This is a non-political political post so stop yelling at me.

So I’ve been hiding for a bit after posting a simple “NOPE” on twitter two days ago because everything on the news makes me want to stab myself in the eye and I can’t handle it mentally right now, but then I saw this political interview and it made me laugh, so yay for this.

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I mostly avoid talking about politics and the news because I like this to be a safe place where people can laugh and escape from all of the terrible bullshit that is happening in the world but people keep asking me so I will say that I was all for Bernie Sanders because I vote based on who I’d most trust to babysit my cats and drink with, but now I’m for Hilary since Bernie is out.  Victor is still undecided, which is really saying something since that man bleeds Republican and whenever I ask him if he’s decided yet he just sighs and puts his head down on the table.  I think he might be crying,

There’s a lot of that going around.

Ps.  Instead of fighting over which candidate is less bad here let’s instead talk about who you would vote for to run the country if everyone was on the table.  I vote David Tennant’s Doctor Who for president and Donna Noble for VP.  Also, I want Beyonce and the ghost of Audrey Hepburn to be in charge of smacking down people who are being assholes.  I don’t know if that’s a government position but it totally should be.  Your turn.

332 thoughts on “This is a non-political political post so stop yelling at me.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. BREAKING NEWS DISTRACTION! In case you want to see how oppressive and gangster-esque my high school is, check out the latest example of non-news:

    The candidate stuff, at least in this race, is mind-numbing and hilarious and tear-inducing and freaking awful and wonderfully illustrative of how goddamn absurd life is. I tried embracing it and wound up drinking too much. Breaks are good…

  2. I would love to see President Jean-Luc Picard, with VP Bones McCoy. It hink that would definitely be fantastic. Also, I’d love to have Tyra Banks cry yelling at people who want to whine and complain about how they hate how things are, but do nothing to make a difference. She’s great at that and I think a lot of people need it.

  3. I’m still for the Stewart/Colbert ticket. Or Colbert/Stewart. Honestly I don’t care, just get them in there. SAVE US.

  4. Obviously, you would be my first choice! But since that means you’d have to be in public and talk to PEOPLE (ew!), I wouldn’t want to subject you to that. So, I’d put you in the cabinet as Secretary in charge of playing with kittens. (and if you are more comfortable, it could be an actual cabinet so you can hide from other humans with your kitten army. But it’d be a really large, posh cabinet with a really good mini-bar!)

  5. Just tell Victor that a vote for Hillary is a republican vote. She is slightly to the right of Reagan on most policies that real republicans care about (Trump is slightly right of Mussolini, so really, no contest).

  6. I would vote for Paul McCartney. Because British accents are awesome, and because the Beatles. And we could have presidential concerts. Music makes the people come together. Just ask Madonna.

  7. I’ve also been wanting to hide from the Internet, there’s just so much hate lately and I get enough of that from my own brain, thanksverymuch.

    I’d vote Sirs Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart as Pres and VP, respectively. Because they’d be awesome.

  8. I would like to volunteer to help Beyoncé and Audrey’s ghost smack down assholes. I don’t need a salary or a title. Just a big stick. Thank you.

  9. If it helps you husband, Trump isn’t really a Republican. He’s just a narcissistic.. well, I liked this the other day:

    “Few people embrace the “racist” label, so let’s help them. If you are “very enthusiastic” about a candidate who has based his campaign on scapegoating immigrants, Latinos and African Americans, talked of banning Muslims from the country, hesitated to disown the Ku Klux Klan and employed anti-Semitic imagery — well, you might be a racist. But if you are holding your nose and supporting Trump only because you think him better than Clinton, that doesn’t put you in the basket.
    Yes, half of Trump supporters are racist
    Dana Milbank”

    Beth Burns

  10. I think Mrs. Garrett from “The Facts of Life” would make an excellent president. We need someone with an ample bosom, a pot of tea, and homemade cookies to comfort us after we’ve had a bad day. Plus, that woman was absolutely unflappable.

  11. I would vote for ROn Paul and Bernie Sanders. They would have just enough to squabble about to make it interesting, while still treating people like humans and not votes to get until you actually get in office.

  12. I agree with you on David Tennant’s Dr Who as president, George Takei for VP, the ghost of Mother Teresa as Secretary of State for Kindness, Dara O’Briain as Secretary of State for Health (coz laughter is the best medicine, right? Check out his monologues on video games and mixed marriages) and a selection of paralympians to run the Get Fit Dept – because the rest of us really have no excuses.

  13. At this point I’m exhausted from election talk, so I don’t know who’d be best except for you. Remember that “Bloggess for President” T-shirt? I’m going to wear that for the next 40-something days and to the polls.

  14. Now when you say Beyonce, do you mean Beyonce the singer or Beyonce your giant metal chicken? I honestly think this needs verification on your part my dear.

    As for my ideal choice for office, oh how I wanted Joe Biden to join the race. Where Obama was all calm and collected, Biden was like OH HELL NO. But that’s just my two cents.

    (Good point. I meant the singer. My giant metal chicken is more of a pacifist. He never hits anyone except for that time his leg fell off and he fell on a guy. ~ Jenny)

  15. I think I’d go for Laura Roslin (from Battlestar Galactica) for president, and Malcolm Reynolds for vice president. Laura Roslin already clearly has the presidenting thing down, and Malcolm would keep things good and not shady.

  16. Can you guys please change your constitution and keep Obama for another 8 years? By then the crazy might have abated and you can dip your toe back in the water for a new one. Signed – the rest of the world

  17. I <3 you. YES, David Tennant!!!!!! Thank you for making me laugh & bringing me out of my depressive hidey hole for a minute myself. 😉 Dee

  18. I’ll go musical and say
    Meghan Trainor for president
    Justin Timberlake for VP

    There would be a lot of confidence and joy coming out of that white house.

  19. Great question! I’d like to see a Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart ticket with John Oliver as Secretary of the Slapping Down Assholes Department.

  20. Jeb Bartlet, without question. And Stewart/Colbert. Samantha Bee. They would be the hilarious-but-no-nonsense party. Ok, Picard. Probably Chewbacca. See how many great alternative choices there are?

