This might be a weirdly inappropriate Valentine or I might be reading too much into this.

in Random Crap

I found this vintage Valentine at a garage sale and I couldn’t stop looking at it because it seems weirdly and inappropriately sexual.   The woman running the garage sale disagreed with my assessment so I’m sharing it here so you can see if you’re as messed up as I am:

"YOU CAN'T PUT OUT THE 'FIRE' IN MY HEART."
“YOU CAN’T PUT OUT THE ‘FIRE’ IN MY HEART FOR YOU.”

1.  Look at this girl’s feet.  She’s straddling a flaming bucket labeled “MY VALENTINE.”  Her vagina is literally on fire here.  That’s not healthy or appropriate.

2.  Why is she even burning valentines?  Was it an accident?  Does she like arson?  Is this how she lures firemen to her home?  So many questions.

3.  Sometimes a hose is not a hose.  Also, you’re not even aiming at the fire, sir.  It’s like you’ve never even had fire training.

4.  The hose seems to have a mind of its own and is spraying everywhere.  The entire place is a wet spot.  Plus, why does she look so excited that she’s about to get soaked?  Her only expression seems to be “AWESOME.  But not in my hair.”

5.  That hose isn’t even attached to anything.   It just winds back into the guy.  And the guy is like, “LOOK AT MY MAGNIFICENT HOSE” and the girl is all, “THAT HOSE IS SPECTACULAR.”   In fact, they’re both so “THIS HOSE IS EVERYTHING” that they are entirely distracted from the impending inferno and smell of burnt gingham.  I suspect this valentine was drawn by a man.

6.  Why is “fire” in quotes?  That’s not how quotes work.

7.  I realize it’s a cartoon, but that’s some mighty spermy looking water.

Conclusion:  This is the most subliminally sexual valentine I’ve ever seen in my life.  Or possibly it’s just me and I need to get my head out of the gutter.  Also, I just noticed that the boy’s hose is pointing to the words “PUT OUT”.  Yeah.  My work is done here.

406 thoughts on “This might be a weirdly inappropriate Valentine or I might be reading too much into this.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Actually, I think your reading is probably right. Our grandparents were racier than we give them credit for. They just didn’t talk about it. But yeah. I wouldn’t send it to my girlfriend.

  3. If you didn’t see anything inappropriate in that I think then I’d worry about your mind

  4. At first sight, thought it was just silly, but then I saw the drops and read your comments. Can Not Un-See now

  5. Omg this is so overtly sexual, and the person at the garage sale with whom you argued about this was obviously wrong. Holy moly that is the best thing I’ve seen all week. “Awesome…but not in my hair” LOL

  7. its SO not just you. Also I laughed too hard at “just not in my hair”. My coworkers want to see what I’m laughing at and I’m all NO!

  8. The first thing I noticed was the fire-vagina.. I didn’t even notice the penis-hose until after I’d stopped wondering why her vagina was so angry that it was on fire..

  9. Oh there are no words (mainly because you have said them all). Dying that the lady selling it saw none of the innuendo. You got me at the hose winding to nowhere but him 😀 hahahaha!

  12. You’re right on (as usual) – my mind – and that of a friend of mine – would head directly to the same conclusions.

  14. Wow. Definitely sexual! You made some pretty valid points. How can anyone not see that? Sure it is supposed to be innocent… but there were a lot of “read between the lines” aspects about those decades. The first thing I noticed was the spermy hose… haha! And also the fact that she was all spread eagle on the bucket. Like really.

  15. Yep. Somebody at Hallmark (or wherever) is either sick and sneaky (like Disney animators!) or blind and clueless. Either way, excellent find!

  18. Probably designed by a lecherous old man trapped in mid-century Hallmark. I’ll bet there are a treasure trove of innuendo laced valentines from that era.

  19. This valentine is phenomenal and probably drawn by someone who has never smelled what a burning dress stinks like.

  25. I agree with Earthandink! One time I heard my husband’s 84 year old grandmother singing a raunche old sailor song! She was skipping the dirty parts but my parents were sailors and I had heard that song before. That card is layered in innuendo, and it’s not very subtle either!

  26. Nope. Not just you. First thing I noticed was the fire placement and then spermy-looking water droplets. That was one suppressed artist getting away with something, there.

  28. If you can’t describe something in words then draw a picture of what you mean. I think you are right, the meaning is clear.

  30. This is amazing. My question is, why isn’t there a line of subtly inappropriate Valentine’s Day cards? Because I totally want one now.

  31. Garage sale lady is no doubt a sweet and innocent soul, but you are not wrong.
    Also, I hope I never have occasion to use the phrase “that’s some mighty spermy looking water.”

  33. And you even left out the part that they both look to be about 8 years old! So not only weirdly inappropriate. Disturbing. Possibly grounds for calling DSS.

  34. Gah! I hadn’t even read your comments but only had looked at the photo and I immediately felt uncomfortable with such overtly sexual images connected to children. Fire crotch and squirting hose. It’s almost TOO obvious. Happy Valentine’s Day perverts!

  36. Yes, it looks pretty sexual to me and kind of disturbing, but not in a good way…I would bet money that a man drew this, because that hose is WAAYY too long…

  38. Whether it was the intent to be subliminally sexual or not, it certainly looks that way to me too. Those quotes just beg for you to look for an alternate meaning to that phrase.

  39. I think they should also put “heart” in quotes because that way it really means vagina.

  41. I don’t think there’s anything “subliminal” about this. You’re spot on, my friend.

  45. You bought it, though, right? Please say you bought it! I will buy if from you at triple the price you paid as long as it isn’t over a dollar. Things like this should be preserved for future generations.

  46. All I can think of is, if her vagina feels like it’s on fire, they should not be having sex. That’s how STDs are spread.

  47. Yeah, but can you imagine if the hose WAS pointing at the fire?! THAT would leave no question.

  48. Also…little Mr. Fireman’s hat is ridiculously big and the round part very shiny and bulbous…..

  49. ” It just winds back into the guy. ” => That just made me almost choke on my sandwich. “Choke” on my “sandwich”. The person who drew that card probably learned that everything sounds dirty if you put it in quotes.

  52. Okay, is it just me or is that ridiculously-large fire helmet actually scrotum-shaped?

  56. I can just picture that look the garage sale lady had as she disagreed with you. I get that look often.

  57. “Mighty spermy looking water” is officially the most un-sexy thing I’ve read on the Internet recently. And I accidentally read a passage from ’50 Shades of Grey’ last night.

  60. that is some of the best social / art criticism i’ve ever read. spot on. i would totally frame that valentine if i were you.

  69. Yeah, what @Keiran said (#16). Plus? Jenny, I’d really love you to add “like” buttons to comments, is that possible? Of course, if you did, I’d spend my entire day “liking” the comments because you get SO MANY good ones!!

  70. I feel bad for the girl, because it’s obvious that she’s going to get no relief from her flaming vagina since that small boy can only hold so much “water” and he’s squirting it all willy-nilly everywhere.

    What an uncomfortable Valentine.

  71. Seeing the “FIRE” made me think of the episode of Friends where Joey didn’t understand how to use air quotes. Maybe this card was designed by a “Joey”. See what I did there?

  73. GAH! Victorians not Victorian’s…. I’m blaming my possessive on my whining dog and Friday the 13th.
    Oh hell. I may as well include my link again…

  74. Let’s be honest here. We’ll call this subliminal-ish. Not drawn by just any man. Drawn by that very special dude in town who volunteers to be Santa every year because he figures it’s easier than Tinder. You know who I mean.

  75. Also, what’s with the feather in his hat? Since when did firefighters place a feather in their hat? I don’t even think feathers are flame retardent? Maybe he’s channeling his inner Yankee-Doodle…but if your “hose” resembles macaroni in ANY way, it’s not starting OR putting out any fires for me.

  76. Now I wish I had all my grade school Valentine cards. That’s what I get for throwing shit away.

  77. OMG yes! All of those things! Had ya covered on the WHY IS HER VAGINA ON FIRE before I read the first word. Then all I could do was slap the desk and sound like a barking seal I was laughing so hard.
    I heart you for Valentines ~ muah 🙂

  78. Let’s be honest here. Subliminal-ish. And not drawn by just any man. It’s by that dude in town who volunteers to be Santa every year because it’s easier than Tinder for hooking up. You know the dude I’m talking about.

  79. This may be the most hilarious (and enlightening) post I have ever read. Gives me an idea for a new party game — analyze the deviant valentine. HAHAHAHAHA!

  80. Also, he’s appears to have a little Captain (Morgan) in him. He’s drunk and looking to score.

  83. I think that’s exactly what it’s about! Too funny! Not so prude after all back then, they just hid the smut better I guess!

  84. I have been posting vintage valentines to my Instagram all week. Totally agree they are either horrible inappropriate, include terrible puns or the joke is really just a stretch. Whatever happened to a good old fashioned “I like your outfit. Do me.”
    It’s a classic!

  85. You’re NOT crazy!! This valentine has sex drawn all over it!! I would’ve died laughing at the garage sale, and laughed en harder when the lady didnt understand why!!

  88. Have to say I think you’re right. My grandmother also used to say there might be snow on the roof, but there is fire underneath.

  89. Even back then someone thought steaming a vagina was a good thing? Everything about this is wrong. Wonderfully wrong, but that guy selling it to you is in serious denial. Now the thrifter in me wants to know how much you paid for it?

