I’m not made for personality tests

Victor: If you came to a four-way stop in the middle of nowhere and you could see for miles and could tell no one else was on the road, would you still come to a full stop at the stop sign?

me:  Is this a trick question?

Victor:  No.  It’s a personality test question.  Would you stop at a four-way stop sign if you could see that there were no cops or other cars around?

me:  No, because you just described the crossroads and that’s where satan likes to hang out.  I’m not gonna stop on Satan’s corner.

Victor:  That’s…not even one of the answers.

me:  Well, it should be.  A four-way stop in the middle of nowhere where you can see forever and there’s no one around?  That’s the crossroads, my friend, and that’s where you sell your soul to the devil.  You can recognize him by his golden fiddle.

Victor:  He lost his golden fiddle, Charlie Daniels.

me:  Oh, right.  Well then you can recognize him because of his lack of golden fiddle.

Victor:  Hmm.

me:  So what are the answers to the test?

Victor:  Well, if you’d said that you’d ignore the stop signs that would mean you were a free-spirit and make your own rules.  And if you said you’d stop no matter what that would mean you’re a perfectionist and  respect authority.  You, on the other hand, said you wouldn’t stop because Satan might be there.

me:  Exactly.  And if you paused he’d think that you were considering selling you soul and he’d get up and then you’d drive right by and he’d be all kinds of pissed because he probably just got comfortable.  The last thing I want is Satan getting mad at me for wasting his time.

Victor:  Got it.

me:  So what personality type is that?

Victor:  I don’t think it’s been classified yet.

me:  Well, it should be.  Personality least likely to accidentally piss off satan by following basic traffic rules.  Best personality ever.

234 thoughts on “I’m not made for personality tests

Read comments below or add one.

  1. THIS: “The last thing I want is Satan getting mad at me for wasting his time.” amen 🙂 i wouldnt stop either, however its also important to note here that i failed “stopping” during my driving test when i was 16, soo…

  2. According to Charlie Daniels, the devil is in the house of the rising sun. Is that near the crossroads? If not, you should be fine.

    Signed,

    Granny, who’s dog does not bite–no, child, no!

  3. I think that means you’re both free-spirited and respect authority, or Satan’s authority anyway.

  4. “Personality least likely to accidentally piss off satan by following basic traffic rules. Best personality ever.” Couldn’t agree more! 🙂

  5. I don’t think a personality test should use driving examples. Don’t want to get someone to start feeling road rage!

  6. As soon as you said crossroads I immediately thought right! Cause Mark Sheppard (Crowley from Supernatural) would just show up and expect you to sell your soul for 10 years of something awesome and then I might get tempted. Stopping because you don’t want to sell your soul is totally the correct answer.

  7. There really should be (at least) a third option. The world is not black & white and there are plenty of us who make our own rules not because we are free spirits but based on other things. Like the presence of Satan. Regardless of whether he has his fiddle. Honestly, only creepy beings hang out at deserted crossroads.

  8. There should be more than 2 choices. Are there only 2 personalities? What about those of us that jump out of our car and do an ‘NSYNC dance in the middle of the intersection ?

  9. It would depend on if i’m going straight or turning. If I’m turning I’ll probably roll right through it (because no one is coming) but if I’m supposed to go straight, I’d probably stop out of habit.

  10. I don’t think you can win in this situation. If Satan is there and you don’t stop, he’ll probably testify against you in traffic court.

    (That would be just like him. There should be a show called “That’s So Satan.” It’d be like “That’s So Raven” but with more damnation. ~ Jenny)

  11. I always felt stop signs were more “guidelines” than “rules” you know? So I would totally not stop in that circumstance.

  12. Hahahahahaha. Your logic makes sense. But isn’t that like the tree falling in the forest question. They’re all tricks.

  13. That’s efficiency dude.

    Why disturb Satan when you can chill in your car, and drive on forever, and if you can see for miles, you don’t even have to worry about any booby traps that Satan might set up for you later… it’s a win-win situation, if you ask me!

  14. There needs to be a bloggess emoticon that can do justice to how hard I laugh when I read your work. LOL, ROTFLOL, LMFAO, and 😀 are just not cutting it.

  15. I think the true meaning of being settled into a new neighborhood is knowing which stop signs are optional—like the ones in parking lots. Totally optional. More, a suggestion, really.

  16. Yeah no doy. Anyone who has seen an episode of The Twilight Zone, Children of the Corn, Thelma and Louise or Locked Up Abroad knows you never NEVER stop for ANYTHING when you’re in the middle of nowhere. Unless somebody’s selling tomatoes at a tomato stand. Because those things are damn tasty.

  17. You have to stop because of the traffic cop in the ghillie suit who is almost certainly lying in wait to trap you for running the sign.

    I think I fail too.

  18. Exactly @Ali M. I’d stop and hang out awhile to see if Sam would show up. Then I’d pretend to be a demon just to get a kiss from him. Just saying. I’d offer him pretty much anything. *sigh* I need Supernatural to be back like today.

