Pokemon Go is making it weird.

So, Pokemon Go just sent out an update that lets your trainer appraise your pokemons (Pokemen?  Pokemi?) and that seems nice, except that I rename all of my creatures so this happened:

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Umm…thank you?

 

143 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Most hilarious names I’ve seen all day for pokémon GO. I’ve been very slack and don’t play anywhere nearly enough.

    Gary Lum recently posted How to combine chicken and pork into a delicious recipe for pork pullers.

  2. Bahahaha! The names were great to begin with, but with the extra commentary I’m dying.

  3. This is amazing.

  4. Pokemon Go opens a channel of inspiration never before discovered by human minds…until now.

    jwgoodman recently posted Hot As Hell.

  5. Too funny! Thanks for the chuckle!

    Lisa Orchard recently posted Friendship: A Slice of Life Post.

  6. I love those 😀

  7. OMG. 😂😂😂

  8. This is great, you win the interwebs for best names, 🙂

    Sin recently posted It may not be pretty.

  9. 9
    Deborah Rowan

    Do you have a Licketung yet???? You don’t even need to rename that one. I’m amazed it even exists.

  10. Made the mistake of reading this while drinking a delicious beer. Madeit to ‘sad blow job’ before the choking fit.

  11. Oh my stars I can’t stop laughing now.

  12. Oh my stars I can’t stop laughing now.

  13. lol…thank you for this! Time to get creative as all of mine still have their original names and that is so boring!

  14. Sad Blow Job would be a good band name! (then it would be a good thing if people said the music sucks)

    Brian recently posted I can’t even.

  15. Note to self: have my Angry Doom Vagina (aka Cloyster) appraised when I get off work.

    Spoken Like A True Nut recently posted According to my data, algae is the least of Rio’s pool problems..

  16. Read this to my husband and his only problem with this was “shouldn’t that be louse”

  17. Freakin’ A, I am so glad I don’t live in your ‘hood. I would HATE to go up against your Big Chubby. It’s just too big.

    (My big chubby is a little intimidating. ~ Jenny)

  18. This is the best thing.

  19. You. Are. Awesome.

  20. OMG I can’t stop laughing. That is the best thing ever.

  21. This update is going to make me name more Pokémon.

    I already renamed my Likitung “Mom”, so this is gonna be great. (Your Mom)
    Also Cloyster named “Hairy Clam”…. oooooooh guess what I’m doing after wok.

    nerril recently posted It includes everything pictured…right?.

  22. Ummm, shouldn’t it be MADAM Ovary?

  23. You gave me a laugh today – and I needed one! Thanks!

    Janet Coburn recently posted Muse Blues.

  24. Your ovary is amazing. Love it.

  25. 25
    Rogue Hamster

    I wish my ovaries were more that motivated. Mostly they watch Netflix.

  26. I FUCKING LOVE YOUR BRILLIANT MIND!!! LMAO!!!!

  27. Thank you for this, you are awesome

  28. Oh man, you have me doing the squeaky desperate trying-to-stay-silent laugh at my desk.

  29. This wins the internet today. And PokemonGo.

  30. And this might cause me to try Pokemon Go….

  31. That. is. fabulous.

  32. This is amazing.

  33. Laughing so hard I can’t see. This one’s in my top five. Thank you, thank you!!

  34. Choking on my onion rings right now. Ketchup everywhere!

  35. Snerk. You’ve made Pokémon even more fun.

  36. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who renames them like this!

    actualconversationswithmyhusband recently posted Ghosts on a Boat.

  37. Totally hilarious! I must spread the joy of ‘sad blow job’ and share this with friends. Thank you for the laugh!!

  38. Isn’t the plural of Pokemon “Pokepotemi?”

    Also: really, spellcheck?? You let me get away with that but you autocorrect every other damn word I use??

  39. I tried to convince The Viking that we should play Pokémon Go but he said, and I quote “FUCK THAT!!” because he doesn’t like me to have fun while I’m with him. But Mim plays and I am so sending this to her. She’ll pee her pants laughing and I really like making her pee her pants.

    Mrs. Completely recently posted Toilet Paper, a Swiss Army Knife and a Massacre.

  40. The Ovary one on merchandise, please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  41. lol You need one named schweddy balls.

  42. Oh, that backfired in the most glorious way! 😂

  43. Omg that is too funny

  44. This is hilarious and I don’t even play the game!

  45. My daughter found this kid with a high pitched icepick to the brain voice on YouTube singing a song about “I love PokemonGo” and so now it plays in my head whenever I see the words PokemonGo. I may have to go off the grid.

    Kelly recently posted I Did a Major Face Plant. The Good News is the Boobs Are Okay..

  46. I can not stop smiling. And wiping tears from laughing. 😂

  47. OMG that is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time.Your ovary does simply amaze us all.

  48. I haven’t checked in here in a very long while… Omg lol and holy… Yes you are still my people.

  49. This made me snort

  50. Oh god…your big chubby.

    Michelle recently posted Body Shaming and What I Learned From Trump.

  51. Love! Made me laugh on a severe anxiety day. Thank you!!!

  52. 52
    Crystal Pauley

    On my Lord, this makes me want to start playing, just so I can make up fun names!

  53. You forgot “Cunning Linguist”, ie: Trainer: Your Cunning Linguist pleases me. I wish I could tell you that orally!

    mydangblog recently posted My Week 99: Jet Lag Grumpiness, The Tragically Hip.

  54. 54
    scrappymags

    Yeah I tweeted the same thing earlier today lol and I rename mine as well:
    Mine is named Nice Beaver so this kinda happened:
    https://twitter.com/ScrappyMags/status/768500154563526656/photo/1

  55. That was awesome! You have the best Pokémon names and your trainer’s advice was hysterical. I needed this today.

  56. My kid renamed our Drowzee “poop tapir”

  57. I am very happy that you have a Big Chubby. I am jealous. I haz no Big Chubby. Can I take yours for a while? It’s so big! Also, I am happy that your lice is the biggest she has ever seen. Good job there. But the school nurse just called me and said I have to pick you up. them things is wicked contagious. Who knew?

    What about Choked Chicken or Skin Lizard?

    becomingcliche recently posted My Parenting Philosophy in Three Words.

  58. I just hurt something, laughing.

  59. 59
    Sarah_Madison

    I never get this lucky! No trainer has shown up yet to encourage me into hysterics. But then again, I haven’t been nearly as creative naming my Pokemon!

  60. My appraisal was similar to a sad visit to the gynecologist:

    “Let’s take a look at your Angry Vagina, shall we?”
    “Overall your Angry Vagina simply amazes me. It can accomplish anything!”
    “Your Angry Vagina is gigantic – the largest I’ve ever seen!”

  61. Sad blow jobs are the only kind I give, I’m ashamed to say.

  62. I am reminded of a certain SNL skit with Molly Shannon, Ana Gasteyer and Alec Baldwin…

  63. Does Sad Blow Job come with its own sad trombone sound? Asking for a friend.

    Chuck Baudelaire recently posted Books As Old As You.

  64. OMG your names for your Pokemon are almost enough to make me want to start playing lmao

    astreaward recently posted I don’t want to find out. I don’t want to know..

  65. This is the first thing I’ve seen that makes me want to play the game..

    theycallmetater recently posted “I Don’t Like Winona Ryder” and Other Stranger Things About My Wife.

  66. So silly question…how do you actually get a trainer? I’ll admit I finally broke down and downloaded it since my pedometer was becoming negative reinforcement (not enough steps = bad human) but beyond picking a team I’m still in the wander around and catch stuff phase (apparently there’s more to it?). Not as creative either apparently….

    (Click on where you transfer. It’ll let you choose “appraise”. ~ Jenny)

  67. 67
    Laura Stevenson Cox

    Pretty much automated adult Mad Libs, huh?

  68. That joys when you get to name your own characters and take advantage of the game’s other features. Well played. Well played.

  69. I’m just jealous that you have a Snorelax.

  70. I’m just crying in laughter. The names you chose are so wrong/right, but the commentary back is fantastic. Pokémon Go is winning, but Jenny Lawson won, y’all!

    Wendy Weir recently posted Other Podium-Worthy Performances.

  71. That was awesome and exactly what I needed on an otherwise crappy day!! Thank you!

  72. No you didn’t……..

  73. 73
    SurfaceofmRs

    My grumpy teenager even laughed at these! You are a hero!

  74. My Smelly Balls is named Gaseous Clay!

  75. I didn’t know you could rename them! scurries off to have fun

    amusingsoprano recently posted Painting pictures.

  76. Omg that’s so amazing. I loooooove it. I work in customer service (theme park store) and when people come in and I notice them playing Pokemon go I ask if I can rename their Pokemon. Almost all say yes and I give them random wackadoodle names like the bat one is dingbat. I can’t wait for when they get these messages bawhahaha. Ps this is all your fault I got the idea to rename them from you lol. Thanks for giving everyone so much joy in life we really owe you.

  77. I cannot fucking believe you named him Sad blow job.

    Mila recently posted Things that might or might not cause the end of the world.

  78. […] when First Lady Michelle Obama declared “who they go low, we go high” and I added to my ever growing list of things I admire about Michelle Obama and wish that I […]

  79. For weeks while my partner and I tried to find Grimer, we called him Free Hugs because of your post (and we didn’t know the real name). It is all your fault.

