Butthole sunbathing

me:  On Instagram I’ve been seeing these people doing “perineum sunbathing“.  It’s  literally tanning your butthole.  Supposedly 30 seconds of sunlight in your butthole is equivalent to a full day’s worth of sun so allegedly you supercharge yourself.  Through your butthole.  And this seems ridiculous for a lot of reasons but mostly it just seems illogical because the dog is sunning her butthole all damn day and she’s…well actually she is sort of supercharged and has way too much energy, but I’m pretty sure that’s not from a solar super power coming from her butthole.

Victor:  …Huh.

me:  I’m sorry what was your question?

Victor:  How was your day?

me:  Oh right.  It was fine.

119 thoughts on “Butthole sunbathing

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Sawbones Podcast did an episode about this that was genuinely hilarious. It looks like it’s just one person who originated the trend for no reason. Amazing.

  2. I think it’s a way to combine yoga with sunbathing – therefore, something I will never experience.

  3. Sometimes I worry about other people on the Internet. Not you, Jenny. Other people. Like literally anyone who would genuinely think perineum sunbathing is A) an actual thing or 2) a solar battery charger. So very worried.

  4. I’ve heard it said that some people think the sun shines out of their butt. Maybe this is the reason?

  5. Interesting. Practically speaking if one sunbathes their perineum or arse hole (albeit 30 secs or a cpl min is probably nominal) regularly, you’d need to tell your dermatologist and add it to the annual or semi annual skin check list (ppl who have had a lot of sun…its a good idea). It might be a new experience for the dermatologist! Lol. It would mean an annual butthole [area] exam. I think I’ll skip the potential *sshole supercharge opportunity.

  6. I appreciate that Josh Brolin straight up admitted to joining the herd on this trend and burnt his pucker. That is just a world i never want to consider…frankly i put this on the list of trending practical jokes that only a few of us are in on early;) *common sense rules
    XOXOXOXStacy

  7. Between you and my grandchildren, this old lady is able to stay current with the trends. I wonder if sunlight shrinks hemorrhoids?

  8. I just cracked myself up.

    Not able to fall asleep, trying to bore my brain, I had been playing the has/hasn’t game. It’s sort of my version of counting sheep.
    So, has traveled out of the country, hasn’t traveled out of the country. Has choked on their own spit, hasn’t choked on their own spit. Has ever touched a monkey, hasn’t ever touched a monkey…
    Extra points for most outlandish, or most mundane… has brushed their teeth, hasn’t brushed their teeth, ever.
    Anyway, it’s a silly distraction game. And I decided maybe one last pee was in order. Hubz has been getting ready to go to the range tomorrow, and has all his shooting paraphernalia out, making the path to the bathroom kinda narrow. So I’m sitting there on the toilet, peeing, still silently running has/hasn’t in the background.
    Hubz comes in for a glass of water, says, “I’ve got 3 more Yodas done and ready to be cracked.” Then takes his water and promptly trips right over his own junk he himself left out and just stepped nimbly over one minute before. And my not totally awake brain went, “HAS tripped over a rifle bag, HASN’T tripped over a rifle bag.” And I laughed out loud… not at the tripping, but that my brain just flowed right into what was happening. Which got me a ‘Wow, thanks Babe.” And then I tried to explain the above ramblings of a very sleepy woman, which got ME laughed at.

    Anyway, the brain is a weird place. Goodnight!

  9. Haha, never about butthole sunbathing but I totally launch into random conversations at innocuous questions like this. Thank you once again Jenny!

  10. Just FYI, the colloquial word for perineum is “taint.” Technically, they are sunning their taints, which is just about as funny as sunning their buttholes.

  11. Yes, I did with my husband who passed away 2 yrs. ago. Sometimes these convos come up with my daughter and Mum. My sister refuses to take part if our Mum is involved. LOL
    Sandy/Wynterose

  12. And I’d bet some of these folks have also partaken of the fad of bleaching their assholes . . These things can only happen when people have way too much time on their hands.

  13. Well, I’m at work, having read Jenny’s convo, then all the comments, dying laughing and just blew coffee through the nose and directly on invoices…think I’ll send them that way and make the other guy wonder what the hell happened. Still, not going to shine my arse to the sun.

  14. I would love to be a fly on your wall and hear your conversations with your family first hand, they always crack me up! Merry Christmas

  15. SO is who ha sunbathing a thing as well? I would think that would be more super charging than the backside.

  16. I used to have these weird discussions with my sister, and we’d go off on wild tangents as the topics got farther and farther into the weirdoverse. I miss her for many reasons, but this is a special one, because there’s nobody else who I can talk to who can take it to such entertaining extremes.

  17. I just really wish I had either the cojones or the charisma to invent health practices that cause people to do things like tan their anuses. Not for good or evil, just for chaos.

