Twenty questions

Conversation between my daughter, my husband and me:

Hailey:  We should get off our phones while we eat and play a game.

me:  Okay.  Let’s play 20 Questions.

Hailey:  What’s 20 Questions?

Victor:  You’ve got 19 left.

Hailey:  What?

me:  18.

Victor:  Wow.  You are really bad at this.

Hailey:  WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?

me: 17.

Hailey:  I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT’S HAPPENING.

Victor:  That’s not even a question.

me:  Double penalty for not asking questions.  You have to stand on one foot until one of the cats touches you.

Hailey:  THIS IS NOT A REAL GAME.

me:  Uh oh.

Victor:  Ooh.  Bad idea.

Hailey:  What?

Victor: Denouncing the game while in the game is a triple penalty.  You just lost all your points and you can’t use your hands until somebody farts.

Hailey:  I just wanted to play UNO.

me:  Good luck playing UNO with no hands.

PS. The dog farted.  We played UNO.

 

 

76 thoughts on “Twenty questions

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Fabulously funny and hilarious! You are a gem and what great fun with Victor and Hailey too!!

  2. Ok. Apropos of nothing I just gotta lay this down as an absolutely 100% effective depression killer. Watch as many episodes as necessary of Kid President to cheer you up. You may cry, but in a good way, not snarly sad self hating way. Just thought I’d put it out there cause I’ll forget next time you blog something for which it would be a more appropriate response.

  3. Sounds like a common interaction between me and my daughter. I feel like I accomplished somehting last week when she said “I think that is the stupidest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

  4. Torturing our kids is an inalienable right and yes, very fun, and yes, it makes me secretly hold hope inside that in the next twenty years or so we’ll come to our senses and pass social medicine here so that my son’s therapy will be free.

  5. It’s never the dog in our house. It’s my husband. He farts as loud as possible, then waves it my direction while asking if I think it smells more like dead skunk or dead platypus. (Hint: It’s ALWAYS skunk.)

  6. Suuurrreee it was Dottie. She’s too ladylike. Fortunately, I’m not, so Hailey can always claim I farted to win the game (and she’ll probably be right — damn IBS!).

  7. “Can’t use your hands until somebody farts” made me laugh until I started coughing.
    I really hope that Hailey is keeping notes to write her memoir. I want to read it in another 15 years.
    As always, thanks for the laugh!

  8. Dagnabbit! I finally read a blog entry soon enough to not have to scroll 30 times to get to the comment box and I don’t have a comment.
    Oh.
    Guess I do.
    HA!

  9. Game night at your house is so much better than when I was a kid. My dad would concentrate literally ALL his energy on building hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place, then laugh when he took all our money. I still can’t put a thimble on without having terrible flashbacks. This is why I never learned to sew.

  10. I so needed this giggle, Jenny, thank you. After a hideously stressful day (daughter collapsed at school, thought it was going to be a serious situation, hours in the ER having tests, long story short, she’s fine), but I’m alternating between hysterical laughter and tears. Mostly tears, now I come to think of it. Even though we are all now home and she’s recovering just fine. Holy moly, what a day.

  11. It’s even more fun torturing the kids in public. My favorite location was Panjo’s Pizza in Corpus Christi, where they had a Dixieland band on weekends. My niece and nephew would literally hide under the table when sister and I would sing along with the band. Second favorite is anywhere they have kareoke.

  12. @#36: Team Victifer (gets both their names in, and is vaguely reminiscent of Lucifer) 😀

  13. My husband and daughter always try to suck me into playing games with them, but since they are both terrible losers AND winners, I try to stay out of it. They had a 24 hour grudge going over a Connect 4 tournament. When they get really obnoxious, I have to start playing the arguing lynx video at them, because it totally reminds me of them.

  14. I love seeing kids tormented by cunning conniving adults. It gives them such great material to inflict on their kids! Awesome work keeping the torment going down the generations!!! 🤣🤣🤣

  15. What if your kid can fart on cue? No shit, seriously. All she has to do is think about it. And doesn’t blame the dog. She’s proud of her stench.

  16. Good dog, Dorothy Barker. I love it when the spousal unit is completely in sync. The marriage mind meld is a glorious thing.
    Also, have you ever tried one of those 20 Questions electronic games? They are eerie!

  17. My daughter always would roll her eyes and tell me to “JUST STOP IT!” when I would respond like that. One time I did, she stopped and gave me a puzzled look and stated emphatically that “Dad- you’re not doing it right!”

  18. Totally off subject, but equally as funny in the weird-kid-interaction department: The other day, my youngest confided to me that the trailer of “It” really scared her (me, too, kid. Me, too.) Apparently a boy named George gets his arm ripped off and eaten by Pennywise in the film (which I didn’t know; thanks so much for sharing), and this thought really terrified her. I ruminated that it was no wonder he was grumpy, he lived in a SEWER. How bad must it reek all the time, and when did he last have a bath? We decided that he only ate George’s arm because he was desperately hungry for something that didn’t stink. Maddy decided to write a sequel entitled “It II: Pennywise Gets A Pizza And Chillaxes”. I think Steven King would be delighted.

  19. Sounds like a cross between Twenty Questions and Calvinball (from Calvin and Hobbes, one the best cartoons EVER).

  20. You and Victor are going to be such entertaining grandparents!
    Here’s one to use, free of charge.
    The family was collected at the house of my stepsister Lauri – Laurie and her husband, her three sisters and their husbands, all their assorted children ages 1 to 4, my mom and my stepdad George, and my brothers and me. My stepsisters are all kind of stuffy and prissy, unlike the rest of us.
    George scooped up Lauri’s youngest, then in diapers. He wrinkled his nose, made a disgusted face, and said, “Whoo! This one has a load.” Everyone looked in that direction, and he stuck a finger into the diaper, pulled out the malted milk ball he’d just palmed, stuck it in his mouth, and said, “Damn, Lauri, what have you been feeding this child?”

  21. I just want you to know I posted “Knock Knock MF” as a reply to a post on FB today about someone buying a metal rooster. Also there were people there who knew what I meant. It was a moment. We love you!

  22. Just finished FURIOUSLY HAPPY. It was given to me by a friend who saved my life more than once.

  23. This sounds way too similar to how games went when I was a kid, except I was the one confusing my parents. Possibly because I loved to make up random rules during otherwise classic/boring games. I was never creative enough to think of a ‘can’t use your hands’ penalty though, that’s awesome.

    (Also, I just want to mention that my mom bought me the audiobook of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened today as an early birthday present and I am soooooooooo happy!! Already listened to two hours of it.)

  24. This made me think of Calvin and Hobbes and their many games that came with made up rules! Nicely done Jenny (and Victor!!) Poor confused Hailey!!

  25. Please Ms. Jenny — add “Crapscrabble” to this tag! I had totally forgotten about that post until one of the early commenters mentioned it. And now I’m grinning so wide it hurts. I want to be able to tell people about both of them at once!

  26. Your child is going write the world’s best “Tell All” book. Only, then she’ll have to deal with the fact that her mother already TOLD all. Wait, I know – she can turn it all into a movie. Who will play you and Victor in the movie?

  27. Isn’t it funny how it’s always the dog who farts, even though the farting noise is coming suspiciously from below the husband? My dogs have huge fart problems, apparently.

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