I was going with Hermoine Grrrrranger but I couldn’t find the wig.

Victor:  What the shit, Jenny?

me:  Huh?

Victor:  What is even happening here?

me:  It’s Beary Potter.  Obviously.

“YOU’RE A WIZARD, BEARY.”

Victor:  *sigh*  And why – and I already regret asking this – why is he holding your great aunt’s raggedy-ass coat collar?

me:  That’s his patronus.  Foxy Brown.  And he resents being called “raggedy.”

Victor:  This is exactly why the aliens won’t talk to us.

80 replies. read them below or add one

  1. 1
    ocularnervosa

    “Step into my office, and don’t mind the bear”

  2. This post gave me life!

  3. I have that same scarf. Sadly, I don’t have anything nearly as interesting to do with it.

    Kelly and Geoff recently posted Today in History – the Battle of Little Bighorn.

  4. Yeah Victor, put that all on Jenny and Beary.
    Aliens know who would understand them….

  5. You have such a full life! Lol Victor is so sweet! I would love your house except for the freaky dolls that is.

  6. Just remind him that he’s the person that brought the best to you. He should have known. Obviously.

  7. LMAO I’m dying

  8. 8
    lmerryman260

    HA-HA-HA! I thought I was past the point where you could surprise me, but no, here you go again! Patronus. Hee!

  9. I rarely disagree with Victor, but I think this IS why aliens will communicate with us 😂

    Gary recently posted Kale and silverbeet layer cake.

  10. He’s perfect. Victor knows nothing. Like Jon Snow.

    Chrissy Woj recently posted The existential crisis of a toy.

  11. … when a spell goes terribly wrong.

  12. 12
    Shannon M Conley

    “This is exactly why the aliens won’t talk to us” That has to be the best response I’ve heard in a long time. I think it’s going to be my new instead-of-sighing response. Fabulous. Also, if I were an alien, I would totally want to talk to you and Bearmione Granger.

  13. I enjoy reading about other marriages that are based on love and a warped sense of humor. That way I know I’m not alone.

  14. You should call him Beary Manilow

  15. Based solely on this one photo, I can tell this is going to be my favorite movie of the franchise.

    romcomdojo recently posted Shuuuuut Uuuuuuup.

  16. Omg I’m crying because Victor is killing me. Maybe it’s victors non funnyness that is keeping the aliens from talking to us. Ps in case you didn’t already know you’re awesome 👏🏻 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

  17. That is wonderful! And, tbh, Victor is an amazing foil for you!

  18. Obviously, Victor.

  19. 19
    theoriginalwordherder

    This year has sucked so bad (lost my job in April, and this past Sunday my 39yo best friend died of a freak pulmonary embolism after a bit so complicated surgery), and then I see this and I think I’ll stick around a bit longer. (•́ ‿ ,•̀) I still want a do over for this year though.

  20. 20
    theoriginalwordherder

    *not so complicated surgery

    Stupid fingers

  21. This is the beary best thing on the internet. (yep, I’m THAT kind of dork)

    Victor is a lovely man but sometimes I wonder if he’s even met you sometimes…

  22. I feel like you need a weasel now named Ron Weaselly. And you could get some other angry animal to be Hermione Grrrrrrrranger! Maybe something small so you could make the wig out of a doll’s hair?

    Ashleigh recently posted On Boredom.

  23. 23
    Heather from Canada

    To theoriginalwordherder, so sorry that you have had a hard time. Condolences on the loss of your best friend. Please DO stick around, because our tribe needs you (The Bloggessarians) AND I can pretty much guarantee that there will be a lot more funny from Jenny!

  24. I’d like to hear more about your great aunt.
    Also, other name options:
    Holding an umbrella – Beary/Hairy Poppins.
    Wearing ruffled collar and anything plaid – Beary/Hairy Queen of Scots.
    In a leotard – Mikhail Bearyshnikhov.
    Holding a trumpet – Beary/Hairy Connick Jr.
    Holding a guitar – Beary Garcia
    … and of course, holding a football, Bear Bryant.

  25. This is hysterically perfect, but it’s not helping my resolve to not get sucked in to playing Wizards Unite…Sybill Trelawney warned me about this.
    p.s. Beary’s patronus is awesome!

  26. 26
    mrldctygrl

    Mister Potter needs a cell phone in his left hand, the pose really looks like he’s trying to take a selfie with his patronus! And now we know how you and Victor are SO perfect for each other. A “normal” man would have referenced the NEIGHBORS, not ALIENS. For that, 50 points to Gryffindor. 😀

  27. OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHMYGAWD….. I love these….they make me laugh so hard… thank you for bringing joy to my day. “Beary Potter. Obviously.” snort

  28. 28
    marykoladascott

    I went to an art show on Tuesday and saw a Bat Mobile, a mobile made from an umbrella frame from which tiny dead bats were hanging. When I told my husband about it, he said I should have taken a photo for you. You would love it!

  29. Now for an owl….

  30. sitting in the dentists office – giggling out loud. thank you.

  31. Victor’s life would be totally boring without you.
    You are so great at naming things. When you have time, there’s a loud, screechy Magpie that has entered into some kind of dysfunctional relationship with my cat and it really needs a name so I can stop calling it ‘That Fucking Bird’. Any help would be appreciated. 🙂

    Mrs. Completely recently posted Where’s A Coyote When You Really Need One?.

  32. And there you have it. Jenny Lawson, saving the world from aliens with the help of her trusty sidekick D.C. Marvel, a.k.a Grizzly Clawson, master/mistress of disguise.

  33. I love it. 😀 It’s PERFECT!

    mommatrek recently posted Here I go again for the 84,000th time.

  34. Who wouldn’t rather dress up a bear than play with a puny Barbie doll?

  35. Exactly Victor. And you’re welcome.

  36. Yes, it IS victor who brought you that beauteous bear. Great outfit 🙂

  37. Nice to see the little red Japanese tinkly doll. Do the cats try to push it over like those bobo dolls they used in psychology experiments?

  38. I covet a life-sized bear I can dress up. I DO have a life-sized cut out of Severus Snape, and I must be content with that.

  39. 39
    Ernie @ nosmallfeetblog.com

    I am not always great at dressing myself, how do you have time to sresss a stuffed bear?

  40. Bossy wordpress would not link my last post. Need to figure that out. Right after I plan my non-bear wardrobe for tomorrow.

    Ernie recently posted free buttons in a sea of strangers, who are sometimes strange.

  41. I think you missed an opportunity by not calling him Beary Pawter.

  42. I did not even know what a patronus was, and I’m still not certain, but I’m glad Beary’s got one.

    Sherry Cassells recently posted #19 / This is not a new feeling, but it’s rare, especially without tequila.

  43. If the aliens don’t talk to us,oh well! Beary Potter is Pawsome and Victor bought him for you! Lol Thank you for sharing Beary Potter

  44. 44
    Elizabeth M Goodbody

    Not bear related but thank you for being so open about your problems and TMS. I was so depressed I was ready to talk to the p-doc about it, and scared to death but your blog posts really helped, when my 4 years of horrid depression lifted.

  45. This made my day. I honestly have tears rolling down my face from laughing so hard. Absolute love!

  46. I laughed so hard at this…maybe ONE day Victor could do a post as a guest for you – I feel like he’s got some excellent lines (and perhaps I’ll be using the alien one myself soon). Thank you so much for a great laugh!!!

  47. How do you dust with all your knick knacks??? I

  48. You and Victor crack me up!

  49. Ahhhhh down the sweet, sweet, rabbit hole of dressing taxidermy with other taxidermy. https://possumscatsthingsgnawingatme.wordpress.com/2014/09/21/i-am-told-that-pimpin-aint-easy/

  50. @19theoriginalwordherder I’m so sorry. What a dreadful thing and when you’re already dealing with a major life issue.Take care of yourself. I hope Jenny and the Church of Bloggessarianism can help bring a smile to your face. Offering you all the hugs and love that will fit through the internet. We need you.

