I’m not sure if that says more about me or about Jesus

So I was just on pintrest and one of my friends pinned this shirt and I thought, “Hang on.  Why does Jesus have penises for arms?”

reps for jesus
via ActiveApparel

And then Victor was like, “Those aren’t penises.  Those are dumbbells.  Why would you ever think those look like penises?” but I stand by my original assessment because maybe Jesus had a dodgey circumcision, and I think we should all accept and celebrate that possibility because I’m pretty sure Jesus was all about acceptance and love and stuff and He probably wouldn’t be judging your genitals, so maybe treat your neighbor(s genitals) like you would like them to treat you(rs).  That’s from the Bible.

Sort of.

It’s paraphrased.

Then Victor just shook his head and walked off and then I wondered why I never paid to put any doors in my office because I can’t even wonder aloud about all of Jesus’s penises without being called out for being really bad at recognizing exercise equipment.  And now I feel fat.  And confused.  And possibly accidentally sacrilegious.

PS I blame all of this on the tank top.  I don’t even like tank tops.  They always show your bra strap and I have bad upper arms.  Probably because I don’t use exercise equipment.  No one wins here.

265 thoughts on “I’m not sure if that says more about me or about Jesus

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I thought they were penises too before Victor explained. I was very, very confused.

  2. Before reading anything I thought “Why does Jesus have penis arms?” No word of a lie.

  3. I definitely saw penises. I also was having trouble deciding who “reps” were. Dumbells. Reps. Got it…..I liked it our way better.

  4. If the son of God has to work hard for his biceps and triceps, then you know the rest of us have no other options, despite what the informercials tell me every night.

  5. I had no idea what the hell that shirt was all about on first glance, and after I read the post and the fact that they were dumbbells, I STILL don’t see them.

  6. Yep. Before I even began reading I saw penises. Then I read the shirt and wondered how penises represented Jesus. Right there with you.

  7. What I see is giant mutant lobster hands. I would never have come up with weights.

  8. looks like the rest of the shadow image of the guy is spot on based on the stuff we see all the time. what happened to the artist when they got to the hands? were they great at starting things, and got bored? were they super tense about making perfect Jesus hands? pretty sure he’d be a-okay with a best effort, but my 6yr old draws better hands than those CLEARLY penis hands. and now that i see an image of Jesus with penis hands, its got me wondering if the son of God had an amazing penis himself. i mean, he’s made special by the big guy, you’d think it would be pretty amazing. right? great. now i feel guilty. stupid Reps for Jesus. they should add an 800 number for questions.

  9. I also find that shirt very confusing. First of all, when I saw “Reps” I thought “Republicans.” Because “Republicans for Jesus” totally makes sense and is the theme of 99% of the political ads in Texas. But the penis arms don’t really make sense. Unless of course you think most Republicans are dicks, then it all comes together.

  10. Looks like balls and penises to me. Thank goodness for Victor to explain these things.

    When my daughter was in Second Grade, she drew two Wise Wolves (the School Mascot) and her drawing was displayed on the wall along with everyone else’s drawing on the night of open house. Unfortunately, on her drawing one dog was ‘piggy-back’ on the other, with the one on top wearing an expression that looked for all the world like he’d just been caught … well, I wish Victor had been there that night to hastily explain that drawing to me and the parents standing around me. I tried pretending I didn’t know whose it was but of course, my daughter proudly pointed hers out. Gracious.

  11. I gotta admit, I didn’t see penises when I first looked, but I sure as hell didn’t see dumbbells either!

  12. To make it worse, it actually looks like two penises (Penii???) touching at the tips in an upside down V formation. Sooooooo….do with that what you will…

  13. Thank goodness for Victor!!! He is saving us all from eternal damnation with all this Jesus penis talk. And now I want to say “Jesus penis” in all my sentences……..Thanks, Victor…..

  14. I first saw some weird Muppet hands, you know how they’re always missing fingers, maybe a rude British one. But now I see the penis after reading. I’m not sure which is worse.

