Zazzle thinks I’m some sort of serial killer.

me: I wanted to make something new for my shop but all I’ve come up with is a shirt that says “This is where I keep my nipples.

Victor:  Hmm. How about “My meemaw can kick your meemaw’s ass.

me:  Maybe.

Victor: What about a shirt that says “My other shirt has diarrhea on it”?

me:  Ooh! And then you get your partner to wear a second shirt and that other shirt just says “Diarrhea.”

Victor:  Um…I think you’ve gone too far.

me: No, it’s like having matching outfits, but less lame. And with more diarrhea.


Victor:  That’s too much diarrhea.

me:  Can you really ever have too much diarrhea?

Victor:  Yes. Yes, you can.

I decided to just put all of these ideas up for sell and zazzle was like “Hey!  Check out your designs on other products!” and I was like, “I don’t think that’s a good idea” and Zazzle was like, “YOU SHOULD TOTALLY DO IT.”


You’re making it weird, Zazzle.


And now, the weekly wrap-up of awesomeness:

Sketch by Ray Friesen
(Sketch by Ray Friesen)

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Caitlin Sweet’s new book THE DOOR IN THE MOUNTAIN

“We are all monsters . . .”   Lost in time, shrouded in dark myths of blood and magic, The Door in the Mountain leads to the world of ancient Crete: a place where a beautiful, bitter young princess named Ariadne schemes to imprison her godmarked half-brother deep in the heart of a mountain maze, where a boy named Icarus tries, and fails, to fly—and where a slave girl changes the paths of all their lives forever.  If you like awesome Greek mythology then you should check it out here.

63 thoughts on “Zazzle thinks I’m some sort of serial killer.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Desperately want the “nipples” shirt! Make it so! Request: The wording needs to be somewhere around belly button. Because kids.

  2. Drinking coffee from a mug marked with the word “diarrhea” actually totally appeals to my twisted, disgusting sense of humor. Not even joking.

  3. What kind of serial killer keeps his victims’ diarrhea in a mug (never mind the other thing)? Wait, no I don’t wanna know.

    The mugs, I must admit, would be a great way to prevent people from drinking out of your cup. Or if you wanted to never again have to waste time socialising with you coworkers.

  4. My housemate really wants the coffee mug that says “This is where I keep my nipples”. I guess, if we’re exchanging gifts…….

  5. I bought a few gifts from your zazzle shop for my friends. Although, one I had to get a refund because the way it looked in the picture wasn’t quite what I got. =( Zazzle was fast about refunding me.

    (Which one? I try to buy samples every month to make sure they’re printed right but every once in awhile I have to resize it. Thx! ~ Jenny)

  6. At first I thought the word “diarrhea” was on the back of the shirt. So you could make a shirt that says, “I have diarrhea on my back.” and then flip it over and voila! “Diarrhea.” That’s kind of a stupid idea. But at least it’s classy.

    And all I can think about, seeing that guy in that shirt, is two young women talking, saying, “Hey Bren, check out that hot guy in the diarrhea shirt.” “Mmmm. Scrumptious.”

  7. I’m reading this in bed laughing. My husband asked what was so funny. He’s not laughing. Clearly I’m the weird one.

  8. It’s sad to say, but if I got a t-shirt or mug with “Diarrhea,” people who know me wouldn’t bat an eye. This post has me laughing out loud, or it could be the three glasses of wine I just downed. Cheers! 🙂

  9. It’s all very funny , until someone shits the bed. Diarrhea everywhere. Party over.

  10. OK, Jenny, is it just me, or do you have a bit of an obsession with the concept (not the actuality, mind you, but the concept) of diarrhea? I mean, between this and the whole “I HAVE DIARRHEA! AND AIDS!” bit, which gave you the opportunity to scream “I HAVE DIARRHEA!” in bookstores across America (and which I’m sorry I missed, because I hadn’t discovered you before then, but the next time you’re in Boston, I promise to bring you lots of yummy chocolate things and take good care of you; plus, my friend Laurie and her then-baby son Xander met you, and she spoke highly of you, so I know you rock)…I mean, I’m starting to get a little worried about you right about now…

    (Your thoughts, no doubt, are along the lines of “Who is this crazy person and why is she posted in my comments section?” and “Um, you’re only just NOW getting worried? Where the hell have you BEEN?!?”)

