Conversation between me and Victor:
me: Look! I designed a shirt for us:
Victor: “Procrastinate no“?
me: It was meant to say “PROCRASTINATE NOW” but then I got distracted and never finished it.
Victor: Well, that’s ridiculous.
Me: No, it’s fitting. Because I’m all, “PROCRASTINATE NOW!” because I’m cool with procrastination. So cool with it, in fact, that I didn’t even finish the shirt. But then it also works for you because you hate procrastination, so if you wear it it’s more like: “PROCRASTINATE? NO!” Either way, everyone agrees. And now we can both wear the same shirt so we’re saving money on clothes.
Victor: Except that we don’t wear the same size. And the shirt isn’t here.
me: I haven’t ordered it yet. I figured I’d do it later.
Victor: So you haven’t ordered the shirt that you haven’t finished…which celebrates the fact that you procrastinate?
me: Yes. I’m proving my own point without even wearing the shirt. That’s how good of a shirt it is.
PS. I read that The Nepalese postal service sometimes gets so behind they throw away sacks of undelivered mail. Based on that, I think I might be Nepalesian. Or Nepaleatic. Or Neopolitan. I’m not sure which, but I just spent an hour looking up why I don’t have time to answer all my mail in the time it could have taken me to answer all my mail. I can’t tell if that’s impressive or incredibly sad. Also, I just remembered that I haven’t taken my ADD drugs in awhile.
Things are starting to make sense now.
And now, the weekly wrap-up of awesomeness:
(Paper collage courtesy of Bethany Goosen.)
Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- Giant eyeball plate. Perfect for pretending to be a cyclops after dinner. This one looks like a big googley eye and will help you stay on your diet because it’s looking at you accusingly.
- THAT’S NO MOON. It’s a plate. Why? Because science, that’s why. Also available in full, half, and quarter. Collect the whole set! Freak out werewolves!
- I made this poster for my daughter’s classroom but I suspect they won’t use it.
- This is the cover of the children’s book I plan to write when I’m finished with my current book. Also available on shirts and iPad Air covers for some reason.
- Extra Gravy For All.
- Rock out with your…um…mug out.
Shit that I’m vaguely involved with on the internets:
- How I Tinder.
- This gif is scary and hilarious all at the same time.
- I think my porcupine was broken.
Shit you should buy or steal because it’s awesome:
This week‘s wrap-up is brought to you the fabulous Victoria Elizabeth Barnes, who writes about restoring her old Victorian house… Sort of. She writes about being married, surviving intense and chaotic house-projects with her husband, and her deep love of craigslist/hoarding giant architectural salvage. You might know her from the time she brought home a massive mirror that’s bigger than my first apartment, but my favorite was the time she made her husband rip down walls to save treasure. Go read it.