  18. Is this supposed to be done before or after vaginal steaming? And if thirty seconds is good, what happens after thirty minutes, other than giving your neighbors an enhanced opportunity to take out their phones and literally make your ass go viral online?

  19. As a gastroenterologist I once worked with stated back in the ’90’s, “We can make the sun shine there!”

  20. Someone told me the other day that there is such a thing as Gin Hot Toddies that work better than Rum Hot Toddies when you’re sick. I was confused because my Father always said that Gin was ‘Panty Remover’ and I thought that Gin Hot Toddies would encourage sick people to remove their panties. And now I’m starting to wonder if this is one big conspiracy by Gin Distillers to get people to expose themselves and feel good about doing it. And, I suppose, if there is sun shining from your butthole as you stagger home, drunk from the Gin, at least you can see in the dark which could be construed as a Public Service.

    Well played, Gin Distillers!

  21. LMAO in a very posh coffee shop, people are looking, a couple have asked “what’s so funny” & I just hand them the phone! You have a couple new fans, as long as they spell “Bloggess” right! Love you bunches! Happy Holidays!!!!

  22. so a days worth of sun in a few minutes — and all I can think is, “So how are you going to explain the skin cancer growths there?

  23. So, I’m going to a dinner party tonight, a nd once again you have provided me with something to chitchat about. I may not get invited back.

  24. So for those in not so sunny areas, would they need to start taking their Vitamin D supplements as suppositories to get the same benefits? 🤷🏼‍♀️

  25. My husband was telling me about this. Mostly so he could tell me about how badly people burned their junk.

  26. I feel like boofing the D is only going to result in an uptick of butt cancer in the near future.

  27. I don’t know why this reminds me of the episode of 101 ways to die when an alcoholic who had a tube so she was not able to eat or drink wanted alcohol so bad she gave herself an enema with alcohol and died from alcohol poisoning.

  28. Here’s Josh Brolin’s take on it, per Instagram.

    “Tried this perineum sunning that I’ve been hearing about and my suggestion is DO NOT do it as long as I did.

    “My pucker hole is crazy burned and I was going to spend the day shopping with my family and instead I’m icing and using aloe and burn creams because of the severity of the pain.

    “I don’t know who the fuck thought of this stupid shit but fuck you nonetheless. Seriously.”

  29. Um. WHAT. How? Why? I have been reduced to single syllables by the vast weirdness of that concept…

  30. How did I know that you would not stay quiet on perineum sunning? This is right up your alley so to speak.

  31. I posted it on my FB and my family had a lively conversation about it… teary eyed laughter and some suggestions of offering perineum tanning and taint paint all in one convention store front. In short, no, you are not the only one talking about this 🙂

  32. It sounds like something someone convinced their gullible friend into doing. The friend pulling the prank told everyone. Then the gullible friend felt really stupid. So they lied to a bunch of people and said it worked. Then all those people said “well… might as well try…” and it just spiralled out of control and everyone keeps lying.

  33. For some reason I read this first as “penguin sunbathing” – it’s obviously way too early for my brain today!

  34. My kid and I have been laughing ourselves sick about this for weeks now. You just KNOW Gwyneth Paltrow is behind this trend somehow. 😂😂😂

  35. The whole thing cracks me up. Granted, back in the day, sunlamps were used to encourage perineal healing for postpartum mamas, and sometimes grandmas ask why we don’t do that anymore. “It felt really good!” I’m sure it probably did, but… Yeah. No. Thanks from OB nurses everywhere.

  36. You know, Astro-Boy had his power recharge plug literally built into his butthole, and the Japanese would never lie to me, so…

  37. I must be niave,but I’m at a loss as to HOW( I do not even want to either!🙀 ) you do this. I will get my sunlight the boring way thank you.

  38. This was dreamed up in L.A. by a paparazzo with a drone/camera that is behind on his
    child support. That’s probably a jaded view but unfortunately it’s likely close to the truth.

  39. Vicious rumor engineered by a very specific group of fetishists into butts in the sun because they just acquired a high resolution drone fleet.

  40. Please don’t sunbathe your peritinium, steam your vagina, or put a jade egg in your lady garden.

  41. Lololololol,,, catch my breath… Lololololololol… Phew… Wipe my eyes…. Man, my sides hurt.

  42. Remember when stupid shit like this only went so far, before common sense prevailed and the notion that that supposed medical miracle was a good thing was thoroughly kicked to the curb, with only a few victims? Can we go back to that, because this viral internet bullshit is getting on my damn nerves!

    Also, DON’T SUN YOUR ASSHOLE! BAD JUJU AND SERIOUS OUCHIES!