  19. My Dad would always blow right through and then tell us he would “stop twice next time”. Now I know he just didn’t want to encounter Satan.

  20. What happens to some of us who would slow down but not really come to a full stop? I guess I am not made for those kind of tests either

  21. I’m from California. I’m pretty sure we don’t ever stop, even when we can, or can’t see the devil, or for miles in all directions.

  22. Do you watch Supernatural? Because if you don’t you TOTALLY should. It’s on Netflix streaming… 7 seasons to binge watch… *cough* I mean enjoy. Crossroads demons are right in their wheelhouse. Then you’ll know what to do if you come across one and you won’t fear basic traffic laws. Plus you’ll be entertained and any time I can drag someone else into the SPN Family is a good day for me. Winning every way you look at it 😀

  23. I think you only need to worry about the crossroads if you are driving on the Highway to Hell :-). Still, its good to be cautious, Jenny.

  24. It so IS a type. It’s called awesome kick-ass wizard type. Yeah.

    …That should be a type of Pokemon.

  25. i passed a cross roads exactly like the above mentioned somewhere in mississippi and did not stop for EXACTLY THAT REASON. i said this is the kind of place you make a deal with the devil. like that kate gosling person.

  26. I love how many people immediately went to Supernatural references. That has to be a personality type, right?! An awesome one in case you are asking, but still a category.

  27. Huh. my first thought was “well, is Madmartigan in a cage? Cuz I’d probably stop for that.”

  28. Between Canyon Lake and New Braunfels there is a road off of Purgatory road that my sister lives off of that has 2 4 way stops and considering the area they are pretty straight. While driving at night I used to turn off my lights a couple second before the intersection and if I saw no other lights I would just breeze right on through. No shit. Also, “Braunfels” is not a real word according to my computer and I find this total BS because I grew up right there and I know it’s real, I KNOW IT IS!

    (True story…the house we just moved from was a mile from that same Purgatory Road. The road that runs past it is supposed to be the most haunted in Texas. ~ Jenny)

  29. LOL also I just went back and read the comments before mine and I fraking love how the mention of crossroads brings out the Supernatural fans. Lurv you guys!!

    (Clearly we have a type. Although I’m embarrassed to say that I’ve only seen the first 7 episodes of Supernatural. It’s on my netflix list once things slow down. ~ Jenny)

  30. I’d totally pause…for a second. But absolutely no way would I come to a complete stop. I mean aren’t those big red octagonal shaped signs just there as a suggestion?

  31. I would stop… for sure. But I would make sure I have a philharmonic orchestra in the back seat… the devil can NOT beat that, even with all his demons!

  32. I suspect that the lore from Supernatural played into this post quite a bit. I’d stop…but only of Jared Padalecki was there.

    (I haven’t seen that episode yet. I actually learned about the crossroads from Hellhounds on My Trail: The Afterlife of Robert Johnson. Fairly good. ~ Jenny)

  33. Your thought was mine *exactly* but I attribute it to me watching Supernatural this summer

  34. There was a Rudyard Kipling short story about this premise. In the story the town had set up a speed trap to catch people who sped past signs that were covered by overgrowth. Since the town was in the middle of nowhere, contesting the ticket was out of the question. Fortunately, the passengers in the car were successful theater producers, so they decided their next production would be about “The Town that Thought the World Was Flat.”

    The production was a hit, and the town, much to the chagrin of the residents, became a tourist destination for people looking to gawk at the stupidest people in all of England.

    The theater producers, in a move very unlike what real theater producers would do, felt a bit guilty about ruining the town’s reputation over an arguably illegal speed trap.

  35. TOTALLY stopping to see if Dean is there. Well…slowing down for a long gander. Ah, who am I kidding? I’m a rule follower… I’d probably stop.

  36. I know I’m going to show my age here, but my first thought was “If Ralph Macchio was there, there’s no question – stop, get out, chat, make out, and tell Satan to give us some privacy.” The same would apply to @Jess’s first thought, but Madmartigan would need to take a bath first. He was pretty rank.

  37. I haven’t read the comments, so somebody may have already proposed this, but what if God put the four-way stop there and told Satan he could have anyone’s soul who didn’t make a complete stop?

  38. I would totally stop. But I have to make up for all the stop signs my husband accidentally runs because he doesn’t see them.

  39. I hadn’t thought of it before, but I think you’re spot-on. Thanks for enlightening me, because if I ever encounter this scenario in the future, I won’t get Satan mad at me for wasting his time. Whew!

  40. If you ever are at a crossroads, look for the person with red eyes. That’s who you avoid. Dead giveaway they’re a crossroads demon and looking to buy your soul. Satan delegates these things nowadays.

  41. I recognized Satan’s corner immediately! I agree…No stopping for this girl! You either end up in trouble or as you said pissing Satan off and none of that is good.