    Anyway, I just wanted to say that, while I don’t think I can actually bring myself to drink out of a mug that says “Diarrhea” on it, the concept did at least make me laugh my ass off, which, considering my current state of nursing a busted-up knee (don’t ever fall down the steps of a Green Line subway train, guys; there are definitely better ways to meet people, even though everyone who had to take care of me, from the paramedics to the firemen to the T employee to the high school kids who looked after me until everyone else showed up were all very sweet), I really really needed, so thanks. 🙂

  11. True story: My ex-stepmother had a habit of pretending people no longer existed after they did some minor imaginary shit to her. My father would refer to this as “Judy killing people”. My brother & my sister-in-law were driving with my niece to visit dad & Judy and we’re talking about how Judy had just killed me and killed her own sister,brother and daughter previously. Sometime after the trip my then 10 year old niece went to her father with the inevitable question:
    “dad, is grandma Judy a serial killer?”
    So it’s easier to be mistaken for a serial killer than one might think.
    Just heard this story at thanksgiving, where it was also brought up that Judy had killed my sister Karen multiple times but Karen refused to stay dead
    So apparently I have a serial killer in the family and she created a zombie
    Which makes my family even more fucked up than I thought and that’s saying something

  12. I would love to drink my extra chocolate hot chocolate in a diarrhea mug. It would help keep my kids from taking sips!

  13. I have an idea for a shirt. Please use it so I can buy the shirt and wear it. Shirt should read “Dry thoroughly before putting away”

  14. If you’re going to have diarrhoea on your shirt you need the right colour scheme. It also needs to be a free flowing style too.

  15. Having recently been made pretty ill by some Costco beef containing maggots, me and the bf could do with those t-shirts.

  16. Victor thinks YOU went to far?
    Can The Bloggess EVER go too far?
    Now that’s a question to pose to your legion of readers, Jenny…

  17. Diahrrea . . . only the strong survive.
    Diahrrea . . . it’s not for everyone.

    There you go. A few more ideas for you!

  18. Thank you, you’ve made this 44 year old man starting chanting “Uh uh, diarrhea! Uh uh, diarrhea!” in my head. It’s a good way to have fun on a Monday.

  19. You saved me today. I’ve been living in a black hole for over a week now, just existing. You know the place. But this morning I sat down to review “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened.” I’d already read it, but it’s our book group selection for the month, and the meeting is tonight. Thought I’d better refresh my memory.

    I laughed so hard I almost choked on my toast. Out loud, table pounding, tears (maybe a little snot) streaming laughter. I am mentally twenty pounds lighter, and I owe it all to you.

    The black hole is still twining around my ankle like a hungry cat, but I’m not inside it and I feel like I can breathe. And kick some ass. Thank you.

  20. I love all of these eccentric items but I can’t help but wonder how many of these images will filter through our brains (OK, my brain) and show up as odd dreams. Looking forward to seeing the creepy unicorn drink from a diarrhea mug tonight. Thanks Jenny! (That’s not an annoyed, bitchy “thanks” but sincere one because you make my life more interesting.)

  21. The “diarrhea” cup is gross, but immediately followed by the “Shit I Did…” tag is funny. I’m seriously considering the nipples cup – that’d be a hell of an ice-breaker (or maybe intimidation as hell). Either way, I kind of think I need it sitting on my desk.

  22. I’m sorry, but why is that unicorn sweatshirt on Amazon 63 freaking dollars? I just can’t bring myself to pay $63 dollars to freak myself out whenever I see my attire. It would only be worse if it was on a model that was also a clown.

  23. Awww . . .Victor bought you a book in a bookstore? And that’s how you met? I LOVE that story. That makes up for anything else he’s ever done, right? 🙂

  24. I can not hear the word Diarrhea without thinking or saying CHA CHA CHA! Anyone who watched Beavis and Butthead will get it.

  25. I LOVE those models. I have the Black Pearl and the Golden Hind chasing each other across the living room shelves. I want the gold plated Golden Gate Bridge, and the castles, and all the Star Wars and Star Trek ones too.

  26. “Party horns!” So that’s what they’re called. When my daughter was tiny she called them Blower-Come-Backers. It stuck.

    “This is where I keep my nipples” makes me want to tell you this story shared by a mom at a Nursing Mothers of Raleigh meeting thirty years ago (only because it involves nipples, not the storing thereof). She was getting ready to take her first trip after the birth of her child and asked the doctor for any advice he might impart. He responded that she should boil her nipples often. Every woman in the room did what did just now—clapped both hands firmly over her breasts and cringed.

    I miss Carl Sagan all over again.Thank you for the lovely video.

  27. I have to add that you should also offer sweatpants with Diarrhea written across the butt (like the ones with Juicy, etc.).

  28. Perhaps they should spend more time on their ability to ship products they currently offer instead of pushing for more items. The items ordered through your store has become this years christmas ‘adventure’.

  29. I am sure that isn’t how you spell it…it’s Died In A Rolls Royce Having Over Eaten Again, isn’t it?
    DIARRHOEA….That’s how its spelled in English in Tanzania. Bye bye. x j

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