I was going to call her JenniFUR Jason Leigh but it just didn’t sing.

in Random Crap

Last week Victor went out of town and brought me back home an old taxidermied bobcat who had apparently had a hard life and was missing some parts and desperately needed some TLC.

BEST. SOUVENIR. EVER.

Not everyone shared my enthusiasm.

HAILEY GIVE YOUR SISTER A PIGGY-BACK RIDE.

After a quick repaint and some minor repairs I was able to scrounge up some old baby clothes and

…viola!

SO GODDAM HAPPY TO SEE YOU

Hailey:  What is even happening here?

me:  Magic, Hailey.  Magic is happening.  And I found the perfect name for her.  Because she’s adorable and old-fashioned but she’s also feisty as hell and somewhat unpredictable.

Hailey:  Katy Purry?

me:  Oh, that’s a good one.  You are my daughter.  But no.  This is Judy Snarland.

Hailey:  Are you sure I’m not adopted?

me:  Not a chance.  Now she’s just missing something to hold in her hands.

Hailey:  She looks okay like that.  Like she’s sneaking up on you to scare you.

me:  Well that’s fitting because I’ve gotten my dress snagged on her claws twice and accidentally found myself being chased by a dead bobcat.

Hailey:  Maybe she should be eating something?

me:  What, like a corn on the cob?  Hailey, you are ridiculous.

Hailey:  I’M RIDICULOUS?

me:  I’m thinking like a tiny accordion so she can play the polka.   OH!  OR MARIONETTES MADE OF TAXIDERMIED MICE AND I COULD MAKE AN ENTIRE PUPPET THEATER.

Hailey:  Mice dangling from strings.  Pretty sure Ferris Mewler would destroy that in a heartbeat.

me:  Very true.  Tiny accordion it is then.

PS.  I tried to make a tiny accordion but it looked terrible so instead I improvised.

Nailed it.

 

200 thoughts on “I was going to call her JenniFUR Jason Leigh but it just didn’t sing.”

Read comments below or add one.

  5. I love that Victor has just given up and is now encouraging this by bringing these things to you rather than begrudgingly accepting that you bring them home.

  9. If you move some of your collection to Nowhere Books your fans will be able to see you genius in person and you will have more room in your house for new friends.

  12. Please do not include me in your will. I don’t want to be responsible for cleaning out your house of (lovely) …things.

  13. Hailey wins the name game. Katy would totally rock that outfit on stage; Judy would never wear it.

  16. I love her! She makes me think of one of those super-sweet-over-enthusiastic southern hostesses who is giving a fancy party and greets you at the door with “Oh darlin’! How niiiice to see you!”

  17. “Now she’s just missing something to hold in her hands.”

    Pom poms. She needs a cheerleader uniform and pom-poms.

  21. OMG, I laughed and smiled and smiled! You are fantastic and thanks to Victor for being a good souvenir hunter!!

  24. It’s art. It’s fashion. It’s nature. I think it’s got it all. And also that you should call tour next book “Not Everyone Shared My Enthusiasm…”. 😂😂😂

  29. This is the very thing I needed but didn’t know I needed today. Thank you for being so hilariously bizarre!

  30. I skipped a few postings lately because I’ve been busy and overwhelmed. This post makes me regret it! Now I’m wondering what treasures I missed. You crack me up. You are a creative genius!

  35. You are truly awesome! Do you have build a bear near you? Maybe you could find her something to hold there? Or another pawsome outfit?

  36. Judy is delightful. Victor certainly knows what you like. Or possibly, he’s resigned himself to it. 😁

  40. Snortle! I’m sure a fan out in the world will locate a tiny accordion and send it to you – be on the lookout. . .

  42. Two things…
    1. May I please have permission to use that last photo as my Facebook profile pic?
    2. I want to go as Judy Snarland for Halloween this year.

    Okay, THREE things…
    3. THANK YOU FOR A VERY, VERY MUCH NEEDED LAUGH!!!

