This is going to be even more confusing than normal. It’s been a week, y’all.
You know how at the beginning of every year half the people you know pick a word for the year? Like PASSION, or THRIVE or CREATE and the word I always pick is NO-THANK-YOU because I already fail enough without adding random dictionary words to also disappoint thankyouverymuch but this year a word seems to have chosen me.
Remember a few days ago when water was pouring through my office ceiling and then the water mitigation people came and cut holes in the floors and ceilings and put plastic ET tents all over the house and ran industrial dehumidifiers and blowers for days to get rid of the damage and it looked like if Dexter (the serial killer) had an art installation and I handled it about as well as you might expect:
By day three of water damage pergatory things started to get weird and I just hid in the guest bedroom and texted everyone rather than leave the room and see the destruction.
So basically the water damage fucked up my office AND Victor’s conference calls. He says it was less the water damage and more me being me but water damage multiplies everything by three so I’m pretty sure I’m not to blame because EVERYTHING IS ALL BORKED UP. And Victor thought I was overreacting and that “borked” isn’t a real word but it totally is. It’s when something is so ludicrously broke you can’t even spell the word right and it’s exactly what my office looks like right now.
So you know how people always say that the way you bring in the new year is indicative of how you spend the rest of your year? Well, we went to pick up sushi for New Years and when Victor opened the restaurant door the entire thing ripped off of its hinges like Victor was some sort of very confused Hulk. And then we had to apologetically hand the door to the restaurant manager and I was like, “YEP. THIS IS OUR YEAR. IT’S ALL BORKED UP. WE’RE BORKED, VICTOR.” And probably we are, but then I started laughing about it because it’s so ridiculous and I realized that bringing in the new year laughing at things falling apart is sort of how my whole life has gone so at this point I should just embrace it.
And then the manager leaned the door back into the door hole and he taped this sign to the door and I had to take a picture of it as we left because…I mean:
And that’s when I realized that my word for the year had chosen me.
My life is a little borked right now. I am more than slightly borken. I’m all borked up. But that’s fine.
All the best people are.
UPDATED. As requested, now available in my shop: