The first meeting of the Bloggess Book Club

Remember when we started a book club but then I forgot about it?  Well I remembered again so today we’re totally doing it.  Get your wine out.

Our first book club read was The Haunted Vagina by Carlton Mellick III and IMHO it was pretty amazing.

(Also, some people seem to think that IMHO means “In My Honest Opinion” but those people are super wrong because the H stands for “Humble” and it always has so quit it.)

I shared few of my favorite excerpts from the book on instagram but most of the best ones contains spoilers so you’ll have to read them for yourself.

View this post on Instagram

Part 2 of #bloggessbookclub. Details on the blog.

A post shared by Jenny Lawson (@thebloggess) on


Overall, I give The Haunted Vagina four out of five stars.  My only complaint is that it was too short and that Victor wouldn’t let me read it out loud to him in bed.

Next up for Bloggess Book Club?  Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes.

84 thoughts on “The first meeting of the Bloggess Book Club

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Can you do an audible version Jenny? I’m sure many of us would listen to you doing the reading.

  2. Unfortunately, the only ebook version that Barnes & Noble sells appears to be in German, a language I don’t think I can learn in time to be part of the discussion.

  3. I share my Amazon account with my mother for the Prime subscription, so if she saw this in my order history… I’d have a lot of ‘splainin to do 😀

  4. I was just left in a confuzzled state after reading that book. I tried to explain that plot to someone who saw me reading. Recommendation don’t do it in public spaces

  5. That’s a real book?? The Dairy Queen one??? Fuck. Me. I’m getting that book.

  6. Also I’m with Michelle up there. You can come over, and read to me in bed. She can come too. It’s a goddamn party Victor can come, but he better bring good snacks and booze and he gets last pick of spots on the bed, even after the dog.

    And it’s not weird unless someone’s naked. So everyone weer clothes.

  7. The best part is that, on the cover, it says, “From the author of APESHIT.” I think that needs to be put on the list….

  8. My husband, John, is sitting across from me in a cafe on the cruise ship The Norwegian Getaway on which we’re taking our first ever cruise. We’re docked in Roatan, Honduras today. I read the titles of the books to him. His response? “Those aren’t real books,” so I showed him the picture. He’s suitably impressed.

  9. I’m at work so I really don’t think I should play any of your videos right now. On a more humourous note, one of my board members is a manager of several Dairy Queens. I wonder if he is familiar with the next book???

  10. Unfortunately, I’m at work, so 1) I can’t drink wine, which really sucks because if there’s anywhere I REALLY need wine, it’s work. And 2) I can’t see Instagram or your Instragram posts on this blog at work because they have it blocked and I already had my ass handed to me today for being on my cell phone too much. Hence, why wine would be really good right now.

  11. I read The Haunted Vagina and was like “Wait..this is some messed up shit right here.” and couldn’t put it down, honestly.

  12. I guess Im ahead of the curve. I finished Every time we meet at the dairy queen your whole fucking face explodes..a week ago. Spiderweb girl indeed.

  13. I read the first chapter out loud to my husband in my bored librarian voice. He was so intrigued he read it too. A better read than I was anticipating, definitely too short, needed more character development. Would have liked a more in depth look of the vagina world and what, exactly, the lives of the skeleton people were like.

  14. I liked it more than I thought I would, although I really wasn’t sure what to expect.
    Handsome is somewhat bemused by my foray into a previously unknown fiction genre, but since it’s Jenny at the helm he’s okay with it. 😉

  15. It’s too bad Amazon doesn’t have a way for me to just subscribe to this, and have the books automatically be purchased. Then they’d appear, and I’d be very confused about what I was thinking when I got them and how I even found them until I saw your post, and I’d NEVER LEARN to just assume first thing that it was a book club book.

  16. That Dairy Queen book sounds funny, but it might be really cool if the club also sometimes used books that are available at the library. My budget doesn’t support buying books regularly, but I would love to join the discussions. 🙂
    Love you, Jenny.

  17. Thank you, thank you, Jenny, for giving me the first laugh of my day! Every time I turn to your blog, I bust out laughing! You are awesome, and I am totally going to get these books and hurry up and read them to catch up with you all

  18. Maybe we need to support an Amazon bookclub wishlist. For those who can’t afford to buy these priceless classics. And for people who would love to have a public book wish list that has The Haunted Vagina. Also, listening to you read aloud from the book made my day 1000% better. And yes, that is mathematically possible.

  19. And now my reading recommendations are as polluted as my amazon shopping recommendations…

  20. I kept expecting a more nefarious plot. Happily it was not as my troubled brain was considering. 4 out of 5 stars here too. Bizarro fiction is my new favorite genre. Can’t wait for the next read.

  21. I’m expecting the author to respond to this Blogger Army- caused uptick by penning you a gracious Thank You note and yes, I do mean on the good stationery, with a black-ink pen. Fountain, please.
    Also I’d like Carlton Mellick, III to leave some autographed copies in places readers can find them. If that can be done with a Haunted Vagina book.

