Marketing done right.

I get lots of books mailed to me because people want me to write about them, but I usually don’t because I suck at time-management, and so I end up with piles of books around my desk which I plan to read one day when deadlines don’t exist anymore.  I sort them into piles labeled “This looks awesome”, “Is this some sort of joke?” and “Now I’m just confused”.  Most recently on my “confused” pile was a package that included a book about dad-oriented crafts, together with a well-used copy of my own book, which is a very nice gift, but also weird because I already own my own book.

I don't get it.

But after a few days I noticed that the cats kept knocking down (and pawing manically at) my “I’m just confused” pile and that’s when I realized that the author of the craft book had, in fact, modified my book:

That's an old dead bat. In my book.

Then Victor came up behind me and was like, “What the shit? Who sent you a mummified bat in your book?” And it was a fair question, but I think a better one would have been “Why does this dead bat have an erection?” But instead Victor was all, “Why are you even concerned about his penis? YOU ARE MISSING THE FOREST FOR THE TREES” but really I was just missing the dead bat for his bafflingly pointy penis and that’s not really a good metaphor at all.

I sort of forgot what I was writing here because wine, but the point is that I usually suck at giving shout-outs, but this kind of marketing?  This deserves recognition.  This is how you do marketing, people.  KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE.  And give them a surprise mummified bat penis (attached to an ethically-taxidermied bat) to wonder over because that’s probably going to get you a free link to your book.

The only full sentence of mine you can still read on this page is "I always have my vagina with me." Awesome.

PS. I should probably clarify that the actual craft here is “build-your-own-secret-compartment-book-to-hide-treasures-in.”  It’s not “mummify-the-dead-bat-you-found-and-then-mail-it-to-perfect-strangers.”

Honestly, that would be a weird craft, even for me.

210 thoughts on “Marketing done right.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. You get the weirdest gifts ever. To be fair, when close up, that penis is quite noticeable. Fair play. I work in marketing and when I see genius stuff like this it makes me smile — we haven’t been all consumed by political correctness and gift baskets. Someone did good.

  2. That is amazing. Also… Sign me up for the weird crafts… 😛
    Kidding… Mostly….
    Also also, You are amazing and hilarious and just plain Awesome!

  3. Well, talk about effective advertising. I’m intrigued, and I wouldn’t have looked at the craft book twice if not for this. Next time I see it, I’m checking it out.

  4. Oh my god this is incredible. And this dude must follow this blog and is awesome, seriously.

  5. So you’re saying mailing mummified animals to strangers is a bit too weird? Well, there goes my plan for the wedding invitations…

  6. My brother did that craft with a Hardy Boys book when I was little (he was bigger). It wasn’t until I was older that I understood why he kept a very small pipe and some ashy-smelling herbs in it.

    (Sorry, BRB, need to go check all the books in my 14yo son’s bookshelf.)

  7. Mike Adamick is one of the most awesome people anywhere. And this just proves it again.

    (Also, his book is pretty terrific. I don’t remember seeing a Dead Bat in a Book craft project in there, but it’s very possible that I missed that chapter. If not, maybe he could add it in the second run. I know kids would dig it.)

  8. First of all, whenever I find myself at a newly posted blog without comments, this juvenile urge comes over me to post “First!” Nevermind that I’ve never done that, cared for that, or really understood the reason people do that. Maybe it’s primal.

    Also, when I was little, I thought it was so cool to have a hidden compartment in a book, and even made my own once. But I hardly ever used it. Probably because I didn’t have anything as cool as a mummified dead bat to put inside it.

  9. He probably wrote the book just to have a plausible reason to send you a bat that had OD’ed on Viagra.

  10. Okay so I saw your post on twitter and thought you were just having insomnia until I read this Blog. Now I definitely have insomnia and think this is weird even for someone in marketing, like I am supposedly.

    What is that little mini trapeze stand thingie he is hanging from? I would burn some sage and then burn this (your only sanctioned temporary book burning pass) and then burn some more sage. Then maybe make a tobacco poultice and spit on something. Again very loosely following Scottish principles but the basics are there.