  15. Look like testicle hands to me, which I think would be very uncomfortable, especially in winter (unless they shrink up into the wrist cavity in cold weather). This also would be disturbing for people who normally shake hands when greeting one another. Because who really wants to shake someone’s testicle?

  16. I thought they were clogs. I’ve never seen a penis that looks like a clog, but that’s not to say they’re not out there.

  17. I thought reps stood for republicans and the reason the penises were stretched out like that is because he has a wide stance.

  18. In Victor’s defense – when he looks at a penis, its usually at a different angle.

  19. That’s worse than an tank. It looks like a “beater” shirt, which makes it twice as trashy & then there’s Jesus with his penises. That shirt is just a no all the way around.

  20. Honestly, I couldn’t even begin to understand what that was. But I suppose a penis is a valid assumption.

  21. take a look at a map of southern california. we have a small lake called the salton sea. it totally looks like a penis.

  22. The idea of Jesus wearing a cross while building upper body strength is too ghoulish. Whoever designed that shirt hates Christians. Or Christ. Probably both.

  23. Is reps for Jesus like a confessional punishment or do you have to have “guns” to get into Heaven? This shirt is confusing. I’m going back to eating cake for Jesus.

  24. Definitely penises. And ones I don’t have any interest in seeing. And I like seeing penises. SHAME ON YOUR SHIRT DESIGNER FOR MAKING UGLY PENISES

  25. Mentioning Jesus and penises in the same sentence automatically gets you into hell! See you there!

  26. You are right, Victor is wrong (don’t you just love hearing that?) Okay, technically Victor is right, but I totally see where you’re coming from. Also, you would be the number one best person in the whole wide world to play Cards Against Humanity with!! And if you don’t know what Cards Against Humanity is, look it up on Amazon because you should definitely play it!!

  27. I, too, saw the penises. My brother in law would totally love this. I really wanna get him one, but I’d not be able to keep a straight face!

  28. Jen,

    My son once supposedly drew two guys carrying a breast between them. In Sunday School, no less. We both got in trouble. He never would tell me what the drawing was supposed to be.

  29. I saw penises. Then when victor explained, I had to do a double take. I’m not 100% convinced those are free weights in Jesus’s hands.

  30. All I can think of now is how much more painful the crucifixion would be when a nail would be driven through not one, but FOUR testicles instead of 2 hands

  31. I go to the gym – five days a week – and those don’t look like any dumbbells at my gym. Sorry Victor – they be penises!!

  32. See, I looked at it and thought they looked like cartoon bones. Then I read it and had no idea what it was supposed to be, but it definitely looks nothing like dumbbells.

  33. I see giant chicken bones. I will look again after I have lunch and see if that changes. It’s like a Jesus Rorschach.

  34. I didn’t see penises at first. I was too busy worrying about Jesus’ reps. Aren’t they called apostles?

  35. I agree with Sarah, why does Jesus need our reps? I also don’t get why he needs our money. I highly doubt he has a PayPal account and churches across the world pay him directly. As long as it’s for charity ( and not to buy the pastor or whoever another $1000 suit) then I’m on board. Doing anything for Jesus implies charity to me so how are reps charity? I mean some dudes do look “blessed”, but I could go make a tank top that says “eat cookies for Jesus” or something else just as useless.

  36. I thought “reps” was short for “representatives.” And I was having a hard time what that had to do with penis-arms.

  37. Oops… I was having a hard time figuring out what that had to do with penis-arms.

  38. I’m with Veronica. We’re eating cake for Jesus too. Because I don’t need to think about Jesus’s penis.

  39. How weird is it that I had to read the entire post before I realized it was a tank top? For some reason, I thought it was an apron. Which makes it about eighty gazillion times funnier.

  40. Well, you know, Jesus was always changing things- water into wine, bread and fish into more bread and fish… Maybe he just decided “I’m gonna try one just for me”

  41. Classic. I had my wife look at it without saying what you saw and she started to giggle. I asked her what she saw and she walked away. I yelled “penis?” and she burst out loud laughing. Hysterical.

  42. I see a two-headed penis on each side, which could be fun and exhausting. But penises can be like clouds, so somebody else probably sees cheese toast with the Virgin Mary burned into it.

