I’m still alive but I’m super busy doing something I want to tell you about but I can’t say it out loud because I’m afraid I’ll jinx it so just rest assured that it’s something that 10% of you will say “OMG THAT IS THE BEST NEWS EVER!” and 50% will be like, “Okay.  Sounds cool” and “20% will be like,’How did I get here?  I was looking for sloth p0rn‘” and 30% will be like, “This post is too long.  I’ve already stopped reading” and 5% will be like, “You’re already at 115%  This is not how math works.”  But I promise to write soon.  Like maybe even today.  But until then just watch this video of a cat being bathed.  Because it is awesome and you probably need it.

You are welcome.

More soon.


112 thoughts on “I AM STILL ALIVE.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Percentages adding up to more than 100 is fine, as long as the options aren’t mutually exclusive. So that IS how math works.

  2. My cats would never stand for that. (I’m in the 10% that will say “OMG THAT IS THE BEST NEWS EVER!” – Congrats!)

  3. Maybe you are gathering enough Rory’s for an Oprah sized give away. Yup. That’s it !

  4. Is there really such a thing as ‘Sumu Sumu” cat soap? I wonder how popular it is. My cat prefers just to scratch my arms up until I’m hemorrhaging all over the house. Not a fan of the bath. Not like this kitty

  5. I don’t care what you are working one – I will love it and share it with all my friends. Because it is from YOU.

    Unless it’s sloth porn. I’ve got that base covered already.

  6. Why couldn’t I just watch the cute video instead of worrying the whole time about the bathwater overflowing?

  7. My goal in life now is to have a cat that wants to be bathed like that and doesn’t scratch my eyeballs out every time I try to spray water gently at it.

  8. I think you’d be surprised how many of us fall into that last 5%. I bet there’s at least 47% of us.

  9. That video kills me dead. That smug look with that silly towel on his (her?) head. Plus, bath toys?
    Will wait for your news patiently. Or impatiently.

  10. I wasn’t worried that you weren’t alive because I figured that an alert would go out if something had happened. All of us strangelings would just know and then flock to TX. Then again I am going to Dallas next month…

    Nevermind, whatever it is you’re working on, GO YOU!

  11. Are you writing another book? Cause that´ll be cool.. ya know, Like 100% 🙂

  12. So glad you’re alive, because I needed to see this video. I want to be as calm as that cat right now. I must know its secret!!

  13. Do you see that little tail whip very subtle in the background? The slight uptilt of the chin? The narrowing of the eyes? This cat is taking notes and making a plan. There is no way this ends well for the humans.

  14. The 10% of us that love it will probably be strange enough to brew a potion to auto-correct your jinx, so it all really evens out.

  15. Please tell me youre not making a skin suit out of Victor. Please post a pic of Victor holding todays paper, we havent seen him in days and need proof of life…

  16. Thanks for posting this…was worried you were in a bad place. Now I can get back to fretting over people I actually know. ❤️

  17. I’m sure a percentage that was looking for sloth porn also quit reading so when you add up all the crossover numbers it comes to 100%.

  18. How did you know I needed to see a cat in a bath? You are alive and a mind-reader. Love.

  19. I just thought you were recovering from your road trip and compiling footage from your ghost sightings.

  20. I’ll be in the 10% that thinks ‘whatever it is’ is the best news ever… and that’s the best Purrncess Leia ever!

  21. I can’t watch the video because the still looks too much like a cat doing Princess Leia cosplay.
    And reading through the comments I see I’m not the only one who feels that way.
    This is where I belong.

  22. Congratulations on being selected to be the first human to explore another planet as part of the Keep Mars Weird Program! (Did I guess right?)

  23. Yay!! You survived the Road Trip -vacay & NOW you have good news!! I’ll look forward to hearing/reading/seeing THAT!! Thanks for the funny cat bath video, I enjoyed it ☺. PS I am also still alive…😉 I loved Both of your books, Jenny. Thank you, your words mean So much 💜!!

  24. Is it a coloring book for us? It’s a coloring book, isn’t it? I bet it’s a coloring book.

  25. The cat video is everything. I posted it to my page yesterday. I literally laughed out loud ! 💜✨

  26. Strangely hypnotic. The video of the cat being bathed…not your blog.

  27. Was that the cat’s tail flipping in the water or a kitten drowning? I mean, gee whizamaroo Jenny, I am completely discombobulated by this dangerous and disturbing video. Also might I add–Where are the cat’s arms and why does he have Princess Leia’s hair? Really, it’s just all too much. Sigh. I’m thinking now that wasn’t even a real cat! It was one of your stuffed cats that you had Victor robotize–because honestly how many real cats do you know that would be so cool and calm after someone disappeared your arms, dressed you as Princess Leia, sprayed water on you, and drowned a kitten next to you? Well, yeah, sure you know a lot of cats like that but over here on the non-drowning kittens side of the fence we don’t roll that way! Sigh. Now give that cat back its arms–they are probably in the dog’s bed or your underwear drawer . . . Well look again, missy! 😜

  28. I don’t blame you for not saying it out loud and believing in jinxing stuff because of one over-enthusiastic, ‘Unh – huh – unh – huh’ – I’ve learned that lesson, as well, too well.

    I’m in the underestimated 10% that is really the (now) overexcited like Christmas 90%… I’m sure 10% just haven’t found you yet… you made the math too hard…too many variables 🙂

  29. Yay! That is totally how math works, but I have the flu so who knows.. Also, I need that video on a loop pronto.

  30. I am 110% excited already!!! I love when you’re excited about something, it’s just so infectious! JENNY you are INFECTIOUS!!! omg!