  42. See what would we do without you to point out the obvious satan connection to four way stopping!

    This is really a public service message!

  43. This? Is why I still read here after what eight years?

    ps. Why wasn’t the California roll one of the answers?

  44. That’s a terrible personality test because there isn’t just 2 answers, as you so eloquently proved. In addition to Satan might be there, I’m pretty sure there’s also the folks who would slow down, but not quite stop. Those that would stop, get out, and pick some of the wildflowers growing along side the road. Those that would be so confused at which direction to go that they would stop ten feet from the stop sign and frantically try to get a signal on their smart phone so they could figure out which way to go. And don’t forget those who would assume that a perfect 4-way stop in the middle of nowhere where you could see for miles is clearly a sign post for aliens, and they would proceed to get their towels and be ready to hitchhike to the nearest galaxy. Just sayin’ that Victor’s test is clearly flawed when it doesn’t include a complete set of possibilities.

  45. I would drive forward through the intersection for about 10 yards then do a u-turn, come back and turn right. Because I’m from Michigan and we do things different there. #Michganleft

  46. I would probably hesitate. If I didn’t at least hesitate then God might get mad and send a frog plague or something.

  47. I’m not sure where I fit on this either, because I didn’t get as far as making a decision — I kept thinking — we’re in the admitted middle of nowhwere and there is a four-way stop? What kind of twisted personality even invented a question like this? You know the tax payers are not going to spring for FOUR stop signs where there is no traffic. So either there are secrest times when there is actually traffic, OR some tricky agency has put up the signs for some other nefarious scheme…

    I didn’t get as far as actually naming it Satan; but…

  48. i would stop if i saw a devil’s trap because that would mean that sam and/or dean were lying in wait for the crossroads demon to appear. i would totally stop and wait for dean.

  49. Well, I am the slobbiest, most procrastinatingest, fairly laziest perfectionist who respects authority I know. In short, I pretty much suck at being a perfectionist, which doesn’t surprise me, but I would still stop at the crossroads. Of course, that might also explain why my nightmares are always the same. I’m performing an exorcism, fighting Satan and shouting, “The power of Christ compels you!”

  50. Hmmm… stop at the stop sign ? No. Train tracks? YEEESSSS!!!!!

    Does de debbil hang out around train tracks? Sure hope not.

  51. in my real life, I’m a psychologist. I’m pretty sure that personality test hasn’t been updated to match DSM-V, and therefore your described personality type is probably spot on. 🙂

  52. There definitely needs to be a third option, for those of us with anxiety who would cruise slowly through the intersection because we’re too scared of the devil to come to a full stop, but too scared of the po-lice to gas it.

  53. Glad to see I am not the only one who’s mind went straight to Supernatural. Those crossroad demons are tricky buggers.

  54. “Personality least likely to accidentally piss off satan by following basic traffic rules. Best personality ever.” BAHAHAHAHA!

    Please please please write your own personality test!

  55. I do believe this is the best description of my personality type anyone has ever come up with. The shortest phase for it that I can put together is: “Does things for mythological/fabled/faerie tale significance.”

  56. I’d want to know what the other personality types would be on the Bloggess Personality Test (BPT). Personality most likely to be haunted by the spirit of a taxidermied mouse in a Hamlet costume? (which still sounds fantastic)

  57. I always tell the L. Ron Hubbardians who offer a ‘free personality test’ “Oh, no thanks, I am sure I have a personality, I don’t need to test for it”.

  58. True story: When my mom was 18, she ran a stop sign at a 4-way stop that looked exactly like you described. To this day, she swears a truck came out of absolutely nowhere from the left and t-boned her. It was 1982, my mom’s truck didn’t have seatbelts, and my mom was thrown out of her truck and into a ditch. She broke her back–the other driver didn’t have a scratch on them. Now, at 49, my mom’s spine is basically collapsing on itself, because back then all they could do was fuse her crushed spine together.

    And that’s why I have never run a stop sign in my life, and will never run a stop sign, no matter HOW empty the intersection looks.

    On a lighter note, I will always lock my doors, because crossroad demons: Ain’t nobody got time for that!

  59. many, many years ago i waited on charlie daniels and his band in a cajun restaurant i worked at. they were super nice. he didn’t bring the golden fiddle. at least, he didn’t bring it to the table. which makes sense. it’s rude to put your instruments on the table at dinner. i assume. there may be an exception for golden instruments. i wouldn’t know because (a) who am i? miss manners? hell no, and (2) the last time i played a fiddle was in 5th grade (?), and it wasn’t golden by any means. either way, i always forgot to have my mom sign the permission slip to take it home for practice, so it’s not like i would have had the chance to take it to a restaurant *even if it was golden* because it never left school grounds. i did, though. leave school grounds. just…without the fiddle.

    so…yeah. they were cool.