  43. Ok, I totally saw penises and then I read the words. I am still confused why Jesus needs us to work out for him though…

  44. ROFLMAO! Actually I peed a little thinking about the look Jesus would give you regarding treatment of others’ genitals. Oh. Muh. Gawd.

  45. Y’all are going to get struck by lightning or go to hell, or both. And I’ll be right there with you laughing my ass off

  46. Maybe it’s not so much your under-exposure to exercise equipment as it is your over-exposure to penises. You see what you expect to see. Like, somebody who plays the piano should be called a piano-player, not a pianist, because I’m not looking for a piano when I hear that word.

  47. I first saw the picture with the bottom cut off, and my first thought was that Jesus was holding a couple kids by the neck. Penis arms were an improvement.

  48. Count me in on totally seeing penises, too. And then I was like, “Why does your penis need to do reps? HOW does your penis do reps? And then, what does it have to do with Jesus?”

    Lots of confusion from one tank top. Now I totally want one.

  49. I don’t even think dumb bells were invented in Jesus’s time so this is historically inaccurate.

  50. If I were at the gym and saw someone wearing this shirt, I would definitely snicker and think the same thing….then I would question our dress code and possibly throw them out. Because who really wants to look at a penis armed Jesus while wandering around the gym? It’s almost as bad as the old men that wear old school running shorts and believe that the built in underwear is a substitute for wearing real underwear!

  51. Forgot to add – they did however have penis’s so that is definitely what it is!

  52. Jesus Penis…it’s a Jesus penis (times 2!! – after all He was the Greatest of the Great!)

  53. Penises all the way – why he needed 4 of them is beyond me. Also, why is he wearing the instrument of his destruction around his neck?

  54. I dunno. To me it looks like the ends of a long bone? Like that his lower arms have been cut off…

  55. I saw chicken drumstick bones. And I thought ‘reps’ meant representing…but now all I can see is penis&ball shaped dumbbells. So very confused.

  56. I’m thinking that’s not Jesus, because why would Jesus wear a cross around his neck?

  57. Totally penises.

    My mother always told me Jesus is love. Maybe I didn’t take that literally enough. And if there is a hell, I’m for sure going.

  58. Actually, I think even his head looks a little dick-like. “Dick” is another word for “penis,” by the way. Just thought I’d clarify. So no one would think I was confusing him with Dick Cheney. Or Dick vanDyke. Which could bring up a whole NEW level of confusing sacreligosity..

  59. Totally penises.

    My mother always say Jesus is love. Maybe I didn’t take that literally enough. And if there is a hell, I’m definitely going.

  60. Sorry, before I even read this I thought, “Why are Jesus’s arms penises? And then I wondered, “And why would he be wearing a cross? THAT’S even more bizarre!”

    Sorry, Victor.

  61. You’d think after the crusifixion he wouldn’t have the muscles to do reps anyhow.

  62. I thought “reps” was short for “represents”, which made me wonder why Jesus would want a man with penis arms representing him. I think even the lepers would run in the other direction if some guy tried to heal them with his scrotum hands….. unless they happened to be leprous AND horny.

    Personally, I’d stick with the leprosy.

  63. Is it wrong that my first thought was “Damn Jesus is hung, no wonder he had some many disciples.” Pretty sure I’m going to hell now…yep. Totally screwed.

  64. Here I was thinking “How did they get my panty-parts picture?” but then I thought “Yay! Royalties!” But now…..a big steaming bowl of nuffin.

  65. What Would Jesus Lift? Well, nothing, if he had penises for arms. Unless he was like that freak show guy I saw who lifted a block with his junk.

  66. The first thing I read was the “Reps for Jesus” quote and immediately saw dumbbells. After reading the post, I looked back and now see testicle-hands. I feel that not seeing that first somehow constitutes a failure on my part.

  67. Considering that ‘The Penis’ is usually a major topic in most males thoughts, hell their reason for being (?) Lol why isn’t there a whole bible chapter of religious wiener?! I seriously wonder how much editing and by whom… The missing sea scroll chapters… Must be. Bloggess you often make my day more then you know.

