I can’t.

Ugh.  Just.  No.

This morning Victor woke me up and took me to coffee because he wanted to break the news to me that Alan Rickman had died.  And then I cried so hard that he decided to go through the drive-through and the cashier at Starbucks looked at me like, “Should I call the police?” and Victor was like, “She’s just upset because you don’t offer snozzberry tea anymore” and then she got flustered and left.  And I laughed.  A little.

It feels incredibly stupid to cry over a man I never met.  I cried a bit when Bowie died because he inspired me to be weird.  I cried a bit when Philip Seymour-Hoffman died for the same reason.  I cried when River Phoenix died because it’s when we became mortal.  I cried with Eartha Kitt died because her music was the soundtrack to much of my life.  I cried when Robin Williams died because I was proud that he’d lasted so long and brought joy out of sadness and insanity, but also because so many of us saw ourselves in him.  But I’m crying over Alan Rickman for the same reason I cried when we lost Ray Bradbury.  Because I never got to tell him how much his work meant to me.  It was obvious if you read here.  He’s mentioned in my books.  He’s always on my list of “people I’d invite to my dream dinner party” and I once wrote an entire post about you could divide the world into people who utterly adore Alan Rickman and people who are total fucking liars.

But I never told him.

Not that it would matter.  He didn’t know me and he already knew he was beloved, and me saying it would only be one more time he’d have to graciously say, “Thank you, dear,” but I’m sad that now I’ll never have that chance.  And it makes me think of all the other people who touched me and changed me and who I never said “thank you” to.  So I’m starting now.  Thank you.  To you.  For being there.  For inspiring me.  For making it easier for me to be me.  For forgiving me when I fuck up and helping me forgive myself.  Thank you for sitting beside me when I panic in empty hotel rooms.  Thank you for making me laugh so hard it makes me want to be funnier myself.  Thank you for pushing me too hard and for having my back both when I failed and when I succeeded.  Thank you for letters and comments and kind words and irreverence and honesty.  Thank you for shaping me.  This thank you is for my family, and friends, and readers, and idols,  and all those out there who have no idea how much they changed my life….made my life.  I will never be able to go back and thank those who are gone, but I suspect they would be proud to know they inspired me to tell those who are still here how much they’ve done and how incredibly important they are to me.  I love you and I’m so grateful you are alive. Thank you for everything you have done, not just for me, but for the world.  You don’t know the impact you have had.  But at least I told you.

-Alan-Rickman-severus-snape-29736803-500-526

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:sniff:  Jesus.  YES, PLEASE.

PS.  Victor just pointed out that I’d included Rickman in my 2009 list of “men we think are incredibly sexy but that our husbands don’t understand”.  Also included in that list were Bowie as the Goblin King and Philip Seymour Hoffman.  I’m starting to suspect Victor is taking them all out, one by one.  Lock your doors and look both ways when crossing the street, Neil Gaiman, Prince and Eddie Izzard.  I can’t stand to lose any more of you.

618 thoughts on “I can’t.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Yes, incredibly sexy. I would put Donald Sutherland (not his loin-fruit – the original) about at the same level. And no – men don’t understand.

  2. He was truly a brilliant actor and that was beyond the HP series. Bowie, Rickman, and we know these things happen in 3s. Has someone checked on Betty White?

  3. Same here – I’ve been bawling all morning like he was my nearest and dearest. He’s the third celebrity I’ve sincerely boo-hooed over; first Johnny Carson, then Robin Williams, and now my beloved Alan Rickman. I always hoped to marry him someday.

  4. Thank YOU, Jenny, for what you do. In case I never told you. You allowed me to help a friend. You inadvertently helped me get my gallbladder diagnosed. You’ve helped me understand my husband a little better. You’ve helped me feel less alone. You’ve helped a lot of people.

  5. Well said Jenny. I’m starting to fear checking the news when I wake up in the morning lest I see than another beloved British entertainer has passed away. 🙁

  6. Too many devastating losses already this year. 2016 had best get its shit together.

    Also, since we’re thanking people for being themselves, thank you for being generous with your time, both on your blog and on your stressful book tours, and thank you for signing our copy of your first book and for allowing my wife to take a picture with you that I will never post because I looked like a anxiety-riddled deer in headlights, and thank you for being unabashedly weird and awesome.

  7. This one feels more personal to me, too…It doesn’t make any sense, but it just is. And thank you, Jenny, for being there and often saying things I would like to say but way better and funnier than I would be able to.

  8. Once again, I see you’re a kindred spirit. My deep and abiding love for Alan Rickman began when I was 18 and a friend introduced me to the film Truly, Madly, Deeply, and it has never for one second let up. Bowie was my first I’m-feeling-tingly-feelings-what-is-that crush; Alan was my first real adult crush. If crush even covers it. I don’t think it does.

    Thank you Jenny for being you, for being weird, for reminding us all that it’s going to be okay — by sometimes being willing to say, “please tell me it’s all going to be okay.”

  9. You express the sadness that I feel so much better than I ever could, and somehow it makes it easier knowing that other people are mourning his loss as well, if that makes any kind of sense

  10. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. And thank YOU for being one of those who inspire the rest of us by being a little left of center.

  11. There aren’t too many celebrity deaths that make me feel shocked and like the world has lost someone irreplaceable, but that’s exactly how I feel today. I’m so sad that his voice has been forever silenced.

  12. I’m glad I was able to go to the signing for Let’s Pretend This Never Happened in Seattle. I was a lot quieter than my BFAM, but I’m happy I was able to give you a bottle of my stepdad’s blackberry wine and tell you you’re awesome.

  13. Thank you for being here for us, you wonderful beautiful human. You’re totally on my list of people I’d invite to a dream dinner party, along with Patrick Stewart, Carrie Fisher, and David Tennant.

  14. While it is not attributed to him in the meme, that quote is not an actual Alan Rickman quote though it’s been making the rounds for quite some time.

    But that’s not why I commented. I commented to say thank you. For making us laugh and helping us feel more normal.

    Also, I’m pretty sure you’re my spirit animal. Though I cried over Bowie.

  15. Thank you. I felt the same way about Alan Rickman. I just found out about his death an hour ago and I’m sitting here, still in bed, alone, feeling like WTF?? All the good people are going and leaving us with just the horrible ones. Thanks for putting words to exactly how I feel about all those people you mentioned. I think I’m going to go watch Truly Madly Deeply again.

  16. And that P.S. at the end made me smile through my tears. Thank YOU, Jenny. Take care of yourself.

  17. I did meet him once a long time ago and he’s incredibly kind and gracious and all the things that you want your idols to be and they’re often not. And while I can take Bowie and Rickman dying because we’ll all have to do it someday, I’m not sure I can take it in the same damn week.

    My husband also does not understand Bowie as the Goblin King and now I’m starting to question my decision to marry him 16 years ago.

  18. I’ll add John Malkovich and Kevin Spacey to the list of the sexy but men don’t understand list.

    I would like to go back to bed and not wake up until 2017. 2016 can suck it.

  19. This both sad and a bit amusing. How dare you make me grin at a time like this, Jenny! I, also, cried in front of a barista this morning and made it awkward for the guy. Apparently, its the thing to do today.

  20. What Jenny G. said in comment #2. Thank you Jenny, for creating this safe space and for feeling like a friend even though you don’t know me from Eve.

  21. hugs
    I know, It was a gut punch, this one.
    All I could think was, “Please God, DO NOT let Sir Ian McKellan or Sir Patrick Stewart be next… The world needs SOME joy…”

    (If Patrick Stewart dies I’m getting off this planet. ~ Jenny)

  22. So sad to hear of Alan Rickman’s passing 🙁 such a great actor and from what many people say a great person….Absolutely loved him in Harry Potter, Love Actually, and Robin Hood Prince of Thieves….He will be greatly missed. Rest in Peace Professor Snape!

  23. Yes, yes, all the yes. You just wrote everything I was thinking this morning. I just wanted to tell him “I was a 15 year old girl with pictures of the Sheriff of Nottingham in my locker.”

  24. Thank you Jenny, for making this member of your tribe feel a little less alone with her crazy. And especially for “you’re her only mother”. That sticks with me when things are darkest. You’ve done more good than you will ever know. And I love you for it! Hugs.

  25. While I am not a crier, this did make me sad. I don’t understand the people who think it’s weird to be sad over the death of someone I didn’t know. It’s not the same sad as when my dad died, obviously, but these people were a part of my life in other ways. It’s normal to be sad about it.

  26. The tears didn’t come until just now. You articulated exactly how I feel about this. Thank you.

  27. “But I’m crying over Alan Rickman for the same reason I cried when we lost Ray Bradbury. Because I never got to tell him how much his work meant to me.” I know and share those feels. I wrote a post about Bradbury dying and could barely see the monitor and keyboard through my tears.

    https://yeoldgoblincartoons.wordpress.com/2012/06/06/there-is-a-light-that-never-goes-out/

    Not getting to tell our heroes how much they mean to us leaves a whole in our hearts, I think. So you’re not alone, Jenny. HUGS

  28. Thank YOU Jenny … you made me realize I’m not alone. WE are not alone. You’ve had such a massive impact on my life. Thank you.

  29. Thanks for that last bit. It made me laugh on a day when not much will. Now, don’t die, you hear? Us weirdos can’t take anymore.

  30. Amanda Palmer will keep Neil safe from Victor and besides… he’s younger than I am. But I might have to go watch over Eddie (even though he’s even MORE younger than I am). Sorry, but Victor would return without teeth. Hope he likes banaaaahnas. (Someone else will need to volunteer to protect Prince… I’m sure here will be plenty of volunteers.)

  31. Alan Rickman was one of the finest actors of our age, and from everything I have read about him, I gather that he was a kind, generous, and gracious human being who deserved so much more time on this earth than he was given.
    Cancer can suck my dick.

  32. I felt the same about all the people you mentioned, especially Alan Rickman. I’m going to be binge watching my favorite movies with him for the next couple of days.

  33. Yes. I’m so sad about this. 2015 was the most difficult year of my life so far, and I’m just starting to see some sunshine, and this is not sunshine. I’ll just repeat my post on Facebook this morning:

    We’ve got just the one life, babies. Number of trips around the sun unknown.

  34. love you, Jenny. Thank you for being with us, too. And I feel so much the same… I could say that to so many of your posts, but this one… yeah. It’s a terrible week. But you’re with us, and that helps. <3 <3

  35. Adding: That was Terry Pratchett for me. He meant SO much to me. Inspired me to write better and more, to be silly, to face old age head on and with The Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered At All on my lips. I sobbed like I’d been raised by him. Still mist up.

  36. Joanne Harris tweeted this morning that “It’s OK to grieve for a stranger, or for a fictional character, or for someone you’ve never met. These are the things that make us human.” but I think it takes a pretty amazing human to touch the hearts of so many he’s never met as Alan Rickman has!

    Thank YOU for the beautiful message and inspiring us as much as we inspire you. Isn’t that the best thing about being human? Learning and growing from each other ♥

    big squishy internet hugs

  37. So sad on hearing about his death today. I loved him in so many things. I thought he was the perfect Snape. Loved him in Galaxy Quest. Roared with laughter in Robin Hood.

    RIP Alan Rickman. Cancel Christmas.

  38. I found out by accident at work, and had to wait until my boss left for an appointment to cry about this. It’s nice to know that I was not the only one.

  39. A friend sent me a text with the link first thing this morning and all I could say was, “No.” Then I went on Twitter to find something more profound, to cry while I read other’s eloquent posts on the loss and saw that you, who always speaks so expressively and openly, had just said, “No.”. It made me feel like I wasn’t alone. That it was okay that this had sucked all the words right out of me. I’m so sorry, Jenny. I wish you could’ve met him. I wish we all could’ve met him.
    Life isn’t fair.

  40. Jenny, you are one of the people that I need to thank for being in my life. Well, just for being I guess. You helped me understand the loss of a loved one due to mental illness. You taught me that depression really is a lying bastard. You gave me books and posts to point to when friends needed to hear your words. I love you. (Please don’t block me. I swear it just the admiring, harmless kind of stalkery love.)

  41. Ugh, it leaves a hole in our hearts. See, I’m so gutted by this week, I can’t even write right!

  42. I adore Alan Rickman too. Right now Victor is pretty high up on my list. What a sweet husband you have, knowing that the news would hurt you, but still making sure he was the one to break it to you in the most gentle way possible. I’m in tears right now too. Thank you for breaking the news to me.

  43. I think that DEATH can take a break now, go someplace else and sit for a bit, take a break, drink a nice cup of tea, indulge in some scones and read war and peace. When this news broke across my Twitter feed I sort of stared at the screen for a while. Monday was so hard and I was and still am so sad, David Bowie was a big deal, I lost the guy in my life was weird and showed the universe we,, you know, it’s okay to be weird in fact lets go mad and have fun. But now this…I thought ( read: Hoped) these guys were immortal. I suppose in some ways they are but just can we stop with the dying now, just for a while. We all need some time to heal a little bit.

    yeah.. hugs.

  44. So well said, Jenny. I was so shocked when I heard the news this morning and like tenleygwen, first fell for Alan Rickman in Truly Madly Deeply.
    As for what you said about telling people how much they mean to you, I started to do that more when my mother was dying and I realized how little I’d told my friends and family. So I did. To some weird and wonderful effect.
    Peace.

  45. I was so sad when Maya Angelou died because I kept thinking I was going to “run into her” sometime and tell her how much she meant to me. I suppose I could have just written her a thank-you note to accompany the probably five million others she got every day. I just don’t know.

  46. Thank you too! You’ve touched so many yourself, me included. You said people like Bowie and Hoffman made it easier to be you. Well, you’ve helped make it easier for me to accept me, in all my glorious weirdness, and to surround myself with other weirdos, to form my own weird collective 🙂 a HUGE hug and a great BIG THANK YOU from me to you!!

  47. Such a lovely tribute to a superbly, talented gentle man. I will miss his voice.

  48. This is so sweet and so true!! I cried, too, fwiw. We’ve lost another great artist, by all accounts a thoroughly decent man, and a voice that could melt an iceberg. 😥

    I also find Eddie Izzard hot. 😎

  49. Every single word speaks the truth of my heart.

    Jenny, thank you for being brave. For sharing with us glimpses of the bad days so we know we aren’t alone.

    Thank you for being you. My life is richer because you are in it, even though that is only electronically and the one time we met I asked you to autograph a severed Bill’s head and you just smiled and didn’t call the police.

  50. And you’re one of those people to so many of us, Jenny. You make it ok to be weird and wonderful and occasionally fucked in the head. You let us know we’re not alone, that our thoughts are sometimes lying assholes. You’ve shown us how to laugh at horrible things. Thank you for that. For all of it.

    You’re on my dinner party list. Which for now, could be renamed to a tea and sympathy and sobbing over so many of our first childhood crushes and adult loves being gone. It’s been a shit week.

  51. I think we’re all so upset about this because Alan Rickman was such an incredible actor and person that we all felt like we knew him personally and maybe even forgot that we didn’t. What an incredible man. I think a Harry Potter marathon is in order this weekend to celebrate his life.

  52. Jenny, you are one of those people to me. Your writing has touched me. I come here to listen to someone who understands how I feel sometimes. I don’t have any clinically diagnosed depression, but I do take medication to make me a better version of myself. And reading your writing helps me understand what’s going on in me… that it’s not me. It’s something else telling me I’m not good enough. So thank you. I’d love to have you to my imaginary dinner… we could hide under the table and drink wine slushies together.

  53. I hope you realize there are people, including me, who feel the same way about you. Many of us will never get to meet you in person but you should know how much you mean to us. Thank you Jenny 🙂

  54. It’s been a rough week, death-wise. I went to the funeral on Tuesday of my close friend’s father. I really liked him. He was one of those interesting, and interested in everything people.
    Alan Rickman was a person I always thought would be the same way, just so interesting, and also a fantastic conversationalist because he could charm the pants off… I mean, engage in witty banter with just about anyone. I feel like the world is a slightly dingier place without him in it.

  55. YANA, been crying all morning and now I’m watching Sense and sensibility. Because the feels, so much feels 🙁

    (That film is my krytonite. When he falls to his knees I was like, “THAT IS EVERYTHING I EVER WANT IN A MAN AND KATE WINSLET DOES NOT DESERVE HIM.” ~ Jenny)

  56. “I played Richard III. There were five curtain calls. I was an actor once, damn it. Now look at me. Look at me! I won’t go out there and say that stupid line one more time.”
    By Grabthar’s hammer, by the suns of Worvan, you shall be avenged.
    My favorite movie is Galaxy Quest. Star Trek spoof that we watch at least once a year. RIP Alan Rickman. Bloggess, thanks for the tribute.

  57. The Academy Awards nominees were announced this morning, which means I’m OF COURSE now anticipating the Oscars’ “In Memoriam” segment. I’ve already put Kleenex on my list for that week. Not even kidding. I could screenshot it for you, but that would be weird…..right?
    You should probably alert the authorities about Victor. Better yet, check all your lists and get in touch with all those named. FOR THEIR SAFETY. Not because it would be super-awesome to meet them all or anything.

  58. Thank you for you. I quote you all the time. So wake up tomorrow. And the next day, and the next…because today I can’t even, either.

  59. I was heart broken when I heard the news this morning. While upset about Bowie, this was so much more to me because it was Alan freaking Rickman! The world is a little dimmer today, in my opinion.

    And, then I immediately thought of you since I just finished your second book (which I loved) and remembered you loved Alan Rickman…..
    Thank YOU for having the courage to tell us about all you deal with and finding humor in some of the darkest of moments. I have lived with depression all my life. And, my oldest daughter (17 now) was been diagnosed with depression/anxiety disorders AND recovered from anorexia two years ago. So, I really appreciate your candid (and hysterical) memoir more than you will ever know.

    Thank you….

  60. Funny and charming and unforgettable. Thank you for your talent and kind words. I’m goonna make more coffee and watch galaxy quest. Then I’m off to my friends funeral. It’s been a shitty 14 days.

  61. I had a mad crush on Alan Rickman, and my heart is sore that he is gone. But the fact that Victor knows you well enough to try to cushion that news? You are the luckiest woman in the world to have someone like that. Hugs.

    (Very true. Hugs right back. ~ Jenny)

  62. Beautiful to read and I can empathize completely – I always love the weird ones. I cried over David Bowie the other day and shocked myself with my snotty nosed sobbing. Now we have a 69 club…I quite fancy Eddie Izzard too:)

  63. Several generations will feel the loss of Mr. Rickman. From my little ones who have yet to be introduced to Professor Snape, to my teens who grew up knowing this man as the true heart of Harry Potter world, to the adults that knew of his genius before Hogwarts was even on the radar. Such a loss for us all. Thank you for putting into words what so many of us feel. Not just today but consistently. You are always welcome at my dinner parties.

  64. “I can’t stand to lose anymore of you” YES! What is it with Cancer, age 69 and being an icon this week? I feel like all the people I love are at risk today, and I can’t take it anymore. 2016 can get effed with all this “taking talented folks too early”.

  65. Each passing death hits everyone for very different reasons. I’m incredibly sad about Alan Rickman, because he just had this incredible presence, one in which I wanted him to be my dad, but also kinda wanted him to be my boyfriend. Not at the same time because that’s weird. But I felt a kinship with him. That’s what an incredible person can do for another person.

  66. I saw a tweet the other day that talked about grief over celebrity deaths. It said, “We don’t cry because we knew them; we cry because they helped us to know ourselves.”

    In death, I suppose they continue to help us know ourselves by forcing us to think about what’s important to us. Your blog post expressed this beautifully. Well-said, Jenny. Well-said.

  67. This week has left me feeling so hopeless, AND crazy for hurting so much over people that never knew I existed. I wish I had someone to talk about it with, but the people that surround me are all far too sensible to understand why I am so sad. All of my heroes are dying.

  68. earlier this month I found out that Tom Jones had written an autobiography and that he had been unfaithful to his wife many times. Tom awakened the beast that is/was my sexuality at the ripe young age of nine. I remember seeing him on one or more various variety shows (I’m 50) when I was young and having no clue what was happening to me every time I did. Anyway–the story before society got corrupt was that Tom had married his high school sweetheart at 16 and managed to keep it together despite being so fucking sexy and famous. NOW we find out that was bullshit. Now that I’m 50 and everything is sagging and I’ve got no shot and even if I had a shot I’m 50 and it doesn’t matter as much anymore. So I feel your regret. You didn’t get to tell Snape you love him and I didn’t get to have sex with Tom Jones but it never really was possible to die without regret so I guess if we have to have a few, these aren’t so bad in the scheme of things. We both didn’t get to express our love (or lust in my case) for one of the people we loved/lusted for. Anyway I hope you feel better.

  69. His loss leaves a large hole in one’s heart and the pain is sharp and immediate. I was just watching “Galaxy Quest” the other day again, and in spite of being too deep in the dark Pit of Depression, I did smile a couple of times. The knowledge that he has left a wonderful legacy of films to bring joy for decades into the future is no salve. The pain will ease, eventually, even if it never leaves us completely.