  60. From a personality standpoint – and I speak professionally here – it seems a bit passive aggressive of Victor to ask you such a question in the first place. How long has he known you? Has he not been paying attention? I’ve been reading you for less than a year and I immediately knew you could not answer that question under those restrictions. Not that passive aggressive is in the DSM anymore…many of us still grieve its loss….

  61. Back in the 50s my grandfather’s car pool buddies called him Gobi Jim. Because he’d stop for a stop sign in the middle of a Gobi desert. When I was a kid I thought his friend called him Gumby which was much cooler (in my mind, anyway).

  62. I actually was in that situation…and my friend and I decided to run it…and as we did we saw headlights on the cross road…and it was a cop….and we got pulled over. doh!! But I got out of a ticket 🙂

  63. A lot of the comments refer to Supernatural, which I must admit I have never watched, but hasn’t anyone ever seen the Crossroads with Ralph Macchio! That is the first thing I thought of, after the Charlie Daniels song that is. It’s a cheesy 80s movies that plays on the legend of Robert Johnson selling his soul to the devil at the crossroads. It’s amazing!

  64. Just curious…what personality type is it that yells, “There’s a stop sign there, you moron!” when free spirits run through the crossroads?

  65. I would expect David Bowie to be there with puppets. Mark the direction you came from in lipstick, but then once you drive through, the intersection will spin around and you won’t be able to find your way back. Don’t stop, lady.

  66. If I had this conversation with Mr.Spouse?

    Him: “But Satan doesn’t exist..”
    Me: “That’s YOUR personality type. Satan totally exists in mine.”

    Then he’d run the stop sign to prove there was no Satan, we’d get a ticket, and I’d have an apocalyptic fit due to my unreasonable fear of criticism from authority figures, which I would totally blame on Satan. I win.

  67. So glad I wasn’t the only one who immediately thought of Supernatural when I saw the word crossroads. Yep, the crossroads demon would be there. I would stop just in case Dean or Sam did show up. I mean, you never know when one of them might feel the need to sell their soul (yet, again). On the other hand, I have nothing to bargain with since I’m a ginger and apparently have no soul and eat young children – or so my teenage daughter tells me. I remind her that the last part is not true or else she and her brother would not be here to comment on my hair. (No offense intended to anyone else who has red hair – or otherwise).

  68. I’m from Detroit.
    Deeeeeetroit.
    The D … as in DEVIL.
    You NEVER stop for a split second … ever!

  69. Well, if I was at a crossroads with no other people in sight I’d assume the GPS was yet again sorely mistaken, drop the F bomb a few times and turn around, because clearly nobody chooses to go to a deserted crossroads. In part because of Satan.

  70. I totally would have stopped because I’m a rule-follower, and then Satan would have had his shot at me. When I was a kid, I used to have dreams that Satan was in my closet, and he would tell me that one day he was going to get me and that I was going to be his. Used to scare the crap out of me. You have done a public service by letting me know that I should not stop at the crossroads. Thank you.

  71. If I came to a four-way stop, could see forever, and there was no one else in sight, I’d blast through the intersection with my horn blaring, just so everyone (Satan included) would know I did it on purpose.

  72. my daughter failed her first driver’s exam, because i taught her to drive.. in a practical way. if you slow down at the stop & there’s nothing coming, it’s ok to go, rather than wait on nothing. (she used to sit forever at a stop sign) so yea, rolling stops are frowned upon when taking the exam, and i forgot to tell her that. >.<

  73. Unfortunately, having watched too much Supernatural, I would probably stop at the crossroads and see if Crowley shows up…because I just love that character. Fortunately, for me, I do not drive–my wife does all the driving (moving vehicles sometimes set off my migraines), so she would probably speed on though.

  74. I think I need to develop and app for mobile phones called WWJD (What Would Jenny Do?). You all seem to have the best answers to all of life’s questions. You are like freakin’ Yoda or something.

  75. I fail personality tests on electronic job applications. You know the point at which they don’t let you keep going? That’s when they decide you’re a serial killler or a sociopath.

  76. Thing is, the actual crossroads (on the “old routes” of H49 and H61 in Clarksdale, Miss.) is nothing like that. It’s pretty much a tourist trap these days.

  77. I’m pretty sure this was actually a personality test for VICTOR. If he asks you the question and expects a “normal” answer from you, he’s delusional and might need help. If he asks you the question and you to answer is a Bloggess-y way, then he’s good.

  78. I would totally assume Sam and Dean would ask my family to join their team for a few episodes so we’d stop at the empty crossroads for weeks. Was that an answer? Or a personality disorder? Either way, bring sandwiches.

  79. Can I please say how much I love these exchanges between you and Victor? And I’m totally with Victor on this one. Coming up on a crossroads is nothing but bad news.

  80. I’d stop in the middle of the intersection. Because if no one’s there (except maybe Satan), I totally could. Not sure what that says about my personality type. But you’re right — yours is still the best personality ever.

