We’re haunted

So I was working and I kept hearing this incredibly loud stomping like there’s a Frankenstein upstairs and Victor is out of town so it had to be Hailey so I called her and was like, “What are you doing?  Clogging?  Stomping spiders?  Because it’s incredibly loud” and she was like, “I’m in bed reading” and obviously she was lying and was ashamed of clogging (because frankly, it was really not great) so I was like, “Ok, whatever” but then 30 seconds later it started again so I went upstairs to catch her in the act but she was totally in bed and she was all, “What are you stomping on out there?” and I was like, “Dude.  We’re haunted.”  So I started recording on my phone as we tiptoed around the house following the sounds of the footsteps and suddenly there were creepy mumbled voices and so Hailey picked up a vase and held it menacingly over her head because I guess she doesn’t understand how ghosts work and then I stuck my head out of the window and turns out there were a bunch of dudes on the roof so I told Hailey, “There are dudes on the roof?” and she was like, “Ghost dudes?” and that’s when I realized I really needed to expose her to more horror films because obviously I’ve failed as a mother.  Also, turns out Victor just forgot to tell me that he’d scheduled people to check for roof damage while he was out of town and honestly, I’m relieved to know what it was but also just a little bit disappointed.

91 thoughts on “We’re haunted

Read comments below or add one.

  1. “Clogging Ghost Dudes”- the Ghostbusters sequel we never knew we needed until today… now I’m wondering if the roof inspectors were clogging in some sort of ill advised but awesome Mary Poppins/ “Step in Time” homage. My brain is a strange place some days.

  2. Having lived in a legitimately haunted house I can assure you that you’re not missing anything. Even benign ghosts can get out of hand sometimes. Congrats on the loud roofers and on having a badass daughter.

  3. Very remiss of Victor to book regular dudes and not to ghost dudes to do your roof.

  4. Hailey is super clutch and good to have around, with the go-to vase above the head. I want her on my team.

  5. I thought you meant the bookstore and I was all, isn’t that what you wanted? xoxo

  6. All I have to say is “What the !@#$%^^& were they doing on your house in the middle of the night?!??!”

  7. Well I’m just a little disappointed the haunting wasn’t at the bookstore. Because every quality bookstore needs a ghost. And a cat.

  8. I imagine episodes like this happening ALL DAY–EVERY DAY–at your house. You should Live Stream your entire life.
    We’d watch.

  9. Who the heck doesn’t ring the doorbell before they go climbing on your roof???

  10. Having lived in TWO!!! haunted homes, some ghosts are good and some bad, but when your mind is wonky on occasion, neither is awesome. As a child it was frightening in a terrifying way and we had a good (mostly) one, Robert was less so as I entered my teens and mostly did annoying crap like hiding things. In my late twenties my home had a few, one who I am positive was murdered in the house, and HE was really unpleasant to say the least, I honestly believe he tried to kill me in my sleep twice. Asshole…..

  11. You have the most interesting life EVER. I was totally not expecting ‘roof guys’ to be the answer to a post titled “We’re haunted”. LOL!!

  12. Omg I’m dying! LOL!! My hubby and I are pagan, and he’s done a few successful home cleansings throughout the years (considering his career is I.T., not exorcism, lol). We are also empaths/sensitive to energies and “passerbys” and get quite a few that drop by and make the house feel icky. You tend to attract ghosts when they feel a sensitive ear in the vicinity, lol.

    I totally thought you may have had a passerby, and laughed out loud at the end of your ordeal! SO glad you dont have an invisible uninvited occupant!

  13. Omg! This weekend I was staying at my father-in-law’s house and I was equally convinced that we had a ghost in our room who kept turning on the lights! My FIL offered rational electricity reasons, but I still don’t believe him.

  14. Another paranormal mystery solved. If my hubby forgot to mention a little thing like roofers he would be sleeping there when he got back. It was seriously brave of you and Hailey to ghost hunt!

  15. Well, if ya gotta be haunted, being haunted by friendly clogging roofers wouldn’t be the worst thing. You can dream…

  16. I was in the house alone the day after my MIL passed and had the same experience – turned out FIL had people that were cleaning out the gutters….I totally thought I was being haunted.

  17. I knew a person at a job I worked at who told me how her weekend was. She said she went to a nudist camp to participate in naked clog dancing. I kid you not.

  18. Ghosts would have been..interesting.

    I only get 84,000 calls a day asking if I WANT my roof inspected. Or if I need to lower my credit card interest rate. Or whatever bullshit they’re peddling this time.

  19. This morning I discovered indisputable evidence that a ghost had placed an envelope of photographs on the seat of my desk chair. My husband denied having any knowledge of this. The cat stared at me, “No opposable thumbs. Remember?” It took me hours before I remembered that I had temporary moved a stack of papers there last night while searching for something and the envelope must have slipped out when I put the other stuff back on a table.
    Well that certainly took the excitement out of things.
    I’ve decided to keep that half of the story to myself and let my husband and the cat believe we are haunted. By a disorganized ghost who is interested in family albums. (Our little secret … okay?)

