectors of asshattery, how would they edit the flying squirrel one?

    Sir, you cannot advertise this …. thing…. as a flying squirrel. It is a pelt and clearly cannot fly unaided. Plus, it is not new. It’s obviously used.

  70. Sounds like someone is about two dead animals away from not being allowed on the internet any more!

  71. I started crying when I saw this post. I was laughing SO hard. I like how the seller posed the rabbit-human in such an attractive position. Online shopping has taken things to a new level.

  72. @My Half Assed Life #76
    I zoomed in on the photo (so nobody else would have to) and I didn’t see any junk so it probably IS a female. As someone who works with flying squirrels as part of my job (for reals, y’all) I can tell you that flying squirrel junk is small and that the photo is too fuzzy to tell for sure.

    Also? That tail on the flying squirrel is about a third shorter than it should be, so I’m guessing that she didn’t meet her end by flying into a glass window. Just saying.

    As for the “Thumper/Barbie Hybrid”… I got nuthin’.

  73. Flying squirrel? I think that’s a typo and it should say LYING SQUIRREL. Not lying, as in dishonest. Lying, as in… not… standing.

  74. The missing foot seems artistic. Kind of some ironic type statement on lucky rabbits foot or something. But they lost me at the missing fingers. Of course, I never did understand art.

  75. There are days when I wonder things like “Why is the rabbitgirl naked? What did the foxs have to do with that? Did they eat her foot and leave her, cold and mangled, naked in the wilderness of the attic, to make it through life as best as she could, hoping some day to be rescued and displayed on ebay for all the world to see?” These are the days that I know are going to be very interesting!

  76. I actually wanted to tell you that you’re being discriminated against in theatres. Or at least Canadian theatres. I went to see a movie on the weekend, and along with ads about ‘no cell phones, no texting’, it said ‘no taxidermy’. Now, I wasn’t able to determine whether this is a prohibition against *bringing* taxidermy, or just against *the act of taxidermying whilst in the theatre*, but nevertheless I thought you should know.

  77. I’m sorry, but I cannot fathom why anyone decided to put a rabbit’s head on a doll body. That is one rationale I would love to hear.

  78. How on earth can someone sell a dead squirrel? Is it even stuffed? It looks like just a dead squirrel. Is that legal?

    The rabbit on the body….yeah, speechless here. Got nothing.

  79. #1, whoever did the rabbit is amazing.

    #2, I agree with others – the biggest problem with the whole thing is just the grammar error, because clearly they meant “on the roof with the foxen.”

  80. “Warning: If taxidermy creeps you out you probably shouldn’t be here at all.”

    Well, it didn’t BEFORE.

  81. Set up the DVR for Imortalized – I can’t wait! Love the fact that it begins on Valentine’s Day – I can just picture that romantic evening!

  82. I totally agree. I hate false advertising. Never mind that we’re selling creepy taxidermy on ebay. At least give a truthful description of your messed up hobbies.

  83. Me, through howling laughter: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god… My cousin*: What’s going on in there!?

    *My cousin took me while homeless, she’s clueless as to why she hears/sees me in tears from laughter most mornings. Someday, when my books are retrieved from storage in Colorado, I’ll mail her my LET’S PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED to clue her in.

    Oh, and last night I learned that we have a house to move into ASAP… Yay.

  84. I have a small gator head that I bought at a sports show. I ripped the head off a baby doll & wired the head onto the doll body. It has a wig on it. Need to get some sort of clothing on it. Yeah, I make my own weird shit.

  85. New is definitely not the word I would choose here…seems like Dead would at least be somewhat accurate, or perhaps even Renewed…if you want to consider taxidermy as renewing…LOL.

  86. It’s actually kind of awesome that someone outbid you on this. Think about it. This is huge. Someone else is out there in the universe collecting this kind of stuff. Maybe lots of people are collecting taxidermied animals in crazy clothing. This could actually mean that you are more mainstream than originally predicted.

  87. Maybe the person who out bid you is really a fan, and they bought it to give to you at a book signing somewhere on your book tour…they were all, “OMG, Jenny would LOVE this.”

  88. Whenever my husband rolls his eyes at me in exasperation, I just pull up posts like this to show him how bad it could be. It doesn’t make him feel better.