  81. (Clearly we have a type. Although I’m embarrassed to say that I’ve only seen the first 7 episodes of Supernatural. It’s on my netflix list once things slow down. ~ Jenny)

    LOL yes, we are the best kind of fucked up tv obsessed Family. It’s ok that you are only 7 episodes in, we’ll be here, waiting… always waiting. *giggles* But srsly…. *slinks into the shadows sprinkling salt and tossing holy water*

  82. Well, there’s no way any man in his right (or wrong) mind can argue with that.

    Bravo!!

  83. I can’t tell about YOUR personality, but I can deduce that the Suit who invented the personality test has a number of control issues hidden behind a facade of dark gray pinstriping, tastefully accessorized with a carefully chosen tone-on-tone maroon (NOT wine-colored) tie, if a man, and if a woman, with gold button earrings and a single strand of pearls.

  84. Having seen “O Brother Where Art Thou,” I agree with you that a crossroads like that is very likely the place one would meet Satan. Or some messenger of evil, anyway.

    That said, I would likely stop just because the one time I just paused at such a crossroads I was t-boned by a oncoming Bronco I had failed to notice. Clearly Satan in charge.

  85. I’m still hung up on the fact there’s a four-way stop at an intersection where you can see for miles in every direction. Why isn’t that just a two-way stop then? Or everyone has a yield? If you can see if anyone’s coming, there’s really no need for everyone to stop. This is a symptom of too much government! And what happens if two cars were stopped at the intersection at the same time. Who would have the right-of-way? It’s always the car to the right, right? Left? Thank’s a lot – now I won’t be able to sleep tonight. SHIT!

  86. On the soapbox…

    Personality tests are simply God’s way of saying “you are so very effed up, and yet I still love you and all your brokenness.”

    …Off the soapbox…

  87. I’d stop, but not because I respect authority-it would be because some fucking hidden camera would get my plate number as I rolled on by and i’d get a fucking ticket in the mail and my fucking insurance would go up and…ok, nuff said.

  88. Satan doesn’t hang out at the crossroads, he has minions for that. Plus, you have to summon a crossroads demon. They’re not hanging out there waiting for people to show up – they’ve got stuff to do!

    Obviously, I’ve watched way too much Supernatural.

  89. I took a personality test once. It was inconclusive. So they made me do it again. Still inconclusive. They couldn’t sort it out so they gave up. I decided in the end that I must be that tiny sliver of personality in between the others on the pie chart of types. And now I want pie.

  90. As I was reading this, immediately after Victor said there was a four way stop in the middle of nowhere I thought to myself, “he’s describing The Crossroads. You don’t stop there.” And then I laughed hysterically to see you thought the EXACT SAME THING. Kindred, I tell you.

  91. I feel the same way, I would never stop too long at a crossroads, they draw all the ghosts and demons! Plus, people used to bury potatoes they rubbed on their warts at the crossroads to cure them and if you touch that, you apparently get cursed with their warts. Not good!

  92. It’s a four-way stop because in summer you can’t see over the corn in any direction…

  93. Ok, so upon reading the comments I was initially concerned because I have no idea who Sam and Dean are. Although I do know who Sam and Dave are. But what really bothered me was that no one was looking for Robert Johnson as the giveaway signal to blow right on through that Crossroads. Glad to see that Jenny, The Bloggess, did, in response to Corey (#50). I feel better now, I am not completely alone on my own cultural reference planet. 🙂

  94. What if Satan was holding a large taxidermied chicken and looked just like Neil Gaiman?

    (I suspect Satan would look that. He’s supposed to be super tricky and attractive. I would probably stop for Neil Gaiman holding anything taxidermied. ~ Jenny)

  95. I’d stop. Because I’m that lunatic who must obey all traffic rules all the time or DOOOM. Please note that I and anyone riding with me would be wearing our seat belts, also.

  96. Victor…she’s right. I lived in Clarksdale, MS and you do NOT stop at the crossroads. Besides, you can’t keep any personality once you’ve sold your soul. Duh.

  97. I would come to a complete stop because I’m the one who lives on one end of those crossroads who almost gets creamed several times a week by those who just roll through the damn stop signs. I’m also the one who calls the cops from time to time and demand it get patrolled. I’d hate to be caught by one of them. I did manage to get my hubby a ticket that way. Jerk. He hears about my close calls all the time, and he chooses to go run it??!?! He said no one was there, but obviously a cop was there. Screw Satan. Cops give you points on your license that ups your insurance.

  98. I have two immediate reactions to this one, apart from absolutely loving the post of course. The first is, how unhappy would you be if your personality could be summed up by something as inane as a question about stop signs, I think we all know that you are not that easily defined 🙂
    The second is that, for all of us who’s brains don’t work in this way, I think you should create a personality test. Now that I’ve written that down I really want it to come true. Puhlease!!!

  99. if I’m ever at the crossroads, I hope to shit that you’re there with me, ’cause otherwise…I’m probably fucked.
    So really…you wouldn’t even slow down to a crawl?

