Falcon sex hats

Red Scharlach tweeted this out yesterday:

…and then about a billion people forwarded it to me and were like, “THIS MADE ME THINK OF YOU” and that’s concerning because other people get “I saw the sunrise and thought of you” but I’ve managed to corner the market on raptor jizz hats. ( Also, spellcheck was like “Did you mean ‘raptor jazz hats’?” and no, spellcheck.  You’re not helping.)

So I felt weird about it for a second and then immediately decided to celebrate the fact that you guys know me so well because honestly, this shit is amazing.  First off, it’s a hat that comes with a bird.  Possibly two.  Or more.  I don’t know how falcon orgies happen.  And instead of it being taxidermied like old fashioned bird hats the bird is still alive and I can stop paying the exterminator because the hat raptors will eat all the mice in my house.  And possibly by dog.  Unless I get her a jizz hat too.  Then we can match and honestly, we both have a face for hats so this works well.  Plus, if I’m collecting falcon sperm I can use that to make more falcons.  This hat pays for itself.  In falcons.

UPDATED:  OH HANG ON.

I thought the falcons were having sex on hats because they were exhibitionists and maybe they weren’t good at aiming so the hat caught anything “extra” but I just watched the video and turns out the hat is a fake lady-garden that the bird masturbates into while the hat wearer makes sexy falcon noises and this is a sentence I never thought I’d write but there it is.  

 

142 replies. read them below or add one

  1. So long as it attracts good birds like raptors. You don’t want it attracting Australian bin birds. You’ll need to search YouTube for Australian bin bird to see what I mean.

    Liked by 2 people

    Gaz recently posted Leftover sous vide meat, instant noodles, and coconut cream.

  2. Ok I have some questions – why are they attracted to this hat? I mean, it doesn’t look like a raptor, so I’m a bit confused by this.

    Also who in the world figured this out? Someone one day wearing a random hat and a bird just had sex on it, so that person was like “Hey, I can sell this!”

    (Okay, I just looked it up and apparently lots of falcons have bonded with their owners and aren’t into lady falcons so when they’re having sex with the hat they’re really sort of having sex with their owner, which I think is probably illegal in Texas. ~ Jenny)

    Liked by 10 people

  3. OMG and I thought my job was depressing. Also, less than 3% of birds actually have a penis, how weird is that? Woodpeckers don’t actually have peckers. It’s kind of sad.

    Liked by 7 people

    The Suzzzz recently posted Luna.

  4. oh my.

    Like

  5. Wow, just wow that’s all that comes to mind….wow Jenny…

    Liked by 2 people

    thehuntress915 recently posted Part 23………………………………Fishing for an Apology and a Remorseful Vampire.

  6. The fuck?
    I don’t think that falcon knows what it’s doing.
    I’d have blurred my face out of a video where I was literally head fucked by a bird.

    Liked by 6 people

  7. Words. Words elude me.
    A) how did they discover that this particular style was shagtastic for Falcons?
    B) WTF???
    Words should probably elude me henceforth.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Actually, I’m a little disappointed they don’t have a better name. Like spatchcock chapeau. Although I’m sure falcons would avoid anything with the word spatchcock in it.

    (salutes you ~ Jenny)

    Liked by 5 people

  9. I think this might be the best thing I’ve ever read. You could totally pull off a falcon jazz hat, too. Normally spellcheck and I are frenemies at best (I’m semi-convinced it’s conspiring with autocorrect to destroy me) but I think it may be on to something right now. House Bloggess is renowned for fierce metal chickens and even fiercer falcon jazz hats.

    Liked by 4 people

    knockingonfortysdoor recently posted Pain Spanx….

  10. @Gaz
    OMG, it’s been forever since I heard an Australian complaining about garbage birds, and I had no idea how much I missed it until just now!

    Like

  11. He could only be British.

    Like

  12. I love this SO much—and I love every member of the tribe who thought JENNY NEEDS TO SEE THIS.

    Falcon.
    Sex.
    Hat.

    Pays for itself—in falcons.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Is that what a bird vagina looks like?! I feel like I want to google ‘bird vagina’ but I’m also afraid of seeing something worse than that hat.

    Liked by 5 people

    mydangblog recently posted My Week 230: Gaffes and Guffaws.

  14. Dave Barry wrote a seriously funny (but what part of his work ISN’T) on this very subject back in THE 80’s (which coincendentally, I reread a couple of days ago), and I never expected they’d STILL be doing it. In fact, at first I thought your column would turn out to be that you’d discovered his column and were recommending it. How weird! (For anybody interested, the title of his column on this is titled “Cheep Sex).

    Liked by 3 people

  15. Your blog posts should come with an “R” rating.

    Like

  16. Why does it have to be on a hat? The couldn’t put the fake raptor vajayjay on a table or something?

    Liked by 2 people

  17. 17
    Karen Dockins

    This is made my day! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    Like

  18. The noises made by that guy in the video are the most disturbing thing I’ve heard all week (and my cats seem to agree). AHHHHHH AHHHH AHHHHH AHHHHHH YIP YIP YIP YIP YIP

    I imagine that guy being at a party, telling people what he does for a living. Someone says “do the noise! do the noise!” and then immediately regretting it.

    Liked by 3 people

  19. You still want one, don’t you?

    (I mean…yeah. ~ Jenny)

    Liked by 3 people

  20. So girl falcons have gigantic vaginas?

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Retirement options. My friend sent me this too with a wtf moment comment and I thought of you disclaimer. Wow. Lmao. I’m still not sure why falcons need assistance.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Not sure there’s a sentence out there that you won’t eventually write, and I love you for it!

    Liked by 1 person

  23. OH MY GOD PAUL, You don’t even say thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

  24. OMG, this is so weird (but not for the reason you’re expecting). Dave Barry wrote a truly hilarious column, entitled “Cheep Sex”) on this very subject back in THE 80’S, which coincidentally I happened to reread a couple of days ago. AND THEY ARE STILL DOING IT. When do you have enough falcon jizz?

    Like

  25. Yeah, it turns out raising falcons who have never really met other falcons is a recipe for weirdness. I also read that they tried to do the same with a species of parrot but the parrots were too aggressive so they tried robot parrots and that didn’t work either.

    Like

  26. AHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, c’mon now — you want us to believe that you don’t know how to make sexy falcon noises?! Your tribe knows you…

    Liked by 1 person

  27. I would argue that it’s not so much a hat that comes with a bird, but a bird that comes with a hat.

    Ba dump bump.

    Liked by 4 people

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  28. I wish there were a way to post the NBC “The More You Know” shooting rainbow star right now. I will never look at masturbating falcons the same way again.

    Liked by 1 person

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  29. “First off, it’s a hat that comes with a bird.”

    Surely it’s the other way around? 🤔

    Liked by 1 person

  30. I have just watched falcon porn. Another thing I never thought I’d do brought to me by The Bloggess.

    I have so many questions now, but NO WAY IN HELL is this going in my Google search history. God forbid Amazon got ahold of that information.

    Liked by 4 people

  31. Falcons are quick!

    Like

  32. The guy collecting the sperm, right in front of the bird, is kinda creepy. I suddenly started thinking about The Viking and someone running in to collect his……stuff…..right while he’s standing there and now I can’t have sex anymore. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

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  33. Well, we do have a neighborhood falcon. Not sure if I should get a hat though. I’d hate to be a raptor tease. Too bad it doesn’t attract Red-tailed Hawks — then it could be a “Buteo Beret!” 😉

    Like

  34. So I was just texting with my husband who travels for work, and it turns out his hotel is the site for a huge furry convention this weekend, and we were texting about a workshop on having sex with birds. I went directly from that to this, which is some bird-human-sexcapade coincidence that I honestly was not expecting. So thank you for that.

    Liked by 3 people

  35. this beats seagulls shitting all over your hat – i mean, CUM ON…. oh, i’m just gonna laugh about this the rest of the night. you guys are awesome! shagtastic? retirement options? Dave Barry!
    i love you all!

    Like

  36. I dunno, I think spell check is on to something. Raptor jazz hats could be awesome. Just imagine a whole line of them, wearing glittery bowler hats, doing the ‘One Singular Sensation’ number from ‘A Chorus Line’.

    Liked by 2 people

  37. Your spellcheck gives a whole new meaning to the term jazz/jizz hands. Only in this instance it would be jizz head. Is the falconer then giving head? I’d better stop now before I get too far down the lady garden path.

    Like

  38. NEVER have I wanted a bird to jizz on my head until today. Thank you, Jenny!!

    Liked by 1 person

    the incurable dreamer recently posted farewell, my friends.

  39. Large birds do seem to aim high when they breed. Our zoo had a large Ground Hornbill that had a thing for my boss. Henry tool every opportunity to jump on boss man’s head.

    Like

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  40. Large birds do seem to aim high when they breed. Our zoo had a large Ground Hornbill that had a thing for my boss. Henry tool every opportunity to jump on boss man’s head.

    Liked by 1 person

    becomingcliche recently posted Fans of the Bloggess, Beat the Mid-Winter Blahs With BOOKS!.

  41. Also? I want a jazz hat. To go with my jazz hands.

    Like

  42. Truth is stranger than fiction. I mean, how did they even invent this? What was that moment like? I always wonder what the thought process was before a thing existed.

    Liked by 1 person

  43. I have now found my calling. Er, falcon calling. I’m getting a hat ASAP.

    Like

  44. Hmmm…. this is a new weirdness to me. Was the guy saying “ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!” as in advertising that he is a bird slut? Gee whiz jizzz!

    Liked by 1 person

  45. Wow – thank you for sharing. That is so awesome.

    Like

  46. Dibs on being able to name my band Raptor Jazz. It’ll be a jazz ensemble. It’ll work perfectly. And we’ll all wear the hats. While in those raptor costumes. It’ll be perfect.

    Liked by 2 people

  47. I knew this from a show called QI we have in the UK. If you don’t already watch it, find it because I think it’s made for you. https://twitter.com/BBCTwo/status/1088818420936781828?s=20

    Liked by 1 person

  48. Don’t miss Stephen Fry and the endangered Kakapo:

    From BBC’s “Last chance to see”, based on Douglas Adam’s book with the same title.

    Liked by 1 person

  49. I will never ever ever get tired of the phrase “Lady Garden”.
    I thought only human women had one, but apparently they are not species-specific

    Liked by 1 person

  50. or a bird that comes on a hat. Sorry. Couldn’t help it. BTW – I am naming my next female cat “Tawdry Hepburn” in honor of your pet naming nomenclature because I ❤ you that much.

    Like

  51. Well. I guess I don’t have to watch porn tonight. Maybe you could knit one of those. https://possumscatsthingsgnawingatme.wordpress.com/2019/02/18/happy-birthday-from-the-eye-of-sauron/

    Like

  52. Absolutely love this! 💕💕💕💕

    Like

  53. What the F*** did I just watch?? That was the strangest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

    Like

  54. As someone who used the NYC subway for two decades, I in no way want spoodge of any kind on my apparel. Call me a prude, but NOPE.

    Like

  55. And I thought it was borderline obscene when our budgie masterbates with his toy in the cage we keep in our living room. Doesn’t matter if we have company over or are eating dinner – he has no shame. I guess that’s what they mean when they say be thankful for what you have… at least the budgie isn’t going to town on my head.

    Liked by 1 person

  56. This is some dystopian shit.

    Liked by 1 person

  57. Am I the only one who thought of “Clerks”? “It’s important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That’s why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.”

    Liked by 1 person

  58. “To date, over 6,000 peregrine falcons have been successfully released in the US alone. And while we’ve largely moved on to better and more efficient ways of collecting semen from donor birds, adaptations of Boyd’s creation are still in use today (and available for purchase, should you find yourself in need of a Sex Waffle).” Sited from: https://www.earthtouchnews.com/wtf/wtf/behold-the-falcon-sex-hat-a-species-saving-hump-helmet/

    SEX WAFFLE! I am DYING with laughter 😂🤣🥞

    Liked by 2 people

  59. Can we file this one under, I’d have to lie about my job on a first date?

    Liked by 1 person

  60. OF COURSE I forwarded you that tweet. Have you even met you?

    Liked by 2 people

  61. This might explain why some species become endangered–too much sex with hats, and not enough sex with lady birds. I can just imagine the female flacons sitting around watching the males grinding against hats and gossiping: “Poor Frank. He’s got such a hat fetish he’s forgotten women even exist.”

    Liked by 1 person

    Becky Weaver recently posted I Feel Frozen. Did Someone Piss Off Elsa, or Am I Just Anxious and Depressed?.

  62. thank goodness he is quick.

    Like

  63. i feel compelled to acknowledge this information that will stay with me forever but nothing seems appropriate.

    Like

  64. Um. I have no words, other than to say that I believe female birds don’t have a vagina — the male bird puts his cloaca (all purpose hole, kind of…) against hers, and passes the semen to her that way. Unless it’s one of the few avian taxa where the males have penises (my spellcheck doesn’t like when I try to use the plural penii — it just took like 7 tries to get that typed). I think some penguins have external genitalia? You’ve welcome. (but mostly thank you for the weird WTF post — much needed after the day I’ve had).

    Like

  65. My mind has wandered (and whose hasn’t at this point) … so what do the lady falcons do for fun?

    Liked by 2 people

  66. This is kind of amazing.

    Raptor Jizz Hats for all should be somebody’s presidential campaign promise. I don’t know whose, but somebody’s.

    Like

    mommatrek recently posted Money vs days sailed–a Carnival Cruise debate.

  67. 67
    Nicole Moriarty

    A. They look like those real old timey hats so I wonder inntfe 1500s if some poor ladies maid was out for a walk and got attacked by falcons
    B. Do the falcons ever miss their landings and the handler like loses an eye? The most Embarrassing way to lose an eye tbh
    C. Do the hats just look like massive falcon labia/vagina situations to falcons?

    Liked by 1 person

  68. I was under the distinct impression that even if something should be illegal, it probably isn’t in Texas.
    I learn the damnedest stuff from you, Jenny.

    Like

  69. this and all of the comments. I am laughing out loud. thank you Jenny and all who commented.

    Liked by 2 people

    selfhelpsunday recently posted Clippings.

  70. So you stand around saying ‘hey baby, baby’ in falcon while it jizzes in your hat so you can make falcon babies.

    Seems legit.

    And seriously, was that the only possible solution? A hat???

    Like

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  71. When I saw the tweet I swore I wasn’t going to like it or share it or write about it but now here you are and I have to like this because you wrote it and also because it reminds me that I’ve been paid to masturbate hogs which meant taking matters into my own hands but everybody who’s read my blog or any of my books or my website already knows this. So thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

  72. … How many other hats are there?!?!

    You wouldn’t do this with a bull. Just saying. Why does doing it with a bird seem wise?

    Liked by 1 person

    reneewittman recently posted Just a Leaking Hose!.

  73. Does this confuse falcons? Is anyone wearing a hat in danger?

    My brain…

    Like

  74. 74
    Little Things

    This is epic everyone will be wearing this

    Like

  75. And here I was upset when a random bird flew over and shit on my head. This is WAY more disturbing. Way.

    Liked by 1 person

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  76. I just played Feels So Good on my guitar but that has nothing to do with this.

    Liked by 1 person

  77. Hey Saracvt, I read that essay only yesterday! I picked up my threefer of Dave Barry’s books, and that one caught my eye ahem.
    The guy under the hat is making the noises as part of the falcon courtship ritual. Apparently, it translates to “Hey bay-BEE! hey bay-BEE!”
    No mention of jazz hands. Or jizz hands, for that matter.

    Like

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  78. 78
    Allen St. Clair

    I don’t think I could stop laughing long enough to wear a hat and screech while a falcon rubs its cloaca on the hat so that I could collect its jizz. And there are at least five things in that sentence I never could have imagined typing out.

    Like

  79. so if a falcon could make a porn movie, what do you want to wager it’s location would be the Kentucky Derby?

    Liked by 1 person

  80. Are they BLIND? I’ll never hear the phrase “eyes like a hawk” the same way again.
    Be glad it isn’t a harpie eagle.
    Where is this job on LinkedIn?
    The Atlanta Falcons definitely need a makeover – their helmet’s design is all wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

  81. I..omg, I have no words for this! It beats out the article I recently saw about how dolphins use puffer fish toxin as a hallucinogen.. But you know what? I use to respect falcons, but damn, if they are dumb enough to do this to a HAT…oh, again, words escape me…

    Like

  82. I’m confused. I just went to your online shop and you don’t have the hat for sale. Damn!

    Like

  83. Jesus god Jenny! Lol! 😂 I cannot open anything from you at work now! I had to leave a meeting because I had read the header for your email and burst into hysterical laughter like a 5 year old, 😂 Naturally I had to read everything you had to say on the subject. lol 😂 Thank you for brightening a boring work day!

    Liked by 1 person

  84. Words fail me. Poor falcon, though. Is this the height of his sex life? Does he know what it’s like to do it with a lady falcon? Weird-o-Rama.

    Like

  85. Wow. I do not know what I just watched.

    Like

  86. What’s really scary? My husband knew about this procedure.

    Liked by 2 people

  87. Can you imagine having to stand there while a Falcon f*ucks you in the head to completion? Awkward.

    Like

  88. Not much for foreplay, or a cigarette after…

    Like

  89. 89
    Marjorie Birch

    Jizzus H. Christ…

    And no cigarette afterward?