  90. Oh, it’s definitely sexual. And it’s not even subtle. And may I say, I’m impressed by the way your mind notices every filthy element.

  95. I first thought of an episode of Friends, the one where the girls get together on Valentines day. They start burning ex-boyfriends things in a trash can in the apartment. Then someone throws liquor in the fire and it gets bigger and they have to call the fire dept. to put it out.
    I also totally see everything you pointed out, especially the fire vagina. Maybe the girl was doing a hoodoo curse and it backfired, exploding and catching her vagina on fire! The fireman fell in love at first sight and couldn’t contain his “hose”!

  98. I took one look at the valentine and started hysterically laughing. I’m either as messed up as you are or we have been exposed to way too many subliminal sexual messages in our lifetime. But even way back in the fifties I think people would have thought this valentine was messed up!

  100. You always make me laugh so hard….I love your sense of humor!!! I hope you will write another book soon….I laughed so hard I cried several times.

  103. Am I the only one who thinks the fire hat looks like a vulva with an inflamed clitoris?

  104. Spermy water. It’s what’s for dinner. And she looks like she wants it. Burning vagina is better than steaming, right Gwyneth?

  105. My mom says inappropriate was mostly subliminal back then so that you could pretend to be virtuous and not see it, like how June Cleaver used to complain to Ward about how hard he was on the beaver last night and all the kids would pass knowing glances that mom & dad couldn’t see. But it’s there. Holy fuckballs, is it ever there. Also, evidently the internet is full of weirdly inappropriate vintage valentines: http://goo.gl/dnwbMo

  107. “Weirdly” being the operative word in weirdly sexual. Yup. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but sometimes a hose is a big ass penis too.

  113. I hadn’t even scrolled down past the the spermy looking hose ejaculate before I was already on your side. And hello, let’s not forget the whole “little man in the helmet” element.

  114. Yeah, I didn’t even have to scroll past the sperm-y looking hose ejaculate to decide it was very, very inappropriate. And let’s not forget the “little man in the helmet” aspect.

  116. Ain’t nothin’ subliminal there. It’s IN YOUR FACE (well, ON it, in the case!

    Reminds me of the old cartoon the Wonder Twins. Remember them? He always transformed into some kind of liquid and she transformed into some kind of receptacle (like a bucket). And, I they were brother & sister. 😳

    Now, how messed up is my mind!

  122. The mere fact that you used the term “wet spot” made my entire day.
    Thanks, Jenny!!!

  124. Good job pointing out the incorrect use of quotes. But you should correct your incorrect use of it’s. There is no apostrophe for the possessive form of it, only as a contraction of it is.

  125. Did you notice that his (HIS!) hat is a big shiny juicy red cherry? Which makes sense, since he seems to be the one who is so excited he can’t get his hose to the fire without spraying all over himself. Bahaha.

  127. Inappropriately hilarious! But of course she is on fire. She is a redhead and, hence, a fire crotch.

  128. There’s something not quite right about his “Fire” helmet. Fiery Crotch is something that should only be applied to natural red heads, not actual fires or burning sensations.

  130. No, you’re not wrong at all. Especially about the water, that was the first thing I noticed. I wonder if the fire-vagina is a reference to the red in her hair…

  133. Yep you are all messed up. It is a childs valentine and a child would not see it like an adult. Stop perverting childrens stuff.

  135. Scrolling down, I first saw just the text and the top of the hose + “water” droplets, and thought “Yeah, looks like innuendo to me, but might not to someone more innocent”. Then I scrolled down and saw the fire in her crotch, and it was case closed: This is definitely about sex. Anf you have further good points.
    If it wasn’t deliberately meant to imply sweaty horny sex, then whoever made really needed to see a therapist post haste. That level of suppression isn’t healthy.

  137. “Mom’s cackling again!” cue sound of stampeding feet towards me

    Thanks, Jenny. Cause explaining a child’s Valentine laden w/sexual overtones is JUST what I wanted to do this morning. Before coffee.

    But I’m giggling anyways.

  145. Valentines Day can be a deeply spiritual Holiday. The fire Comes once hatred, envy, and jelousy is weeded out in our heart. Nature’s energy streams through our prism souls and radiates outward, connecting with our “Soul mates”. Since this is a fire harmonized in God and Nature, it never goes out.

  147. My sister uses quotation marks like this and it DRIES ME UP THE FUCKING WALL. Oh yeah, this little girl’s vagina is definitely on fire. O.o

  152. Earlier today I was trying to find some info on the history of the heart mark to share with my son’s 3rd grade Valentine’s Party today, one article I came across said the heart mark was actually a shape to represent the vagina and/or men’s testicles. If that is the case than this fireman is spurting out of the vagina, or in front of a very large one or they are his testicles

  153. Typically my mind stays away from the gutter, so I hope that gives you a reference for how right you are because even MY brain went there 😉

  162. Quotation marks around any sort of metaphor used to be rather common (’50’s seems a bit late for it though).

    I think…

  165. Clearly his ‘hose’ is coming right out of his shorts and she’s on fire for it. Anyone who doesn’t see both the subliminal and overt sexuality is probably an Amish virgin. Also I want to send that card to someone. #HotPants

  167. “Awesome. But not in my hair” should be the next card you make, Jenny. My husband would love it. Thanks for the laughs!

  168. Whoa; I find that whole card just… definitely NOT subliminal. O_O

    All I keep seeing is that look you’d get from anyone from that era. Over the glasses on the end of their nose… “Really, my dear, where IS your mind? That’s just a sweet old-fashioned Valentine’s Day card!”

    What the heck, Victorians?? ew

  170. This is absolutely THE best critical assessment of Eisenhower Era Porn I have ever read.

  173. That is not subtle at all. Maybe it was subtle in the 50’s…but I doubt it.
    And why does she have a bucket labeled “My Valentine” Is she a serial killer and that is where she keeps the hearts…

  179. That little fireman definitely is not very much in control of his hose, if you know what I mean…

  182. I agree with the comment about our grandparents being much more sexual and sneaky than we often imagine! My grandmother still sings disturbingly sexual songs at family gatherings, and likes to plant kisses right on the lips of any unsuspecting partners I bring to family gatherings. She would love this card! I hope you bought it! Happy Valentines Day to all my favorite pervs and the previous generations that paved the way!

  184. This card is full of so many dirty things. How could not see it is full of sexual innuendos?! I’m sharing this for sure!

  186. First, I adore you, as usual. Second, specifically regarding your bullet point #3: had the hose actually been pointed toward the offending fire, there would have been no innuendo.

  189. Lol! I’ve got tears running down my face, so funny!
    Labia hat, drippy hose, fire crotch. “Awesome, just not in my hair!” I can’t add a thing, y’all have already expertly analyzed this Valentine and declared it NSFW, or NSFChildren
    I’m just here to confess my ignorance to the Gwyneth reference, this bit of celebrity gossip seems to have escaped my notice. I’m off to sully my search engine history in search of Gwyneth’s steamed vagina.

  191. Wow, the girl’s loins are literally on fire for the guy and his hose. There is about 50 shades of innuendo on this card.

  197. OMG, you guys are literally dissecting this too much!! It’s a CHILD’S card and I’m sure they don’t see what all the perverts are seeing!!!!

  200. This group of degenerates on here is completely awesome! I love all of you guys!

    Nothing to add from my degenerate mind. Happy “V” Day everyone, whether it’s on fire or not!

  201. When I was a kid, all the Valentine’s for 3rd and 4th grade were like this. We were too young to get the innuendo, but I’m sure the artist had a great chuckle.

  202. I agree on all counts. The fire is not in her heart. The fire is in her CROTCH. Get thee to a urologist.

    Best post in a while, and not because recent posts have been bad. This was hilarious.

  204. This IS sex on paper. It is so good. That big long hose squirting randomly shows how happy the little fireman is to see his hot valentine. I just hope the fire between her legs is all about desire and not a result of an STI from the little fire boy 🙂

  208. I think it is a sad statement on my state of mind this V day but the bit I’m most concerned with is “fire” in quotation marks. Really poor editing. 🙂

  211. You, Jenny, are simply incredibly perceptive and have superior observational skills. You go, Girl.

  212. Don’t even get me started on all the inappropriate butt shots in Disney animation movies of old!

  213. Headline on the card would be better as: You can’t put out the fire in my “heart” for you.

    Perhaps less appropriate overall but totally appropriate for the image. This card is hysterical either way and it’s totally sexual – looks like it was drawn by a hard-up, can’t-get-laid, nerdy illustrator or graphic artist.

  215. When I saw the link and couldn’t quite see anything but a small glimpse at the picture and didn’t read anything yet I saw it as pervy. WAY pervy. That garage sale lady is a lying liar trying to play innocent and argue with you that it’s not the dirtiest valentine LOL!!!!!!

  218. Yeah – I don’t think I even needed to read your post, except for that your words are always entertaining (and apparently in my head on this one!). So, so many things messed up here – TOTALLY messed up! The flaming vajayjay was the first thing I noticed, along with the euphoric expression on her face…

  219. I agree with the person on putting a “Like/Love” button next to the comments. I also agree I would be clicking love on most of the comments. The comments here always seem to at least being a smile to my face when I most need it. You are Awesome and so are your friends!