  70. I am absolutely sad today. Every day I get up and check my phone for any texts or updates overnight. The first thing I saw was that Alan Rickman died. Because it was from CNN I knew it probably wasn’t a hoax. I just stopped in my tracks and stared at the screen. There are 2 things that get me through my worst days. This blog, and Harry Potter. When I am having one of the days where I can’t be human and need to block out the world, I turn on the movies or read the books. The magical world is my escape. All morning the scene where Snape gives Harry his memories before he died has played in my head. I’ve been on the verge of tears all morning, but as I let this out, they are falling. I suffer from deep dark depression and anxiety. Since I found this blog, I’ve felt less alone than I ever have. I can’t admit to my friends and family how much his death hurts my heart. I’m a 40 year old married woman with children-I shouldn’t be crying over an actor. But in my mind, it’s like losing a friend that has been there for me….. I can’t say it out loud for fear of getting the side eye- but I feel safe to say it here. IThank you for giving me a safe place- and for making me feel less alone as usua. #Always

  71. We are in mourning over here too. For heaven’s sake. David Bowie AND Alan Rickman???? My daughter said “Someone check on Colin Firth, I don’t like his odds right now.”

  72. I was so sad to learn this morning about his death. But your PS made me laugh snort. Thank you for being you, you hilarious, beautiful, witty, caring soul. 🙂

  73. Because of my illnesses, I tell people all the time how much they mean to me otherwise my soul would be wandering around forever unhappy after I’m gone because I left someone out.
    Thank you Jenny, for making me smile and laugh even when I don’t feel like it.
    Thank you, Victor, for the same reason.
    And thank you, Sam Elliot, for having such gorgeous hair that I stopped dying mine and found out what it’s like to have total strangers tell me how beautiful it is.

  74. Aww – your post just made me tear up! When my son texted me this morning about Alan Rickman I cried, and wondered how this could happen so soon after David Bowie. I also felt alone because I don’t know anyone else that would understand how I felt about these deaths. I did text my daughter away at college – she’s young, but thankfully she’s weird like me and appreciates all of this.
    That last paragraph did make me laugh though… your list has some of the same people mine would have. So wonderful to know there’s others out there with the same feelings. I don’t know if I’ll ever get my daughter to understand my obsession with Prince though…

  75. How thoughty of Victor to break the news to you so gently. Bless his heart, he knew you’d be gutted. He’s a keeper.

    R.I.P. Sir Alan. You’re a keeper, too.

  76. I was utterly heartbroken this morning when I read the sad news. Cried for over an hour and I still have to go to work, because I don’t think I can credibly call in sick because Alan Rickman died. He was just so marvelous and wonderful. I knew I loved you, Jenny, but today I love you for a whole different reason. We are kin in the family of Alan Rickman and we are in mourning.

  77. Thank you for this!! I have been in love with Alan Rickman for many years, and was truly devastated of hearing of his passing this morning. I’m a huge introvert, so I never realized that other people, like you, had Alan Rickman in their Sexy Men List.

    Alan Rickman is the third Celebrity whose passing has made me cry. Selena was the first, Joan Sebastian the second.

    thank you for sharing this!

  78. The news broke while I was driving to work this morning and listening to the radio. The DJ’s were talking about how both Bowie and Rickman were icons from Britain and how they were both 69 years old. They decided we need to wrap other icons in bubblewrap to keep them safe, especially Elton John, who is also 69 and British!

  79. Thank you, Jenny, for being funny, and weird, and for making me feel a little bit better after my husband died.

  80. JENNY!! Don’t LIST THEM! sigh Guess I’ll drive to Minneapolis to protect Prince. Girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.
    Hugs, honey.

  81. It’s comforting, not to be alone, in the awkward place of, ‘Mom, why are you crying?” and having to explain that a guy you’ve never met just died, and why that makes your heart feel battered and bruised.

  82. Like you I was heartbroken when I heard the news this morning. There are so many films that are part of my very DNA that feature Alan Rickman. My heart hurts to think that I’ll never get to see him take on a new role and transform himself again.

    And thank you Jenny, for being an inspiration. When I started reading your blog years ago I had no idea how much you and everyone connected to you would impact my life. You’ve all made me stronger and braver. Because of this wonderful tribe of misfits I was brave enough to accomplish my greatest dream – I wrote a book and it is being published. I never could have done that without folks like y’all teaching me that it was okay to be the beautiful freak that I really am.

  83. Thank you, Jenny. Your post made me feel a little less silly for crying yesterday when I’d heard Brian Bedford had passed. And it also makes me realize that I really need to write that letter to Stephen King that I’ve been thinking of doing for years.

  84. I don’t like being touched, but I would take a hug right about now.
    Sad that he’s gone.
    Thank you Jenny, you make the world easier to cope with.
    Stay strong.

  85. First – thank you Jenny for all you do. You are the person I go to to make me laugh in my dark times (this week!) or the person I imagine is sitting next to me in my blanket fort crying when I can’t pull myself together. I never met Alan Rickman, but I have been in love with him since his portrayal of Tybalt in the 1970 something version of Romeo and Juliet. The announcement of his death today is the 5th in a string of losses for me this week – granted, some of them are silly losses (like 1st world problem losses) but you add them altogether and 5 losses in a week by Thursday is hard. The hardest was finding out that a high school friend of my commited suicide after suffering from mental illness and PTSD (he served in the first Desert Storm) for many years. I didn’t know this. I never realized how he was suffering and I didn’t reach out. So – to anyone in this lovely community who is in a dark place for ANY reason today/this week/or ever – I say – I am here. Reach out. I want to be the light in the darkness, the person who helps you laugh just a little, or the person who will sit quietly in your blanket fort. Hang in there!

  86. Your list is comprised of what we call “thinking girl crumpet”. A little bit of age, pretty good looking and a very beautiful mind = dead sexy.

  87. Really struggling with this, especially so soon after losing Bowie.

    According to The Guardian, his last project was this video, “This Tortoise Could Save a LIfe,” which is meant to be shaed as widely as possible, so I am sharing:

  88. Here’s a completely inappropriate response to your blog, but some things just need to be put out there. I am not sure why you laughed when your husband said that you were sad because Starbucks doesn’t offer snozzberry tea anymore. But it made me laugh too. Here’s why incase you didn’t already know…..In the book Charley and the Chocolate factory there is a part when Willy tells his guests to go ahead a lick the flavored wallpaper. “Lick an orange it tastes like an orange, lick a pineapple it tastes like a pineapple”. Willy says the snozzberries taste like snozzberries. I didn’t know what that meant so I did a little research. The Author, Dahl was British, and apparently there, during that time, snozzberry was a slang term for penis. The author that it would be funny to leave it in the book, since we stupid Americans would never catch his little joke. So, sorry for your loss, but thanks for the chuckle! Love ya

  89. One of my friends met him after a show once, and told him he made the world a better place. She said his reaction was “adorably embarrassed thank you” blushing. So, take that as you will. He wouldn’t have just said thank you dear one more time, he would have blushed and been genuinely pleased and aw man, why are we losing only the best this week? 🙁

  90. This is perfection. Loved the last bit about Victor and your list. When news of David Bowie passing came, I turned to look at my husband and said, “But he’s on my laminated list of freebies.”
    Hubby was unsympathetic to the fact that I never got to sleep with Bowie, but totally understood my grief over losing the (slimmer than either David or Iman) possibility. That’s why I keep him.

  91. Wow Jenny – that was so well put and extremely helpful to me. You see, I was lucky enough to briefly meet Alan Rickman after a play in NYC (it was called Seminar and he was phenomenal…duh). I shook his hand and just simply said, “Thank you.” I immediately felt foolish because my words felt like a huge understatement. They seemed to fall so short of the verbal brilliance of the last few hours. But after reading your words, you’ve given me a new perspective. There are so many people in the world who make us and change us and we never get a chance to just say “thanks.” I now feel extremely lucky to have said what I did. So, thanks Alan Rickman.

    And thank you too Jenny 🙂

  92. Beautiful post Jenny and hugs to you. Thank you for being you and for shining a light in the dark every time you post, and even making me laugh at the end of this one on a day when I bet a lot of us don’t feel like laughing.

  93. I heard about his passing this morning on my way to work- I cried. For a man I never knew, but felt I knew for years..and thank you Jenny, for letting me know that it is okay to be broken, cracked, and generally a little fucked up. <3

  94. Thank YOU, Jenny. I hope you have an idea of how important you are to so many, many people. Myself included. Your courage to be you and speak of things that others try to hide helps knock down stigmas that, really–are killing people. You are making a difference. A hugely important difference. Not to mention you’re kinda funny. Well…maybe like laugh out loud while sitting by yourself in Starbucks so that people wonder if you are a sociopath funny. Yeah. More like that. THANK YOU.

  95. My inner beast tells me not to post because it doesn’t matter, but I got shit to say. Thank you Jenny for your honesty and openness. I always leave your blog with something – a point to ponder or sheer ridiculousness. I appreciate what you bring to my world.

  96. On the plus side, Rickman and Bowie would make great names for a pair of pets. Or taxidermied animals. You’ll know when it’s time.

  97. This is exactly why I had to come to your book signing. I’d wanted to go for your first book, but was too broken to make it. I was so glad when I got a second chance. For the second, I brought a friend, hid behind a book rack at the edge of the crowd, and downed ice water to keep the panic at bay. I’m not even sure I actually spoke the words “thank you” to you, I think the only words that came out were the ones I’d rehearsed a hundred times in line about kitten mittens. But I know it was written on the card, however illegibly. And I know that when I showed you the ribbon tattooed on my wrist, you understood the thanks in that. You constantly demonstrate that someone broken and hurting can still be full of such glorious beauty, and it pushes me to be better and fight harder.

  98. Thank you for making me feel I belong. For making so many of us feel we belong. Every time I’m down in the hole I look at the silver ribbon on my wrist and appreciate that I’m not alone. That’s all down to you.

  99. I thought that I was one of the only people to find Alan Rickman incredibly sexy…I agree with your choices of Eddie Izzard and Prince and may I also add Alan Arkin. Thank you again Jenny for a great post that made me laugh and cry at the same time. My husband and I just lost a very dear friend this morning and he was one of the kindest people on earth. So this has been a sucks-balls of a week….(I wish I had the Nope t-shirt that I ordered three days ago..that would sum up this week perfectly). xo

  100. I just found out that a dear friend’s mother died this morning as well. And don’t really know what to do with myself. I almost feel bad/guilty/something? for being so upset over David Bowie and now Alan Rickman. But I’m telling the voices in my head to stfu and giving myself a pass to feel however I want right now. I figure grief is one of those things that isn’t supposed to make sense, anyway, right?

  101. I can’t even say how sad I was to hear the news. Alan Rickman was hands-down one of my favourite actors. I felt like a basket case weeping uncontrollably over Bowie tributes, but losing Alan Rickman is even worse because I can’t quite bring myself to dwell on it. When I do, I cry. And I just feel all cried out. (also, a little nutters for weeping over men I never met)

    I don’t know if this helps you, but I want to share this picture with you: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10101301166738498&set=a.642759477968.2209812.27710637&type=3&theater. It’s from October 2012 on a public bus I was riding in Israel – someone had vandalised the back of the bus seat to declare to the world their love for Alan Rickman.

    I couldn’t help but be impressed. So of course I snapped the picture. Hopefully the link works.

  102. So sad. I was inconsolable when Snape died in Harry Potter, but comforted by the fact that Alan Rickman hadn’t really died. Now he has. The world has lost someone really special.