    Like

  90. Does it only work for falcons? I mean, if you forgot you had it on and accidentally wore it to the beach would you automatically be the hottest seagull ticket in town? Asking for a friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  91. Literally the oddest thing I’ve seen all day. Nope. Strike that. All week. Nope. All moth. Let’s just go with that. Can’t say all year because I’m January someone sent me a video of rabbits procreating. Yep. Poor little bunnies pass out afterwards.

    Like

  92. 92
    AJ-The Short One

    I always learn something from you. Thank you for making my life more interesting.

    Like

  93. This is just a general comment rather than one specific to this post (although it is gold).

    Thank you for existing…and sharing your awesome mind.

    Like

  94. What have you done to my YouTube history and subsequent predictions??? Also, now Jet’s famous for his jizz… Bet his owner thinks that sperm’ll be worth a fortune now!

    Like

  95. I saw this on a UK TV show a couple of weeks ago. The hat is the shape it is to enable efficient collection of the goods, it plays no part in attracting the bird. The bird would just happily shag the man’s head (or any other type of hat) but it wouldn’t make for easy collecting, although there’s film possibilities there – ‘There’s Something About Martin’. ‘Four Jizz Hats and a Beret’ – to name a couple.

    Like

  96. Well isn’t that special……

    Like

  97. Oh my glob. How can I unsee this?!

    Like

  98. Yeah so I was one of the billion who sent it to you. It was meant as a compliment, I swear!

    Like

  99. 100
    Benita Flores-Munoz

    Oh jizz…. I mean, geez. 🤣😂😆

    Like

  100. That is the best video ever! Falcon beastiality porn.

    Like

  101. What are you supposed to do while the falcon is having his fun? Breakfast, Jeopardy? Also, is the hat only for trying to have more falcons, or is it also used for casual falcon fun? So many questions.

    Liked by 4 people

  102. What I love most about you and your blog is today Falcon Jizz Hat, previous post important how to talk to your kids post. Both (oddly) necessary in this day.

    Liked by 1 person

  103. My question is who came up with this idea? “Hey Bob, I’ve got an idea for a way for my falcon to have sex with my head. I’ll wear a funky hat and make sex noises.”

    Liked by 2 people

  104. 105
    Tammy Goodson

    When people have bad poops, or weird things happen in the bathroom, they tell me they think of me. I’m not sure what that says about me.

    Like

  105. It’s official. Falcon breeders are the weirdest.

    Raptor lady-garden hat. Just saying.

    Like

  106. This is why I still love the world. Think of all the people who totally seriously worked on figuring this out and then wearing the hat and making the noise.

    I would like to think that the hat-wearers have the best-paying job ever…but maybe if that’s the kind of job you want, you don’t really care about the money…which makes me want to hate the world. Aaaaaaahhh! (opposite of a sex noise)

    Like

  107. Important talks to have with your kids- the Mental Health Talk and the Falcon Sperm Collection Hat talk

    Like

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  108. That’s a dedicated man right there. Having a parrot that is bonded to me, it’s not surprising to see that. Pretty inventive actually. I worked at an equine breeding barn and all breeding was done through artificial insemination. It was business as usual for us.

    Like

  109. They should have meetings for people who are enmeshed with their falcon’s problems…failure to procreate, a cocaine problem, etc…Falc-anon.

    If these falconers are the norm I think all of them need to practice some healthy detachment.. emotionally.. physically.. yeahhh.

    Like

  110. There should be meetings for falconers who are enmeshed with their falcon’s problems…procreation issue, cocaine problem, gambling addiction, etc…Falc-anon.

    If this is the norm then I think it’s time they healthfully detach…
    physically.. emotionally..
    Yeahhh.

    Like

  111. As a therapist, I can’t top (see what did there) what Jenny M wrote. Boundary and attachment issues galore.

    Like

  112. I never thought I would say this, but i kind of want a falcon fuck hat…

    Liked by 1 person

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  113. 114
    Jennifer :-)

    Checking that off my bucket list….

