I suspect Australia is starting to doubt extending the invitation.

I’m home!  Except that my head is still in Australia with my sleep cycles, and my sense of humor is teetering between “punch drunk” and “extremely questionable”.

But I have pictures!  Vacation pictures.  Ah, pictures of other people’s vacation.  Probably the most boring thing in the history.  But in my defense, there are photos of me dressed as a koala and a serious lack of kangaroo vaginas.

Things I accomplished in Australia:

And in case you didn’t get enough random pictures of kangaroos, here’s more.  Plus some fucked up pictures of a closed, possibly haunted carnival.  You are welcome. world.

**********

And in other news, it’s Sunday, which means its time for the weekly wrap-up:

What you missed in my shop (Named “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

This week’s wrap-up brought to you by the #FallWellness Twitter Chat happening Monday, November 18, from 7 – 9 pm EST.  @hylandshealth, @cleanwell and @21drops come together to talk about staying healthy during the cold weather season.  Save a spot and get more info here.

121 thoughts on “I suspect Australia is starting to doubt extending the invitation.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I would be so pissed if the air lines didn’t let me bring my camel on board. Knowing me I probably would have tried to buy it a seat and then when that didn’t work I would have put a hat and a blazer on it and tried to pass it off as my cousin Carl. Which most likely would not work either. I mean I don’t even have a cousin Carl.

  2. So sorry that you didn’t get to hold a koala. When I was there in 1996, I held one at a zoo, but they made you hold a stuffed animal underneath the koala so its claws didn’t scratch your arms. Loved your pics!

  3. I’m very disappointed to hear that all the toilets in Australia are low-flow now. Because I’ve eaten Australian food, and low-flow toilets would have been a bad idea when I was there.

  4. I wouldn’t have thought that camels liked to cuddle… I’ve seen videos of them awkwardly running though and that kind of makes me want to cuddle them. So now it all makes sense.

  5. I see Australians also have trouble with possessive apostrophes (“Sheila’s” on the disappointing toilet… Sheila’s what? WHAT?)…

    That said, I totally envy you this trip. It looks like it was beyond awesome with awesome sauce. And GREAT pictures!!!

  6. Honestly, the first thing I will ever do if/when I go to Australia is see if the toilets flush opposite and use the expression, “I gotta see a man about a wallaby” without any sense of irony. Thank you for sharing!

  7. Ahhh! Those pictures were the best ever. … except for the carnival photos. I know you warned about the creepy factor, but still. I’m going to have nightmares!

  8. Your photos are amazing! I am so proud of you for actually going on this trip. I know it was not easy for you. You are an inspiration to so many people.

  9. Welcome back, Jenny! I’m sure that Australia is even more awesome for you having been there! Loving your Pinterest pins today!! 🙂

  10. Sorry you didn’t get to hold a koala, but your tour guides should have known that the only place you can still hold them is in Queensland, Dreamworld theme park and Steve Irwin’s Australia Zoo will let you.
    The jetlag lasts about 3 weeks.. yeah I know it sucks but try to enjoy the late night silence for your writing 🙂
    I hope you got to try some yummy aussie foods and had a go at vegemite!

  11. Maybe you could have a camel visit you for your next anniversary. Just a thought. 🙂 congrats to Australia for surviving you… Or vice viscera

  12. So glad to have you back!! Wondering how you did on the plane trips?

    All of the pics are so great—-you looked so CUTE in your costumes!! I want to go to Australia!!!!!

  13. Hey, I have a TARDIS phone case too!!! And I love your Priscilla outfit! There needs to be more Priscilla in this world, IMHO.

  14. Amazing pictures! Love the possibly haunted carnival… it definitely looks creepy enough to be haunted. And you have an awesome kangaroo jump! 🙂

  15. How come Sheila has her own bathroom (Sheila’s) but Blokes do not. I demand equality in all things bathroom.

  16. I’m a little concerned/curious about the simultaneously vomiting actors. Was it part of the play? Or did one of them just happen to get sick and set off a chain reaction? Are you sure they were Shakespearean actors and not drunken musicians?

  17. This is probably the only way I’ll ever get to see vacation pictures of Australia. Thank you for allowing us to live vicariously through you. Glad you had the opportunity to go, and you actually had the courage to make the trip. Welcome home!

  18. Welcome home! Too bad you didn’t get to hold a koala. Maybe somebody’ll mail you a stuffed one that turns into a real koala when you nuzzle noses with it like that 80’s TV show. The Noozles? I forget. I loved that show.

