WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! Good things, mostly. Well done, you.

Merry Christmas!  Happy Hanukkah!  Jolly Festivus!  Insert whatever is necessary here!

I tried to count up all the toys and coats and books and blankets sent to children through this year’s Jame Garfield Miracle and I lost track after a few hours so I suspect it’s much more but I estimate that over $75k in clothes and toys were sent to children this year by our amazing community.  That includes over $25,000 in donations to Project Night Night to help homeless children.  (From Project Night Night:  “We are floored and so, so grateful!”)  I can’t share them for privacy sake but I’ve received so many pictures of small, beaming faces surprised with unexpected things under the tree.  You really are full of magic.  Thank you.  Thank you to those who helped and those who asked for help and those who stopped by to send love and encouragement.  In the last 7 years we’ve given over $400,000 to make sure that kids had a happy holiday.  No sponsors.  No marketing.  Just people working together for the good of others.  That’s insane, y’all.  

(And a very special thank you to a young lady who was herself helped during the very first James Garfield Miracle and who this year was so thrilled to be able to pass on gifts to a child in need.  Your email made me cry but in such a good way.)

James Garfield and I love you.


And now…time for the weekly wrap-up!



Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):


This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Melt: massage for couples. It’s an instructional massage video that teaches how to give kick-ass massages with a simple, step-by-step video guide. It costs less than one professional massage and you’ll have it forever with unlimited access. You can watch the trailer here.  Christmas vouchers are on sale today so if you fucked up and gave your honey a terrible gift you can go now and buy a voucher right here and be like, “I was totally kidding about that machete I gave you for Christmas.  THIS IS MY REAL PRESENT.  I’m gonna give you a bad-ass massage.  PLEASE PUT DOWN THE MACHETE.”  Seriously.  Put down the machete.  Pick up some massage skills.  We all win.

65 thoughts on “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! Good things, mostly. Well done, you.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Merry Christmas. Family came through instead. Maybe next year we can give. Time will tell 🙂 !

  2. YAYAYAY! I forgot I even participated in this! This just made my day. Good job, people!

  3. Jenny, please put this post into your special file to read during those dark moments. You have facilitated such good.

  4. This made me ugly cry. Someone out there that has four kids still has a present coming that is a doctor who book that was on back order. Amazon keeps telling me you will get it, and I choose to believe! This makes my year, every year. Thank you, Jenny. You are a gift to the world.

  5. (Jenny, if you feel this is inappropriate, I’ll understand, and please do edit or remove my comment.)

    People, if you’re still feeling goodwill toward mankind and want to share the joy a little, here’s a link to three kids who probably found something under the tree for them (they have extended family who’ll have made sure of it). It’s not the gifts they need help with, what they’d really appreciate would be if doctors could save their dad’s eyesight. Insurance won’t cover the surgery. $10 here and $50 there would be a Christmas miracle.


    (I am in no way associated with the family, the grandmother is a Twitter friend and one of my favorite authors.)

    Thank you. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah! (And if you’re not feeling it, You Matter! Hugs.)

  6. Thank you for bringing us all together. Happy Chris-ma-Hana-kwanza-ka to everyone. I wish you joy and love so does my kitty Lana. Jenny thank you most of all for literally saving my life this year. To all those having a hard holiday I love you all.

  7. I wish people a safe happy peaceful and relaxing CNY break. For some CNY can mean Christmas New Year while my Chinese family and friends often assume Chinese New Year 😂

  8. Without James Garfield, we wouldn’t have had any Christmas at all. I’m beyond humbled and grateful. I had to excuse myself to wipe my eyes several times. There are so many wonderful twisted people here. <3 <3 <3

  9. The best part is you don’t have to put your name on the gift so they have no idea who sent it to them. 🙂

  10. Thank you for putting yourself through this…I can only imagine the stress, but it is such an amazing thing to witness and share in. I think it helps the givers as much if mot more than the receivers, and I hope that includes you. Thank you for leafing us all into the fight and also giving our and yourself the ok to retreat when necessary. Save yourself first so you can have strength to save someone else right? Much love

  11. You’re so amazing! Made me tear up AGAIN. I’ve already had a trifecta of tears today, watching previews for the movie A Dog’s Purpose (doesn’t bode well if I’m sniveling before I’ve even seen the movie), then came home and watched Miracles from Heaven and blubbered like a baby and then when a FB memory popped up of my coworker and I last year in a photo with barely any hair after we’d both gone through chemo.

