Victor: So, apparently a store accidentally labeled The Bible as fiction. People are pissed.
me: Huh. Jesus probably did it on purpose so that non-Christians would find it in the romance section. That guys was always switching stuff. Water to wine. And…um…?
Victor: Water into a plank?
me: A plank?
Victor: Well, what do you think he was standing on when he walked on water?
me: Wow. There were a lot of water-focused miracles in Jesus land. He was like the water-based Wonder Twin. “FORM OF WINE!”
Victor: “FORM OF A PLANK!”
me: I don’t actually think Jesus walked a plank. I think you’re confusing Jesus with pirates again.
Victor: And then there was that one time he made hungry fisherman catch too many fish.
me: Right. Still water-based. But more like AquaMan. Basically he made them catch so many fish that their nets were totally destroyed. Worst. Miracle. Ever.
Victor: I don’t think you’re supposed to judge miracles.
me: You think those people didn’t judge that miracle? “Oh, Jesus. We don’t have any fish. Oh, and now we also don’t have a net. Awesome. Thanks Jesus.”
Victor: I think we need to stop having this conversation.
me: Because we might get plagued with a plumbing-based “miracle”?
Victor: Or possibly get hit by a plank.
me: That doesn’t really seem like something Jesus would do. Then again, after fucking up those fisherman’s nets it’s hard to tell.
Victor: He’s an enigma, that one.