  19. Yay!

    Yeah, hugging Koalas and getting Chlamydia would be difficult to explain to Victor. “Uh, yeah, I gave you chlamydia, but it’s because I hugged a Koala” I don’t know how well that would go over.

    But it would be hilarious to tell people.

    I’m going to shut up now.

    YAY YOU’RE BACK!

  20. Sorry to hear you didn’t get to hold a koala. Someone lied to you. My boss just got back from a 3-week vacation and has pictures to prove it!

  21. I first want to say that I know how much out of your comfort zone you had to go to take this trip. I am in awe of your courage. Yay you!! Second, I was in Australia 13 years ago and we were at an animal reserve where visitors were in fact hold koalas. So either it has not been illegal for forty years or these people were holding koalas illegally. I did not try to hold one after I saw the people who were holding them get peed on. I didn’t want to hold one that bad.

  22. You didn’t even bother to jump the ditch and look at our kiwi poturdo by Peter Jackson.

    So we will not be talking to you.

    P.S. We got to hold a koala when we were in Oz.

    So nanner nanner nanner.

  23. Are you sure that’s a koala outfit? Because it kinda looks like the mouse king on the cover of your book. Or whatever it is. You might want to just check and make sure you weren’t ripped off.

  24. Did you Wheaton Go Mighty’s website? It won’t load. I’ve been teased with the promise of Koala pictures and interesting headlines.

  25. There is an unidentified spill on the rug by my kitchen door, and now that I see those puking cat gravy boats, I am certain it’s either gravy or dog vomit. We haven’t had gravy recently.

  26. In the first pic of you in the kangaroo suit, I didn’t see the tail and couldn’t figure out why you would go to Australia dressed like Winnie the Pooh. Even for you, that would be a stretch.

    Glad you had fun and didn’t die.

  27. I too, like to not die while on vacation, Jenny.
    Well done and welcome back!

    By the way, have you seen the Doctor Who 50th anniversary mini-episodes? As River says, “Spoilers!”
    They’re mind-blowing, so put plastic down while watching or Victor will be pissed….

  28. For those of us who have anxiety disorders, I feel like that tends to be our criteria for success in various situations. Did I die? No. Then, SUCCESS! 🙂

  29. Love the photo of you working the stripper pole in the kangaroo costume! Congrats for being brave. I’m glad it was totally worth it for you <3

  30. What’s up with the apostrophe in “Sheila’s”? If they mean the possessive, why doesn’t “Blokes” have one?”

    (I apologize for this being my take-a-way from your post.)

  31. Your adventures in Australia made me furiously happy last week.
    I am grateful you didn’t die.

    More importantly, I am grateful you lived to share the Puking Kitty Gravy Boat so that it shall grace my table soon. Also, dibs on the fox holding the duck.

  32. That entering through the busted teeth thing really would freak me out. I usually love carnival things…rides, creepy carnies, cotton candy…but that one might be more than I can handle. And WHY did I click the “horrible taxidermy” link? WHY?

    Welcome home to the Land Up Over. Or something like that 🙂

  33. I can’t believe you were in Robertson and saw the giant poop! I live just over the mountain… ok, about an hour away, but I could have totally come up and had some cheese at the cheese factory with you and talked about why the poop is there (no idea, but it’s worth a conversation, don’t you think?).
    Glad you had a good time here. We miss you already.

  34. That gravy/saucy boat… I almost HAVE to have one so that when I make gravy I can hold it over my (or better yet my wife’s) mashed potatoes, and then shake it slowly to and fro, with a sotto voce “wwwwoook, wwwoook, woooook, hork, hork, horkhorkhorkGAKK” (POUR!)

  35. 1. Missed you
    2. Is that fox using the duck as a handbag?
    3. What the hell is the creature just before the duck wielding fox?
    Kisses, p

  36. Ha Ha, I’ve seen that Shakespeare play. I was in the front row, it was AWESOME! Thanks for coming to our little backward country, next time you should come to North Queensland, we will let you pretty much hold anything you like. As long as you are willing to pay!

  37. So this is weird, because:

    (1) I am an Australian;
    (2) When I was a kid my mother had a teapot invite shape of a camel; and
    (3) She used to make tea in it the pour it into our cups making vomiting and wrenching noise. Which my siblings and is thought was TOTALLY NORMAL.