  220. But the hose IS attached. Look at where it seems to end. It is actually running up the young fireman’s leg, into his shorts, and… well, that hose clearly IS magnificent. Yup – there is just no other way to read a burning flame betwixt her legs, and the squirtilicious hose output. Looks like the squirts that were drawn on Freshen-Up gum, if any of y’all remember that. Thanks – best laugh of the day!

  222. I have GOT to stop reading your blog at work!! I work for a large, private, religiously-sponsored institution and people walk by while I’m hysterical and they want to know what I’m laughing at and I can’t possibly SHARE with them, so I try to make stuff up about it, but then they look over my shoulder and are all, like, “Oh my, that’s so wrong.” Which makes me laugh even harder, attracting even more innocent-minded folks who then begin questioning my morals, my ethics, my sense of humor, my taste-level…which I find even more amusing…and then I get a headache from laughing so hard and I have to go home. YOU ARE RUINING MY CAREER, JENNY.

  223. Why is it that the garage/yard sales I go to have dirty old clothes that you can not even begin to claim as vintage and broken lawn mower blades????

  227. God, I’m tired. I took one look at that picture and thought, “Holy crap, that’s hilarious! I should sent that to Jenny– just look at that, erm, ‘hose’ thing!” I’m not going to say how long it took me to figure out exactly why I’m an idiot.

    Fine, it was when I was putting in the URL.

    I need a nap.

  228. Rest assured you’re not the only one who sees inappropriate things here. Maybe this girl has been reading Gwyneth Paltrow’s bad advice about steaming her vagina and taking it a step further…?

  230. I’d be amiss if I didn’t mention the blatant stalking innuendo in his message. He’s all “Mwuahahaha! You can burn my love letters but I’ll just keep writing them!” in a very it-rubs-the-lotion-on-its-skin-or-else-it-gets-the-hose-again sort of creepiness. This kid is probably on some sort of watch list. And if he isn’t, well, he is now.

  233. I don’t see what is so inappropriate. Maybe some of you are just uptight. Sex is a natural beautiful thing shared between two human beings. Everything you describe is natural and unless there are youngins here, something we have all experienced. If this was in a childrens card section, then yes, inappropriate. But if it was geared towards adults who cares? I think it’s very creative!!

  235. I have this image of a kid giving this to a classmate in 1st grade and the faces of the parents of the recipient. That is the most sexual Valentine I’ve ever seen, and I’ve read a fair number of ‘adult’ cards!

  236. I’m oddly OK with the weird sexuality here. What I DO find disturbing, however, is the poor spatial reasoning. She’s clearly straddling that can – look at her right foot – and yet instead of the fire going right up her cooter, it’s in front of her dress. It’s like the laws of space and time have no meaning.

    Actually, now that I look again, there’s no evidence that she actually has a right leg at all – that might be just a shoe with a sock in it sitting there, and she’s just standing on her left unileg excitedly trying to keep her hair from getting all spermy. Yes, that makes more sense.

  245. All seven points, you are dead on! Thanks for the laughs! I always look forward to new posts, you never disappoint! Have a great weekend 🙂

  247. You’re dead on. My first thought, upon seeing the girl straddling the fire, was that she must have read Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP blog and was going for a “V-steam”.

  248. OMG!!! you have totally made my day! Thank you!!! SO need a good laugh. BTW you are absolutely correct!

  250. This card has so much sexual innuendo in it that I don’t even know where to start. I believe the lady you spoke with must have been legally blind, or horribly embarrassed that she was caught selling smut.

  253. Read your title, looked at the Valentine and then read your post. yep. That was the first thing I thought. A lot racier than 50 Shades.

  254. That is the funniest thing I have seen all day, and no you are not messed up. That card is all wrong in so many ways. Makes you wonder what else garage sale lady has hidden away…

  261. Come on. The chick has a fire bushland the dude is going to put it out with his jizz. Completely sexual and absolutely perfect for sharing.

  263. Yes, it’s inappropriate. I totally agree that the water looks “spermy.” I think it’s simply a matter of non-existent political correctness in earlier times. I also think anyone actually using that Valentine for its intended purposes would probably be a terrible person, changing times and attitudes notwithstanding.

  264. This makes me think of that song where the chorus says, “your sex is on fie.” It always makes me thinks they need antibiotics. Maybe they just need a fireman.

  265. *Fire. “Your sex is on fire.” Even autocorrect thinks flaming sex organs are bad ideas.

  266. Could you imagine the firestorm one could create if, just for shiggles, someone were to post that card on a feminists blog? Not that I am not a feminist, are am in any way anti-feminist- but there are a few slightly more militant about it than I am…and the reactions could be entertaining to say the least. The cartoon is entirely too “spermy” to be a kid’s Valentine for sure.

