Help me, internets. You’re my only hope.

So I’ve been a bit MIA lately because the power company decided I didn’t need electricity anymore so I spent the day eating all the popsicles and dressing up the dog.

This time, Dorothy Barker decided to go a little more pop-culture than before.  Can you tell who she is?


Victor’s guess was “plotting her revenge” and yes, maybe, but I’m looking for something more specific.  Hang on.  Lemme add a wig:


She actually didn’t hate this one, but probably only because I was giving her dog bacon (made for dogs, not out of dogs) and it was a fair bribe.  But then I ran out of bacon and she did this:


At first I thought she was reenacting that scene where Leia bends over to have R2D2 take that selfie of her, but Victor was like, “What is happening here?  You gave our dog scoliosis.”  But turns out that she was just wilting because she realized  I was out of bacon, and I completely get that because I also ran out of popsicles and I was totally feeling the same way.

I have to go now because I hear drilling and I think we’re going to lose power again, and also because I found more popsicles.

PS. Hunter S. Thomcat requires no bacon.  He’s just too lazy to get off my desk.  And he is working the shit out of this look.  Take notes, Dottie.


PPS.  Ignore the haters.  You’re beautiful.

98 thoughts on “Help me, internets. You’re my only hope.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Honestly, I don’t know why cats get such a bad rep; they’re fully prepared to put up with the full range of our shenanigans as long as they get free and unrestricted use of the furniture.

    At least, that seems to be the agreement we’ve reached in this house.

  2. I remember when I tried to dress my ex’s cat up as a pumpkin. He promptly deflated and pretended his legs were broken until I unvelcroed his tiny, tiny hat.

  3. I simply cannot figure out how you manage to get your animals to sit still AND PUT ON A WIG. I tried to write a blog post about items you can place on your cat, but it failed before I could even start writing it since my cat wouldn’t allow me to place a simple Barbie doll next to him. (In his defence, the Barbie was kind of ugly and needed to admitted into “Barbies Extreme Makeover” and possibly needed a new leg. And face apparently).

  4. Victor couldn’t guess who Dorothy Barker was w/o the cinnamon roll hair buns?
    I got it on the first glance.
    Victor, Victor…..smh. hahahah

  5. omg hunter S tomcat is adorbs in that wig!
    love your posts dear. you always manage to make me smile.
    come to toronto some time soon? i just missed you last time. but i totally get that the tours can be wicked stressful though, so no pressure. i can always continue to enjoy you via the internets!

  6. Hunter may just like being petted, maybe? He seems like one of those snuggly animals. Which is a good thing. Unless you have to get up to get snacks.

  7. I wish my brain had the kind of creativity yours does for occupying its time. It spends all its time making me either worry or work. Fun is not permissible.

  8. Love the hunter s. Tomcat Leia thing. I’m so jealous that you can dress up your companions. My dog (Archie, the Aussie) slinks into a corner and eats any accessories before I can even think about getting pictures,

  9. I recognized who she was pre-wig. That makes me either sad or absolutely awesome.

  10. These poor things…they look like come on Mom let me alone, just like kids do…my cat would never let m put anything on him, even a collar…

  11. Where are you finding these amazing costumes? I would kill for a Darth Vader costume for Titus–I already have more light sabres than I know what to do with. Problem is he’s XXL–guess it’s an ice cream tub and a cape.

  12. Unrelated, but does anyone else find that it takes longer to correct all the automatic fills in a post than it takes to actually write the post. (I had 3 in tissue short post!)

  13. How cool! I wish I could play dress up like that with Gigabyte when the power goes out but I can’t. It seems my parrot isn’t so kindly disposed to being turned into a cultural icon. I know this because I tried to dress him up like a bat last Halloween and he ran off and hid under the couch, swearing and threatening to bite the whole time. Not even granola bars and pasta (two of his favorites) could bring him around. Maybe this year, I’ll try and offer him bacon.