  43. This is great. Apropos of nothing, when I see pics of Hailey I think she looks like you. But her picture with Judy is pure Victor, with the expression I imagine he’s wearing during the exchanges in Let’s Pretend.

  46. I was trying to think of something Downton Abbey themed, and I’m so mad I forgot to add to
    The twitter thread- I was going to suggest Joan Craw-purred. I love Judy Snarland!

  47. Have you considered having Hailey send anonymous accounts of your taxidermy adventures to advice columns to see what kind of response she gets?

  48. Holy shit. You have just incarnated my spirit animal. Down to the smallest detail. Please make merchandise right away. I need to buy it all……

  59. Thank You for being a ray of sunshine on my cloudy days. Laughter really is the best medicine

  60. Aww she looks so happy! I’m sure if she were still alive she would snarl and purr a deep “thank you.” 😂 accordion is a fantastic idea, but in a fever dream kind of way I can also imagine her in Ron Burgundy’s family band playing crash cymbals… perhaps I’ve had too much coffee today…yes?

  61. I laughed out loud.
    “What, like corn or the cob? Hailey, you’re ridiculous.”
    “I’m ridiculous?!”
    Judy Snarland.
    Corn on the cob.
    I just keep re-reading it in my mind and laughing out loud.
    My daughter and her friends are over and are peeking at me like I’m nuts, and while they are not wrong, this happens not to be an example of it.
    Thanks for this lovely post!

  67. I laughed so hard I choked! I just don’t understand why Hailey wouldn’t take Judy for a piggyback ride 😂. Yesterday I saw a picture of a squirrel in a cowboy hat riding on the head of a cobra. Yours by any chance?

  69. I really like the idea of mice on strings. The accordion is okay, but mice on strings would look better. Perhaps holding onto the cables of computer mice as a compromise????

  70. Thank you for making me laugh today. Seriously, laugh out loud, which I’m not all that prone to do. Brilliantly done.

  72. At first I thought Victor was just a saint. I am encouraged to see he is now a participant in shenanigans. Hailey’s reactions are also priceless. I wish your family lived next to me.

  74. I am fairly well pleased to see that the dead bobcat is NOT the creepiest thing in the room – as evidenced by the dead-eyed dolls in the background.

    I wish my husband would bring me taxidermied animals when he goes on business trips. Or even hotel soaps. I am not hard to please.

  75. Inloopove her and will be calling her Katy Puurry no matter what you think you’re calling her.

  76. Do you have a special room where you can put all these weird (but precious, really) things so that if someone comes to the house that you don’t know or like or both, you can make him or her wait in that room? I don’t think even ADT is that scary.

  78. Judy Snarland and Her Accordion Dolls is my new all-time favorite, even eclipsing the Sainted James Garfield, which I didn’t think was possible. I am so glad you’ve found your way home at last, Judy! Hey, that’s probably how her foot was damaged — all that heel-clicking takes a toll!

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  85. No, sorry, great outfit, but the nails and outfit do not go. My daughters would either paint the nails peach, or throw on a bra with purple straps under the top. Nails must match something on the outfit. I have learned.

  90. For Christmas you should have her trying to untangle Christmas lights. The facial expression is purrrrfect! (see what I did there?)

  93. Not to add fuel to the fire, but you can purchase toy accordions (read child sized) on Amazon.com. If you want to go vintage there is also a selection available on eBay; more authentic & classic but, alas, more so is the price. Just putting it out there so you can make an informed decision. 😉

  97. Why does it look like she has just created an army of possessed paper dolls to do her bidding?? (She is gorgeous though, and her name is perfect!!)

  98. I like that instead of VOILA! It says viola! Like, Davis? I’m gonna start using that. No more voila! reveales for me…just viola!

  99. IS THAT PURPLE NAILPOLISH?! squeeee That’s adorable! …. Although it just made me call a lunging bobcat ‘adorable’, so I’ll add ‘possibly dangerous’. And now I’m looking at that (adorable) pink frilly outfit and remembering your swan experience and thinking how the outfit will deceive people into thinking bobcats are cuddly and innocent and omg Jenny all the live bobcats are now going to dress up to trick people and it’ll be all your fault!