  267. So this card resurfaces the same week that 50 Shades is released – coincidence? I think not.

  268. It looks like a combination of bukake & some sort of STI – “hosing” the girl in the face & her vag on fire.
    Could be a reference to herpes; always something there to remind you.

  270. Yup, I see it too. Would like to think I’d have seen it on my own. Mostly just want to thank you for the muuuuuuch much needed larf today!

  274. You are right. Very, very right. The first thing I though before I read anything was, “Um, why is there a little boy masturbating on this Valentine?” And immediately after, “Why is that little girl’s vagina on fire? Ew!” So much yes to what you said. The lady at the garage sale needs her glasses fixed. Probably. Either that, or [self-edited; just too mean to write].

    And a generic Happy VD (nope, couldnt resist the card’s pseudo subliminal mesage of STDs) all y’all on the morrow…

  281. Back in my day it would NOT have had any sexual connotation at all. Even with all the euphemisms our parents used, there were none for such sexual concepts. Other than saying a woman was “with child”, sex was neither discussed or alluded to.

  289. I have been looking at vintage valentine’s today – and after you deconstructed this one – I think they are all on the inappropriate side …..but yours takes the cake! (preferably heart shaped).

  290. I had a laugh at this and thought about subscribing. But maybe you won’t let me. I worry about this after I read your “about the bloggers” because my email address and frequent online name is “FrustratedSue.” What can I say, I do genealogy as a hobby — there isn’t anything more frustrating as that hobby. So I took the name. Will you hate me forever?

    (Frustrated is fine. FUSTRATED is not. That first “r” makes all the difference. 🙂 ~ Jenny)

  294. Had the hose ACTUALLY been pointing at the fire – it would have been even more inappropriate!

  295. Well, I saw it,and immediately knew what you were going to say about it, so I either have a very dirty mind or I just know you very well. Maybe both.

  299. I think if you eliminate the innuendo and metaphors, then this card makes even less sense.
    Also, the phrase “You can’t put out the ‘fire’ in my heart for you,” sounds a bit stalkery, a la “There’s no restraining order strict enough to keep us apart.”

  301. The hat is very genital looking. My first thought was a labia/clitoris thing going on, but I can totally see scrotum/foreskin as well. It’s like those pictures where depending on how you look it it, you either see a vase or two faces looking at each other.

  303. Even before I read the post I thought ‘what the hell is going on with that hose?” And yeah it is pretty messed up. Agreed that it’s not just you.

  304. The sales lady was in serious denial. Also, this was my favorite line: “The entire place is a wet spot.” I think we can all assume there’s a fireman’s pole just behind her that she’s going to writhe upon when he’s done showcasing his, um, hose.

  305. I’m distracted trying to figure out how the girl’s visible leg connects up with the rest of her. If I project what the rest of her leg would look like, I can only get it to connect with her elbow. Either that, or she has a second knee under her foofy skirt to get it to meet up with the rest of her. And she doesn’t seem to have a second leg at all, just a foot lurking down near the flaming trashcan.

    I can only think of one thing that would improve this image. It needs to be on a cake.

  306. Most valentine’s are inappropriately sexual, because let’s face it a heart doesn’t look like a heart, it looks like a vulva.

    Still this one takes the cake.

  307. The children on this Valentine are like 3 years old. If you see sexuality with 3 year olds then I’m seriously worried about you.

  310. Totally inappropriate looked at thorough out modern lens. When it was done? I’m not sure the illustrator could have really articulated the thought. Was the artist pervy, or is it our lens that is pervy?

  318. Ain’t nothin’ subliminal there. It’s blatant. You’re correct on every point. AND fire also harkens ideas of passion in the bedroom. Nothing you want to associate with obviously kindergarten aged valentines!

  319. First thing I thought: fire in her underpants. Then: spoof hose. Then: Not my idea of romance.
    Hey here’s a belated Valentine for you Jenny, a heads up on something you might not hear about otherwise… but then you are The Bloggess of pinterest and the Interwebs so maybe you already have! http://whatwedointheshadows.com … hilarious bunch of misfits, and the end i actually think is INCREDIBLY ROMANTIC, although definitely in a non-traditional way.
    PS Please don’t send me to Wil Wheaton collating – I mean well.
    PPS Don’t get me wrong, I love Wil, just not collating. Unless that means something different from what I think it means.

  320. Whoa. Hope the kids weren’t exchanging those back then. That hat and the water are pretty overt, too. Thanks for sharing. That was fascinating.

  324. What a fabulously wonderful card. It reminds me of a picture I’ve seen in the dark heart of the internet of a young boy feeding a banana (no, a real one) to a girl. The overlaid caption is “That’s right, take it all, you nasty w_____”
    Oddly enough, that’s the line that sprang spontaneously to both my and my wife’s lips while watching the latest Godzilla movie, just as Big G uses his breath weapon on the female MUTO.
    So, we’ve got that going for us.

  325. probably drawn by one of those guys that used to illustrate cutie calendars! hilarious!

  326. Love this. This certainly puts the fun into Freud (ok, no ‘n’ – but who need an ‘n’ when you have an ‘F’).

  327. “Anonymous | February 13, 2015 at 7:38 pm
    Back in my day it would NOT have had any sexual connotation at all. Even with all the euphemisms our parents used, there were none for such sexual concepts. Other than saying a woman was “with child”, sex was neither discussed or alluded to.”

    No idea how old you are, but my gradparents would have found this card as equally funny! The British have always had an earthy sense of humor.

  328. A great deal of ridiculous commentary here. If someone thinks with the mindset of sex or sexuality, they will find it everywhere. One of the reasons people can not walk through the produce aisle of the local supermarket without blushing.

    Someone here please draw water in motion on a red background so that a child would recognize it as water in motion. The hose is pointing at “my”, not Put Out. It is a drawn image, and so nothing whatsoever is “literally on fire”. Fire is in inappropriately used quotations, yes, but it is likely done so no silly person would believe they mean to show a heart on fire “literally”.

    My only complaint about this valentine is the unsupervised fire-setting. This is no more sexual than any depiction in prepubescent arsonist valentines.

    People should blush at how much they spend on Valentine’s Day, not feigning umbrage here.

  329. I feel that your evaluation dismisses the innocence of earlier society, compared to the harsh and often brutal climate the sexes have been forced to examine. When graphics of any kind are mass marketed, they usually have some significance within the components of the art. I hardly feel that the phallicism you have immaturely expressed covers any story the artist may have attempted to represent. The image shows flame reaching the girls’ heart area. Your view of this flame is way too crotch oriented. Since when is a little boy acting out the herladry of saving someone from fire with a hose anything to do with his weiner, I ask you? Children sending these would only thik of putting out the fire to save their love, because they are innocent sweethearts. Stop worrying and, tantamount to this action- GROW UP. I mean, how awful a sentiment is this- “spermy looking water”. Think land mass and effect, incident and cultural expression. As an artist I really feel it is time to make people like you aware of childish interpretations like this, in the light of the attack on Paris cartoonists recently. SHAME.

  330. I see it too. But one more question. How old are those children in this cartoon? They are drawn, in my eyes, to look a lot to young for this kind of sexuality.

  335. I can’t tell if the angry comments are legitimate or sarcastic, but either way, they are hilarious and I thank you for your contribution.

  336. This made my sad lonely Valentine’s Day a bit easier to bare. I don’t know if anyone mentioned yet, but the raising of his leg looks sneakingly like a dog going to pee on the fire to put it out. Heaven knows that hose squirting into the air isn’t going to do it and that would better explain the pool of liquid at his feet.

  339. It’s obviously sexual. You’re right. The water coming out of that hose doesn’t look quite like water, and the whole construct is phallic. As for the girl, I assume she must dye her hair, apparently she’s a fire crotch. The artist got away with it because they look like kids. …Which is exactly the wrong reason to get away with making an overtly sexual valentine, if you think about it for half a second….

  341. Actually, if you look at a lot of those Valentines from the ’40s to the ’70s, seemingly meant for children, there’re a lot of innuendos in both words and art. Maybe the intent was to include a greater age range of the population in sales, or the card companies were full of sexually frustrated monks, who knows?

  343. Honestly, I think people read too much into everything anymore. Yeah, it’s a bit funky, but whatever. Ive seen the same one many years ago, and it doesn’t do much affect to me now, as it did not do one before. Times have proven how much people change, and how everything is so oddly disgusting or find a reason to complain about something. It gets old anymore.

  346. Advertising and apparently Valentines have had subliminal messages in them forever. This is not very subliminal. I saw exactly what you saw BEFORE I read your article.

  347. Also? That does not look like water being spurted there.
    Valentines cards that have ANY kind of spurting are probably crossing a line.
    So, do you think this is the ORIGNAL fire crotch and not Lindsay Lohan?

  348. It’s just all wrong because the fire is supposed to be in his heart and she’s supposed to be the one trying to put it out. So, not only is it highly inappropriate, it’s also just all messed up!

  349. Ok, Jenny. You are spot on in your analysis, though I must tell you that your mind is not in the gutter. It is in the sewer with the rest of us right where it belongs.

    Please tell me that you bought this and framed it? It belongs somewhere where people can see it and have conversations using terms like “spermy looking water.”

    My day is made.