  21. I want to vote for my cat, Cooter, for president. Not only would our president be an undeniable pussy, I could say things like “My Cooter was elected president”. 14yrs of having a cat named Cooter, and the jokes still don’t get old!!! Oh, I say “he” but “he” had gender reassignment surgery at 2 yrs old (a perianal urethectomy is the real term, but less fun to say). Plus, I’ve never met anyone who didn’t love my Cooter, except bugs and voles….

  22. Kevin James (playing his character from King of Queens, whose name escapes me now)/Cookie from Empire. Because (i) “normal guy” funny, and (ii) having a badass a heartbeat away from the Oval Office would keep things interesting, but not as terrifying as Dick Cheney was.

  23. I’m going fictional–Jed Bartlett (The West Wing) or Frank Reagan (Blue Bloods). IRL, fuck if I know.

  24. I was for Bernie too, and now I’m crying with Victor over the horrible choices that have been foisted upon us this election cycle. Given the choice of anyone for President I choose Dumbledore with Mulan as his VP.

  25. Thanks, needed that. Since we can do ghosts, I’d like Rex Harrison in there somewhere … maybe Press Secretary.

  26. I want to vote for SOMEBODY so I have the right to complain later, but I also don’t want the resulting disaster to be my fault if the lying, criminal egomaniac I voted for (applies to either) actually wins. Being a responsible citizen feels impossible this time around, so maybe I’ll just write in the Doctor and Donna. Or my dog… he’s trustworthy.

  27. #2 – you aren’t far from me. I’m in Boise. Shit is getting a bit ridiculous these days, no? Escorting kids to the bathroom? Really? They’d be better off posting teachers in there for monitoring and not taking away from everyone’s education to escort kids. They aren’t 6, even if they’re acting like it!!

  28. Lin-Manuel Miranda, let Hamilton finally be President! 🙂 Of nothing else, we would have a heck of a soundtrack for the tour of the white house.

  29. Kirk and Bones 2016. I’d say Spock but with that whole born in the USA thing, I don’t think Spock would qualify.

  30. Steve Rogers for President!! (I LOVE Captain America). He’s so awesome he doesn’t need a VP.
    But if he HAS to, then Loki for VP!!!! Because Tom Hiddleston <3

  31. There’s something about her in this video that reminds me of Emily Gilmore, so I’m going to say Emily Gilmore for president. Or maybe Lorelai Gilmore for presiden and Emily as VP, because that would add to the entertainment value immensely.

  32. I vote Tim Gunn for preseident. The perfect blend of positivity/encouragement, and no-that-really-is-not-going-to-fly. And besides, “Make it Work” is a motto for us all. One day at a time….

  33. Donna Noble for Pres, River Song for VP. Jenny for Secretary of Weird Taxidermy, a position which gives you access to all the hidden drawers of specimens in all the museums and no obligation to appear in public ever.

    By the way, Furiously Happy is currently my tote bag book, for reading in waiting rooms, coffee shops, and parked cars. I find it very comforting, even if I have to repress snortles now and again.

  34. Donna Noble for Pres, River Song for VP. Jenny for Secretary of Weird Taxidermy, a position which gives you access to all the hidden drawers of specimens in all the museums and no obligation to appear in public ever.

    By the way, Furiously Happy is currently my tote bag book, for reading in waiting rooms, coffee shops, and parked cars. I find it very comforting, even if I have to repress snortles now and again.

  35. I would love to see Jon Stewart as president.

    And yes the news and election stuff is so overwhelming. I’m glad fall TV is coming back so I can think about something else for a bit.

  36. I support the Doctor/Donna ticket, but I have a question. What job are we giving Captain Jack Harkness? There’s no way he’s letting the Doctor be president without him showing up. I think he should be Secretary of State. He’s great at diplomacy.

  37. Oooh, I like Lin-Manuel. But I think I have to go with my first impression, which is Justin Trudeau for president (OK if Canada wants to annex us)–shirtless non-dictators for the win! And Misha Collins as vice president, because he’s hilarious and kind and unpredictable.

  38. My mom for president she was calm and not easily angered but when you ohhhh holly he** get out of the way. You mom for Vice President because like my mom she can handle almost any thing and Jekens the “turkey” for smack downs because he was one scary a** turkey. Also I’d create a cabnet of single moms and put them in charge of spending. They’d have us on a budget in no time.

  39. I’d vote for Tea Leoni’s Elizabeth McCord as President and Mary McDonnell’s Sharon Raydor as VP. I’d also say Shohren Aghdashloo’s Chrisjen Avasrala as Secretary of State.

  40. Definitely David Tennant (because he is hot). I think that Louis C.K. would be good as well. Tells it like it is, but not in a racist, anti-woman way. John Oliver, because he is WICKED smart and WICKED funny. Or a cat. Any cat.

  41. Hands down Mike Rowe for President. He would pull this country together so fast our lives would improve dramatically. VP would be Sean Connery. He seems to be someone who could intelligently run things or smack the crap outta people who deserve it!!!!

  42. I’d vote for president John Watson and VP Sherlock Holmes. Can’t be the other way around because it would probably be bad to elect a high-functioning sociopath to the presidency. Though not as bad as a low-functioning sociopath. Sigh.

  43. After binge-watching “The West Wing” for the nth time, I’d vote for Josiah Bartlet as president and Matt Santos as vice president. (I love that show. It’s the way politics should be…. and is surprisingly undated; some of the situations are still happening right now.)

  44. Shawn the sheep for president and sheep dog Bitzer for VP. Both intelligent and sneaky but adorable.

  45. Sister Julienne from Call the Midwife for president (never mind that she’s a British nun and also way too calm and logical for modern politics).

  46. Jarvis for President. Because he gets shit done.

    I mean, I guess I can get behind Vision in a pinch, but he’s probably a little too… nice for the job.

    Does Jarvis need a VP? Because if so, a basket of puppies. Hear me out: we’d have waaaaaay less bickering in congress if they had to face a basket of puppies every day and explain themselves.

    If we can’t get the puppies, let’s put Frank Underwood on the ticket. I don’t think he’d be able to oust Jarvis, and Frank also Gets Shit Done.

  47. Donna Noble, yes! But I would definitely love to see her as the president! And Buffy for VP!

  48. Knope/Swanson 2016. Ben would finally cut the pork and balance the budget.
    Chris Traeger would literally be the best Secretary of State ever.