  103. I also love his work, and am very sad to hear of his passing. Thank you for putting it into words Jenny! Helps reading the posts on how many people feel the same, shares the hurt a bit.

  104. This is exactly how I felt when Terry Pratchett passed away. It was the first time I felt like I truly was mourning over someone I had never met. I had been sad about other celebrities but Pratchett was a whole different level and I wasn’t entirely sure how to explain the difference, so thank you for doing it for me.

    Neil Gaiman better watch his back, he appeared on my list of favorite authors with Pratchett and Robert Jordan in the early 2000’s, currently the last man standing.

  105. My husband called me. I was watching an On Demand show from last night so had no technology on. He simply said “Alan Rickman” and the NOOOOOOOOO that came out of my mouth was not human. Then I became a crying snotty sobbing mess and he thought I was having a heart attack. This news has broken my heart. He was a wonderful actor and apparently a wonderful human in general and the world will be a sadder place with his loss.

    Also, Victor – knock it the fuck off. You can’t have Neil Gaiman.

  106. It is weird how upset we can become about someone we’ve never met.
    My sister met him once when he was in our part of the country filming the first Harry Potter. He’d also just been in a music video for the band Texas and my sister was so flustered at meeting him she blurted out “I love you in the Texas video!”
    In the dryest, most sarcastic tone he said “Yes. My finest work” She was so embarrassed she practically ran away, didn’t even ask for an autograph. 🙂

    (Also, I know this isn’t really relevant but that quote about reading Harry Potter wasn’t said by him)

  107. I feel your pain. I started crying the minute I heard and am now at work, hiding in my office, so that I don’t have to explain why the death of someone I never met (but loved) has me in tears.

  108. Oh, if Neil Gaiman, Prince or Eddie Izzard go, I’m not going to be able to get out of bed for at least a month.

  109. And now I’m smiling because I found my comment from your previous Alan Rickman post –

    “Totally Team Rickman, except in Notting Hill because Emma Thompson is such a better woman than Miss “It’s all for you”.

    Also, SWIPER NO SWIPING.”

  110. I feel so much this way!! It is a good thing that I always thought he was gay, because he is the one that might have turned me into a celebrity stalker weirdo.

  111. great big squishy hug pile I’ve added my fair share of tears for Rickman today. There will always be something about him that made him so special and dear to my heart. I think I need to watch him in DOGMA tonight, as one of my friends put it, I guess God finally wanted her voice back. sniffly weepy hugs Kudos to Victor for overall approach and bonus points for use of snozzberries 🙂

  112. Oh lord. I had managed to keep the tears at bay for most of this morning. Your post took me over. I am a long time reader, first time commenter. Thank you, Jenny the Blogess- for being so public with your struggles. For letting us know that we are not alone. 🙂 For that I am grateful!!

  113. Thanks for this. You are a treasure. And Alan Rickman. He was the only tolerable part of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, but he made it worth watching more than once (sort of…ugh Kevin Costner). And his Colonel Brandon. I adore your blog and just realized that in addition to loving to read your words, this is literally the only site on which I read the comments because it’s not full of crazy asshats. It’s full of crazy, kooky, sparkly unicorns. Blessings to you and to the community you’ve built.

  114. Dear Jenny, thank you for being you. Thank you for being the one to break the news to me about Alan Rickman, instead of some insincere news person. Thank you that I can read here what he meant to you, so I can unravel those strange, sad feelings of grief for a man I feel like I’ve known and loved, but also never met. Thank you for this safe space, where I can (usually) lurk at the edges and still feel like part of the tribe. Most of all, thank you for your amazing courage and honesty, which means so much to so many.

  115. P.S. I was a in a JoAnn Fabric store the other day and I saw this woman looking at 70% off Christmas decorations. I just KNEW it was you. I told Skip it was you and then finally… I went up to… you. It wasn’t you though. At least you said it wasn’t you.

    (It wasn’t me, but let’s pretend it was and that we had a wonderful conversation. ~ Jenny)

  116. Well, this has turned into a sucky sucky sucky suck suck suck year and we’re not even into Suiciuary yet.

    Bowie kinda surprised me (and saddened, yes yes of course!) but I could say he’d lived along.

    But RICKMAN? That shocked me this morning. He couldn’t have been that old!

    What? He was 69? Why didn’t anyone TELL ME!

    Aw, man, I just wanna go to a Starbucks and cry, too.

  117. No post of yours have ever been so exactly what I was thinking and feeling. I can’t stop crying. #trulymadlydeeply

  118. Are we allowed to thank you? I’d like to do that here. Now. Thank you for making me smile. Laugh. Fine, thank you for making me schvitz my panties I am laughing so hard.

  119. I broke the news to my Snarry Facebook group and to my husband.. I have felt bad all morning for being so upset over a man I never met. However reading this post made me feel a little better about feeling so bad. Thank you for this post and thank you Alan for giving up Snape.

  120. I never sought you out at events where we crossed paths in the past, only because I was trying to be respectful of you and didn’t want to be one more person that made you anxious. Next time we’re close, I’m gonna give you a hug, though, because you’ve given me some of the most uproarious laughs and widest grins in my life and I want nothing more than to keep laughed by until I pee because of you. So thank you, Miss Jenny.

  121. You are my Alan Rickman. 🙂 (not in the attraction way… I mean, not that… wait. none if this is going to sound right, but I really like your work. Hang on. The dog is attacking me. She hates computers.)

  122. When I first saw this, I so hoped it might be one of those hoax/rumor things that the Internet is so good at…but then I realized it was you saying it, so it must be true. So sad now, but I am going to follow your lead and say thank you to as many people who have brought me joy as possible.

    So, first: thank you Jenny. It’s odd to thank someone I haven’t met and likely won’t meet, but you have brought me joy on a regular basis. Joy in the form of laughter over the funny parts of your books and your posts, but — even more importantly — joy in the form of seeing that there is someone out there who gets it and struggles with some of the same things I struggle with and isn’t afraid to be herself despite it all.

    Next: thank you to this awesome tribe, for making me feel so much less alone in the world. I generally avoid the whole Facebook/blog comments/social media thing, as I find it often brings out the worst in people. Not here, though. I always know I can come here and feel at home. Thanks.

  123. Well, guess this is the perfect post to say thanks back to you, Jenny, for being there when I was going through my deep, dark time this past holiday season. And thanks to our crazy, irreplaceable tribe….Jenny told me some of you asked about me and I have no words to express how much that means. It’s kind of nuts (but in a good way) that people that I have never met could help me in so many ways. Well, I sort of met you at Politics & Prose in DC, if by “meeting” you mean “I saw you across the room with a billion of my closest friends”.
    This has been a tough week…losing David Bowie (he was my first big name concert in 1983) and Alan Rickman so close together. There was something about him…so talented and My G-d that VOICE. Can you imagine waking up to that voice whispering in your ear? Just gave myself the shivers…
    Hugs and love to all…

  124. I got dressed this morning in my Griffindor sweater with my “Always” button on it…then came downstairs to watch the news and was gutted. He was such an amazing actor and amazing man…I hope he knows the world mourns for him along with his family…

  125. OMG, I cry, too, when inspiring people (to me) die. We feel like we know them because we feel them if you know what I mean. Your P.S. made me laugh out loud. Keep up the good fight. You are awesome. And yes, props to your hubby, too!

  126. I cried when Bowie died. He provided the soundtrack of my entire youth. AND he was an incredibly sexy man, even at 69, as was Alan Rickman. It’s been a tough week.

  127. YOU, Jenny, inspire ME. You’ve inspired me to write again. You make me laugh an you make me cry (in a good way, because it’s not snotty blubbering sobbing in public YET), you make me want to collect roadkill and have it mounted with internal wiring to help my creatures ride my cat, wear costumes, and make fantastic poses. You don’t know me and you probably never will. But I’m going to let you know that I adore you for your honesty, your writing, your willingness to be YOU and know that eventually everything will be okay. You save so many people every day without even knowing it, and I admire your ability to do that by putting yourself out there even when you fucking hate it. Even when you hide from the mailman or want to freak out before a signing. And I know I’m just another person who you may say, “Thank you dear,” to, but I am grinning through my tears knowing and hoping that all of our words, collectively, piece you back together again. xxx PS: I don’t think Victor is killing anyone. In fact, I think he might help keep us all a little bit more sane.

  128. When I said “DAVID BOWIE” to my husband the other day he said “I know. I didn’t want to ruin your morning…” and I was like SO YOU LET FACEBOOK TELL ME?!?!

  129. Tears and then laughter, because Victor is whittling down the competition. Thank you. Also, hugs. This week sucks.

  130. Go outside tonight under the stars and tell him and Bowie you loved them. They’ll hear it. I still do it sometimes for my Dad. Just look at the stars and moon and say “I love you, and I miss you.”

  131. No. Thank you, Jenny…for making me laugh when I feel like there are no laughs left. Damn it. My eyes are leaking.

  132. OMG! I did not know til your blog came up on FB. I morning of phone issues. Now you broke the news to me. Devastation! And to think I just now have kids at that age where I can start to teach them the beauty of quirky and how I love this man. So sad.

  133. Thank you, all that you said, the same back to you, and more.
    (and please hobble Victor because I could not stand to lose any of those on your list)

  134. Cancer sucks.

    Just so you know, I really like your work. You remind me that we’re all messed up and struggling in our own ways and that’s okay. Thank you for creating a community of misfits with your blog, your books, and everything you do. Your drawings, also, are pretty darned awesome.

  135. Jim Henson…I cried so hard that day…I was lucky to be living in NYC and I went to his funeral. I got to hear Frank Oz’s eulogy and see Big Bird Sing…But all I wanted to do was to tell him that he inspired me to be myself, know that chaos is ok and leading a bunch of weirdos is the best way to live…

  136. On that same note, thank you, Bloggess, for entertaining me often and occasionally making me take a look at myself. You are admired, as well.

  137. And thank you for your writing and sharing your craziness and vulnerability. To you I owe one of the best and most memorable KKMF moments of my life, that oddly enough took place 4 years ago this week. A group of us that had attended Brave Girl Camp (look up Brave Girls or Melody Ross) had a reunion at my home 6 months after camp. Long story but we bought a ‘Petite Beyoncé’ and went on an adventure with her as she went to the Kroger and Starbucks with us. Best moment ever was when we were checking out at the Kroger, she rode the conveyor belt and the checker not paying attention grabbed her to scan her. We absolutely died! You would have loved it! Thank you for encouraging insanity! We have pictures of the adventures of that morning!

  138. forget about Die Hard…I remember Robin Hood, Dogma, Bottle shock, Harry Potter, Galaxy Quest, Sense and Sensibility, Quigley Down Under and on and on. I loved his snarky comedy side and his low key dramatic side. Alan Rickman was the face of Comedy and Tragedy.