  11. Surely that is the best marketing ever. Add the dead bat thing to the book and it will encourage crafting projects with kids long after it would normally be “uncool”.

  12. I’ve met Mike Adamick through his writing on the SFGate blog The Poop (a parenting blog.) He is a great guy, a terrific writer and crazy creative. As you just found out. I love this!

  13. Now, see, that’s kind of awesome, and he definitely seems to know his target audience! Besides, if nothing else it made me laugh.

    (I almost feel like I should have started this comment with “Long time reader, first time commenter…” but hey.)

  14. this blog never ceases to amaze me with shit that I’m not sure I ever wanted to see, but yet can’t stop looking at.

  15. Is it weird that I read through the comments totally expecting someone to explain the bat penis? And now I’m sad, because I might have to google ‘dead bat penis’ myself.

  16. *DYING* OMG. Seriously, Jenny? This is almost as great as Beyoncé (cuz let’s face it, NOTHING is as great as “Knock, Knock, Motherfucker”). I think it’s quite hilarious that the bat’s penis isn’t pointing directly to the verbage about your vagina.

  17. Curse you, Mike Adamick and your evil brand of genius! Why didn’t *I* put a dead animal with an erection in my book and give it to you?! It seems so obvious now…

  18. In the smaller picture of the bat my brain kept telling me it was wearing a tiny leather motorcycle jacket, ala grease. I don’t know if I am more disappointed that’s not true or worried that my glasses prescription is woefully out of date.

  19. Thank you for this. After a long day at work I thought, I need to laugh. Sure, enough, you never let me down. Brilliant marketing ploy, so much more effective than a stress ball or a coffee mug filled with hard candies that no one wants to eat.

  20. Hmmmmm. I just keep thinking that now he is going to have to buy another copy of your book. And also, I want my own mummified bat.

  21. Yay! Glad it arrived and thank you! I figured Hailey could use the book as a stash when the cats are done with it ….

    And seriously, I didn’t even SEE the bat penis until now. But now? Yikes. For some reason it seemed perfectly reasonable to send a dead bat in the mail. But apparently I cringe at the thought of sending penises. Good to know.

    For the record, this is a cynopterus brachyotis, or lesser short-nosed fruit bat. They enjoy mangoes, presumably when they’re not trapped in books or, you know, dead. And both the female lactate and feed the young. I hope that helps in name selection …

    Thank you again!

  22. You have to admit…it was clever. If your cats hadn’t smelled the mummified bat I wouldn’t be reading this right now.

  23. That would be both female AND male lactate and feed the…. Oh lord. I’m done. This is beyond strange now. Good night and thank you again!

  24. I’m glad you added the PS because as much as info feel I know you and adore your bizarre sense of reality, I *was* wondering if this was going to turn out to be a good thing or a bad thing. I mean, good marketing? Yes. Scary as fuck? Also yes.

  25. Sometimes I am so jealous of you! Nobody has ever sent me a mummified bat. And now that it’s been done …. well, it’s been done. I wouldn’t want a dead bat now.

  26. Wow. That’s a really special surprise because each one would be uniquely created for just one person. Nothing could be cooler, well may 2 dead bats. And those cats are heroes.

  27. I want to know the bats story. Did this guy taxidermy it himself, deliberately leaving it with a tiny boner? DId he kill it? Find it? Or did he just happen to find a bat a random taxidermied like that with the penis erection?

  28. Personally, I’m a little saddened that there’s not a how-to mummify your very own bat penis. Not that I’ve got spares hanging around, but if I did, it would give me something to do with them.

  29. Well, I’m kind of ‘still’ up, except here it’s your tomorrow. That is some seriously awesome marketing. And I love that you follow through with a link when they’ve earned it!

  30. I was reading this while drinking my morning cup of coffee and by the time I reached the end I was convinced I was still dreaming, so I had to pour myself another cup of coffee and read it again, including the comments.