  68. I think I am going to end up in hell…
    I was staring at the “Jesus” and now all I can see is testicles for hands that lead to shaft arms and end with his head (which the more I stare at it, it just looks like the tip of a penis).

  69. the first thing i thought was club foot, which sounds way more offensive. so you should be good. if not, jesus forgives. right?

  70. To me it appears Jeasus just did some shopping at target & has 2 plastic shopping bags of candy or condoms in each hand.

  71. So much creepiness in that shirt. So much win in the comments.
    I totally thought thay was a eoman lifting weights. A republican woman. Then I saw testicles. I think whoever thought that shirt wad a good idea should be doomed to Hades. It’s not our fault this is a poorly conceived idea and final product.

  72. I saw POM POMS, you bunch of filthy perverts! Jesus The Cheerleader for God! You know where you all are going!

  73. i should get that for my husband. he has a tank he wears to the gym that says ‘obama can’t ban these guns’. i hate it because it insinuates that he thinks obama wants to ban some guns, just not his biceps. it’s stupid. stupid.

  74. They are fantastically phallic. Someone looked at that shirt design and thought they’d done a great job, but I’m pretty sure it’s a design only Jesus would love because he forgives people for being wrong.

  75. P.S. It wouldn’t surprise me if this post and comments set the internet on fire.

  76. I saw penises first too. To be fair, though, penises were far more likely to be shown on your website than dumbbells. That’s not a bad thing.

  77. I would have never got dumb bells from that picture. I immediately thought penis arms before I even read your post. But then, maybe I read your site because we see peni in a lot of things.

  78. Why would anyone do Reps for Jesus. Is he building an army of muscle men? Totally looks like penis hands, too.

  79. I’m laughing – I didn’t understand why Jesus would have exercise equipment- I thought the REPS was short for ‘Republicans’… And are you sure it’s Jesus and not Jesus- as pronounced like Hay-Seuss? Because, did Jesus have exercise equipment back in the day? But, Hay-Seuss may have exercise equipment… I think I could just be very confused now…

  80. I was thinking (after reading Victor’s explanation)….why would Jesus even have dumbbells? I don’t think those existed in that day. And yes, I saw penises, too. IJS.

  81. I have an easier time understanding the penises than the dumbbells. I’m pretty well versed in my Gospels and I was under the impression that Jesus’s fitness routine consisted almost entirely of lots of walking and no strength training (except that carrying the cross part near the end of the Gospels.)

  82. My thought was Representatives for Jesus, not Repetitions for Jesus. I was kind of picturing penises with Bibles going door-to-door asking if you have time to talk about their Lord and Savior. If there is a Hell, save me a seat because you would be awesome to sit next to for all of eternity.

  83. Those things Victor claims are dumbbells look like two scrotums to me.

    So you thinking they look like penises isn’t crazy at all.

  84. Silly me. I saw neither dumbells or penises. I saw heads of people bowing down in front of Jesus, waiting to give him a blowjob. I’m probably going straight to hell for even thinking that, but if he really did die for our sins, doesn’t he deserve a blowjob?

  85. Ok, hold up – I didn’t bat an eye until I read this – “… I can’t even wonder aloud about all of Jesus’s penises…” Jesus had multiple penises? now that sorta creeps me out, even though he was all about acceptance.

  86. I gotta say, I didn’t really see penis in that picture. So then of course I had to TRY to see penis, squinting my eyes all this way and that, and now I’m sitting here wondering what sort of horrifying weed wacker accident would manage to flay a penis head so severely.

    so, thanks for that mental image. 😛

  87. I didn’t even have to get past Jesus and penises to be laughing at this post….I love the way your brain works!!

  88. I wish I could read your first book out loud to my 6th grade class language arts class. Each chapter is a perfect example of a memoir. They might not get it, but I would laugh a lot and it is really cold here in Minnesota and we all need some levity. Even 6th graders. Do you think your second book will be more appropriate? If not, I might pick a fun word like “goldfish” or “broccoli” to substitute whenever necessary. Thanks for everything, jenny.