  139. Thank you, Jenny, for who you are and what you do and what you mean to so many of us. Thank you for giving me a laugh in the middle of tears. Thank you for speaking when we lack the words. You’re one of those people I would love to meet and tell you how much you mean to me, and so if I never get the chance, it’s at least here in a tiny little comment. And please lock Victor up so he can’t take down anyone else, k?

  140. I thought of you as soon as I heard this news. Like you were saying (so much more eloquently), it’s funny how someone who I have never met has become so important to me that I worried about how she much would hurt when she heard about the loss of this fabulous man that she so admired. It’s a sad day. I’m thinking of you and sending some virtual hugs.

  141. I rarely comment. But today I think you need to know that you are one of the true heroes in the world. The one who continually proves to the world that those of us who suffer from anxiety, depression, chronic illness are not lazy losers and whiners. In fact, most of us are incredibly smart. And funny. Just ask us. 🙂

  142. I am devastated over David Bowie. It’s like I finally know for sure I am not going to marry him….unless I can when I go to heaven…there is still hope in my heart we’ll be together one day….

  143. Non related topic. No more sad. I will be in Hill Country visiting a friend. Can you mlet me know of any fun places to go, or would you want to meet up? I met you at the Austin signing at the beginning of your tour. I’m the person that met your grandma because of her shirt.

    (I’ve moved a bit out of the Hill Country but it’s so pretty. Eat barbecue. ~ Jenny)

  144. Jenny,
    Thank you for talking and writing about your experiences, especially with health issues. My aunt had rheumatoid arthritis, and had passed away before I began reading your work, but you helped me understand what she went through. I had never understood the disease, and your writing helped me understand what she had been through.

  145. I feel a little in love with him in “Robin Hood”–he was the only thing good about that movie and he ate the scenery with such joy and fearlessness. Then I fell completely in love with his tender and restrained portrayal of Colonel Brandon in “Sense and Sensibility.” Such a lovely, sexy man. I can’t believe he’s gone. Please tell Victor to stay away from Eddie Izzard, I can’t take anymore!!

  146. Jenny, thanks for giving us a space to honor Mr. Rickman. I just love him. And a heads up to other celebs, if you are sick please don’t keep it to yourself. If I know your sick I can have time to process and prepare. Selfish of me to ask but I can’t take much more of this “out of no where” gone.

  147. First off, you have meant so much to so many. I hope you know that. Also, Alan Rickman was DEFINATELY on my list of “Guys that are sort of ugly but still so. fucking. sexy.”
    And we are much of the same age…the Goblin King was HOT.

  148. I cried when I heard, so I feel you, sister! He was one of those actors that no matter how small the role, he always caught my attention and HELD IT. Charming, charismatic….he will be greatly missed.

  149. I think this is only the 2nd or 3rd time I’ve read one of your posts but I really needed this one. I am heartbroken that we’ve lost David Bowie and Alan Rickman. They were truly amazing. And sexy as hell. I needed to read your thank you. It’s good to know others feel the way I do and have that same issue. But dammit, it made me cry! I didn’t want to start again but I guess I needed to.

  150. Remember that you inspire us in the same way. Sometimes when something seems overwhelming I can think “Well, Jenny wrote two NYT bestselling books. If she can do that, then I can do this.” Then I feel like I can overcome any task, challenge, or problem I face.

  151. Philip Seymour Hoffman graduated from my HS the year before I did. In Fairport, he was just “Phil.” I cried for days afterward, not because I had seen him perform on our little stage or because I had passed him in the hall on the way to Algebra, but because of the greatness that was lost. And there was so much more to come…but it vanished in an instant. I feel the same way about Robin Williams, and Freddy Mercury, Heath Ledger, and Michael Hutchence. I never wanted it to end. I am sad for what could have been. And I will regret to the day I die that I did not ask for tickets for Death of A Salesman on Broadway for my birthday, the year before Phil died. When I get to heaven, I will have to ask for a command performance. Interesting how these people that you don’t even know can have such a powerful effect on your personal life.

  152. Here’s the thing. I was sad about Bowie. After all, the goblin king really (uh, how to make it not sound creepy)… well, whatever, I really liked him in a way I didn’t really understand. But not Snape. I mean, I know Alan Rickman isn’t Snape, but we lost Snape already once and somehow knowing Alan is gone right on the heels of losing the Star Man is really a tough one today. Thank you for sharing your life with us, Jenny. We are thankful for you too!

  153. A friend of mine was all weepy the other day and said that she was between meds but wanted to write to a particular director and tell them how much their work meant to her. I encouraged her to go ahead and do so (Though perhaps wait on sending it until her meds stabilized a bit) because there are so many artists whose work I’ve admired and wished that I’d told them. I also know so many artists who were in their final illnesses and who felt alone, like they had never had any impact in their lives. So please, tell them. if you think it’s weird or creepy, then make up a name or just sign it “a devoted fan”, but tell them. You need to tell them, and they likely need to hear it.

  154. You are so right. So here’s a heartfelt THANK YOU to you, for your post on “And Then He Called Me a Fucking Bitch,” which I show to my PR students every class when talking about pitching stories, along with the half-serious, half-joking promise that “if I ever find out you do this [send stupid pitches to journalists/bloggers] I will hunt you down and beat you.” It shouldn’t have taken someone’s death to make me say this. Thank you.

  155. Awh. Honey. I love you. So much. You’re so important in my life. You’re just so…you. And that’s so real. I’m sorry for this loss to you (and the world, obviously). It sucks. It just sucks. Bigbig hugs.

    (…and yeah. Gaiman cannot follow suit here. I would take a sick day for that. :/ )

  156. I believe he knew. 🙂
    I still remember how I felt when both Sammy Davis Jr. and Jim Henson died on the same day. <> That was 25 years ago.

  157. I would like to thank you and this community for helping me feel less alone in this world. Every time I come here I learn something or laugh at something or see people being good to each other and it helps me remember that not everyone is a jerk all the time and I need that.

  158. That’s EXACTLY how I felt when Bradbury died. Just about the time I finally decided I should write him, he was gone.
    This one is just as heartbreaking. I’m glad we can mourn together.

  159. Alan Rickman was amazing. In Harry Potter he was despised, and then loved by all. In “Pride and Prejudice” he showed us his softer side. In “Sweeney Todd” he showed us he could sing. He will be sorely missed by all.

  160. Yes. I agree with your assessment of Mr Rickman. I didn’t want to believe it so I had to check several sources. I love how Victor cared enough to make sure he told you.

  161. First off, this is so remarkably on-point and so if you close your eyes and are quiet for about 10 seconds, imagine that I’m a stranger giving you a hug of shared pain.

    Secondly, when I got to the part where you said “This thank you is for my family, and friends, and readers, and idols, and all those out there who have no idea how much they changed my life…” I misread “idols” as DILDOS and got to the end of the sentence before I was like, “wait, what?” and went back to reread it. So just know that for a moment, my misread seemed accurate enough to last me a good second of thought before I thought I might be mistaken. And even then, I was still pretty sure I’d read it right the first time. Thanks for that laugh. 🙂

  162. I’m saddened when we lose these amazing people. but this one has really affected me. I am so sad and have cried on and off this morning. A person I know said that if velvet had a voice it would the Alan Rickman’s. What a huge loss to the world to lose him.

  163. Thank you for posting this. I’m glad I wasn’t the only grown woman who cried today. He was always one of my weird crushes too. My other one was Harold Ramis, I still tear up at the thought of them. I hope they understood how many people they made happy with their talent.

  164. That meme kills me. I first saw it a month or so ago, “When I’m 80…” How can I have to see that Obies wife was wearing marigold, whatevertheheckthatmeans, all over the “trending news”, and not have them blaring that Mr. Rickman had cancer?!?! IT IS NOT FAIR! These things should not be sprung on us like this! I am not adulting today. I’m sitting home with teary eyes watching every movie I can fit in with him in it.

  165. I couldn’t believe it either when I heard it. His characters made me hate him and others made me love him. So sad, but that incredible voice and those characters will live on in my heart forever. Who else could make you cry when (spoiler alert) Professor Snape dies? sniff {hug}

  166. I’ve not been able to stop crying for long. He was a face of comfort when times got bad for me. I would just turn on Robin Hood or Dogma or Love Actually and marvel in how many different people he could so effortlessly be. He was so much more than Professor Snape to me. This loss tears me apart just as much as losing Robin. It like losing a distant relative you deeply admired but never got the chance to tell. How fortunate we are to have him immortalized on film, to be able to see him vibrant and alive again on demand. I can’t do that with my parents. 💔 I can’t even bring myself to tell my daughter either. She still can’t watch Robin’s films without crying. I can’t take Harry Potter from her too.

  167. Jenny have you seen Dogma? I suppose you must. Kevin Smith wrote the best part for Alan Rickman as Metatron: “Tell a person that you’re the Metatron and they stare at you blankly. Mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everybody is a theology scholar.”

  168. He was so very good at what he did. I admit I cried. I cried because he made the world a better place and I cried because his art touched me and I cried because now I never get to have a dinner party where I invite both you and him and sit back and watch.

    I found this quote and it made me laugh through tears:
    random kid to Alan Rickman: Why are you so mean to Harry Potter?
    Alan Rickman: 10 points from Gryffindor

  169. I was also deeply saddened by the news of Rickman’s passing, but what I want to say is this:
    Thank YOU for being so freaking REAL.

  170. I’ve got you covered on the Ray Bradbury front!

    I once stood up in a very crowded public library meeting room where he’d just given a talk and shouted “WE LOVE YOU, RAY!” at him, and he looked out at everyone and said “Thank you! I love you, too!”

    So we’re all good on the Ray Bradbury front.

  171. This is one of the reasons I love Twitter. I’ve been able to tell lots of people how they are special to me, even if they don’t tweet back. Maybe this weekend I’ll send them all a new round of “Thank You”s just to be sure I didn’t miss anyone.

    Did I tell you Thank You? In case I didn’t, Thank You!

  172. I’m pretty much a hermit, which is why I haven’t gotten around to joining Twitter yet (there are people on there and everything is in real time so I can’t spend six hours contemplating and rewriting my posts), but that’s not what I came here to tell you. I’m reading (actually listening to) your book Furiously Happy and am sad that I did not come check you out sooner when I heard Jen Yates talk about you. I was afraid I’d like you too much to stay away and then I’d have to join another community with other people. Which goes against my hermit ways. But, I didn’t come here to tell you I’m sad, either. I came to say thank you. You are brave and inspirational and hilarious. I know that you wanted to lick Alan Rickman’s face (and, to be honest, who doesn’t?) and I knew you would be devastated to hear of his passing, so I thought I would stop by and offer whatever support can come from a crazy, rambling post such as this from someone you’ve never met. Hugs.

  173. I can’t believe there is someone else in the world who understands my Eddie Izzard obsession and I just had to tell you that.

  174. Wouldn’t it be great if we could leave recorded comments? I wanted to reply, “I know” to mean I understand, but when I just typed those words, it looked pretty arrogant and omniscient. Tone of voice adds so much. Closer perhaps is

    I know, right?