  12. Well thanks a lot. My husband and youngest child had JUST stopped hollering about seagulls poking their knees. And now they’re doing it AGAIN! BLARGH!!!

  13. Fantastic! I was so thrilled to be able to participate, and will do it again next year! You all rock, especially Jen.

  14. Hi my name is Bob. Long time reader, first time commenter. Love your work, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who’s brain is trying to kill them.
    Great job on the fundraising and thanks for putting it all on the page.
    Happy Christmas

  15. This makes me so happy. I only donated a couple things but it made me happy and made me want to do more next time. Thanks for this wonderful thing you have created.

  16. Merry Christmas to you and yours. My Mum and sister said my grandnieces got a few items. My hubby’s great-grandniece hasn’t told us if any of her kids received anything. I didn’t see anything go off her list though. I survived a weird/severe allergic reaction to a new medication the day before Christmas Eve. My daughter has a plan in action for her Breast Cancer. We are waiting on test results on my hubby. We are all still alive and our world is filled with hope and love and spread it to others around us. {hugs}

  17. You and this community have kept me going through a very dark year. My wish, over these holidays, is for a better year for all of us. I kind of feel like if we made it through 2016, we can make it through anything.

  18. I am so very very thankful that I can give to both Project Night Night AND to a family through the James Garfield Miracle. Thank you, Jenny, for giving me a way to share some Christmas spirit.
    (btw – my friend and I gave donations to charity instead of gifts to each other. She gave three Project Night Night bags in my name 🙂 )

  19. Giving to families through the James Garfield Miracle absolutely MADE my Christmas. Ugly crying and all. There is so much good our there, but it’s so easy to forget that in today’s world. So magical to see it here! Thanks!!!

  20. I was feeling the whole loving Xmas family and friends, and suddenly I wasn’t. Suddenly I slipped into that darkness that stage 4 cancer holds wide open for you and if you’re not careful walking the ridge you can drop right into the depths. I managed to grab hold at the last minute and clicked your post. As usual you save me Jenny. Your generosity mixed with humour and love and ability to bring community together across the globe is staggeringly humbling. I smiled and I snickered and I knew I was safe for another day. Thank you Jenny, for all that you and your family do to keep a light burning. Merry all of the above to you, yours and everyone of your tribe. Our tribe!

  21. Jenny,

    Any suggestions because my spouse didn’t get me a gift this year – he didn’t have time was the reason.


  22. Jenny you are amazing! Thank you for helping me get through a rotten 2016. I hope I’m in a position to help with the James Garfield Miracle next December.

  23. Am I the only grown-ass woman who has never been able to spell calendar correctly the first time? Love yours. I’ma gettin’ it. 🙂

  24. Hey Maureen, welcome to the family many of us have…it’s called married to men. My sister’s husband “doesn’t believe in Christmas” though he sure loves everything she and the rest of us get him. My husband has never actually bought me anything (without my standing there going, yes, buy that, NOW); I’m talking birthday, Christmas, anniversary…. We’ve been living together for 35 years (married 27). And we are still together. In every other way he’s a great guy. I say, accept their flaws, snuggle into their strengths….and buy yourself whatever the heck you want and guilt him into not complaining about it ; )

  25. I hope all of you readers have a wonderful holiday season. We’re having the most low-key holiday ever, due to many reasons, and I’m missing the festivity. Plenty of time to plan for more next year!