    So I’m seeing a lot of weird semi-parallels in today’s post…

  38. I don’t know why, but people from Australia like people from Texas. Go figure!! I think it is the way we tawk or somethin’! I like the way THEY talk…..kinda like pirates and stuff! RRRRR…..gooday matie………Whatever! Loved the pics. Can’t wait to go there myself someday. T:)

  39. One of my oldest friends (known him since 3rd grade, which was a LOOONG time ago) who has quirks to rival yours posted this link to taxidermy on his FB today. Made me think of you. http://imgur.com/a/fhuPr

    In other news, my big metal chicken survived the tornado-esque winds here in central IL yesterday (we were spared the actual tornados). The chicken head bobbing in the wind (it is mounted on a giant spring) was marvelous but my darling hub insisted I seek cover rather than record it for posterity. killjoy. He fails to appreciate the sisterhood of KKMF big metal chicken…

    Be well and welcome home!

  40. Is there anything scarier than an abandoned amusement park. It is as if once the amusement leaves it is so traumatic to the area only irrational fear and terror can remain.

    Or maybe it is just me. That is always a possibility.

  41. Welcome back, world traveller! Thanks for sharing your awesome adventure!

    I am so proud of you for facing your fears and having an amazing time!! I must go see this creepy closed carnival!!

  42. I can’t believe they wouldn’t let you bring a camel on a plane. I bet if it was that famous camel from the TV commercials, they would have just let him waltz right on board. Celebrities get to do whatever they want.

  43. This is the first thing that has ever made me want to go to Australia! I am very afraid of all of the deadly things there, but you make it look awesome.

  44. Your vacation pictures are DEFINITELY more interesting than most people’s. Like the guy who sat next to me on what I swear was the longest.flight.ever from Chicago to NY. I had almost missed the plane, so I had to literally sprint through the entire O’Hare airport (down all the halls, through the tunnel, and down more halls), and had (I swear) sucked in a bug on the way. So I was literally coughing and clearing my throat for the whole flight.

    Nevertheless–as soon as I sat down, this TOTAL STRANGER in the window seat somehow managed to pull out a whole envelope full of pictures from HIS vacation (did I ask to see these? no)…of him hiking, him with his girlfriend, him hiking with his girlfriend, his girlfriend hiking, some people’s butts hiking ahead of them, view of the hike, etc etc. All this while I’m choking but politely nodding and trying to make expressions that look like “ah, that looks nice.” I’m naturally a total introvert on planes, so I usually hold up a book titled “Don’t talk to me, I’m READING”, in hopes that no one will strike up a conversation, but it was very important for this guy to be a living slide show for the whole entire flight. I still sort of hate him.

    All that to say, if he’d had pictures as fun as yours, I might have stopped choking sooner and we’d probably also still be in touch. Because anyone who can find grownup sized koala and kanga costumes, is MY kind of people. 🙂

    Welcome home!

  45. Great pics, great stories as usual, but as an Australian, and a Sydneysider at that I have to clarify something for you.
    Luna Park is not abandoned, it just usually only operates on weekends and school holidays.
    So far as haunted, well check out the link below, if you believe in ghosts, then quite possibly it is haunted after the Ghost Train Disaster of 1979!

    http://scratchingsydneyssurface.wordpress.com/2010/04/30/30-april-2010-luna-park-just-for-fun/

    Oh, and the reason the koala suit didn’t go down to well: they used to be worn by Wilderness Society charity collectors, who used to be a bit militant trying to raise funds with their in your face tin rattling!

    Keep up the good work Jenny, and maybe next time try to see the real Australia; get an Aussie to show you around, rather than getting caught up in that touristy crap.

  46. I think what I like most about your Australia photos is that YOU ARE SMILING in virtually every. single. one. Mazeltov. You did it, gurl!

  47. ARRGH! I live a very short drive from the Big Poo! Had I but known, I would have taken you to the Robertson Pie Shop for a pie!

    (We TOTALLY stopped there and ate pie. It was quite good. ~ Jenny)

  48. Agree with Harbormom. You look like you had a ball. Come back again and maybe do some whale watching as well. You just missed the start of the annual humpback migration by weeks. They are starting to come right into Sydney Harbour these days – we had a mother and calf frolicking here last year.