  175. This news broke my heart. My all-time favorite Alan Rickman role was the Sheriff of Nottingham in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. What a marvelous interpretation, he’s the best thing in that movie (along with Morgan Freeman). Loved him in Love, Actually and (of course) as Snape. RIP, sir. You are already missed.

  176. Such sad news, because he was the most joyous villain ever. Why else would anyone be so diabolical but to really have fun being diabolical????

    Obviously, I chose the right man. My husband completely understands. And John’s response when I told him the sad news was, “By Grapthar’s Hammer, you shall be avenged.” Fuck cancer.

  177. What breaks my heart is that he said in his beautiful quote “When I’m 80 years old […]” – and he never will be. We don’t know how much time we have left. I want to thank you, Jenny, for your amazing blog, books, and for being YOU! I have read both your books 3 times already, and recommend them and your blog to anyone I know. Stay weird my friend!

  178. I irrationally bawled while at work this morning when I found this out. My officemate was wonderful about it. When I was growing up (mind you I was already in my teens) I read the Harry Potter series and it helped me escape, then the movie came out and they too are still an escape.They make me feel like a kid and feel ALL the emotions and Alan Rickman was so wonderful in those movies (and others). I found myself complete heartbroken for someone I had never met but how was a staple in my life.

  179. Bowie as the Goblin King was everything to me. My heart has hurt since I read the news about him. I have the labyrinth soundtrack on a loop in my head since then. The loss of these men is so hard to swallow and it’s only going to get worse as we age and all of our idols meet their end. And now that I’ve depressed myself I’m going to go watch some happy stuff to balance it out.

    Thank you for always making me laugh, giving it to us straight and letting us know that it’s ok to be weird and sad sometimes.

  180. Fuck. Do you realize you just jinxed Neil and Prince and Eddie??? Can you redact them from your original list?

  181. We thank you, too, dear person. Without you I wouldn’t have been forced to learn to weld and work with a local artisan to make a large metal chicken for my 15th anniversary.

  182. Sighs I just lost my entire comment. Okay, here we go.. take two:

    I’m in shock. I haven’t had any tears yet but I’m sure I will — I’m still reeling from Bowie. I’ve had a discussion with some friends recently who don’t “get” the whole crying over a celebrity thing. They say, “They’re not your friend or family, so why the tears?” I’ve said to them that it’s not about knowing the person, it’s about what they’ve given us. They teach us something about ourselves, whether through their music speaking to us during a rough part of life or in the way they deliver a line ever so perfectly either to elicit laughter, tears or whatever from us at just the right moment. Alan Rickman proved to me that comedy could be brilliant — if done right and in a certain way. I thought I hated comedy — until I saw Rickman on screen.

    Even in a serious role like the Sheriff of Nottingham, how he delivered his lines which were meant to show how cruel and despicable he was… they were downright hilarious but without all that stupid, lowest-common-denominator humour. I don’t like slapstick unless it’s the Three Stooges. I don’t care for a lot of the spoof comedies that are out there. I generally avoid comedy with very few exceptions. But I’m sorry… Rickman shouting, “I’ll cut out his heart with a SPOON!” and when questioned ‘why a spoon?’ he bellows, “BECAUSE IT’LL HURT MORE, YOU TWIT!!” — I just cracked right up.

    As Snape, he taught me that you didn’t always have to speak to make your feelings known. Expression is bigger than speech. That man could say more with a raised eyebrow than I could in a half hour conversation on the phone.

    And his roles were so varied. Metatron. Marvin the Depressed Robot (voice). Hans Gruber. Alexander in Galaxy Quest. And more.

    I could go on. But basically, it is MY normal to cry for certain celebrities whose body of work had some impact on my life. I will cry for him when my emotions catch up with the news. And I will not be ashamed for it.

    So long, and thanks for all the fish, Alan. We love you. Oh, and give Bowie our love when you get there? <3

  183. sigh This is reminiscent of the year that Dr. Suess and Gene Roddenberry died… I mean, Star Trek and Hop on Pop, at the same time? Brutal. Anyway, all the previous comments and more, about loving you and your work. And Eddie Izzard.

  184. Last year I buried a lot of people. At one point I wrote a post on my blog about how Death needed to go away. Take a vacation. Just STOP.

    I didn’t mean that Death should go to the UK.

    Bowie and Rickman in the same week. When my husband texted me this morning and told me my response was just “NO” “Not acceptable.”

    I hope he’s got all the Harry Potter he can read wherever he is now. God bless you, Alan Rickman.

  185. Thank you for being there for us Jenny. You remind me that depression lies and that I am not alone in this fight.

  186. I feel this way about many people. Inymy lifetime there have been many great icons who have left their earthside bodies…Patrick Swayze, Freddie Mercury, Michael Jackson, David.Bowie and now Rickman (and many others).

    I want you to know that you have been a huge inspiration in my life. I hope your heart finds some healing from the loss of some of your personal icons.

  187. Oh, Rickman was TOTALLY hot. TOE TALL EE. On this, we agree.

    (And also one of my favourite actors. I hate that he won’t be making more great work.)

  188. I told both of my ex’s that if I had the chance to sleep with Bowie, they would just have to deal with it. Too many good one’s leaving us lately. I don’t want to see the news for fear of someone else. Tell Victor to STOP IT!!!

  189. This made me cry. I would love to tell him thank you for being there in all the hard times when I needed to laugh. Or to escape to another world with you. You made our lives better, Alan.

    But I hope you know as well Jenny that you make lives better too. You’ve made me laugh on days when life seemed so utterly fucking hard. Yesterday I got some really not good health news and it’s rocked my world, but some how this post made me feel a little better. Like it’s okay to cry today. Lots of folks are. So thank you for sharing your life with us and making us feel it’s okay to be our freaky selves. Give Victor a fist bump from my husband. They both deserve a ton for spending their lives with goofy people like us.

  190. No. Thank you. For inspiring me to take pictures next to every metal sculpture and strange piece of taxidermy I find. Thank you for being someone who is real, someone I can point to and say “look, other people are real too, I’m not the only one this strange and funny.”
    Thank you for helping me understand that it’s ok to express the emotions I feel, like crying when a stranger dies.

  191. I was so in love with that man. I am having a really hard time keeping my shit together at work today. Just like I did with David Bowie on Monday. No one else would understand, but I’m glad you do, and I thank you for that. Everything Alan Rickman did was brilliant. Every time I watched him on screen my heart would beat faster, and I’d get what I call “girl wood” because he was just so damn sexy and I wanted him SO much. I wish I could go home and binge watch Alan Rickman movies. Maybe this weekend.
    P.S. Bowie as the Goblin King. That man was sexy as f***! (Pardon the profanity.)

  192. This week has just been too much. This post hit really home for me. My husband’s grandfather died Monday after a long slow slide into dementia. And this post made me realize the reason it’s hit me so hard is because I never told him what an amazing person he was to me. I never even considered it until it was too late and he know longer knew who I was. I don’t usually comment on these type things. But this one was just too close to home. Thank you. I needed to hear this today. Thank you. So many times your writing has got me through a dark spot. Thank you. For being you.
    And as a Slytherin, Mr Rickman, you will be so missed.

  193. There’s something that bothers me about people getting so upset about celebrity deaths, and it’s this: You don’t know these people. You only know the face and characters they present to the media. You THINK you know them, but you don’t. Why do so many people get so emotionally invested in people they literally know nothing about personally? One excuse I heard was that “they helped me to find out who I was”. I’m sorry, but if you need someone else – who you don’t know, and who doesn’t know you – to tell you who are, you’re doing it wrong. No one can do that for you, you have to find out for yourself. Why are people not making blog posts like this for friends, family, teachers, etc. who have passed on, those they actually know, those who are the most influential in their lives? I suspect it’s because those posts wouldn’t be the ‘like’ and ‘share’ generators that celebrity posts are. It comes down to wanting attention. Essentially what it comes down to is selfishness and indulgence of the hivemind. And you know what? It’s kinda disresepectful to the actual friends and family of the celebrity, because it draws attention away from them when they actually need it. It’s too bad that more people aren’t admitting that.

    (I respect your opinion, but I absolutely disagree. I think his friends and family would appreciate that so many were touched by his art and that the world mourns with them. Finding artists, musicians, actors, writers, etc. who help you decide who you want to be can be an amazing thing. It can teach kindness and empathy in a way that can be so helpful when it comes to compassion and understanding. I hope you find that inspiration in your own life again and again because it is an amazing thing. ~ Jenny)

  194. I loved him in so many roles. I thought he was the most spectacular Sheriff of Nottingham ever. But my favorite was his role as Metatron in ‘Dogma’. I remember renting it and watching it with my kids, who were 14 and 12 at the time, and thinking I had to be the worst mother ever for allowing them to watch such irreverent (and brilliant) humor. But they were already smart and they got it. My now 30 year-old daughter broke the news of his passing to me this morning. She was crying when she told me.

    RIP, Alan Rickman. You were beloved, indeed.

  195. This loss is doubly devastating because it follows on the heels of one such as Bowie…. Alan Rickman has colored my life in a way that few newer actors can. It seems we are losing all the good ones. If this is victors fault I’ll be very put out. RIP Alan, you are going where the good ones go…. 😢

  196. I have to tell you, then. Jenny Lawson, you are helping to get me through a very dark time in my life. Dark and bitter like 80% cacao chocolate bars, and I just want some damn milk chocolate! You’re funny, you’re awesome, and completely unique. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Please don’t stop!

    “You don’t know the impact you have had. But at least I told you.”

  197. I have (and still do) lived under a rock most of my life. I only know Alan Rickman because of Harry Potter and Dogma. I don’t know anything about Bowie. But my wife. She’s shaken. And I love her for it. She has the same wish: That she’d been able to say hello, and thanks for what you do.

    So, Jenny Lawson, here’s a thank you from our house. You’re fabulous. I’m also pretty sure you’re my spirit animal. If you die, I will mourn, but when you come back to haunt me (in a good way), I will awkwardly attempt to high-five your ghost, and we’ll both look at each other like, “I fucked up. It was my bad.” Then we’ll smile at each other, and try again. Becuase we are determined to be fabulous all on our own. #RockIt. #GoGirl

  198. I burst into tears as well. I fell in love with him in Die Hard, fell more in love with Sense & Sensibility, Dogma and Truly Madly Deeply, and even though I wanted to slap the crap out of his character in Love Actually, I COMPLETELY got why his secretary wanted to tap that. And if I talk about him as Snape, I’ll start crying at work.

    Thank YOU, Jenny, for giving me a place to say how much I adored him without getting one of “those” looks from people who don’t understand.

  199. Fantastic article. Thanks for putting into words what the rest of us out here are feeling!

  200. Beautifully said. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    I also totally agree with your last remark, “men we think are incredibly sexy but that our husbands don’t understand”. I have my list and my hubby just doesn’t get it! Obviously not all of us like “pretty boys”.