  49. Obama, as long as we get rid of all the assholes in Congress who have blocked all his good ideas. I’d like it if he stayed on for another 4 years.

  50. You’d be way up there, on my list of people who are awesome enough to lead the country! We’d definitely have a great VP (Neil DeGrasse Tyson?), so you could “Peace Out, Y’all” whenever you need time under your enormous Presidential desk!

  51. Nathan Fillion’s Captain Malcolm Reynolds, but not Nathan Fillion because, you know, string.

  52. Since characters are fair game, I nominate President David Palmer and VP Jack Bauer (played by Dennis Haysbert and Keifer Sutherland, respectively). Fair, balanced, and guaranteed to get shit done! (Chloe needs a top cabinet appointment, naturally.)

  53. Jimmy Carter for calmness. Alan Rickman to ice the stupid out of people. Jane Goodall for the environment along with Al Gore. Mark Harmon can run the Homeland stuff. But first we have to vote out all the lazy deadbeats “we gots us our great retirement package” dopes in Congress.
    So do your American duty and vote.

  54. Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons, for President (or Queen). Tyrion Lannister for Vice President. And dragons on the supreme court.

  55. Nathan Fillion’s Captain Malcolm Reynolds, but not Nathan Fillion because, you know… string.

  56. Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons, for President (or Queen). Tyrion Lannister for Vice President. And dragons on the supreme court.

  57. That was hilarious! Can you post the link? I want to share it. I couldn’t find it on youtube.

  58. I love that you have a functioning bipartisan relationship. I’ve always wondered if it was possible. I always said that if someone was politically different from me, then it would definitely be a deal breaker. And I maintained that until two weeks ago when I realized–wait… I’m married to a 36 year old man who isn’t even registered to vote.
    I think it’s the most despicable thing for anyone else to do–not vote. So all that to say, this election has me eating my words and learning and changing more than ever before.

  59. I love Bernie but if he couldn’t have the job, I’d go with your picks, Jenny. Dr. Who (Tennent) and Donna for VP. You should totally make bumper stickers for the ticket–I’d buy one or 10! 🙂

  60. I always read every post of yours as soon as it shows up in my email, and read through all the comments, too, as they give me a bright start to the day. I’m sorry I did so today. I’m trying to avoid all the politics and divisiveness, and even though you say this is a non-political post, it actually is completely a political post done in your style. There are serious political statements in the comments, too. I’m disappointed that I’m missing my usual daily dose of whimsey. Sad.

  61. That video has just made the first, and probably only, political Facebook share I’ve ever made. Brightened up my morning a plenty, thanks!

  62. The Viking and I would pick Vikings……of course. The problem with nominating Vikings is that 1). The best ones are dead and 2). The famous ones did less ruling and more raping and pillaging which is no way to rule a civilized country nowadays. So we’re going to abstain from the nomination. Plus, one of us is Danish and the other one Canadian so I think that disqualifies us.

  63. I spent a weekend surrounded by hard core Republicans. Normally during an election year they love to gang up on me and argue. This year they discussed the weather, the cost of new tires on their car, that thing on their neck, anything but politics. I let them off the hook and didn’t bring up the subject either.

  64. I vote for the ticket of Wheaton/Wheaton/Lawson/Bibbity, because I love Wil & Anne Wheaton and I love you, and I just want to be along for the crazy ride that would be!



    (I’ll bet this ticket just might make Victor sob uncontrollably.)

  65. Hillary has had my vote all along because she is just so qualified and I don’t buy the crap that has been slung at her over the years. I’m a PoliSci/History major and a lawyer, and I know the kind of sexist crap I had to put up with. She’s almost 20 years older than me, so I can JUST IMAGINE what she has had to deal with! I’m also from Virginia and if she hadn’t already had my vote, she would have gotten it when she named Tim Kaine. He was an amazing councilman and mayor of Richmond, an excellent and smart Governor, and an effective Senator. The VP has to be someone who is prepared to step into the presidency at a moment’s notice in the middle of a crisis (because if s/he has to step in, it is absolutely a crisis!), and he is someone I would trust to do that. Also, his wife is amazing! And echoing what someone else pointing out above, both Obama and Hillary Clinton are actually closer to Reagan, politically and philosophically, than any other president, while Trump is a fascist. It’s not a difficult call for me.

  66. i would totally vote for Chris Hemsworth for president & Tavis Smiley for VP; they would be the hottest men to look at, & Chris could go all badass on the jerks, while Tavis could get the laws changed to get this country on the right path for everyone.

  67. I’m voting for the female cast of Ghostbusters. With Melissa McCarthy as president, Kristen Wiig as VP, Leslie Jones in charge of General Badassery and Kate McKinnon as Secretary of Spot-Fucking-On Impressions. We would get some shit done and we wouldn’t take ourselves too seriously in the process.

  68. i just watched noam chomsky on netflix talk about the destruction of the world. im voting noam chomsky, but i want to run his ad campaign and im going to insist he redesign his image in food. Im rebranding him gnome chompsky, and passing out doughnuts at rallys and his slogan will be “gnome noms for everynom!” OR “im with nom noms” or just the travelocity gnome eating a doughnut

  69. Omg, Elizabeth Warren, with Bernie as VP. I feel like any problem that comes her way Elizabeth would school teacher to death. 😀

  70. Thanks for the much needed laugh, girl! God things are getting ugly out there! I’m all for a Warren/Sanders ticket.

  71. Stewart/Colbert. How will I survive Election Night without them??? I hear you. I am in Tulsa and reading the ‘comments’ by the readers of the local paper makes me depressed and hopeless. I just crank up the “Hamilton” soundtrack and try to get the “Guns and Ships” rap just right to distract myself…

  72. Santa. He makes everyone act on their best behavior and gets a lot done in a short amount of time. I also loved the vote for Mrs. Garrett from Facts of Life. We need more like her in life.

  73. Personally I would love to see Mike Rowe (think Dirty Jobs) as president. Level headed (for the most part) and knows what is what. Not to mention he doesn’t really want the job so that’s a plus for me. The one that wants power the least us usually the one that will be the best one to handle it.