    …. I may be thinking about this too much, lol

  101. Victor is the best husband. And you are the best bobcat dresser. And bless Hailey for joining in the fun.

  104. You should have workshops at the bookshop where people can bring in their own sad taxidermied creatures and help each other decorate them and bring them back to life (not literally, although that’d be really fucking cool).

  107. Thanks a lot. Laughing out loud at my desk and everyone thinks I’m nuts already. You are awesome, I wish I lived nearby, we would be great friends and my half mannequin Darcy, who I’ve had since 6th grade would love to be friends with Judy.

  116. I love that Hailey is stepping into her father’s shoes in these insane conversations!

  120. I didn’t even know this was what I needed today, but it was EXACTLY what I needed! 🙂

  121. Jeez, not been having the best day. I almost fucking died seeing her in that dress. YOUR bobcat almost killed me. I wonder if flow the progressive lady has insurance for your dead bobcat killing me, almost.

  126. I was thinking she looks like a girl at her first dance. She just needs an awkward dance partner to put her paws on their shoulders. Ooh it should be a small kangaroo! Mickey Rooney!

  132. I had assumed that Victor had to have been out of town, but out of town and delivering the goods, is fantastic

  135. Somebody already commented, but she looks like she needs ruby slippers and maybe a small taxidermied dog named Toto. Or she could sing covers for the band Toto or Kansas.

  136. A friend at work told me about a garage sale this weekend which features just about anything stuffed and mounted you can imagine. My first thought…Jenny (because although we’ve only met once, we’re totally on a first name basis and practically best friends here) would be all up in that sale.

  137. You make my day complete Jenny. I laughed so hard I snorted and my boss asked me who goosed me! Lol!

  138. You never fail to bring sunshine to my day & laughter to my heart! Thank you for being my beacon in the darkness. And why don’t they have cool taxidermied, cheap stuff on Long Island?!?!?

  141. You and Hailey are both so full of awesome I cannot even stand it! ❤️❤️❤️

  142. What I really want to know is exactly HOW Victor got her home? Carry on? Did he buy her a seat?

  144. Jenny,
    For days I’ve been wondering why you changed your Twitter profile. If your latest “project” isn’t the very definition of Creative Loose Cannon, I don’t know what is! You are definitely a Strange Angel to all of us, but it’s your Creative Loose Cannonness (new word of the day) that makes the rest of feel so damned normal.
    I love you!
    Susan

  146. The top hat reminded me of Slash from guns&roses. And with those nails . . . the name would be fitting. But I love the new look too!

  147. This made me laugh out loud! She looks like one of my students trying to show me the great thing she made for me INSTEAD of finishing up her math. Pure pride and enthusiasm. Ummm…I think they also have similar outfits, too!

  148. This made me laugh out loud! She looks like one of my students trying to show me the great thing she made for me INSTEAD of finishing up her math. Pure pride and enthusiasm. Ummm…I think they also have similar outfits!

  149. If she’s Judy Snarland, maybe she should be holding a rainbow or some ruby slippers? Or holding a flying monkey in her jaws. Or a broomstick – jaws or claws holding that one. Or a pointy hat – you get the idea.

  155. I can’t tell if that’s nail polish or not, though I love the color. A good alternative that would also help the snagging issue could be claw covers (like SoftPaws). Plus they come in a variety of colors to match her outfits.

  156. Judy Snarland look SO PLEASED at her delicate paper creation. You bought her custom bobcat scissors?

  157. OMG…now she’s like a kid aggressively showing you her craft project that you will never be allowed to throw away!!!

  160. OMG! I love her! Judy Snarland is perfect in her Madonna-esque get up, and you should definitely paint her nails, maybe a little hot pink with ferocious hot pink lipstick? And paper mice accordion, because your original idea was marvelous. I hope your unstuffed live-action feline companions don’t get jealous….. I’m pretty sure Judy annoys them to no end, being so glam and with bigger claws and teeth.
    Have you ever been to the The House On The Rock in Wisconsin? It’s definitely hard on the anxiety, but it’s right up the weirdness is the best form of medicine alley. Your sense of fun would appreciate how hard Alex Jordan tried to quiet the demons of depression with his menagerie of fun. I absolutely recommend it next time you are in the Midwest.