  89. I love you and everything you have ever said in your entire life, but the picture of the dead flying squirrel killed me a little inside. Maybe it’s because I have 2 pet flying squirrels, maybe it’s because I am secretly jealous of all the dead/ stuffed animals you have, or maybe it is because you seem to be the coolest person alive. Whatever reason it is, I am sure I will get past this issue I am having and continue to stalk your blog for more randomness.

  90. Oh, no. This squirrel is much too old. This thing will never make a present. Try again. Don’t give up!
    Something fresher. Something pleasant.

  91. How do you find this shit? That’s a talent all in itself. Condolences on the loss, but you should consider contacting whoever outbid you – clearly you two could be best pals. Or perhaps bitter rivals. Hm.

  92. Sometimes God intervenes and keeps us from having things we “need” because – awesome or not – WE DON’T NEED THEM. But THEN God sends you the “new” flying squirrel, which was apparently flying when it accidentally flew into a vat of liquid nitrogen – sealing its fate into perpetuity. Good form for a flying squirrel. Apparently that shit matters…

  93. I have a dead squirrel in my front yard. It must have had a heart attack because I saw it fall out of a tree. Is that the sign of an impending apocalypse? More importantly, do taxidermists do pick-up and delivery?

  94. I was just watching TV and saw a large metal chicken. All I could think was “Knock, knock.” By the way, is the item located in Lenin’s Tomb a taxidermied zombie?

  95. I think that’s a hugging squirrel. Which is so cute!! Every time your down Mr. Hugger will give you a great big hug and turn that frown, upside down. Buy it!

  96. Love love love this. I’m pretty sure there’s some flying squirrels out in the alley behind my work. I’m gonna sell em and get rich!

  97. My son just read a bunch of Sylvia Plath for a middle-school assignment, so I showed him your take on the Bunny-Lady listing, and he is still shrieking with laughter. I am absurdly thrilled to show him that something he learned in school has actual relevance to his life! Thank you, dear Jenny, for this teachable moment!

    xxx

  98. Hi, Jenny.
    Long time reader, first time writer. I love your blog. It brings humor to some of my driest (or most hungover of days). Although, I love your blog, I cannot navigate your site to find a place to contact you directly. Maybe that is on purpose. Anyhoo, I must have the “Stop” shirt, but in baby size. My longest, best friend ever is having a baby and this baby needs that shirt. Can you instruct me on how to order it? Would so appreciate it.
    Thanks for the laughs,
    Jessica

  99. Maybe the non-flying squirrel was first found by the foxs in the roof. Or maybe it thought it was a flying fox? Were you puzzled by the fact that someone who “seen arms on with blue thread” and spells foxes, foxs could come up with the word anthropomophical?

  100. You’ve been nominated for an award on my blog – for bloggers that make you pee laughing! Having read this I can see why. also as a taxidermy lover and proud owner of three dead squirrels (Sally, Malcolm and Tufty since you ask) I love that you love weird shit. Get over to my blog as there is a category for weirdest blog too and I just bet you would love them!!

  101. I have found THE site for you! I love your obsession with these critters and applaud you for displaying them!

  102. It doesn’t matter how horrible my mood, if I stop and read The Bloggess, everything is better. Thank you for making me snort with laughter every time I visit.

  103. Hey, you need to check out http://www.shopgoodwill.com I just saw ataxidermied BLOWFISH and two stiffy looking frogs. It’s quite the website. Think E-bay but depressing. But cheaper. And completely completely weirder. You cannot imagine what people donate to the GoodWill. xo Pal

  104. Oh i wish i was joking —you got me curious about this ebay taxidermy thing and just look what i found today! i was thinking if your husband wanted to make more points with your Dad, he could well… make him a new bag with Item #: 370757179416:
    REAL HARD tanned BUFFALO SCROTUM mountainman bag bison pouch ball bag nut sac. Better than a sow’s ear? It’s only up to $15.00! A steal?

  105. It’s still a flying squirrel…it’s just dead. You’ll have to throw it from tree to tree now.

  106. Um, technically that is a permanently grounded squirrel. Dude ain’t gonna be flyin’ no more…

  107. I saw a trailer for a TV show about taxidermy…and thought you might be an executive producer…at any rate, as soon as I saw the trailer, I thought of you.

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