  74. Back in ’92, my friend Saul cut up a George Bush sticker and a Clinton/Gore sticker and made a George Clinton ’92 sticker. No word on whether Bootsy would be veep or secretary of state…

  75. I am so glad I’m Canadian, and don’t have to make that choice. My picks would be John Oliver and Leslie Knope, and cats. Lots and lots of cats. Because, cats.

  76. Woke up panicking, ran to my computer and took a xanax, came here – and I think watching that video stopped the panic attack faster than the xanax ever could have! I’m literally laughing out loud!! hahaha Oh, Jenny, thank God that you exist.

    Who would I pick to be president? Bob Ross. “We’ll just put a happy little cloud over here…oh! Let’s give him a friend!”

  77. OMG. Between two ferns. I can’t even….OK if I can’t meet you one day I most certainly will stab myself in the eye or another pillow. The amount of things we have in common could fill Ken Hamm’s Noah’s Ark. You are crazy like me. I live in Alberta and I think we live in Canada?

  78. Tim Gunn for president! I’ve always wanted him to adopt me because I think he’s the nicest person in the world. Can’t you see him telling Congress, “Make It Work!”
    George Takei for Vice President because he would be outrageously funny but still kind to people.
    As an Executive Smacker, I suggest The Rock because we need some eye candy.

  79. Jed Bartlett from “The West Wing>” Also Aaron Sorkin and the show’s other writers for VP and cabinet posts.

  80. Lin Manuel Miranda for President. Every speech in verse. Neal Degrasse Tyson VP; because SCIENCE and a second for Bob Ross as speaker of the house.. ‘happy congress.. happy congress’

  81. Ooh yeah, Neil Degrass Tyson and George Takei definitely belong in the administration somewhere.

  82. My favorite line: “It’s a good cut of meat. I think it’s part of the asshole.” I died.

  83. I think that cat you used to report to at City Hall is the best option we have in our actual politicians. But if I could pick anyone: Carol Burnett for President!!!!!!!!

  84. Oh, I kind of want to second the Tenth Doctor for president, if for no other reason than we need an attractive political leader like Canada has in Trudeau. But I’m itching for a country run by cats. Bagheera from the Jungle Book (I’m working off the original animated Disney movie, not the new remake or the book) for president, because who’s going to f**k with a country run by a talking black panther?

  85. I was so going to say DT’s Doctor. I would also put Neil deGrasse Tyson in there somewhere, except he’s far too smart to involve himself in Washington bullshit on that level.

  86. I guess I should have actually answered the question, instead of responding with my own agenda. I’m actually voting for Gary Johnson, my ninja, because I align libertarian (more or less) and the dude… well… he openly recreates. At least he’s being honest about: a.) how much safer marijuana is than alcohol, which is practically state-sponsored, and. b.) the fact that he uses it. I bet Hillary literally consumes the blood of orphans for longevity, while Trump literally hires Mexicans (only the legal ones… so Mexican-Americans) to kneel all day and act as various pieces of furniture, like ottomans and coffee tables. But do you see those candidates admitting it? No, sir or ma’am.

  87. I vote for Michelle Obama as POTUS and Barack Obama as VP! As a Canadian, I am watching this election huddled in my blanket fort. I just want to know when/if it will be safe to come out.

  88. People talk about how politics tears friends and families apart, but this election season, it’s actually brought my family closer together. My die-hard Republican dad reacts as Victor does: say DT’s name and he starts drumming his head on the table. He’s not voting for Hillary, but he’s also not voting for DT. I totally respect him for voting for an alternative candidate.

    Also, I think Hermione from Harry Potter would make a kickass president. I would so vote for her.

  89. There are so many better choices than the ones we are being offered for real. I particularly like the Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen ticket. I think they would be great fun and get things done.

  90. I ,too, hide from the public and am absolutely disgusted with politics. However, I would happily get behind Denzel Washington for Pres. And for VP, Elizabeth Warren.

  91. I can’t believe no one’s mentioned Morgan Freeman yet! I mean, the man’s already been GOD, I think President should be a piece of cake after that. Plus his voice would be all soothing and confidence-inspiring in international disputes. Jean-Luc Picard as a new supreme court justice; I don’t care if he doesn’t have a law degree, I think we can all agree he’s got this.

  92. Lin-Manuel Miranda for President because he could beat every world leader in a rap battle and Jon Stewart for VP because he’s Jon Stewart. Secretary of State would be Scott Bakula, because he played Sam Beckett on Quantum Leap and could travel back in time to fix things if they went wrong.

  93. I nominate Frank Underwood for POTUS, but with Opus as Veep, and the rest of the Bloom County crew as the cabinet. Also, we need a drag queen in there somewhere. And a unicorn.

    It’ll make a nice blend of evil and innocence, plus absurdity and fabulous glittery magic. And if anyone steps out of line, they either get bumped off (via Frank) or sent into the Anxiety Closet to “think about what you did, young man!”.

  94. I was going to say Jed Bartlet, but then I thought no, maybe Matt Santos instead. He seemed pretty good to me. And The Doctor. (any of the Doctors, but probably Tennant first, then Smith).

  95. We could loan you Justin Trudeau when we’re finished with him. A couple of decades from now.

  96. Morgan Freeman and Jane Goodall for the environment thing. Laura Roslin as prez, William Adama as VP (they already proved they could survive the destruction of the WORLD and take care of everyone, even some of the enemy race). Single parents as budget fixers (but we’d provide excellent childcare while they are working). Dr Daniel Jackson (SG1) as Ambassador to the world and ruler of historical things. Lt Colonel Samantha Carter and T’ealc for secretary of defense and slapping the stupid out of people.
    Oh, and we’ll make room for the facts of life lady, Doogie Houser, Lorelai Gilmore and Will Smith. Dude, have you SEEN his approach to terrorism?! Independence Day, that’s all I’m saying.

  97. There are SO MANY fantastic tickets here! McGonagall / Granger, Patrick Stewart / Ian McKellen, Takei / anybody else. I’d like to throw Daniel Jackson / Teal’C from the SG1 series into the ring. Daniel’s just super smart and Teal’C will crack heads when necessary. Plus they’re both hot. Maybe I’ll throw in Takei / Jason Momoa too!
    Now I’m excited to vote – because they’re all going to be on the ticket, right? Right??