    I learn so much from reading your blog and comments. Now I know that live male bats are lactating, while ethically correct dead mummified male bats have erections. Good to know.

  31. Coolest gift ever! Unless, off course, the bat had been dressed as Batman. Because, really, what wouldn’t be better dressed as Batman? (Although, would that be redundant? Kinda like a human dressed as Human-man?)

  32. Extremely creative thinking this is!

    I have already named the mummified bat in my head: Captain “Horns” and Scales.

  33. There’s a string attached to the bat? Is it meant to be removed from the book and used as a Christmas tree ornament? Because that would be cool.

  34. Wouldn’t it be great to put a few copies of your book with bats in them on the shelf in the bookstore. Unsuspecting customers would go home, open their new book, and find a mummified bat penis.

  35. So all the people who have forked over their hard-earned cash to advertise on this awesome site had to do was kill a bat, stuff it, place its corpse in a modified book and they’d get The Bloggess Seal of Approval?

    Those people are going to want to kill themselves.

    I know that’s how I feel right now.

  36. I had no idea we were supposed to include books with our mailed gifts to you. Can you please pretend that I sent you the best book ever along with the rainbow unicorn bookends? Thanks.

  37. “I sort of forgot what I was writing here because wine…” That line made me cackle loud enough to wake the neighbors. Apparently I’m very easily amused at 6 AM. Also missing the entire point of the post because, well, 6 AM.

    But seriously, how well does this guy know you?? MUMMIFIED BAT WITH AN ERECTION. That’s a winner right there.

  38. Are you sure that’s not the bat’s tail? I’m not familiar with that species, but some bats are “free-tailed”. And as you know, taxidermists sometimes make unfortunate errors. Although it makes a better story the way you’ve told it. 🙂

  39. OMG….all those boys were right! A hard-on can kill you, if you are a bat apparently. Carry on girls. They almost had us fooled. Almost.

  40. Imagine the FINESSE and CRAFTSMANSHIP required to taxidermy a bat penis. This takes skill,y’all. Dude deserves credit.

  41. I’m confused as to whether the author liked your book, or felt it was the only book he could part with in order to house his bat carcass.

  42. So, I did that craft. And then I put $500 cash in the book so that we would have a secret stash of cash we could forget about and not spend but keep handy in the event of a zombie apocalypse. But then like a year later I was cleaning out my book shelf and giving a bunch of books away to half price books and I forgot about my secret stash of zombie money and I gave the book to half price books. And I didn’t realize it until weeks later when I needed $20 for parking and went to go get it and realized what I had done. And by then half price books claimed they didn’t get the book from me (best day EVER for the person working the book counter the day I came in– I presume).

    So then I got to tell my husband that I’d accidentally sold our zombie apocalypse money to half price books in a big bag full of other books for $6. And to his credit, he was not that upset. But he did suggest I put money some place more logical like my purse or a fire proof safe, as opposed to hiding in a book. And also that if I really wanted to prepare for the zombie apocalypse I should probably just invest in guns instead of cash. And that I’d be far less likely to accidentally give guns away. He has a point.

  43. Well, now I know what to do with all the bats that keep coming into my house and snuggling up to my coffee pot first thing in the morning or deciding to take a swim in my toilet in the middle of February, IN WISCONSIN, DURING A SNOWSTORM!!!. Only I will mummify them and then make clothes for them before sending them to you so that their tiny bat penis’ and tiny bat vagina’s (do bat have vagina’s being marsupials?), anyway, then they won’t frighten you and I will be sure to let you know who sent it. 😉 You do know that my husband and I love you very much and discuss your posts at night. So thanks for keeping my marriage alive as this blog is about the only thing we can discuss lately that does not lead to a huge fight. 😉 Hugs and if you ever want to come catch your own bat in Wisconsin the door is always open, to you, not more damn bats.

  44. Yesterday I was in a thread (admittedly not on this site) about how Lauren Conrad was the devil for creating decorations out of book spines and cutting them up. Apparently books are sacred and not to be tampered with.

    I am glad to see that you don’t subscribe to that. Because holy bat penis.

  45. In an earlier comment someone said name him Bat Masterson but duh it’s obvious. Bat Masterbateson.

  46. Hey, I got Mr. Sandwich that Awesome Dad book for Father’s Day! Or maybe Baguette got it for him. But I do her shopping, so I’ll take credit.

    It didn’t come from Amazon with a mummified bat penis, I can tell you that much.

  47. So awesome! What are the wires for? At first I thought that it was rigged so when you open the book to that page, the bat stood up.

  48. Excellent post, that was hysterical!

    I’m going to be sending you a red dress for the Project and also some soapy presents soon!

  49. Reason #741 I am a failure: No one ever sends me hollowed-out books containing dead mummified and also aroused bats. This one, I admit, I didn’t see coming. Thanks, Universe.

  50. I really, really need to know why there are wires or something coming out of the perch. Can you plug it in? Does it light up, or wiggle its little unit in time to music?

  51. Is this great marketing or stalking? I’m voting for the latter. If you have a home safe, put the address that the bat penis came from in it so that when you go missing we know where to find you.

    Of course I’m terrible at marketing. Maybe it’s because I’m not nearly stalker-ish enough. Excuse me, I’m going to go cut off my hair and mail it to you.

  52. Texts between my friend and I

    “I just finished reading the Jenny Lawson book, I feel sad now.”

    “Don’t even, just type “The Bloggess” into google and enter a whole new ( yet familiar) world. Start a more serious relationship with her. You know it’s time.”

    “She can be my new long-term boyfriend, I’d be so content”

    “You wouldn’t even need to tell her you have a sexually transmitted disease”

    fucking beautiful.

  53. It would be really amazing if you had wine glasses and cheese plates that say “Because Wine” to sell in your store. It’s the perfect phrase that I now use to save myself from potentially awkward situations. It would be brilliant marketing as everyone would want to know who the genius was to come up with such a clever slogan on entertaining items. Just a thought of course.

  54. Wow. I guess if someone was going to be sending mummified bats to anyone, you would be the perfect person to send it to! I think I would have lost my shit!

  55. First of all, mad props to the person who sent you a secret taxidermied bat. That is the epitome of “know your target market.” Secondly, all I can think about now is writing bat porn films. Can a bat refer to his penis as “swinging a bat?” What’s wrong with me?

  56. The women at the orthodontist office didn’t find it reassuring to hear snort about mummified penises in the waiting room. Some people are such downers.

  57. I have had the pleasure of growing up with Mike and he is hands down the most creative and brilliant people I have ever known!! His sense of humor is addictive and you will just love his book!! He’s really cute too which is just a little bonus!!

  58. So clearly at some point a blog hits this point of critical mass where people start sending you mummified penis bats in books, and from there on out, finding what to write about each day is easy.

    So far today I made a strawberry shake that turned out too thick and I got an email at work that was entirely in Spanish (which I don’t speak). I could work up a fair amount of commentary about both, but it’s no dead bat in a book.

  59. So, I have to say. I’ve been reading Mike’s stuff for ages and have read Bloggess a bit. Okay, I love his writing. (Doesn’t hurt that his daughter and mine are about the same age.) And you love Who and Nathan Fillion (and Simon Pegg and Whill Wheaton.) Of course you had to get together eventually!

    And if I found a dead bat in a book, I would scream and smash it and throw it away… like away away. So it couldn’t wake up to its true vampire form and eat me.

  60. I don’t know why you’re so confused by the erection. Why WOULDN’T a dead bat in your book be turned on?

  61. While finding a mummified bat in a book is THE COOLEST, we are all missing the bigger deal here…

    Someone sent you your own book! I’m pretty certain that means you’re being asked to review your own book. I would very much like to see that review! Your choice whether you review your batized book (pronounce that like baptized if you want to know how things sound in my brain) or the normal version, which is a bit less batty.

