For the love of God, entertain me.

This has been the shittiest week ever and so instead of publishing a real post today I’m just sharing a video of my cat (Ferris Mewler) who is currently practicing rolling over.  Because cats doing dog tricks make me feel less stabby.

FERRIS, ROLL OVER:

Also, spellcheck just tried to autocorrect “less stabby” to “less shabby“.

Oh spellcheck, it’s like you’ve never even met me.

 

149 thoughts on “For the love of God, entertain me.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Sorry about the shitty week. But woohoo for cute cat videos! One of our cats likes to chase her tail, and I’ve got a great video of her doing it in a laundry basket!

  2. Yes, amen to shitty week!! And my phone tried to correct shitty to shite, dann, it’s SO proper!!!

  3. Something about this week screams awful and stabby. Hope your next week gets better

  4. okay here’s the deal. I have a list of people that honestly NEED stabbing. You take care of my list….I take care of your list. Bada Bing Bada Boom! There is peace in the kingdom again!

    And while you are *cough cough* running my errands, Ferris can come have a play date with my cat Diesel.

  5. Shitty weeks all round. Maybe if we all think really hard, next week’ll be better. Or maybe someone horrible will spontaneously combust.
    Win/win, really.

  6. My autocorrect fail of the week had me saying I would “pussy” rather than pray for my friend.

  7. There is nothing like a cat doing tricks to make a shitty week better. Cats are cool like that 🙂

  8. Music and Ferris!!! Yes it has been one of the shittier weeks. We made it though!!!!!

    I am about to pop a little Xanax, it being Friday I have earned it this week and I have been having an anxiety attack since 7:45 am. The spell check/auto correct shit on my phone changes Xanax to Canadian. So every time you see the word Canadian, substitute Xanax.

  9. It must have been that kind of week. I’m consoling myself watching Josh Homme and QOTSA and drinking a really strong beer. And laughing at my bombay cat meowing to Josh Homme’s singing.

  10. Gawd, what is it with everyone having a shitty week? Is Mercury in retrograde? Or is Jupiter not aligned with Mars or whatever the fuck is supposed to happen so we’re not all stabby? I wish something would align somewhere- even if it’s just my steering column…

  11. I’m sorry you’re having a shitty week … if it makes you feel any better… at least you don’t have a pimple the size of mount Rushmore on your face like me 😐

  12. Shitty Week, ok, I just moved back home with my Mother, I am 49 fucking years old, and the only book I can find in all my boxes is yours…I love you, you have kept me sane, you are amazing, please never leave me or us, or the internets!

  13. Everyone should watch cat videos when they have a shitty week. Or Doctor Who reruns. I especially like the ones from 2006ish set in the near future like oh, say, 2012.

  14. Well, if you’d like to die of boredom, you can watch this guy talk about different kinds of fishing poles. That’s a pretty painful way to die, though. I wouldn’t suggest watching this.

    You’re welcome.

  15. I’m sorry you’re having a rough week…I agree with the above commenter… It is so way in the planetary alignment! Swear to god!

  16. I need more Ferris Mewler, I have had quite a stabby day too…. Bring him on.

  17. My son told me yesterday if I knew that when a person farts in the tub it makes bubbles. (He’s 7.)

    I wouldn’t even post that, but my husband is convinced that fart humor is ALWAYS funny.

    Hope you feel better.

  18. Obviously, the week has sucked for many of us – and you’ve shared Ferris Mewler to cheer us up!

  19. I can’t agree enough that this is the shittiest week ever. I had to put my fur baby to sleep on Tuesday, she was only 7, and it was beyond unexpected.

  20. This week started out AMAZING… my husband got an interview at a school in a Northern California coastal town that we have been DREAMING of moving to for years! We were in heaven at the prospect of our dream coming true. He had a fantastic chance of being offered the job, too! But then we found out how much of a pay cut he would be taking… HOLY SHIT BALLS, they pay their teachers less than Starbucks pays their managers. Seriously folks, we were floored! There was absolutely no way that we would be able to afford the move with that… or start saving to buy a freaking out!

    In one week our dreams were coming true and then crushed. It was our chance to get out of here. Now we’re stuck. I am so freaking sad that there is no word to adequately describe it.

    I hope things get better for you <3

  21. You’re not alone in having a craptastic week. Praise cats and random weirdness for saving people like us.

  22. I could send you a video of Arnold-the-cat carrying around an Angry Bird hat. (The red bird) He carries it around, calling out to me. Then he drops it at my feet,

  23. Somersaults in a box! Creative kitty. Sorry about your shitty week, especially about your grandmother. Hope the weekend brings you something happy.