  201. I run Dead People Server, so I’m a little more focused on celebrity deaths than many. Many, like Richard Libertini who was in his 80s when he died, I’ll smile when I add them as I enjoyed their work. Some, like David Bowie, might make my lower lip quiver a little. Rickman made me cry out and weep a bit. He should have had another decade of excellent work ahead of him. He was one of my favorite actors, a person I would love to have met. When he was shooting Dogma in Pittsburgh in the late ’90s, I kept looking for him, but I never did see him in real life. I loved his voice, but other people do sound a bit like him. A few years ago, I was at a conference where Neil Gaiman was speaking. Exhausted, I fell asleep. When I woke up a few minutes later, I was convinced I’d been listening to Alan Rickman speaking.

  202. This is everything that is in my heart today. Thank you so much for your insight and your own fearless decision to write publicly about your feelings. My sense of being torn asunder from the loss of so many talented writers, musicians and actors in the past few years is certainly better understood now by my heart. Keep writing.

  203. That is such a dear picture of him. I hate cancer. We have you to thank, Jenny Lawson, for the genuine, real, refreshing way you look at the world.

  204. Hugs sweetheart, I feel the same way. Thank YOU for giving me a place to know I am going to be OK when it gets dark, and for making me laugh, and for sharing my obsessions.

  205. Thank you, thank you, thank you for what you did for me. We’ll probably never meet or share more than just a few passing words, but I said it on Twitter on my birthday and I will say it again – you are the reason I know depression lies. And your words have helped me while I was deepest in the trenches.

    PS – please apprehend Victor as he must be stopped at once.

  206. Thank you so much for writing this. This was wonderful, sad, and made me cry. Losing Alan Rickman is such a huge loss.

  207. I just. I just can’t believe this. I think I’ve been living under a nice rock today. Cause me reading this is how I’m finding out he’s no longer gracing us with his light. I think I’m having an Alan Rickman marathon this weekend in memory. I never had the honour to meet him. But his presence on the screen was so powerful that you couldn’t help but be drawn in. You are lucky to have Victor who knows you enough to know how to break this news to you. Many hugs your way and to every Alan Rickman fan.

  208. We are all mourning Alan Rickman’s passing along with you. 🙁

    Thank you for this post, though, for articulating so well what so many of us have trouble saying in both words and in writing.

    Much love to you.

  209. Thank you for this heartfelt tribute. I, too, felt a weird connection to this marvelous actor and when I woke up this morning to the news of his passing, I cried my eyes out. Cancer is a motherfucker and I can’t bear to have one more of my heroes snuffed out by it.

    During the ride to school this morning, I broke the news to my kiddo. He loved Alan Rickman… from his role as the seriously misunderstood Snape in ‘Harry Potter’ to the exquisitely deadpan Alexander in ‘Galaxy Quest,’ that man brought us so much delight. As we were discussing his acting legacy, my son looked over at me and said, “He did a lot of good work in his life.”

    I couldn’t agree more. By Grabthar’s hammer…

  210. You articulated my feelings exactly. And thank you for coming to Seattle for your book tour so I had the chance to tell you in person how swell you are.

  211. Thank you for putting into words how I too feel about Alan Rickman. Such an amazing actor who could say so much by the mere extension and contraction of his hand (Sense & Sensability). And yes, we should Thank those people who made a difference in our lives – even if it was from a movie screen. He will be profoundly missed – the hunk that he was.

  212. Thank you for being you and thank you for always making me smile just when I think I’m no longer able to. HUGS

  213. I think my husband understood he sexiness of Alan Rickman. He had a man-crush on him ever since Die Hard.

  214. I am so very sad over Alan Rickman’s death. I adored all his roles, perhaps as Sandy in Truly, Madly, Deeply” was the first time I fell in love with him, although his Colonel Brandon had me screaming at Marianne “what is wrong with you? why are you not throwing your panties at this man?”. He ‘always’ personified the perfect gentlemen, witty, intelligent, sensitive and strong. Maybe his bad guys weren’t so big on the sensitivity points. You, too, Jenny, are witty, intelligent, sensitive and strong (although clearly no gentleman 🙂 ). Thank you for being you, and for sharing with us.

  215. I agree with everything you said about Alan Rickman – he brought so much to our lives. But, I have to add one thing, and I hope you won’t be offended, but Alan Rickman did NOT say that he would be reading HP books in his rocking chair when he was 80 years old. It is a beautiful and moving quotation, wrongly attributed to AR but no record of where the quote actually originated. Thank you again, I love your writings.

  216. When I heard the news, all I could think was, WTF universe?

    Thank you, Jenny, for being you. Helping us be us.

  217. And just so I have told you in case of a freak swan or taxidermy, or swan taxidermy, accident that YOU inspire me, make me feel normal, make me laugh and make me cry. Thank you for being as weird and wacky as the rest of us, and thank you for making us all not feel so alone.

  218. What a lovely, yet heart wrenching post. Thank YOU, Jenny, for putting words to things that I never was able to. Thank you for the laughter, the tears, the tribe, and for also understanding how impactful the loss of these great, great men truly is for many of us. <3

  219. It’s weird how certain celebrity deaths hit us harder than others. i guess it’s not that weird but this one…it’s a hard one for me. He was so wonderful and I’m thankful he left a legacy that I can continue to revisit.

  220. Thank you, Jenny, for sharing yourself with us. I thought it was sweet of Victor to take you to coffee, but, please tell him if something happens to my other celeb hubby, Paul McCartney, I’m sending the police over to question Victor…..

  221. And now let us thank you for being who you are and for putting yourself out here for us so that we may know you and learn from you and admire you and love you and cry with you. But most importantly, let us thank you for letting us laugh with you…and at you…because some days are just one laugh away from “the depths of despair”. And you, my dear lady, are that one laugh that saves us.

  222. I had this Facebook message interaction with my husband this morning when I found out:

    Me: Not Alan Rickman, too?!?
    Steve: So it would appear. What other vaguely evil fantasy movie pseudo-villains are there? Wondering who’s next.
    Me: Tim Curry, but is he 69?
    Steve: Were both of them 69? That’s weird.
    (both scurry to Google)
    Me: SHIT! HE IS!
    Steve: Oh God, he is!!! That IS creepy. The other two kept their cancer secret, so we won’t know until it happens.

    Poor Tim Curry. He will be missed. In all seriousness, I’m really sad about Alan Rickman and have been really sad about David Bowie. They will definitely be missed.

    Thanks for this post, Jenny, and thanks for being YOUR gracious self at your Milwaukee signing. I was nearly the last one through, and you smiled like you weren’t exhausted (even though you had to have been). I asked you to sign my quote book with something from your first book, and today I added an Alan Rickman quote to it: “If only life could be a little more tender and art a little more robust.” I think you’re doing your part to make that happen.

    (btw, did you and Haley like your necklaces? Just curious.)

  223. You are deeply loved and treasured, Jenny. And I am seriously just torn up over Alan Rickman. I loved that man. Loved. Colonel Brandon is one of the best Austen men, and he could not have been more perfect. He was just so great in everything, though. I couldn’t believe it this morning.

  224. Thank you for your bravery, vulnerability and for teaching the most important lesson to tell people everyday how much they mean to you.

  225. Jenny, I totally understand weeping for the loss of someone that you have never met. There are so many ways that our souls can interact with one another and an entertainer and their audience is one way. Writer and reader is another. Being drawn inexplicably to a famous person that you have never met is acknowledging that connection. I cried inconsolably for days after John Lennon died and miss him tremendously. He was a part of my soul, as Alan Rickman et al were a part of yours. Mr. Rickman was a tremendous actor and it is our loss indeed.

  226. And let us thank you for being who you are and putting yourself out here so that we may know you and love you and admire you and draw strength from you and cry with you. But more importantly, thank you for letting us laugh with you…and at you…because some days are just one laugh away from “the depths of despair”. And you, my dear lady, are that one laugh that saves us.

  227. Both men were British.
    Both men were 69.

    I’m holding my breath for #3.

    P.S. I feel compelled to catch the next flight to Heathrow Airport so I can put Tim Curry in a protective, plastic bubble.

  228. The “hug” pick just slays me….I’ve already had my crying bout about Rickman earlier, so I’m glad now to have something about him to smile over. My husband and I watched an Eddie Izzard concert the other night, on disc. I found it much, much funnier than he did…I’m just so happy that he never asked me why I was laughing that hard.

  229. Thanks for being so sensitive, eloquent and weird. And, so often, speaking for the rest of us.

  230. The news of his death was the first thing I heard on the radio when waking this morning. It broke my heart. His voice could melt an iceberg. Godspeed Mr. Rickman.

  231. Fuck cancer. I am OVER IT this year. 2016 has had a pretty abysmal start.

    Thank YOU, Jenny, for being the leader of this band of misfits and weirdos. I’m proud to be a member of this tribe.

  232. THESE words. The need I have to tell these incredible people thank you for touching my life in ways that were never obvious to anyone but me. And on the other side of that, the knowledge that I’ll not be able to do anything about it. But just so I don’t miss it – thank YOU for sharing yourself and for reminding me to do something more than just observe.

  233. You were, absolutely, hands down, the first person I thought of when I heard this news this morning. I too shed a tear. Die hard is one of my all time favorite moves (not to mention my favorite Christmas movie) and yes, it’s because I think Bruce Willis is both a phenomenal actor and a gorgeous man, but it’s also because Alan Rickman, as Hans Gruber – PLEASE! The best! We’re all thinking of you today as we mourn one of the great! I hope you continue draw inspiration (and many more wonderful books) from Alan Rickman’s legacy!

  234. Oh, this is so beautiful. I laughed at the PS. and then I cried. It’s just so unbelievable.
    And thank you, for this!

  235. Thank YOU, Jenny. Your writing always makes me laugh or makes me think and those are two of my favorite things to do with my time.

  236. I immediately thought of you when I heard the news this morning. So sorry sister – he was a great one! What a bummer to lose him and David Bowie in the same week – both of them but 69 years old. Just finished Furiously Happy, so your many references to him were still fresh. Be furiously sad for a minute then switch back to furiously happy…. which I am because I gave the book to my daughter (22 yrs old) to read on a flight yesterday. Text from her upon landing: This book is incredible. I made the women next to me very uncomfortable.

  237. Amazing and terrifying, you are either trolling me or have scanned my brain and found a way to download my thoughts. Are we in the Matrix? Be safe Neil Gaiman, Prince, and Eddy Izzard! Victor, we beg you to stop.

  238. Echoing what so many have said. You are Alan and David and Neil and Patrick to US, Jenny. Thank you for everything.

    Alan Rickman was Marvin in Hitch hiker’s Guide. That made me sob and I don’t know why.

