I started writing this post a year ago and I still don’t have a good ending.

Conversation between me and Victor:

me:  Look!  I designed a shirt for us:

procrastinate no

Victor:  “Procrastinate no“?

me:  It was meant to say “PROCRASTINATE NOW” but then I got distracted and never finished it.

Victor:  Well, that’s ridiculous.

Me:  No, it’s fitting.  Because I’m all, “PROCRASTINATE NOW!” because I’m cool with procrastination.  So cool with it, in fact, that I didn’t even finish the shirt.  But then it also works for you because you hate procrastination, so if you wear it it’s more like: “PROCRASTINATE?  NO!”  Either way, everyone agrees.  And now we can both wear the same shirt so we’re saving money on clothes.

Victor:  Except that we don’t wear the same size.   And the shirt isn’t here.

me:  I haven’t ordered it yet.  I figured I’d do it later.

Victor:  So you haven’t ordered the shirt that you haven’t finished…which celebrates the fact that you procrastinate?

me:  Yes.  I’m proving my own point without even wearing the shirt.  That’s how good of a shirt it is.

PS.  I read that The Nepalese postal service sometimes gets so behind they throw away sacks of undelivered mail. Based on that, I think I might be Nepalesian. Or Nepaleatic.  Or Neopolitan. I’m not sure which, but I just spent an hour looking up why I don’t have time to answer all my mail in the time it could have taken me to answer all my mail.  I can’t tell if that’s impressive or incredibly sad.  Also, I just remembered that I haven’t taken my ADD drugs in awhile.

Things are starting to make sense now.


And now, the weekly wrap-up of awesomeness:

sid4(Paper collage courtesy of Bethany Goosen.)

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit that I’m vaguely involved with on the internets:

This week‘s wrap-up is brought to you the fabulous Victoria Elizabeth Barnes, who writes about restoring her old Victorian house… Sort of.  She writes about being married, surviving intense and chaotic house-projects with her husband, and her deep love of craigslist/hoarding giant architectural salvage.  You might know her from the time she brought home a massive mirror that’s bigger than my first apartment, but my favorite was the time she made her husband rip down walls to save treasure.  Go read it.

82 thoughts on “I started writing this post a year ago and I still don’t have a good ending.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. When I read the word Neapolitan, I thought of: Neapolitan Mastiff, ice cream, Napoleon, Nepalese sounds like nipple, and hey, apple has two p’s like nipple – crazy. Shit. Where is my medication?

  2. I had an uncle who worked for the post office and got fired for delivering the Wall Street Journal a few days late, every day, every week.

  3. Procrastinating goddess right here. I can come up with more useless shit to do than the actual shit I’m supposed to be doing at any given time. And I rationalize it. Like, somebody’s gotta look at the trees. The dirty dishes will always be there, but the trees, man?!

  4. Let’s have a procrastinators protest! We can all wear that shirt and carry signs. And it will the most peaceful protest in history, because none of us will finish our signs, or get out of bed on the day of the protest, so no one will actually be there.

  5. Regarding procrastination– I still have Christmas paper and bows out in my office leftover from last year. I never put them away. Now the holiday season is rolling around again and I don’t have to look for gift wrap. My laziness is actually a win. Yay me!

  6. Um…I have a post yesterday, (Happy Birthday Boo!) about how I wrapped my 3 yo’s birthday gifts in snowman Christmas paper. And red duct tape. B/c we put off buying birthday wrapping paper. I can’t decide if that falls under procrastination, or if I could pretend that it was super preplanning, since we had Christmas wrap in the house.

    From last year.


  7. A shirt that works both ways, a plate that stares back at me and a mug for all occasions – my Christmas list is complete. Bonus is that extra gravy will stick to the plate and make it less accusatory.

  8. Procrastinate No. I think I’d like it better as a very large poster. I could hang it over my TV to guilt myself into doing something now instead of kidding myself that watching “Millionaire Matchmaker” on demand is “research.”

  9. Oh me too! On the neapolitan thing, or maybe that’s ice cream.

    But on another note: Ice Cream. Hooray!

    What about Procrastinate Late? It has the benefit of rhyming, and it could mean that you’re doing something behind schedule that you could have put off until another time, or it could mean that you meant to say “Procrastinate Later,” but got distracted.

    In any case, I’m with you all the way.

  10. I think add the start of the w, so no one would misread it as procrastinate no. But that’s me. And then send me one. When you think about it. Someday.

  11. One Came Home!
    Man alive I love that book. I want Georgie for a friend, for me? For my daughters? Both? I stayed up way to late to finish this book. I was just going to “start” it…150 pages later and I had to finish it. It was irksome 🙂
    PS-I love that you read with Hailey. My oldest is just learning to read and we are having so much fun. I keep eying the Harry Potter books, A Wrinkle in Time, The Westing Game and all my other “childhood” favorites and having to talk myself down.
    PPS-Does “eying” even look like a word? And yet, “eyeing” gets the red squiggle of shame. Fuck you spell check.

  12. Nepal is also famous for their Ghurka warriors. If you’re good with a knife you never know. In fact procrastination while holding a knife is probably a safe thing 🙂

  13. The shirt is awesome…I’d get one if I ever get around to figuring out how to order shit online…it’s a tad confusing and scary for me…

  14. I totally relate, you know. sometimes when I’m faced with a huge & daunting task, I suddenly become lazy & begin to feel like doing it at a later time, but the good thing is I always stop to consider the pros & the cons and so that’s when I always end up going for the pros. em…i mean procrastination, that is! lol

    BTW procrastination can be a good thing. Imagine the impact it would have on the population & economy if men PRO-CASTRATE? okay, not really! 🙂

  15. ah yes procrastination, it makes the heart grow…..what? wait? I have to go look that up…..but I think your shirt idea is perfect. I would buy one, or two, if I ever got around to it.

  16. Procrastination: Natures way of reminding me that I am forcing myself to do something I really don’t want to do. Just stop it

  17. If you haven’t yet, read the FableHaven series (by Brandon Mull) with your daughter. Great fantasy. I still read to my family, even though the “kids” are 21 and 23.

  18. thank you for all these links and esp the book review. A similar sort of story that I can recommend is Greener Grass, an award winning book about a girl who lives through the Irish Potato Famine. and now back to putting my artwork on plates and lampshades through your zazzle links 😉

  19. How did that guy Wimpy on Popeye put it? I’ll gladly pay you on Tuesday for a cheeseburger today! So, I’ll gladly pay you at some point for a procrastination shirt I’ll buy in a few days, someday…..

  20. Okay, so I was planning on making up planet charts of all the planets. Because astrology. I was planning on using pictures from NASA. So when my Jupiter plates show up, don’t hate me! (I’ve been procrastinating. Yeah.)

  21. Love the shirt, but will any of us procrastinators get around to buying it?? I’m procrastinating right now. I have so much shit still to do. This pretty much happens every Sunday evening. Oh and I added that book to my wish list. I’ll have to check it out (when I get around to it).

  22. I used to be the worst procrastinator. I don’t know if it’s an age thing or a motivational thing, but I don’t procrastinate that much anymore. Maybe it has to do with just saying no…

    My daughter was Tinderella for Halloween! It was hilarious.

  23. Harold on a tshirt is a must have. Awesome. And yes, fuck everyone. You can tell them I said so.

  24. W…ait. You wrote “the Nepalese postal service” and then couldn’t be bothered to look at what you had just written to figure out how to write “Nepalese”? You really ARE the procrastination queen.

  25. Argentina is kind of the same. We applied for our national ID in February and were told it would arrive by mail in 60-90 days. Never mind we had not seen a single mailbox the entire time we’ve been down here–they just kind of vaguely throw the mail at your house, and there are no official postal service vehicles, so it’s just sort of random people throwing envelopes at your house.

    Anyway, we applied in February, and it took until August for someone to realize that our mail was lost. It had a postal routing number on it, but no one could figure out where it was. We figured they had strapped it to an alpaca and said, “Go, son! Find the people!” and sent it out into the world. Ten months later we finally got our IDs after having a lawyer approach immigrations and basically have them look down and go “oh, yeah, that was returned to us. whoops.”… and now our IDs expire in two months. So, they didn’t quite throw out the mail… they just routed them in the absolute most inefficient way possible.

  26. “Nepaleatic”….that’s a classic. I’ll be the Deli Llama gets a chuckle out of that too. I’m sure he reads you.

  27. Reminds me of the same logic I used when i was supposed to post a blog post at 10:00, and I posted it at 1:00, and I was like, “I’m only off by a zero, which is nothing, so I’m not late.”

  28. Bought a button when I was out on Saturday that reads: “To do list: 1) Procrastinate. 2) Panic.” I may hang it on my cubicle wall if I ever get around to bringing it to work with me.

  29. Does procrastinating either now or later simply end up cancelling itself out? Now I’m confused in a Back To the Future 2 kind of way.

  30. Aw, come on Victor. You are so lucky. She is thrifty, creative and funny. The trifecta, really:). Wearing the same shirt . . . . 🙂

  31. My procrastination knows no bounds. I haven’t even finished a story since my senior year of high school which was almost 5 years ago. (Although I still pretend to be a writer.)

  32. I was working at the library, and a woman came up to return an overdue book and pay the fine. She leaned on the desk between us, and whispered, “I kept meaning to bring it back, and I just kept not doing it.” The book’s title: “Overcoming Procrastination”. And I thought, “You, my dear, are a soul sister.”

  33. What Candidkay said. Also, ‘Shit I did when I wasn’t here.’ Is that an ADD thing? Because I totally understand that. (One of my basic rules: if I can’t find it, look in the refrigerator. That’s where it is, more than I care to think about.)

    Mail: wood stoves are handy for that, the backlog. That’s what I know.

  34. Would it be possible to get Harold on a cover for an iPhone 5? I don’t want to interrupt all of this marvelously melodious procrastinating, but I really do want to share him with the world via my phone. I promise to order if you can make it so!

  35. The picture in the extra grave for all needs something….like a weird ass apron….no not literally an ass, … oh never mind

  36. The cover for the children’s book…too funny and cute! Still chuckling.
    And that was the most relaxing thing I’ve ever seen too.

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