  100. Favorite Comment: I’d slow down and look for Sam & Dean. Good grief, girl you made me laugh in a week with very little reason to. Rock on (or blow through that stop sign, whatever suits)

  101. But do you know that the reason you have to wear underpants (I mean really, you should NEVER go commando) is because Satan might jump up your ass if you don’t? True story.

  102. Yup. I’m with the other ladies who would pull over and wait for Sam and Dean. And my husband would be confused. And then annoyed. And then he’d figure it out. And then probably leave me there.

  103. The question is, What Would Victor Do?
    Are you living with a closet Satan magnet?
    I’ve just scared the shit of you, haven’t I?
    You should do all the driving, just in case.

  104. I’d slow down. That way it would give the illusion that i was following the law, but quick enough to leave Satan in my dust. (He’d be too scared to take me anyway, I’d make his life worse than hell.) 🙂

  105. California Stop. Satan would think i’m from Berkeley by the nature of the bumper stickers and plethora of tie-dye flowing from the windows of our ’69 VW bus and he’d smile and wave, oblivious to the fact that IT WAS JUST AN ACT!

    I’m a master of disguise.

  106. Well, I heard that satan himself doesn’t really wait at crossroads anymore because we’ve all built the fuck out on the lands and there are crossroads everywhere. So now, he uses old heavy metal groupies instead. So if you ever stop at one, and some old crow in a Van Halen T and no pants on comes wandering out to your car, you’d better haul ass. Because part of the deal making is catching herpes… And that shit is forever.

    No bueno, Satan…

    Hugs!

    Valerie

  107. I don’t go anywhere without a trunk full of salt and holy water so I’m pretty much good to go. But just in case I’d do a Michigan stop and roll on by just so I don’t accidentally take out Crowley.

  108. See, I’d waaay want to mess with Satan.
    He’d be all like “Wait til you DIE and I’ll make your soul PAY for this!!!”, and then I’d die, and I’d TAKE OVER HELL, because I’m that sort of scary… and to be perfectly honest I think Satan’s doing a pretty poor job at the moment, because hey we can spot the evil ones a mile away, and really isn’t it time for him to shake things up a bit????
    I think I need a lie down. Or possibly to go and read more about spiders – my plans for world domination by way of evil 8-legged soldiers is slowly taking shape! Or perhaps chocolate. Yes chocolate. I think that will set me to rights.

  109. I’m with Princess Judy. I’d have to stop because there’s no way I’d elude the cops and I don’t want the tickets or the points. And since I’m stopping, I’m gonna hang out hoping to find Robert Johnson and hope to hear him play.

  110. The last time I stopped at a stop sign in a parking lot I got rear ended. Got whiplash, and my kids were scared because they didn’t understand what was going on. The woman in the car that hit me jumped out of her car and yelled several expletives at me for stopping. Her bumper got tangled up with mine. I called the cops and she got a whopping huge ticket. Haven’t stopped at one within the confines of a parking lot since. The ones on the streets? Some I stop at, some I roll through. I don’t fly through any of them, so I guess I’m in between personalities. Hmm…

  111. Hahaha!! Oh dear, personality tests always seem not to work for beautifully unique individuals…what about people who do what they feel like at the time given the circumstances? 🙂

  112. you aren’t alone. I usually think that if I stop in the dark I am going to be mauled by some crazy hook-weilding killer.

  113. This post (the comments really) convinces me that I need to watch Supernatural

  114. (Please don’t read my comment, I just wanted to get it off my chest, how much I love you) I squeal with glee whenever I see your post in my Feedly! Thanks for writing the stuff that you write. I love you.

  115. Not exactly a personality test, but it does say a lot: I completely flunked the math placement test in the second grade. Really, really bombed it. Enough to immediately be placed in the classroom where the class size was smaller and you got extra help and more individual attention. Whereupon I immediately began getting straight A’s on everything. When they checked my original test they found I answered, on every single question, the answer to the right of the correct answer. (Unless the correct one was the far right, in which case I went with the first option on the left.)

    The teacher in that smaller-sized classroom? Much, much nicer than my original teacher. I think my personality might best be categorized as willful and maybe a little sneaky.

  116. Not sure how I’d react to a 4-way stop (we don’t have them here).
    But ever since I was a kid and someone asked me the “cherry first or cherry last?” question, I’ve eaten the cherry half-way through dessert on principle.

  117. I would stop in the middle of the intersection and probably Instagram it, because I’m cool and/or lame like that. Then drive away quickly, just in case of the Satan thing.

  118. I did stop at a 4-way stop with no one around to see. That’s when I realized I had been thoroughly brain-washed into being an obedient rule follower.
    I used to think I was a rebel. Illusion shattered.

  119. My first thought was that I wouldn’t stop unless Sam & Dean were with me. But then I realized that if I was in a car in the middle of nowhere with Sam & Dean, we’d be pulled over. Coz, you know, it’s Sam & Dean. I’ve never been able to choose one over the other. So, I’d probably never get to the intersection. Bonus if Cass shows up!

  120. I had a coworker who liked to go around spouting off about taking one of these tests where you get a bunch of letters like INTJ or some such shit. Anyway he claimed to be one of the rare acronyms but offered no proof. One day I said you probably are the personality type ASSHOLE and then said “my bad….that’s not an acronym”.

  121. This is probably mainly because my husband and I have been mainlining Supernatural lately, but I pretty much thought exactly what you did. An empty crossroad in the middle of nowhere. There’s going to be a demon there wanting to make some sort of deal. Your personality is clearly WAY more awesome than anything that can be quantified in a lame personality test. I love your blog, and your book.

  122. I totally agree do not stop, but since I am an atheist and don’t believe in god does that mean I don’t believe in satin ? So…I guess I am good.

  123. I would probably cry… and then attempt to drive in reverse all the way back to where I came from. Was there a personality for that?

  124. Little hole-in-the-wall bars can be at the devil’s crossroads too. Especially if they have live blues. I watch Supernatural, so I can say with great authority.

  125. Haha! You’re too funny. I would totally stop but only because if I didn’t, I would keep saying to myself in my head, “You didn’t stop at that stop sign” and it would keep going on and on forever until I eventually went back to the stop sign and stopped at it. (I have literally done this before). So in order to save myself so time and gas, I would just stop.

  126. You pass the personality test because your answer proves that you have one. That’s the point of personality tests isn’t it?

  127. Satan doesn’t hang out at the crossroads, he sends his demons for that, so I think you’d be safe. Although I’d stop to see who is trying to sell their soul and also, of course to see if Sam and Dean are anywhere close.

  128. I agree. 100%. Absolutely. No stopping at this intersection…only bad things could happen! Also, it seems like that intersection would end up being in the middle of some huge, eerie cornfield, and you never know what might be hiding in the corn. (Satan.)

  129. Hilarious. Awesome. Just what I needed to brighten a dark day involving moving my mom to a nursing home. Thank you!!!!
    Stacy

  130. I’m not particularly given to rules-following, but I had the World’s Scariest Driver’s Ed teacher and when I pulled a rolling stop he scared me so badly that even now, 40+ years later, I still make sure I never, ever do a rolling stop. And I have actually stopped at 4-way intersections in the middle of the night when there was not a soul around, because with my luck Satan would be hanging with a traffic cop and I’d get a ticket, and these days tickets are expensive (except in Texas, where you can pay a lawyer $40 to get you off; if only the other states were as helpful!).

    What kind of personality does that make me? Other than cheap?

  131. Not stopping at the crossroads because that’s Satan’s hangout was exactly my first thought too! And there’s no way I’d seal a deal with Satan on a deserted crossroads with a kiss. (Thank you “Supernatural”.)

  132. I’m ashamed that I probably would have stopped. And the devil would have got me.

    OR I would have stopped in my imagination while actually just barreling through. After which I would have realized that I JUST RAN A STOP SIGN (and, not only that, a FOUR-WAY STOP) and would have imagined a fiery crash, horrible pain and guilt, me, a survivor. At that point, again…the devil.

  133. What kind of bolluxed personality test doesn’t include a “No, because you just described the crossroads and that’s where satan likes to hang out. I’m not gonna stop on Satan’s corner.” option????

    #purecrapscience

  134. And Victor was surprised? I think you would definitely be a Satan-free-spirit.

    I think I wanted to turn left at the intersection. What does that say about me?

  135. Wait…why is that a weird response? If you had said YES, I would definitely stop for no reason whatsoever…perhaps watch some tumbleweeds for a moment before continuing…wouldn’t *that* make you a little nutty? Honestly.

  136. Personality tests don’t have enough answers that have to do with ghosts, for me.

    If my husband had a nickel for every time I’ve answered a question with “but it might have been a ghost” he might not mind my insistence that we only buy clear shower curtains.

  137. Your hubby and mine must have read the same stupid personality test, because I swear to GOD that I was asked that exact same question like two-weeks-ago by Mr. Mia! I didn’t have the same answer as you; however, he did look at me like I was bat-shit crazy when I gave him my response. I honestly can’t remember what I said, but I know I started demanding details such as the weather conditions and the precise GPS location of the highway/interstate that the question was referring to. I needed more details. It was a stupid question!

  138. I’m so excited for you. I spent the summer with my Netflix and now I’m completely hooked. Like its not even normal. You are going to love this show. It gets better every season!!

  139. “Personality least likely to accidentally piss off satan by following basic traffic rules.”

    Shouldn’t that be “Personality least likely to accidentally piss off satan by IGNORING basic traffic rules. “?

    Because I’m pretty sure Satan would be OK with people ignoring basic traffic rules. Probably give you a thumbs-up, too, as you blew past the stop sign. BLOW PAST THEM ALL he would say.