  98. Oh my God, I was so not going to watch that because she really gets under my skin, but I am so glad I did. That was hysterical! Thanks for sharing!

  99. matt smith’s doctor for president. martin freeman’s watson for vice. mark gatiss’ mycroft for secretary of defense.

    jenny for secretary of the interior because, seriously, the white house is in need of some taxidermy. also, a few life-sized bear posters in secret places. oh, and a haunted doll house and some little metal sculpture thingies.

    whoever suggested a basket of puppies for congress is brilliant and i second that.

  100. This is a thing. A great and awesome thing. Shirts and everything. #tysonnye2016. Would that there were a basket of support for this ticket.

  101. David Tennant with two hearts for President and RiverSong for VP. OR the second David Tennant for VP with one heart that stayed with Rose. (P.S. Why did she leave the double in the parallel universe? I would lock him in my room and never let him go)

  102. I would nominate NICHOLAS SPARKS for president based solely on his book the Notebook, because that’s the only one I have read.
    Even though the world has forgotten how to love each other, he could narrate about a time when we did and make us believe in each other and love again…we would all be hugging each other again and talking about world peace.
    And then I would nominate ANGELINA JOLIE for Vice president – because when Nick gets all sappy and brings out the books and the music and the blanket for us all to lay on, and we are all in a love coma and someone comes in and starts shooting at us….
    Angelina will walk out in a black flowy dress with a vial of blood around her neck and her army of children and kick the shit out of whomever is causing us trouble and grief – without even blinking an eye.

    Let’s go back the old days , a little bit of love and a little bit of something kick your ass when you get out of line.

    I mean seriously people, we have lost our balance.

  103. You are ON THE BALL lady! David Tennant = perfect! Donna = MORE perfect. God you are smart.

  104. I support the David Tennant Doctor for president always.

    Thank you for adding some levity to a really shitty election cycle I can’t seem to escape despite my best efforts.

    You rock.

  105. Lil Bub for President, because Science and Magic. Maru for VP because a VP who slides along the floor in boxes would be cool. And Grumpy Cat for Smacker in Chief.

  106. I live in Australia, so can only remain bemused at American politics from afar… So agree about avoiding politics – as even ours in Australian is a shambles. Watched the Veep series some time back. Brilliant stuff. I try to cheer myself up by visualizing that we have the Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau as our leader. Would feel safe having him look after me and the dog any day!

  107. Jack Bauer (from the tv show “24”, played by Keifer Sutherland) for President.

    Vice President – I’ll go with Dr. Who 10 (Tennent).

  108. I am 100% behind the DoctorDonna ticket. Has someone started a Go-Fund-Me page for that?

  109. Joe Biden for president, but The Onion version – Diamond Joe.

    And Hillary for VP. Damn it, I like her. She’d work her ass off.

  110. I’d vote for Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson for President. The man is smart, funny, attractive, and nobody would pick a fight with us because he could snap them in half. Not sure who my VP pick would be.

  111. Gary Sinise, because he’s a lovely human being who takes care of people and would not screw up the country. That means he’s totally unlike those who are running.

  112. I’m also a Bernie, now Hillary supporter. But I’d vote for anyone, including Left Shark over Trump.

  113. Captain America for President. Charles Xavier for Vice-President. Let’s just stuff Washington full of super-heroes, because there sure aren’t any there right now.

  114. I don’t know who I would vote for, but I do think there should be a “none of the above” option for all elected officials, and if the majority selects that option, a new election with new candidates should be held. This election is like a bad reality TV show combined with a train wreck and makes living in this country feel like a joke.

  115. I’d vote for Dr. Lazarus played Alexander Dane played by Alan Rickman as President and Commander Peter Quincy Taggert played by Jason Nesmith played by Tim Allen for Vice President.

  116. Michelle Obama, CJ Craig, Jean Luc Picard, Rachel Madow, Aragorn, my cool grandpa who died at 103, Collin Powell, Beyonce. Hillary has putting up with crap since Arkansas…she’s smart tough and caring if we give her a chance.

  117. Okay, I changed my mind. Patrick Stewart for President and Ian McKellen for VP! Also, did anyone else browse the comments and notice how many of us didn’t even choose U.S. citizens as our fantasy leaders? If that doesn’t tell us (and the world) something, I don’t know what does!

  118. I can barely listen to the news in the morning. It seems like he can say ANYTHING and keep going but she says anything slightly decisive and it’s bad press for days. I vote Jon Stewart / Colbert/ Samantha Bee

  119. I would absolutely want Mike Rowe as our president! Any way you look, he is just so damn smart and logical! (pretty easy on the eyes, too!)

  120. Although David Tennant and Catherine Tate are my favorite Doctor/Companion combo, unfortunately, neither of them are American so they wouldn’t be able to run. Whaaaahhh:(

  121. I’d vote for David Tennant for president..oh yes I would.

    And I’m not sure who to vote for either..I either vote for one of the biggest political crooks since Nixon or I vote for a racist, bigoted turdfaced orange-skinned troll doll. Right now I kind of just want to write in Mickey Mouse and be DONE with this whole mess.

  122. Christopher Walken and Jack Nicholson. Because the speeches would be hilarious. And probably John Malkovich in there somewhere too.

  123. I vote for Eleanor Farjeon. I don’t care for what position, I just want her to be in charge of making me feel better. In unrelated news, I’m going to go read her books again. I’ll start with Martin Pippin in the Apple Orchard.

  124. I’d go for science fiction writers Greg Bear and Scott Card. Those two would have ideological differences, but they’re great at seeing “what it” scenarios, and really, isn’t governing about looking ahead and picking the best thing to do next?

  125. Ooh. I like Jnhrtn’s Bear and Scott Card suggestion.

    Also like Mike Rowe. Because the man has absolutely no desire to be president and has made it perfectly clear he doesn’t want to be president.

    Which in my mind makes him perfect for the job. Because I think you might have to be insane and/ or evil to want to be president these days. Or just short of the two.

    So my first requirement for president is this: They don’t want the job.

  126. i’d support a Doctor-Donna ticket for presidency. but since he’s an alien and she’s British, i guess we can’t have that. WHY CAN’T WE HAVE NICE THINGS?

  127. I was going to say Steve Rogers and Peggy Carter (or Peggy Carter and Steve Rogers), but Tennant Doctor and Donna Noble is a great choice, too. DoctorDonna friend!

  128. George Carlin/Jon Stewart. But since Carlin is A) deceased and B) anti-establishment, make it Stewart/Colbert.

  129. I second the 10th Doctor/Noble ticket, but need clarification on the second part: did you mean Beyonce the singer, or Beyonce the giant metal chicken for smack downs? Because honestly, either one would probably do a credible job…

  130. Seriously, when you’re talking about the dirtiest job on the planet, how could you not vote for Mike Rowe?

  131. I would vote for either Jared Padalecki, Misha Collins, or Felicia Day as president. Or Kim Possible. She can do anything.

  132. It is my understanding that Abraham Lincoln has just a bit more than one more term available, under the current laws. Jesse Owens as a “running” mate.

  133. I’d vote Mr. Rogers as president with King Friday as VP, although, I’m not sure if a monarch would be willing to be second in command.

  134. I would (in true Oregonian fashion) replace the Presidency with a triumvirate of Noam Chomsky, Ursula K. LeGuin, and Ina May Gaskin. Oh yes.

  135. This is why they are re-releasing Idiocracy at this time… We’re all doomed.

    I say The Rock for President and Pink for VP. Or switch them. Either way.

  136. Elizabeth Warren — she’s feisty & doesn’t take S*** from anyone. Love her!
    Will not vote for an Oompa Loompa bully who wears a dead opossum on his head.

  137. I think it would be super fun if Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were co-presidents and had a reality show about it. They’d be bigger than the Kardashians and the Real Housewives put together. Adios, National Debt.

  138. Did you really think this was funny; entertaining, even a little bit; or of any value at all? A tiny weep goes out to you …

  139. Let me preface this: I’m from Alabama. And if we can’t have Hillary, I’ll take Nick Saban, even if that means a Vice President Kiffin!

  140. I second The Rock for President. And Kevin Hart for VP. That is a hilarious duo.
    Or maybe Amy Poehler and Tina Fey.

    I’m Canadian so I don’t get to vote. I’ll just sit back and wait for the shit show to be over with/start up again right away.

  141. Whilst I generally like to be informed about what’s going on in the world, I have absolute sympathy with anyone who simply chooses not to engage with the news these days. I’m from the UK but I can imagine that in the US right now, for some, it must be like a waking nightmare that no amount of pinching can jolt you out of!

  142. I’d jump on the Dr. Who/Donna Noble ticket! On that ticket, I would also nominate myself as Chief Officer in Charge of Snogging the President. I’m pretty sure that’s a role…..

  143. Teddy, Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt, in any configuration of Pres, VP and Sec. of State.

  144. Betty White for president and maybe Robert Downey Jr. for vp.
    I don’t even think I need to explain why on either of those. I’ll just let it marinate.

  145. I’ve seen so many good suggestions in the comments here! Betty White would be an awesome President. So would Hermione. But I’ll put my vote on Calvin and Hobbes. They know stuff.

  146. Jim Parsons for President, it as his character Sheldon Cooper and Johnny Galecki for VP, but as himself, he’s much cuter when he’s not playing Leonard, and well we need someone to look at, right?! Lol

  147. Oh my goodness..anyone at all ?!
    President: MacGyver (the original) He can save the world with a gum wrapper and some DucTape
    Vice President: Steven Segal (because if MacGyver dies then Steven Segal can look at them seductively as he whoops their ass)
    Secretary of Smacking Down Assholes: Red Green (well, because more DucTape!)
    Although Stabler and Benson from Law and Order SVU (along with IceT’s character as SSDA, of course) would also be an amazing ticket!

  148. Rey for President
    Dustin (Stranger Things) for VP
    I’m 100% down with a Sugarbaker cabinet, but Imperator Furiosa for Secretary of Defense

  149. I’m thinking Gandolf for President, Hermione for VP, and Malcom Gladwell as Chief of Thinking things through.

  150. I can’t think of anyone better than who you named. Can we assign Luna Lovegood to something, too though? Secretary of State? Oh, and Leslie Knope. We’ve got to get a Leslie Knope.

  151. I’ve come to realize that it makes no difference who anyone votes for because the vote of the people doesn’t determine who is president in any case, and I don’t know how much it matters who the president is, either, and suspect it doesn’t matter much, so I don’t vote any more. My dog would make a better president than any of the candidates. But I won’t be separated from him and there’s no way I would live in Washington DC, so I wouldn’t nominate him.

  152. Danerys Targaryen for president and John Snow for Vice President. Or maybe reverse that because I could look at Kit Harrington for four years and not give a flying fuck why he was on tv. I just want to stare at him for hopefully eight years.

  153. Leslie Knope! She would fix this country overnight and then leave a thoughtful personalized gift on everyone’s doorstep

  154. Way too many white men being chosen, here. I have been married to a wonderful white man for 47 years so I do not think that I am being prejudiced.
    I am sad that people are seeing an equivalence between one highly qualified and knowledgeable candidate who is strongly endorsed by Bernie (I voted for Bernie) is being seen as equivalent to someone who has ranted hate speech, asked his supporters to punch those who disagree with him, said that he would not follow the parts of the Constitution that he did not like, and after years of claiming that our President was not born an American is now claiming that the other candidate started that rumor and that he is the one to debunk it.
    Sad, very sad, actually more depressed than I have been in quite a while.

  155. Just wanted to stop in and say that, although I was only introduced to your magnificence a week ago, you have definitely left an impression with me. I just bought Furiously Happy!

  156. Angela Merkel, because she cautioned a large assembly on climate change not to turn the air conditioning so low that she had to put on a wooly scarf. So start at home.

  157. I agree completely with your David Tennant’s Doctor Who as President and Donna Noble as VP. I also think that she should be in charge of smacking down the asshole people because she would just be so good at it. 🙂

  158. I’m sorta in the return to the British Empire fold. We’d get better fish and chips, and hopefully better tea, the Queen with her granny purse (and you know she’d use that to smack some sense into people!) and we’d get to use the letter ‘u’ more often. Not sure she babysits cats, being a dog person though.

