Remember how last week I was in the hospital for stomach bullshit and the week before that I was looking at TMS (electroshock therapy lite?) because my head was all fucked up? Well, I decided that before doing TMS I’d check to see if there were any other issues that could be causing this depression/sickness/body fuckery so my doc did a shit ton of blood tests and she was like, “You’re all fucked up,” and that’s pretty accurate.
I literally lost track of how many vitamin deficiencies I have but I’m now taking an extra 8 pills a day just to get back to normal. My hormones are off and I’m way low on testosterone (I didn’t even know I was supposed to have testosterone?) and apparently that causes fatigue, foggy thinking, depression and anxiety which is pretty much all of the things I’m made of, so I’ll be starting testosterone meds this week.
Also, I have things like “pernicious anemia”, which I just assumed was something Lemony Snicket made up. But instead it’s something probably related to whatever is wrong with my stomach, or ulcers, or my antibodies that are all fucked up as well.
And add “pre-diabetic” to the list because WHY NOT, RIGHT? So now I’m on day 5 of a low-carb, low-sugar diet to “fix my sugars” as your grandma would say, and I’m shocked I haven’t murdered everyone in the house yet. Last night I yelled “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. SOMEONE GET MAMA A MASHED POTATER SANDWICH” and Victor was like, “Have some protein. Protein is good for you” but I don’t think so, Victor, because my entire body is a protein and it’s trying to kill me.
Long story short, things are wrong inside me and no one really knows the cause but maybe the diet, supplements, and meds will help. Or they won’t. Hard to tell. But it could be worse and at least I have things to focus on that might make me better, and that’s a relief in itself.
I don’t have a funny ending here. I blame the lack of popsicles in my body.
I would kill someone for a popsicle.
PS. Bonus Dorothy Barker video to make up for this slightly whiney post: