I bet people are sad about the lack of squirrel swag though.

This weekend I brought Hailey with me to the Mom 2.0 Summit in Austin and it was sort of awesome because I had someone to hide in my hotel room with but I also had someone who made me actually get out of my hotel room when she got bored.  I was able to see so many people I love and although I probably only spent six hours outside of the room it felt like a big step for me.

On Friday I had to present an award at the Iris Awards and I’d wanted to get my hair done but I was too exhausted so instead I comforted myself with the fact that I did at least have a nice new dress and that was really reassuring until I was putting it on and felt a lump on my thigh.

Because the security tag was still on it.  *sigh*


And it was a little mortifying but honestly?  Pretty on brand for me.

But it was okay because the ruffles hid it and no one would have known had I not immediately told everyone on twitter and also showed it to every single person I saw in real life.  (Bonus: It acted as a built-in fidget spinner and if I got caught in an awkward conversation I could always squirt ink and run away like a terrible octopus.)

Also Hailey twisted her ankle in her heels so she decided to wear combat boots but honestly I think it works and at least we match in our weirdness.

Then at the actual awards show I had to present Most Entertaining Blog of the Year and if you click here and forward to the 41 minute mark you can see me fuck it up completely.  Like to the point that the host (Adam Rippon) came on seconds later and said, “What…is happening?”  And that was a fair question, but also I think the whole thing was probably pretty entertaining if you weren’t actually on the stage so I think it’s probably fine.

Or I won’t ever be asked to give out an award again.

Either way works really.

97 thoughts on “I bet people are sad about the lack of squirrel swag though.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I think when they invited you, they knew what they were getting. It’s so “you”.

  2. That dress is awesome – even with the fidget spinner accessory! totally hilarious. Now I must go see how you flunked out of your award giving duty, because I am positive it is super entertaining. I do not mind holing up in a hotel room that other people have to clean -especially if it gets better channels than I do at my home, which goes without saying!

  3. The dress is awesome even with the tag. Hailey is so grown up!! Would have lived to get an award from you don’t care what the speech sounded like!

  4. Meeting you, and having a chance to express my gratitude over how you’ve educated our family about depression, was the highlight of the conference me. You, and Adam, and the sugar glider combo—a close runner up. There’s so much guilt associated with failing to recognize depression in your kid, especially when your kid told you over and over the best they could that they had depression. But guilt is fuel for positive change. And you, Jenny, are rocket fuel for positive everything. Thank you for what you do and thank you for your head tilt, soft eyes, and hug.

  5. You both look amazing! I love that dress and the attack ink option just makes it that much better. I’m terrified of squirrels (long traumatic story involving attempted involuntary squirrel sleepover) and still loved that part on IG. You are the best!

  6. I have to give a reading from my book, Bipolar Me, in May and my husband has thoughtfully said he’ll stand in the back and yell, “Show us your tits!” if I start to flop.

  7. Your new dress is stunning! Isn’t it incredible to have a human raised by us to accompany to activities and events? It’s a special kind of awesome. You’ve done well.

    When I win an award, I would like for you to present me with the security tag. Seriously. You could auction that sucker off on Ebay for Project Night Night.

  8. You look absolutely fabulous as does your charming side-kick who proves yet again – combat boots, always a faithful dress up or down kinda accessory. She looks absolutely on trend:) And those smiles – the most beautiful of all! Thanks for sharing!

  9. You look like you’ve been working out, and that makes me want to do pushups. Sadly and fortunately, I am at work and can’t drop and attempt any exercise without getting the full attention of everyone here, so I’ll have to wait.

  10. My dad died while I was visiting him so I had to buy a dress for his funeral. At the church I kept feeling something smack my leg, looked sown and yep, security tag. Found scissors and cut it off before the funeral started but it still gives me a laugh to think about. Bonus-I took the dress back to the store and they actually gave me my money back!

  11. Well, you may have fucked it up royally, but at least your aren’t a royal fuck up! We all love you so much, and your books give us reasons to go on living. Thanks pretty lady 🙂

  12. I cannot say enough how much I love you, Jenny. You brighten every day just by being you.
    Thank you so much for sharing your ups and downs with us. <3

  13. I went with two old and best (thank the goddess) girlfriends to San Antonio the weekend of Fiesta. I lost my phone TWICE in one day — the second time it was found only because one friend suddenly started ringing, holding the shopping bag I’d thrust on her in my panic at discovering the phone missing from my purse AGAIN. The next day I left my credit card at the restaurant where we’d eaten, getting it back only because we’d wandered into the gift shop, where the server tracked us down. He got a grateful hug, although he’d probably have preferred a five.

    Like Red Green says, I’m pulling for you. We’re all in this together.

  14. You did great and you look fabulous.

    I read “Mom 2.0 Summit” and it made me wonder if there was a second version of Moms, and I still have one of those 1.0 models.

  15. On the combat boots: As Nicolas Cage said 30 years ago in Peggy Sue Got Married (this is from memory but I bet I have it verbatim), what’s the point of being a teenager if you can’t dress weird?

    Also, it doesn’t look weird, it looks great.

  16. OMG, you make me laugh so hard. I thought your story was totally appropriate for the category you presented. And I’m still laughing. Poor Adam for not hanging out with people like us on a regular basis. 🙂

  17. LOVED it! Flying squirrels taped to the bottom of the seats would have been perfect. I am sorry that they nixed that idea out of hand. Next time I’ll bet they will let it happen!

  18. Who was in the sugar glider costume?!?!

    (The fantastic Wendi Aarons. ~ Jenny)

  19. OMG, Jenny, that was amazing! You may have felt adrift, but you were absolutely you and they invited you, so what did they want if not that?!

    I adore you, and I’m so glad you’re here and just the person you are! The world needs you in it.


  20. LOVE the dress! What is the brand and where did you buy it?

    (I can’t remember the brand but it was from Macy’s. ~ Jenny)

  21. Tre chic you two! With Haileys look it totally works because you have the contrast of edgy and soft themes together and the boots are neutral (black) so great substitute at the last minute.

    You could even run with her already fun edgy yet classic look if you paired her dress and boots with a black leather or faux leather jacket-edgy and chic! Then pair the look with some black wayfarer shaped sunglasses. So fun!

    In fashion we should all be fearless-dress in a way that makes us feel happily ourselves and let people think what they may. My mom was a fashion buyer so I’m passionate about fashion. She used to teach me about fabrics, and staples of the wardrobe, etc. We may not have had money to shop sometimes, but we would window shop together and that was enough for us. Instead of bonding over baking cookies, we bonded over fashionable clearance finds and deals..

    She gave me the freedom to be creative with my wardrobe growing up-it’s something I will always be grateful for. ❤️

    Btw have had the dreaded security tag incident happen to me-and the store I bought it from was far away. Had to take it off myself because no other store would and it ruined my top. Those things are the devil!!! Hopefully you can have the store take that off for you!

    Btw Jenny you did a fantastic job presenting 👏!!!!!

    You could not look more gorgeous in that fantastic dress.
    Your daughter is equally gorgeous in another fantastic dress
    SIX HOURS OF PEOPLING is a LOT and you deserve all the kudos.
    I always thought I’d like to be reincarnated as a cuttlefish because THEY ARE SO MUCH THE COOLEST EVER but now I’m thinking I would love to be able to squirt ink and run away like a terrible octopus.
    Anyone would/should be completely honored to have you as the presenter of their award. In fact I would like to make up some awards for myself and have you present them to me because that would be THE MOST AWESOME DAY OF MY LIFE. <3

  23. I absolutely LOVE your outfits and I am always a little jealous of your beautiful nails. 🙂 You are so so Awesome!!!!

  24. That was amazing and beautiful! Also, I’ve had that inky security tag issue on an outfit I bought for a job interview. I didn’t find it until the morning of the interview so… I couldn’t wear the outfit I specifically bought for said interview. I absolutely blame that sales clerk for me not getting the job.

  25. You attract the weird more than anyone I know, but then you make blog posts like this, which embrace the weird, make people smile, and leave me so very glad to have you in my life.

  26. Looks like your presentation was the most entertaining thing that happened all evening!!!

  27. The photo of you and Hailey ~ two hot babes ~ the beaming smile, tho not where we are accustomed to seeing one, was delightful ~ Hooray for you!!!

  28. You and Hailey both look beautiful! Love the dress but love the story even more. You most def were NOT the weirdest in Austin. Rock on with your bad self!

  29. You and Hailey both look beautiful! Love the dress but love the story even more. You most def were NOT the weirdest in Austin. Rock on with your bad self!

  30. You two are like peas in a pod! She’s as beautiful as you are! I send you both HUGE Hugs!

  31. Your dress, gorgeous spinner and all. You both look just lovely. And just think of all the entertainment you provided the audience and all the people you saved from their own mess ups.

  32. SOOOOOOfunny and you looked beautiful…the 2 both of you as my kids would say.

  33. When I clicked the link, all I could see was an enormous pink cow pe nis for a video titled big cows mating. The IRIS one wasn’t loading. Under that was big horse mating. Then bigger cow mating, big dog mating, buffalo mating….the list went on. Eventually the IRIS one loaded and I saw a sugar glider and I was happy but also horrified because I’d already seen so many poor animals who would have won an award for best supporting animal in the last videos. That is, if animals have porn awards. I need a vodka too.

    What’s weirder is no one else in these comments seems to be mentioning it, so were those videos specifically picked for me due to some strange algorithm? If so, I’m searching for some weird stuff while sleep walking.

    At least now I know where puppies come from.

  34. You were fucking hilarious!!! Adam, not so much! He was trying too hard and you were just your naturally hysterical self! DO NOT CHANGE!!!

  35. I especially like the combat boot/dress combo. Rock on
    Second, you both look GORGEOUS, tags be damned.
    Third, you totally made the show for me. And it was very on brand for you, so it’s all fine!

  36. That is Dress is AWESOME on YOU!!!!! You both are beautiful! Boots are my favorite too. 😉
    Where the hell did you find that dress, which is PERFECT on you, and how did you get the courage to pull it off so beautifully??
    Absolutely exquisite! Sometimes life goes just right.

  37. I’m almost crying!!! How do you even have the balls to get up on stage–and talk?!! You should give yourself more credit hero-lady! AWESOME LAWSON….I do say.

  38. Combat boots go with everything–I’m 53 and I have a pair with studs that I regularly wear to work just because I’m 53 and no longer give a shit what anyone thinks. That’s a beautiful picture of you and Hailey, by the way:-)

  39. OMG I’m crying laughing! Best emotional support sugar glider appearance ever! 😂😂

  40. I’ve totally had the security tag thing happen to me before. And when I took the dress back to the shop to get the tag removed the shop assistant acted like I was the stupid one…awkward. Anyway I think you killed it – your award presentation banter has me snorting at my desk, so thanks for that. And combat boots are always a solid style choice.

  41. You both look amazing in your outfits, and Hailey is absolutely gorgeous, what a dazzling smile she has.

    Also, they should pay you for the extra entertainment value you provide. ❤️

  42. You both look lovely and honestly I think the boots completed Hailey’s outfit perfectly.

  43. I loved the person in in costume coming out and handing you the drinking and you sipping and exclaiming “Oh! that’s pure vodka!”

    Better than wine slushies?

  44. Your dress is amazing! You both look fantastic! The boots look cool on Hailey!

  45. Oh Jenny…you’re just perfect the way you are. Your award giving was delightful, just like you and that dress is to die for…plus a built-in toy??? Winner winner chicken dinner!!!

  46. When I click on the link, all I get is “Sorry, this content isn’t available right now
    The link you followed may have expired, or the page may only be visible to an audience you’re not in.” Oh well, such is my life. I would have loved to have been able to see it.

  47. That is an awesome pic! The two of you are precious. And I totally love your dress.

  48. Um. NO. You didn’t fuck it up. HE was being EXTRA. hair flip Gurl, you rocked it and it isn’t your fault that no one told you PRIOR TO GOING ON STAGE that the winners weren’t there. That was poor event management.

  49. you give me so much hope 🙂 Going out is my hardest thing ever.

  50. You did not mess up! That was the best award presentation ever :). Definitely not boring or predictable.
    On a more serious note you should be so proud of yourself for getting up on stage in front of the crowd and continuing to breathe and even more admirable be funny and charming.
    Thank you for being authentic and encouraging fellow quirky people.

  51. You did not mess up! That was the best award presentation ever :). Definitely not boring or predictable.
    On a more serious note you should be so proud of yourself for getting up on stage in front of the crowd and continuing to breathe and even more admirable be funny and charming.
    Thank you for being authentic and encouraging fellow quirky people.

  52. I realize I do this too. I talk down expectations so that no matter what – if people like what I did or don’t like what I did, their expectations are met or exceeded. It’s especially fun if they believe you when you talk yourself down and then expectations are overly exceeded! That is what you did here. Own it! I want to see you wearing a crown with this presentation on your head!

  53. That dress was gorgeous and I thought it was the most amazing speech ever!

  54. I thought there was going to be something about squirrel swag! Or the lack there of and you making said squirrel swag.

    I’ve got two squirrels(Twitch and Chop) who I have to catch when you do!

  55. Oh my. I just discovered Pokémon go for Harry Potter fans…’.Wizards Unite’. I just freed Hagrid outside my house.I’m expecting you two will be a little busy with this…..

  56. I love that presentation…they should have you at every awards ceremony <3 You and Hailey look amazing, btw, I love the combat boots 🙂 <3

  57. I love Hailey’s boots!!!! Such cool style. You are both beautiful.

  58. I don’t know about anyone else, but I just discovered that “squirrel swag” is a moderately tough tongue-twister for me.

  59. Hi. You can use a condom to remove a security tag. Break the center so that you have a slippery rubber band. Wrap the rubber band around the back of the tag then twist and wrap repeatedly like for a ponytail until it pops off.

  60. I completely sympathize with your dye tag story … I bought a new suit for a job interview & realized in the morning the dye tag was under my armpit … unfortunately, I couldn’t go back to the store before my interview, so instead I went in & pointed it out at the beginning as an ice breaker as to how my morning had started & also so they didn’t think I had stolen the suit.

  61. did I miss where you posted where you got this awesome dress from?!?

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