  20. When we bought our hundred year old house, the former owner promised that it was haunted. My husband caught a glimpse of one but that’s it. Eighteen years. No ghosts. Highly disappointed.

  21. I feel Victor didn’t tell you ON PURPOSE for just this very reason.
    Also I used to work in a haunted building – footsteps and jangling hangers on racks when my co-worker and I were the only ones there, sitting side by side at the time. Creepy but also exciting.

  22. I think a lot of us were hoping it was the bookstore but I think “Ghost Dudes” would be a great name for a band.

  23. I’m relieved to hear that Hailey didn’t take up clogging. But even if you’ve got a resident spirit of someone who lived in the Middle Ages, it still doesn’t excuse this otherworldly entity for their cacophonous (and stupid) hobby.

  24. I live in a haunted house as well, and it’s really not that big a deal. Roofers are WAY worse. Also, there were too many comments on your “Antelope Boleyn” post, so I’m putting mine here… please, please, PLEASE tell me you’re going to have all of your taxidermies in the book shop with plaques bearing their names!!! That alone would make people (okay, ME) come to your book shop. Even if it wasn’t the coolest named shop ever, owned by the most awesome proprietress…

  25. Bummer it was “real” people. 🙁 Of course, I always thought James Garfield was the patron saint of keeping your house free from ghosts. Or squirrels.

  26. The Viking and I went out of our way to stay at a hotel in Germany that was actually a 700-year-old castle because we thought it would be cool but it turned out to be super creepy. Mostly because they tucked mannequins in old-timey clothes in little alcoves in a dark hallway that scared the bejeezus out of me in the middle of the night when I needed to go to the car for Tylenol. Since then…..we avoid 700-year-old castles.

  27. I thought we had ghosts/burglars on the roof one time. Totally freaked my mom and I out. Turns out it was a flock of really large birds: turkeys or vultures or something.

  28. I’m imagining a crew of ghost roof workers, forever condemned to wander around neighborhoods trying to fix roofs. There would need to be a special Ghostbusters team to help solve their mystery and help them move on – Ghostbusters: HGTV Edition.

    Also, you might need to give a quick update to Hailey on “Ghost dudes or dudettes” on social media. We called it, “not calling again”, or “blowing you off”, but it turned out people who ghost you on social media are not haunting you. Which is strange when you think about it.

  29. So, roofers in Texas just climb up on your roof without letting you know they are there!!! That’s extra… Ghosts would have been way cooler.

  30. My son was convinced the roof over his bedroom was haunted. There was no crawl space or anything, just a flat roof. I almost hated to tell him it was just squirrels running around from the trees next to the house.

  31. Dammit! I was hoping for a cool ending. Now I’m totally going to watch a haunted house movie tonight on Netflix/Prime/Hulu/YouTubeTV. Any suggestions? I love being scared out of my wits to the point where I’m grabbing a few of my support plushies and a soft blanket my son got me for Christmas from 5 Below. By the way, their $5 blankets are SOFT AF.

  32. The day our son was born (a 24-hour induction) my husband went home to take a nap because HE was totally exhausted. (I finally had an epidural at Midnight and for 3 hours I was apparently snoring so loudly that he could not sleep.) During his nap he heard a lot of banging and thought multiple times that the upstairs neighbors were making a lot of noise. He finally came to and remembered that we live in a ranch with a walk-out basement. We’d made plans to have the roof replaced and they picked our son’s birthday to show up, without calling ahead of time.

  33. Wait, after all this time I’m just now learning your house isn’t haunted?? I mean, knowing all the taxidermy and creepy dolls you have, I guess I thought it was just a given that your house would be haunted by at least one or two ghosts.

    (Our house is actually haunted by a large ghost dog. True story. Bunches of people have seen it. ~ Jenny)

  34. As usual, the highlight of my day! I also would like my house to be mildly haunted.

  35. I lived with a ghost for 28 years in my previous home and I don’t miss her … much. I finally got used to the shenanigans after I taught her not to flush the new toilet randomly. It scared my plumber. The light turning on and off was one thing, but the washing machine randomly turning on and off was annoying and we needed to explain to her (she was circa 1800s, from what we could tell) what it did and that it was a convenience for us and to NOT waste water.

  36. I had a very similar situation once. In the house I rented with my best friend at the time, she was on vacation in another state and it was just me and the two cats downstairs at 2:30 a.m. And I heard footsteps walk across the floor upstairs (and even the cats looked up). Needless to say, we stayed downstairs for awhile!

  37. Omg I want a large ghost dog too. I’m so jelly. But honestly I have two ghost cats that some and visit and they aren’t big dog lovers so that probably won’t work. Ohhhh well maybe one day I’ll have a ghost dog

  38. Well, that was a wild ride from start to finish! I want to say I’m glad it’s not ghosts but then also, am not glad it’s not ghosts. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS.

  39. There are spirits everywhere. Our eyes just don’t usually have the ability to see their wavelength unless they want to be seen. Did I mention that “Supernatural” is my favorite show?

  40. All my ghost dude does is smoke. But at least he’s quiet when he does it.

  41. Oh my lord, you are me. I had solar panel quotes pending, two visits down and one turned up while I was both unwell & breast feeding. This one I had forgotten about completely, and was the only one who actually climbed onto the roof. I completely freaked out, didn’t know what was going on and ran outside (unsure if I had a boob showing, but highly likely as mid feed) screaming a garbled nonsense which came out as ‘dude, get off my roof’. If that was a ghost, it would have evaporated. I’ve never seen someone rev a Ute so loud trying to get away from a mad woman while shouting about how was he supposed to quote without seeing the roof. To this day one particular family member still calls me dude and still laughs.

  42. When we were having a new roof put on our house, our dog would react to their footsteps the same way he reacted to thunderstorms (hiding in the hall closet), so we started calling the roofing workers “thunder men”.

    You just had some thunder men on your roof, no biggie. 🙂

  43. I have ghost dudes who show up to clean out the gutters in our apartment building twice a year, always before 9 am. I have woken up in sheer panic every time! And the squirrel ghosts scratching at the gutters and the windowsills trying to get in are annoying, they sound like long clawed ghosts, or the Skunk mating season with its terrifically funky ghost haunting in February and March in the wee hours, waking up to the smell coming through the walls. But the worst of all was the 3 am coywolves scream-howling looking to mate in the late winter/early spring. It sounds like a woman screaming in terror. The first time I flew to the balcony and looked down into the yard as the coywolf walked nonchalantly screaming like a banshee as she sauntered off to the wooded area next to our building. In the spring they den nearby, and every time the fire department sirens sound off as they go down our road to a call, the coywolves all start howling and their pups start yipping until the fire engines or ambulances are out of earshot. I’m lucky I get any sleep at all, and my spouse gets really cranky after a ghost visit or a banshee wailing.

  44. Thank you for the image of Hailey hoisting a vase weapon for ghost defense. Just thank you.

  45. The last time my husband forgot to tell me something before he went out of town, I ended up cracking our 250 gallon saltwater fish tank. He’d added a heater right before a cleaning/water change, which heated up the glass while the water was low. When I added water back in, it was very nearly catastrophic. Fake ghost dudes on the roof would have been a bargain!

  46. Wait until you tell Victor about Kevin the roof guy that was checking for damage. He’ll be like there is no Kevin the roof guy, there used to be a Kevin the roof guy but that Kevin fell off a house like 15 years ago and broke his neck.

  47. That’s my kind of haunting where ghosts come and fix your roof. If they have any maid-ghost friends, I have a dirty house that needs cleaning.

  48. Hey Jenny, wasn’t sure where to ask but is there ANY ETA for the bookstore? I want to be absolutely sure I am there for the grand opening to support you! <3

  49. One time my closet door was banging/rattling back and forth while closed. So I grabbed a fork, opened the closet door and stabbed a coat as my terrified cat shot out. I guess I don’t know how ghosts work either, lol.

  50. My daughter has an “imaginary” older sister named Janie who showed up when she had a fever and used to be outside but now lives inside and is wearing a nightgown and is standing RIGHT THERE and honestly….I didn’t really BELIEVE until now…and I still DON’T….But…..scared.

  51. Ha, this is a laugh. We have ghosts too, only it’s our neighbors, stomping around so madly next door (possibly it’s some form of pagan ritual, but I haven’t caught them at it yet) that it vibrates through, noise and all, into our house. I should mention that we live in a detached house. Yes. DE-TACHED. And it’s like someone’s right upstairs.

  52. OMG. That would’ve scared me. I think they should have at least knocked on the door and introduced themselves before they climbed up on your roof. Jeesh. They could give someone a heart attack.

  53. I would let Hailey join my Escape Room team. Also, unexpected roof-fitters is not as good as ghosts. Imagine the stories you could have told us about if you had the ghosts of Soviet dancers in your house… you could sell tickets to their performances! You would be rich!

  54. I was home alone at my parents one dark yucky sleeting night -their townhouse was covered in scaffolding and my dad told me to be careful because there had been a peeping tom climbing the scaffolding and peering in windows – I was told to call the police right away if I heard anything because they were trying to catch this guy. About an hour later I hear all these thumps by the upstairs windows and get super freaked out and figure I had better call the cops. 5 minutes later not 1 or 2 but 4 gorgeous men show up at my door and search the scaffolding only to inform me that the sounds that I was hearing was the build up of sleet dropping off the roof onto the scaffolding…..

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