  354. Actually, that is how quotes work. She doesn’t have a literal fire in her heart (it’s in her bucket), she has a figurative fire in her heart, hence the quotes. Everything else you said about the Valentine is absolutely correct. She’s got a raging fire between her legs!

  357. “Her vagina is literally on fire here. That’s not healthy or appropriate.”

    Depression-era Brazilian?

  359. So, as a psychologist, my concern lies with the card’s author. Did he think he was subtly working in some sexual images on an unsuspecting public? Or was this poor man’s sexuality so repressed that he created this card without conscious intent of implying this man-child could put out the fire in the girl-child’s loins with his sperm hose? The world may never know.

  360. This valentine has male disposability written all over it. Men teach women and men how to treat them. This cartoonist is perpetuating the gynocentric myth that men are bumbling fools compared to the superior vaginal worship that this ridiculous consumer holiday perpetuates. Look at how you all eat it up. You immediately go to in to ad-hom attacks on the cartoonists creepiness. You lemmings deserve to fall off the cliff.

  362. You called it. In fact, you called even more than I recognized. I’m going to have to go back to Dirty-Little-Mind class . . .

  364. The cartoonist of the teens, 20’s, 30’s and 40’s were notoriously naughty with their hidden pictures and subliminal innuendos They were very inspired by the Hollywood Hayes code and other forms of censorship.Most people just didn’t notice.

  369. that Valentine deserves a frame and a place on the wall.
    And p.s., I’m having my first-ever giveaway over at my blog, and unfortunately it’s not a burning bush Valentine, but it does sort of link back to the whole firehose thing. In the loosest possible way.

  370. Definitely loaded with sexual innuendo, but nothing is as disturbing as the vintage valentine I came across here…http://teewallpapers.net/vintage-valentines-day-cards-archives-arrow-in-the-eye-2015 Holy Crap! I am horrified.

  371. Um, yeah. Her crotch is on fire and he’s about to put it out with his hose. Not much subtlety there! P.S.-I totally didn’t notice how spermy the water was until you pointed it out. Good eye!

  372. Completely agree with everything. That the hose is not connected to anything is especially disturbing!

  377. I have never seen such a sexual cartoon in my life; if this ever gets out, The Simpsons, Family Guy, and the rest will be given a run for their money!

  378. Hey little girl, grab his hose (did I just say that?), aim at the base of the fire, and use a sweeping motion. Put that damn fire out, and leave his ass. Just saying. That is just a weird valentine!

  380. I printed this out and gave it to my firefighter husband. It got a better response than the Reese Hearts I got him!

  382. Speaking of Family Guy, Peter Griffin. Peter is sland for what? His chin and lower lips is shaped like male anatomy. Does anyone imagine this is an accident? I’m convinced that cartoonists are responsible for most of the “art” drawn on men’s room walls.

  384. Too too funny… I believe your interpretation is spot on. Pervy, but hilarious! I’d love to give this to my husband. He’d laugh for a week. Heck, he’d probably take it to work and display it proudly at his desk. His coworkers would get a super kick out of it too!

  385. You didn’t say anything about his massive red helmet! (There’s a hashtag and a half)

  390. Jenny, you totally missed that his fireman hat is shaped like the head of a penis. If there is something wrong with you, then there is something much wronger with me. Which seems pretty likely, actually.

  392. I agree with you. It is extremely inappropriate. Every little detail is disturbing, especially since those are two rather young children on the card. The whole thing is like a study in sexual innuendo and Freudian slips.

  393. This is hilarious…even more so because I think I got this card. Seriously. No wonder I’m so messed up. I thought it was the Disney Princess Conspiracy, but now I can add childhood Valentine’s cards to being a mess. Great. Thank God this Hallmark Holiday is over.

  394. At this point it is not even innuendo. But yes i would send this card for my Valentine. And no it is not inapropriate. It is rather right on spot.

  396. Ok, you’re not alone at all. Before I even had a chance to read your article I thought, “what a pervy Valentine”. And you didn’t even discuss the fact that they look like little kids. That boy is way too young to be spraying girls with giz for Valentine’s Day.

  397. sex was around back then they just had to disguise it in goofy cartoons so no one would recognize innuendos except probably MEN…they probably understood it. Yep, I’m sure of it. I think cavemen drew pictures of sex on walls with droppings from some type of birds. Yep, I’m sure of it.

  399. clearly that garage sale gal has never been in the 9th row at a jonas brothers concert. not only did they all wear purity rings but they FOAMED the crowd. mostly little gals and their moms and aunties. at least in the 9th row. BE MINE JOE JONAS! here’s a picture us at your concert at the STATE FAIR!

  402. Nope, you are not alone. This valentine makes no sense unless you read it sexually. And then it becomes completely inappropriate. And pretty disturbing as well.

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