  24. Entertain you? Hmm, let’s see…

    A zombie applying for a job? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLIl2ZYsyVI

    A Carl Sagan cooking show? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6702kRYz4sQ

    Anakin, Obi Wan and Yoda having an uncomfortable moment? http://www.treelobsters.com/2013/05/472-forced-politeness.html

    A list of very bad food puns? http://www.treelobsters.com/2013/04/469-discomfort-food.html

    What the hell is Data’s problem anyway? http://www.treelobsters.com/2013/04/464-generation-gap.html

    Peter Jackson going off the deep end? http://www.treelobsters.com/2013/03/460-hat-trick.html

    I think that’s all I’ve got.

  25. I’m entering the frey with my own entry. Long time listener, first time caller. I’m from Houston, so your blog reads like a slice of home. I currently live in Portland, Oregon. That explains a lot, dudn’ it.

  26. My Snowflake would like to know if Ferris Mewler is into older women!

    Sorry it’s been a stabby week!

  27. I too had a bad week. Oh it started so well sure. I put down a slave revolt on my planet, Mingo if you must know. Claimed another planet for the empire. Things were looking up. Then this chap in a blue box stopped by for tea and a beheading. The silly bugger stopped the beheading, stole my best new planet and then set my slaves free. I tell you its hard some days trying to be a ruthless emperor. Sigh!

    Here’s hoping next week brings blue sky’s or taxidermy or blue sky’s and taxidermy or perhaps a cat enabled can opener or at least feral pet rocks. Feral because domestic pet rocks are just too lame.
    ta-ta
    Ming the mostly merciless.

  28. Don’t computers nowadays learn about the things you type frequently? I mean, what’s the benefit of all of our computer takes over the world with knowledge of us stories if they don’t actually learn anything?

  29. You make me bark out loud with laughter. And I’m not a dog. I don’t even play one on television.

  30. The awesome thing about shitty weeks is that they do end. Even if they roll into another shitty week, at least that first shitty week is OVER.

    May the weekend dull the knives.

  31. Well, I have to admit, I’ve had a pretty crap week too… Although I wish I was able to feel stabby… :/

  32. So sorry your week sucked. Sorry about Great-Grandmother’s passing. You know, even though they are gone, they are still with us.

    I’m still reading your book. A page at a time. It’s really good, and I see a lot of myself in your writing (with many exceptions), although my writing is nowhere near as insightful or engaging or any good. Haha. yeah, I’ve had a glass of wine or four.

    My latest post is not exactly funny or entertaining, really, unless you like food. I’m working on a post about my cat Meow-soleum. I have had many cats in my life and felt compelled to write about them.

    Yeah, let’s make this all about ME. Dammit.

    Hope the coming weekend is more FUN.

  33. Awesome…and so sorry about your week.

    Sigh. iPhone tried to change “week” to “smeek” because obviously iPhone thinks I’m some word inventor. Wtf iPhone?

  34. I’m definitely stabby this week. Now I’m hiding at home so I don’t stab someone I actually care about by accident.

  35. When I feel stabby, I think about trying to wear a Snuggie, but then I just feel worse, because MYGOD, why would anyone wear one of those things and then I feel stabbier and sheesh I’ll shut up now. Looks like Hallmark isn’t gonna hire me anytime soon.

    Feel better, luv.

  36. Sorry you had a shitty week. Ferris is entertaining, though. Did he manage to tumble over with the box eventually?
    Reading the comments I’ll add my “shitty week over here, too” two cents worth. Shitty! Just plain fucked up. Fucked up week, fucked up month, fucked up two months.
    But we all get over that, don’t we? With cats & booze & in your case Victor and Hailey. See, you luck out – other’s only get the first two.
    Cheers

  37. Anything cats get up to in boxes make one feel less stabby. My kitty is a senior citizen and yet he becomes a total goofball if there is a box to climb into 🙂

  38. My cats both do tricks… on command. The smart one sits, begs, shakes his left and right paw, and lays down. He also rings a bell to go outside. He is an awesome cat.

  39. It has been my worst week in quite sometime too. Sorry yours has sucked so hard and sorry for your families loss. I hope things get better soon. Ferris Mewler is adorable.