    There is even a white whale among them but he is much more nice tempered than Moby Dick. We call him Migaloo and he’s a bit of a performer – see: http://migaloo.com.au/

    I hope you enjoyed Australia as much as we enjoyed having you here.

  49. I’ve always wanted to hug a koala, so I can imagine how disappointed you were. But it looks like you had a great time!

  50. I read that as ‘Vatican pictures’ and I couldn’t imagine how you managed to sneak past the Pope’s Swiss Guard. Also, Australia does not equal Vatican. I blame the embarrassment that is our (Toronto) mayor with my brain farts.

  51. You seriously have to explain why there were actors vomiting on stage. You’ve mentioned it several times now and I’m just dying to hear the full story!

  52. I’m probably the most jealous person in the world right now. I’ve always wanted to dance with the magnificent platypi.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

  53. You know… not many people can say they’ve photobombed a koala… or that they’ve seen a kangaroo boner in person… or that they’ve CAUSED a kangaroo boner.

    I think all of this means that you can count this as a successful trip.

  54. Every time I see a picture of you I swear we’ve met. Not like formally, but maybe in a line at a store or something, chatting once. Do you ever visit Midland or Odessa? Because if so , I may not be having weird facial hallucinating memories. I may have actually spoken real words to you at some point. Probably boring grocery store line words, but still. Stranger things have happened. I asked a man at HEB if he could reach something on a high shelf for me then realized it was Tommy Lee Jones. And once I helped Jimmy Jay Bullock in Albertsons when he couldn’t find aluminum foil.

  55. Jessica Mollie, the play is The Comedy of Errors. This particular production has a wall of doors as their set design. So the actors are coming in and out of the doors trying to find or run away from each other, when suddenly they are all in a night club (established by music and flashing lights) they all proceed to get drunk, coming in and out of the doors. Then simultaneously they all come out, one from each door and vomit on the front of the stage. And then their drunken debauchery is done. For the record I think it was corn relish.

  56. You are so effing fabulous. Go you for getting on that plane and going to Australia and doing all that awesome shit in the name of adventure! 😀 *internet high five*

  57. Disappointed with toilets!? NOOOO!!! Please tell me they spin the opposite direction…please…don’t take this AND Santa away from me!

  58. I’m so happy you didn’t die. And that you accomplished your other goals. Australia looks amazing, I would need a helluva lot of Klonopin to make that flight.

  59. I WISH MY HOUSE WAS THERE TOO! I’d stare at your vacay pictures for hours, because you put in effort and mix it up. It’s not just your standard “Me in front of a building” “Me in front of a statue” “Me in front of another building, with a statue”.

  60. What does it say about me that the most disturbing thing about your Australia pictures was that I’m pretty sure that the loo doesn’t belong to a lady named Sheila. Damn apostrophes.

  61. You guys! Stop talking about Australia and start blaming Jenny for stuff! I for one am really annoyed that you distracted me long enough that I took a bad step and broke my foot. Seriously, man, not cool, and it’s messed up my life big time because now I have to ask for help and I hate doing that. On the other hand, I’ve started to figure out most people are pretty nice and help me without having much of a problem about it, and it’s making me think maybe I am worthy of help in other ways. So I guess I should thank you. DANG it, I just blew my Bloggess Blame!

  62. I feel like someone should have told you well in advance about this 40 year ban on holding koalas. I mean, you planned for that shit under the assumption that it could happen. Shenanigans.

  63. I just wanted to say that I admire your courage to take an international trip with the anxiety disorder that you have. You don’t let it rule you and that is quite an achievement. Also, glad that your international trip was to Australia, probably the best country ever in terms of being a tourist there, and I admire you for wearing the costumes–they make great photos (although must have taken an inordinate amount of space in your luggage!) If you haven’t read it already, take a peek at Bill Bryson’s In A Sunburned Country. It is quite interesting and then you can say–at least I didn’t do as many stupid things as he did.
    Sally

  64. I find international travel tedious and difficult. During the flight, I am thrilled if I’ve not vomited in public. Through practice and prescription meds, I had my phobia-management system up and running and I can get through a trip with minimal meltdowns. So now it appears that my foreign trips must also include several costume changes to keep up with you. You are setting the bar too high, Miss Jenny. Way too high.

  65. OMG you were right near where I live!! why did I not know this? I live right near Kiama. I hope you enjoyed your trip. If you were disappointed in the toilets you should have gone to Tasmania, The Mona (modern art gallery in Hobart) has some very interesting ones.

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