Success is not for the laz

My husband said “success is not for the lazy” but what if the thing that I’m really successful at is being lazy?  I bet super-successful people never focus on succeeding in the field of laziness and so they don’t realize how hard it is.  I assure you, it takes just as much commitment and time to be slothful as it does to be an astronaut.

We lazy people don’t do it for accolades or rewards.  We do it because it’s what we do.  We never get recognition for excelling in the field of laziness, probably because all the other people who are focused on laziness are too lazy to come up with a way to measure laziness.  Which is fine because the truly lazy couldn’t be bothered to submit our laziness for judgement.  We are industrious in our unindustriousness.  (Spellcheck just informed me that “unindustriuous” isn’t a real word, but it refused to give me any suggestions or help, and I suspect that means that even Spellcheck has been inspired by my languorous example.)

I’m so good at being lazy I could do it in my sleep.  Literally.  In fact, sleep is when I do some of my best work.  The only way I could get better at being lazy is if I were in a coma.  Victor pointed out that I’d probably regret all this laziness when I’m old and on my deathbed but I don’t think he’s thought that through.  Death is really just the highest level of laziness and it sort of means that my dying act will be my final masterpiece AND I DON’T EVEN HAVE TO WORK AT IT.

Then Victor said that he didn’t have any way to respond to this sort of “illogical ridiculousness” and flatly refused to debate it with me anymore.

And I think that’s just laziness.

I think the man has great potential.

156 thoughts on “Success is not for the laz

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Finally something we’re both equally good at.
    (It’s hard to type while laying my head on my desk like this. I’m sort of napping. At work. I don’t think they appreciate this gift we share.)

  2. I have been thinking about a blog post on how lazy I’ve been lately. But I was too lazy to get it posted. And now it wouldn’t seem very original. Bummer.

  3. I was recently told an act of laziness that is astonishing even to me. (I say that because I am well known in my family for being chronically lazy) Apparently the captain of I think it was a military boat (I don’t really know) was really tired when he woke up and as he was eating his bagle for breakfast the sun shined brightly into his eyes. And rather than getting up and moving (which to people of the nonlazy type consider to be easy) he moved the boat off course by 15 degrees so he wouldn’t have the sun in his eyes. If that’s not dedication to laziness, then I don’t know what is.

  4. Yup my laziness is showing right now, but my 1 yr old is making it difficult for me LoL. Nap time but she won’t nap!

  5. So when you’re being productive, are you just lazy at being lazy? It’s like, “I COULD lie around and watch TV all afternoon, but I think I just feel like cleaning the house.” That’s REAL slovenly behavior right there.

  6. I have always considered myself to be a professional napper and live in pure green envy of my cats who bring napping to a refined level. Further moreI think laz……zzzzzzz…..

  7. I thought I was lazy. Turns out it was antipsychotics used to be called tranquilizers for a reason!

  8. Lazy-daisy-easy chair
    sunbeam napping cat
    dinner was an apple
    hair day, wore a hat.

    That was exhausting…

  9. One of my favorite sayings is “If you want to know the easiest way to do something, ask the laziest person in the room.” I figure that’s why people ask for my advice so often.

  10. It IS hard work, thank you for recognizing it! I’m trying to take a few afternoons off work this week to just be lazy but that in itself requires unprecedented effort. I think I’m failing at being lazy… I’d better sleep that off with a nap.

  11. I’m reading this instead of cleaning the house or doing the bookwork I’m supposed to do today… Good to know laziness is a skill….

  12. I’m reminded of the SpongeBob episode in which Patrick won an award for doing nothing longer than anyone else. He then went back under his rock to protect his title. 🙂 I’d link a clip of the episode, but that would require like, a Google search, or something equally taxing. Just trust me, it was funny.

  13. Oftentimes I find myself IN bed, doing something like reading or doing something on my phone, and when I get tired I’m too lazy to go to sleep. Too lazy to put the book/my phone/a horse down and go to sleep, even though I am already laying in bed. I think I deserve some sort of award for this shit.

  14. If only lazy paid the bills… well I’m sure it does for some… I’m too lazy to work out HOW those people have managed to do that…

  15. If there were an Olympic category for Lazy, I’d win the gold, but someone would have to deliver it, because I’m usually too lazy to even walk out to the mailbox.

    I pretend I’m not, by getting tons of useful stuff done around here, but really, pretty much all I want to do is sit in the sun and read.