  62. Regarding that Dad’s Book of Awesome Projects, I read his blog for years. His blog is called Cry It Out. He is an excellent writer. I haven’t read it in some time because it’s mostly craft stuff now. Before it was about his life as a stay at home father to his daughter.

  63. He put a lot of thought into it too… I mean he could have sent a stuffed quail.. the erect penis was for shock value and he scored with it.. oooh in more ways than one! hahaha

  64. They just reviewed that Dad Craft book in the San Francisco Chronicle last week — they highlighted his Golden Gate Bridge made out of Popsicle sticks!

  65. Well, three cheers for that marketing scheme. It’s bat-tastic. Okay, that was really lame. Please forgive me. What if you didn’t have cats and you hadn’t stumbled on that bat hidey-hole for years? That would’ve been awkward.

    Heh, heh. Something else else to add to the response to “What’s up?” “Bat hard-ons and airplanes.”

  66. OMG! I really should know better than to eat while reading your blog. i nearly choked from laughing!

    Definite props to the guy knowing your quirks and how to market to you 🙂 It really was a thoughtful gift. 🙂

  67. Little known fact: That’s what Michael Keaton was picturing in his head when he filmed that scene in the Batman movie. Bonus: he had a legit boner from rubbing up on Kim Basinger all day

  68. Simply stunning.

    (are you sure it’s an ethically taxidermied bat? I mean, one might assume, if somebody sent it to YOU, but was there indication that such an act had taken place? I thought you weren’t even supposed to kill bats. Was that a geriatric bat who donated his body to science? Do bats even have wills for such occasions?)

  69. Cue the UPS convoy delivering hollowed out books filled with the taxidermied guests of Noah’s Ark.

  70. Brilliant. I can honestly say, I would have never thought of that. In fact, I don’t think I know anyone… or anyone who knows anyone who would have come up with that. Erect bat penis… added bonus. I think?

  71. When is the answer to any problem NOT a bat penis!? I defy you to find a situation that wouldn’t be improved with one well-placed bat erection. Christian Bale step over…if we’re talking microgram for microgram…that little fucker is HUNG.

  72. Since it took you a few days to realize that the book contained a secret compartment, is it possible that when it was mailed to you, the bat was initially ALIVE?

    And perhaps he was reading a particularly erotic portion of your book — hence the erection?

    Will need to consult scientists, veterinarians, and bat whisperers to verify. Will report back promptly.

  73. We found 2 dead bats in our pool the other day…we buried them but I guess we should have done crafts with them instead 😛

  74. Lesson learned. I just have to find a mummified vampire* to send you when my book is in print.

    *Will be less difficult than you would think.

  75. Thanks for making my Tuesday better! My coworker preserved a male bat in epoxy once and was also SHOCKED at the prominence… She thoroughly enjoyed reading this post as well!

  76. Marketer KNOW THY AUDIENCE!! That is absolutely the coolest and possibly most creepy gift I’ve ever seen. Your mailman brings you the best stuff unlike the bills and junk mail that I get…..

    Victor must learn to appreciate the quirkiness that is life with The Bloggess although I admit he does make a good “straight man” in the comedy of your life.

  77. I can’t believe he stole my idea!

    No, let’s be honest. Who comes up with that kind of awesome? Someone who totally deserved the free link to his book. Nicely done.

  78. I honestly can’t decide if that really is a penis or if it’s a tail. Hard to tell in the photo. What does it say about me that I’m scrutinizing this photo trying to decide whether or not it’s a penis?

  79. This is pure unalloyed genius! And your post made me laugh so much I read it twice and passed it on. Thank you Mike and Jenny!

  80. P.S. Even though I’m not a dad and don’t have children, I will be buying Mike’s book based solely on seeing this. THAT’S marketing for you!

  81. Funny, I did not see the “Corpse Smuggler Book Cut-out” listed as one of the family DIY projects on the Amazon site. Maybe you need to buy it to find that one. Probably worried about the book selling too fast if they put that on the site.

