Right now I’m in Venice. And it’s beautiful and I’m with my family and we just celebrated Hailey’s 15th birthday. I am incredibly lucky. Unfortunately I have been fighting off a touch of depression all week and it’s gaining on me.
It feels so wrong, to be sad or numb and exhausted when everything is going exactly right, but in a small way it’s comforting…the knowledge that my mental illness is illness rather than laziness or sadness. The acceptance that I can’t fight this off any more than I could fight off the flu.
Im lucky to have my family…that they try to understand. That when I cancel on tours because I’m too tired even though I haven’t done anything but sleep they are kind about it.
And I’m lucky that there are bright spots when the darkness passes. I take photos when I’m happy so I that I can remember. I take photos when I’m sad so that I can experience what I’m missing right now, in the moments when I know I can’t appreciate everything I should.
Today we take a train to Florence to visit an old friend and to remember a friend we’ve lost. And I’ll try to shake myself out of my own head. But if I can’t I’ll wait it out and remind myself that this will pass and that I am not my depression and that the moments when the sun comes out again are coming. They’re coming for you too.
I’ll promise you if you promise me.