When this year started my only goal was to survive it. I was still struggling with finishing Furiously Happy and was terrified you’d hate it. I was scared of the book tour and I was certain I’d end up in the hospital again. I was afraid that Hailey and Victor would miss me too much while I was gone, or worse, not miss me at all. I was afraid that I’d lose everyone when I fell into the darkness or hid away or couldn’t reply to emails or texts for a month because my head went a little sideways.
But none of that happened. I finished the book that I’d said for years I couldn’t finish. I traveled to 20+ cities and met amazing people who hid with me under tables and cried with me and laughed with me. I read my deepest secrets to them and they understood, and that very book I was afraid would drive people away is still clinging onto the best-seller list 3 months later. I spent all my free time at home with my family and people continued to come here even though I was a little absent. I shared the strange drawings I make in hotel rooms when I’m afraid to leave and found that people liked them, which was a wonderful gift I wouldn’t have found if I wasn’t the type of person who gets stuck in hotels. I tried harder this year. I failed a lot but I found that my failures were less visible to others than I thought. And I succeeded too, but not in the ways other people might recognize. I succeeded because this year showed me a little more that it’s okay to be broken because people will wait for you. People are kind. People are good. And I’m people, so I guess that means I’m good too. Or at least, better than the terrified and doubting girl I was at the beginning of the year. I’m still terrified and doubting, but less so, and so much of that is due to you.
Thank you for this year. Thank you for being there through the good and the bad. Thank you for all of it. I wish you all a happy new year.
PS. I made this for you: