I shouldn’t be allowed to text.

A few minutes ago a reminder popped up on my phone from my family calendar to remind me that it’s my dad’s birthday and then a text message popped up from Hailey (because she gets the same notifications) and she was like, “IT’S DADDY’S BIRTHDAY!” and I was like, “No, it’s *my* daddy’s birthday.  Your daddy’s birthday was last month” and then she was like, “Um.  What.  I’m pretty sure we have the same father?” and turns out it was my sister texting me and now for my father’s birthday he gets to reassure my sister that she’s not adopted.



74 thoughts on “I shouldn’t be allowed to text.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. We have spent 40 years telling a younger cousin that he’s adopted and wishing him “Happy Adoption Day” rather than “Happy Birthday”. It’s gone on so long that I half believe it even though I remember when his Mom was pregnant. Family!

  2. Lol, my dad called me twice the other day, but knowing him they were butt dials. I still haven’t called him back. I’m an awful daughter.

  3. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂



  4. This made my night. I have bronchitis and just laughed so hard I was gasping and coughing. Worth it. I hope YOUR father has a happy birthday. Maybe a 23andMe kit for your sisters birthday? Might be nice since she just found out you don’t share a father 🤣

  5. I received my shirt today and I’m so excited! Also, you sent me a book plate which I immediately placed in my “Furiously Happy.” Thank you SO much!

  6. I had to read this twice because it’s so awesome! I’m also a mostly only child (I have brothers but we didn’t grow up together) and I wish I were this close to them.

  7. My sister told me for years that I was adopted, only blonde in the family! Our dad had blonde hair when he was young, so no I was not adopted. Big sisters like to stir up shit.

  8. In our family photo album we have photos of a family trip to the Oklahoma City zoo. I was the youngest at that point and my mom was eight months pregnant and it showed!

    The next section in the family photo album are my baby brother’s photos, when he was first brought home after my mom gave birth.

    For YEARS my older brother and I had my baby brother convinced that he was part monkey and that we adopted him from the zoo, using the photo album as proof. This, of course, was before any of the three of us actually understood how childbirth happened, so my baby brother just thought every mom got “fat” before adopting a baby animal from the zoo.

  9. Why is your sister pretending to be your daughter? It’s her fault! Happy birthday to Papa. Maybe it should be Happy Furrday for him. ❤️

  10. Its my daddy’s birthday today too! I lost him 9 years ago but still mark this day. Happy birthday Jenny’s daddy!

  11. Youngest of five siblings. Only one to inherit Daddy’s blond hair (well, when he had hair. Yeah, I heard, “I can’t help it if you were adopted” a lot. Yours was by accident; my brother’s, not at all.

  12. At least Lisa knows to take your texts only half-seriously. That’s too funny!

    Happy birthday to Jenny’s AND Lisa’s daddy!!! 🙂

  13. Nothing like planting a little doubt. I once got a new phone. Forwarded a text to my friend from a lady I worked for. Made fun of said lady in the text to my friend. Realized moments later that my new phone did forwarding weird and the making-fun-of-crazy lady text was sent straight back to crazy lady instead of my friend. Ouch.

  14. LOL
    One time my mom sent me an unsigned text from an unknown number to tell me she got a new number. I said “who is this” and she replied: “How can you not recognize your OWN MOTHER???”

  15. Older kid to younger kid: You know…you’re adopted
    Younger kid: I AM NOT (runs to parents…) Am I adopted?
    Mom: No. I gave birth to you. I know this because I was there.
    Younger kid back to older kid: Mom says I’m NOT adopted!
    Older kid (calmly): She just said that because she feels sorry for you.

  16. Gotta keep those younger siblings guessing. It’s the privilege of the oldest to torture the younger siblings (guess which one I am :-D).

  17. My dad and his older sister terrorized each other growing up. One of her favorite things to tell him was that he was adopted. He would go crying to my grandmother who would assure him that he was not adopted. My dad would then go back to his sister and say he wasn’t adopted, to which his sister would respond, “Don’t you understand? I’m the only one who loves you enough to tell you the truth.” Just cruel.
    Now, of course, they love each other dearly and she is my favorite aunt. But man, they were pretty vicious to each other!