  43. So… yes, this is odd.
    But what I find myself confounded by is this… how, Jenny, do you even have time to know tabout butt-hole sunning? You are renovating a soon-to-be bookstore. You are homeschooling your awesome daughter. You are managing a huge gift-giving campaign for people in need. I am hoping that you secretly have some support staff helping you out. Because the only other way I can imagine anyone doing all this is by using a lot of cocaine. And I really don’t want you to be doing cocaine, it just isn’t good for you.

    (My sister helps me a lot. 🙂 ~ Jenny)

  44. I’m not sure I needed this post. Lol.  BTW I’m so excited for you and all you have coming up in 2020. You’re amazing. Inside and out.  I’m sure I’m one of hundreds (thousands?) who have a crush. I think I need and autographed picture of you for our living room wall. lol. 

  45. Where were the publicists/handlers for these celebrities who publicly admitted that they tried this thing and it was, predictably (to those of us with a few working brain cells), a catastrophe? Or do they truly believe that all publicity is good publicity? Sheesh.

    And Jenny, I didn’t discuss this method of sunbathing with any significant other but I DID very much discuss it with my BFF, at length, if that makes you feel any better 🙂

  46. Honestly? I live in Maine, so maybe doing this for a minute on that first really nice day of spring/summer might be magical….at least until the black flies swarm, that is.

  47. Just got my Nowhere long sleeved shirt and Love It! It’s so comfortable and true to size. The logo is the best! I bought one for my friend who lives in Baytown and is an avid reader. I old her to tell anyone who recognizes the shirt that her friend in Ohio sent it. I also got a shirt for my granddaughter who lives in Columbus. Maybe when you get set up to sell books, you could put the shop”s website on the back. I’m sure I’m not the only one far from Texas who loves your blog is excited about your store.

  48. OMG! Thank you for making me laugh and helping me to forget the part of next week where we all deal with relatives that we don’t usually see and all the conflicting needs, neuroses, and nuttiness that come with the holidays and our relatives. This is just what I needed to change the conversation when things get heated up. “Everybody listen up…….and discuss.” Ha!

  49. I am always AMAZED at the things people with too much money (and too much time on their hands) do. Here I am, just wanting to have a month where I don’t have to choose what NOT to pay so I can feed my kids, lol.

  50. Note to self…. caution when looking on Jenny’s site when you have sprained neck and shoulder. Laughing hurts…but so worth it !

  51. There’s an ad on TV for a prescription med (can’t remember the name) that’s for folks who are managing both diabetes and heart disease. It shows a lady about our age, in a bright green blazer, leading a marching band. When it got to the quickly and quietly spoken list of possible side effects, the narrator said that one that was very rare but should be watched out for is “a potentially life-threatening infection of the perineum”. Wait, no way, what did she say? (hits the WTF button the the remote) Yup, I’m not just stoned, it even says in teeny letters at the bottom that “the perineum is the area between the genitals and anus”. Huh? Wuh? Zuh? It manages your blood issues, but can KILL you with a strangely specific infection of your TAINT?!

    It’s a crazy ol’ world… somebody oughta sell tickets…

    Your Pal,

    Storm the Klingon

  52. Off-Topic but I FINALLY am reading ‘Furiously Happy’ and Jenny you are my spirit animal. I am loving every page and recommending it to any and everyone I know. I just had to letcha know.

  53. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that I probably shouldn’t have clicked that link on my work computer. Ah well – they already know I’m more-than-a-little crazy and this just adds to the already-long list!

  54. You should immediately read the linked article about the vaginal-weightlifting woman arguing with the online doctor. Let me just leave you with this:

    “She spent the better part of a decade inserting decorative lamps into her vagina at various global hotspots and shouting at the void.”

  55. @lurbyjo: You’ve inspired me. I’m putting it in my will that I want that in my obituary, or on my tombstone. Fuck it, I’ll do both, where do I sign?

    Your Pal,

    Storm the Klingon

  56. “A Bum In The Sun”, sounds like an interesting read, until you realise it’s not about people sponging off society in warm places but about tanning your arse. Of course a subject like that could have different meanings too…

  57. Egyptian sun god Ra, sipping his coffee as he watches this bullshit: They used to build statues of me….

    Meanwhile Apollo is just….yeah no, can’t finish that thought, it’s too damn weird….

  58. Megan also claims that it s more energizing than slamming cups of coffee and is a game changing practice!! In another post, she wrote: !!!!THE INTENTION OF THIS IS NOT TO TAN YOUR BUTTHOLE!!!! and sunscreen is not required . According to Jezebel there isn t much information on Perineum Sunning on the internet: A brief search did turn up some blogs about the Taoist practice of sunning your Yoni and potentially your taint, but nothing asshole-specific. That being, said it looks like it s working out for Megan and we wish her all the best.

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