  140. Your dedication to not pissing Satan off is admirable.

    I also, don’t want to piss Satan off, which is why I will eat an entire box of Snackwell’s cookies in one sitting.

    Those are the devil’s handiwork, right?

  141. Sorry this doesn’t really have anything to do with the post, but I don’t tweet (not that this would fit in a tweet), I’m too technologically challenged to try to find your e-mail and I’m not creative enough to find other ways to say: “Thank you.”

    I did something on Friday that won’t sound very brave but felt very brave: I scheduled my very first appointment to see a therapist. I’ve had this thing where I’ve ground my molars flat (and uncomfortably sensitive), where I scratch my hair out (literally) and… you know, don’t cope with stress very well. In addition to long bouts of having an almost uncontrollable urge to cry for no good reason, losing my appetite to the point where I eat just one meal a day for days at a time because I can’t for the life of me eat any more and… you would know, it sort of points at depression.

    I take pride in being a fairly reasonable person and understanding that depression, much like a hormonal imbalance, or an allergy, is just a bunch of chemicals going off wrong in my body and it can be treated with medicine. Yet I kept putting it off and telling myself I always get out of it, eventually, on my own. I think it was equal parts pride and not wanting to admit something was wrong with me.

    At any rate, as painful as it was to fill out the questionnaire that asks “Just how fucked up are you?” and realizing “Shit. Pretty fucked up.” I did it, and my first appointment will be on Tuesday. I won’t miss it. I owe that to myself. And to you, because I just told you and now I’d feel bad if I broke my word (I’m a woman of my word). I just wanted to say thank you because I’ve been following your blog for a couple of years now and it’s somehow helped drill in the idea that it’s okay to have chemicals going off the wrong way in your body and making you miserable, what’s not okay is to believe the lies that come from it and to brave life without treatment. So… Thank you, Jenny. Thank you so very much.

    PS: It’s probably somewhere between “brave,” “stupid” and “attention whore-ish” but this is also my first time leaving a link to my blog behind, even though it’s not the first time I comment on your blog. It’s all in one my diary, dream log, random thoughts collector, replacement for a proper therapist and the friend I can tell everything to (even the things I wouldn’t tell my friends). It’s my way of saying “Me too” and hoping someone says it back. It takes talking about the crazy that’s in your head to realize you’re not completely alone in it, is what I’m trying to say. So maybe it will help someone else out there.

  142. I’m with ya Jenny, I wouldn’t want to stop and piss off Satan or even come in contact with him in the first place. I think you have the right answer.

  143. omg…I’m the suspicious one that would slow down to peer every which way and totally piss off Satan. Fabulous. Part perfectionist, part free-spirit? Perhaps he would approve my deuces in the dust?

  144. I would have to stop, or I would have to turn around and do it all over again in order to go thru the intersection CORRECTLY. Otherwise I’d fret about it all day and possibly the next day, and on idle days when I’m not thinking about much, the running of the stopsign would come out of nowhere and haunt me. Thank you, OCD…

  145. I totally understand that line of thinking and kinda hate the other two legitimate options. Not trying to speed any opportunities for Satan to come after me.

  146. The personality test didn’t ask why you would/wouldn’t stop. Just what you would do so based on your answer (keep going) you are a free spirit with irrational fears of seeing the devil. You must be on some delicious and fun drugs.

  147. In college my friend found this story that was supposed to be a litmus test for if you had the mind frame of a serial killer. I dont remember all the details, but it set up a scenario about a woman at a funeral who met a guy and then killed her sister. If you could figure out why it meant you were crazy… and of course the one person who got it on the first try was the sweetest girl in the group. The catch was she was also the ditziest. Not sure if that means airheads and serial killers think alike… or if I need to sleep with a knife under my pillow the next time we share a hotel room!

  148. While stopped at a dark, deserted, crossroads (apparently I am a perfectionist that respects authority) all of the side impact airbags in my truck deployed. Spontaneously. I thought I’d been shot. Or that the car exploded. The car dealership told us that was not possible and hung up on us when we called. I never considered the devil, but I guess it makes sense. He’s probably really irritated by goody two shoes types that follow rules just to follow them. You’d think he’d have some respect for the OCD aspect of following rules so that “bad things” don’t happen. Sheesh.

  149. As soon as I read Victor’s question, my answer was “No, because that is the crossroads where you are asked to make a deal with the devil.” Then I read on and was all “See, I was right. No deal. Not today, devil. Not today.”

  150. hey! come ooon, did this really happen…or are you making it up?
    Anyway, I would just stop although I would start wondering if the signal would ever go green…what if it does’nt?

  151. Obviously your answer places you squarely in the Free Spirit with Extenuating Satan Issues category. And before you ask, yes, I’m quite sure that is an official diagnosis in the DSM-5. I wouldn’t just make something like that up.

  152. I know I’m late, but I just found y our blog.

    I would stop because, if I am going to maintain my contempt for people who selfishly disregard traffic regulations, I have to follow them myself.

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