It is Victor’s birthday in a few minutes and it’s taking every damn bit of my self-restraint to not run in the bedroom and jump on the bed and scream “WAKE UP, MISTER! IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY!” but I’m not going to do that because I know Victor and not waking him up with all this glitter I found is part of his birthday present. YOU’RE WELCOME, VICTOR.
But I’ve had a bit to drink and I’m afraid I will oversleep in the morning and Hailey will say “Happy birthday” first so I’m posting my birthday present here so that I win. I WIN AT BIRTHDAYS. Also, I’ve been drinking because it’s been a very long day but technically midnight is like happy hour for me because my body doesn’t recognize normal working hours.
So Victor, this is for you:
Also, am I supposed to put periods in N.A.S.C.A.R.? Because it seems like I should since it’s an acronym but it also looks weird. We can talk about this when you wake up. Which will not be in a few minutes when it turns midnight.
PS. Booze bras totally exist but I just went to buy one and it only goes up to a C cup and that shit ain’t gonna cut it, so instead Amazon was like “Hey, check out these soft, floppy boobie flasks” and I’m a little insulted at the wording, but yeah. That might work.