  14. Is Dottie secretly Princess Leia and an Ewok’s child. I mean seriously check out the fur, but definitely a striking resemblance to mom, especially after she got her hair done.

  15. Gary, above on comment 2, my daughter says that dog bacon smells better than it tastes. She described it as tasting like fake bacon made of sand. She gives it two thumbs down.

  16. As the weather gets darker and we are under daily constant rain here in Vancouver Canada, your posts have been a lifeline and hold off the depression while I read them. Thank you

  17. Oooh, that cat looks pissed! Watch out, he will get even when you least expect it!

  18. I have two cats. One, who is very sweet and young and needy, will claw me to death if I try to dress him up. The other, who is old and crotchety and doesn’t suffer fools, would TOTALLY rock an outfit and only mildly glare at me. I think they like irony.

  19. My dog gets to be a UPS driver for Halloween – hat, box & all. He deserves this because he once left a microscopic bite on the UPS driver’s ankle and spent 10 days in doggie jail at the vet’s. No matter how many times I explain the UPS guy is supporting my addiction Maxwell just can’t see the good in someone who leaves me presents.

  20. Just received a notice that we’ll be without power next Wednesday for ten hours. Any ideas on how to dress a fifty pound standard poodle?

  21. Can you dress the cat up as a postman? Maybe an ice cream truck? Or a woman-of-the-night? An opera singer? How about a trapeze artist? Did you ever see the animated movie Gay Purr-ee? I don’t know why I asked, other than I loved that cat Jaune Tom. Hunter looks a bit like him.

  22. Dottie should totally be Leia! Although, Hunter was rocking the wig. And I use to dress my shih tzu up for Halloween all the time. She didn’t like it but hey…I am bigger and have opposable thumbs.

  23. Our grocery store just put pet Halloween costumes on clearance, and my husband abandoned me in the Halloween aisle and took the shopping cart with him. Oh, well. I appreciate your genius even if Victor does not. Now, who is going to appreciate mine?

    And now I want Popsicles.

  24. I hope you replenished the popsicles. Dreamsicles are particularly nice this time of year:). And I knew it was Princess L! The white dress gave it away . . . but I think she might make a better storm trooper!

  25. LOL! I will now laugh anytime I hear someone say “You gave our dog scoliosis.”

    (And just to be sure, I tested it out by asking my wife to say “You gave our dog scoliosis.” She was oddly reluctant, but I did laugh when she said it, though it was more like “…You gave our dog… scoliosis?!”)

  26. Dorothy Barker was just hoping to be Rey for Halloween, that’s all. She should count herself lucky you didn’t try to find a way to make Queen Amidogla work, complete with face paint.

  27. ROFL , dotty looks awesome as Leia, though the scoliosis angle takes the egde off, but only a bit….

    Meanwhile yet again i want to snuggle HST even though sometimes some of his facial expressions seem to suggets he wouldnt really like that

  28. Dorothy’s getting to be such a pro model – with those gorgeous eyebrows & her red hair, you may have to rename her Suzy Barker. 🙂

  29. Idea: Look for Victor’s favorite outfit, then get one that looks just like it for you gals and your pets. Victor mask optional. (Probably doing this to my brother)

  30. We ended up in the emergency vet one Halloween when our cat decided she did not want to be Elpaba’s winged monkey. She howled & writhed so much we actually thought she was in pain. My daughter ended up in full black dress & green skin to take her in for nothing. We don’t even try to costume the cats now.

  31. Oh, Hunter just topped off the whole escapade!! Fun with pets, popsicles, and Star Wars. I love your slant on life. Thanks for sharing once more! Good luck with the electricity. <3

  32. Without the wig, I felt that she was rockin’ a Kitty Carlisle/ Arlene Dahl vibe, A vibe that hasn’t been rocked in a long time. In the eighties when we came home at 2 in the morning after dancing and snorting coke, we’d dress my 2 cats in little white undershirts. They would immediately have to lay down on their sides, believing that they’d lost the use of their legs, until we got tired of laughing at them, gave up and undressed them. Good times. I love LPTNH. Thanks for talking about mental illness.

