I was going with Hermoine Grrrrranger but I couldn’t find the wig.

Victor:  What the shit, Jenny?

me:  Huh?

Victor:  What is even happening here?

me:  It’s Beary Potter.  Obviously.

“YOU’RE A WIZARD, BEARY.”

Victor:  *sigh*  And why – and I already regret asking this – why is he holding your great aunt’s raggedy-ass coat collar?

me:  That’s his patronus.  Foxy Brown.  And he resents being called “raggedy.”

Victor:  This is exactly why the aliens won’t talk to us.

80 thoughts on “I was going with Hermoine Grrrrranger but I couldn’t find the wig.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. You have such a full life! Lol Victor is so sweet! I would love your house except for the freaky dolls that is.

  2. HA-HA-HA! I thought I was past the point where you could surprise me, but no, here you go again! Patronus. Hee!

  3. “This is exactly why the aliens won’t talk to us” That has to be the best response I’ve heard in a long time. I think it’s going to be my new instead-of-sighing response. Fabulous. Also, if I were an alien, I would totally want to talk to you and Bearmione Granger.

  4. I enjoy reading about other marriages that are based on love and a warped sense of humor. That way I know I’m not alone.

  5. Omg I’m crying because Victor is killing me. Maybe it’s victors non funnyness that is keeping the aliens from talking to us. Ps in case you didn’t already know you’re awesome 👏🏻 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

  6. This year has sucked so bad (lost my job in April, and this past Sunday my 39yo best friend died of a freak pulmonary embolism after a bit so complicated surgery), and then I see this and I think I’ll stick around a bit longer. (•́ ‿ ,•̀) I still want a do over for this year though.

  7. This is the beary best thing on the internet. (yep, I’m THAT kind of dork)

    Victor is a lovely man but sometimes I wonder if he’s even met you sometimes…

  8. I feel like you need a weasel now named Ron Weaselly. And you could get some other angry animal to be Hermione Grrrrrrrranger! Maybe something small so you could make the wig out of a doll’s hair?

  9. To theoriginalwordherder, so sorry that you have had a hard time. Condolences on the loss of your best friend. Please DO stick around, because our tribe needs you (The Bloggessarians) AND I can pretty much guarantee that there will be a lot more funny from Jenny!

  10. I’d like to hear more about your great aunt.
    Also, other name options:
    Holding an umbrella – Beary/Hairy Poppins.
    Wearing ruffled collar and anything plaid – Beary/Hairy Queen of Scots.
    In a leotard – Mikhail Bearyshnikhov.
    Holding a trumpet – Beary/Hairy Connick Jr.
    Holding a guitar – Beary Garcia
    … and of course, holding a football, Bear Bryant.

  11. This is hysterically perfect, but it’s not helping my resolve to not get sucked in to playing Wizards Unite…Sybill Trelawney warned me about this.
    p.s. Beary’s patronus is awesome!

  12. Mister Potter needs a cell phone in his left hand, the pose really looks like he’s trying to take a selfie with his patronus! And now we know how you and Victor are SO perfect for each other. A “normal” man would have referenced the NEIGHBORS, not ALIENS. For that, 50 points to Gryffindor. 😀

  13. OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHMYGAWD….. I love these….they make me laugh so hard… thank you for bringing joy to my day. “Beary Potter. Obviously.” snort

  14. I went to an art show on Tuesday and saw a Bat Mobile, a mobile made from an umbrella frame from which tiny dead bats were hanging. When I told my husband about it, he said I should have taken a photo for you. You would love it!

  15. Victor’s life would be totally boring without you.
    You are so great at naming things. When you have time, there’s a loud, screechy Magpie that has entered into some kind of dysfunctional relationship with my cat and it really needs a name so I can stop calling it ‘That Fucking Bird’. Any help would be appreciated. 🙂

  16. And there you have it. Jenny Lawson, saving the world from aliens with the help of her trusty sidekick D.C. Marvel, a.k.a Grizzly Clawson, master/mistress of disguise.

  17. Nice to see the little red Japanese tinkly doll. Do the cats try to push it over like those bobo dolls they used in psychology experiments?

  18. I am not always great at dressing myself, how do you have time to sresss a stuffed bear?

  19. Bossy wordpress would not link my last post. Need to figure that out. Right after I plan my non-bear wardrobe for tomorrow.

  20. If the aliens don’t talk to us,oh well! Beary Potter is Pawsome and Victor bought him for you! Lol Thank you for sharing Beary Potter

  21. Not bear related but thank you for being so open about your problems and TMS. I was so depressed I was ready to talk to the p-doc about it, and scared to death but your blog posts really helped, when my 4 years of horrid depression lifted.

  22. This made my day. I honestly have tears rolling down my face from laughing so hard. Absolute love!

  23. I laughed so hard at this…maybe ONE day Victor could do a post as a guest for you – I feel like he’s got some excellent lines (and perhaps I’ll be using the alien one myself soon). Thank you so much for a great laugh!!!

  24. @19theoriginalwordherder I’m so sorry. What a dreadful thing and when you’re already dealing with a major life issue.Take care of yourself. I hope Jenny and the Church of Bloggessarianism can help bring a smile to your face. Offering you all the hugs and love that will fit through the internet. We need you.

  25. @19theoriginalwordherder we ALL feel your pain. just as u feel ours at times. depression lies – we don’t. we need our tribe to remain whole & that includes you! i am holding u in my heart until you r ready to face the world again. 💞

  26. Really, I feel like this is exactly why the aliens do want to talk to us. But our democratically elected leaders give them pause. Like ‘Dude, these humans are awesome. How did they elect that guy to be their representative?’ Le sigh.

  27. ‘Raggedy Ass’, not simple ‘Raggedy’ is the term he used. But ‘Raggedy Ass’ is the ol’ whore with a wide selection of STDs, and she’s related to Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy. Okay, she’s their daughter, and they are brother and sister, so this is about to go all ‘Deliverance’ right soon. Uh oh, I think I hear a banjo… RUN!!!

  28. If you turn him around and give the butt flap Onesy pajamas (with flap open of course) he could be Neville Bearbottom.

    The fox shawl could be from grandmothers robes

  29. She could be MineGRRRRva McGonagall. I love that Victor knew that the collar belonged to your great aunt- he definitely pays attention to details even if he is blaming you for lack of alien contact!

  30. Since Victor bought the bear….HE is why the aliens don’t talk to you. Love the new Bear Look!

  31. Regarding the wig….the fox is the correct color, just drape that over the bear’s head!

  32. “Victor: This is exactly why the aliens won’t talk to us.” I am stealing this line for conversations with my wife.

  33. Haaaaagrrrrid!A parontonus is conjured from happy memories to chase away bogarts and especially Dementors. You don’t want to run into either Dementors are worse!MEP stitchdori1@aol.com

  34. I am already in favor of Beary Potter, although you need to find some round glasses. I have an Anaconda (snake) named Anaconda Skywalker. Your whimsy has apparently rubbed off on me!
    Alas, I can’t dress him up because he’s a live snake.

  35. I totally thought you were going for a Ron Weasley thing here. Perhaps add a red wig to a weasel friend?

  36. It’s June! This is the time to dress them wigs and rainbow flags! Happy pride!

  37. My husband says you should wrap him up in Ace bandages so he can be Clawed Raines.

    So……

    You’re welcome?

  38. You are the weirdest and most bizarre human and I mean this with so much positivity!! I read your book, Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, and almost died of hyperventilating from laughter. My husband was annoyed that I was laughing at a book, he was just jealous. Anyway, thank you for being you.

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