So I was working and I kept hearing this incredibly loud stomping like there’s a Frankenstein upstairs and Victor is out of town so it had to be Hailey so I called her and was like, “What are you doing? Clogging? Stomping spiders? Because it’s incredibly loud” and she was like, “I’m in bed reading” and obviously she was lying and was ashamed of clogging (because frankly, it was really not great) so I was like, “Ok, whatever” but then 30 seconds later it started again so I went upstairs to catch her in the act but she was totally in bed and she was all, “What are you stomping on out there?” and I was like, “Dude. We’re haunted.” So I started recording on my phone as we tiptoed around the house following the sounds of the footsteps and suddenly there were creepy mumbled voices and so Hailey picked up a vase and held it menacingly over her head because I guess she doesn’t understand how ghosts work and then I stuck my head out of the window and turns out there were a bunch of dudes on the roof so I told Hailey, “There are dudes on the roof?” and she was like, “Ghost dudes?” and that’s when I realized I really needed to expose her to more horror films because obviously I’ve failed as a mother. Also, turns out Victor just forgot to tell me that he’d scheduled people to check for roof damage while he was out of town and honestly, I’m relieved to know what it was but also just a little bit disappointed.
Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.
ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:
I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:
Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.
Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.
Heather Mosko: Sharing the weird and crafty I find along the way as I research and write my next mystery.
The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”. Often irreverent, always honest.
Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.
Game Night Kit: All-in-one classic card game kits make the perfect gift, but you’ll want them for yourself, too! Lets skip book club tonight, drink wine & play games instead ~time together is magic!
Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.
Ingram Hills Dental: Local San Antonio badass dentist willing to talk and laugh you off the dental cliff. Military wife, mom and lover of sarcasm and teeth.
Perfectionist Anonymous: Proudly serving unpolished working motherhood, with bipolar depression and hilarity on the side.
Road Tested: The new album from Dylan Brody and Chauncey Bowers drops for digital download on July 20th! Get it for just $5 with pre-purchase!
Ghost Games: Play at your peril. Eight spine-tingling short stories about paranormal games. It is the perfect book for spooky season!
Just Another Meat-Eating Dirtbag: A memoir: ‘A charming, often hilarious look at how love is actually the worst.’-Tom Hart, author of the NYT bestseller Rosalie Lighting
Scaredy Cat Travels: Traveling the world with the worst carry-on anxiety.
Things I Like To Pee On: Paws down the most amusing children’s book of the season. With illustrations by artist Drake Barry, this book will tickle readers of all ages as they follow a bulldog on his daily urological adventures.
A Thousand Miles to Graceland by Kristen Mei Chase: The journey of a thousand miles begins with sequins and a beehive wig in this funny and tender novel about Mothers, daughters and the surprising power of Elvis.
Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.
The Feely Human Collective: A space for the big-hearted, the highly sensitive, the activists, meaning makers, and mental health advocates. A space to grow and grapple with the wonders of empathy, vulnerability, and emotional curiosity and be seen in all your beautiful wholeness.
Stix Yarn: We live in the beautiful mountains of Montana, sell gorgeous yarns and unique fabrics, and offer lots of opinions on the best ways to get the most out of said mountains, yarn, and fabric.
Quantum Possum: an inclusive, neurodivergence-affirming graphic novel taking readers on a wacky & frequently sidetracked adventure through Cosmic Bog, helping creatures in need and including everyone in the fun.
Acrylic Diva’s Online Painting Class: paint yourself happy from the comfort of your home. Stress free, easy art instruction with a seasoned professional artist. It’s the most fun you can have in your pajamas. Really.
Paris Writers: Join best-selling novelists Laurie Frankel, Ann Garvin, and Lauren Grodstein for a week of practical information – and inspiration! – in Paris this summer.
The Second: Colleen Burns Durda’s candid memoir about a suburban mom with a side hustle-she’s The Second Coming. Laugh, cry and learn how she copes with her bipolar diagnosis.
How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.
PillTimer: No ads, no tracking, no math; just simple, no-nonsense medicine tracking for iPhone and iPad.