  82. The effort that person went through is admirable! That is pure dedication to impressing you!

  83. You may want to get a hazmat team to check out the rest of your “I’ m just confused pile”. Or you may have to put a disclaimer on your jacket: “Warning, book may contain random animal genitalia.”

  84. this guy mike is brilliant. he didn’t even need to send you a NOTE with this gift. genius. I can’t think of better marketing right now than a mummified bat with an erection nicely stuffed into a box in a book!

  85. That was an awesome present, and the fact that he even has a bat-boner just makes it even better! What the crap does a girl have to do around here to get someone to send her a squirrel? I got a pair of squirrel underpants for Christmas this last year, but I have no squirrel to put them on.
    *sigh*
    My chinchilla died a few days ago, but none of my local taxidermists “do” pets, so we had to bury him. I was hoping to be able to have him sitting up with one hand stretched out so that I could change his outfit and props to suit whatever season it was.

  86. Shit Jenny, call Security. Or at least have 24/7 protection. Isn’t Victor a little upset? Does anyone screen your mail. Swallowing xanax now.

  87. I am actually envious. If you were a musician in the 80’s or 90’s, this would be your moment when Weird Al finally rewrites one of your songs. My new scale of success tops out at “fan gift of dead flying rodent craft”.

  88. This guy was sooooooo obvi going to get endorsed by you. Had he sent that to me, my first instinct would have been to either a.) pee my pants b.) crap my pants. And then my next instinct would have been to turn it around and mail it straight to you. Because I’m a GIVER. And because WINE. And also because BAT PENIS. So…

  89. I discovered your blog quite by accident about 3 years ago. I showed it to my fiancé and together we have laughed & laughed. Thank you for bringing such joy to us. Sunday, Doug was involved in a fatal motorcycle accident. Your blog has helped me through this. Whenever I get overwhelmed making phone calls, arragements , or just feeling blue. I come here. Thanks for taking my mind off things for a few moments.

  90. Your cats are the unsung heroes here. Honestly, how long would that poor bat have been shut up in there before you had the urge to read a tattered, hand-me-down copy of your own brilliance? They deserve extra treats. Or they sould get the bat. Fair is fair.

  91. Your cats are the unsung heroes here. Honestly, how long would that poor bat have been shut up in there before you had the urge to read a tattered, hand-me-down copy of your own brilliance? They deserve extra treats. Or they should get the bat. Fair is fair.

  92. I am both very impressed with and very afraid of this dude.

    He’s either delightfully batty or a serial killer. It’s really a fine line between the two, isn’t it?

  93. I hope that bat doesn’t mysteriously come back to life all Pet Semetary style, and bite you in your sleep. Because that would be bad. And probably cause rabies. Since you already had Parvo… might as well add rabies to the list, I suppose.

    Maybe you should put something heavy on top of the book at night. Just in case. You know… so Hunter S. Thomcat doesn’t knock the book down and set the bat free or something. Just saying.

  94. awe they probably lost SO MANY book sales after your qualification at the end there. I have to assume a fair amount of your fans are just here for the taxidermy

  95. I so needed the laugh today, and yet again, you have delivered! Your readers are fantastic! And, oh, the irony or there being a bat penis along with your first sentence that is readable… <3

  96. I’m sitting in my doctor’s office laughing like a mad women. If they medicate me it’s all your fault.

  97. Damn all I ever get in the mail are bills…..sigh. I hope you give him an awesome name like Dick Van something

  98. What does the cord do? Does it make him dance or raise his wings and say (in a Dracula voice) “I Vant to suck your blood!” Awesome and a lot like your Dad’s squirrel trick…only creepier (but only a little)

  99. Whoever sent that knew your sense of humor well!! And the bat erection… totally noticeable! How could Victor not notice it?

  100. This will be filed simultaneously under “just when you don’t think people can get any weirder” and “TLC will probably offer them a reality show.” Honey Boo Boo watch out, there’s a new game in town.