    Like

  114. I dunno , Jenny. The top of the hat looks sort of like bubble wrap. Who doesn’t love bubble wrap?

    Like

  115. The hat comes with a bird? But…and vice versa!!!!🤣🤣🤣

    Like

  116. 117
    Kerry McNeese

    Things that I missed out in my Disney knowledge of animal biology. Though I think this should be a show on Animal Planet. I mean can you just imagine the commentary? This week on Raptor’s Peaks. Ohhh La la -enter the pixelated privacy square-

    Like

  117. Omg this made me laugh. Thanks, as always 😘
    P.s my six year old is super into animal facts and loves raptors, but we’re going to have to skip this tidbit ha!

    Like

  118. When I’m sitting at work and think omg this just couldn’t be worse, I can totally say well least I don’t have a falcon screwing on my head. That’s a good thing.

    Just awesome. Totally hysterical.

    Like

  119. What the f*ck did I just watch? And WHY?

    Like

  120. And this is why i dont have a falcon

    Like

  121. I met a young man this weekend who so reminded me of you first story. He was from Sweden and at 7 his English wasn’t great. So I took him to the empty pet shop, all animals were just skins or shells. Once he understood and with a huge smile found a skunk with legs still attached and shoved his whole arm up inside to work it like a puppet. I’m going back to buy the skin now.

    Like

  122. 123
    Marjorie Birch

    I just watched this again. Oh my fkg God… it isn’t a hat that comes with a bird, it’s a bird that comes with a hat.

    Like

  123. 124
    Marjorie Birch

    How would you list this on a resume? Raptor Seed Captor? Avian sex worker? Falcon Fun ‘n Fertility Facilitator?

    Like

  124. This is one of the weirdest facts I know now. Thanks Jenny 🙂 Still learning every day ❤

    Like

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  125. I learn the craziest things from your blog! Thanks for sharing! 🙂

    Like

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  126. Yours is truly a singular voice in the modern world. So glad you are here.

    Like

  127. I want to say this is worse than the lady who used to masturbate that dolphin but I’m really not sure.

    Like

  128. I just laughed so hard at that bird once it was done. It swayed a little like “oh yeah, I’m ready for a nap now”. LOL thanks for sharing

    Like

  129. Weirdest. Porn. Ever.

    Like

  130. I saw Raptor Jazz Hats open for Dinosaur Jr. at Red Rocks.

    Liked by 1 person

  131. Everything good with you? I get a little worried when you haven’t posted for a while.
    Hugs from someone you don’t know, no matter if you need them or not!

    Like

  132. 133
    Sandra Williams

    Unexpected, weird, a twisted part of nature? Thank you Jenny! I have laughed and subsequently coughed myself breathless! Typing is indicative of survival.

    Like

  133. 134
    Cindy from Oregon

    I had a male lovebird for years, and he would masturbate on a rope knot perch I got him. He’d also regurgitate onto it (I know, TMI) as a male would do for a nesting female. Finally the vet suggested I remove it as she didn’t think it was healthy for a bird to masturbate all day. I took it out of the cage, but I still feel guilty.

    Like

  134. OK, so “Tower Girl,” is a falcon who nests in the famous tower at UT-Austin. We’ll be attending our son’s graduation — outdoors, at the base of that tower — in May. Under no circumstances will any of us be wearing hats. Of any kind. So, thanks for the warning!

    (You can watch her live at https://biodiversity.utexas.edu/resources/falcon-cam?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=UTAustinSocial)

    Like

    OwnLessDoMore.us recently posted None of the above: a sojourner meanders through the 2020 Census.

  135. Am I to believe that a female falcon’s vagoo is like bubble wrap? Curious!

    Like

  136. I stopped listening to Michael Cohen for this…seems appropriate.

    Like

  137. MY OH MY……only you Jenny could find this. Love you!!

    Like

  138. 139
    Laurie Marcum

    This is the exact reason I LOVE the internet! I can now say I have seen a falcon whack off…

    Like

  139. … except I don’t think you get the falcon as a bonus for buying the hat, unfortunately. I think you have to buy the hat so your falcon has a way to fuck your head.

    … which is a statement I NEVER expected to make or write! Woof!

    Liked by 1 person

    emelle recently posted I've been busy - how 'bout YOU?.

  140. 141
    Linda Hester

    Why do I always end up reading these posts in the of hours of the morning? Then trying to silently laugh my ass off? I live in Pensacola and I guarantee no one in my family will ever look at a seagull the same way again!! Thanks Jenny!

    Liked by 1 person

  141. I heard about falcon sex hat from the podcast everything is alive episode 4 of season 2.

    Liked by 1 person

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