  161. If it’s Judy Snarland then I vote she wears a black leotard and stockings, a top hat and a cigarette. Unless she’s doing Meet Me in St. Louis, in which case she’s pretty good as is.

  162. This gave me such a smile today, thank you! Judy Snarland looks absolutely beautiful. I’m a long time fan, but commenting for the first time. I’m so happy for what you’ve done, and a little jealous. I often find myself thinking of you when my anxiety and health are too much for me to take for even another minute, wishing I could be at home somehow resting. Maybe someday. It isn’t something I could do and have the support to do it. Thanks for all your writing and humor. It helps me in my dark times.

  163. I hope you appreciate your kind, ROMANTIC husband for the loving gifts he brings you. He’s your Lancelot!

  165. In that outfit Judy looks like she’s in need of a dance partner. It’s waltzing time!

  168. I’m not sure which is my favorite detail. At first it was the ribbon on her tutu, but in the last pic… Yeah, it’s the painted claws. Nicely done!

  169. When I first saw her, I thought Cindy Clawfur (Lauper) because of the outfit. But I see Judy Snarland too!

  173. Judy looks somewhat crosseyed with huge pupils besides. That’s understandable if she just came back from the optometrist, who puts fluorescein dye in your eyes to get the same eyeball coloring for laughs or something.

  177. Also, you could go darker….a grenade in one hand (pink of course)….the pin in the other. Surprise!

  178. Just one request…if those are baby clothes….can we see a side by side photo….one of Hailey in the same outfit?

  182. You are so, so lucky to have Victor and Hailey. I wish I had people dear to me like you do. I have friends and they are fantastic!, but to have a wonderful husband and delightful daughter who love you for who you are and support you through mental challenges (I have severe depression too) is such a gift.

  183. Jenny, you are wonderful and so creative! I love the new addition to the menagerie. I laughed until tears ran down my face. Also, kudos to Hailey for playing along! Thank you.

  186. I like the corn on the cob idea. Also, I’m never ever coming to your house. Never. Based off this bobcat alone, I’m pretty sure I’d have nightmares forever. Don’t worry, I still love you.

  188. I know I’m a few days late to the party. But this made me LOL. Lately I haven’t done that a lot. So thank you. You are the coolest.

  189. I feel for the soul of the bobcat. Sitting in bobcat heaven, looking down upon their former body and thinking O..M..Gosh!

  191. I looked at the first couple of pictures and thought it was fantastic BUT her claws needed some polish. Was quite happy to see in the last picture that you thought the same at some point and made it happen. Perfection!

  192. You are so funny! My hubby only has to put up with 10 live animals of different species. (dogs, bunnies, guinea pig, bearded dragon, tortoise, gecko). I can’t even imagine what would happen if I started with the taxidermied variety. I’ve never seen any at the Goodwill. Maybe the Salvation Army?

  195. I adore you and all your furfriends. From the moment I saw your taxidermied mouse I wanted my own. We just moved into an new apartment and, lo and behold, there was one waiting for me. I wish I could share a picture of my somewhat bedraggled but totally lovely owl, with his slightly askew head as though he’s questioning who I am. Owliver Twist, who is perched on my desk, often makes me think of my fellow eccentric.

  196. Omg I just wet my pants laughing at the paperdolls- you’re so right NAILED IT!!

  197. Oh my goodness I love it, I so need one of these in my life/house. You and your taxi animals, and your life stories just make me laugh, like from deep inside (it makes my kids and husband look at me sideways with raised eyebrows, which is even better) and then I realise I’m not the only one. Thank you

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