  101. Important Bat Fact: they often hang out with erections. When alive, they are frequently licking said erections. I know this from personal observations during many trips to the local zoo. Their all-male exhibit of Madagascar Flying Foxes (huge fucking fruit bats with 6 foot wingspans and foot-long schlongs) is rife with such behaviors. Never a dull moment at the zoo.

    Sometimes I feel like Cliff Clavin.

  102. My worlds have now collided! I have been reading both of your blogs for the last few years and I highly encourage you to check him out. And Hailey may enjoy the crafts. Go through his archives to really get his writing talent. Love you both!

  103. I am absolutely crying my eyes out laughing so hard trying to read this post aloud to my husband. My husband, however, doesn’t find it as funny as me.

  104. Love the ingenuity of the bat provider AND you got to use “because wine”.

  105. Wow, too funny! And totally the ONLY time I’ve ever thought of anyone wondering if it was a boner in their book or if someone was happy to see them…

  106. You folks are way too young. But you are hilarious.
    Mike is the best dad ever for a granddaughter.

    Nelson Batafeller.

  107. AWESOME!!!
    The perfect example of targeting your marketing to your audience!
    (& very curious how you can taxidermy something so small… or is it actually a little twig…?)

  108. Honestly the best marketing lesson ever – and said far better than anything I sat through in collage. Well done Jenny and Dad craft guy, well done. Wine all around.

  109. Quite obviously a terrorist plot. What more devious weapon of terror, than mailing people crucified bats with erections? Don’t let the terrorists win, stay strong.

  110. This book reminds me of a book I had growing up! My dad and I would make projects out of it, for realsies! Except… we never made a secret compartment book with a mummified bat with an erection in it. So, actually now my childhood feels kind of incomplete. Hmm… I guess I’ll just have to fix that with my own children some day? “Hey kids! Want to play with stuffed Animals? No, THESE stuffed animals!” I’m going to be the BEST MOTHER EVER.

  111. OK, bat penises aside, just send ME any books that need reading. I’m highly educated, read non-stop, and can write a HELL of a review. And their yours! Just for the asking. Damn…bat penis…just…uh….

  112. I know I’m in the minority here, but I found this site through Mike’s site. I’m a fellow dad blogger & reviewed his book. I got a free copy of his book, but no dead animals with prominently protruding junk. Dammit. I love how excited you were to have received this clearly awesome & unexpected gift. I can’t wait to read more of your posts. And I have to admit, I’m tempted by any book with the sentence “I always have my vagina with me.” So I might have to give that a look, too.

  113. My Victor: Why are you staring so closely at the computer screen?

    Me: I’m trying to zoom in on a mummified bat in a book

    My Victor: …what?

    Me: I’m trying to see his tiny erection

    My Victor: And here I was worried about your eyesight when I should have been questioning your sanity.

  114. I normally read your blog on Google Reader and the pictures don’t appear so I have to go into quota time (it is classified as social and we get 1 hour a day at work) or wait until I get home. Generally I have to use up my quota as I can’t wait till I get home and I wasn’t going to today but I just HAD to see the bat in the book!! And I thought you did some strange things!!

  115. HOORAY FOR THE CATS!!!!! Besides Von Trapping, they now have a bona fide job!! Sorting through your
    “I’m confused pile”!!!!! Cats are just so talented!!! So who was the feline in charge?????? As for the Secret Compartment, that is the bomb!!! Love the Bat and his tiny, yet ever present penis!! Yes, I would so totally be fixated on the fact that a bat has a penis and it is visible!!! Who knew!! Phew now I can rest comfortably knowing bats have sex parts too!!! I wonder do they have sex upside down while hanging?? That would be an awesome sight to see!

  116. How do people keep getting your address?? Is it kind of like when you mail a letter to Santa Claus and you write “St. Nick – North Pole” and nothing else, and it magically gets there? But in your case, people just write “Bloggess – Texas” and the same thing happens?