  40. Cat antics fix so many things. Sadly my current living situation denies me my cats, so I have to borrow other peoples. Thank you so much for sharing yours. I absolutely adore Ferris Mewler and Hunter S. Tomcat.

  41. Re-read your book at the beach. Suspect it inspired me to drink too much. I shouldn’t combine tequila and Taxidermy. Still think it deserves a Pulitzer.

  42. As if a person couldn’t be stabby. I would WAY rather be stabby than shabby. Auto-correct is just trying to make us all boring.

  43. This week blew
    Thank God it is Friday
    Kittens like to chew

    Shitty poetry to commemorate a shitty week.

    Next week will be better. {Hugs}

  44. you’re so cute. random, but i miss your bangs. can i give you joan crawford eyebrows?

  45. Sad cat diary, which made me laugh out loud even though I do not personally have cats due to being kind of allergic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKffm2uI4dk

    Also, on a serious note for whatever it may be worth, too long for Twitter: I was just Hailey’s age when my great grandmother died. Although I wish I’d known her as an adult, I do remember her (and tell stories about her), and I remember that she loved me. That means so much. I am sad for your family, but also happy to hear that your daughter will have a memory of love like that when she’s older. I hope that’s not terribly presumptuous (if it is, please just delete the comment), but I thought it might help.

  46. I say I feel “stabby” all the time. It’s a perfectly cromulent word.
    Spell check might not know me, but my coworkers do.

  47. I was on Amazon and right next to your book in the “others also bought” list was a “fresh, whole rabbit.”!?!? The photo showed it already skinned, or it would have made more sense I guess. It actually seemed kind of right until I thought about it from a taxidermy point of view. Anyway, is was $45. Wonder if that’s a good price.

  48. Tequila anyone? Thank God for a long weekend to recover from Week-o-shit. Full moon tonight ….its got to get better! Hugs to everyone . Melissa – so sorry you lost your fur baby.

  49. My most recent post has a picture of stationery that looks like a cute panda but touts the fact it easily disintegrates and therefore doubles as toilet paper. This is one of many treasures I’ve rediscovered as we pack to move…

  50. Hey Margie, I’m in your age range and I just moved out of my car one month and three weeks ago. We’re all gonna be fine!

    Jenny: Hang in! Shitty weeks they come and they go. But spellcheck is forever. (Not really sure that that’s reassuring, but it’s what I’ve got. 😉

    Hugs all around, to everyone in the Bloggess-o-sphere.

  51. Cats in boxes doing dog tricks – doesn’t get much better than that. My week was quite shitty as well saved only by my cat doing goofy things. Cats make everything better.

  52. If it’s any comfort, my *eyes* tried to autocorrect “less stabby” to “less shabby”. Or maybe it was the wine.

  53. Get thee to YouTube.
    Type in ‘Bill Dance Bloopers’. There is an absolute classic where he loses an outboard motor and looks like he’s mixing a really big cake, or on a jack hammer in the water. I can’t decide which; I’ve usually got tears in my eyes by that stage.

    Thank you Wendy # 57 my afternoon was *completely* wasted… but in a good way :o)

  54. I think you might need to enroll your cat in an entry level gymnastics class. He seems a little confused about basic body mechanics. Perhaps Hunter S tomcat shared some of his ‘stuff’, so Ferris forgot how to roll. His body. Maybe instead of gymnastics he needs rehab…?

  55. Mmmm, my week’s been pretty shitty too. At least if you’re feeling stabby that indicates other people are the source of your problem, I made a stupid decision and was made to feel like the biggest idiot and worst mother ever because of it, and now I just feel sick about myself, and I can’t get away from myself, dammit. Hope your weekend is much, much better.

  56. I thought that was why we have animals……..you know, so we don’t stab people.

  57. Spell check is an asshole.
    Ferris is my favorite.
    I’m having a shit week myself. Have been crying all morning, better in than out.
    Thank you for the video.
    Love and hugs. We’re in this together.

  58. What is it with this week? It’s been a shitty week for me, and most everybody I know. Thank you for something that made it slightly less so!

  59. Funny, I’ve had a stabby week too. And, we ALL need to add “stabby” to our custom dictionary. And ensure that “shabby” auto corrects to “stabby.”

  60. I do not know what happened… but it will be okay 🙂
    Until it is, I submit for your entertainment a video of my cat making his weird death rattle chirp.
    It roughly translates to “Omg I want that bug/red dot/piece of dust/bird/something you can’t see on the wall/ceiling/curtain/outside the window”. Or, sometimes, “Omg please throw the mousie so I can chase it pleaseplease I want it”.