  22. Ordered and read it in one sitting. A fantastical journey into the female genitalia complete with everything you’d expect female genitslia to contain. And a flaky male protagonist to boot. 5 stars.

  23. If book club consists of you reading books to us, I’m all for it. I got both your books in audiobook as well as print format because I like to have you read to me whilst I am in transit… helps me deal with the ‘it’s people-y’ anxiety.

  24. I may have to read this just to find out how this happens “every time” as opposed to just once.

  25. Wait. Are we critiquing The Haunted Vagina, or the exploding face book? I need to know which book to read first.

  26. Dare I click the digital library’s recommend button on this?

    Oops. Too late!

    Also, I think the cover our digital library shows is much more haunted vagina-y.

  27. I gave my husband a synopsis of the book.
    Husband:so do you think we are all insode a giant vagina right now?
    Me: Probably, seems like God’s design
    Hisband: A Vagiverse

  28. Ummm…this author also wrote the interestingly titled “ The Menstruating Mall.” Who IS this man and is his muse a demon from another dimension?!?

  29. I finished this in one sitting, it had me enthralled! LIke a car wreck I couldn’t look away.
    I am forever changed. I will have nightmares for days. Yet now I NEED to read all of his books!!

  30. Yea! A book club that I actually read the book for!

    I choose to read this month’s selection on the airplane as I flew to my sister’s for my nephew’s HS graduation. I found the book a fast and easy read and felt it did just the right amount of announcing to the old(er) ladies sharing the row with me that I did not in fact want to talk.

    As an owner of a vagina, I found some of the character’s blase reaction to be just a little unrealistic. But much of the rest was a fun frolic into the strange ways we connects with our hook-ups and that many people with literally do anything for hot sex.

  31. Have you seen “Tender Wings of Desire”? It’s the KFC/Colonel Sanders romance.

  32. So has anyone invited Carlton to our book club? I have to say I’m interested in someone who writes books like this… or at least with book titles like this since I haven;t read either yet. Perhaps we need an author video with him explaining his writing ideas.

  33. Obviously the H stands for Humble, because IMNSHO stands for In My Not So Humble Opinion. It’s not “in my not so honest opinion”. Get it together, Internet.

  34. I am trying really very hard not point out that 3 of the 5 elements of plot are rising action, climax, and falling action.

    Because that would be easy and wrong.

    Kind of like a haunted vagina.

  35. You reading parts of the book was amazing. Instead of book club can we have story time where you read to us. It would make my life so much more amazing.

  36. I’m currently reading The Cannibals of Candyland. Same author. My local library has a suprising number of his books

  37. Ok have you read the exploding face book yet? It’s only 2.99 on Kindle and I want to get it to read it for our book club but I have a spider phobia and I’m scared of what might be in it. Can you read it and let me know if it will trigger something that will make me stay under the covers for the next two weeks? I am specifically worried about pictures, even drawings, but also graphic descriptions might be problematic. Yes, I’m weird. Join the club….wait you started the club. Never mind.

    (I just ordered it so it doesn’t come in until tomorrow. Sorry! ~ Jenny)

  38. I have to admire the fact that someone could come up with a story featuring a haunted vagina. As weird as it is, it does demonstrate truly imaginative storytelling. I suppose the male equivalent might be a demon possessed talking penis. I hasten to add that I have no interest in exploring that premise. I prefer “naughty bits” without supernatural powers at work. Just plain old prurient interests for me please.

  39. I already replied about my experience with The Haunted Vagina. But I have to say that your next book club choice made me laugh out loud. I don’t know what I love more–the artwork, the title itself, or how the title is so oddly specific.

  40. Thank you for reminding me, though I’m not sure how I managed to forget about The Haunted Vagina. You’d think that’d be pretty memorable. The good news is there are UK rights to it on Kindle (long story, but I didn’t want to lose all of my books so I have to keep that account), so for the bargain price of £3.97 I am in for the first meeting of the Bloggess Book Club. Not sure what this says about it, but I’ve also bought Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes for a measly £2.14. It is rated 5/5 so I think you’re on to a winner.

  41. On behalf of all indie authors (but especially that guy) thank you for the boost!

  42. Jenny please yourself and use the full expression. It has served me well.

    “In my humble but correct opinion.”

  43. Can I sugest a book for the club? It’s called ”bimbofication day – boring to bimbo”, by Reagan Lockhart. I have to catch up with the club, Haunted Vagina is super expensive on Amazon BR 🙁 I’m tempted to by the paperback instead of the kindle version, I think my bookshelf has a lot to gain.

  44. Why? Whhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

    I just put in on my reading list. Why not?

  45. Loved the vagina book, I then went on to read the Dairy Queen one, so I guess I was reading ahead, dang. I concur with the 4 out of 5 stars.

  46. Amazon really needs to get better about its family library settings… luckily I discovered that covers show up on my child’s “protected” account BEFORE I indulged in some of the romances I like. The covers are aimed at me, not my sixth grader.

  47. Thank you for going on to explain what IMHO means. I was stumped and stopped reading at that point, and started guessing. I think I like “In My Head Only” better.