  159. And we’d get first run of shows like The Great British Bake-off. Oooh, Mary and Paul as head of the smackdown department. No one does a better polite put down than Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood had the whole scary mean British guy thing going on. I hear they need a new gig as of next year

  160. I decided I’d rather have someone who can’t figure out how email works vs. Someone who can’t comprehend diplomacy. But there really is no choice in this race. When Hilary said she wasn’t assigned a government email account I was floored. I work for a government. Hunny you’ll have an email account before you have a desk to read it at and a computer to open it on. Also, she faints. And I find that endearing.

  161. And, if she was a Whitehouse employee, who couldn’t get an I.T. to give her an email acct., how is she going to convince any anyone to do, well, anything.

  162. I wouldn’t wish the presidency on anybody. I think anyone who wants to be the president should automatically be disqualified.

  163. I am so sick of this whole thing I almost wish I was still married to my Canadian asshole husband so I could move where their elections are quiet low key deals. This did actually make me laugh because I agree Trump steaks are from the asshole. God help us everyone

    Sent from my iPhone


  164. I like Lewis and Hathaway, especially Hathaway but I think he’s to introspective to be president. I like the let’s just keep Obama ticket now that it’s been confirmed he’s a US citizen by birth (Lord have mercy). Oh, can Jimmy Carter come back and do a stint? He’s only in his 90’s and he did beat brain cancer and I love him and Rosalyn. Plus he could build a house or two in his spare moments. Jeepers. I’m just not sure. Guess I’ll vote Hillary and if it doesn’t work out move to one of the Arctics.

  165. Can Jed Bartlet be president IRL? That’d be great. And his wife as vice because she rocks.

  166. I’m grateful to live in Canada. I’ll be grateful when the US Election is finally over as it has completely taken over news headlines here. We have our own problems.

  167. Lin Manuel Miranda. He is the only candidate who understands that our politics were screwed up from the beginning. And if you haven’t listened to the original cast recording of Hamilton, you must. Except not in the car like I did because some of the final songs make you cry.

  168. Dumbledore for president! Ellen DeGeneres for VP. i feel like Dumbledore would make really good choices, and Ellen would make everyone happy and make a new law,”dancie hour” where you have to dance to a song that would be on speakers everywhere so the nation could dance together. and dumbledore would keep ellen grounded so that “dancie hour” didn’t actually happen.

    and Beyonce (because its Queen B, y’all) and Amie Schumer would be asshole-fighters. and then ellen would rename Secretary of Service to Asshole Fighters. then dumbledore would sigh and put his head in his hands and write a new bill saying that the VP could not pass laws.

  169. I vote for myself as American Grand Prime Kinginator. I will approach my Kinginately throne on a carpet woven of glitter and the tears of Tea Party members.

  170. oh wait. I want to change my nominee. Hugh Laurie. yes yes I know he’s a Brit, but he is the only British actor I have ever heard who has a flawless American accent. That in itself shows that he pays attention.

  171. Okay, so my first pick would be Mr. Rogers. Sensible man, sensible clothing. Then I thought Calvin & Hobbes to cover homeland security. Then I started to see the light at the end of the tunner… and this time it wasn’t an oncoming train… how about Batman or rather Batmen? Michael Keaton and George Clooney. Clooney’s wife could be secretary of state without even trying! Clooney and Keaton ticket would take care of the educated/informed/compassionate but tough part of things. I think if the bat signal were to go up and these two were to give themselves to public service for the next 8 years… it would go well. Keaton strikes me as the kind of guy who would feed the cat, walk the dog and could be trusted with nuclear codes. Clooney could be your Trudeau.

  172. Desperate times call for Desperate Measures. Got to go with Lord Ventinari. He can have his pick of Sam Vimes, Granny Weatherwax, or Susan Sto Helit as VP. He’d have us in line in no time. (I am also reading Wintersmith to my kids right now. Just finished Miss Treason’s funeral, and it’s one of the few things that made me feel better since my Mom died).

    if I have to pick real live people. I’ll pick Samantha Bee, because right now no one is calling BS better than she is, and I still want a woman in the White House, ’cause it’s fucking time. Lin Manuel for VP, cause honestly who’d be better at glad handling congress and making us feel better when things happen.

  173. Rebecca Buck (better known as Tank Girl) with Jet Girl as Secretary of state and we will have Booga run the military. I know it is an old reference but I am still in love 🙂

    Lets get sh*t done

  174. Though I wouldn’t trust any of them to babysit my cats, maybe we could add Geena Davis on the ticket, just her or any of her characters because she is kick *ss

  175. maybe it’s me. I looked at that video of Hillary and er, the host, at least three times, I am still unable to get past the first two minutes, and I still don’t see where the funny bits are. are there any? Am I not wearing my funny bone properly?

  176. I think everyone would agree Morgan Freeman is the best choice. I mean he plays God really well and his voice is so soothing. I think a soothing voice goes along way with a presidential candidate.

  177. If there are so many apparently popular (which is not necessarily the same as good, but it does help) choices out there–from Morgan Freeman to Charlie the Tuna, Hugh Laurie, and Steven Colbert, why are we even contemplating The Donald and Hillary ? How did this happen?

  178. Totally Jed Bartlett as President; Jon Stewart for VP, Olivia Pope (Scandal) for Secretary of State, John Oliver and Samantha Bee for ass-kickers, and Xena Warrior Princess for Dept. of Homeland Security. And Elizabeth Warren for whatever she wants.

  179. Despite your passive-aggressive claim that it’s not a political post, it’s actually a quite political pro-Hillary Clinton post. A year ago, when the presidential contest began, I paid attention to both Trump and Sanders because they were the only ones criticizing corporations for sending US jobs overseas. And then I thought: Who, between Trump and Sanders, would actually be the best to stand up against foreign entities in the fight for US trade deals? Not Sanders. As for HIllary Clinton: How has she earned 60 million dollars since her days as First Lady? Not by 2 book deals, that’s for sure. She sold out completely to foreign governments, to anyone who donated to the Clinton Foundation. Just as she sold out to any American corporation that gave her hundreds of thousands of dollars for a single speech. It’s sick.

  180. Wow, S Jones, take a pill and chill, like totally hopped on to read this morning, and your comment, made my brain HURT!!!

    By the way I am Sherlock Holmes from “Elementary”.