    (Ha! Actually, my PO box is on my advertising tab. I only check it a few times a year, but when I do it’s always a surprise. ~ Jenny)

  117. That is awesome, I have to say and totally beats out an effort to send the makings of Irish Coffee.

    Which I have to say is a little unfair given that you openly encourage gifts of potent potables, yet it is illegal to ship such beverages to anything other than a home address where said potables can be signed for by an adult. Literally no one will do it, and sadly the guy I asked to stand at your PO box and wait for you to come pick up the package was asking ~way~ too much per day for what amounted to doing nothing.

  118. I am just cracking up at how close the guy came to NOT getting any marketing with this brilliant idea and well done craft project because he forgot to put a “OPEN ME” sticky on the cover…

  119. here i thought i was the only person to ever receive a mummified bat in the mail! mine was an xmas gift from my dad that was not at all expected. he found it (already dead and mummified) on his chimney and remembered how much i liked bats as a youngster and i guess in his head that meant “perfect xmas gift!”. i shouldn’t be too surprised, this is the man that gifted me the air conditioner he bought when i was 5 and a stack of free frisbees he got free off of craigslist as my wedding present. anyway, i meant to have the bat preserved and framed cos i am a little morbid like that, but it grew some maggots before i could and i had to throw the little guy out. i say little guy but there was definitely no boner to be seen. you have definitely trumped me there!

  120. I apologize in advance.

    I’m just gonna have to say it. You weren’t missing the forest because of the trees; it was because of the wood (ba da bump, ching).

  121. Your bat does not have an erection. It has a bone in its dick, a little tiny baculum.

  122. Oh, and when you taxidermy small mammals for museums, you actually pull the dick from the sheath so the baculum can be seen (it’s really hard to skeletonize properly and causes more damage trying to do it, leaving it attached but pulled out is far preferable) That’s why flasher squirrel’s dick and balls are so prominant…they still have bone and tissue inside them.

  123. Shit, I should learn to consolidate my thoughts. I’m sure you’ve seen big honking dog erections before. That is an erect dick with a baculum.

    And get this…female bats have a clitoral bone. A baubellum. Female dogs don’t.

    If you want to see a big boner, check out some pics of walrus dick. Biggest boner in the world.

    Animals with baculums don’t get erections from blood. The baculum, kept in the abdomen, slides into the penis and voila! This is how they can mate over and over again (like lions, 250 times in four days). Your wee bat’s wee boner looks like that because while it’s not in the penis (that’s the sheath you’re looking at), the tissues have dried and shrunk and made it press against the baculum.

    Sorry that your bat actually has limp dick, not a boner at the moment.

  124. well, now we can all scratch viewing a batty fatty off of our bucket lists.
    thanks for that, i guess.

    it really is the most clever advertising ever but you know it’s one of those things you can’t unsee.. and next time i take my kids to the zoo they’re going to wonder why mommy is eyeing the bats so cautiously. “don’t stand too close to the cage. you won’t believe their reach!”

  125. I felt compelled to reward the guy for a fantastic job of marketing. Know your audience? Nailed it.

    Bought the book, and have thoroughly enjoyed the read.

  126. I just took a closer look at the bat. That thing sticking up between his legs is the TAIL. His dick is on his belly.

  127. A friend read this over my shoulder and commented: Wow, that would freak me out
    Me: Why? Bats have to have sex _somehow_?
    Friend: No… no, that’s not what I meant.

  128. Okay, when I first saw the picture (the top one) of the bat, I honest-to-gods thought the bat was wearing a biker jacket and cap, making him look like the Nazi rat from some old Sid and Marty Kroft puppet show on Saturday mornings. With the closeup I see it’s the WINGS and he is in fact naker, but I still think he’s wearing a leather jacket when I look at the further-away shot.

    I will freely admit I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.

  129. You are going to get all kinds of weird shit in the mail now, lol!

    Especially from writers, we’re frickin’ crazy–but you already knew that . . .

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