  51. @19theoriginalwordherder we ALL feel your pain. just as u feel ours at times. depression lies – we don’t. we need our tribe to remain whole & that includes you! i am holding u in my heart until you r ready to face the world again. 💞

  52. Really, I feel like this is exactly why the aliens do want to talk to us. But our democratically elected leaders give them pause. Like ‘Dude, these humans are awesome. How did they elect that guy to be their representative?’ Le sigh.

  53. ‘Raggedy Ass’, not simple ‘Raggedy’ is the term he used. But ‘Raggedy Ass’ is the ol’ whore with a wide selection of STDs, and she’s related to Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy. Okay, she’s their daughter, and they are brother and sister, so this is about to go all ‘Deliverance’ right soon. Uh oh, I think I hear a banjo… RUN!!!

  54. If you turn him around and give the butt flap Onesy pajamas (with flap open of course) he could be Neville Bearbottom.

    The fox shawl could be from grandmothers robes

  55. Slytherin scarf he could be Grrrrregory Goyle.

  56. I’m here for when you put a bear in a leotard. Geez, Victor.

  57. She could be MineGRRRRva McGonagall. I love that Victor knew that the collar belonged to your great aunt- he definitely pays attention to details even if he is blaming you for lack of alien contact!

    knockingonfortysdoor recently posted Bag of Hair Blues….

  58. Seriously, I want Victor to write a book about life from his perspective.

  59. I love you!

  60. Since Victor bought the bear….HE is why the aliens don’t talk to you. Love the new Bear Look!

  61. Regarding the wig….the fox is the correct color, just drape that over the bear’s head!

  62. this is why I follow you. my geeky heart just melts with love 💘

  63. Thank you so much for the laugh today. I love Beary Potter and his patronus!!!

  64. Waves wand “Accio Jenny’s humor and talent!”

    Arionis recently posted 642 Things To Write About – 5/642.

  65. I think any alien of good taste would be more than delighted to talk to you.

  66. 66
    ALAN C BURNSTINE

    “Victor: This is exactly why the aliens won’t talk to us.” I am stealing this line for conversations with my wife.

  67. Thank you for the laugh Jenny! I so needed it today.

  68. Haaaaagrrrrid!A parontonus is conjured from happy memories to chase away bogarts and especially Dementors. You don’t want to run into either Dementors are worse!MEP stitchdori1@aol.com

  69. A parontonus is conjured from happy memories to chase away bogarts and especially Dementors. You don’t want to run into either Dementors are worse!MEP stitchdori1@aol.com

  70. I am already in favor of Beary Potter, although you need to find some round glasses. I have an Anaconda (snake) named Anaconda Skywalker. Your whimsy has apparently rubbed off on me!
    Alas, I can’t dress him up because he’s a live snake.

  71. I totally thought you were going for a Ron Weasley thing here. Perhaps add a red wig to a weasel friend?

  72. You. Are. Too. Fucking. Funny.

  73. It’s June! This is the time to dress them wigs and rainbow flags! Happy pride!

  74. My husband says you should wrap him up in Ace bandages so he can be Clawed Raines.

    So……

    You’re welcome?

  75. 75
    Amber Biliouris

    I disagree. I think Aliens would want to ask why you do this lol

  76. 76
    Jenni Aryee

    You are the weirdest and most bizarre human and I mean this with so much positivity!! I read your book, Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, and almost died of hyperventilating from laughter. My husband was annoyed that I was laughing at a book, he was just jealous. Anyway, thank you for being you.

  77. Huh. And here I thought he was holding his best friend, Ron Weasel-y.

  78. The Secret Life of Bees
    The Help
    Hour of the Bees
    Just A Drop of Hope

  79. Only somewhat related to this post, and I’d honestly be surprised if you weren’t already aware that this place exists…. but just in case (and because it just came through my fb feed): https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/mice-manor

  80. And now, Beary, let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure!

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