  16. Can one be lazy and a multi-tasker? I think I am. I’m presently procrastinating a work project, checking my web stats and reading your post on laziness. Lazy squared? No, the math’s not right on that.

  17. According to Scott Adams, if you fall asleep at work and end up with “keyboard face,” you should tell your boss you’re coming down with “Qwertyitis,” and go home for the rest of the day.

  18. You’re so lazy, you didn’t even finish the word “lazy” in the post title. That’s the pinnacle of achievement, right there 🙂

  19. Laz (adj.): Focused; prioritized; reserves-at-the-ready for emergencies. Just good ’nuff is pretty great.

  20. So, was the lack of the “y” in lazy in your title the ultimate example of laziness?? 🙂

    (Yup. ~ Jenny)

  21. I keep telling my husband that laziness is a skill, but he doesn’t believe me. I might make him read this when he gets home… you know, if I’m up to it. <<>>

  22. Albert Einstein did his best work right before and right after a nap. Every time I’m accused of being lazy for a mid-day nap I just say, “I’m not lazy. I’m a genius.”

  23. If you research what people regret on their deathbeds, no one seems to regret laying on the couch and watching Dr. Who all day…..they evidently do regret not flossing, just fyi.

  24. My life was changed about a dozen years ago when I was driving to work and “Mary in the Morning” played a song by Iris DeMent. “The Way I Should” is the title cut[1] from a CD and the chorus goes like this:
    “It’s true I don’t work as hard as you tell me I’m supposed to
    Don’t run as fast as I could.
    But I live life just the way I want to
    And that’s the way I should.”

  25. So, I just made a Wordle out of your website (wordle.net) and it’s pretty wonderful. Lazy and People are in huge font. Not sure if it is capturing your entire oeuvre, but it’s still pretty fun. I can’t post it here, but you should make one yourself and smile at your awesomeness. And if you’ve never played with Wordle before, well… there goes your afternoon.
    Thanks for all the laughs, you rock!
    Julie

  26. I am so honored to be part of such an elite lazy club. When I was a teenager my father used to tell me that I was so lazy I squeaked. What does that even mean? Why would being lazy make a person squeak? Has anyone else heard this expression? I am obviously too lazy to look this up on my own.

  27. A psychologist told me once that I needed to stop ‘efforting’ life and let it carry me…I took her VERY SERIOUSLY…so I can blame my sloth on someone with a big old diploma. Totally justified.

  28. If you set you to deliberately fail, and you do, have you succeeded or failed? THESE thoughts occupy my brain and if I work it too hard, I fall asleep. Success or failure, I win.

  29. This is exactly what I needed today. All day, my depression has been screaming at me that I suck at everything and I am an utter failure. But wait — I rock at being lazy. Yay me!!! And you. And everyone else who chooses to excel in the slothful arts.

  30. I truely identify with this. My motto has always been ‘why run when you can walk, why walk when you can stand, why stand when you can sit, why sit when you can lie down, and why just lie down, when you can sleep!’

  31. LOL That was one of the deepest thoughts I’ve ever seen on laziness. It makes me feel better for dodging real work all day long. #lazyistheshit

  32. Well, since you put it THAT way, I’ve even been called ‘lazy’. More than once.

    I’ve also been called ‘worthless’ and I’ve been called ‘good for nothing’ and now that you mention it, that shit ain’t easy. I see something that needs to be done and I wanna do it. But if I do it, then I’m not lazy, worthless OR good for nothing.

    And what exactly DOES good for nothing mean? If I’m good…then it’s bound to be worth something. Right?

    Sorry…I’m all lost now. You’re on your own with this one.

  33. Well wake up! I saw this and thought who would buy this? Maybe you! But more importantly hopefully you will appreciate him! It’s a fur bearing trout, a taxidermy trout with fur! Only found in the northern reaches of Canada and maybe Alaska I am assuming….hahahaha, it was posted on a jewellery and antique store’s facebook page! Beck Gold $& Diamond Brokers in Edmonton. Imagine stroking this fish’s luxurious fur while sipping sherry and smoking a pipe. Or perhaps pointing out this noble specimen’s thick locks to friends over a casual popcorn and movie night. I think he’s pretty darn cute!
    https://scontent-b-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/t1.0-9/r270/1472834_10152077989341800_1642402361_n.jpg