  18. did your parents start to call you by your sibling’s name, then stop & continue with your name? this is payback…

  19. In my case, my sister, who is five years older than I am, was convinced SHE was adopted. She knew I wasn’t because she saw me in the hospital when I was born. 🙂


    I used to be the one who got teased about being adopted because I look nothing like my bio-dad (Mom’s 1st husband), my sister (who has the same father), my half-brother (who has a different father) or my mom. I used to get people asking me if I was my Hispanic stepfather’s kid from a previous marriage (he was married 3X before Mom with 6 other kids from those marriages, so it was a legit question). It was like playing “What’s wrong with this picture?” because there was Stepdad (tall, darkly olive skin, wavy dark hair), Mom (medium height, long auburn hair, fair skin, blue eyes), Sis (copycat of mom, but more of a strawberry/dirty blonde) and Bro (male copy of my sister, but even more strawberry blonde). And then me…not quite fair like my mom and siblings, but not quite darkly olive like my stepfather but with long dark brown hair that was somewhere between “chocolate” and “mouse turds” in color (still is).

  21. Possessing both the looks of my dad’s side of the family and the personality from my mother’s there is no way I could be convinced I was adopted.

    Happy birthday, Jenny’s Dad!

  22. My sister used to wish she was adopted. But she and I look similar, and like our mother, so she’s out of luck. Happy Birthday to your father (and aparently your sister’s father as well. Maybe).

  23. Jenny I just received my shirt and my book plate. I love them both! If I lived in Texas,I’d be in NOWHERE all the time! Happy Birthday to your Dad! He has an AMAZING daughter! My cat called my friend the other day! I had texted him,went into the kitchen and came back to my phone ringing!

  24. I have a salt and pepper set of girls (one dark, one light) and since they are almost 5 years apart, people always ask if they have the same father (like it’s any of their business, really!)….Nope, both from the same parents. Aren’t gene pools amazing?

  25. Got my shirt today!! Wearing it to the Texas Book Festival to say ha! I’m the captain now!

  26. See…even amongst chaos there is still room for laughter! Thank you! Happy Birthday to your Dad!
    Do you love the smell of cardboard as much as I do? Especially when the outdoor “fort” is left to absorb the dew overnight! Then the structure gets all pliable and squishy so now it’s become a tunnel! Awesome! Loving the childhood flashback, honored to be able to still enjoy. Smiling with you and all involved with Nowhere!!!

  27. After giving notice to my old boss and finding out that he was closing down the business, I texted a good friend to begin to tell her how crazy the place had gotten. It all involved a tutor dating a student, a mini sweater dress that was so tight it outlined her thong, hanging bra straps, and how nobody was willing to clean the toilet. This is what I texted:

    Something here is in fu<l<ing retrograde.

    The only problem was that I accidentally sent this text to my new boss instead. How I still have a new job, I’m not certain.

    I think your sister will understand when you text her to say that something here is in fu<l<ing retrograde.

  28. My Mother is a brunette with hazel eyes and easily tanned (olive-ish) skin, her three kids are blond with easily burned (pale pinky-white skin) with two with blue eyes and one with mostly green/somewhat hazel eyes. My dad was out of the picture early on, so I’m pretty sure everyone assumed she was the babysitter or we were adopted. My father’s sister looked like us kids, so when she was visiting (often,) people figured she was our mom. My Mom often gets confused about who is texting/emailing her because she named me after her sister, and one of my brothers after one of her brothers, and she was named after her aunt, and her other brother was named after her dad, who also had the same name as my stepfather. Confusion only gets better with age and technology….

  29. Fyi
    Love my grey Vneck shirt! I ordered a large for a roomy slouchy, Sunday morning fit… but it fits like a medium, so I would order a size up from your normal size ❤

  30. So wait. You named your daughter Hailey after your sister Hailey?

    (No, I just didn’t read who the text was from when it popped up. ~ Jenny)

  31. If your sister were adopted, the two of you would have the same father. And be truly sisters. That’s the beauty of adoption. ❤️ (P.S. I know what you meant. 🤗)

  32. At least you’re not Faye Dunaway as Mrs. Mulray in Chinatown: “She’s my sister!” SLAP “She’s my daughter!” SLAP “She’s my sister AND my daughter!”

  33. LOL! Too funny.On the plus side, your dad gets to have a meaningful conversation with one of his daughters. That’s a good thing, right?

  34. My mind went to the old milkman/mailman theory and I was momentarily impressed that you knew the identity of your sister’s bio dad AND his birthday. Who knows their childhood mailman well enough that they know his birthday? DANG.

  35. You should text more often. We all should be less confident in who we think our biological parents are… Every family has secrets, why can’t we “be” one.

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