    Now— well. Um. I’m not going to use any of THOSE names in public. But in private, I’ll laugh hysterically.

    Dark Matter Zine recently posted A Shattered Empire: the story continues.

  80. Best.Laugh.Ever!!!!

    Nomads By Nature recently posted Parched Earth.

  81. 82
    bookdragonette

    This is almost enough to make me play PokemonGo (if only I weren’t opposed to getting a smartphone).

  82. Seems awfully invasive, and frankly I don’t want anyone judging my Smelly Balls except me!

    OMG Sad Blow Job made me laugh hysterically and I may have woken a child. I do not want to have to explain this to anyone!! HAHAHA

    Lisa recently posted I slept all weekend to avoid fighting.

  83. I had an egg hatch yesterday & I might have screamed “PONY DANZA”!

    Kara recently posted Damien Jurardo – On the Land Blues.

  84. Snort

  85. You simply MUST post a list of all your Pokemon names … the world needs to know!

  86. I don’t know the rules to this game, but it is CLEAR that you have WON.

  87. Haha 😀

    Someone posted a demonstration of what the trainers comments mean, stat wise. Underneath one of the comments read “Thanks for this – and also thanks for not using a pokemon named after genitals” and I thought, oh! I’m not the only person doing this then <.< >.>

    I um, haven’t figured out how to take screenshots on my phone, but some snippets of mine “Hi Kalindrea! Let’s take a look at your Wet Pussy, shall we?” – Vaporeon, ofc. “Your Bellend is so tiny, I almost didn’t notice it!” – Victreebell. “Your Purple Dong is rather sizeable, that’s for sure!” – Ekans.

    (yep, childish, no, not sorry :p)

  88. wiping tea off keyboard Best thing I’ve read all week! 🙂

  89. OMG pure genius.

  90. I don’t play but I almost wish that I did.

  91. Ah! hahahahha

    Lauren recently posted Is it Just Me?: Laundry Thievery.

  92. Coffee out my nose from laughter. Great way to start the morning! Off to find Clorox wipes to clean my keyboard.

  93. Holy Magikarp! After my crazy morning (rather literally), I definitely needed this laugh. “Let’s take a look at your smelly balls” is probably something every doctor has wanted to say to a male patient getting a physical.

  94. CRYING. OMG. Thank you.

  95. Spark’s are fecking amazing for a variety of genitals.

  96. Hakuna Rattata y’all!

  97. Its stats indicate that in battle your sad blow job will get the job done… And that’s really all we’re asking for, isn’t it?

    Libby recently posted Quick, Incomplete Snapshots of Our Story: August 25, 2011.

  98. OMG, hilarious! I love how just one ovary is so accomplished. Just think how powerful both of them are together!😂

  99. Better living through pharmaceuticals…………………….

  100. Wow! I am truly amazed by your sense of humor. I love it! I am officially a fan. You’re an inspiration to my journey in blogging. I enjoy your straight forward personality. I hope to connect with you sometime and pick your brains.

  101. BEST. EVER. AM DYING.

  102. Hmmmm, you ARE NUTS!

  103. Thanks! Also thanks if you managed to magic it onto my phone (So no kidding they must have just pushed the update to my phone…been transferring all day and had only 2 options and now appraise is there). The blue gal (I think?) seems fairly unimpressed with mine (though “the size of your lapras is…colossal” is an interesting use of ellipses (sis? One of the two anyway)

  104. And you are the Queen of Weird! 🙂

    The Hellion recently posted Are You Ashamed Of Your Body?.

  105. Oh God, I love those names. And combined with that update.. It certainly gave me a good laugh.

    I wonder how much more weird the next updates will make it.

    ramblesbytaygmailcom recently posted I am a jerk. And before anyone says otherwise, let me explain..

  106. ROTFLMAO

    Thanks for the giggle. 🙂

  107. I don’t know if anyone said this yet but being that I don’t have the attention span to read through EVERY comment…
    There’s a funny video on YouTube geared towards people playing Pokemon Go and the guy makes up new names and gets them all wrong and such to piss off the girl that actually enjoys Pokemon things. They aren’t nearly as awesome as these names but I think you would enjoy it.
    Also, there’s promise of kittens being shipped out in the back of Furiously Happy and as much as having a 6th cat in a two bedroom apartment is a bad idea….I want it. Can we make that happen?

    I also suffer from anxiety and my thoughts and words running a mile a minute. Thank you for showing me it’s ok to be who I am and then write it down and make it a book haha 🙂

  108. I wish my ovaries were amazing. They’re just sitting here right now. Not doing squat.

    bekahrigby recently posted I Run Twitter Accounts for Psychic Cats....