  89. I wouldn’t have gone with penises. Maybe I haven’t seen enough penises to know. But I CERTAINLY wouldn’t have gone with dumbbells. Even now

  90. nope..totally see it. it’s like some weird reverse bifurkation. who draws this shit?!? and also let me just chime in with the WTF crowd on the Jesus wearing a cross thing too… totally at a loss.

  91. Oh shit! I thought the same thing! New rule for life, never, ever, ever take another Rorschach test. Ever.

  92. I think Jesus was Jewish, so he wouldn’t have had a circumcision.
    Isn’t it nice that his arms are so well endowed, though?
    Don’t feel bad about not recognizing the dumb bells. The forearm is sort of covering them up. A few more reps and they would have shown up better.

  93. I actually thought they were Italian anise cookies…I might just be hungry. I don’t like those cookies or anything but that’s what I thought.

  94. When I first looked at it, I thought it meant representatives for Jesus. I then read your post and looked again. I’ve never seen weights that so closely resemble a penis.

  95. I think the WAY bigger question here is why is Jesus wearing a cross around his neck? It’s like getting killed in a car crash, getting reincarnated (no pun intended), and wearing a hot wheels necklace. Just doesn’t make sense. At all.

  96. See when I first saw the shirt, I thought it meant Republicans for Jesus. And he had really big hands so he could grab hold of other people’s money.

  97. I thought “reps” meant “representatives” and saw some kind of malformed clawlike hands. Or maybe four badly drawn arms each with a separate badly drawn hand. And the plural of “penis” is “penes.”

  98. So I first saw this on the tiny screen on my phone (which of course cut off the top and bottom of the picture). My first thoughts: Jesus has ROCKS in his hands? Two in each and ready to throw? Cool! And because “Reps” clearly stands for “Republicans” my train of thought went to “This is what Jesus would to with Republicans today. Stone them! Because, you know, they totally twist his words around. Yay.” In that sense Reps for Jesus meant to me: More Republicans for Jesus to throw rocks at.

  99. Penises? Weights? Claw arms? Jesus Transformer Autobot? Could be anything, really. Regardless is it EFFED UP.

  100. So those are definitely penises…with some very dodgy looking balls, I might add. Also, aside from the random cross thrown in there, there’s nothing about that silhouette that resembles Jesus. But then, I’m Jewish…what do I know about Jesus?? 😉

    P.S. For more talented cartoon penis drawings, I gift you with this video of a guy who drew a penis into various objects everyday for a year because his wife dared him to. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cB4YJFgHyko&has_verified=1&client=mv-google&layout=mobile

  101. Also, why is Jesus repping in his Jesus robes? Jesus ON work out apparel, working out IN non workout apparel, gives the wrong message, right?

    Penis arms aside, and all.

  102. I 100% think those are penises…. I literally am not able to see free weights even a little bit. I don’t think I will ever be able to think of Jesus the same again. Which, honestly not a huge deal I don’t really think about him that often anyway, so I’ll probably just be slightly disturbed for a while

  103. If you turn it upside down it looks like, well, a textbook drawing of a vagina.

    So I guess Jesus does reps for everyone.

  104. Whenever I start mansplaining anything, my wife reminds me that the correct plural of “penis” is “penes’ and the pronunciation of that word makes me feel small and far less impressive. She wins.

  105. Penises. Then I thought reps meant representatives, and tried to figure out if he was patting them on their disembodied heads? I obviously need to get to the gym more.

  106. I totally saw the dumbbells thing, I have to say. Boo for me. However, they’ve gone too far when they try to use Jesus for fitspo.

  107. Definitely penises! Victor needs his eyes fixed. Or his brain. Or something. ¯(ツ)/¯

  108. I thought “reps” was for “reptiles” and those were his exposed arm bones from being chewed on by them. Didn’t Jesus get his arm bitten off by an alligator in that song? Nope, that was Amos Moses. Never mind.

  109. If they’re NOT penises, then why are Jesus’s hands as big as the weights? And why are his forearms as thick as his biceps if he IS lifting weights? And how does Jesus benefit, either way?