  61. I’m a massive fan of the TV show “Supernatural,” and a few months back, when the Harlem Shake was all the rage, the cast and crew decided to do a video for it. The two guys you see in the beginning? The stars of the show, with the one dancing the “most serious” in demeanor of the two, usually.

    http://youtu.be/7m657-K0hyk

    I would tell you to watch the show – the first seven (7) seasons are out on DVD, but sometimes the level of angst gets to be a bit much. However, if you do, you’ll look at salt in a completely different way.

    *hugs*

  62. Try fetch. With pipe-cleaners mashed up into little balls (that prevents the poke-y part from poking their mouth, or your butt when you find yourself sitting on them). Balls don’t work for cats because they get distracted by the rolling thing. And little toy mice just feels like you’re throwing them food. Both my cats play–one took a bit of training, but the other is a natural, and performs quite the acrobatics while doing so.

  63. If you want to feel better get an animal they definetly do the trick they can make you feel amazing almost instantly. When I have a down day the first thing I do it get my laptop and look for cute animal videos. My little Toy Poodle has been my saving grace for the last year she is the most adorable little dog

  64. my autocorrect changed panadeine (australian painkiller) to panda wine. because apparently that’s far better to take if you have a headache. thanks autocorrect.
    sorry about your shit week

  65. Have you ever read stfuparentsblog.com? It’s good for cheering up! Especially the gold star category because it is full of people with an excellent grasp of sarcasm and humor!

  66. Funny story: I had to write about lingerie for work (retail copywriter) and in my research (because I know nothing about lingerie) I kept hitting NSFW websites that I was getting flagged for! It’s like they didn’t want me to write a good “how to buy lingerie” article.

  67. Quickest way I know to cheer myself up is to bring something new into the house and watch the cats explore it. Boxes are always new and amazing. To really step up the entertainment, get a live crawfish at the grocery store. Hours of kitty bafflement right there.

  68. spellcheck is a dirty whore and positively NEVER knows what I am thinking despite having been my BFF for fucking ever.

  69. I have had a pretty shitty week, too! Here’s to things getting. . . . well. . . . less stabby! Wish I could send you a video of my cat. She came to my door about a year ago and asked to come in, so she has rewarded me with being the only cat I have ever owned who fetches. She not only likes to fetch, she is pretty damn insistent about it! A toy, a bottle cap, a piece of paper, she doesn’t care what it is!

  70. “Stabby” isn’t a word yet? Didn’t you coin that phrase eons ago? Other bloggers use it all the time. I just read it in another blog yesterday. We all know you started saying it first, though, no one’s pretending you didn’t.

    Congratulations on being a major player in the EVOLUTION OF LANGUAGE.

    And Ferris is cute.

  71. Oh Mr Ferris! How I have missed your antics…. You are one cool dude…..

    Jenny – hugs from afar – which makes your week less shitty because if they were in person – that would be bad for both our anxieties right?

    Anyway – Tomorrow starts a new week – wash this one away (snow cone anyone? with TEQUILA?) and look forward to another opportunity.

  72. I totally feel you on the sucky week. This has been one for the record books for me too. Not sure I really WANT to set a record for sucky week.. but man…

    Thanks for cheering us up with Ferris Mewler.. Mischief and Mayhem send their regards, and are enjoying showing off their new cat tricks as well.

  73. I got together with a couple friends last night and we all had supremely coprophagic weeks. Bad mojo all around. I’m too hot and drugged up on a combo of antihistimines, decongestants, and pain killers to entertain you, though. It took me 5 minutes to type this. You’re definitely not alone, though.

  74. Get embroiled in an internet fight it is the best way to distract yourself. I am fighting with a scout master who thinks gay people are immoral and hence cannot be scouts.

  75. Well, I HAVEN’T actually ever met you. 😉
    But, when you think about it, both “less stabby” and “less shabby” seem more comfortable.

  76. Glad to hear I am not alone with the shitty week. Although mine became even shittier tonight–and I mean that literally. My poor dog exploded in his kennel. It was like what I would imagine a crime scene to be but instead of blood it was poo smattered (is that a word?) throughout.

  77. I love that a box is all it takes to entertain a cat. And the smaller the box, the better. If we could all be so easily satisfied, the world would be a better place.

  78. I’ve taught mine to play fetch and play dead (I’ve got video of her playing dead because all the dog owners didnt believe me)

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