  31. Yeah, even my water loving labradors aren’t that chill for a bath (sole exception when they got hit by a skunk, when both jumped in the tub without prompting). What keeps moving in the background though? A tail? Kind of looks like a kraken tentacle but theres only the one….

  32. Is anyone friends with Allie Brosh? I’m a little worried because she’s been completely MIA since her book came out. And that was a WHILE ago.

    (I heard from her a few months ago. She’s working on her next book still. ~ Jenny)

  33. I encourage my students to “stop doing meth” during my class. “Did you say meth?” “Meth, math, neither is good for you.”

  34. Your books are going to be turned into tv show, right ? I would LOVE that! jg in FW

  35. Maybe it is a check all that apply question. Like maybe some of the people looking for sloth p0rn also think it is the best news ever, even if they don’t know how they got here. Check all that apply questions add up to more than 100%–math totally works that way.

  36. So I am thinking of……book#3? Cause you could combine a Michigan book tour/Hailey’s first snow…perhaps early 2017? Up North Mi is beautiful any time of year! And you could take home a fresh new deer head!! ……just saying….

  37. I wish ANY cat I ever lived with would sit still for a bath like that. Just ONE.

    I’m so tired. Anything I can read of yours is good, 125%.

  38. What kind of drugs is that cat on? ‘Cause that looks like some kind of serious anti-anxiety stuff right there.

  39. Thank you for that adorable video. I am in awe. Way back before I knew I was allergic to cats, I had a cat. We tried to bathe her. She climbed the plastic shower curtain, shredding it as she went, all the way up to the curtain rod.
    Also, since you got me started looking at critter videos, I found a story about a therapy raccoon.

  40. I’m so excited you’re working on something and I’m sure we will all be happy to see it, Furiously Happy, to see it. See what I did there? Uh huh, I’m awesome. Oh yeah and I’m glad you’re alive, too. Bad that that was an afterthought. Ok I’m gonna shut up now and watch that cat video again.

  41. i’m so surprised that people think that is a leia bun towel, when it’s obviously HEADPHONES! headphones and rubber duckie for the kittie! now i can go to bed happy.

  42. I don’t know why, but you being dead NEVER crossed my mind. Like, I noticed the no-Sunday-post thing, but still. It just wasn’t a possibility. The universe wouldn’t do that. George R.R. Martin is NOT God. So, yeah. I just figured you were still roadtripping and a Russian Wolfhound ate your wifi right before you taxidermied the hell out of it. Also, Russian Wolfhound? That’s a thing. They’re abnormally large looking from the side and like 6″ across when you look at them dead on. I don’t know why. Every time I see one I think it’s whole skeletal and organ structure must be sideways or something. How else does it fit? Also, I was pet-sitting one once and it had a seizure. And, the owners never even told me this was a thing with her. Weirdest. Day. Ever.

  43. It works if you start them when they’re tiny kittens. Bring them in the tub with you. Don’t try to wash them, just let them play. (In other words, lull them into a false sense of security…)

    Trying to distract myself from untenable suspense. Won’t be sleeping a wink tonight.

  44. How is no one bleeding in that video? I dress like a hockey player to bathe my cat and still have to ward off attempts to disembowel me.

  45. Wow, that’s WAY too much math for me this early in the morning. The cat bath video, though… you’re right, I definitely needed that. =^-^=

    Happy mysterious project day!

  46. Comment 44 reminded me of the Scrubs episode I watched… so while we are waiting for your big announcement (!!) here’s a clip.

    (spoiler alert: the janitor has a whole taxidermied squirrel army!)

  47. 80% of me is very eager to hear what you’re working on. 15% of me is plagued that I just ended that sending with the word “on.” 10% of me seriously sucks at math. Know anyone who does taxes? Asking for a friend.

  48. Hooray! So you haven’t been off’ed by Victor is some random accident involving chicken bones and cats, while we are left to wonder if we will ever hear from you again in internet land! Thank God! lol I just wanted to tell you that my life over the last several months has been a bit challenged – marital problems, finding out I’m never having children, mid-life crisis at 34…you know, the usual. But your blog and your books have been so incredibly therapeutic for me! Whenever I need a good laugh, I know I can turn to you. You are a flippin GODDESS. Stay amazing. And best of luck with your new project!!!!

  49. I don’t know why this post made me think of this, but they kept playing the audio to this clip on the radio station the other day and asking people to call in if they knew what it ways. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmMXL6w-Y5A
    The “assistant” at the radio station had no clue, but the dj knew (obviously) and tons of people were calling in with the right answer. Apparently she and I are the only people in this town who don’t watch turtle porn on the regular because I also had no clue.

  50. Tessmallory asked my questions – where are the arms? I wondered if the arms are, somehow, IN the Princess Leia hair doo-dah…

    what’s this about sloth porn? Now, I need to search for that. I was supposed to search for a seaside village in Spain, but now I want sloth porn Dang!

  51. And, now I’ve been introduced to the sloth porn world, and I’m wondering what sorts of ads are going to be popping up on my computer after typing that in my google search bar.

    You are not good for my, Bloggess. No, you are not.

  52. You make me laugh out loud every day. I just really, really love your site! REALLY!

  53. I’m late to the party but was I the only one worried the water would overflow that bathtub?

  54. YAY she’s back! Found another site while waiting for her return: lemonmarshmallow.com

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