    1. I considered not leaving a comment, in order to show how devoted I am to your unindustrious call to arms… chairs, but I wanted to say
    2. that you need a like button on comments, because some of these comments are truely hilarious and I would like to provide postive feedback in the laziest possible way – by clicking a like button.
  34. Three cheers for laziness! I’m typing this from my iPhone IN BED. 😉
    Napping is something at which I am highly skilled. How we “lazy people” manage to get all that we DO, done, is beyond me though. Must be the underwear fairy and the hot Swedish maid my husband keeps imagining…

  35. Sometimes your blogs and the way your mind works makes me want to say “I love you”. I wouldn’t actually say that because it would make me seem like a very strange internet person, plus that’s a somewhat inappropriate thing to say to a person who you have never really met. Maybe not as strange as “Can I have your toenail clippings?” but it’s still probably pretty high on the list.

    But, back on topic: you are incredibly entertaining and funny and I am very glad I stumbled onto your blog some time ago because it has been a great source of amusement, and sometimes also a very thought-provoking read.

  36. I try not to be lazy most of the time, but with all of the pollen bombarding me lately, my eyes just want to be closed. In honor of National Honesty Day I’m not going to lie…..the past few days I have let my kids play while I lay on the floor and napped next to them. Shameful I know, but it felt sooo good!

  37. A corollary of lazy is tired, which is how my RA makes me feel. Johnny Hammond says well.

    Nick

  38. I started to read all the comments…but my cats and I are going to take a nap. Then maybe wash some dishes and take out the trash. Or maybe we will just stay in bed and watch a season of Friends.

  39. I hope it’s OK that I didn’t read this to the end because I wanted to egg back to watching TV. Did I miss anything?

  40. Absolutely fabulous! I think you are on to something. Laziness is an art I have never been able to get perfect at yet because of my OCD perfectionistic nature. But maybe there is hope? Keep us updated on your insights, I’d love to hear more about it. I think I will also put together an academic paper about that. Oh, wait, that would not be laziness then, would it? 🙁

  41. @Solstice (up at #58)–I ‘heart’ you for “the slothful arts”—brilliant!!!

    i bet if we could all join our laziness together in a circle, we could create our very own black hole!

  42. I am originally from San Angelo and love the fact you are from Wall. Please write another book.

  43. I decided years ago to make my hobby being lazy. I figured if I was reading, knitting or other hobbies no one would judge me. So why couldn’t being lazy be my hobby. It’s cheap too, I don’t have to buy any books, yarn of supplies. Hobby Time!

  44. Love you… I am so frightened that I relate so much to you. You are fun and funny… But DANG! I am NOT! I do NOT have the charm to get away with it!

  45. My mother always said I was the laziest person she had ever known. I always responded that I wasn’t lazy, just efficient. All of this conversation came about because I was able, as a teenager, to clear the dinner table (for a family of five) of dirty dishes in one trip!

  46. As I watch Brene Brown on an Oprah show, instead of clean up my kitchen, I applaud you as a kindred spirit:). I may feel differently tomorrow, after I’ve cleaned the kitchen, of course.

  47. This post is like the most comfy bed on a wintry morning. I’m lingering, just don’t want to leave.

  48. Once I decided that I really didn’t have to “live up to my potential”, my life became a lot simpler.

  49. First, I applaud you for making up words and giving the finger to spell check, because fuck them</i). Second, there is no way you are lazy. You have a child, a husband, some animals, and you actually update this blog like two or three times a week. You're the goddamn pinnacle of productivity as far as I'm concerned.

    Not that I'm trying to be in a lazy contest with you or anything. I mean, I've been twirling this tendril of hair for the last 20 minutes. So ha.

  50. Lazy people are just efficient people. So anyone who isn’t lazy is just jealous because it means they are inefficient. That’s my story and I’m sticking with it.

  51. I feel like we should start a group or something, but I’m too lazy to do anything about it. I slept 14 hours two nights ago. And my record is 22 hours STRAIGHT. Not lying. Forget the fact that my meds were all wonky, it’s still impressive. Just submitting my resume for the club we’re not going to have.

  52. Robert A. Heinlein wrote that ” progress isn’t made by early risers, it’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something”

  53. Can I talk about procrastination as a form of laziness? Because I could win a fucking medal… My problem with procrastination is that if I feel I have time to slack off and repeatedly manage to get away with slacking off, I will keep on doing it. Worse still, I can’t just bring myself to say “You know what? It’s about time I start studying for that exam” because I’m already busy doing something else. My form of procrastination is doing something I absolutely don’t need to and convincing myself that it’s useful enough that I can keep putting off the important stuff until later.