  48. What is wrong with Victor? I would think that having your wife read to you about vaginas, in bed, no less, could lead to some very interesting activities.

  49. I am conflicted – your book selections intrigue me, but I’m too cheap to buy books (and my husband hates when I get more books). My library doesn’t carry them. I guess I will have to live without the knowledge of why the vagina is haunted and why the exploding face…

  50. I was just looking to order this, and because my husband has Prime, he threatened to take my laptop away if I ordered it on his account.

  51. I ordered The Haunted Vagina through interlibrary loan, read it, was mildly confused and unsatisfied, then passed it on to one of my fellow librarians. Unfortunately I can’t get the newest pick through ILL, so I’ll have to pass, because I have to pay for a cruise.

  52. After listening to those excerpts, I am 100% certain those books need to be made into full length motion pictures.

  53. I read The Haunted Vagina and I was like WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ but also it was hilarious and just the escapism I needed. If anyone wants me to send them my copy I’d be happy to donate it to another Bloggess Book Club member. It will make you… happy? freaked out? I dunno. It’ll certainly take your mind off life for a while.

  54. I downloaded the book as soon as you mentioned it a few weeks ago and like you read it in one sitting. Since then, I have downloaded about two dozen more of his books. I loved APESHIT and am currently working on the CANNIBALS OF CANDYLAND. Good stuff.

  55. Jenny,
    I’m a long time fan and could use some friendly advice. As someone who suffers from depression, I have appreciated your descriptions of what depression is like and how to cope. Recently I’ve started dating someone who suffers from severe anxiety. Most of my understanding of anxiety comes from reading you. It has helped me to understand why, no we can’t go out to one of my favorite restaurants because it’s too crowded for him and yes we need the blinds closed to be close. I’ve gotten him to sign up for therapy and I try to listen and not push. Can you or Victor make suggestions for what else I can do to be supportive and be hopeful this will get better with time?
    Thank you for everything. You are wonderful and I love you,

    (The best thing you can do is what you’re already doing…listening and understanding, or at least trying to. You have no idea how much that makes a difference. ~ Jenny)

  56. A Public Service Announcement for other folks who can’t always buy a new book–interlibrary loan isn’t just for college students!! Most public libraries also have ILL services, and according to WorldCat, there are about 9 libraries that own copies of The Haunted Vagina. Unfortunately, it looks like only 1 library owns Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes, and it’s in New Zealand, but sometimes if you request something through ILL that they can’t find, the library will just buy it. Of course, you have to be willing to fill out an interlibrary loan form with a title like “The Haunted Vagina”…

  57. I enjoy Puddles Pity Party (marvelously sad clown with the golden voice) music videos, especially his first American Idol audition. I like videos in general.
    I read Furiously Happy, and I enjoyed it greatly. (I also like the companion book, although I haven’t finished it. Art takes so much longer to process, if it’s very rich. I’m glad for your talent, and the courage to share it despite the troubles.)

  58. P. S. Misplaced comment, above this one! Oops.
    I cannot join this particular discussion group, as I can afford neither the investment nor the exposure in current circumstances. Enjoy, and I’ll peep here.

  59. Man vs. Baby by Matt Coyne is incredibly funny. His chapter on sleep is dead-on.

  60. And please tell me you’ve read ‘A Dirty Job’ and ‘You Suck’ by Christopher Moore. That shit is right down your alley.

  61. Just fyi, after seeing this book on your blog, i ordered two for gifts. One for my sister for Mother’s Day (she turned me on to you blog recently and gave me a copy of Furiously Happy over a year ago). The second was for my best friend from home (don’t know if that should all be hyphenated) for her birthday. I don’t know if they have read them yet, but receiving it made them both laugh, so thank you for the gift idea. 🙂

  62. I have to say I enjoyed you reading it more than I actually enjoyed reading it.
    Because I got it online but picked up in person, I got the great joy and also moment of shame of going to the bookstore:
    Me: I’m here to pick up the book I ordered. I got an email it arrived.
    Clerk: sure, what’s the title?
    Me: oh…um…the haunted vagina. (Looking over at the woman next to me in line with her little kid) Sigh…

  63. I agree, you definitely need to do the audio book reading. And my husband is the opposite of Victor in many ways, but this is one instance where I was laughing so hard that my husband insisted on me reading it to him in bed. But, let’s be honest, my husband is really just a male version of you, and I’m a non-republican female version of Victor. So there’s that.

  64. I completely forgot that I need this book in my life. The 1st time I went to Chapters to buy one I was with my 12 yr old daughter! I thought I would look it up, pick it up and buy it without her even giving me a glance (because she is 12 and couldn’t care less what I am doing). Nope that is NOT what happened! When I did a search for it I was inturrupted by a lovely sales associate who just HAD to help me. Because I assume I looked too old and fragile to work the keyboard!!! She proceeded to ask the title of the book I was looking for. Both she and my daughter instantly had the look of shock as I gladly gave up the name! Of course it was out of stock …I assume because of the popularity provided here! I must go back tomorrow (without preteen) to locate or order this book! After hearing you read it I know I must own it …and pass it down when the time is right!

Leave a Reply