Well, helloooooo there.

Last week I found this old antelope with a broken ear in a thrift shop and it looked at me as if to say…

“Really?”

And the “Really?” I heard was like, “Really, you’re going to pass me by when you have a bookshop wall that probably needs magical taxidermy?  I’VE BEEN WAITING HERE FOR DECADES” and I was like, “OMG, you are my everything”.   Victor heard the same baffled “Really?” except it was out loud and coming from his own mouth as saw me cradling my new sister as I walked through the store.

I’ve spent the last week deciding how to recreate her majesty, trying all of my wigs and hats on her.  Antelope Margaret?  Antelope Brontë?  Farrah Fawncett?  Goldie Fawn?  Fawn Solo?  Antelope of Green Gables??  They were all good, but one name rose above the others as I pulled out my padded headbands and scarves and costume jewelry.

May I introduce…

Antelope dressed as Anee Boleyn

Antelope Boleyn.

Long may she reign.

Fucking nailed it, y’all. I can’t even tell which one is which.

200 thoughts on “Well, helloooooo there.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I can’t wait to visit Nowhere. I hope we will be able to take photos with all of the magical taxidermy!

  2. The resemblance really is uncanny. Something about the eye(s)…
    This is one of my favorites!

  3. Does he STILL not understand where you come from?
    Antelope Bolyen is perfect because all you have is her head. (In case no one has pointed that out.)

  4. I never comment, just admire you from afar. But today, I have to tell you that you are WONDERFUL!

  5. It took me waaaaaaaay too long to realize that part of the perfection is that it’s just her head.

  6. I think it’s time for Victor to accept that you’ve got a menagerie, and the only acceptable course of action is to let it grow! 💜

    Besides, you could always say that it’s part of your “brand”, especially since she’s going to live in the bookstore! 😊

  7. I wish I could find thrift shops in Houston like the ones you find! If anybody knows if any, please post their names!

  8. I’m currently traveling but when I get home I’ll send you a pic of
    “Willie the Wildebeest” who has graced our walls for over 40 years.
    As I’m sure you know, there are some things that aren’t negotiable in a
    marriage! LOL!

  9. I know how to pronounce antelope. I do. But when I read this it rhymed with Penelope. 🤷🏻‍♀️

  10. I cant help but wonder what are the odds that Anne Boleyn might have been reincarnated as this antelope, only to go through the whole losing her head thing again? At least this time, she gets her pearls back, so that’s progress…

  11. O.M.G. I love you. I can’t wait to visit the bookstore and see it in all its glory (and to meet Antelope Boleyn in person). Long may she reign. The name is SO perfect I can’t stand it.

  12. I have to say, Antelope Boleyn looks a damn sight more flirty than her predecessor. Then again, she’s already lost her head. Probably nice to have got it over with.

  13. WHO THE HELL just HAPPENS to have custom Ann Boleyn headbands and necklaces on hand? Oh yeah, right… Jenny of course! Always prepared to make our days awesomer.

  14. I am slain, dead. The costume is perfect. Antelope Boleyn even has the original’s expression.

  15. Yes, Nailed IT! Perfect and a perfect place for her. REALLY? YES LOL I love it. Thank you for rescuing her.

  16. I have never really wanted to visit Texas.
    Until now.
    I have a desperate need to visit Nowhere, and Antelope Boleyn.

  17. I love how she watches us coyly. She knows how majestic she is. You saved her, Jenny.

  18. She is the loveliest Blesbok I have ever seen!!!! I can’t wait to see her in the bookstore!

  19. YOU reign supreme!!!! I could not love you more!! What have I done that is so bad that the universe won’t let me find an antelope in a thrift store!! ❤️❤️❤️

  20. Please tell me you’re going to make little brass-on-wood name plates to go under your wonderful creations in the store!

  21. Only appropriate. I wouldn’t have been able to walk past her either. Unfortunately, my husband doesn’t approve of purchases of this sort, so I have to live vicariously through you.

  22. My back completely gave out today and I can barely move…and yet… here is mischievously adorable Antelope Boleyn to regally brighten the day. Your are a wizard!!

    You should tag the Tower of London on Twitter. I’m sure the Brits would get a kick out of this!

  23. I. Am. In awe.

    How are you so lucky to find so many amazing past living friends?!?!

    I want just one. Pray to the Mods I can find just one past living friend.

  24. oh blogess, you are awesome! Taxidermy gives me the creeps but you have given me a whole new perspective on it.

  25. She’s a lot better looking than her namesake! (You’re sure it’s a girl, right? Cuz how can you tell?)

  26. Yes yes yes! Absolutely awesome! Perfect name. I went to my dad’s funeral today and this just made my day. Thank you.

  27. Are you… Are you putting up a bookshop just to have more space to put taxidermied animals in?
    Also, did you expressly bought (or even commissioned… Omg how deep is this rabbithole?) a bunch of replica jewelry pieces a long time ago only because you love to dress dead animals as historical figures and renfair weirdos? Multiple sets? Will you eventually bury a mummyfied Tutankamongoose complete with tiny sarcofagus, scepters, urns with tiny mummyfied cats in them, treasures and scores of miniature papyrus scrolls in a model tomb to put in the local park’s kiddy sandbox? The more I think about the limits of what to expect from you the more I love the endless trip and, obviously, you for taking me on it.

  28. Good to see that she’s already beheaded. So at least you don’t have to physically do that part of her history because that would have been… awkward.

  29. I suppose it’s entirely fitting that Antelope Boleyn’s noggin’ is mounted on a plaque…

  30. Actually, after finding that I’m not observant, let me change my previous comment to: she’s mounted to the wall…

  31. Mary Smith…I do think she knows what happened to Anne Boylen…as they both have ‘lost’ their heads.

  32. Pretty sure that’s an IBEX, not an Antelope. You don’t know an Antelope when you see one? Check the horns, Hon.

  33. I have lots necklaces and know where to borrow some horns–next Halloween i’m gonna be Ann-tell-oh-pee Boleyn!

  34. Henin. Had to teach that to my phone. Every autocorrect needs a downloadable patch to add specialized vocabulary.

  35. Henin. My auto-correct needs file downloaded with all sorts of custom vocabulary for a history major.
    (And if this double enters, my apologies, first correction vanished into the ether.)

  36. Did you make the B pendant? Excellent shopping skills if you bought it. Very impressive if you made it!

  37. One of my favourite historical figures! Love the accuracy. Hope to meet her in real life someday!

  38. Jenny- I’m not sure where else to post this or if you’ve tried this but I
    Ketamine has recently saved my life! Is it something you’ve considered?? Please email me if you’d like to talk about my experience!

  39. Brilliant. Just perfect. Now, you need to find a blonde antelope and name her Antelope of Cleves.

  40. I’m laughing til I’m crying, AGAIN, this is brilliant. My family doesn’t know your name, they just ask me when I laugh like this, “What? Your funny lady again?” And I nod helplessly in the giggles. You are my funny lady forever, Jenny Lawson. I just totally love you!

  41. Is it bad that I come search your post every day just to see if you’re posting to help others just so I can give more like I did with Christmas. I love to give, give and give! I can’t help it. But with dmthat being said. I just love reading your posts and everything you talk about. I just got finished reading my first book btw 😊

  42. Its a bontebok (Damaliscus pygargus) which is an antelope found in South Africa, Lesotho and Namibia. It was almost hunted to extinction (as it was seem as a competitor for farmland) but has recovered now from a low of 17 in 1931 to about 2-3000 today, many of which now live in zoos and reserves to protect them.

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