  110. Well, at first I was wondering why “republicans” for Jesus would carry dumbbells. Then I went along the same lines as Doug from Oakland and thought, “Oh reptiles! – wait, why is Jesus holding a reptile hemipenis in each hand?” Then I decided I needed wine.

  111. I figure your point of reference for thinking they were penises is Victor, so he should be very proud and perhaps wear more restraining underwear.

  112. Poor Victor, going around without his glasses. Perhaps you should get him one of those strings that attaches to them and hangs around his neck. I’m sure he’s appreciate it…. 😉

  113. Well darned it- I just watched the clip to be sure it was correct- and that is not it. Google Greg behrendt ripped like Jesus. It’s funny. As is his there might be cake bit.

    Sorry for the crappy link!

  114. also, they already made a porn called Edward Penishands, but im sure a sequel with a lord return to earth…this time with penis hands, would go over probably equally as well.
    ps I DID NOT watch the movie I only heard rumor of it!

  115. I thought Jesus had on boxing gloves:) I know, I know! Now that I have studied this “art work” I vote penis.

  116. Meanwhile, my Facebook preview cut off the bottom of the image, so to me it looked like Jesus carrying sacks of money. Or maybe he was carrying small children by their necks? I wasn’t sure, but I knew you would explain it. So glad it was just penis-dumbell arms.

  117. My first thought was it had something to do with Republicans. And penis arms. Thanks to Victor for clearing that up.

  118. Maybe it’s not reps for Jesus that walked on water, maybe it’s reps for Jesus that made your tacos you had for lunch today. Cuz those were some pretty amazing tacos. And now you need to do reps cuz you are a dozen tacos and so you’re like “thanks Jesus, now I have to do reps cuz I ate too many tacos”

  119. T: “are you surfing the internet for ridiculous shirts again?”
    Me: “Uh, noooo? …what if I was?”
    T: “No Dick-shirts for you! ”
    Me: “but….it’s jesus?!”
    T: “mmh..I guess then you can have one..”

    ..my world just crumbled over my totally conservative japanese hubby basically allowing me to wear shirts with dicks…and balls.. and did I mention the dicks?! Guess the visit of the japanese “jehovas witnesses” people last week disturbed him more than I thought..

  120. why would one even think about making something like this. & those definitely donot look like dumbells at all. jeez that surely looks likes a penis and balls.

  121. Thank god for Victor, I was beginning to suffer from envy before he stepped in and explained everything and on the flipside of the coin I suppose not having a door to the office stops you from falling out of your chair as he can only slam it shut in his head, thereby not knocking you over with the back draft!

  122. I think the bigger question is why do you have a friend that pinned this shirt? 🙂

  123. I saw the penis..how do you write plural for penis. Peniss, penis’s penises? It’s early. Now I can stop thinking about Jesus’s penises. Ok got it. Penises..Rather fitting way to start Lent I guess.

  124. Maybe rep really does mean representative, and those aren’t dumbbells but crab-claw hands. Which would also explain the cross because as someone else pointed out, Jesus doesn’t wear cross necklaces! That would be so braggy!! Anyway back to the claw handed reps, that could be an interesting campaign. I mean if someone wearing a robe and a cross with crab claw hands came to your door which you had unfortunately opened as thought was pizza delivery, then started going on about Jesus, would you not be prone to just silently nod your head and agree?

  125. I don’t think those look like either penises or dumbbells. It looks like he is holding two dinosaur bones. Probably to test our faith.

  126. I can’t stop laughing. As I read your post, I avoided making eye contact with Jesus’ hands. What if they did look like penises and then I’d be sinning? Thanks for the needed mid-week laugh!

  127. My question is why Jesus needed to do reps at all. He was a carpenter (used his muscles all the time) and could carry his cross. This infers that He needed to waste his time in useless exercise when He could have been saving people. Sorry, but it’s a dumb shirt.

  128. Since we’re told He was circumcised, I’m now wondering if a special circle of hell was created just for the mohel who cut Him. At least we know that Superman, aka Cheap Plastic Space Jesus, was uncut, because Kansas hospitals were not stocked with kryptonite scalpels then.