  109. 110
    Just Another Sarah

    Found this video right after reading your last Pokemon Go post about all the rattatas. This about sums it up: https://youtu.be/1siO-j7WHjA
    (Be careful though, once you listen you’ll get the damn song in your head every time you see another rattata)

  110. […] I play Pokemon Go – I find it entertaining. Those little critters are hilarious and adorable. For example, did you see the hilarious assessments of The Bloggess' renamed pokemon?? […]

  111. A friend changed Tangela to pubic hair! Guess I better start renaming mine too!! These are hilarious!!

  112. Brilliant!!!

    Karin @ Calm to Conniption recently posted Not So Naughty Gummy Bears.

  113. One (or more!) of these trainer sayings needs to be put on a T-shirt in your shop!

  114. It’s like modern Mad Libs. Kids today NEED this to stimulate their creativity. You should go out RIGHT NOW and teach elementary school. I’d send my kids, even though one’s a junior and the other’s in college. I think they have much to learn. (throws respect glitter)

    KatieComeBack recently posted Days of Wine and…Popcorn.

  115. I am laughing so hard right now. Thanks for sharing!

  116. Oh Jenny you crack me up! I so enjoy reading your blog!!!!

  117. Trust me–having giant lice is better than having a giant puss.

    Christopher recently posted Milking It..

  118. […] but I think #12 might win because it’s on whiteboard and I LOVE me some whiteboard… Let’s take a look at your Big Chubby. You have to see this Beagle puppy barking in his sleep. I […]

  119. 120
    Jessica aka LadyJWanderlust

    Why didn’t I think of that!!!! I loves PokemonGo

  120. Hey, she likes your puss! That’s so great!

    What?

  121. Is it wrong that I’m immediately sending this post to my 16 year-old son? I’m dying, he will too.

  122. […] you know that you can rename your Pokemon? Even if you are not of the Poke way this will make you laugh out loud! Oh and you must have a dirty mind. No dirty mind, just don’t […]

  123. hahahahahahahahahaha – I LOVE the names you chose. Why, you ask? I would have picked the exact same ones! Priceless!

    sjhebig recently posted To Crazy To Be Genuinely True, But Actually Are.

  124. Now that is funny. Maybe they should start a parallel Pokemon Go Universe and use names like these

    Slopoke recently posted Pokémon Go developer confirms it’s permanently banning cheaters 14 comments Don’t let the door hit ya By Samit Sarkar @SamitSarkar Aug 19, 2016, 12:44a.

  125. I’ve no idea of you’ll read this, but thank you so 7, I really needed the laugh this gave me!
    I know I can come to your blog and find a place that will lighten my brain for a while.

  126. Immediately shared with my Pokemon obsessed friend. I hope your blow job becomes less sad.

    kstewand4cats recently posted A Very Buggy Day.

  127. I don’t GO but I certainly enjoy your adventures. My husband GOes but doesn’t tweak the game, so he also doesn’t share his cool stuff. He should learn to share, dammit.

    emelle28 recently posted Hello!.

  128. See now that is nearly enough to get me to play Pokemon Go. I’m still waiting for the ghost/monster/horror version, because I’d be ALL ABOUT walking through scary places at night looking for terrifying things on my phone. I’d be a zombie shambling about in my own syfy movie.

    Jess @ NoPithyPhrase recently posted I'm Not Even That Caffeinated Today..

  129. This made me laugh so hard! After having a bad muscle day to where I couldn’t walk and anxiety, this made my day!

  130. this is amazing

    Sally recently posted Apartment Sweet Apartment.

  131. That is some funny stuff right there!!!

  132. You could not have planned any better for this. Thank you, Jenny. I really needed this laugh today. 🙂

  133. My husband named his Psy Duck Howsrd

  134. 135
    Crystal LikeTheStone

    This is hysterical!

  135. Thanks for the laugh! hysterical

  136. If I wasn’t sick I’d be laughing… this was great

  137. If I wasn’t sick I’d be laughing… this was great
    http://www.newsmartinfo.com/how-to-get-beautiful-hair/

  138. I renamed my Tentacruel to “Alien Sex Toy”. “Your AlienSexToy is smaller than average”… oh?

  139. That’s how you play it ♥ Follow me back 🙂

  140. OK, my husband just informed me he got a Sad Blow Job in the Tractor Supply parking lot Saturday night and I totally blame you, Jenny.

  141. Wow! this is hilarious

  142. Pokemon Go is making it weird. | The Bloggess

    […]Unlike different psychic service suppliers, seventh Sense just isn’t merely a shop window for psychics, letting anybody ply their wares on our webpage.[…]

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