  26. MAUREEN—– If you have a generally nice husband who is kind to you and you enjoy his company then consider yourself *** incredibly*** lucky and stop whining about not getting a gift on a certain day. Many people would be more than happy to give up even the thought of ever getting a present wrapped up on a certain day if they simply had a good companion. I am one of them. My partner died and I would give anything in the world to have that person back again. Be grateful instead of complaining.
    If, on the other hand, your husband is generally not nice to you, then maybe you need not to be married to him any more.
    Sorry if I sound blunt.
    But when fortunate people complain about little things it tends to rot my socks.

  27. JENNY—I LOVE that artwork. Thanks so much for posting a link to it, because otherwise I would never have seen it. He is now one of my favorite new artists as well.

  28. My kid was one of those beaming-faced loons yesterday morning, thanks to a commenter named solshak. Thank you so, so much solshak; Connor (aka #bestkidever) loves the telescope and basketball hoop more than I can even say.

    And thank you, Jenny. This is not the first year my kid has had a decent Christmas because of a miraculous taxidermied boar decapitation, and it’s not the first year I’ve been reminded, oh yeah, people are actually kind of wonderful.

  29. Way to go, Jenny! At least you ended the year on a positive note, and partly made up for some of the crappiness of 2016. Happy New Year to all!

  30. it’s wonderful to see the results of the James Garfield Miracle again. Bless us every one, especially warthogs. And cats and dogs. And people who care enough to do the little things that make big happy waves that ripple out across time and space.

  31. My son was one of the lucky ones lol. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to watch the DVDs Jenny got for him or play his Lego dimensions so his solution was to set up the labtop on coffee table and watch DVDs while he played his Lego game on the TV. Thank you to everyone who helped us this year. U all r AmAZiNG

  32. Yaaaayyyyyyy! People can be awesome, especially the people that come around here, as I’m learning. I couldn’t contribute this year, and I know every year you say you aren’t sure you’ll do it again, but I really hope you do because next year will be the year that I finally get my financial stability and will be able to help out. At least, that’s my goal.

  33. Maureen,

    You need to TELL HIM how not getting a gift made you feel. Some men can be emotional idiots, and he may think that if he wouldn’t mind not getting anything if you were busy, that you would feel the same way. My husband didn’t get me anything either, but he does buy me random things during the year, and he shows his love in other ways, so I’m good with it. I hope you otherwise had a Merry Christmas, and may 2017 be better than 2016!

  34. Jenny,

    Thanks for coordinating the humanity that we all need this time of year. You rock. Also, “a seagull gonna poke your knees?!?” I lost it. Thanks for sending me down the rabbit hole of BLR — they were new to me. Damn I love internet weirdos!

  35. wipes away tears from uncontrollable laughter
    ! EVER !
    God bless you, Internet! (Um, and Jenny, and the BLR folks too of course..)

  36. OMG my 13 yo son has been singing this song for days. It cannot be un-stuck once you’ve started it.
    run run run run.. i can be your backpack while you run.. run run run run

  37. Hi Jenny! What i am asking you about you is if you have any copies of Let’s Pretend It Didn’t Happen or Furiously Happy?

    I am Autisic w/ Aspergers Syndrome and also suffers from severe anxiety and social issues. Well last February he tried to kill himself because of his many issues. Well I was told about your blog and books and he loved them. He can’t afford a copy of his own so he checks them out at the library when he needs a lift.

    Well my Birthday is coming up January 22 and I was wondering if it be possible for you to send me a signed copy of either one of your books?

    My address is

    544 NW 171st
    Edmond, OK 73012

    Just let me know about that whenever, but hope all is well and Happy New Year!!


  38. I love reading your books and these posts…they make my day when my day hasn’t been so bright. Anyway, I discovered this, while reading some articles on my wonderful country, and it made me think of you…have you ever been? I feel like you need to go:)


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