  129. I’m going to have to read this at home because I suspect this convo will go NSFW so very very fast… hm….was it EVER suitable for work? probably not. Hmm. I’ll catch up on the comments.

    FYI I saw toddler-drawn hands by the way… muppet style. And I thought “reps” as “representatives”… obviously I need more time at the gym.

  130. I just spent the morning reading ALL of these (Jesus is going to come back ripped!). Aunt Meme wins….

  131. It’s probably something like “Blessed are the peace makers” only it got mistranslated and was really supposed to be “Blessed are the penises” which means Jesus was only blessing the dudes and that makes him a sexist.
    Wow! Who knew!?!

  132. You definitely need to put “like” buttons on your site. Please be sure to read comment #183
    I can’t stop laughing

  133. I’m pretty sure this is like a Rorschach test. What you see says more about you than about the pic. I saw penises, AFTER reading that I should see penises. Before that, I saw poorly-drawn dumbells. Then I pondered whether the plural of penis is “penises” or “penii.” Then I may have inadvertently scratched myself while pondering this. At no point was I inspired to work out.

  134. At least you didn’t say Jesus was using shake weights. I just am not sure I get this shirt. I’m lifting weights in honor of Jesus? This is what Jesus’ gym membership card would look like if Jesus went to the gym? I’m lost

  135. @khereva: Who said Superman was uncut? We know his parents shipped him from Krypton on a spaceship, but don’t know whether or not he was circumcised before he made the trip. Either way, I mean, he wore his underwear on the outside. Come on, now.

  136. This is still bothering me. Why does Jesus have such big dumbbells? In all of his pictures he cuts more of a lean figure?

  137. Add me to the list of those who thought “reps” meant “represent.” “Represent for Jesus” — that makes sense, right? Although I can’t explain either (i) penis arms or (ii) tank tops. At all. Is it ever so hot that cap sleeves are not an option?

  138. I also thought “What’s with the penis arms?” but I guess that says more about me than the shirt, or maybe about the artist’s inability to clearly differentiate dumbbells from hands. Regardless. Who would want to wear this anyway– I mean, how can you NOT see it? I’m pretty sure that’s not the message the wearer / designer intended. Or, maybe it is… in which case, GO JESUS! Penis arms represent!

  139. I think I’m going straight to Hell, I saw penises too. At Christmas, my husband was snickering in church and I heard him say to my son “Once you’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it.” Turns out he was talking about the new “crucifix”, which is done in a Russian icon style. The painted abs, I swear to God, look like an erect penis. And my hubs is right, I cannot unsee it. But Jesus likely did have a penis, didn’t he? Or he’d have died at birth because…well, it’s essential to have one! I am so screwed. I’m sure the devil in charge of Hell’s HR has a job lined up for me, possibly one that allows me to put inappropriate ideas into people’s heads while they attend church.

  140. Totally with the penises. I also spent quite a while trying to figure out who “reps” were – and decided, as did so many, that this was some sort of weird Republicans for Jesus shirt done by a six year old who couldn’t draw hands. You see it all the time if you’re an art teacher. Also Jesus has a really small head on the T-shirt. I find that puzzling too. More six year old art.

  141. So. Much. Fail.
    I saw swollen Zoidberg hands…all the better to heal you with, my dear. I CAN see Victor’s dumbbells.* But when you said penis arms, I was thinking hanging down, as penises do, and like Patent (number 143), was trying to figure out just what the hell could have happened to Jesus’s penis arms (a phrase I never imagined writing), and just how little it takes to get you thinking “penis”. Finally I saw the testicles! Whew!
    And the cross!
    And the message!
    *Still was wondering what dumbbells had to do with representing Jesus until I read some comments. Guess I was distracted?
    (Had to proof-read this to change autocorrected pens back to penis. Sigh.

  142. If I had a gym or was a bodybuilder, I don’t know that I’d pick Jesus to be my poster child. I mean, I’m sure he was in shape and all — he had to do a lot of walking on water and stuff. And he was a carpenter, so he had to swing a hammer occasionally. But I don’t know that Jesus was all muscular and buff. He probably wouldn’t even be a good choice for a nutrition shop…he may have had an eating disorder, what with all the fasting.

