The last month has been weirder than usual. Filled with me wanting to scream at people I can’t scream at. Filled with me giggling hysterically. Filled with me crying hysterically. Filled with stress and dread and far too many hospital visits. Filled with homing pigeons and falling out of trees and unexpected glee and confusion. Filled with me sometimes feeling nothing…which is so much worse than feeling anything. I tend to hide a bit when things are weird and the world goes spiky and I’m sure you’ve probably noticed that. I’m fine though. Victor and Hailey are fine and everything that means the most is still wonderful. There are weird things going on in the background which I can’t always share because they aren’t just my stories, but I still want to come on here and say “I’M STILL ALIVE IN SPITE OF THE BASTARDS” but then people would be like “Who is being mean to you? WE WILL STAB THEM WITH OUR POINTY STICKS.” And that’s very sweet (and I’ll take a raincheck on it) but the people who I’m most frustrated with are people you don’t know, people who aren’t on the internet, and people who are me when my head gets all shitty and holds me hostage. All this to say that I don’t have much to say, but that I probably will soon. This sort of thing happens and it feels like it’s the end of the world and then suddenly it’s gone and I look back at these posts and think, “Really? You’re fine. Calm your ass down and get your shit together.” And I will get my shit together. And then I’ll probably lose it again. And that’s how life goes. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.*
*Unless it was a way with more bacon, and warm blankets made of live cats. Or maybe something where I had better hair and always spelled things correctly. Or something with more pockets. I’d settle for more pockets.
PS. This song. I’ve shared it before but it’s one of my favorites and it’s exactly where I am today so maybe you need to hear it too.