  239. I didn’t grow up knowing Bowie, and never really ‘discovered’ him on my own either, so I mostly just watched respectfully as others mourned his passing recently. But this one touched me. Mostly because I don’t even watch many movies but he was such a great actor, you just got sucked into his performance – every movement he made seemed to be with purpose. He was captivating to watch! And honestly, his performance in Sense and Sensibility has got to be the most romantic portrayal of a character I’ve ever seen. It feels so odd to say goodbye to a person I never even knew but felt a kinship with because of his talent. Yet here we all are, in the same boat.
    Anyway. Thanks for providing a place for us to talk out our feelings about things like this.

  240. You’d think I’d know by now not to read your books or blog while at work. I go from laughing so hard I’m wheezing to today being in tears. Thank god for my office door.

    Funny how the passing of someone you never knew can make you grieve their absence, and just as much feel for the loss of those who knew & loved him. I think Rowling’s tweets this morning said it best.

  241. Victor is a good man. It has to help just a little to know that he cares enough about you to try and soften this blow just a bit and also to know how to get you to laugh just a bit in the middle of it.

  242. I was feeling silly that this touched me so much more than Bowie’s death. There was something special about Rickman. If you’ve never seen it, go and find an underrated 80s movie called January Man. It stars Kevin Kline, but Rickman plays his best friend, an artist named Ed, and it will always be the role that I remember him in.

  243. oh Bloggess, I had this reaction about Bowie and I adored Alan Rickman too. To make matters worse, on the train today i went on Linked In and discovered that that my beloved Dissertation Adviser had “endorsed me” for skills I’m sure she didn’t even understand because I changed fields after finishing. She died 10 days ago, and I went on LinkedIn and there she was endorsing me…she must have done this right before she left. It was like being hugged from the grave but so sad too. Thanks for your sweet post today. It helps, and I want you to know that I feel you. I’m right there next to you. Hang in, and so will I.

  244. Such a great talent, such an amazing human. Such a fucked up start to 2016. First Bowie & now Rickman. Two of my heroes. If something happens to Neil, Victor is in big trouble. We are crying with you.

  245. “I’m crying over Alan Rickman for the same reason I cried when we lost Ray Bradbury. Because I never got to tell him how much his work meant to me. ” This is perfection. Exactly how I feel!

  246. And thank you, Jenny, for your fierce forthrightness about who you are, your words and deeds have made me feel so much more welcome in this world than I once did.

  247. I know….yesterday was the first day I didn’t cry (much) over David Bowie. I couldn’t even begin to explain how much he meant to me – yes, absolutely more than 99% of the people I have met in “real” life.

  248. I recommend The Return of the Native on Audible. Even if you don’t want to hear the story, you can melt in the velvet tones of his delicious voice.
    And thank you Jenny for lots of things that you will never know. Getting me through chemo, making me feel less alone, and bringing my attention to giant metal chickens at HEB. My world is a funnier, less alone place because of you.

  249. Do you see how many comments you have? Yet again. I don’t even know if you get the time to read them all. But here’s my point. To many you are a celebrity. You are loved, honest, funny, inspiring. To many you are their Alan Rickman. As a writer myself, I devour your blog posts. I normally don’t comment, but this post stood out to me.
    Thank you for being you.

  250. Thank you for this post. And thank you for YOU. The number of times I have read your words that so completely perfectly express the thoughts in my own head better than I ever could is a very large number. It helps to have those experiences.

  251. I lost my husband to cancer almost 5 months ago. In addition to thanking folks, I have made it a priority to tell people I love that I love them. It throws them off a little bit at first but my friends have gotten used to it.

    I’ve been crying all morning for Alan Rickman. I cried almost all day on Monday for David Bowie. Of course, peppered in there, is me crying for my Mark (which I do a little everyday) who also didn’t understand my deep love for David Bowie and Alan Rickman (although he did enjoy Rickman’s films). Thank you for this post and for all of the others that I never thanked you for.

  252. RIP Professor. I think he was brilliant but woefully underrated in the Harry Potter films because the dickhead Academy didn’t give credit where credit was due. One of my other favorite of his roles of course was Colonel Brandon. The scene where he rescues Marianne is one of my all time favorites. Just more evidence that cancer is an asshole.

  253. Thank YOU. For putting words to my grief. For making me smile. For so many things. The world has lost so much amazing talent this week and it is so damned hard.

  254. I feel like the reason we become so attached to these people who “you’ve never met, how can you be sad about them” is because we live their lives with them and become part of the character they perform. For me, he was -my- Snape. I let Snape into my life in book form as the mean professor who wouldn’t leave poor Harry alone. I tolerated him because Dumbledore told me he was good. I bonded and encompassed him AND FINALLY ACCEPTED HIM as he lie dying from his fatal encounter with Nagini. How dare I not see who he was before he gave Harry that memory? Dammit self! I openly wept and my heart lie bleeding for a man who gave so much of himself for the one and only person he loved. And then I met Snape onscreen and immediately Alan Rickman stole the show. His talent to so completely embrace and become the person who was so formed in my mind was awe-inspiring. He continued to do this with every character he played onscreen for me. There are people who are good at what they do, and then there are people like Alan Rickman who blow those people out of the water. So, yes, I can be sad about someone with such raw talent whom I have never met because it is horrible that all we are going to be left with someday are people who are not Alan Rickman or people of his caliber.

  255. I am utterly heartbroken at the loss of Alan Rickman, myself. The man was a god among men.
    And on the note of thanking people who have changed our lives- Thank you Jenny! I can’t tell you how much your blog and your books have meant to me. Before I found your, via Beyonce, the big metal chicken, I didn’t know what my issue was. I had no idea why I sometimes flip out and want to hide, or why I become a bitch when I am feeling crowded. I didn’t own up to my depression, and I didn’t know that anxiety disorders even existed. And now I do, and I know now that self care is important. You have made a massive, positive impact on my life and I love you for it. That, and you are DAMN funny.
    -Lou

  256. I wrote the following for my personal Facebook page this morning, and it’s full of movie spoilers, but I think other members of this tribe will be able to understand why Alan Rickman was so special to me:

    “I know it’s ridiculous to feel so bereft, because I didn’t know him personally. But he’s been my favorite actor for well-nigh 20 years. His performance in Sense and Sensibility brought me comfort during one of the darkest times in my life. This is not an exaggeration. When I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder in early 1996, I’d been prescribed anti-depressants but they hadn’t started to work yet. I felt hopeless, numb, and tired of being alive, but a friend forcibly dragged me to see the movie which had just come to the theater in the small city where we lived. I hadn’t left my apartment in weeks. Although I’d been a fan of Jane Austen & the novel, I didn’t want to be at the theater that day because I had long since stopped deriving any pleasure from books or movies. I didn’t really care about Elinor or Edward Ferrars or the other characters. The first part of the movie actually made me feel more depressed and I wanted to leave. But then Colonel Brandon showed up and Alan Rickman’s voice was very soothing, so I decided to stay. And by the time he carried Marianne in from the rain, it was the first time in months I experienced a feeling other than “despondence” or “nothing”. I felt relief, and a minuscule flicker of happiness and hope. It was the first time I remember feeling like I might eventually be OK. Not right away, but someday. (And though it took a while, I eventually did get better.) Since then, Alan Rickman’s Colonel Brandon has been a symbol, not necessarily of romantic love, but the sort of care offered by friends who have seen me at my lowest moments and figuratively carried me inside from the rain. The image of Rickman’s Brandon is now the part of my emotional toolkit that reminds me to be as consistently kind and patient with myself as Colonel Brandon was with Marianne. A lesser actor would not have made the same impression, and I’ve always been thankful for that, and for the enjoyment I’ve had in watching Alan Rickman’s other films over the years.”

  257. When you realize you copied your comment from a previous post and then realize you’d messed the original comment up and had posted a correction. F Me.

    Re: comment #12. Doh, not Notting Hill – Love Actually. (And now comment # 178)

  258. Thank you for making it ok for me to cry about this. I really wanted to, but I felt a little ridiculous.

  259. The world just got a little less shiny…

    I’ve had my three good-bye’s for the year. My oldest and best friend, then David Bowie, who we danced to as teenagers, and now Alan Rickman, whose amazing voice always made me shiver with delight. sniffle… kleenex?

  260. I will feel that way when the world loses Leonard Cohen. Beginning way back when I was 15 or 16 he seeped into my soul. He held my hand and sang to me through the nights that I would cry myself to sleep because I was so different that no one else would speak to me. I have often wanted to send him a letter to tell him “thank you” for helping me get through life but I have no idea where to send it…besides, it would probably be just another piece of paper among millions. But I guess at least I would know I said thanks.

  261. Are you me??????????????? It was not like reading an article, it was like coming from inside of me, my brain and my heart. x

  262. We don’t thank enough people, and we don’t say thank you enough, that is right. It is little comfort for those of us who believe that at some point in our journey, people just know, just find out. Thank you, Jennifer.

  263. No, don’t thank us. Thant you! You’ve given many people much joy, and that’s wonderful and important, and so are you. And thank you for reminding us to thank the people who influence us. I plan to try and do this more often.

  264. Thank you to you too Jenny. I recently found you when my sister gave me a copy of “Furiously Happy”. I was so shocked to see and recognize alot of myself in your writings. I’ve never been diagnosed with anxiety or depression, but I’ve always wondered if I wasn’t a little different. I was embarrassed to think about getting a doctors diagnosis. I just dealt as best I could. I’m still working towards actually going, but I realize I’ve got no reason to be embarrassed and if a family member isn’t supportive, f-k them. Thank you for giving us all a case of the giggles and for showing us what courage is. Sometimes, just getting up in the morning deserves a Medal of Valor.

  265. Thank you for making me feel significantly less abnormal for being a little broken and weird. Your humor, honesty, and talent for writing have made my life a little brighter.

  266. It’s such a sad day. Thank you for giving me hope that I’m not alone in what seems like my crazy. I will never be able to explain just how much your words have meant to me. I want everyone to read your books and get to know you so they can understand me.

  267. Thank you for making me feel significantly less abnormal for being a little broken and weird. Your humor, honesty, and talent for writing have made my life a little brighter.

  268. You. I have long been grateful for you and your ability to make me laugh in an empty room until tears come out my eyes and my pets look at me like I’m insane and your truly unique perspective which makes me wish I had your number so I could text you for consultation when, for example, my six year old daughter brings home a list of people she believes she can control with her mind. But only now, now that I am aware of your list of “men we find incredibly sexy but that our husbands don’t understand”, do I realize that we are in fact sisters. feeling so close to you now It is very important to me that you know how thankful I am that you are alive and sharing yourself with all of us.

  269. I agree with ereene above. This one does feel so very personal. Like a real friend died.

    Jenny, Please tell Victor to stop. I can’t take much more.

  270. Your husband deserves uber brownie points for KNOWING your list – I would not be worried unless you hear that Law & Order music around him when he mentions them… I didn’t know who Neil Gaiman was, but your list is perfect except I will see your Neil and raise you one Bruno Mars. Thank you for being you and blogging!! <3