    …Except of course I can’t and it’s now almost 1am and I have an exam at 10am that I haven’t even done the short review I need for. I only need a quick look at a few documents and I could be done. I don’t actually need to learn anything new, just make sure I haven’t forgotten any of the important stuff. And I can’t do even that… Of course in the beginning it was just put off because I just needed a quick review and it could wait, but now it can’t wait and I still can’t do it because I’m busy writing a comment in this post. Can I get my medal? No one will understand, but I’ll feel better about the useful stuff that could have actually waited to get done.

  54. One day the sun was shining directly into one of my eyeballs while I was lounging about watching Netflix. Rather than shift an inch to the right, I just shut that eyeball. Nailed it.

  55. You don’t hear people criticising sloths for being lazy. For them it’s alright. It’s just another form of prejudice. I’ve been lolling about on the sofa for months thinking about starting a worldwide campaign highlighting prejudice against laziness. I’ve dreamed up big plans involving meetings, posters, marches, concerts and demonstrations,

    But then again, if you think about it long enough, it all seems such a lot of bother. Someone should do it though.

  56. Haha! We all have a skill level of laziness. Beginner (1 star), Novice (2 stars), Teacher (3 stars), Master (4 stars). I wonder if there are subcategories to laziness, kind of like skill sets for Dungeons & Dragons. For example:
    Couch Potato: **
    Opting not to TV instead of finding the damned remote: *
    Browsing the web when supposed to be working: ***
    Eating out instead of cooking: *
    Asking your spouse to get something when your spouse is in the other room and the said object is 2 feet in front of you: ****

    I realize that I over-thought this, which probably makes me a Beginner overall.

  57. Ya gotta wonder if Victor knows the potential for writing his own book on “Life with the Bloggess”? He’d outsell Stephen King.

  58. you’re so lazy, you can’t even spell the word in it’s entirety. You, Jenny, have brought laziness to an entirely new level of “laz”

  59. Sleep isn’t lazy, your subconscious goes to work and you just don’t realise how hard you are working.

  60. These conversations with Victor…I always wish they were longer so I could enjoy them over a glass of wine. But naturally you can’t oblige me in that, due to the aforementioned laziness. Maybe I just need to drink faster and read slower? I can do that.

  61. I was a lot lazier before I got a puppy. He is 2 now and still tries to eat my face when I nap. He’s lucky my love of dogs slightly outweighs my love of laziness.

  62. I was almost too lazy to reply to this post, but I made the effort. You should win a Nobel Prize for this post.

  63. Dear Bloggess.

    I just finished reading your post on being lazy and feel a true, deep, fellowship with you my sister. We are a unique breed. As you stated it’s not easy being lazy. After this comment I have to go take a nap, it’s 10:20 a.m. I had a profound realization while reading this (You have some profound lazy, tell your husband I said so – goddess). I have decided to change my vocabulary from having “depression” to being “lazy.” Thank you! That is a HUGE gift. You also have encouraged me to be lazier in my bogs. I word counted yours (313). Mine are usually three times that long! My editor will be so pleased! My great last push for the day, beside pushing my dog over in bed, will be linking you on my website. I’m exhausted thinking about going into the dashboard etc. etc. (I’m too lazy to finish the sentence, I love etc.) Here is something I’d like to give to you in return. If you sit outside and lay down to read or troll the web, you don’t look lazy, you look productive, like going to the beach all day and sitting there. IT’S PRODUCTIVE! Take your body outside, see what hubby has to say then. He couldn’t fit in our jammies. Kudos!

    Mary
    1realgirlwriter.com/blog

  64. Actually success is DEFINITELY for the lazy. It’s lazy people who innovate simpler, easier ways of doing things and make everything easier for EVERYBODY because they it’s LAZIER to make things simpler than it is to continue having to do everything the complicated way.

    Lazy people made airplanes out of bicycles because goddamn, bicycling to Europe would be SO MUCH WORK.

  65. Blogess, I know your super busy doing nothing but will you be so kind as to tell me the name of the widget or plugin your using below to include links to others. Better yet can you copy and paste the url to the download? I’m lazy.

    I thought it was CommentLuv but it’s not because that one is ugly and makes people leave their names and emails.

    I want the simple – include a link…

    Thanks Blogess

    (I don’t think there’s a name for it. I had it made when I switched to WordPress. ~ Jenny)

  66. While in junior high, I told my older sister, “I can’t wait until I’m dead, then I can sleep forever”. She looked shocked and told me not to tell that to our mother. I still say this and hold heartily to it.

  67. And now for something completely different (not that I can’t empathize with laziness; the state of my apartment would more than convince anyone of THAT): I saw this yesterday in the paper edition of DigBoston <a href="http://www.digboston.com&quot;, and knew without even thinking twice that you needed to know about this website: <a href="http://www.pandorasboxoddities.com/&quot;. While I didn’t check into the details (because I’m lazy, of course), I did notice that there’s a taxidermied bat currently for sale… (I hope I didn’t mess up the HMTL coding; I always seem to when I’m trying to post links, even when I do everything exactly the way it’s supposed to be done.)

  68. Jenny. Sometimes I swear we are cookies cut with the exact cutter! I also imagine you are being more funny than truthful. I think when you come to my area you should hang out with me so I can show you what lazy is all about. you will have to call a cab to bring you to my house and please just come on in. I don’t get off the couch to answer the door.

  69. I’ve been feeling awful this last week about just how lazy I am. I have slept in until 4pm four days this week because of my work schedule. And that’s not me staying up super late, that’s just me geting 12-16 hours of sleep a night. I know it has to do with my medication and a lot of it has to do with the fact that I’ve been doing it for almost fifteen years. But as always Jenny, perfect timing on your post to make me see that I am not alone, and that laziness can be awesome. I should stop being so hard on my self for something I can’t completely control.

  70. Victor doesn’t understand that he totally made your point for you. Which means you win at laziness because you didn’t even have to make your own point!

    Can I be you when I grow up?

  71. SERIOUSLY Jenny, did you really just pull the word “languorous” out of your ass? Please tell me you used the thesaurus. (But I kind of think you didn’t, because that would require effort, and this is a post about laziness. But it would add to the irony, and even lazy people like irony, so in that sense I think maybe you could’ve used a thesaurus.)

  72. You’re definitely on to something Jenny.
    Just think of all those members of the 27 club; it’s doubtful they would ever have reached such heights in their career had they lived.
    Dying was the best career move they ever made, think of Hendrix, Cobain, Buckley, Joplin, Morrison etc.
    Not that dying is recommended, and anyway, you’re too old to join the 27 club, just pointing out that laziness inferred via death is a great posthumous career move!

  73. my husband was an astronaut — two shuttle flights — and i’d have to agree with you. it does take a particular kind of laissez faire to do that kind of job, as in, “you stay home, go to work, take care of the kids, and i’ll go train for a couple of years, then go do cool stuff.” something like that… (now he’s a professor of aerospace and astronautics, and i still go to work — but he’s a really great guy).

  74. lol- yet another awesome post
    i prefer thinking of myself as Beta… although often misunderstood as lazy

  75. Dammit, Jenny, I adore you. Laziness is an extreme sport and a finely honed skill. It’s taken me years to master this supreme level of lazy. I put in the time and justly earned my name. I am MissLazyJ! Hear me snore!

  76. I’ve spent most of my adult life in a walking coma… and I still haven’t perfected it.
    Oh well, there’s always tomorrow, right?

  77. Ooh, my laziness takes a HEAP of work! I can go through masses of tasks in an attempt to avoid one less onerous task. For example, instead of ironing a shirt, I spend ages in the morning trying on a discarding outfits, digging clothes out of storage and moaning that I have nothing to wear. This kind of laziness takes dedication and effort.

  78. (Spellcheck just informed me that “unindustriuous” isn’t a real word, but it refused to give me any suggestions or help, and I suspect that means that even Spellcheck has been inspired by my languorous example.)

    Here some laz jazz thought about it : you’re funny that way.

  79. I just got back from a beach trip with 3 of my friends…we competed for who could lounge on the beach and be the most relaxed. I won. I don’t mean to brag, but my beach-bummedness is, like, Olympic grade.

  80. “Progress isn’t made by early risers. It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.” -Robert Heinlein

  81. I read this post a week ago but I’ve been too lazy to get around to responding until now. I just wanted to say I totally agree with the whole post. 😀

  82. This is humorous, witty, and philoso (I am just too lazy to finish the sentence…). Thumbs up.

  83. My husband laughed at me the other day because I was calculating how many hours/days that it might take me to finish a project for a quote. I was calculating a 5 hour workday. Some discussion was had about where the other 3 hours went. I assure you I dedicated them to the practice of awesomeness.

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