    It’s a good thing I’m not Catholic — because I’m sure penalties are worse when one blasphemies on Ash Wednesday.

  143. Hey Jenny, I think ALL of your fans MISSED the movie reference. This shirt is from “Pain and Gain” the movie with Mark Walberg and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. In the movie, these two muscle heads kidnapp a guy (Tony Schlob) and durring the whole movie Dwayne Johnson’s character is this ex-con gone for Jesus bodybuilder. He wears SEVERAL silly ass “Pump Iron for Jesus” shirts. The movie is kind of sucky but funny for the shirts.
    Dave

  144. Yup. I saw penis arms too. Took me a moment and then I figured out they were dumbells, but really, first thought: penis arms.

  145. I work out pretty regularly and am familiar with gym equipment. I can tell you those do not look anything like dumbbells. Totally penises. Good call.

  146. I’m with you, Jenny, those are penises, no question.
    Maybe he’s trying to spread the love of his father directly through touch?

  147. I saw the image before I read the headline/text, and even though it says “Jesus” on the shirt, I still didn’t know what I was looking at. I thought it was a squid-like thing of some sort with big tentacles coming out at me.

    Tentacles.
    Testicles.
    Hmmm.

  148. totally penises, or penes (according to Merriam Webster and my former anatomy instructor). I have handled both dumbells and penes and am certain I can tell the difference!

  149. It looks like a single mutated penis head with two shafts and four testicles…. Maybe Jesus is SUPER FERTILE. …I think I just icked myself out.

  150. Absolutely – I have to agree with the other comments – I thought it looked like penises before I even started reading.

  151. I’d also like to point out that Jesus is wearing a cross around his neck. Is this disturbing to anyone else? If I was tortured and murdered by a lynch mob with pitchforks the last piece of jewelry I would select for myself is a pitchfork. A person who does this is suspect in my book. Masochistic much Jesus?

  152. Before I started reading the post I was staring at that picture… despite the writing I couldn’t figure out the arms, I thought they were bones though, not penises. Ha.

  153. I didn’t see penises, I thought Jesus had some kind of club hands. Like maybe Mary needed to call 1-800-BAD-DRUG or something like that. I was thinking maybe the whole miracle thing started because he needed to grow some new hands. Is this possible? I don’t know. But yes.

  154. In Dutch, when writing the sentence ‘De pen is van je zus’ (The pen belongs to your sister) all together ‘depenisvanjezus’, it can be actually read as meaning ‘Jezus’penis’. So I can totally relate to weird associations between Jezus en penisses.

  155. You should think about investing in a strapless bra maybe? I mean it’s just something to consider. I never, ever wore tank tops until I got one. Cause i’m like eww nobody wants or needs to see my bra strap. It’s not cool. And then I got a strapless one like 4 years ago and I have worn it every day since then. Even with non tank tops or strapless shirts. They’re sooooo comfortable. And no it’s not a bad strapless bra where i’m pulling it up all day. It stays!! Cause i hate bras. and this feels like you aren’t wearing one!! (even though I am). I got it from Victoria’s Secret. I hate that store. But thats the only place I found a good strapless bra in my size. Anyhoot, just a suggestion. Love your blog. I found it from reading Hyperbole and Half (my favorite blog). Do you happen to know what happened to Allie and why she stopped blogging?? 🙁 (oh just to clarify I have not been wearing the SAME bra for 4 years. I have just been wearing and buying the same brand continuously. I buy a new one when i need to)

  156. I’ve only recently discovered your blog so I’ve been insanely busy reading your archived posts. This one is hilarious. I’m in bed, laughing half to death. This is priceless. You are deserving of the title The Bloggess.

  157. Ok girls, this is a t-shirt related to GYM and FITness, reps is a term used for bodybuilding when you lift. The reps for Jesus quote comes from a very popular comedy show caller Broscience which is followed by millions of gym goers from Around the world.

    In no way REPS is for Republicains, and in no way those hands Look like penises.

    By seeing penises on that pictures, you guys are definitely saying to the web that you see penis everywhere and that you are absolutely have never gone to a gym.

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