  33. Hunter looks awfully smug. He might be a cross-dresser – in which case I think you should dress him as Cher instead.

  34. This is one of those rare occasions where I have to agree with Victor. That’s the face of a pup who is weighing vengeance vs. bacon.

  35. I ate three popsicles at work tonight. Thank you for making me feel not so completely effed up about it. 😎

    (Popsicles are mostly water and water is important in hydration and being healthy. That’s what I keep saying to Victor, at least. ~ Jenny)

  36. Omg she looks awesome but let’s face it HST rocks it better. To the person who had to take their cat in with the flying monkey costume haven’t you ever heard of a howler monkey lol sorry couldn’t help myself.

  37. I would really like to know where you people find such nice cats! Mine bites…..all the fucking time! That wig would be shredded into…well something not wig-like in seconds! And the costume?! The Viking and I would need a triage team on standby. Sigh. I just wanted a nice kitten and I got Lucifer in pearls and rhinestones.

  38. I think you have a winner for Dorothy Barker’s Halloween outfit. It really suits her.

  39. The force is strong with these young Padawans. Just make sure to switch teachers if Luke Skywalker shows up on their schedule. I hear he favors his nephew, who is a real bastard.

  40. Also, I love reading all the comments on your posts. You bring so much laughter and joy to us. Don’t forget that! 🙂

  41. “You gave our dog scoliosis.”

    There was a time when Victor would have merely sighed or only asked what you were doing. Finally, finally, finally he’s developed a sense of humor about things.
    You have trained your pets well. One of them, anyway.

  42. I know that Hunter S. Tomcat is laying on another of Dorothy Barker’s costumes, but I have to admit at first glance I thought it was lettuce. That would open up a whole new level of discussion!

  43. Side note: I have always been a dog lover and am new to the world of cats. My fiancée and I have two and they only want loved on for a short amount of time when it fits into their schedule…not on my terms. The other night I caught myself yelling at our tuxedo cat, Louis J. McGuffey Attorney at Law “JUST ACCEPT MY LOVE, DAMMIT!”

  44. DP rocks her Leia costume. I’ll have to come up with something for Roxy to wear with our Addams Family getup. I should make her a giant hand so she could be Thing. HA!

  45. Wilting Dorothy Barker = the Dark Crystal elders… um… urRu chanty-things. 😝 Love.

  46. Always too many popsicles when the power goes out.
    Not so much in August….
    Never enough popsicles 🙁

  47. Hahaha!!!!!! Thank you! This plus the video of Your affirmation of her beauty. Made my day!

  48. hi I’m your biggest fan and a i want to say that you are my roll model you revive depression and mental illness so go you Hugs Ella >

  49. haha – omg, I just LOVE that puppy! I thought Princess Leia right away 🙂 I hate to say it, but I really think she needs to take some pointers from Hunter on feeling comfortable in her fur and cinnamon buns.

  50. We need a “Whose Pet Wore It Best” contest. My cats have the Leia wig and Yoda ears, plus we pretend that a reindeer costume is really a tauntaun. Living the wild life here.

  51. If I were you I’d not turn my back on either of them for at least a week. I cannot imagine either of my cats tolerating so much as a collar, although I think Charlie would look adorable with the Leia wig. Just before he ate it.

  52. See, to me, it looks like she’s about to throw up…my cats do that long neck thing right before they throw up…

  53. We don’t get a lot of trick or treaters but I just ordered 10 copes of “In a dark dark room and other scary stories” (which both my 5yo and 2yo love) and I will be handing them out with candy. Hurray for books!

  54. I have three dogs who love costumes, and one who tolerates them. So I have Halloween costumes for my dogs, and none for me.

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