  181. Oh gosh, how do I delete that comment, I am going to vote for Sherlock Holmes from Elementary.

    See my brain hurt so much, I forgot a crucial amount of words, because I am obviously not Johnny Lee Miller playing Sherlock Holmes….but if I were I would vote for myself.

  182. Okay, so I JUST watched this video! The last line was by far the funniest to me…”so, Mrs. Clinton, what’s the best way to reach you…email?” I’m still laughing! And, as for the President and VP, if I could choose anyone, how about we do away with those two offices, everyone keeps saying they’re figure heads anyway (Or at least the President is) or maybe that was bauble-heads, I get confused. 😉

  183. I cannot get over the folks commenting that are taking this and getting extremely butt-hurt and political for real in their answers. Blows my mind every time. But, as they say, “there’s one in every crowd”, Jenny, evidently because you are wildly popular you get extra “one-s” in your crowd. LOL!

  184. Someone mentioned Sam Vimes right before I stopped reading comments (hilarious, all of them, but SO many!) and while I would probably vote for the Duke of Ankh-Morpork with Captain Carrot as VP, I feel the Lord Vetinari would do a fantastic job. Not democratic, I know, he’s a tyrant after all…
    On the subject of Doctor Who, I think I would choose Ecclestone’s Doctor, still with Donna by his side.
    Can you even imagine?
    Otherwise, I’d vote for the whole of Canada as President with Scotland as VP. Canada is nicer, Scotland is angrier. Perfect combo.

  185. Julie Sugarbaker for President and butler-turned-head of household affairs- turned-state budget director Benson Dubois (of “Soap” and “Benson”) as VP. Those two would get sh*t done.
    Or any of the above – I do like the Tenant/Tenant ticket – as long as they bring the psychic paper and sonic screwdriver.

  186. I’m going to have to agree with Audrey Hepburn and Jon Stewart as co-presidents. Intelligence, heart and class is about the only thing that can save us now.

  187. Seriously… Serious people chill out. Have you ever read anything Jenny writes? Both of the people we have running right now are ridiculous. But hey, Kim Kardashian endorsed Hillary so my mind is made up.

  188. Brad Pitt could be president – he’s got some time on his hands. But if George Clooney were president, I would never miss a state of the union address.

  189. I vote for Jennifer Aniston for Presdient and Jennifer Garner for VP. In my experience, Jennifers are good people.

  190. I’d totally vote a Zoe Washburne from Firefly for president and Hermione from Harry Potter as V.P. or maybe they can switch months being POTUS and V.P I’d be cool with that.

  191. I would like to nominate the people who make my anxiety medication but only if they have a campaign promise to start making them in shapes like flinstone vitamins. Just cuz I’m crazy, doesn’t mean I’m not also whimsical.

  192. well my non-political political opinion about David Tennant’s Doctor Who as president after seeing him in Jessica Jones makes my skin crawl. (Sideshow Bob sounding grown “huuhuhuhhuhuhuhu”)

  193. I wonder what would happen if everyone that wanted Bernie wrote him in? Maybe we’d all mysteriously disappear and Hillary would still win. Since that’s unlikely, I wish Gary Johnson were more visible and that people would stop saying there are only two choices because there are more than two if you only listen. And if enough people actually voted for Johnson, and the system is NOT rigged (haha), then Johnson would be elected because that’s how math and voting works. But alas, this is the USA and people don’t get it. /political musing

    If I could pick ANY candidates, well, the Coyote and Road Runner because obviously.

  194. I appreciate this post because I too avoid talking about politics and the news as much as I can. I often avoid hearing others talk about the topics as well. This political interview with Zach Galifianakis is great. Most of the things I can’t help but hear about politics makes me too, want to stab myself in the eye, although this interview was well done and funny. I agree with your statement about Republicans because all of the die-hards I know are shaking there heads in disbelief as well. You ended your post in hopes we would all stop talking about which candidate is the lesser of two evils, and start making wishes of who if everyone was on the table we’d vote for. I would choose my late grandma Pearl as president of the United States because like you said she would smack down all of the assholes as well as fight for all of us little people rather than racially discriminate or mysteriously off the people who tried to bring her down. She was great.

  195. I liked this so much, I updated my silly WordPress account so that I could like and re-post it, and then saw the message: “you do NOT need an account to post a comment!” Sigh….but…definitely:
    Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons, for President (or Queen). Tyrion Lannister for Vice President. And dragons on the supreme court.

  196. Gary Johnson. He doesn’t know what Aleppo is? Hey, if he is POTUS, he can make it not exist. Problem solved!

  197. I would vote for a smart person whose name most people outside of academic circles probably don’t know because he or she is too smart to seek the limelight and deal with the burdens of running for and then actually being president. Or Audra McDonald.

  198. Thank you so much for this. I’ve been in a deep depression these past few days because of all of the election crap (which spell check wants me to change to carp). I like being informed, but for the next week I need to avoid politics. Also, if I could choose anyone for any office, my dog would be Secretary of State. Everyone would love her, and they’d give in to her demands when she gives them the sad puppy look.

  199. Ok, tentatively stepping out of my introvert corner where I lurk sometimes. . I’ve not actually thought about it much and I am running on like 3 hours sleep but if we could elect dead people I would vote Robin Williams for president, (or that guy who played Jed Bartlett in west wind he was cool too). I would probably pick someone who works well with him to be vp (my mind goes to certain actresses and idk why Im gravitating on actors, maybe because even they seem less sketchy than some politicians lol.) But R.W. always seemed to understand. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it. No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world” I have a list of unending quotes by him. . RIP

  200. Oh, I do love Tennant’s Doctor for President! But Matt Smith’s Doctor for VP for me. With Colbert/Stewart either in the cabinet somewhere or as Speaker of the House and head of the Senate, to keep that branch in line. The Notorious RBG will live forever, of course. And I do love the idea that someone just above had about Robin Williams – cabinet position for sure! If I could bring back a deceased politician, it would be Ann Richards. God, that woman was awesome. She’d have been great as Secretary of State. And bring back Molly Ivins while we’re at it. Give Samantha Bee some company.

  201. Chuck Norris for President, VP, Sec. of State and Sec. of Defence. Plus any other temporary vacancies.

  202. I would pick Thomas the Tank Engine for president and Techno Chicken for VP

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